Green Duckies and Other Tales of Dana

I have moved

2008-12-15T11:09:00.000-06:00

You can find me here now. Hope to see you.

Kind of depressed so let's post pictures of kitties!

2008-12-13T21:01:00.003-06:00

So I thought I had money to do some Christmas shopping this paycheck. Turns out I forgot about the cable bill. I always forget about the cable bill. It's 212.50 and covers cable, internet and the phone and my God, that's really exprensive. We probably don't need all the stations we have but it is our only luxury so we're keeping it. For now. Plus, right now I am listening to The Eagles singing "Those Shoes" on Comcast's music channels. Love classic rock.

Because I am short on money, I'm not going to Rob and Betty's on Christmas Eve because I can't afford to buy them a gift.* Plus Keem isn't going home for Christmas so we're going to have a nice dinner and I might try to make a creme brulee. I got a creme brulee kit thing a few months back when Linen and Things first started closing their stores. It is my favorite dessert and I can't wait to try it out.

*I know they wouldn't care but I still feel bad about it.

Plus I have got to get my happy pills prescription refilled. This is not a good time of the year to run out of pills, especially with the suckiness of the economy. But there's another 25 bucks I am going to have to scrounge up from somewhere.

Oh well, in just 3 more payments, the lap top will be paid off and I can actually have some extra money again.

Anyway, here are pictures of the children. Well, mainly Kalli doing her best to destroy the household.

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Kalli will sometimes stop tearing around the apartment and stare at the television. Keem and I were watching "Dungeons and Dragons" last month and Kalli was fascinated. Especially by the dragons.

I did not throw her away, even though sometimes we think about it. She is kind of a pain.

Yes. That is a cat in our junk drawer.

I mentioned she has an addition for ice, right? She is constantly trying to get into our glasses and it is normal to come out in the morning and find the glasses on the floor.

The only way that Eddy gets treats is if we hide them from Kalli. We have to distract her with her own treats (which she typically will only eat if they are scattered on the coffee table. She has to stalk them and then knock them onto the floor. She's weird).

We bought the cats these crinkly bag toys - one is a tree and the other is a hat. Eddy loves to lie on them since he doesn't fit inside them. They are so spoiled.

As you can see, our freezer is fairly full but can still hold a kitten. This is her meet cat pose. Any time I go to get ice, she has to be there. Climbing all over the place and trying to dive into the glasses. How many people do you know that have to say "Cat, get out of the freezer."

And now, the many reasons why we aren't having a Christmas tree this year.

Here she has found the tree. Eddy likes to lie under the tree and pretend he is a present so we were hoping this was going to be the most she did. Ha.

Nope. Got to pretend she's an ornament.

Unplugging it didn't fool her. She knew it was still there.

And this is when she discovered she could climb the tree to get to the DVD rack and go from there to the bookshelf and the entertainment center.

I am also moving my blog over to Word Press. I've been on Blogger forever but Word Press has seduced me. I'll be keeping this blog up for awhile, probably until I either figure out how to add HaloScan comments to Word Press or move all of my HaloScan comments into Blogger. Stupid computers and their technology.

Anyway, here is the link. Hope to see you there.

Perhaps I might need more sleep

2008-12-09T10:10:00.000-06:00

So part of my job is tracking who has sent in questions to our Electronic Library here at NABABNA. We have a log that I have to type in information about who sent what and if we added it. Last week, I was somewhat tired and found myself nodding off at my desk. You know, your eyes start drooping, your head starts bobbing and next you know, you're drooling on your keyboard. So far I've been able to avoid the keyboard drooling.

Anyway, I notice this happening last week and manage to wake myself up a little bit. I stare at what I was typing. It was supposed to be a brief description of a problem we had here, where we found out certain replacement checks had to be ordered through a different department instead of following our normal procedure. But that's not what I wrote. No, I ended up typing "Certain Department/Cowboys cannot work together." What? This makes no sense at all. What does the certain department have against cowboys? Is there a range feud?

Today it happens again. Except this time it is not in the log, it's in the actual Electronic Library. The one that gets read daily by tons of people. And what I've written could have been displayed on the front page for all to see that I am completely insane.

Today's information for the representatives? "Information has been added to the Electronic Library about cashing pirates."

WTF? Am I on drugs that I am not aware of? Do I have a rich fantasy life involving work, pirates and cowboys? I have no clue. And the real question - since when can pirates be exchanged for goods and services?

Perhaps I am a bit vain

2008-12-04T15:09:00.003-06:00

On Tuesday, in between my appointment at the doctor (where I got to have blood drawn and get stabbed twice (okay, I got a flu shot and a tetanus shot) in the shoulders) and the mammogram appointment at the hospital (where my breasts were slammed between cold plastic and turned into pancakes), my sister Kari and I went to get our hair cut.

I had originally thought about trying to see if I could pull off Maggie Gyllenhaal's most recent haircut (posted on Go Fug Yourself here) but Kari was flipping through books with different hair styles. And there I saw it. This cute, adorable pixie cut. Could I pull it off? Would it be too short? What the heck. I was going to try it.

My hair is now two inches long (except for my bangs, they are a tad shorter but have been fixed since my last "Oh my God, I can't stand my hair anymore. Where are the scissors?" breakdown) and, if I do say so myself, quite adorable. I love my hair. My hair loves me. I even styled it this morning.

As we were driving to the boob squishing appointment, Kari asked me what I thought of her hair cut. I told her I thought it was cute (it is).

Kari: I didn't really look at it.
DM: What? You didn't check it when she showed you the finished product?
Kari: No. I hate that part. I just want to say yes, yes, let me on my merry way.
DM: Wait. You mean you don't stare at yourself in the mirror and think about how cute you are?
Kari: No! Do you?
DM: Yes! That's my favorite part!
Kari: Well, obviously you don't have any self confidence issues.
DM: Why would I? I'm freakin' adorable! Who wouldn't love me? I'm me!

I have noticed that when I like my hair, I feel much better about myself. So hopefully, I'll continue this "Gosh, I am so great" feeling. Plus, very excited to learn that I lost a "couple" of pounds from the last time I went to the doctor. Yay!

I promise to post pictures of my hair and the cats soon, including the reason why Keem and I are not having a Christmas tree this year.

Finally it is over

2008-11-30T21:09:00.002-06:00

I have done it. 30 days hath November and I have posted in every single one of them. Yay!

Today Kari and Josh came over. We went swimming, we played a game called Snortna (which Keem and I decided would make a great drinking game because we were laughing ourselves hysterically halfway through it) and then topped the evening watching the oddest thing I have ever seen on television. It was a spoof of Star Wars acted by thumbs. Yes. You heard me correctly. Thumbs. The world is such an odd place.

And they're off

2008-11-29T11:04:00.003-06:00

I am sitting in the living room listening to Kalli call for Eddy. A few pathetic meows and he is investigating. He has not yet figured out that this typically means "Hey! Why don't you come and play with me? And by play, I mean I will attempt to eat your face. It's fun!"

Although today they seem to be actually playing together. She called to him, he went to Keem's room to find her and then chased her down the hallway. Then they did that half football game, half ballet dance that cats seem to do together. You know, tackle. Leap. Tackle. Leap, somersault, leap. Tackle.

Keem and I are going to meet my sister and nephew to see Madagascar 2. Keem won free movie tickets earlier this year so we're going to put them to good use. It is possible that Keem and I will attempt to do a double feature tomorrow because we both want to see Bolt and I really, really, really want to see Transporter 3. Hello. Jason Statham is hot. It may turn out to be a triple feature because we also want to see Four Christmases.

I managed to finish all of my monitorings for the month at 7:30 last night. The stress headache is gone for now but it will return about the middle of December.

Must go get ready, we're leaving soon. Have a great day! Only one more day left of NaBloPoMo. Thank God. I can't believe I've made it this far!

I am an evil, evil, evil, evil, evil person

2008-11-28T10:35:00.004-06:00

I love Fail Blog and laughed so hysterically when I pulled this up on Bloglines this morning that I may have frightened Co-Worker Rykken.

Is it wrong that I really want the "Be like Jesus" t-shirt because it's so pathetically bad in its cheesiness? The stick figure Satan makes me giggle. Plus, you know, he is my boyfriend.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T19:46:00.004-06:00

Today has been a good day. I didn't have to work (yay!) and got to be all lazy. Keem and I were going to do laundry but decided against it. We will tomorrow, probably. Yep. My life is filled with excitement. Friday night is laundry night. Woo-hoo!

I am thankful for:

Great friends like Keem and Beth
My family here, Kari, Eric and Josh and my mom who is in Arizona
The fact that I am working at a job I really do love even when it is stressing me out
The two best cats in the world, Eddy and Kalli.
The Big Bang Theory (the show, not the actual theory (Keem and I are watching the most recent episode for the 3rd time this week*)) - yes. I am thankful for TV. Shut up.
Many other things, including, but not limited to, happy pills. Thank you makers of Effexor.

*Can someone explain what throwing a digital sheep at someone on Facebook means? It was on the most recent episode and Keem and I don't get it.

Coming soon! Adorable pictures of my cats! I know you can't wait.

Having a kitten for the first time in nine years has been very interesting. Although I don't remember ever having to remove Eddy from the freezer. Now that Kalli is a little bit bigger, she has added a new twist to her quest for the ice cubes. She actually will climb into the freezer. I do not know of many people who have had to say to their cat "Please, for the love of God, get out of the ice cubes!"

Trying to be a better person

2008-11-26T15:52:00.002-06:00

Okay, I am cranky. I admit it. I've been kind of cranky this entire month because someone who works here at NABABNA has crossed my path and I now feel the need to annihilate them.

This person (and I have not been able to establish if I am overreacting. I am possibly overreacting but dang it, my feelings are real and you have hurt them beyond repair (Okay, not really)) has done some things this month that have really irritated me and I want to talk about it but I really can't because, let's face it, I don't want to get fired for my blog. Or for possibly saying "Dear co-worker, I really want to stab you with a fork" to said person. Because, you know, it's really hard to get another job once you've said that. Or done it for that matter.

But the best part of this is that Co-Worker Jessica understands exactly what I am going through and is the vantee to my vanter (Vant, for those not in the know, is a word I coined years ago when I was still at NABABNA's main call center. It is a cross between vent and rant and sums it up perfectly). Today she was telling me that she can't control other's actions and so she takes deep breaths (yeah, she really is that perky) to help her deal with it.

So, when I got an email from the co-worker who I wish to strangle if she sends me one more email telling me how to do my job (okay, maybe it is not that extreme. Remember I said I might be overreacting?), I had to forward my complaint to Jessica.

To be on the safe side, I deleted everything except the last part. Otherwise, it is possible that someone would be able to figure it out.

From: DM
Sent: Tuesday, November 25, 2008 12:55 PM
To: Co-Worker Jessica
Subject: FW:

Oh, good Lord. Are you a bad word* idiot (not you, Jess, the irritating co-worker)?

Grumble, grumble, bad word, grumble.

Deep breaths.

Deep breaths not working. Banging head on desk.

*I try very hard not to swear at work. So instead of swearing, I say bad word a lot. It makes Jessica giggle.

I am trying to be a better person. I'm not succeeding. Also, I may have scared my co-workers when I hissed "Stop sending things to the Virtual Library" in a deep, gravely devil voice. Since I started out the day with 15 emails in there and have received about 20 more.

I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.

Hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving. I am actually cooking!* Be amazed.

*Technically I am cooking tonight. And what I am cooking is pretty easy because it is a Pampered Chef recipe for a turkey ring. And I'm substituting Rotisserie Chicken from Super Target for the turkey. But still, I am cooking.

Turkey Ring Recipe

2 pkg. refrigerated crescent rolls (garlic butter flavor because the only other ones left were reduced fat and can you say blech? I can)

2 cups chopped, cooked turkey (Or chicken if you can't find a stupid turkey loin at Super Target because they had to carry 500 20 pound turkeys instead. Convince roommate to chop chicken because the last time you tried using the Ultimate Chopper, your delicious Szechuan Chicken ended up being really spicy chicken pate)

1 1/4 cups grated Swiss Cheese
1/2 cup chopped celery (or none if you forgot to buy it)
1/2 cup sweetened, dried cranberries (the best part! I love Craisins!)
1 tbsp. dried parsley or 3 tbsp. fresh chopped parsley (whatever)
1/2 cup mayonnaise
2 tbsp. Dijon mustard (Please. I reject your Dijon mustard. I use yellow mustard. And possibly some of the Sweet and Nicely hot mustard from the Mustard Museum)

1/2 tsp. coarsely ground black pepper
1 egg white, lightly beaten (Oh, yeah. I forgot about this part)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit. In mixing bowl, combine chicken, 1 cup of the cheese, celery, parsley, mayonnaise, mustard and black pepper; mix well (or combine everything if you are me).

Scoop filling evenly over desired crescent rolls that have been laid out in an overlapping circle pattern with long point to the outside like a starburst pattern. Bring long points over filling to center, joining with short points. Brush outside with egg white and sprinkle with remaining cheese (or don't. It'll still work). Bake in oven 25 to 30 minutes, until golden brown. Serves 8.

It is fantastic. I love it. I'm also going to try duplicating a Turkey Pasta Salad recipe that I'm addicted to. With chicken instead, of course.

Peggy Sue and Suicide on the Inside

2008-11-25T13:40:00.001-06:00

Whenever Beth and I scrapbook, we typically have her iPod on shuffle. She will put it on the play list she created for the road trip she took with her mom. It’s a great play list, filled with all different genres of music. Without fail, “Peggy Sue” by Buddy Holly will play. And Beth and I will gleefully sing along. We love the song but find it, well, not filled with the most brilliant lyrics in the world.

Beth: I bet if you counted, there won’t be more than 30 original words in this song.
DM: Well, I do have to do a post.

Later

DM: I bet someone said to him “Hey, Buddy, I bet you can’t write a song only using these words.”

And then we giggled for awhile because the idea of someone saying “Hey, Buddy” to Buddy Holly. Which, okay, maybe you had to be there.

Peggy Sue – Buddy Holly

If you knew Peggy Sue
Then you'd know why I feel blue
About Peggy, 'bout Peggy Sue
Oh well, I love you, gal
Yes, I love you Peggy Sue

Peggy Sue, Peggy Sue
Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, Peggy Sue
Oh, my Peggy, my Peggy Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal
And I need you, Peggy Sue

I love you Peggy Sue
With a love so rare and true
Oh, Peggy, my Peggy Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal
Yes, I want you, Peggy Sue

Peggy Sue, Peggy Sue
Oh how my heart yearns for you
Oh, Pa-he-ggy, my Pa-he-ggy Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal
And I need you, Peggy Sue
Oh, well, I love you gal
Yes, I want you, Peggy Sue

Original words:

If. You. Knew. Peggy. Sue. Then. You’d. Know. Why. I. Feel. Blue. About (‘bout is not being counted). Oh. Well. Love. Gal. Yes. Pretty. My. Need. With. A. So. Rare. And. True. Want. How. Heart. Yearns. For.

32 words. 32. Wow. That’s just really amazing.

And, although he wrote an entire song and actually became famous, I would like to point out that I once wrote a poem based on two words - Coral Reef. It was at a English thing (conference, seminar, field trip) that I was invited to back in the early 80's (11th grade? Maybe).

Suicide on the Inside

A splash.
Sinking slowly, hair streaming.
Down.
Lying on the bottom.
Feeling rough coral reef.
Smelling seaweed rot.
Dying.
A vision of my old life passes before my now dead eyes,
I am rising.
Gravity holds her force over me one last time.
A splash.
Breaking the surface.
Spectators scream in horror.
Man swims out,
tries to save me.
Fails.
Tears on my face are not my tears
but yours and the Sea's.
tears on your face because you did me wrong.
didn't care enough to love me.
Only to use me.
Fall on my face,
taste of salt.
Now that I am gone,
the cycle will continue.
Your turn is next.
The Sea will claim a new victim.
A splash.
Sinking slowly, hair streaming.
Down.

Oh, here are some more notes about the poem that I found:

A group of us at my high school were picked to attend this workshop. I was in the poetry workshop and the leader decided to have us all write a poem based on one element, we had to include a coral reef. It took me maybe 15 minutes to write? The leader asked for volunteers to read their poems and after listening to this guy read this rambling about someone named Bill (there is a Roseanne episode where Darlene is going to read her poem and the guy that goes before her rambles about a bird. It was very similar to the Bill poem), I decided to read mine. I finish. There is complete silence. One person whispers "Wow." That was it. It's actually one of my favorites. Well, I told you I was depressed in high school.

Maybe tomorrow you'll get to hear the saga about why I need to make sure there are no forks at my desk. Real forks, I should say. Plastic forks are okay. You can't do any serious damage to people with them.

Moody Monday - Vengeful

2008-11-24T22:16:00.003-06:00

I am not a big fan of the Monday. Especially this close to the end of the month. So yes, I'm falling back on The Daily Meme for some help here.

This one is called Moody Monday and suggests you post a picture of your mood. Today's mood is vengeful. Gosh, this is right up my alley today.

vengeful
1. Desiring vengeance; vindictive.
2. Indicating or proceeding from a desire for revenge.
3. Serving to exact vengeance.

Since I really have no life and the children (cats) are sparring in the living room, here are my babies with their most vengeful looks. And for the love of God, Kalli, leave Eddy alone. You would think that long lasting growl would be a clue that he wants you to leave him alone.

I am still fond of this picture, even though she isn't this small anymore. Every time I turn around, she is longer and fluffier. And not listening when I tell her to quit growing.

I like to think Eddy is telling Keem that this is revenge for Kalli. There are many times I catch him looking at us with this expression. The "Why did you think I needed a little sister?" look or, possibly more accurately, the "I am going to kill you in your sleep for this pain you have visited upon me." look.

Tired. Going to bed. Have to monitor 16 calls a day this week. 3 days left of it. Oh, and we can't put in any over time anymore. You have to tell me this now? So much for working late to get caught up. Grr.

I don't believe in Winter

2008-11-23T23:29:00.003-06:00

Today Beth and I spent a lot of time scrapbooking. We also met Char for dinner at Texas Roadhouse. As always, when Beth and I spend time together, there are some weird things being said. And yes, usually they are from me.

*******************
I was telling Beth about Co-Worker Rykken's response when I said I didn't understand why Bryan was not famous and Nickelback was. Rykken had said "I often wonder about that myself." Rykken has never heard Bryan sing but understands the evilness that is Nickelback (for one thing, I hate the way their name is spelled because I always want to type Nickleback. That just makes more sense).

DM: I don't know why I hate them so much.
Beth: I don't know, maybe because they're no talen hacks who have tortured all of America. And at least some parts of Canada. I think they're from Canada. So probably all of Canada.

**********************
I have just completed a layout for my Portugal album (only 2 1/2 years after the trip, of course).

DM: Pretty. Pretty pages. Pretty.

I may have been stroking them gently.

Beth: Okay, that was weird.

**********************
We have gone to Texas Roadhouse. Our waiter has taken our order for appetizers and walked away.

Char leans over to Beth and says

Char: I may be wrong but I think our waiter might be gay.
DM: For a young 'un.

Beth and Char stare at me blankly.

DM: Eh. I'd do him.

Beth and Char start laughing hysterically.

DM: You didn't say he was cute, did you?

***********************
Beth looks at me sternly.

Beth: Did you put socks on today?

Char almost spits out her pop.

Beth: That sounded kind of weird, didn't it (or motherly or something)?

Char looks confused.

DM: I don't like to wear socks.

Our waiter walks up.

DM: I don't believe in Winter.
Waiter: Okay.
DM: Tries to explain in a rational manner. Fails.

See, the thing is, if I wear socks, that means I am acknowledging Winter's exhistence. And I like to pretend the son of a bitch doesn't exhist. It doesn't work very well.

Char: Is that like not believing in fairies?
DM: I believe in fairies. Just not Winter.

************************
Beth orders a baked potato with her meal. She asks for the butter and sour cream on the side. I also order a baked potato and ask for the potato to be loaded but want the butter and sour cream on the side. The waiter looks at me. I feel that I need to explain.

DM: I like to eat the cheese and bacon first.
Beth: I don't think you needed to explain your dining habits.
Waiter: I don't think that's crazy.

It is obvious he is lying from his expression. This is revealed when I return from the bathroom and found out that he told Beth and Char that he thought not believing in Winter was a little nuts.

*************************
We come back to Beth's to scrapbook. Char is going to hang out with us for a little while. I am becoming frustrated with a page layout. I am staring at the paper trimmer, trying to figure out measurements (never a good thing).

DM: Are these real inches?
Char: No. they're fake inches. They're posers.

I hold up the piece of paper I am trying to trim.

DM: Well this is 8 inches, right?
Beth: I don't know.
DM: Well, it's supposed to be 8 inches. It's 8 1/2 x 11 inch paper.
Beth: Then it is 8 1/2 inches.

I realize what I have just said. Beth and Char laugh hysterically. Beth hands me her pencil.

Beth: Write that down.

***********************
DM: I am being mocked again, aren't I?
Beth: Rightfully so.
Char: You'd think you'd recognize it by now, it happens so often.

**********************
It has been a good weekend. And now I am headed home. Hope you had a good weekend.

Reflection

2008-11-22T17:10:00.003-06:00

I have a splitting headache so I am going to post quickly, take some ibuprofen and then enjoy a quick nap. I am over at Beth's and managed to complete two whole pages last night for my Portugal scrapbook! Whoo! I'll probably scrapbook more while she is at work but it is more fun when she is here.

Anyway, been visiting The Daily Meme every once in awhile when I am at a loss for words and found a photo hunt for Saturdays. Looks like fun. Today's topic was Reflection so I found some pictures I'm fond of taken over the years.

I like this one. It is from a trip to Canada that Beth and I took in May of 2006. I think it is cool that you can see the reflection of the trees in the rearview mirror but also see part of a picture on Beth's laptop.

This isn't the best picture but it is light reflecting off the water drops that are flying off of one of the waterfalls we stopped at on our way to Canada. I liked the way it looked.

I think we all know that I am fond of flamingos, right? What's not to like? They are pink and birds. Totally awesome.

August 5th, 2005. This was one of the many times Beth, Keem and I went to Manny's. I'm not sure why we went in August but hey, not going to complain about steak.

I'm quite proud of this picture. I like the sepia tone to it and it is one of three that I use as a backdrop on my work computer.

This is another one that I really like and also use as a backdrop at work. Plus I have it in a frame. I have a lot of pictures at work.

I have no idea how I got this to work. But I love it. What I really like about it is how the water is reflecting the green and yellow of the surrounding flowers and plants and you can only see them in the water. This is the 3rd work backdrop photo and they were all taken around the same time when Keem and I used to go walking and taking pictures. We want to start doing that again but of course winter is trying to thwart us.

Okay, all. Have a great weekend. Vittum out.

Tired and kind of cranky

2008-11-21T21:01:00.004-06:00

It is getting to be close to the end of the month and I am very stressed out. Work has been crazy busy and I am extremely tense. My work load seems to have doubled and it is insane. But I have a nice weekend planned. Beth and I are going to scrapbook like crazy. I am looking forward to it.

Last night we went to karaoke and it was really slow. At one point Beth turned to me and said "And this is why we still go to karaoke." Bryan was singing "Halleluiah" from Shrek and it was beautiful.

This morning, Co-Worker Rykken asked how karaoke went and I was telling him and Christy about the song.

DM: I cannot understand why he is not famous and Nickelback is.

They were amused by that. I've mentioned that I hate Nickelback with the fierceness of a thousand burning suns, right?

Anyway, off to take a nap before Beth calls. Hope you all have had a good week.

Can you believe it is the 21st? The month is more than half over and I've made it every day so far. Amazing.

The oddness of the Keem

2008-11-20T22:06:00.002-06:00

So Keem is telling me this morning about this odd dream she had. Long story short, she and Patrick Dempsey are wandering through this old building. Now I can think of worse things to dream about than spending time with Patrick Dempsey (had a serious crush on him after "Can't Buy Me Love") so I expect that this will be an interesting glimpse into my roommate's psyche.

And boy howdy, it is.

Apparently the old building is filled with lions and sharks. Together. Living in harmony.

DM: Are they land sharks?

Apparently not. Nor is the building filled with water. But the sharks are getting around somehow and they are hungry. So are the lions.

Keem: So I run off and leave Patrick Dempsey...
DM: Wait. You left him behind?
Keem: Yes.
DM: What happened?
Keem: The lions and sharks got him.
DM: You didn't go save him?
Keem: I'm not going into a room with lions and sharks!
DM: You let Patrick Dempsey die. I can't believe you let him die. That's so mean.
Keem: It was more of a "Save yourself" situation so I did.

After that, the dream turned into some weird thing where there was a fake T. Rex wandering around trying to kill Keem and one of our co-workers showed up and distracted the dinosaur with something shiny.

The dream reminded me of Saturday Night Live when it was funny and the Land Shark skit. I miss that skit. Let's see if it is on YouTube. I couldn't find it but I did find it here in case you need reminding of the greatness of the Land Shark.

The stuff great road trips are made of

2008-11-19T18:46:00.005-06:00

I came across this picture on I Can Haz Cheezburger the other day and it made me laugh.

Last weekend, on our way home from La Crosse, I was getting really tired. Typically I am not allowed to sleep in the car but Keem was feeling sorry for me since it was a fairly hellish weekend (plus I took the hit from the exploding bottle of Welch's Grape soda for her) so she said it would be okay this one time.

But then she turned on the CD player. In the CD player is the CD, something Beth made for Keem years ago (possibly 8) and it has some great songs on it (The Devil Went Down to Georgia) and some horrible songs (anything by New Kids on the Block). We don't turn it on very often because it is skipping in a lot of places but when we do, the car transforms into the karaoke showdown.

Keem usually will not sing along in the car, not sure why. She's got a good voice and used to be in choir. But not everyone is like me and not afraid to make their voice heard so I deal with it. Plus, she typically tells me to stop singing with the radio because "Dana, you're not at karaoke."

But this CD offers sing along options. There is the aforementioned "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" which is hugely fun. Keem and I will try to keep up with the Charlie Daniels Band but typically fail horribly. Then we have to start the song over again. So this is what it usually sounds like:

K & DM: The devil went down to Georgia, he was looking for a soul to steal
DM: He was in a bind 'cause he was way hind.
Keem: Hind? What's a hind?
DM: A small deer. Shut up.

Then we start over.

K & DM: The boy said: "My name's Johnny and it might be a sin,
DM: But I'll take your bet, you son of a gret?
Keem: You're gonna regret. Dork.

And we start over.

K & DM: And if you win you get this shiny fiddle made of gold.
Keem: But if you lose, the devil gets your sooooooul (completely off key). Crap!

And we start over. This might be one of the reasons why the CD skips.

Personally I think the devil should have won. His fiddle playing was much better than Johnny's. "Granny, does your dog bite no, child, no" is one of the dumbest lines ever.

Also on the CD are some songs from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

There's the Time Warp, of course, as evidenced from the above picture. I still do not know what the words are after "And then a step to the right." I usually just sing nonsense words. Keem has not yet caught me. She might be singing nonsense words as well. Hmm, let's use our good friend, Google. Oh! Well, that makes sense.

With your hands on your hips
You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane
Let's do the time warp again!

But the best possible song on this CD is sung by the wondrous Tim Curry. Any man that can look as good as he did wearing a corset and lipstick is fantastic. The little laugh he does at the end? Gets me every time.

So the weekend was kind of a bust but the road trip was fun. As long as you have good music and a good friend, the ride is more enjoyable. It would be better if we had a new CD made or maybe an iPod road trip doohickey but still, it was great.

This seems to me to be more of a Monday thing

2008-11-18T06:32:00.004-06:00

It is 6:32 AM. Instead of lying in my cozy bed, hitting the snooze button repeatedly, I am in the living room. Do you know why I am in the living room? Because at 6 AM, keem woke me up to tell me there was water pouring from the light fixture in her bathroom.

The water has stopped but we are waiting for the engineer to come and do something. Not sure what. But neither Keem or I want to take a shower now because you just know that is when someone will come pounding on the door.

Right now Keem is sitting on the couch and Kalli is attacking her. This is what I am hearing:

"Ow. Ow. Ow. No. Not the fingers. Ow. Obviously you do not understand the language of Ow."

She (the kitten, not Keem) is insane. Eddy, who is an intelligent water-fearing cat, stayed far away from the bathroom during the water catastrophe. Kalli was inside it. Staring at the water with fascination. She is also obsessed with ice cubes and has climbed inside of the freezer several times to get closer to them when I'm filling my glass.

I am really tired and want to go to bed. Seems to me you should be handed a "get-out-of-work-free" pass on days like this.

Oh, the engineer just called. Apparently the idiots who live upstairs forgot to put the shower curtain inside of the bath tub. Brilliant.

I'd love to say I'm going back to bed but unfortunately I need to guard Keem against the possibility of the engineer walking in on her while she's in the shower.

This is not my week.

I do live in Minnesota

2008-11-17T11:36:00.001-06:00

One of my co-workers sent this to me this morning. I don’t know if this actually is a Jeff Foxworthy thing but it could be. And it is very true.

Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota:

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by - You might live in Minnesota (Okay, I personally think this is insane).

If you're proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation - You might live in Minnesota.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March - You might live in Minnesota (Actually the Dairy Queen is open. It’s the A&W that’s closed seasonally).

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time - You might live in Minnesota (I don’t actually wear shorts but I have worn capris and my heavy coat at the same time).

If you know how to say Wayzata (Why-zetta), Mahtomedi (Mah-toe-me-die), Cloquet (Clo-kay), Edina (Eee-dye-na) and Shakopee (Shock-oh-pee) - You might live in Minnesota.

If vacation means going "up north" for the weekend - You might live in Minnesota (Done it when I’ve gone to Brainerd for the weekend before. Not for many years but it’s been there).

You measure distance in hours - You might live in Minnesota (I didn’t even realize I’ve done this before but I will typically say “It’s about 15 minutes” as opposed to “It’s about 5 miles.”

You know several people who have hit deer more than once - You might live in Minnesota.

You often switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again - You might live in Minnesota (Or, in my case, you keep the air conditioning on throughout the winter).

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching - You might live in Minnesota (fortunately I don’t know anyone who is that big of any idiot).

You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events - You might live in Minnesota (oh, dear God, no).

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked - You might live in Minnesota (maybe in the 70’s).

You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and Venison - You might live in Minnesota (No, Hell no and no).

You carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlfriend knows how to use them - You might live in Minnesota (I even know how to use jumper cables and I’ve never had a car).

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time - You might live in Minnesota (Don’t spend that much time at the Farm but probably true).

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit - You might live in Minnesota (ruins a good costume if you have to wear your coat over it).

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow - You might live in Minnesota (true).

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and of course, road construction - You might live in Minnesota (they forgot Mosquito season).

You can identify a southern or eastern accent - You might live in Minnesota (can’t everybody?).

Your idea of creative landscaping is a plastic deer next to your blue spruce - You might live in Minnesota (personally I prefer pink flamingos).

If "Down South" to you means Iowa - You might live in Minnesota.

You know "a brat" is something you eat - You might live in Minnesota (I had brats this weekend. Yum).

You find -10 degrees "a little chilly" - You might live in Minnesota (depends on what time of the year it is (if we’ve had a cold snap of minus 30 degrees for a week or more at a time, then yes, minus 10 is “a little chilly.”)

You actually understand these jokes - You DO live in Minnesota (or Wisconsin).

Weird

2008-11-16T22:37:00.002-06:00

I was just headed for bed when I realized I had not posted yet today. Glad I remembered.

Anyway, while sitting here, trying to figure out what I was going to post about, I just saw a Geico commercial. They are very, very, very weird. This was one of the Geico lizard talking to some woman while this crazy safari guy is following him. The crazy safari guy is hiding in a dumpster which gets picked up by a garbage truck.

I do not see what this has to do with auto insurance. But then, I don't really get the cavemen ones as well.

I did not get to go to Shopko. It was very sad. Plus I had a bottle of Welch's Grape soda explode over me in the car. This has not been my weekend.

Grr

2008-11-15T17:45:00.003-06:00

So my exciting trip to LaCrosse has so far been kind of a bust. Keem and I left work early yesterday and we were off. I was excited about the chance of eating her mother's Chinese Hot Dish (which is very much what my Grandmother used to make but we called it Chow Mein).

Keem and her parents went out to dinner with her aunt and uncle and cousins. I did not go. I was invited but, let's face it, I'm kind of anti-social. The thought of meeting new people kind of bothers me. I'm not sure why. Once I actually meet the people, I'm fine but I don't look forward to doing it. So when I was offered the chance to stay home, play on the computer and hang out on my own, I was all for it.

Today, Keem, her mother and I headed to Majestic Pines for some fun. Except I was sitting in the back seat and started to feel sick. Usually I can combat car sickness by reading but it wasn't going away. Kathy (Keem's mom) was surprised to hear that I get car sick if I don't read. Everyone else is the exact opposite. I've always been able to read in the car.

Keem and my former roommate Jeff called right when we pulled up to the casino. We talked to him for a little bit and then went inside. Some woman admired my shirt and another woman told me how much she loved my purse. And it was her birthday. Oh, and she was kind of drunk. I figured that out when she kept fondling my purse. I waved goodbye to the money I had earmarked for the casino and then we headed back to LaCrosse.

I was not feeling good again and really felt sick to my stomach. I was sipping my Orange Hi-C that we got from McDonalds this morning and all of sudden I knew what was going to happen. I gasped out "I'm going to throw up." Kathy looked at me and said "Oh, you don't want to do that." I replied "No, I really don't."

Another sip of Hi-C, trying to calm my stomach and then I ripped the lid off the glass and proceeded to start throwing up. It was lots and lots of fun. Kathy pulled over and I heaved all over the side of the road for awhile.

That was fun. Woo-hoo!

It helped though. Right now I feel better, still slightly sick but a good dinner of Brats and roasted potatoes has helped. But I think I'm going to bed early tonight. Hopefully tomorrow will go as planned, a trip to Shopko where I hope to find the newest JD Robb book on sale.

I hope you're having a much better weekend.

Despair.com rocks!

2008-11-14T11:52:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I have talked about this before. I love this website. I can't help it. It is just so damn awesome.

I am signed up to receive the wailing list at work and so today, Christy overheard me laughing.

Christy: What's so funny?
DM: Hee! New Despair.com Demotivator.
Christy: Forward it to me.

I do so.

Christy: Oh, Dana. You and your Demotivators.
DM: Yeah, but it is awesome and you know it.
Christy: Yes, it is.

This was the new Demotivator:

God, I love them. And the funny thing is I checked out Melissa's site today and she had posted the same thing. Great minds work alike.

And now I have the stupid "Love is in the air" song stuck in my head. Grr.

Speaking of romance and its quirks - did anyone watch Grey's Anatomy last night? While I'm thrilled that Denny's real (apparently) and back (apparently), is anyone else completely confused? The man is dead. How can Izzie be kissing him? Does that mean she's nuts?

Did you know there's a website all about stealing memes?

2008-11-13T20:17:00.000-06:00

This will help me get through November!

Sunday Stealing: The Nudder Meme

1. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
Keem, of course. Co-workers Jessica, Rykken & Christy and Boss Cheryl.

2. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
Going to LaCrosse tomorrow with Keem, Thanksgiving and Christmas

3. Who was the last person you called?
Beth to tell her I can't go to karaoke tonight because I have to go into work early tomorrow

4. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Getting ready to go to bed - last night was the weekly America's Next Top Model/Stylista viewing with Keem and Kari. Kari was sick the week before so we had 2 episodes of each to watch. Which is almost too much drama to handle in one night. Almost.

5. Are your parents married/divorced?
Divorced. My father is also dead.

6. When did you last see your mom?
Christmas. I think. Um, after looking at my blog, I realized it was in April. Wow. I'm bad at this keeping track of time thing.

7. What are you wearing right now?
Black and white paisley top, purple pants

8. Where is your favorite place to be?
My living room with the cats, watching something fun and either blogging or playing a game on my pretty, pretty laptop.

9. Where is your least favorite place to be?
The dentist's office. Which I am going to have to go to soon because my left side of the mouth is really bothering me - especially when I drink something cold. And apparently one of the wisdom teeth that I swear got pulled years ago is trying to come back on my right side. My mouth is not a happy mouth.

10. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
Back to Portugal. Travel Europe.

11. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
Still in Minnesota. Kari would kill me if I moved. Still working for NABABNA.

12. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
Probably watching Kalli dive head first into Keem's water glass while swatting her hand away. You probably had to see it but it was hilarious.

13. What cities/towns/villages have you lived in?
Mahtomedi, MN. Saint Paul, MN. Maplewood, MN. Madison, WI. I'm sure there are others. I moved a lot in my twenties.

14. Are you a social person?
Good God, no. I am not overly fond of people. Beth told me once I am not a people person, I'm a person person.

15. Do you sleep alone?
Why does every meme ask this question? Yes. I am 41 and alone. The only thing that sleeps with me is Hippo. And occasionally Kalli.

Everyone wants to be me

2008-11-12T23:38:00.004-06:00

I live in a whirlwind of excitement. Here's why:

So we come home from work and Keem is refilling the treat bag (gallon size Glad bag that we pour a variety of crunchy treats into so it is mixed properly for Eddy (he's spoiled. We admit it). Kalli is circling around Keem's ankles, trying her best to convince us that she is starving and no one feeds her and she has to scramble for crumbs because we are so mean and cruel to her. And then she leaps! And grabs on to Keem's shorts for dear life, her back claws digging into Keem's leg. The next thing I know, Kalli is hanging straight down, her front paws holding on to Keem's shirt. Keem is saying "Ow, ow, ow! Cat! Ow!" And I am in the kitchen, watching all of this. Do I run into the living room to save Keem? No. I am laughing hysterically and wishing I had my camera handy.
Kalli discovered how to get on top of the Entertainment Center last night. But she does not know how to get down and sits there and mews. So I rescued her. And about 15 minutes later, when I am in bed, sleeping like a normal person, I hear a crash. She has knocked over the shelf the VHS tapes are on (eventually we will get rid of them. It's not like we have hooked up the VCR in this apartment) and is back on the Entertainment Center. Still hasn't figured how to get down. I rescuse her again. Hmm. Perhaps I should move the small table she's using to leap up onto the DVD rack and from there the Entertainment Center. That would be smart.
Keem just opened a box from Swiss Colony and is singing "I've got a box of mixed nuts, diddly dee" (to the tune of "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts", in case you were confused). Hee!
If you thought getting the Despair.com catalog was the highlight of my month, you would be wrong. Clearly it was the Mustard Museum newsletter. Featuring a picture of the owner dressed as Edward Splatterhands. Wish I which I could find on their website because it is seriously funny and would creep out James (the guy's hands are dripping with mustard).

Who needs depressing poetry written at the height of my angsty years when you have all of this, right? My life is so full.

Oh, and also, when my mom asked me if I was still taking Meridia and if it worked, I said no, my prescription ran out and it worked when I remembered to take it. Her response? "Oh, Dana, you're a big girl." Um, yeah, that's why I was taking a diet aid! I know that's not how she meant it but still, work on the phrasing there, mother.

Another Writer's Digest Prompt

2008-11-11T21:19:00.003-06:00

Back in High School when teenage angst was what I went through daily but didn't know there was a specific phrase for it (I graduated in 1985. I'm old), I used to write poems based on my crush of the week's name spelled out. So if his name was John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, each line would start with the next letter of his name*. I wrote my best poetry in High School. In other words, my best poetry was written when I was deep in the depths of depression. I once wrote a poem where it was a discussion between a teenage girl and Death about whether He should come get her while she was bleeding out from slicing her wrists. Not one of my best poems, by any stretch of the imagination, but darkly imaginative.

And if you were to ask me if I would want that creativity back again, if I would trade my happiness now for what I once had? I would say Hell No! While I miss school (the learning, not the uncertainty and the bullies), I don't miss the depressions or the hours spent sobbing into my pillow case (or once my cat Kitty's fur (she was named Buttons but we never called her that)). I am thankful daily for Effexor.

Anyway, it is day 11 of the month and I needed to come up with something. Sure, I could post yet another picture of Kalli and talk about how she is secretly trying to kill us (okay, probably not) or how her newest obsession is with ice cubes (Seriously. She will try to dive into our glasses for them. I dropped an ice cube on the floor and she played with it for two minutes (and probably would keep playing if she hadn't knocked it underneath the dishwasher) but I thought I would try another prompt from Writer's Digest.

Today's prompt is this:

Write a 26-word story where every word begins with a different letter of the alphabet.

ABC Story

Ably, Boris climbed downwards. Evil French giant hollered. "I jump! Kill little man!" Now our protagonist quickly ran serpentine. Terrorists undulated violently. "Xanax!" yelled Zachary.

I'm not sure exactly why Boris turned out to be suffering from panic attacks and anxiety but hey, that's how it worked.

Plus, this was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

*One's first name was Scott. This is how the poem started. Good Lord, was I weird (okay, still am but so not the point)!

Sand and sunshine were promised in the ocean of your eyes.
Crying was not known, the crying I was soon to know.
Oceans have destroyed many, who, searching for sanity
traveled, lost in the depths. I,
Too, am lost.

I really don't remember it that well. The first two lines came easily and then it was

Oceans have something or another many, who searching for something
traveled, lost because or in something. I,
Too, am lost, lost in the something.

So not my best work. I think tomorrow I'll tell the story of my favorite poem I ever wrote. That should be interesting. And, oh, yeah, kind of depressing as well.

This is what I wake up to each morning

2008-11-10T18:51:00.005-06:00

This could be Kalli.

I have fallen prey to the horrible spelling of the LOL cats from I Can Has Cheezburger. It's the tiny faces and the cuteness and I can't resist them.

After all, they have Karaoke kitties:

And evil kitties (just like in my own apartment):

But the best possible thing I found tonight? LOL Star Trek. Seriously. This is hilarious.

http://granades.com/2007/05/02/loltrek/

Kitty Revenge

2008-11-09T11:59:00.006-06:00

Last week I decided to put the lion hat on Kalli (why should Eddy be the only one to be tortured by Keem and I?). Just to see what her reaction would be.

This was it:

The hat was off within 2.5 seconds and this was the only picture I got. That was one pissed off kitten.

I guess I really shouldn't be surprised that today, out of the blue, she decided to bite the hand that feeds her.

And another meme

2008-11-08T16:32:00.000-06:00

I found this a long time ago and might as well post it now. It still counts.

Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
The wily bird, however, leads them only to their deaths, flashing its wings enticingly until they fall into a bottomless racine. - About the Alicanto, a strange bird monster. From the book "The Element Encyclopedia of Magical Creatures" by John and Caitlin Matthews. It was a Christmas gift from my mom and is seriously cool.

Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
Okay. My elbow cracked. That was painful. Thanks a lot.

What was the last thing you watched on TV?
Journey to the Center of the Earth. Actually much better than I thought it would be. And Brendan Fraser is seriously hot. Now I'm watching National Treasure 2. Nicholas Cage is also hot.

Without looking, guess what time it is.
8:30 PM

Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
10:20 PM

With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Dramatic music from the movie. Callie trying to attack Eddy in the cat tube.

Before you took this survey, what were you looking at?
CDW's blog on Word Press. Thinking about moving mine. Might have to do a test run.

What are you wearing?
White and pink striped tank top and jeans.

Did you dream last night?
More than likely but I don't remember.

When did you last laugh?
About 15 minutes ago, watching Kalli run around the room like a crazy furry top.

What is on the walls of the room you're in?
Paint.

Seen anything weird lately?
Not really.

What do you think of this quiz?
It's a quiz. Not the world's greatest.

What was the last film you saw?
Journey to the Center of the Earth. Were you not paying attention?

If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
I don't know. Buy a house. Buy my sister a house. Maybe get an El Camino (and possibly a driver's license).

Tell me something about you that I don't know.
Late at night, whenever everyone else is sleeping, I change into a half human, half snow leopard creature. Well, no, but I can't think of anything that I haven't told people about.

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Gay marriage would be legal.

Do you like to dance?
I like to chair dance.

George Bush
Is going to be out of office soon. Thank the Lord.

Imagine your first child is a girl, what would you name her?
Elizabeth True

Imagine your first child is a boy, what would you name him?
Dmitri Aloyious. Good thing I'm not having kids, huh?

Would you consider living abroad?
I would live in Portugal in a heart beat.

What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Why, yes, Dana, cats and dogs do get to come to Heaven. Muffin, Kitty, Clyde and Maime are all waiting for you.

I don't tag. But if you happen to do this, let me know and I'll come read it. I am fond of the memes.

This post brought to you by Hasbro

2008-11-07T22:29:00.002-06:00

Last month, Beth turned 30. She had a party at her house which we referred to as the milestone party. After all, so far this year she has bought a house, graduated from college and turned 30.

I spent the weekend so we could scrapbook and we had a lot of fun. Saturday, the night of the party, Beth and her mom ran up to Target so they could buy Catch Phrase. We had some time to kill and Beth had been telling me about the game so I wanted to try it.

Have you played this game? Seriously fun. The whole point is to get people to guess your catch phrase but you can't say the word/phrase, something that rhymes or "It starts with this letter."

The party was low key and that was cool with us. We sat outside by the fire (her mom and Scott (her mom's boyfriend) brought over their fire pit) and told stories and laughed. Her mom cooked so there was sloppy joes, macaroni salad, cupcakes, the best chocolate chip cookies in the history of the world (Laurie is an excellent cook).

After every one left, Beth and I sat in the living room and played Catch Phrase. I can't remember everything but there was this one clue I gave her.

"It's yellow and it is my favorite weed and you can make a wish." Beth correctly guessed Dandelion.

A little bit later, Beth gave me the clue "They swim."

I shouted out "Dandelions!"

Yeah, that so wasn't the right thing. Beth gave me the "You are a freak" look. I told her I had actually meant tadpoles. You know because they're so similar to dandelions. Of course I got them mixed up.

Another thing that happened that weekend was on Friday, Beth made a pot roast for Laurie and I. I was sitting by her refridgerator where she has these magnetic bars (you can hang knives on them but eventually she's going to use them to hang pictures). Beth turns around and sees me holding one of the bars to my head.

Well, obviously I need to come up with something logical to say. She's got the "You are a freak" look (one I am so very familiar with) on her face.

DM: I'm trying to see if my head is magnetic. It's not.

Beth turns to her mother.

Beth: In case you were wondering, Dana's head is not magnetic.
Laurie: I better write that down. I might forget that.

I am mocked constantly. I don't understand.

Anyway, the whole point to this is I had fun celebrating Beth's milestones with her and Catch Phrase is an absolutely awesome game. I think part of the fun is the odd answers people come up with.

These amused me

2008-11-06T16:09:00.000-06:00

So Co-Worker Christine (not Christy) got married last month and then had her honeymoon/symbolic ceremony in Mexico this month. She sent out the pictures and there were some that caught my attention and, yes, amused me.

This was the view from her room. Very pretty. And yes, I am a little jealous.

This amused me because of the whole frog aspect. She also brought me back a Senor Frog's shot glass which one of my many frogs now looks like he is imbibing from it.

May I just say HA! I have felt like this many times. Probably a good thing I don't drive.

And I just thought this was a pretty clever way of saying "Please don't litter."

Congratulations to Christine and Wilder. I am very happy for them both and wish I could have been there to help them celebrate (Keem and I were invited but I ran out of PTO months ago. And there was no way I could come up with the money for it either).

ARGH! Minnesota! C'mon!

2008-11-05T18:11:00.003-06:00

So there's an automatic recount for the Minnesota Senate race. Norm Coleman & Al Franken were pretty close. Please God, please don't make me have to deal with another 6 years of Norm Coleman. Please. I really, really miss Paul Wellstone.

While I wait eagerly for the results of the election

2008-11-04T20:04:00.004-06:00

It's 9:45 CT and right now the mood is cheerful in my apartment. I am watching the crowds in Chicago cheering at Senator Obama's election headquarters. There are thousands of people there. It looks good right now with 206 electoral votes in Obama's favor. I'm also hoping to see something about the race for Senator. I am hoping very much that I do not have to deal with Norm Coleman anymore. Apparently the television is listening to me and just flashed that it is Norm 41% and Al Franken 42%.

Anyway, to kill some time and to help me keep on the path to finishing NaBloPoMo, here are some pictures from the last few days. Of course, I must show you pictures of my adorable babies, Kalli and Eddy.

Kalli finds everything in the kitchen absolutely fascinating.

So she was quite excited when I started unloading the dishwasher the other day.

The fact that this is a sharp blade doesn't faze her at all. I did move it away from her quickly.

I have been spending some time at I Can Has Cheezburger. Makes me laugh. Kalli is fascinated by the pictures. I tried to angle her so I could show the picture she was looking at as well but she would not have it.

Here Eddy enjoys a moment of peace before Kalli attacks him. He's taking to hiding in the tube when she is on her rampages throughout the apartment.

And now she has found him. He tries to destroy her with his laser eyes but it is not working.

Now for some pictures of me in all my beauteous glory.

Remember when I said I would post a picture of when I cut my hair and everyone was laughing hysterically about it at work? Well, here it is.

This was my Halloween costume. I was the cheap, white trash version of Hello Kitty. I may start wearing my hair this way more often.

And then this one is my favorite. Even though my hair looks like crap and my face is incredibly shiny.

I voted. Thumbs up, America!

And to update at 10:02 PM CT. He won! He won! Obama won! I am so happy!

Yet another reason why I have some of the most awesome co-workers in the world

2008-11-03T14:43:00.001-06:00

So I was updating our Internal Library today and was getting more and more depressed at the state of our economy. Two of our clients have suspended paying dividends, one is filing for bankruptcy and another one is rumored to be going bankrupt.

I asked Co-Worker Rykken if I could vent and he agreed. I pointed out the Internal Library alerts and bemoaned how bad things are. He reminded me tomorrow was the beginning of the change and that did help but I wasn't completely convinced.

I went back to the Internal Library inbox and found this email from him:

______________________________________________
From: Co-Worker Rykken
Sent: Monday, November 03, 2008 1:44 PM
To: Internal Library Inbox
Subject:

Happy Funtime Company announced that sales are at an all time high. CEO Jerry Smiles said the future of Happy Funtime looks positive, "The future is so bright you will need to wear shades." Coincidently, Sunglass Hut sales are up 2%. Sales of Cory Hart's CDs are still rock bottom.

This made me laugh (of course) and Co-Workers Jessica and Christy asked me what was so funny. I forwarded the email to them.

Christy: Who is Corey Hart?
DM: Groan (she's really young). "I wear my sunglasses at night so I can…so I can…"
Rykken: Oh. That means I was wrong. I meant the other song, the future's so bright one

Being me and knowing that this will drive me crazy if I don't figure out who sang the song, I Googled it.

DM: It's Timbuk 3
Christy: Well, that's an interesting name.
Rykken: Might explain why they don't have a lot of popular songs

That led to a discussion of 80's movies (started because I remember the Timbuk 3 song being in Kuffs and Rykken thinks it is in The Secret of My Success) and Rykken's trying to remember Michael J. Fox's name led to the discussion about how awesome the Back to the Future movies are (Keem and I had a mini marathon Saturday night (they were playing in order on Encore. I love cable)). And now my mood is better. I love my job.

I've also been typing November 4th, 2008 on everything today. I may just be a little eager for tomorrow.

H is for Halloween

2008-11-02T19:48:00.003-06:00

Since I decided to give NaBloPoMo a try again this year, I thought I would bring back the Encyclopedia of Dee Em again. It's fitting that I go with Halloween, considering it was a few days ago.

I used to subscribe to Writer's Digest and every once in awhile will visit their writer's prompt area for something to kick start my imagination. This was the first one on the list: Thinking back to your childhood and the many Halloween costumes you wore, which costume was your favorite and why?

H is for Halloween

Halloween has been my 2nd favorite holiday for years. I remember a couple of my costumes, there is one where I am a hobo and am wearing an old jacket of my dad's, along with some black makeup for coal (apparently I was riding the rails). One year my next door neighbor, Linda, Kari and I decided to dress like ghosts from different eras. Linda was from the 1950's and looked like a dead pin up girl. Kari and I went for earlier time frames - I was from the 1750's and Kari was from the 1850's. Well, as close as we could get since we really didn't have a lot of money to put into it. Pretty much we all wore a lot of white paint and blush along with whatever we could come up with for our dresses.

One thing I do remember about this night was Linda and I were harassed by some jerk for being too old to trick or treat. I think we were 15 and Kari was 13. Um, yeah, how is that too old? Plus, are we supposed to let my 13 year old sister wander around by herself?

Years later, my friend Becky and I went to a Halloween party and she was dressed like a cat and I went as a gypsy. I have the picture somewhere, I'll have to see if I can dig it out. Lots of layers, huge gold hoop earrings (it was the 80's after all) and my tarot cards for that touch of authenticity (I was never very good at them but it was fun to try).

When I was working at the Dark Side Bank, I worked with a guy named Otis. When I started, I thought the office needed a Milo. One day I was at the store in our building and I saw this ball that had a smiley face on it. Smiley face = Milo. The office embraced Milo and that began my collection of smiley faces. By the time I ended up quitting, I had at least 50 (most of them were gifts from co-workers (which is where most of my frog collection at NABANA has come from)).

For the 3 Halloweens that I worked there, each year I did a different costume. I'm not sure of the order but each year I was Milo dressed as something. One year it was Milo dressed as a pumpkin. The costume was incredibly simple. A shirt the color of whatever I wanted (orange for pumpkin) and electrical tape. I made a smiley face out of the electrical tape and attached it to my shirt.

The next year I bought a witch's hat and said Milo and I were arguing over what we were going to be. I wanted to be a witch and he wanted to be a cat. I had a small stuffed black cat and Milo was created on a yellow shirt with whiskers.

The last year I was there I went simple and just said Milo was a ghost. I had lost my enthusiam for my job about that time and I would leave in 2 months. My last day was December 31st, 1999 and I started at NABABNA on January 10th, 2000. Best decision I ever made.

In 2001, I was over at Keem's apartment (this was before we became roommates) and she was showing me her old prom dress and a wizard's outfit she had made as a Halloween costume. She offered to let me wear her prom dress as a costume. I decided to go as a princess (long before I became Queen of the Universe (I was still Queen of the Dorks then)). The dress was extremely low cut and at one point, one of my co-workers was walking by when I had leaned over to plug my monitor cord back in (my boss liked to unplug it as a joke. Once he did it while I was in an escalated call. I was not laughing). All of a sudden his eyes got hilariously huge because he got an extreme shot of Dana cleavage.

I was feeling a bit uncomfortable after that so I put on my coat and a pair of sunglasses and I became Incognito Princess.

My favorite costume was the Queen of the Universe outfit that I did a couple of Halloweens in a row.

Those are glow in the dark stars. They are attached by velcro. The word you're looking for is awesome.

If I can get the picture of my costume for Friday to work, I'll show it to you. I tried to go as a cat disguised as a pumpkin carved as a cat. But the electrical tape didn't work. Instead I ended up as a very cheap, white trash version of Hello Kitty.

Apparently Keem overheard two of my co-workers talking about my costume. The big problems they had was that I didn't look like Hello Kitty. Um, hello. I was a cat. I was waving. And it was a freaking joke!

What did you do for Halloween?

Yes, it's a meme. But it's about books! Yay books!

2008-11-01T08:04:00.004-06:00

So Miss Melissa posted a bunch of links to people who are writing about the books they loved as a child. I clicked on one of the links randomly and found this meme at My Past in Books (awesome name). I will post every day this stupid November! I will!

What was the last book you bought?
I'm not positive. It may have been Acheron by Sherrilyn Kenyon but that was awhile ago.

Name a book you have read MORE than once.
Anything by Nora Roberts. She's my favorite author and I'll usually reread her books while I'm waiting for her new books. Also Kane and Abel and The Prodigal Daughter by Jeffrey Archer. I've read Kane and Abel about 13 times and The Prodigal Daughter about 12.

Has a book ever fundamentally changed the way you see life? If yes, what was it?
I don't think so. I do remember once deciding to model my room on a Laura Ingalls Wilder book and I was going to have a Spartan exhistence. Just my bed and one doll. That didn't last long.

How do you choose a book? (eg. by cover design and summary, recommendations or reviews)
Authors - I have a few favorite authors and will buy their books automatically. Nora Roberts, Mil Millington, Charlaine Harris, Kim Harrison, etc. Oh, and Christopher Moore. Neil Gaiman. Okay, it used to be a few. I've expanded the list apparently because this was only supposed to be one or two. After that, if I'm looking for a new author, I'll look at the book description - what is it about? If it intrigues me, I'll usually pick it up. I wish I got to the library more often since I've wasted some good money on books that were incredibly annoying. However, this method did lead me to discover the Thursday Next books by Jasper Ffordes and they were fantastic.

Do you prefer Fiction or Non-Fiction?
Definitly fiction. I read fiction to escape into the book. I will read some non-fiction but typically autobiographies. And I really have to like the person. So far I've read The Rock's and Meat Loaf's autobiographies. I've heard Bruce Campbell's is good and I'd love to read Adam West's.

What’s more important in a novel - beautiful writing or a gripping plot?
Well, I'd really like it to have both. There are a few authors that can do both - Nora Roberts (her descriptions of Alaska and Wyoming have made me want to move there) and Harlan Coben (he did a description of going to a baseball game with his father that made me want to start following baseball. I hate sports!) both come to mind.

Most loved/memorable character (character/book).
God. How do I choose? Can I pick Buffy? I do like the novels. Um, I think I have to say Shadow from American Gods by Neil Gaiman. I really loved him. I also loved Davey Dempsey in Jennifer Crusie's Welcome to Temptation and was thrilled when she wrote his own book (Faking It).

Which book or books can be found on your nightstand at the moment?
I don't read in bed. Unfortunately I have discovered that reading in bed is not conducive to a good night's sleep. I will sit up until I finish the book.

What was the last book you’ve read, and when was it?
I just finished Sherilyn Kenyon's Acheron this morning. At 7:30 because Kalli decided she was hungry and thought biting my feet would convince me to get out of bed (she was right). Now I don't know what I'm going to read. Hopefully Keem and I will be taking a trip to the Big Book Store in the Sky (Barnes and Noble. And no, I have no idea why we call it that. But I call Archiver's the Mother Ship so I guess it kind of makes sense. That many books feels like I'm in Heaven).

Have you ever given up on a book half way in?
Sometimes. It is very rare because it is difficult for me to put time into a book and not finish. I have finished some absolutely horrible books because of this. Others I will read the last chapter so I can stop reading it (Dean Koontz's Face scared the crap out of me so I read the last chapter. It was well written but really creepy).

Sad

2008-10-30T15:02:00.001-06:00

We received an email today from our supreme commander (boss's boss's boss's boss) that one of my co-workers passed away. His name was Kelly and he was a sweet and funny man. I didn't know him that well (since he was up there in the high echelons of the company) but he always had a smile for me and would occasionally ask me if I was still going to karaoke (which was something that was brought up in my first "Welcome to NABABNA Stock Transfer" meeting four years ago).

I am leaving work early today because I started crying when talking to my boss (the awesome Cheryl). I'm crying now. I'm trying to stop but there's so many things piling up on me again. It's the end of the month so there was a lot of stress over getting all of my calls monitored. I updated 20 items in our Internal Library which took me all day. When I got the email, I started thinking about how I would feel if anything happened to Cheryl. And, of course, I keep forgetting to take my Effexor. Cheryl said she's going to add that to my job requirements. Maybe if my raise rides on it, I'll remember (yes, she's kidding).

Have a good night. Don't die. I hate it when people die.

On a lighter note, last night I opened up the mail box and was incredibly excited to see this:

I love www.despair.com with all my heart. Is that wrong?

Because it is important

2008-10-29T21:30:00.003-06:00

I don't care who you vote for (well, okay, I do but I respect your right to make your own decision) but I do care that you vote.

Beth, I'm warning you right now Leonardo DeCaprio is in this video and he doesn't die. Don't watch the video. I know you're voting.

Would someone please tell me what the hell is up with Marshall's hair? Um, what's his real name? Uh, Jason Segal. That's it!

Found on the incomparable NPW's site.

Memey, memey meme

2008-10-27T12:30:00.000-06:00

Found this here using the Little Black Box. I'm always in the mood for a new blog and a new meme! Thanks, Wanderlust Scarlett!

What are your initials? DMV

What is your favorite thing to wear? Well, I really hate clothing but recognize that it must be worn or I will get arrested so I'll say my red leather jacket.

Last thing you ate? Cold steak from Manny's. Best breakfast ever.

Name one thing that scares you: Clowns, vampires (except for Angel & Spike), escalators, glass elevators & President Palin

I say Shotgun, you say: Maybe you should drive since I don't have a license.

Who was the last person in your bed? I sleep alone, thank you very much.

What were you doing at 7:00 AM? Hitting the snooze alarm and petting Kalli.

Last person you hugged? Beth's mom last night.

Does anyone you know want to date you? Excuse me while I burst into hysterical laughter. That would be a no, in case you didn't get that.

When was your last encounter with the police? When Keem got a speeding ticket.

Have you ever driven without a license? Since I've never had one, I'd have to say yes.

The last place you went out to dinner? Manny's steakhouse to celebrate Beth's birthday. Yummy!

Do you like your name? I am not fond of Dana but I like the way Dana Marie Vittum sounds. That's why I'll either refer to myself as DM Vittum or Dana Marie Vittum.

What time of the day is it? Break time! 10:30.

Who/What made you angry today? What? Are you trying to insinuate that I can't control my temper? Who the heck do you think you are? Okay, sorry. Kidding.

Do you want anyone?: Other than friends, family and a decent president, no.

Do you like birds?: Yes! They hop! And are fun of watch.

Favorite Holiday?: Halloween. Christmas.

Do you download music? Yes. iTunes gives away free music every Tuesday.

Do you care if your socks are dirty? I really don't wear socks if I can help it.

Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos? Why not? But make sure the tattoo artist can spell.

What are you doing tonight? Chiropratic appointment at 5:45 and then home to watch The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother and Worst Week.

Do you like to cuddle? Sure do.

Do you love anyone? Uh, yeah. Friends, family, small annoying cats.

Whose bed did you sleep in last night? Mine

Have you ever bungee jumped? I am afraid of heights so no way in hell.

Have you ever gone whitewater rafting? Does tubing down the Apple River count? There are some rapids. It was not my idea of fun.

Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? I can't remember the last time I've been hit on, let alone how old they were.

How many pets do you have? My roommate and I have joint custody of two of the most adorable cats in the world.

Have you met a real redneck? According to Jeff Foxworthy, I might just be one because I have worn knee-highs with a skirt before.

How is the weather right now? Not bad. Kind of cold but it's Minnesota.

What are you listening to right now? Christy typing.

What was the last movie you watched? South Park the Movie.

Do you wear contacts? It's been at least 15 years.

Where was the last place you went besides your house? Manny's Steakhouse. Before that, Beth's house for the weekend.

What are you wearing? Brown jeans that don't look like jeans (it's Business Casual today), pink and white top, my shoes are kicked off underneath my desk, the bracelet Beth got for me.

What's one thing you've learned this year? I'd like to say "Not to cut my own hair" but that would be a lie since I chopped off an annoying strand of hair this weekend.

What do you usually order from Starbucks? I don't like Starbucks. Their coffee always tastes burnt & they have really sucky tea choices. I prefer Caribou.

Ever have anyone sing to you? Yeah. His name was Quagna. And he would have been the perfect man for me if he hadn't tried to hit his friend over the head with a beer bottle.

Have you ever fired a gun: Not in this life time.

Are you missing someone? My grandmother.

Favorite TV show? Big Bang Theory, Psych, Heroes (although not so much this season).

What do you have an obsession with? Books. Magnets.

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb? A couple of times.

Who? Roseanne. The guy that played Bruno on Fame (the television show), Emma Samms

Who would you like to see right now? My grandmother. My mom (at least she's in Arizona).

Ever had a near death experience? Sort of. I didn't actually die though so I guess not. Oh wait, that's why it is called near death. I was in a head on collision and, at the point of impact, felt someone grab my shoulder and hold me back. It was weird. Probably saved my life because I was an idiot and not wearing a seatbelt.

Are you afraid of falling in love? Love stinks, yeah, yeah.

Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? I'm sure I have. I am positive I'm blogged about most of them.

Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently? No

Our Lady Peace or Nickelback? Never heard Our Lady Peace but I hate Nickelback with a radiant hot passion that burns with the ferocity of a thousand suns so they win by default.

What's something that really bugs you? Bugs. Winter.

Do you like Michael Jackson? Eh. His early music was okay.

Taco Bell or Burger King? Taco Bell. They have Pepsi products so there is Mountain Dew, the sweet, sweet ambrosia of the Gods.

Next time you will kiss someone? Do cats count? Probably not. Um, maybe 400 years from now.

Favorite baseball team? Um, the Twins, I guess. Not that I really care about baseball.

Ever call a 1-900 phone number? Why? What would be the point?

Nipple or Nose rings? Both but not anymore. I have thought of getting my nose pierced again.

What's the longest time you've gone without sleep? 36 hours I think? When I was really, really, really young (in my twenties).

Last time you went bowling? At least 2 or so years.

Where is the weirdest place you have slept? At Lakewood Community College in the hallway, head on the shoulder of a friend of mine. We told everyone we slept together until his girlfriend got really pissed off about it.

Who did you last speak with on the phone? Keem.

What does your last received text message say? I don't text.

What's the closest orange object to you? Besides the publish post button? The Outlook alert and my pencil sharpener. And a highlighter and the ring on my Target pharmacy bottles so I don't get them mixed up with anyone else in my home.

Kitten of the Corn - a photo essay

2008-10-20T17:26:00.007-06:00

Hello! My name is Kalli and this is my big brother Eddy. I adore him and like to cuddle and spend lots of time with him because I am just the sweetest kitten in the world. Don't you just want to pick me up and kiss me over and over again? Of course you do.

Here I am delicately licking my paw. When I drink water, sometimes I drink it in a normal manner by applying my tongue directly to the water itself. But other times, to increase my absolute cuteness, I will dip my paw in the water and then lick it off. Aren't I angelic in nature? Yes, yes, I am.

Do you know why I do that? Because I am fascinated with water. I know I should be afraid of it like other cats. But I'm not like other cats. I'm different. I'm special. Sometimes I like to hop into the shower with Keem. It's fun.

I really like to snuggle with the humans. Humans are also fascinating. Like really large beings that I can walk all over and they don't even care.

They say "Oh, Kalli, please stop biting your brother."

Or "Kalli, please, for the love of God, leave my toes alone." But they don't do anything about it.

Do you know why? It is because I am their Kitten Overlord. They must obey. Resistance is futile.

Note from Dana:

So yesterday I was home sick (again. Enough with the cold already). Remember those episodes of the Road Runner when Wile E. Coyote would chase after the Road Runner and end up running off the side of the road? I heard this scrabbling noise yesterday and turned to see Kalli's head suspended over the counter, her paws flailing frantically. Then there is a crash and I run to the kitchen expecting to see my poor wounded baby bleeding and broken from the butter dish she managed to pull down with her. But she's not. Instead she's batting around the broken glass. Great. And when I try to sweep it up, she thinks that I'm playing with her. She is such a dork.

I ended up calling Kalli kitten of the corn because of the butter dish and then she tore the springy thing on the door off (what are those springy things on the door called? Door stops?) and batted it around the apartment for awhile. Plus there was the constant attacking of Eddy. How do you persuade a kitten that everything in the apartment is not a toy? The spray bottle works a little bit but I can't use it when she attacks Eddy. It's not fair to spray him as well.

Sigh. I love her. She's a sweet, sweet kitty when she wants to be. But I am really beginning to think she might be a tiny little bit evil.

I love me some TV

2008-10-18T13:00:00.000-06:00

Found over at Sarcomical. Years ago. But I am out of posting ideas.

FAVORITE TV MOM: Marion Cunningham from Happy Days. She was a bit ditzy but so nice.

FAVORITE TV DAD: Brandon and Brenda's Dad from Beverly Hills, 90210. No clue what his name was.

FAVORITE ENDEARING NERD: Hodges on CSI: I love him.

RUNNER UP: A RUNNER UP in the NERD category?!? Hiro on Heroes. Or Leonard on the Big Bang Theory

FAVORITE SHOW, NOSTALGIC: Oh, boy, I have no clue. The Electric Company?

FAVORITE SHOW, EVER AND EVER, TLA: Buffy

VERY CLOSE RUNNER UP: Angel (and Firefly. I love Joss Whedon)

CHARACTER I KINDA WANTED TO BE: Sabrina from Charlie's Angels

CHARACTER I REALLY WANT TO BE: Kate from Lost - She's funny, pretty in the girl next door sort of way, independent, slender (not stick thin), smart and has some sort of thing going on with Sawyer. Mmm, Sawyer.

BEST TV HOUSE: It doesn't really count as a house but I love Inara's shuttle on Firefly.

BEST ROMANCE: Sun and Jin on Lost. I love the flashback episodes about them. And yeah, they have had some problems and she was going to leave him but once they started communicating, things are much better. Well, if you don't count the fact that they're on a deserted island. Boy this was awhile ago. Let's add and HE'S DEAD now.

BEST FINALE EPISODE I CAN REMEMBER: I don't like finales. I always have so many questions that I want answered and I hate saying goodbye to characters that I love.

FAVORITE EPISODE EVER: The episode on How I Met Your Mother when Barney made everyone tell their most embarrassing moments? I guess. I've watched a lot of TV throughout the years. Ooh! And every single one of the Treehouse of Horror episodes on the Simpsons.

RUNNER UP: I still think of it now. 21 Jump Street - the episode where they talked about the bullies that they had dealt with in their lives. I like flash back episodes.

FAVORITE RANDOM LINES: You are strange and offputting. Go now. Dracula to Xander on Buffy.

CHARACTER I WOULD MOST WANT TO BE STRANDED ON DESERT ISLAND WITH: Michael from Burn Notice. Or HRG from Heroes.

BEST CHEMISTRY: Leonard and Penny on The Big Bang Theory. Except it's an odd and twisted type of chemistry

BEST DREAM GUY: Michael from Burn Notice. He's a spy! He's the McGyver of the spy world! Plus he gets to hang out with Bruce Campbell.

BEST DREAM GIRL: Huh. I guess Buffy because she kicks ass and looks fabulous doing it

SUPER FANTASTIC BESTEST MOST GREATEST THING EVER: Leonard and Penny's kiss. Wow. Nerds are hot.

A Day in the Life - AM version

2008-10-16T14:16:00.001-06:00

I haven't done one of these in a long time. And I wasn't planning on it this morning. But sometimes, life throws you a curveball.

Warning - this version of my morning has been rated R for the usage of really, really bad words. However, since I am sending this from work, I will need to be creative to avoid the Spam censor. I'm sure that isn't the right name for it but it works.

7:15 AM Wake up because Kalli is currently waging war on my feet. Apparently my feet have crossed her in some way and she must avenge herself. This usually happens every morning, especially when she thinks I have slept long enough and need to get up and FEED her NOW! I used to be able to hide my feet under the covers and this would thwart her but she is now too smart for that and will go under the covers to continue her attack. Power to the Kitty!

7:16 AM Stumble my way to the kitchen. Pour myself another cup of ambition. And yawn and stretch and try to come to life.

7:16 AM Realize I am not Dolly Parton and don't particularly like coffee. Plus, we don't actually have any coffee. Go and take my shower.

7:17 AM Walk into the kitchen. Stumble because Kalli is under foot because, in case you were not aware of it, walking into the kitchen means that it is food time. She is disappointed because, just like every other morning, I am only putting the wet food into the dishes so Keem and I can leave without an exodus of kitties. I no longer put the dishes on the counter immediately adjacent to the living room because Eddy has figured out how to get on that counter and set a bad example for his little sister one morning by eating his food ahead of time.

7:18 AM Start coughing. What the Fudge is this? There is no coughing. I just got over my stupid cold (and was out sick on Monday because of one last bout with vomiting. Lucky me!) and I am not going to do this again. Cough some more. Realize that my throat is sore and my nose is stuffed up.

7:19 AM Curse a lot! Dagnabit! Son of a Biscuit! Fudge, fudge, fudge!

7:20 AM Realize I need to take the Chinese Coptis. Dread this greatly. Check the expiration date on the juice I bought the last time we went to the store. It is expired. DAGNABIT! Dang that Keem for not letting me buy the Simply Orange with Pineapple Juice that I wanted desperately last night. Mock her as I check the refrigerator for anything that couldn't be substituted as juice. "You don't need juice, Dana. You can get juice when we get paid."

7:25 AM Stare at the Coptis with fear and loathing. There is nothing juice like in the fridge. I'm going to have to take it with water. It is quite possibly the most disgusting substance in the entire world and tastes like burning. I add the half dropper-full to the water and slam it down.

7:26 AM Tell Kalli if she doesn't move, I am going to throw up on her. Rush to the sink and fill glass with more water. Drink quickly. Tell myself repeatedly that I am not going to throw up. Do not throw up. Life is good.

7:27 AM Go and wait in the living room for Keem to get ready. Check the news about the debate last night (which I watched part of until Kari, Keem and I all got really annoyed with Senator McCain and decided we had enough. Then we watched Project Runway. Yay, Kenly didn't win (love her clothes but hate, hate, hate her attitude. No one should ever talk like that to Tim Gunn (he's so sweet. I love him)). Sad that Korto didn't win because her clothes were beautiful and colorful and if she ever made anything in a plus size, I would snap it up in a heart beat. LeeAnne won and her clothes were very beautiful and 60% of them were made with sustainable products which is very exciting).

7:47 AM Maybe. I might have lost track. Kim is ready. I lean down to pick up my book (Certain Girls by Jennifer Wiener. I love her as well) and start coughing again. Keem says, in an annoying sing song voice "Someone's getting sick." I explain about having to take the stupid Coptis with water. Keem laughs and says "Oh. I guess I should have let you have juice last night, huh?" My answer is a resounding YES!

The rest of the day has been spent alternately coughing and cursing, blowing my nose repeatedly and deciding that regretfully, I will not be able to go to karaoke tonight. I must rest and conserve my strength for this weekend because I am going to Beth's and we are going to scrapbook and I will destroy any FUDGING cold that dares to stand in my way!

The End. I apologize for my very bad language. I must add that I actually do use the word dagnabit in real life. It is fun to say.

Insanity, thy name is Keem

2008-10-15T14:14:00.001-06:00

I am in the break room with Keem this morning. She is filling her water container with ice (we have ice in our break room! It's awesome! Crushed ice even!). I hear her softly singing.

DM: What did you say?
Keem (sing song): Ice is good. Ice is great. Unfortunately you can't take it out on a date.

In a normal tone she continues.

Keem: Because it would melt.
DM: What are you doing?
Keem: Channeling you, apparently.

My world is askew when I'm the normal one.

Oh, Ralph Macchio, where are you now? (see bottom of post for answer)

2008-10-14T16:04:00.001-06:00

Josh's birthday party was this weekend. My nephew is now 5. Five. How does this happen? Yes, yes, I know that time stops for no man (unless, of course, you're Hiro) and children do grow up (unless they are Peter Pan and then want to really tick off Beth (she preferred the movie Hook)).

Josh has grown up into a small child with an addiction to a thing that I can not accept. Namely Star Wars. Blech. I do not understand this obsession for Star Wars* but I know where it came from. His father. That rat bastard sat my impressionable nephew down in front of a television and said "Hey, watch this." And the child did. And it was bad! Does Josh know how great Captain Kirk is? No. Does he understand my obsession with Data and my wish to have my very own android boyfriend? No (but then no one really does). And yet, my sister objected to me introducing Josh to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Apparently Buffy's too violent for my gentle nephew (no problems with him playing with a light saber but let him even look at a piece of wood sharpened ever so slightly? Sheesh (I asked Kari about this and apparently Josh has only seen two of the movies and some of the cartoons. None of the violent ones. So my chances of introducing Josh to Buffy have been thwarted once again)).

*He did get a Star Wars Lego shirt that I thought was pretty cool (old school Star Wars with the beauteous Harrison Ford as Han Solo (Indiana Jones in space)). His other obsession would be for Legos which I can get behind because there are Indiana Jones Legos and Batman Legos but no Star Trek Legos (which, by the way, is Eric's counter for my logically thought out argument that Star Wars is awful and Josh should be watching Star Trek. Eric says (in the snottiest tone ever) "Are there Star Trek Legos? No? Sorry, you lose."**

*Okay, he may not actually have said that but the tone was awfully snotty. Eric is the little brother I never wanted.***

***But I do adore him. He is my favorite brother-in-law (mainly because I don't really know my half-sisters' husbands very well but I am pretty sure that Luther (Nancy's husband) would support my love of Star Trek (I actually don't have any clue but maybe I will check on that and then switch brother-in-law allegiance)) even though he is MEAN to me.

I had a point. I'm not sure what it was. Um, Josh, birthday party, Star Wars…oh, yeah. Okay. Anyway, the party took place at USA Karate. Josh is into karate now. I am cool with that (Might be good to know some defense when attacked by those vampires. You know, since he hasn't been able to watch Buffy!) and have always enjoyed martial arts movies (Big Trouble in Little China! And Blade comes to mind. Martial arts, vampires. How could you possible go wrong? (According to Kari, no way in hell am I allowed to introduce Josh to Blade)). His instructor, Mr. Ranch, is about 25, dedicated, good with children and quite attractive. Reminds me somewhat of Ralph Macchio in his prime (Mmm, Italiany goodness. Favorite Ralph Macchio movie? My Cousin Vinny of course. He's just so pretty when he's cruising along the road with his friend. And the Karate Kid movies are pretty good as well). There was another man there, Mr. Sullivan, who was also good with the children but his relative attractiveness increased the more he started working with the pole (I do not know how to phrase this in a way that doesn't sound dirty). And then decreased when he sided with Eric about Star Wars. Mr. Ranch's attractiveness increased far more when my response was "Well, does Star Wars have Data? R2D2 is just a giant salt shaker" and he agreed with me.

On our way back to the homestead, Kari and I were discussing how the party was enjoyable (with just a brief moment of fear when I was in charge of documenting who the gifts were from and the children descended upon Josh with the cries of "Open my present first, Josh" and gnashing of their teeth when he opened another present instead of theirs and then they would all descend upon him again and there was the flying of the wrapping paper and made me remark to the pregnant woman next to me that children were creepy (I will state in her favor that she did laugh)) and how Josh got some great presents (including Batman Legos from yours truly. Because they are AWESOME) and how it was fun watching Mr. Ranch and Mr. Sullivan interact with the kids and was I too old to start karate because I was kind of jealous of Josh. And then I mentioned Mr. Sullivan working with the pole (what is that thing called? Surely it can't be the pole?) and how I enjoyed that, she agreed. And then I signed and perhaps said a little too loudly "Karate is hot."

Josh: What?!!? (in that incredulous, what did you say, tone that young children get)
DM: Karate is fun to watch. Yes, that's it.
Kari (laughing at my furious back pedal because sometimes I forget Josh is getting older and is starting to understand things. You should have seen the dirty look I got when I said "Hey, Mom, how old was I when I stopped believing in Santa Claus?" Luckily he was only 2 and didn't catch it. Otherwise I would be dead now): Hahaha!

Kari came over Saturday night and we watched Bulletproof Monk because we were both in the mood for an action movie and the selection for On Demand was a little slim. Plus Kari didn't think she had seen it before. I prefer the alternate version on the DVD which has Mr. Funktastic and his crew helping Kar and Jade but it's still a good movie. Kari spent the night because she was too tired to drive home. I am quite fond of my sister (such a change from when we were growing up. I have mentioned her nickname was Brat before, right?) and like the "Girl's Nights" that we spend (typically she comes over to watch America's Next Top Model and Project Runway and Kim cooks. Since tomorrow's the finale of Project Runway, we may need to start watching Stylista which seems to be a reality show version of The Devil Wears Prada. Scary but filled with Drama (which is fun if it's not your life). We will not be watching Paris Hilton search for her new BFF, that's for damn sure. I can only handle so much Drama.

Ralph Macchio, by the way, is 47, still pretty cute and has a movie in post production. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead. Which is, apparently, about vampires. So we come full circle.

Fear me, Tech People. I have a computer and I don't know how to use it.

2008-10-07T15:11:00.001-06:00

This is actually from a few weeks ago (maybe a month?). Hmm. When did the new bridge open? Okay. It's from September 18th.

I've mentioned before that there are two main aspects to my job. The first aspect is monitoring phone calls for representatives and scoring the calls. This is huge for me because I absolutely adore customer service. I think customer service is the most important thing that we can offer stock owners and dagnabit - people better be providing it.

The other aspect is that I update our Electronic Resource (it's a library housed on our intranet site. We call it Libby) - where the reps go to find information about companies that we work with or how to assist a stock holder that wants to sell their shares, etc. This is also important because the reps really can't provide excellent customer service if they don't have the information they need.

So my day is divided up between these two tasks with distractions as I answer questions from just about everyone about how to score calls and where can I find this information in Libby and what should I do about this call that I'm on right now and everything else. It can get a little hectic.

Now I, for some reason, thrive on stress. I don't like to be bored, I like to have something to do at all times or I can find myself getting distracted and sneaking off to bloglines to find out what my favorite bloggers are writing about (that would be you, gentle reader) or reading the latest news (which is not like me at all because I typically avoid the news like the plague but the new home page that we use at NABABNA has MSN headlines every day so I'll find myself going "Oh, the new bridge opened today?" or "Good Lord, what was McCain thinking?" and then I have to read the article and will find myself reading other articles). So hectic is a good thing - it keeps me going and I'm not bored so I am less likely to fall asleep at my desk.

However, this Tuesday I had a little more stress than I wanted.

Here's some background. Back when I worked for NABABNA's main call center, I was updating something in one of the shared drives. I don't really know how a shared drive works but I have a vague idea that it is something that I can view on my computer and other people can view it on their computer. And then I see something that I don't need in my folder (statistics from 2000 or something like that) and I delete it. It doesn't dawn on me that this could cause a problem for everyone else until the following day when Main Tech Guy (we'll call him Bob Partridge) shows up at my desk.

I don't know Bob Partridge very well. I've seen him around a few times and I have no idea what to do about the fact that he is glowering at me. The following is a loosely based transcript of our conversation (because I don't really remember that far back).

BP: You.
DM: Me?
BP: Did you delete Excel Program Blahdeblah?
DM: Um. Maybe.
BP: Do you know what happens when you delete something from a shared drive?
DM: Um. It's not on my computer anymore?
BP: It's not on anyone's computer anymore. And then I have to fix it. Don't do it again.
DM (meekly): Okay.

I don't know how much time went by, maybe a couple of months, maybe a year but one day Bob shows up at my desk again.

BP: You did it again. ARGH! You are so stupid! You should never touch a computer again, you spawn of Satan! (No, he did not actually say this part but I am pretty sure he was thinking it)

DM: What?
BP: You deleted something from the shared drive.
DM: I did?
BP: Yes!

And then he goes into a long description about why I should never do this and how this caused a ton of work for him and he would break all of my fingers if I ever did it again (okay, he didn't say that either but if looks could kill, I would not be typing this right now).

I don't deal well with lectures. I might have a small problem with authority. Just a small one. So I am not going to put up with this anymore.

DM (snippily): Bob, I understand this. You don't have to keep explaining it to me.
BP: I don't think you do. Because if you did understand it, you would stop doing it!

Needless to say, that shut me up. I listened to the lecture quietly, knowing that my boss was sitting right there. Laughing his fool head off. Bob went on his way and our paths rarely crossed again. Although he always seemed confused when I would greet him with "Hi. Please don't yell at me."

So Tuesday. I'm working on Libby. I have to add some information about a new company. Somehow and I am not quite sure how this happened because I'm not supposed to have delete capability in Front Page (Windows Application that lets you work on websites. That's about as much as I know about it), I manage to delete an entire folder of updates. This is the R folder. I was working in the F folder to add the new company, Fairly Small Company. How I managed to delete the R folder when working in the F folder, I don't know. The only thing that I can think that might have happened is I was going to change the name of my document and instead of using rename, I used delete. You know, because these commands are so similar.

We have a lot of companies that are housed in R. A lot. Tons. Many large companies. So you can imagine how I felt when I went to update some information about Really Large Company and saw that I had a Q folder and an S folder but no R folder. There was a lot of cursing involved.

Fortunately I was able to call Jess (one of the Tech People).

Jess: Hi, this is Jess. How can I help you?
DM: Help. Oh, help. I accidently deleted one of the folders in Front Page. I don't know how. Please, please, please tell me you can restore it. Please.

Jess: Well, I can't but I can have someone take care of it. It should be fine.
DM: I love you!
Jess: Um. Okay.

And then, of course, I had to send an email out to my entire phone center and explain that they wouldn't be able to access R because of a glitch (right, like I'm going to tell everyone that I deleted it). I think it was figured it out anyway because after I send out the email telling them that it was fixed, I got several responses:

From Co-Worker Beau: Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
From Co-Worker Annette: Yeah… my truck was called T-OY while R was missing….
(Apparently her truck is named Troy after some guy from Montgomery Gentry. I believe that is the name of a band but don't quote me on it).

From Co-Worker Christine: Thank you for returning my R…R was so very missed.
(Accompanied by a picture of Ernie from Sesame Street pulling a rabbit out of a hat)

From Co-Worker Jessica after I said Dagnabit about something that was thwarting me: Did you delete R again?

As I told Beth, I will never live this down. And her response was "You'll never live it down unless you stop doing it!"

Good news!

2008-10-06T13:41:00.001-06:00

Other than the fact that I've almost done a nose dive onto my keyboard because I cannot stay awake no matter what I do, today is a good day.

Today Keem and I got the results of our 2nd exam from the chiropractor - to find out how we are doing after seeing him for almost an entire month. It was amazing. I knew I was feeling better but to actually see the difference.

Apparently when I first started going, I had the "Points" (something to do with range of movement or something. A high point score is bad) of someone who had just been in a car accident. It was at 350 or something like that. A month later there is 47% change for the better. I can almost touch my head to my left should (my left side is very weak. If I didn't know better, I would have sworn I had a stroke (not storke which is what I typed)), my left arm is almost virtually pain free (used to feel like someone took my ligaments and twisted them up) and I wake up in the morning feeling almost energized. Now my points are at 170.

Not that I'm completive but am I annoyed that Keem's points were at 160 to begin with? Uh, yes. But this explains why I was always in pain when we went anywhere. And she thought I was a whiner! Hah! Am I also annoyed that Keem weighs 20 pounds less than me? Yes. Am I going to do something about that? I'm going to damn well try.

Today, in an effort to avoid the candy dish Keem has on her desk, I have taken to instead walking out the door on the East and walking through the parking lot to the West side. Then I'll go to the bathroom or whatever and walk back outside again. I've done this 3 times, it isn't causing horrific pain and I feel somewhat better. Things are good.

Oh, and the rat bastard cold I've had for the last week or so is finally starting to go away. About time.

We have to have a consultation about exercise one of these days. I'm really, really excited about that (no, I'm not)! I just love to exercise (no, I don't. I hate it)! I'm going to be happy and perky about this until it kills me (it probably will)!

Now I have to go to the break room and get some water. Since that's on Keem's side of the building, it calls for more walking. Am I actually looking forward to this? A little. Does that mean I'm insane?

So much for posting every day

2008-10-05T21:31:00.002-06:00

But hey, when you're a high-flying social butterly living this whirlwind life, it's hard to find the time to post.

Yeah. The highlight of my weekend was doing 6 loads of laundry. The only reason it's a highlight is because I managed to get part of the way through the pile of clothes stacked high in the corner. I found shirts I didn't remember having. It was very exciting.

Now I am off to bed, hoping not to have horrible dreams now that Sookie's grandmother was murdered in such a horrible way (True Blood reference for those that don't follow the show (or ever read the books (which you should, because they are awesome))) and, since the show's on HBO, they don't have that much problem with showing a lot of blood. There may be a nightmare or two.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend and you weren't stalked by the papperazzi. I'm pretty sure I saw one lurking in the laundry room.

Birds are our friends

2008-10-03T09:49:00.004-06:00

Let's travel back further in time and remember a day spent in a sunny, foreign country. A day where Beth and I didn't get lost (miracle), where we drank fake Coke (not all Cola products are the same!) and really delicious juice and I had a bird eat out of my hand. While all of my memories of Portugal are good (even getting lost because we got a great story out of it), this is one of my favorites.

I'm actually cheating - Beth took this picture but she used my camera. But still, it was a great day.

Kim and I were talking the other day about where we would live if we finally gave up on America (probably right after watching yet another horrible political ad) and I said Portugal. If I had the money, I would be there right now.

I don't know that I would ever actually leave America for good but with everything that is going on now - with the market dropping and the elections seeming to be more about popularity and less about the issues, I am both looking forward and dreading Election Tuesday. Looking forward because I can cast my vote with pride and be thankful that I live in a country where I can vote and dreading because I'm worried about another 4 years under Republican leadership (and I use that word loosely).

Saw a brilliant bumper sticker this morning - If you vote for McCain, you are insane. Awesome.

Still sick

2008-10-02T12:33:00.002-06:00

I am really, really sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Blowing my nose has become an exercise in grossness because the force is so strong, I have managed to get mucus all over myself at least once a day this week. That's fantastic. Makes me feel really special.

My co-workers think I am nuts because I am draping a Puffs tissue with Vicks over my nose and (well, as much as I can) inhaling deeply. I'm used to them thinking I'm nuts. And I really love the smell.

A few minutes ago, a bull elephant mistook me for his mate. Or it could have been a gander. I'm so sick, I can't tell the difference.

I was supposed to go to a volunteer event tonight to "Feed My Children." We would have been putting together boxes of food to ship overseas to starving children. I will not be doing that because I really don't want to send my putrid, disease causing germs to them as well. Or infect anyone else.

I was looking forward to karaoke again tonight but will instead be doing the same thing I've done every night this week, curled up in bed, trying to breathe and cursing the rat bastard that got me sick.

Okay, enough whining. Here's a picture of absolute cuteness to make me feel better.

Kalli needs to be by Eddy. All the time. And this is not as cute as you would think. Typically she is trying to eat him. Poor Eddy. Hopefully she'll calm down soon.

And now for random pictures from the past!

2008-10-01T09:35:00.003-06:00

I want to start posting more. But lately, I seem to be at a loss for words and after reading some past posts of mine (does anyone remember alien Jesus?), I have decided that I'm not as funny as I used to be. Or I just don't have a life anymore (damn you, Chalet for cancelling Karaoke Sundays! Damn you!). Something. Anyway, to sort of kick start my way towards NoBloPoMo (or whatever the heck it was), I thought I would vist the Flickr photostream of my past, pick some pictures I haven't posted before and remark on them. Maybe I will find the funny again.

Today I bring you candy bars from Canada. These were purchased at the tiny truck stop/convenience store where Beth and I stopped for breakfast (mainly because we had driven for miles and it was the only place we found. And, I'd like to add, one of the best fried egg sandwiches I've ever had was served there). These pictures were taken on May 17th, 2006. And no, I have not yet scrapbooked them. Why? Because I'm still working on Portugal from 2005. I'm a slow scrapbooker. I admit it.

These are pre-Zoe pictures. I kind of miss this camera because it had a heck of a zoom but everything else sucked. It was too big, too bulky and did not work well with my shaky, shaky hands.

Our first picture is a marvel with its subtle subliminal hints.

Why yes, I will Eat-More, candy bar! Thanks for suggesting it!

And then we have a Kit Kat. Why, we have these at home! Canada and Minnesota aren't too different. Viva la Kit Kat.

Oh, wait. This is an exotic Kit Kat. There's a new addition to it. Let's check it out. Mmm. Peanut Butter. How different!

Except doesn't arachnid mean spider? I'm eating butter made out of spiders? I'm seriously disturbed now.

And now for the piece de resistance - the Mirage bar!*

*Aren't you impressed with my French? So fitting when posting about Canada.

Featuring Bubbly milk chocolate!

If I remember correctly, the candy bars travelled back to Beth's apartment and sat there for about a year. And then when Beth found them, I tried to eat one (can't remember which one it was) and was seriously disgusted. Probably because the candy was stale. Not because I found any spiders.

There. A small snapshot (pun intended) of a great day where Beth and I proved once again that the smallest possible things are worth laughing over. The post from this day is located on Beth's blog, where there are more pictures and tales of nuttiness. Including pictures of me hugging a tree.

Oh Monday. Why do you hate me so?

2008-09-29T15:46:00.001-06:00

Remember last week? When I was pretty sure I was going to die? Yeah. Now I am almost twice as sure.

Thursday, for no apparent reason, my nose started to itch. Did this mean I was going to come into money? No. It meant germs were descending upon me. I don't know who to blame for this. I am sure there are many sick people around the office but no one has recently coughed or sneezed in my direction.

By Friday morning, I had the runny noise and drainage. Always a bundle of laughs. My chiropractor did some acupressure on my sinus trigger points and it was interesting to see how swollen my lymph nodes were under my jaw. He also recommended some absolutely vile thing called Chinese Coptis which helps you fight infection. Quite possibly the most disgusting thing I have ever had in my life. But it helped. The rest of the day was spent with me trying to breathe because my lungs would fill up with the crap. I'd do the pressure points and then go and throw up a ton of phlegm BUT I'd be able to breathe again. I did impress my boss with my dedication to work when she overheard me in the bathroom. After she expressed concern, I reassured her that this was surprisingly a good thing because I like to breathe. I come down very strongly on the side of breathing.

Saturday Keem and I went gallivanting because it was her birthday. We went to the casino where Keem won $300. I, unfortunately, was not as lucky as her but at least I broke even. Then we went to play Bingo where I won $10 and Keem won $99. We did not win the jackpot of $1,000 but were philosophical about it because (direct quote) "at least those annoying people didn't win." The annoying people were a group of women sitting behind Keem who decided to talk about their turn-ons and also a man, his girlfriend and an older woman who sat there complaining about the fact that they weren't winning. Loudly. With lots of swear words. Which, hey, normally I will swear with the best of them, but threatening the bingo caller with your dauber is not very nice. And it's a game! Not everyone wins! That's why it's called gambling!

Sunday was spent lying about the apartment, whining to Keem about how I was dying (cold has descended into my lungs, I try to avoid coughing because it hurts my ribs so I end up trying to do something similar to Lamaze to stop the coughing. It actually sounds like "Whoo-hooo-hoo" and then Keem hears it and yells at me because I have to get the crap out of my lungs). This annoys her but she must have felt somewhat sorry for me because she dyed my hair (the box says it is pomegranate but I'm not so sure - it looks closer to black) and also turned on the subtitles when we watched The Bank Job (my hearing sucks and accents make it worse. So while Jason Statham is very pretty, I'd actually like to know why he's being chased around by lots of people). Subtitles are never allowed the first time we've watched a movie so I know that pity was involved (or she couldn't hear them either).

Today my morning pretty much sucked (cough, hack, spit, repeat ad nauseum) but then I went to the chiropractor. After doing the whole pressure points thing again and cracking something called "the atlas", I went to work feeling much taller and, after about an hour, able to breathe again. It's now about 4:30 and when I first started this post, it was about 9:30 and I did think I would never feel better again. Plus, the best part of all of this? I only took cold medicine on Friday and nothing since then. Usually I swallow cold medicine like it's going out of style and spend the time floating around in a daze. Maybe the plague is over? Maybe Monday doesn't hate me after all? I could almost believe that if it wasn't for all of the monitorings I have to finish by tomorrow.

How are you all doing? Were you as sad as I was to hear about Paul Newman passing away?

And now for news of a happier (and mysterious) nature

2008-09-25T15:26:00.001-06:00

In which she gushes on and on about the kitten, proving that she really needs a life.

Kalli has seemed to adjust well to living with us. Her little face lights up whenever Eddy comes into a room and it is cute to see how she stops whatever she is doing and lunges at him. Eddy has even started treating her less like a nuisance and more like a little sister. He is initiating play and was caught licking her head the other night (although he stalked off the minute he realized we saw it).

One of the cutest things I have seen so far is Eddy sitting on top of the office chair, dangling his tail in Kalli's face and twitching it so she keeps leaping at it. She is quite the leaper. Last night, she saw Keem's bag handle was hanging down and she leapt at it until she was able to pull the bag down. She is easily amused and is constantly running around, leaping and somersaulting and causing tons of trouble.

Even though she is technically Keem's kitten (just like Eddy is technically my cat), she has taken to sleeping with me. Which, you know, is awesome. Cuddly kitten who likes to purr in my ear. Except that's not all she's doing. Apparently I am her mother figure and she curls herself up into my arm, licking and kneading at it. And sometimes biting. I have tiny little scabs all over my right arm from where her tiny little claws are piercing my skin. Somewhat painful. I've tried to convince her that this really isn't necessary and then she cries so piteously that I give up.

Someone asked me about her name today and I said it really depended - There was Kalli, of course. And Kalypso Jean when she is being annoying. And Little Miss Trouble. Calamity Jean when she is whining. Kalli Monster when she is attacking. And then some of the others - such as "Shut up for the love of God!" and "Not the toes!" and "Stop it!" and "Kittens do not go into the stove!"

She's almost doubled in size. I'll have to post more pictures. It's just amazing how she went from this tiny little grey and white ball of fur and now she is grey and tan and white with black stripes. Every day there's something different.

In which she talks about the mystery

The other day I came walking up to my desk and couldn't figure out who was sitting in my chair. There was a person. But then I realized that the person was green and kind of fuzzy. Someone left me the gift of a giant frog. I do not know who. Keem knows. Jess knows. Christy knows. Half of the center must know. But I do not. I sent this email out to the center and not a single person has stepped forward and said "It was me!" Dang them all.

From: DM
Sent:   Thursday, September 18, 2008 9:06 AM
To:     Everyone in my center
Subject:        To the anonymous frog gifter

Hi, everybody!

I came in this morning to find a giant frog sitting at my desk, in my chair. After a brief moment where I thought I had been fired and replaced, I realized that this was a gift from someone. But who? Kim Schams knows but won't tell me. So, because I don't know who to thank, I'm sending this to everyone.

Thank you, anonymous kind person. The frog (who is now known as Laird) is sitting at the desk next to mine for now.

Laird (I've thought it was a cool name ever since I once spoke to a guy named Laird that was actually the last Laird of his clan) has his own desk, someone made him a name plate and every day I come in to see another change. He's got a coffee mug and a seat cushion (both for the Packers though. I thought it was pretty obvious that Laird is Scottish and wouldn't be a football supporter. But no one has dropped off a new golf set for him). He's been set up with his feet up on the desk. Or he's writing something. Someone posed him so he looked like he was talking on the phone.

He's been elected as our mascot. And shall be the leader of my army when Co-Worker Vicki follows through with her threat to become Supreme Commander of the Universe. I offered her all of the administrative jobs of running the Universe while everyone worshipped me but she wasn't going for that. Apparently she's planning on setting up her own army that will consist of clowns throwing worms at me (this is the problem with trusting the people. They learn your fears and exploit them). But don't worry, my loyal subjects, I won't let her win.

I'm not sure how I started talking about the kitten and ended up with my imaginary frog/clown war with my newest arch-nemesis. I guess that's just how I roll.

Bullet Point Monday

2008-09-22T09:24:00.000-06:00

How I hate Mondays. Let me count the ways.

My lower back is tied up in knots and I come very close to screaming if it is touched. Let me just suggest that you don't do this if your chiropractor is trying to adjust you. It can frighten him.
I had a crappy work week and my weekend, which I thought was going to be fun and exciting, ended up trying to kill me.
I first figured there was a problem on Saturday when I was having the worst time trying to catch my breath after finishing mowing Beth's yard.
Then my heart started racing and I thought for a moment it would break from my chest, like a bat out of hell (if you can catch the two songs I am referencing here, I will be very impressed).
The world's worst headache ever decided we should wrestle with each other.
Took a nap and 4 ibuprofen tablets and nothing touched it.
When I was standing at the top step of her basement stairs, got incredibly dizzy and almost fell backwards, that was a pretty good indication that something was wrong.
Throwing up kind of drove the message home.
My cell phone was dead and I couldn't call anyone but fortunately Keem was online. I told her the problem and she said I should come home. Since Beth was at work, Keem offered to come get me.
After almost throwing up twice more on the way home, I was ordered to bed by Keem.
Kalli expressed her joy to see me by trying to chew off my toes and fingers. Although the gnawing did help on one of the mosquito bites.
Sunday was spent drinking a lot of water and staying in bed. My lower back hates my bed. Very, very much so. Which is why it hurts so much today.
Both Keem and the chiropractor think I was probably dehydrated.
The headache is finally gone, lost the rematch when my neck was adjusted.
Today I do not feel like throwing up. Which is a good thing. I just hurt. Not as badly as I did yesterday but still, would rather be home in bed.
I am to warm up in the morning and cool down in the evening (heating pad on lower back in morning, ice pack at night).
Incredibly busy today with a ton of stuff in our virtual library Inbox. I'll be updating most of the morning. Then I get to listen to some calls that went horribly, horribly awry and had to be "pulled" for training purposes. If I'm lucky, I'll get to spend some time catching up on my monitorings.
Must get back to work. Hope you all had a good weekend and a much better Monday morning then I am.

Yet another reason why I should get my hearing checked

2008-09-20T03:02:00.003-06:00

I am sitting over at Beth's house right now. We are both on our respective laptops (she is loading pictures from her recent trip to Chicago, I am checking Bloglines to see who has updated lately).

The television is on but we're not really paying that much attention to it.

Some lady is blabbing in the background about the wine country or something. She says something that strikes me as odd. I turn to Beth.

"Did she just say they planted hand grenades in their yard for landscaping?"

Beth starts laughing.

Apparently they planted grapes. Possibly Concord grapes. Not hand grenades.

We also are kind of flipping through the channels and have landed on something called "Sex Talk." Four women are being interviewed about something called ExtenZe. It's a male enhancement that will apparently increase a man from smaller to "double barrelled."

If you get the free trial, they'll send you two cans of the ExtenZe drink.

Beth - It's penis in a can! What do you think would happen if you mix that with Red Bull?

Then this complete bimbo is interviewing random couples on the street and amazingly enough, all the men use ExtenZe. And wow! It's so great!

Apparently this is a cleverly disguised infomercial. And when I say cleverly, I mean completely disturbing.

This is a weird, weird world we live in.

Saved by the Paper Napkin

2008-09-11T17:16:00.004-06:00

Sheryl from Paper Napkin is awesome because she posted a meme and that made me be able to breathe a sigh of relief that I will be able to post something besides an essay of what my cats have been doing this week. Seriously. I was sitting there thinking "Don't I have anything else to say besides 'Kalli is cute and Eddy is adorable'?" Apparently not. Well, there is the fact that I am seriously starting to think about investing in a suit of armor. Kalli's teeth and claws are very sharp and she likes to use them. We also changed her middle name to Jean so now she is named after Jean Grey from the X-Men. She also has a new nickname - Calamity Jean.

Anyway, here is the meme.

Things I love:

Song you love: I love a ton of music but my absolutely favorite one ever (this week) is "Pieces on the Ground" by The Nadas. Awesome.

Word you love: Besides Awesome? Thwart. I love the way it sounds.

Academic subject you love: Greek Mythology

Hobby you love: Scrapbooking, Blogging

Type of baked good you love: The one thing I can never resist - 7 Layer Bars

Type of sky you love: Blue with big puffy clouds

Beverage you love: Mountain Dew. I am weak.

Vacation you love: I am quite fond of the road trip.

Restaurant you love: Manny's. Mmm. Steak.

Way of getting around that you love: I think I would really enjoy using a Segway. Other than that, it would be in a car with a friend with the tunes blasting and the windows open.

Person you love: Kari

Room in your home (or ideal home) you love: The living room. My shiny computer is there.

Movie you love: The Imposters is my favorite movie of all time.

Book you love: Please. Like I can settle for just one. Anything by Nora Roberts. I read a brilliant one this summer called The Bright Side of Disaster by Katherine Center. Kane and Abel & The Prodigal Daughter by Jeffrey Archer.

City you love: Lisbon

Future plan you love: Moving to Lisbon

Form of communication you love: Email. I'm not fond of talking on the phone.

Junk food you love: Cheez-its. Even better - Cheez-its and Cream Cheese covered with Jalapeno Jelly. Yum.

To do this yourself, just copy and paste into your own blog!

Song you love:
Word you love:
Academic subject you love:
Hobby you love:
Type of baked good you love:
Type of sky you love:
Beverage you love:
Vacation you love:
Restaurant you love:
Way of getting around that you love:
Person you love:
Room in your home (or ideal home) you love:
Movie you love:
Book you love:
City you love:
Future plan you love:
Form of communication you love:
Junk food you love:

Motherhood kind of sucks

2008-09-08T01:26:00.005-06:00

It's 2:30 in the morning and I am exhausted. Why? Because the newest addition to our household thinks I'm her mother. And needs me to show her where everything is. Hungry? Let's mew in Dana's ear. Have to go to the bathroom? Another mew. Don't want to sleep right now? Well, that's an exceptionally loud mew.

Right now she is running around like a furry top on speed.

Eddy seems to be coming around. At first there was a lot of hissing and the paw of justice came out a lot. But now he seems to be getting used to her. Last night he even laid in front of her and was "flippy kitty" (rolling back and forth on his back). What's a lot of fun is watching this little tiny ball of gray and white (and some tan) fur chase this gigantic cat down the hallway.

Anyway, we took her to the vet on Friday and, in case you did not guess, it's a girl. Pink bubble gum cigars to all of you (if I had pink bubble gum cigars, of course).

After a lot of decisions (she was Isis for about two hours), we decided on Kalypso (Melissa, it was funny to see you mentioned that as a possibility). Kalypso Jane Gray to be exact. Kalli for short. Or Little Miss Trouble. Or 3wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Get off the keyboard, cat! Or Shut up! Or Not the toes! Leave the toes alone!

But she is adorable. Take a look.

On the way to Kari's after first picking her up (she discovered the camera cord).

Causing a ton of trouble when she knocked every single remote down.

Right before she decided the newest place to hang out was the computer.

You should see her attacking the cursor. That is hilarious.

And she is exhausted after running around causing trouble.

It's 2:50. Hopefully she's ready to sleep now. Doubt it but worth a shot.

Name that Kitten!

2008-09-04T07:44:00.001-06:00

Meet Keem's new kitten. We don't know if the kitten is male or female (Quoting Kari - "They think he is a male but they're not 100% sure). We do know that someone abandoned the kitten outside of my sister's boss's house. Kari called me today and asked me if I wanted him. Keem has always wanted a kitten (Eddy is kittenlike but also set in his ways) - especially a fluffy kitten so I called her. After much persuasion on my part (well, not much. Actually more "Keem. Fluffy gray kitten." And she said "I know. Shut up!"

We have to come up with a $300 pet deposit and take him/her to the vet on Friday to make sure there are no nasty diseases to be passed on to Eddy. Kari, Josh and I are going to pick him up tonight and Kari will probably keep him/her for a few days in her breezeway.

But he/she is fluffy. And gray. And quite adorable looking. And also nameless. We are thinking something Greek. Possibly after a Greek God or Goddess. I am kind of leaning towards Ares but that might be because the guy who played Ares on Xena the Warrior Princess was hot. Would it be wrong to name a cat after the God of War? I've been compiling a list of male/female names so we're prepared.

Beth put in a vote for Kurka. It means Chicken in Ukrainian.

Eddy was named after Edmund Gray on All My Children since he was my favorite soap character. I added Fitzgerald as a middle name because The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald is one of my favorite songs. So that's how I came up with Edmund Fitzgerald Orange. New kitten (or TBD as I've taken to thinking of him/her) has to have something good. We are not naming him/her FLUFFY KITTY! (Keem's suggestion when she saw his/her picture)

What do you think?

Hello from my new laptop. Except, not really

2008-08-21T12:59:00.000-06:00

So I started a post last night from my new laptop which is beautiful and shiny (a little too shiny if you ask me because suddenly I have discovered how greasy my fingers are and now I am petrified that I'll shake hands with someone and they'll be completely disgusted and then I'll never get promoted again (and no, I haven't applied for a new job, that was hypothetical)) and I was going to include pictures but then realized that I can't find the cord I need to attach my camera to the laptop. And my wireless mouse is thwarting me. It works and then it doesn't and then it works again. Instead, I am resorting to posting via email again.

But! The most exciting thing in the world - the keyboard actually works like a keyboard should! I type and the words actually form the way I typed them (instead of sticking on every third letter and making me look like an idiot like Keem's computer does)! It's very, very exciting! Did I say that already? Probably.

Anyway, I promise to post pictures soon. My hair is still adorably cute, thanks to the wondrous hair stylist at Fantastic Sam's. And also to the fact that I actually blow dry my hair now. This is a big deal because I am incredibly hair challenged and prefer to shower and get ready in 9.3 minutes. Blow drying my hair actually adds an additional 5 minutes to my schedule in the morning. It is a travesty. Also a travesty is the 400 zits I have on my chin now. I am 41, damn it. I should not be breaking out! Do you know how incongruous it looks to have gray roots and blemishes? Dagnabit!

As an added bonus, I found this on Teri’s site so I thought I would explain why I haven't posted pictures yet in further detail. Enjoy!

Holy Blog Of Doom, Batman! I just opened mine eyes, and lo! I have not updated this since long before Shakespeare wast a boy... You would not believe how terribly tardy the Victorian internet can be. I prostrate myself in sorrow and beg thy forgiveness..

I am lost in a sea of pseudo-olde-english with an awfully big adventure, being distracted by the shiny, just generally being an embarrassment to the secret service, my day is a magical flight from the light through yonder window breaks to sun down and beyond. I am avoiding recapture. it will be fun fun fun till they take my TBird away.

I declare solemnly I will update you with my nefarious activities as soon as I get a chance. Sincerest apologies. This is for my ever faithful, devoted public..

She found it here - it was very fun and rather like Mad Libs.

What's been going on

2008-08-13T12:35:00.002-06:00

A sign of the impending apocalypse

I was listening to the radio the other day and a song came on. This is actually not that surprising. Radios = music (well, in my world. Not in the world of those people who like the news or talk radio*

(*Not that there's anything wrong with that (unless you listen to Russ Limbaugh. I can't stand him (Or Howard Stern for that matter (Is he even still on the air?)). Beth's mom has MPR (Minnesota Public Radio) on the radio in her bathroom. The first time I walked in there and switched on the light, there was this deep voice and my response was "God?" And yes, I did figure out it was the radio.

Now if I have to go to the bathroom when I'm there, I'll say that I'm going to go talk to God. Or respond to conversation with "God was just telling me about that upstairs." It's fun.).

Anyway, back to the sign of the impending apocalypse. This song came on the radio and I was seriously enjoying it. For a moment, I thought Lyndyrd Skynyrd had released a new version of Sweet Home Alabama and I was thrilled (I love Lyndyrd Skynyrd. What's not to love? Southern Rock, um, (rocks for lack of a better word)).

And then I looked at the display on the radio. It read Kid Rock. All Summer Long. Not Lyndyrd Skynyrd. Not Sweet Home Alabama. Oh my God, no!

DM: How can I possibly like a Kid Rock song? This is wrong! WRONG!
Keem: It's pretty good though.
DM: But Kid Rock!

There are those of you that will remember how Beth and I are absolutely convinced that "Picture" is the worst song ever and those who sing it at karaoke should be shot (Actually, I'm not sure Beth ever mentioned shooting people. That might just be me). So the fact that I like a Kid Rock song makes me feel that I am betraying my own karaoke rules. And I'm not sure how I feel about that.

**************************************
Why I should not be allowed to own scissors

Yes. I cut my hair again. But in my defense, I was provoked beyond reason. My hair was being irritating and aggravating. The worst part of this is that Keem sent me an email today that I didn't figure out right away. And when I did figure it out, I was already half way through cutting off the pony tail (Former Boss Matt told me that's how his brother used to cut his hair. Back when he had hair). And I'm buying a laptop (Yayayayayayay! My sister is awesome!) and thought this would be a good way to save some money (my budget has now gone from Tight to "Oh my God, I can't spend any money for the next six months.").

When I went over to see Keem and ask her if I was correct about her indicating that we could go and get our hair cut, she said yes. And then I silently turned around and showed her the back of my head. And then all of my co-workers silently (and not so silently) dissolved into laughter.

Martha: Dana? Did you cut your hair again?
DM: Um, yeah.
Jessica and Christy: You need to stop doing that!
Carla: What did you do?
DM: I kinda cut my hair.
Carla: How do you kinda cut your hair? Is that the same as being kinda pregnant?
Andrea: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Keem: Turn around.
Carla and Andrea: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I will post the before and after pictures for you. Keem said she would take the pictures tonight.

And here is the email. My explanation regarding my suggestions are included. I have bolded the text so it makes sense.

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Wednesday, August 13, 2008 9:12 AM
To: DM
Subject: Since we aren't doing laundry tonight...

Do you wanna (Insert something you've wanted here) …?

Keem
_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Wednesday, August 13, 2008 9:14 AM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Since we aren't doing laundry tonight...Inserting things I've wanted

Go to Senor Wong's? (Best Chinese/Mexican food in the world and right in our building)
Go to the Library? (I’ve been trying to get her to take me here for years. No luck)
Go to the hardware store? (I have started making memo boards for people at work. I want to be able to add a magnetic section to it so I want metal (I also need tin snips because I have been trying to cut up mint tins. Regular scissors don't work very well). Jo-Ann’s doesn’t sell metal that I could use as a magnet board)

Have yummy, yummy potatoes and garlic bread? (I’m thinking this is pretty self-explanatory. But, if you were not aware, Keem is the best cook in the world. And we went to the Farmer's Market on Sunday where I bought Roasted Garlic baguettes)

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Wednesday, August 13, 2008 9:20 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Since we aren't doing laundry tonight...Inserting things I've wanted

No.
NO!
NO to the Nth degree.
Emphatically no.
Probably not.

Try again...

Keem

_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Wednesday, August 13, 2008 9:22 AM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Since we aren't doing laundry tonight...Inserting things I've wanted

Work late? (I’m running out of PTO and have Friday off (doctor's appointment). I have to make up time)
Sit across the street and take pictures? (Discussed this morning on our way to work. There is a park that overlooks the Mississippi River)

Get our new badges? (Pogo reference)

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Wednesday, August 13, 2008 10:10 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Since we aren't doing laundry tonight...Inserting things I've wanted

I am so sorry that you took your hair into your own hands. I can't believe you didn't get that that was what I was trying to say to you. :) (This is obviously after I showed her my hair.)

Keem

_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Wednesday, August 13, 2008 10:13 AM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Since we aren't doing laundry tonight...Inserting things I've wanted

You can't be cryptic with me! My brain doesn't respond to cryptic! (It really doesn't. I can sometimes pick up on it but it requires a lot of effort. And I prefer to use that effort for solving murder mysteries (not real ones, ones in books and on television))

No biggie. Will you take a picture of my hair before we go so I can blog about this?

DM
_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Wednesday, August 13, 2008 10:26 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Since we aren't doing laundry tonight...Inserting things I've wanted

Yeah. I think that you also need to do the emails too.

Keem

Work is hell. Unless you work with Christy

2008-08-05T17:24:00.000-06:00

Friday, Co-Worker Christy says to me, completely out of the blue "Dana, do you think the term doozie comes from Duesenburg?"

I right away know that she's talking about the car. I also know that if I don't find this out, it is going to drive me insane all freakin' day.

"I don't know," I reply. "But I'll find out."

"Good," she tells me. "And then you should blog about it."

I love many things but words and where we get them from is on top of the list. I guess the word that I want here is etymology, the study of the words and their history and what language they are derived from. I love knowing where a word came from. Is it derived from Latin? Is it slang? Where the heck did it come from (one of my favorite Mom gifts was a book about where words came from, including red herring (one of my favorite mystery plots and a phrase I first discovered in Ten Little Indians by Agatha Christie (I might have been 12 when I read it for the first time. Not sure)))? Words that are derived from Latin are bonus words for me. I like Latin. And no, I have no idea why. It's pretty?

So Christy's question was answered by a search on www.dictionary.com. And it is one less thing that puzzles me.

1 result for: doozie
http://m.reference.com/d/search.html?q=doozie
doo·zie /ˈduzi/ [doo-zee] noun, verb, -zied, -zi·ing. Informal.
–noun
1. Also, doo·zer /ˈduzər/ [doo-zer] . something that is extraordinary or outstanding of its kind: The storm was a doozie, with winds of fifty miles an hour.
—Verb phrase
2. doozie up, to make more attractive or appealing, as by adding features or ornaments, cleaning or repairing, or clothing brightly: You'll have to doozie up the house before you can sell it.

[Origin: 1925–30, Americanism; of uncert. orig.; sometimes associated with the Duesenburg, a luxury auto, though the var. dozy precedes the appearance of the car in 1920]

And also, Christy was very amused when she was asking me a question today and the reminder I set up for myself in Outlook popped up.

"Blog about this and Christy? What about me?"

I explained I set up a reminder so I wouldn't forget to post this. And she laughed. You have to love someone who loves words as much as you do, right?

In other news, the results of the tests came in and they are negative. Which tells me lots of things but not the most important. What the heck is wrong with me? Tune in next week when I go back to the doctor! Yay! On the other hand though, I am glad that the week long bout of something I've affectionately titled "Sciatic nerve, you can knock that off right now!" (and Christy kept asking me how my Sci-Attica was because we said it could be a prison film about a futuristic Attica) appears to now be over.

Hi. My name is Dana. And I am apparently falling apart at the seams. Fortunately Christy can sew.

Have a great day all. Oh, any of you remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books? Well, NPW does and she decided to create a Choose Your Own Blogventure. Absolutely brilliant, that one. Check it out

(and pun was not intended, even though she is a librarian (dream job. Until I discovered it involved less reading and more dealing with people)).

Winner of the "best brother-in-law ever" award

2008-07-30T08:01:00.001-06:00

Monday night, Keem and I were listening to our voice mail. Keem put the phone on speaker (always fun). There was one from my mother, asking me about the doctor's appointment (it was fine, they're running tests, I don't want to talk about what I had to do to get the tests run).

The 2nd one was amusing and also incredibly sweet.

I knew that he had called because I had been speaking to Kari earlier and he had asked if I got his message. I also knew what he had called about. But hearing the call was quite the experience.

Eric: Hi, Dana. I know it's late. I know it's 2 in the morning. Anyway, I went to a bar in Mahtomedi, not sure which one.*

*I am assuming there are more than the 3 bars that I remember when growing up. Oddly, I've never been in any of them (Well, unless you count the bowling alley. I only went to the bowling alley to bowl or play video games (and yes, buy drugs in the parking lot on occasion but that was many, many years ago and now I am a sweet and angelic person who would never ever do that again. Plus, is he ever lucky that I didn't hear the phone.

He goes on to tell me that he ran into some guy and they started talking. Turns out that this guy went to high school with me. He continues on with his story. There is the slurring of words.

Keem: Is he drunk?
DM: Well, considering he called at 2 AM, I'd think so.

Eric then says that this guy told him to "Tell Dana I always liked her. And I hope she understood that I wasn't making fun of her. It was the group."

High School was not fun for me. There was a lot of harassment, the incredibly clever fat jokes (and by incredibly clever I mean "Wow. I'm fat? You're kidding. I guess I never figured that out. How great it is that you called me a cow because that makes me to drop a whole bunch of weight right now!" Um, try make me eat like crazy, folks), etc. I hated getting up and going to school.

English made it worth while, I adored my English and Drama teacher Miss Lambert. I also made friends on the newspaper and yearbook. I was in a lot of plays and managed to skate under the Unpopular radar most of the time. But yeah, there was a lot of the mocking and the laughing and the "gosh, we're better than you'll ever be."

I remember the guy that Eric ran into vaguely. Not in a "Oh my God, I hate that person" way that I reserve for some of the people I knew. I'd really have to look him up in my yearbook to be sure if it's the person I'm even thinking of. I do not remember him as being one of the jerks that used to pester me constantly.

When I think about High School, I remember the good. The fun that I had working on

And Eric's message continued, making me adore him so much more.

Eric: If you want, I can kick his ass for you.

I don't want. I don't need. But it's nice to know that there's someone who would stand up for me over something that happened almost 25 years ago (sob. I am so old).

Also, Co-Worker Christy and I were talking about another Co-Worker and her jerk of a fiancé and we decided we need to clone Co-Worker Rykken because he is so normal and nice and never does anything bad like cheat on people or make them feel bad about themselves. And then we decided to include some of Christy's boyfriend's DNA with cloned Rykken because he is very sweet. And then I said we needed to include Bryan (karaoke host Bryan) because he can sing and that's very important.

Christy: We need someone with rock hard abs.

She turns to Rykken.

Christy: Women like that sort of thing.
DM: Hmm. Oh! Jason Statham.
Christy: Okay! That works. Could you imagine? Rykken combined with Jason Statham?

Christy and I have a Jason Statham moment. Rykken looks vaguely uncomfortable. But he's so nice and normal that he later makes a suggestion that we inject some Sam Cook DNA into the mix (apparently that's Rykken's favorite singer).

So if we ever figure out how to clone someone and mess around with DNA and stuff, there are going to be some perfect men out there. I look forward to this day. I mean, granted, I'll probably be over 100 before science makes any sense to me but still, it would be worth it.

Stuff

2008-07-24T13:01:00.001-06:00

Just some things that have happened lately.

Impartial, not-biased at all review of Hancock

When your sister says "Hey, Josh wants to see Hancock. Have you heard anything about it?" she's actually looking for is not if it will sustain his interest (because, hey, he's 4 and 1/2. He's got a fairly short attention span) like you thought but whether there's a lot of swearing and/or violence.

Guess what? There's a lot of swearing and/or violence. And you will spend part of the movie trying not to laugh at your sister who is glaring at you while she is covering your nephew's ears.

Also, if you are attending a movie with your sister, make sure that you do not let her have a drink of your pop. Because when she figures out it is Mountain Dew, she will then start lecturing you. And she is damn good at it. As I am sure the other people in the theater can attest to (she probably wasn't that loud, I remember a lot of hissing under her breath).

Kari: You are going to kill yourself. Do you want to be around for when your nephew grows up? Blah, blah, blah. Listen to me, blah, blah, blah.

DM: Give me my pop back!

Because of course she is holding on to it now. I do finally get it back. And I enjoyed every delicious, syrupy moment.

Hancock was fantastic. Lots of violence and the occasional car chase. I was amused greatly and also cried. Because that's what I do. I cry at movies. Doesn't matter what movie it is, I will probably cry at least once. I have also been known to cry at previews but those are typically horse movies. I don't know what it is about horses but they make me cry (as Beth and Keem can attest to after watching me sob after the preview for Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron).

BUNNY!

So my last post was inspired by a visit to Beth's two weekends ago. After a nice, relaxing weekend (where I organized my scrapbooking stuff while she was at work on Saturday night and mowed her front lawn on Sunday (and she cooked out! On her new grill! It was fun)), we are relaxing in her back yard. There has been a small rabbit hopping around in the neighbor's yard, looking incredibly cute. Beth and I watch him for awhile. He eventually hops into her yard and behind her garage.

It is the perfect evening. There is the smell of fresh cut grass, the evening isn't too hot (and we were in the shade since both Beth and I do not deal well with the sun (although I don't actually hear my skin sizzling when I'm in direct sunlight for more than 5 minutes (that might be an exaggeration but not much of one))) and her neighborhood is quiet (Neighborhood quiet is different for Beth than it is for me. Her neighborhood is filled with the sounds of dogs barking in the background, the occasional car driving by, the sound of bike wheels turning (apparently there's also a highway nearby but I don't notice it unless she points it out). My neighborhood is filled with police sirens and traffic. You know how in My Cousin Vinny, Joe Pesci couldn't sleep until he was in prison? Yeah, it's kind of like that for me as well).

I am reading my book (The Spellman Files by Lisa Lutz. Fantastic and the third time I've read it this year. Apparently there have been two sequels! I am missing out!) and Beth is playing solitaire on her iPod. She mentions that she might go in and get her headphones. I ask her where it is and am on my way inside when Beth softly calls my name. The baby rabbit is right behind the grill which is on my way to the kitchen.

We sit and watch him again. He is exploring, eating the occasional stalk of grass and looking around. He hops toward the garage and disappears from view.

Beth: Did he just go into my garage?
DM: I don't think so.

I stand up and see a tiny little cotton tail hop through the side door.

DM: He went into your garage.

Beth gets up and walks over to her kitchen steps. She is talking to him quietly, something about how he doesn't want to go into the garage, and I come over and stand near her. The bunny just looks at us. He's not afraid.

I may have squealed something about him being "so brave." Occasionally I am a squealer. Not often. I try to maintain a squeal-free existence.

Eventually he tires of watching us and hops along to the driveway. I go inside and get Beth's headphones.

Sitting in Beth's backyard reminds me of what I am missing by living in the city. It reminds me of growing up and having what I thought was the world's largest backyard. I think what I miss the most is the tickle of grass on my bare feet. I can do without the mosquitoes. Not many mosquitoes in downtown Saint Paul. I think the exhaust kills them.

I am a city girl but my roots are in the suburbs.* It's nice to be able to experience both sides of me now and again.

*Not the country. The country scares me. Although on road trips I try to pass time by talking to Keem about our future farm. And she tells me to shut up because we are not going to live on a farm, no matter how many kittens we could have. And the scrapbooking opportunities.

Hanging with Beth and Betsy on a Thursday night

Last Thursday, Beth picked me up after she was done with work and we went to the Chalet. It was packed and, when we arrived, Betsy was having a conversation with some guy at the bar.

Beth: Betsy got stuck talking to someone again.
DM: Yeah but she seems to be enjoying the conversation.*

*Apparently Betsy has a better fake smile than I do. Mine is more of a grimace.

The guy eventually moved over to the other side of the bar, I got an NTN playmaker (you can play trivia at bars now. It's very cool and can also be a great way to discourage weirdoes from talking to you ("Can't talk. Playing. You go now.")) and joined Betsy. We're both a little competitive and it can be irritating to watch my niece kick my ass. Especially when she makes comments like "Well, you're old." Grr. There's also a video game that is rarely empty so Beth was happy to start playing a game called Word Dojo.

Later on, the guy Betsy had been talking to left but not without first writing his phone number down on a coaster.

Betsy: That guy is more confident than he should be.
DM: Um, yeah. I could do better so you certainly could.*

*I may be biased but I think she's quite cute. I used to be that cute once. Well, I was in the vicinity of that cuteness.

Betsy: It's mean but I was thinking 'I've rejected guys who are more attractive and less drunk than you.'
DM: I know! I could take his number and call him and pretend to be you!
Beth (pretending to be me): Can you come pick me up? I don't drive.
DM: And then when we meet, he'll be all shocked and I'll say 'You've heard of beer goggles, haven't you, dude?'

Yes, yes, we're mean. It takes a lot of courage for guys to ask women out, blah, blah, blah. In this guy's case, it probably took about 12 glasses of courage. Beer should not be used as a cologne. Not attractive.

Betsy and I observed this one guy playing the game that involves a claw and you try to get stuffed animals. What is that game called? I don't know but the Chalet has one of them now and the guy managed to get two stuffed animals. As he was walking out the door, he offered them to Betsy and I because he didn't want them. Apparently it is the thrill of the hunt that is enough for him.

Betsy and I agreed and then spent the next ten minutes annoying Beth with our mock puppet show. Betsy received a small winged devil that is carrying a black heart that says "Love" on it. I got a small purple and white dog with floppy ears.

Betsy (growly voice): I am the devil. I am dark and carrying a black heart. Because love is awful and cruel and etc.*

DM (high-pitched voice): I am a dog. I am cute and adorable. My ears are floppy and everyone loves me.
Beth: Not everyone.

*I am paraphrasing. This conversation took place last week. I can't remember conversations that I had today.

It's a hard habit to break

Today was business casual. People come to tour NABABNA every once in awhile and we try to convince them that we're the perfect place for them to do business. Apparently making me shove my feet into shoes that are too small helps convince these random people of this (not that they actually talk to me (and no, it's not because I scare people. I don't scare people. I might be somewhat cynical and really weird but I'm not scary). I'm not in the right department for touring. And I like it that way).

Anyway, a few months ago, I picked up a nice black and white shirt at Catherine's. Short sleeved, linen, button up, sort of tailored (or it was until I got my hands on it. I wrinkle clothes just by looking at them). It also happened to have sequins and beads on it. Some people wonder (usually out loud) why I buy shirts that have sequins on them. Some people have predicted how long it will take for me to take the sequins off of the shirt. I am not sure why but sequins annoy the heck out of me. Or, let me rephrase that. I like the way the sequins look (well, it depends on the shirt. There are some god-awful sequined shirts out there) until that first stitch pops and the first sequin falls off. And then I will start cutting the rest of them off.

I've been receiving a few odd looks because the left side of the shirt is sequinless but the right side still has a bunch. Plus, there is a sequin trail all around my cubicle. I can't help it, people! I have a problem. I admit it.

Speaking of clothing, I was admiring Co-Worker Michelle's skirt today (very retro, 50ish, yellow with red and blue print, wrap around tied with a red ribbon) and she told me that it was a curtain. She found it at a thrift store, bought the one curtain (because thrift stores don't care) and then got a wide red ribbon to use as a belt. It is quite possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen and now I want to steal the idea.

DM: That is such a great idea. You are very crafty!
Co-Worker Michelle: I was a girl scout for many years.

If I would have known that being a girl scout would result in me knowing how to sew and do other cool things, I might have lasted longer than the ill-fated Brownie camping trip (all I really remember about this trip is I apparently gathered a brown bag full of garter snakes. Which my mother wouldn't let me take home (I am terrified of snakes so I have no idea who this strange child was. I apparently also ate tomatoes at one point in my childhood. I even liked clowns for awhile. Perhaps there was a terrifying clown, tomato and snake incident that I am repressing)).

I have just spent the last fifteen minutes trying to figure out why I'm singing to myself. Googling the lyrics, I realized that I have been entertaining myself with the chorus to Chicago's Hard Habit to Break. Typing a title is all it takes to get a song stuck in my head. This is very disturbing.

The ingenuity of the Internet

So I found another blog the other day. If I am entertained by a comment left on a blog that I am reading, I will click and read that person's blog. This one is Kristabella, Full of Snark* and I am pretty sure it was a comment she left on NPW's site that led to the discovery of quite possibly the most excellent use for Excel ever.

*I suspect Kristabella is not her real name, probably because she said it was a nickname but I haven't yet found what her real name is. I accept her usage of the name Kristabella though and will probably refer to her as that forever, just like Shelley (I hope it is with two E's) will always be NPW to me.

Anyway, this brilliant, brilliant woman has solved my not being able to blog at work problem. I managed to get past the whole posting thing since I can send an email and it will magically appear on my blog but there was the commenting. I want to comment, damn it! And I want to do it at work! The Internet connection is faster, the keyboard here doesn't hate me and leave out random letters in words and, most importantly, commenting at work does not distract from my rabid Pogo usage (www.Pogo.com. I love this site. If you find yourself here and want to try out Club Pogo (which has the cooler games, such as Tri-Peaks Solitaire and Jigsaw Detective), email me and I will send you a guest pass (I get three guest passes) to see if you find it worth joining. A lot of the games are free as well. And you earn tokens! The tokens can be redeemed for sweepstakes entries (none of which I've ever won, of course). Thus concludes the not paid advertising for Pogo).

And again, I got distracted from my whole point. The point is, she created an Excel spreadsheet that she could use to keep track of the blogs she read and the comments that she wanted to post. I did this Monday while on lunch and then commented on blogs and was very, very happy! Happy! Everything I wanted to say was right there. I didn't forget anything. It's amazing! I didn't have to worry about Keem's stupid keyboard that hates me and the letter E equally.

You would think that with my love for Excel, I would have come up with this years earlier but my problem is that I am just not that organized. I want to be organized but not enough to actually go through with it.

You can imagine how fun this is for me

I have a doctor's appointment on Friday. Without giving away too much in the gross details department, let's just say that I've been having a slight digestion problem. This problem has become more aggravated over the years and I've learned that there are certain foods that I just cannot eat anymore. And this pisses me right the F off (I would use the actual F word except the work email gods don't let you swear. I am wondering if damn will get through) because, damn it, I love onions. I want to eat onions when I want and not worry about whether I'll make it to the bathroom in time.

The last few weeks, however, things have been getting much worse. Now, no matter what I eat, I will find myself in the bathroom for long periods of time and things have not been pleasant. There is pain involved and there have been occasions where I haven't made it. Plus, it is starting to effect my work. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is? To have to go to your boss and say "I'm sorry, I have to go home. I soiled myself (okay, apparently some gross details are okay)." Granted, that doesn't happen very often but I also don't think that it's right that NABABNA pay me for the time I spent in the bathroom or worrying about what the heck is wrong with me or the sick headache that I had Friday that made me finally give up two hours early and go hide out in the Wellness Room until Keem was done working (since we've moved to our new location, I've had to take a cab once. It's expensive (and also an amusing story) so I wasn't taking one home).

Anyway, since I like to eat food of all sorts of variety and refuse to go on the BRAT diet (I'm sorry but I hate bananas and applesauce. And rice and toast are only good if there is butter involved) and am getting very tired of this and yes, am finally listening to my friends and family who have said "GO to the DOCTOR already!", I'm going to the doctor already.

I am hoping that it is just Irritable Bowel Syndrome (hoping. There's a word that isn't used in this situation very often) and not Colitis (Mom had it) or Diverticulitis (which Keem's dad had and can be fatal). Another thing that is driving me towards finally doing something about this is finding out that one of my brother's had Crohn's Disease and had to have a colostomy. Don't want that to happen.

Wish me luck.

Amusing cab story (aka Way to change the subject quickly)

So last Thursday I went to karaoke with Beth. That meant Friday morning dawned with far too little sleep (and I also didn't take a nap Thursday night, choosing to instead watch Last Comic Standing (Yay! Iliza won the showdown!)) and I, as I occasionally do, overslept. Grr. Keem left me behind. No big deal. I'll take a cab.

Yeah. Big deal. Big, big, big deal compounded with swear words. Lots of them.

Typically I will call Green and White Suburban cab. Why? Because their phone number is 222-2222. I can remember that. Plus I've had some good luck with them. Decent cab drivers, pleasant conversations (including but not limited to: Is Batman a better super hero than Superman? Answer: Yes. Batman is awesome and doesn't have super powers, he uses his giant brain and his really cool gadgets (although Clark Kent is better looking than Bruce Wayne (it's the glasses. Guys in glasses are hot (well, usually. This theory doesn't always work)), non-psycho scary people.

But, when I looked outside of my building, there were three cabs. Why call a cab when there is one outside? Save yourself some time, Dana.

Ha. Hahahahahaha.

If you weren't aware of it, I am here to tell you that there is a cab honor policy. As the consumer, you cannot just choose the cab driver you want (not even if he's really cute), you have to follow the hierarchy. So I look at the cute driver, hoping he's the one who will drive me to work and wordlessly ask "Which one of you was here first?" Cute driver wordlessly indicates the guy who hasn't paid any attention to me since I've walked up to the curb because he's too busy reading the paper (and the wrong paper, I might add. Of course, I grew up on the Saint Paul Pioneer Press. I concede that the Star Tribune has its good points). Dang it, I am here. Stop reading and acknowledge me!*

*I am aware of the irony here, Beth. I know there have been several times when you have arrived to pick me up and I haven't noticed because I was engrossed in a book. But I am Dana and my logic is odd and, in some cases, non-existent.

I get into the back seat of the cab. I tell him where I need to go. I, fortunately, do not give him the wrong address and end up half way to South Saint Paul before I remember that we moved to Mendota Heights.

Now, we've been at the new office since the end of June. I have ridden with Keem many, many times. So you would think I would be prepared when the cab driver asks me what he should take to get there. You would think this but you would be very wrong. I am directionally challenged. Plus, hello, it is not my job to know where things are. My job is to be amusing and quirky (if only I could get paid for that). There is a reason why I am going to shell out a large sum of money to you, Mister Cab Driver.

Let's recap.

Cab Driver (CD): What do I take to get there?
DM: Uh. Um, that highway that's up by the Xcel Center. I think it's 35.

It is 35. 35E South, to be technical. Thankfully, the cab driver is able to interpret my complicated direction.

CD: Do I take 494 to Pilot Knob?

Now I am directionally challenged and admit it. But even I know that Pilot Knob is in Eagan. And I told you that I needed to go to Mendota Heights, dang it! And yes, I did learn later that Eagan and Mendota Heights are a lot closer than I thought. I always think that Eagan is near Minneapolis and it really isn't. I think I get it confused with Edina. You know, because they have three of the same letters.

DM: I don't think so. I don't remember taking 494. I can call my roommate to be sure.
CD: No, that's okay. I'll ask my dispatcher.

He calls the dispatcher on the radio.

CD: Hey. How do I get to Centre Point Drive in Mendota Heights? Do I take 494 to Pilot Knob?
Dispatcher: Let me think.

Two seconds go by.

Dispatcher: Yeah, that's right.

No it's not! And how can it only take you two seconds to decide this? Did it just sound right to you?

I am convinced that this is not right because I don't remember ever going to another highway. For example, when going to Beth's, I know that we drive on one highway and then we veer off to the right onto another highway. I don't actually know what those highways are called but I can point you in the right direction.*

*Oh, shut up. I'm the person who doesn't remember if you go through Michigan to get to Chicago, remember? Although, to quote Diana, you can go through Michigan. If you go by way of China first. Which cracked me up when I reread her comment.

I resolve to pay extra attention to where we are going. As we journey down the highway, I notice all of my landmarks. There's the sign to indicate that we're driving over the Mississippi River. There are the odd little sphere shaped things that are on the power lines (I am not sure what they are for. Keem said it was to warn planes that there were power lines there and not just river. Which makes sense). There is the exit for Caribou Coffee. A-ha (Take on me! Take me on! (This has to stop! How can I get this many songs stuck in my head?)! I know that the next exit is the one I want.

DM: You need to take this exit.
CD: But that's not 494.
DM: I know. You don't go on 494.
CD: But Pilot Knob Road is…
DM: I don't work on Pilot Knob Road!

He still would have had time to take the exit but had to argue with me.

CD: Well, now I have to go to 494. I missed the exit.

Okay. I don't say anything because I am quietly seething. I plan on saying something once I have formulated a response that doesn't sound like "I hate you! You bastard! You better hope I don't get a fork anytime soon!" He then says something that makes me forgive him.

CD: We'll adjust the meter.

Damn straight you will, buddy!

The cab driver drives by a business center on Pilot Knob.

CD: Is this it?

I look at him in disbelief. The internal dialogue goes through my head:

Let's look at the clues here. First of all, I have just told you that I don't work on Pilot Knob Road. Secondly, I said that I worked on Centre Pointe Drive when I first got in the cab. If you add that up, I think you will reach the logical conclusion that I do not work here!!!!

What I say is no.

The cab driver calls his dispatcher again. The dispatcher then acknowledges that "Hey, I led you the wrong way! Sorry about that."

Really? You're just figuring this out now?

Long story short (too late!), I end up at work about a half hour late. I say to my co-workers "Hey! Guess what? Did you know that we work on Pilot Knob?"

I tell the story. We laugh. Co-Worker Christy says she would write the company a letter and complain. I figure it is not worth it. Plus, hey, at least I can blog about it, right? After all, $23 later, I ended up at work.*

*It would have been $28 before adjustment. I did not tip. Was that wrong?

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It's actually Thursday now. I'll post an addendum after my doctor's appointment. Hope you all have a good weekend.

G is for Growing up on Griffin

2008-07-16T17:46:00.001-06:00

Like how I got those two G's in there (3 if you count the one hiding in ing)? Aren't I clever? Hahahaha?

Oh shut up. Like you've never run out of stuff to write about and sit back and wonder what happened to that girl who was going to set the world on fire and had so many ideas and was going to write many stories and people would wait anxiously for her books to come out and complain about the fact that your favorite author takes too long to write and one book a year isn't enough, dang it…

Huh. That sentence got away from me. Anyway, been suffering a wee bit from writer's block lately. But something happened this weekend that reminded me of something that happened in my childhood. So I broke out the Encyclopedia of Dee Em again (I do not know what I would have done if Laurel hadn't done this first. It's such a brilliant idea. Except she has exciting things to write about like figure skating (I could figure skate if I didn't have the weakest ankles in the world)).

G is for Growing Up on Griffin

When I was 5, the guy who owned the house we were renting decided to sell it. He did not actually inform my parents of this but put a sign under the pine tree in our front yard. I found it one day when I was playing (I liked to hide under the tree. Not sure why. Oh, wait. I'm shy (I am too! I'm just shy in a different way than the rest of the world)). So there was house hunting to be done.

We didn't go far, just a couple of miles. My folks found a nice house on Griffin Avenue and we settled in. I lived in that house until 1986, when Mom decided to kick me out because I was not doing very well in college (Apparently, if you don't go to class and instead choose to play Cribbage and Pinball in the cafeteria, you end up receiving poor grades. Who knew?) and she said "You are just like your father!"*

*Alcohol and drugs. Such a winning combination. And yeah, I probably was a lot like my father at that time. Fortunately for me, I grew out of it.

I am sure I have mentioned before that I don't remember a lot of my childhood, mainly because, as my father was quite the heavy drinker, I spent a lot of time in my bedroom reading. I loved to read. I still do, of course, but I'm not as voracious as I was back then. There was so much more time in the day.

I remember glancing at the sign for Griffin and wondering what it meant. Dictionary to the rescue and there it was, a fabled creature - half eagle, half lion. Hmm. I wanted more. Hello, introduction to Greek mythology.

Here are some of the things that I remember (in no particular order (because let's face it, I am horrible with dates)):

1. Playing on the swing in the back yard and pretending it was a ship. Traveling to multiple islands. The swing also was our rocket ship.

2. Acting out a play that I wrote (except I never put it on paper that I recall) where my friends and I were the planets that would come to life at night to be the Roman gods and goddesses they were named after.

3. Wanting a pet rabbit desperately. My parents were going to get me one but came home with ears of corn instead. I was so very upset and was crying. My dad told me to hush up and carry a bag inside. He handed me a burlap bag. I started heading into the house and was shocked when the bag started moving. Huh? Corn didn't move. I opened up the bag and there was a black and white rabbit.

I don't remember what I named the rabbit or how long we had it and the other rabbits that came along. I do remember one of the rabbits we had was eaten by a neighbor's dog. I think that was the end of our rabbit phase. We stuck to dogs and cats after that.

5. Finally being considered old enough to ride my bike on Griffin. My mother, bless her, was somewhat paranoid that we were going to get killed if we were on Griffin. All those cars rushing by (yeah. One every hour or so). Instead we had to stay on the street that ran behind our house.

Griffin had this incredibly huge hill (okay, it was huge for me when I was 13 (yes, that's when I learned how to ride a bike. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have training wheels when you're 13?)). I desperately wanted to be able to coast down it. But Mom had put her foot down and so it was the much smaller hill for me. And she caught me the one time I got up the guts to disobey her. If I remember correctly, I wasn't allowed to go to the library that week. Quite possibly the best punishment she ever came up with.

When I was a bit older (15 or 16?), the restriction was lifted. My friends and I would circle around the block and then head for the hill at full speed. If I close my eyes, I can remember the way it felt to have the wind on my face, my hair flying around. The sound of my bike hurtling down the hill.

As I got older, I was then able to take my bike to the library. You haven't lived until you've tried to get over 100 books home on a bicycle. It is not easy. Trust me on this one.

6. The excitement of being first at the bus stop. Why this was so exciting, I have no clue. But there was this big race every school day to get up there. This stopped being such a big deal once we were in junior high. We were only two blocks away from the middle school.

7. Mowing the lawn. We had a huge lawn and I could typically convince my parents that the lawn was worth 10 bucks (5 for the back, 5 for the front) so I could have spending money. I loved to cut figures into the grass - squares, hearts, triangles. I have always had an overactive imagination so it was time for me to spin stories in my head. There was one summer where these stories were about Bo and Luke Duke coming up the long driveway in the General Lee. We would get into car chases with Boss Hogg and Roscoe P. Coltrane. Hey. I had a thing for Luke. He was hot (and it worked out well because Kari fancied Bo).

There are more stories, there are more things that I did growing up. But these are the ones that stick in my head today.

Now I've got to go because Keem is caught up with her work. See you.

This is before caffeine

2008-07-15T07:28:00.001-06:00

And have any of you ever known me to be perky and/or chipper?

Perhaps chipper in that scary "Fargo" way (by which I mean I am full of biting sarcasm. Not that I am prone to shove bodies into wood chippers. That's just gross).

Created by OnePlusYou

Weekend Fun, a Keem Funny and a Meme

2008-07-08T15:32:00.000-06:00

I had a nice long 4 day weekend where I went to LaCrosse with Keem. It was very relaxing. We didn't do much except hang out with Keem's mom and shop. No trip to Shopko (favorite store, no clue why) or a place where I could get my hair cut, unfortunately (and yes, I did cut the bangs again. Except this time I managed to do it when half of them were tied back off of my face in a pony tail. So the resulting look is well, um, weird, I guess we could say. At least I did manage to dye my hair and am not dealing with the white streak down the middle anymore.

*****************************************
Before my department moved to the new building, Keem and I used to drive to work over the Mississippi River on the Wabasha Bridge. Since summer is here, we have been on the lookout for canoes. Or as Keem and I call them "canoeseses."* There is something fun about looking down and seeing tiny canoes on the river.

DM: Look! There are canoeseses.
Keem: There are canoeseses. I wonder if they are from the Canoe of M?
DM: Hahahahaha! You said Canoe of M.
Keem: U of M. I made a funny.

*I'm not exactly sure where this came from. One day, while Keem and I were waiting at the movie theater for someone to meet us (Beth? My sister? No clue), we started talking about my fascination with E's, especially double E's, and how I started substituting double E's whenever there was a vowel (so Kim is now Keem, Dana would be Deenee, Beth is Beeth, etc. Nothing really stuck except for Keem (although I do say Wuter instead of Water which has nothing to do with E's at all but can be summed up in three words. I am odd)) and started coming up with a language of our own. Adding eses at the end of plural words may have come from that (Or I may also say "Keem, I am tirededed.").

While in LaCrosse, Keem asked me for the remote. But she said remoteses.

DM: You can not say remoteseses. There is only one remote.
Keem: I did not say remoteseses. Remoteseses is plural. If there is only one remote, than it is a remoteses.
DM: Our language is weird.
Keem: Hey! You started it!

And I can't argue with that. I did start it. But again. I'm odd.

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Hope you all had a great 4th. And, because I did manage to spend some money on cross stitch supplies, I am going to post this Meme I found on Nancy's website awhile back.

Yes, it is a meme but hey, there are presents involved! Homemade presents. Presents are fun.

Here's the gist. It is like the movie (or book, if you're me and never actually saw the movie) Pay It Forward but without death and tears (and if you've never seen the movie (or read the book), I apologize but hey, I like to know if I'm going to spend an afternoon crying my eyes out because some kid gets murdered for doing a good deed)…

And yes, once again, I have gone off on another tangent. Anyway, I will make and send a handmade gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment on this post requesting to join the PIF exchange. You will post a similar promise on your blog promising hand made gifts to others when they post and then gifts will circle the globe! There will peace and good will amongst people! Everyone will be happy!

The gift that I will make will probably be a bookmark of some sort. I have received some compliments regarding my bookmark making skills. What type it is will be up to you…have a favorite Buffy the Vampire Slayer quote? Angel? Firefly? I can cross stitch it for you along with a fun pattern of some sort (and yes, I will work with the non-Joss Whedon oeuvre. I'm doing some Buddhist quote for Co-Worker Beau that says "Not Always So." And no, not exactly sure what it means but if it makes him happy, I'm okay with it). Or there's the book mark as well where I take a fun picture and words to make something interesting and then laminate it. Beth suggested I try doing this with some of my photos and stickers instead of things from a magazine and as we all know, Beth is pretty gosh darn brilliant.

The whole point is that we're all talented in our own way and what better way to share that with others? Can't knit, cross stitch, etc.? How about a framed picture that you took? Pencil sketch? Mix tape (okay that would be pushing it)?

Hope you're up for the idea of participating! I am in a creative mood!

D'oh, a deer revisited

2008-06-30T08:02:00.000-06:00

Nothing really exciting going around here but I thought it would be fun to revisit some old posts.

We've moved to the new building at work. It's good. I like it. That's pretty much it for new stuff in my life.

Old post called D'oh, a deer

When I lived in Madison, back so many years ago, my roommate Becky and I would try to come back to Minnesota as often as possible. It wasn’t that we didn’t make friends in Madison or enjoy some of the time there, it was just that after awhile, after so many things went bad (not a lot of money, roommates bailing on us, etc), we would flee back to our familiar friends and familiar hang-outs and just relax for that brief amount of time.

This was back in the early 90’s when I was in my late 20’s and went to the bar every night and drank like a fish and would sleep with strange men when I was drunk or stoned (every Queen has her sordid past) and pretty much thought that I would be young and thin(ner) forever so it didn’t matter what I abused my body with. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and steal the body I used to have. I was cute, dammit.

Anyway, back to the story at hand. I have a slight problem. I fall asleep very easily when I’m in a car. Beth and Keem will vouch for this. There are pictures of me in a backseat, my head tilted back, snoring, in at least two scrapbooks. This drives people crazy, especially if they are tired themselves. And they all have their own way of dealing with the situation. Becky would roll down the window in the middle of winter (Brr). Beth will slam on the brakes (I should mention that this is done only if there is no one traveling too close behind us).

But of these three, Keem is the evilest of all. Keem has the elbow. Imagine, if you will, that you are joyfully snoozing. You are upright so there is none of the pain that comes when you try to sleep on your bed (bad back, knots in my shoulders so it hurts to sleep on either my right or left shoulder (yes, I know I should go to the doctor but I am resisting. I could spend that $30 co-pay on so much more fun things)), perhaps you are dreaming of something sweet and romantic and then BAM! The elbow strikes. Right in your left arm which hurts because of the whole shoulder thing. Which is just horribly wrong.

You may counter with “Well, what the heck are you do falling asleep?” To which I will say, “Why are you always taking Keem’s side?” And then we’ll have this huge fight and it will be very sad and I will cry. Then I’d have to give back the Friends Forever bracelet and vow to never talk to you again. We don’t want that, do we? Don’t make me cry, Internet.

But I digress (yeah and you’re really shocked by that, aren’t you?). So the particular weekend of this story, Becky and I were headed back to Madison. It was late and there weren’t a lot of cars on the road. Since it was dark and the heat was on (this was in November, I think), I started falling asleep. If it had been daytime, I may have been able to stay awake, since I would have been looking for landmarks, such as the dancing trees. The dancing trees were what I named these two trees on a bluff on the side of the road. The way the branches of one tree had grown toward the other made me think of a couple that were dancing together. I found it highly romantic and it amused me. Those of you who know me IRL will not be surprised by that. Those of you who don’t know me IRL are missing a lot. Think of the excitement of driving around with someone who will, at random times, yell out such fascinating facts as SQUIRREL! Or BALLOON! And then I will clap and giggle. Because I am five.

Boy, I sure get distracted easily. Okay, it was dark, the heat was on, I was falling asleep. All the elements of an exciting story. What could be happening up ahead? What awaits our heroine, Becky, as she drives through the night? There are barely any cars around. It’s the perfect opportunity for something horrible to happen. Ooh. What could it be? Is it a chainsaw carrying psycho pacing down the highway? An axe murderer cavorting in the woods? Vicious vampires vanquishing villains (I really like alliteration so I apologize right now for this)?

No. No, it’s none of these things.

I, deep in my sleep, hear something disturbing. It is Becky screaming my name. I open my eyes slowly and what I see in front of me is darkness.

Dark night, dark road, dark lump in the middle of the road.

I have enough time to think “Huh?” I don’t even get to finish with “Why is there a garbage bag in the middle of the road?” The next thing I know, we’ve driven over the garbage bag with a thump.

The car is swerving back and forth, I see a van over to the right to us as we go by. Becky is cursing as she tries to bring the car back into control.

I turn to her. “Why did those people leave a garbage bag in the middle of the road?”

“They didn’t. That was a deer.”

“A deer?” I am horrified. “We ran over a deer? Did we kill it?”

“I am assuming it was already dead because it was hit by that van.”

“Oh. Yuck.”

We drive in silence for a little while. Becky is concerned with the way that the car is responding and decides to pull over and check underneath the car. I stay within the confines of the car and watch her do this. She walks forward, facing me, and slowly leans to look underneath. Suddenly she jumps back, her eyes wide. She runs back to the car and jumps in.

“Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God,” she keeps saying.

“What? What? What is it?”

“I saw eyes.”
Apparently when we ran over the deer, we took a piece of it with us. Becky wants me to look under the car to confirm her sighting. I am quite reluctant to do this but eventually I do get out of the car and look underneath it. And there I see eyes glittering at me. I hurry back to the car and stare at Becky. What are we going to do?

Well, neither of us are willing to crawl under the car and release the head, there are no large sticks to poke at it, so we do the next best thing. We drive along the shoulder, half on the shoulder, half on the dirt on the side of the road, scraping the bottom of the car, hoping to shake off our unwanted passenger.

After a few minutes of this, we think that everything is okay. Time to keep driving. The car seems to be handling a bit better so everything is fine. Everything is just wonderful. It was just a bad experience and it is all over. Right?

Wrong. Suddenly all we can smell is burning flesh and hair. This is the worst thing I have ever smelled in my life. It is worse than mold (I’m allergic), paint (I break into hives), and is probably tied with Clorox and Lime Away mixed together (I had an employee try to kill me once). It is awful, horrible and made our eyes water with the acrid smell.

No longer able to handle the smell or the imminent feeling that we were going to throw up any minute, we pulled into a gas station. We both breathed a sigh of relief when we saw that the lone clerk working there was a man (well, male. He was probably 17 or 18. And pimply. And his voice cracked when he said hello to us (Becky usually had that effect on men)). I believe that women are capable of doing anything they want to do. I believe we should be paid the same as men when performing the same job. I believe that a woman does not need a man to be happy (well, now, I do. 7 years of celibacy will do that to you). What I do not believe is that this particular woman, myself, should have to deal with messy, disgusting, yucky things. Deer heads come into that category.

After the argument about who was going to talk to him (I lost), I approached him and put on my most winning smile. “Hi,” I said casually. “We were wondering if you could help us. We sort of ran over a deer and think the deer head is stuck under the car and we were hoping you might have a broom or something that we can poke underneath the car.”

He stares at us blankly. “Huh?”

I start into my spiel again. As I’m explaining this to him, we see a semi pull up to the gas pumps in the diesel section. A truck driver walks in or I should say swaggers in. He heads over to the coffee pot. As I’m going through my explanation a second time, I notice that the truck driver is listening. The pimply boy (compared to the truck driver, a real MAN (rugged and bearded and wearing flannel (and I’m not sure why this is kind of a turn on since I’m usually attracted to smooth shaven men in fitted suits)) stammers a refusal, there’s no way that he’s going to help us.

The trucker saunters over. “Ran over a deer, did ya?” We nod. He gives that half smile that real manly men give when they see women in distress. He looks at the boy and gives a disdainful sniff, indicating without words that he is completely worthless as a man.

Author’s Note: I know this is wrong. I know that the fact that he had the attitude that we were helpless women completely incapable of taking care of ourselves was sexist and wrong on so many levels and he should have been strung up by his toes. Or even better, I should be strung up by my toes for sighing slightly over his aggressively masculine demeanor. But there are some things that I will just not handle and if that means I have to pretend to be weak and ineffectual and flutter my eyes and say “Oh, you’re such a big strong man,” I’ll do it. I don’t do blood, I don’t do vomit (except for Eddy’s and that’s only because Keem makes me because he’s supposedly my cat (even though he loves only her and she’s the one that insists on feeding him wet cat food)) and I don’t do deer parts (Lioness, I know you’re just shaking your head over this and I apologize but I have always been a little in awe of you, especially when you start talking about cadavers and stuff).

At the time of this experience, I had a list of what men were good for (I don’t have this list anymore because it is wrong to think this way and I should not bash men because most of my friends are men and I adore them). This was my list:

1. Dealing with icky things (bugs, blood, deer parts, you name it).
2. Lifting/Carrying/Opening Jars
3. Sex
4. Hmm, I keep forgetting what that 4th thing is

This would usually get a laugh but it is terrible and wrong and oh so not politically correct. Bad Dana! Bad! That why I don’t have the list anymore. Especially since number 3 is no longer being fulfilled. Damn men.

The trucker leans under the car, fiddles around for a little bit and then backs up, carrying something with him. Becky and I exchange a wordless “Oooh” of dismay (Oooh technically isn’t a word). The trucker brandishes the deer leg at us and says “Got caught in the wheel well (or something like that. I don’t know. Do I drive? No). You should be fine now.” He tosses the leg onto the ground and wanders off into the night, off to show how macho he is to other women.

The clerk looks at the deer leg. He looks at us. He starts to say “You’re going to have to…” We are in the car and on our way out of the parking lot before he finishes his sentence. No way in hell are we touching that thing.

The car smelt of burnt deer hair and fat for about a month. It was awful.

I sometimes wonder what happened when the store manager came in the next day and saw a deer leg lying on the ground. Sometimes I think about the deer and hope that she is in Deer Heaven, with all of her legs, running around, frolicking. There’s a Deer Heaven, right?

Eureka!

2008-06-26T09:47:00.000-06:00

I found my keys! Only been missing for about a week.

Guess where they were. Go ahead, guess.

Yeah. On my desk. The entire time.

Perhaps I'm not as organized as I like to think I am.

Monday, Monday, you sure are a pain in my tuckus!

2008-06-23T09:52:00.000-06:00

I hate Mondays. A bullet point reason why:

It is approximately 300 degrees inside my building.
Okay, yes, that is a slight exaggeration. Not much of one but still, it is not quite that hot.
However, it is 80 degrees outside and that feels better than being inside. That's not good.

Although, thankfully my department is moving on Friday to a new building, a new state of the art building where we will have many new and exciting things.
Including, but not limited to, air conditioning that ACTUALLY works!

I came into work to find out that hey, once again, my computer has spyware on it. Oh, yay!
Now I have to get a brand new system.
So I'll probably lose everything that I have. Hmm, should perhaps start moving things to the shared drive so I can move it all back.
I seem to have lost my keys.
I am tired and cranky and slowly melting in a puddle of sweat.

That's pretty much it for the cranky bullet points. How about some happy ones?

Keem and my old roommate Jeff was in town this weekend and he came over to visit yesterday.
We had a cook out on our deck. It was a lot of fun.
Even when the rain came pouring down.
There's an overhang off the side of the building so we moved the table underneath it.
Before the rain started, the umbrella over our table shot straight up into the air because of the wind.
It just hovered for a good five seconds and then crashed off to the side.
Mike, Jeff's best friend, caught it.
Did Jeff, who was using my camera, manage to get one picture of this? Of course not.
Kari, Eric and Josh were there as well. Josh decided Mike was his new best friend.
We went swimming later. That was also fun.
After Jeff and Mike left, we watched A Bug's Life. Love that movie.
Even with 300 questions from Josh, it was still fun ("What did he say?" "Why did he do that?" "Is he the bad guy?").
Today is my sister's birthday. She is 39. And has today off.
I get to babysit on Thursday. The first time that I have been trusted alone with the child for more than 15 minutes. This should be interesting.
I watched Little Miss Sunshine this weekend. Very cute movie.

Okay, I think that's it. I know I am behind on blogs. That's because I have been reading Buffy the Vampire Slayer transcripts again at work. Since someone noticed that I was actually blogging when it is verboten. I'm going to try to be good again. Hopefully I'll be able to get caught up in the next few days.

This is seriously cool!

2008-06-13T12:04:00.005-06:00

NancyPearlWannabe (or NPW as we cool kids like to call her) posted this photo meme and I thought it was very cool and had to do it myself.

Here are the rules if you also think it is very cool.
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into flickr search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name.

And yes, I am aware that I used the word cool 4 times in one (very short) post. I can't help it. I'm a product of my generation.

Why I will never ever go "clubbing" again. Unless it involves the DJ and beating him over the head with an actual club

2008-06-10T14:29:00.002-06:00

What did you do this weekend, dear Internet? Was it filled with excitement? I certainly hope so.

I had an interesting weekend. Well, let me rephrase that. I had an interesting Friday night. The rest of the weekend was rather tame (although I did go see Chronicles of Narnia, Prince Caspian on Sunday and that was good).

Friday night, Beth picked me up and we journeyed to the wilds of Maplewood for my niece's graduation party. To give you an idea of how small the world is*, about 3 years ago or so, Beth called me and asked me if I knew an Elizabeth Vittum. I said I wasn't sure but knew she was related to me somehow, since anyone with the last name Vittum is related to me somehow. I also said maybe she was Bruce's daughter (Bruce is my youngest half-brother, 10 years older than me (my dad was married two times (possibly 3, depending who is telling the story))) because I was pretty sure Scott didn't have any daughters (Scott is my oldest half-brother. And apparently he does have two daughters).

*It's also a good example of how bad my "keeping in touch with my family" skills are.

Anyway, long story short (too late), Betsy is Bruce's daughter and she meets us up at the Chalet on Thursday nights. We've become friends and I was really pleased to be invited to her graduation party. Beth was also invited, the only non-family member.

It was nice seeing Bruce again. The last time I saw him was at my Dad's funeral in 1994. I recognized him right away. He looks very much like my father. I also met (re-met?) my former sister-in-law Kathy and Bruce's girlfriend. I felt welcomed and not out of place at all. Which is definitely not normal for me at family reunions! Actually, I used to spend most family reunions in the corner, reading, so this is a vast improvement.

I really need to load pictures one of these days. I got some great ones of the goslings (the party was at Casey Lake) and two of Betsy's cousins rolling down the hill, a small child running with a balloon. I also have some of Bruce and Scott who was also there.

Here's another example of how bad I am at staying in touch with my family - While Beth and I are sitting at one of the picnic tables, this attractive older man comes up and says "Hi, babe."

DM: Um, hi.
Beth (sotto voce): That's Scott.
DM: Oh my GOD! Hi!

Beth later explained she heard Bruce call him Scott and that's how she knew who he was. It's a good thing I have my friends around to remind me of important things, such as who the heck my brother is…don't know what I'd do without her.

Scott and his wife sat down with Beth and I. When I get nervous, I babble. When I babble, I lose all sense of whatever I'm saying. I don't even really remember what we talked about. Later on, Beth and I were talking.

DM: Hi! My name is Dana! And I babble. Babble, babble, babble. Blah, blah, blah. Hello! Would you like to hear about my tattoos since I just flashed you, sister-in-law whose name I didn't catch? Babble, babble, babble! God. I flashed my sister-in-law.

Beth: Yes, you did. I was going to say something but then you started talking and wouldn't stop.
DM: I am a babbler.

I think I'm going to ask Co-worker Christy if she can do something with the shirt I was wearing. It's just a tad too big. I love it but I don't need to go around exposing various parts of my body to my FAMILY!

It was a good afternoon. Even with the mosquito bites (that I still have and that are driving me nuts still). Then things got weird.

Betsy, Nick (Betsy's brother), Bob and Angie (Betsy's cousins on her mother's side) and Beth wanted to go play pool after the party. I don't necessarily play pool (only when forced) but I enjoy watching it. The plan was to go to the dive bar. So, I'm thinking hole in the wall, right? Not a lot of people, feet sticking to the floor because of the beer, etc. In other words, not a club. I don't like clubs. I am not a club type of person. Guess what this place was? Guess.

Yes. It was a club. Apparently it's not the dive bar, it's Dive Bar. Why do you use the word Dive in your title? Why?

We walk up to the bouncer and he cards Beth. I ask if he needs to see my ID.

Bouncer: Sure.

I dig through my purse. Of course I can't find it.

Bouncer: Don't bother. I just asked to make you feel good.

Thanks, dude. That doesn't make me feel good at all!

There are flashing lights, loud music that I've never heard before, scantily clad women all over the place. Oh, joy.

Beth pays the cover and we find our way to the back where Nick is waiting by the pool tables. We happen to be by the woman's bathroom. This just adds to the fun since I am now able to view what passes for fashion nowadays (tube tops, tight, tight pants or skirts, etc. The more of your boobs on display, the better, apparently).

Two girls walk up to the men's room.

Silly Girl 1: That's not it.
Silly Girl 2: Oh, there it is.
Silly Girl 1: Yay!

They clap. I admit to getting excited about small things (SQUIRRELS and BALLOONS! come to mind) but I have never Yay'd or clapped at a bathroom.

Beth and I discuss the last time we paid a cover. I'm thinking for me it has been at least 20 years and was on New Year's Eve. Beth thinks the last time was when she went to a gay bar (Technically, I guess the gay bars we used to go to with our old roommates could be considered clubs but they were far less annoying).

DM: I kind of wish we were at a gay bar. The guys are much better looking.

Then the television screens start flashing an odd little message. Possibly programmed by the DJ? I don't know.

Greg wants to give Ricky a reach around.

DM: Huh. Maybe we are at a gay bar.

Then the message changed to:

Indy feels left out.

Why would Indiana Jones feel left out? Oh, wait. Is that the DJ's name?

DM (to Beth and Nick): I want to break a pool cue over the DJ's head. What do you think he'd do if I asked him to play some CCR?

Beth tries to convince me I should but I chickened out.

New message:

Greg likes to play with his balls (pool balls that is).

Oh, wow. That's so clever. Ha. Ha ha. Ha.

The DJ is playing some of the most annoying music I have ever heard. At one point, the refrain of "Shake your ass for me, girl. Shake your ass for me" echoes through the room.

Seriously? This is considered music?

Then, wonders of wonders, the song "Without Me" starts playing by Eminem.

Beth and DM simultaneously: I know this song!
DM: I have never been so happy to hear Eminem in my life.

Three girls strut from the bathroom to the dance floor, holding hands. I'm pretty sure two of them are the Silly Girls who couldn't find the bathroom earlier. I am not sure if they realize how silly they look, walking in a line.

Beth: I feel like I'm 20 years too old to be here. And I'm 29!

The song switches from Eminem to one of the worst songs ever recorded. It is almost worse than Picture but not quite. It's that stupid Milkshake song.

Sure enough, there's a new message on the TV.

Indy's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

Then there's the song about how some woman is a crazy b*tch but gosh darn it if the guy singing doesn't mind enjoying her in a romantic (term used loosely) manner.

Oh, and then it's time for a video! Let's watch a bunch of women prance around in swimsuits and fawn all over fully dressed men. That sends a good message, doesn't it? The song is called Cyclone. Let's never listen to it again.

Speaking of messages, here's another one from our industrious DJ Indy (who also needs a shot from a hot girl (I was so tempted to bring him one. Although I wasn't so much hot as somewhat warm)):

Jen moves her body like a cyclone.

Beth: Do you think she gets dizzy? I think I'd throw up.

And then Indy follows up with:

And Indy likes to watch.

For the love of God, Indy, if that is in fact your real name, shut the heck up!

Then, wonders of wonders, I hear the opening chords for one of the best songs ever written.

Def Leppard. "Pour Some Sugar on Me."

DM: Yes! I know this song!

Everyone in the immediate vicinity turns and looks at me.

DM: Yeah, that was kind of loud, wasn't it?

The pounding of the music was seriously getting to both Beth and I. We were both complaining of headaches. I asked Beth for some Advil and swallowed some honking large pills.

Beth: You took the Advil, right? Not the Cold and Sinus?
DM: What does the Cold and Sinus look like?

Apparently they look like the pills I just took. Oops. Fortunately the pills don't make you tired.

Shortly after that, Beth and I made our escape. I really, really wanted to take pictures of the experience but I'm pretty sure if I was taking pictures of the random people around the place, someone would notice. However, I will leave you with these two images.

Imagine, if you will, a blonde woman covered in gold lame. Gold halter top, gold mini-skirt.

DM: She's shiny.

Then there was the woman who was wearing what I believe is called a handkerchief skirt. It was a fairly long skirt but it had slits everywhere that made it pointy AND flappy at the same time. And the top she paired it with was a backless halter. I am one who doesn't really care if my bra straps slip and are exposed but I would definitely not wear something that exposed the back of my bra.

Not that I'm one to talk about fashion. I flashed my sister-in-law. Perhaps you could all talk about your past wardrobe malfunctions now to make me feel better.

Send chocolate. Now.

2008-06-04T14:16:00.001-06:00

If yesterday's corrupted files weren't enough, today I spent 4 1/2 hours working on our internal library resource (I'm calling it Libby from now on. Co-worker Rykken came up with the name when we decided it was haunted by an evil poltergeist). About an hour later, the entire thing crashed because one of the Tech guys was working on changing some settings or access or God only knows. And now everything that I added this morning is gone. GONE! G - O - N - E, baby.

I am, if you haven't guessed, a little frustrated. Because now, when I try to go back and duplicate all my work from this morning, I can't save anything. Libby keeps asking me for my username and password. I don't HAVE one, you stupid, evil program.

Plus I have become the "go-to" person with questions about Quality or Libby and that's all well and good but people. I have work to do. I have an inbox stuffed to the gills for things to update in Libby. I have 36 calls to monitor by the end of the week. Stop asking me questions! ARGH!

Okay. I feel better. Somewhat. Plus, at least my library isn't filled with spiders. Or smell like sewage. Which would be kind of difficult for a virtual library to do but I am counting my blessings.

One of those blessings is going to be the lemon bar I'm going to stuff my face with in 2.3 seconds.
.

The Wild and Crazy Weekend

2008-06-02T16:09:00.002-06:00

I came in to work this morning to find that my computer profile decided to become corrupt over the weekend and suddenly I had lost all of my precious, precious computer related things. It was very sad. So, while Computer Guy Eric was working on my computer, I was sitting at Co-Worker Beau's desk, reading my favorite magazine (Woman's World) and then moving on to my new book (Remember Me (by Sophie Kinsella)) when Beau came in. He was a little surprised to see me but I explained that his chair was more comfortable than Co-Worker Rykken's chair.

Beau: What'd you do to your computer?
DM: I'm not sure. My profile is corrupt or something.
Beau: I always knew you were corrupt.

What? How could he say such a thing? Was it because my Sunday was spent jet boating with a much younger man, deep sea fishing? And I was steering the boat without a real driver's license? Could that be it? Must be.

Expect that the much younger man was 4 and the jet boat was in our imaginations.

Saturday, Beth's mom Laurie picked me up and we got to Beth's new house at about 2:30. Beth gave me the tour of her new house and it is terribly, terribly cute. Completely adorable. After Beth left for work, Laurie and I got started on the "fun cleaning," putting in shelf paper in the kitchen. I know this sounds easy but it really wasn't. Other than a lunch break (at Wong's, quite possibly the best chicken chow mein ever, well, outside of David Fongs (which I've only had once but have been craving for years)), we pretty much didn't stop (well, okay, I did take a break or two). It was interesting watching Laurie climb all over the counters and contort herself to get into the lower shelves. I wish I would have remembered to take pictures. I was in charge of cutting the shelf paper. Yeah, maybe not such a good idea because I am measuring challenged and also have a slight problem cutting (let alone walking) in a straight line. Eventually I got the hang of it. At about 9:30, Laurie and I finished the kitchen and thought about doing the linen closet. Common sense won over though and we left.

Sunday, people started arriving at around 11:00. First it was Beth's dad Terry, Laurie and one of Beth's employees, Jennifer. We started hauling boxes and it was soon established that I should not walk down the stairs because a) I am terrified of the stairs, b) it hurts (left knee has arthritis, right heel has foot spur) and c) walking down the stairs requires walking back up the stairs and that results in asthma outbreaks. Wow! I'm useful to have around on a move. But I was able to carry boxes to the top of the stairs at least.

A little while later, Liz and James showed up and so did Sarah, Nicole (another one of Beth's employees) and Nicole's 4 year old son Timmy. Then Scott, Laurie's boyfriend, Dave, Sandy (Scott's brother, sister-in-law) and their daughter (whose name I forgot) were there. Somehow I ended up being in charge of Timmy, distracting him so his mom could help move stuff and also keeping him out of the way.

Other than being told that Dana Marie Vittum was a silly name, Timmy and I got along fabulously. We sat in the chairs in the living room while people moved things around us, pretending we were fishing. Sarah walked by with the smart-ass comment "Fishing? Yeah? Well, keep her a way from fish hooks."

As we were fishing, Timmy protected me from an "ark" that had bit my leg clear off. But Timmy "ixed" it. Timmy has a slight problem pronouncing the first letter of words which led to me saying "Cat food?" and being told by Sarah that he meant harpoon. Yes. Because they sound so much alike.

Timmy also caught two dolphins for me, one a baby and to which I said "I will hug him and kiss him and call him George." The shark was put in a cage.

DM: Should we go jump the shark?
Timmy: Yes!
DM: Okay, let's go. Vroom.
Timmy: Vroom.
DM: Yes! We jumped the shark.
Beth: Laughter.

We also saved Beth's stuffed penguin from the sharks as well. Later, after the chairs were taken away and Timmy was following Beth around, I took him outside. We sat on the concrete outside of her apartment and were using our jet boat to travel to Colorado. I'm not sure what is in Colorado but Timmy suggested it.

DM: Should I drive?
Timmy: Yes.
DM: I don't have a driver's license.
Timmy: Oh. Here you go. I've made you one.

He hands me an imaginary license.

DM: Thank you.
Timmy: Now make me one.
DM: Okay.

I hand him an imaginary license.

Liz is climbing out of the truck.

DM: Liz! I have a driver's license.

The look Liz gets on her face is well, stunned. The best description? Deer caught in the headlights.

Liz: Really?
DM: Yes. Timmy gave it to me.
Liz: I was wondering about that. I was worried it was from the state.

Later, Timmy and I put on our imaginary pajamas (penguins for me, Power Rangers for him. I wouldn't normally choose penguin pajamas but who am I to argue with a small child?) and took a nap on the boat.

James: What are you doing?
DM: We're wearing our pajamas. Mine are penguins. Timmy's are Power Rangers.
James (To Timmy): You know I kick penguins (He pretended to kick the stuffed penguin earlier). Now I'll have to kick her.

DM: You're going to kick me? Gasp.
Timmy: Dump the arks on him!
DM: Okay.

Timmy hands me the shoe box he became fascinated with and asked his mom if he could take it home (it soon became the ark cage). I take the box and pretend to dump the sharks on James' head.

DM: Look. The sharks are biting his ears.
Timmy: They're biting his hair!

Later, at Beth's house, I took Timmy out to the back yard after he was wandering around talking to every one. This way, since the path through Beth's living room was ever shrinking, it would make sure that he did not get smooshed. In the back yard, he showed me his robot dog and how he was living in the box with the sharks.

Timmy almost (operative word almost) made me regret my choice to not have children. He was adorable and funny and seriously, seriously cute. I am sure he is not like this all the time. As he was leaving with his mother and after he had told me he would miss me and then came running back to hug me goodbye, I almost told Nicole that, if she ever needed a babysitter, she should call me. And then I came to my senses.

Keem wasn't able to participate in the move because she went home to LaCrosse for the weekend. She got back into town later in the afternoon and was sitting in the back yard with Beth and myself after everyone else went home (this was an amazingly quick move. But Beth had a huge amount of people helping her (and taking my share of the load. Although I was able to do more than when she moved into her apartment. Then I got to hold the door because I started up with the heat stroke again. I am a wimp)).

Beth: I bought a new wireless router. The guy said the difference was that it was stronger and then I could sit in the back yard and be online.

Keem: I could also sit out here with you on my laptop.
DM: I don't have a laptop.
Beth and Keem (this was back and forth and I don't remember who said what): We could get her a piece of cardboard. And draw a keyboard on it with qwerty. And then she could pretend she was typing.

DM: Uh, yeah, I think I'd read instead. Thanks.

For whatever reason, the top of my right foot decided to start cramping. Beth suggested I get up and walk around and I did. For awhile I was fascinated by the two squirrels that were chasing each other around one of her non-pine trees and then leaping to the pine tree. And there were also birds that I was watching. Eventually, though, I decided to head back to sit with Beth and Keem. It is then that I saw it.

I'm kind of allergic to pine. Because there's mold on pine. So you would think that when I saw the really cool pinecone that wasn't really a pinecone but looked like a pinecone thing on the tree that I would just say "Oh, cool" and walk away. Nope. Not this girl.

I pull the branch down to look at the above mentioned pineconey thing. A strange green substance, almost like smoke, comes drifting down towards my face.

DM: Cool!
Keem: That's pinecone pollen. The tree is germinating. That's how it does it.

Keem knows everything.

DM: Weird.
Beth and Keem: Do it again.
DM: Okay.

I do. More green smoke-like stuff drifts down on my face, I inhale it. You know, because I'm brilliant.

Keem: Um, Dana, I just thought about this. You're allergic to pine.
DM: Oh, crap.

By the time we left Beth's, I was starting to get a headache. By the time we got home, I was starting to wheeze. I popped two Benadryls and then was supposed to get in the shower but was reading my new book (my previous new book (Queen of Babble in the Big City by Meg Cabot)).

Keem: Dana! Stop reading and get in the shower!
DM: I am.

15 minutes later.

Keem: Dana!
DM: Okay.

I was still wheezing a little bit this morning but nothing major. At least I didn't break into hives or throw up or anything like that.

And my computer is fixed (well, obviously since I have sent this via email). Once my computer was fixed, I was able to start working (most relaxing Monday morning ever since it took until after 10 for it to be fixed. An hour and half of reading. Woo-hoo!).

Hope you all had a great weekend!

Blazing Saddles - Harvey Korman

2008-05-30T14:30:00.001-06:00

Rest in peace, Harvey. You were the best.

F is for Fame and Faith

2008-05-27T14:22:00.001-06:00

I ended up going home early on Friday because I wasn't feeling good. Went to bed and slept until after 5 before Keem called me on her way home to LaCrosse. Sleeping that late wreaked havoc on my sleep schedule and I found myself with a lot of time to kill. I mean, yeah, sure, I could have cleaned or done something productive but that's boring. Instead I decided to watch a ton of movies.

There’s this website that Keem and I go to a lot, www.pogo.com. You can play games there and also chat with people if you want. Keem and I are not chatters but there is a feature called private chat where you can be in a “room” with someone else and talk. Sometimes Keem and I will do this when we are not even 2 feet away from each other. She finds it funny and will tell me she can’t hear me if I say something to her. Instead I have to type it. It also works as a way for us to communicate when we’re not in the same room. When we were staying at the Ramada and I was in the lobby playing on the computer, we could talk to each other without my having to walk up to our room or for her to come downstairs to tell me she and her mom were going to eat and what did I want on my pizza?

Anyway, if Keem’s not around or even when she is, we will put something on television as background noise – something to watch sort of out of the corner of our eye (this also works for scrapbooking. Warning, do not put in Clue. You will find yourself watching the entire thing, even if you have seen it a 100 times).

Keem and I subscribe to Comcast for phone, internet and cable. Do I need to have cable? No, probably not. Do I love it madly? Yes. Very much so. One of the most beloved features is the ability to have free movies on demand. I scrolled through the comedy section Friday night and found Groundhog Day (never seen it but both Beth and Keem have told me I'd like it). I enjoyed it a lot and finally, after all these years, figured out who James reminds me of. Oddly enough he has a lot of Bill Murray's mannerisms. How weird is that?

I also watched Cry Baby with Johnny Depp. I don't know what it is about this movie but it makes me laugh hysterically. I love a good musical and watching Johnny Depp gyrate across the screen amused the heck out of me.

I was supposed to go to a cookout this weekend but decided against it since I still wasn't feeling well on Sunday. Why not watch some more movies? Okay, don't mind if I do. Cannot remember what I watched and it probably doesn't matter that much.

Monday was another day for movies. I've started another cross stitch project, this huge gardening thing that I liked because it had an orange tree in the middle of it. I got it on clearance years ago. I spent the weekend separating the floss because it had to have a ton of different colors, of course. When I finally had the colors separated, I wanted something to watch so I could concentrate on the stitching and I remembered seeing Jesus Christ Superstar in the musical section.

I know I've written about being in this play back when I was 16. It was a great experience and I miss acting so much. I miss singing as well, stupid Chalet and their "We don't need to have karaoke on Sunday nights" mentality. Grr. I could sing on Thursdays, I guess, but it's not the same.

And now for what this section of the Encyclopedia of Dee Em is all about.

F is for Fame and Faith

Fame. I wanna live forever. Light of the sky like a flame. I'm gonna something or another. People will remember my name.

I bet you would be surprised to know that I am famous somewhere else besides my mind. Yes. That's it; your beloved Queen of the Universe is an actual published writer. Ever heard of poetry.com? I entered one of my poems into their competition and, while I didn't win, got the opportunity to purchase a gigantic book with my poem in it! Wow! Only 50 bucks (or something like that). I did actually go ahead and purchase the book. I figured what the heck, right? Someday I might actually find it and put it on my coffee table.

I always thought that someday I would be famous, more than expensive coffee table book famous. I wasn't sure what it was going to be for but it would be cool. There has only been one time in my life that I did experience the "Hey, aren't you…" moment and it was pretty awesome.

During my church's (Saint Andrews Lutheran Church, Mahtomedi, MN) production of Jesus Christ Superstar, it was decided to copy one of the more pivotal moments in the film when Pilate plunges his hands into a glass bowl of water and the water turns into blood. On this particular night, the man playing Pilate (I'm not sure but I think I remember his name as Bela and he was Hungarian?) does the same thing but the blood capsule floating in the bowl decided not to pop this time.

Imagine, if you will, the thundering “Die if you want, you innocent puppet!” fading as Bela squeezes and squeezes, waiting for the water to turn red. Nothing happens for one of the longest moments ever. I remember sitting on the stage in my role as people egging Pilate into crucifying Jesus, staring up at Bela. He finally uses all of his force and the capsule explodes.

Not only does the water turn bloody but there are blood spatters all over the stage. And on me. There is a large spot of blood on my hand. I remember staring at it, stunned, shocked and horrified. I don’t know for sure what the expression on my face was, something akin to Lady MacBeth’s, I’m sure, but it was noticed in the audience.

Some woman, sitting next to my father, turned to her kid and said “Look. Look at that girl. Do you see her face? Now that is an actress.”

My dad proudly leaned over and said “That’s my daughter.”

A few days later, I was walking somewhere (the church? The neighborhood store that my sister and I still call Jerry’s even though it has changed ownership many, many times and is now for lease again? No clue) and this woman stopped me. Now this was 1983 or 1984 so I thought nothing about stopping. I am glad I did.

Unknown Woman (UW): Excuse me. Weren’t you in Jesus Christ Superstar?
DM: Yes, I was.
UW: I thought so. I saw you. I just had to say you were wonderful. The whole play was excellent but I really thought you were great.

Wow. My heart swelled.

DM: Thank you.
UW: No. Thank you.

I didn’t have a part; I was just one of the many followers/lepers/temple defilers (the market scene. I wore a visor and believe I was supposed to be a bookie). I wasn’t Mary Magdalene or Jesus or my favorite part, Judas. I was just a member of the choir. And this woman was thanking me. It was such an amazing experience.

Watching Jesus Christ Superstar yesterday brought back that summer to me. From the first note to the last, I was overwhelmed with memories. I was singing along with the television (and remembered all of the words. I who can’t remember my name sometimes remembered every word. Not all of the notes, unfortunately. Surprised my neighbors didn’t pound on the wall).

I found tears streaming down my face while Jesus was being flogged. I watched Pilate plunge his hands in the water again and I remembered sitting on that stage, staring at the blood on my hands.

When Keem got home, we went to get lunch. She was asking me about my weekend.

DM: I watched Jesus Christ Superstar.
Keem: You mentioned that.
DM: I cried.
Keem: You did?
DM: Yeah. Jesus dies.

There are a lot of things that puzzle me about the world. I can’t watch the news or pay attention to politics because it makes me hurt. I don’t understand why, even with Bush at his lowest approval rating ever, there are still people who talk about what a great president he is. There are still people who think being at war is a good thing.

We are living in a world where I sometimes feel I have to apologize for being a Christian because there are these people who out there who think it is okay to use God as a reason to kill and to hate. Who think that someone not being the same religion or color or sexual preference is a crime and should result in death.

I guess what I am trying to say is that when I was 16 and that blood landed on my hand, everything was clear to me. That moment was brought back to me yesterday during the movie.

Jesus died for my sins. For me. Because God so loved the world that he gave his only son. There’s a scene in the movie where Ted Neeley is singing at the Garden of Gethsemane. The song is so bittersweet it makes me cry to think about it.

“God thy will is hard
But you hold every card
I will drink your cup of poison
Nail me to your cross and break me
Bleed me, beat me
Kill me, take me now
Before I change my mind.”

I have always been grateful for that. You know it had to be hard on him. Can you imagine waking up one day and knowing that this was going to be the day you died because your Father said it was time? Kind of makes you wonder why he didn’t grab Mary Magdalene and run like the wind.

I believe that everyone makes a choice and I don’t believe that we are predestined to do anything but for Jesus and Judas, I think they were set on a road that they had no choice but to follow.

When Carl Anderson is singing during Judas’s death:

“My mind is darkness now
My god I am sick
I've been used
And you knew
All the time
God I'll never ever know
Why you chose me for your crime
For your foul bloody crime
You have murdered me!
You have murdered me!”

I have always felt that Judas wasn’t the bad guy. I think he did act out of concern and was portrayed badly. So I love this movie for portraying him as someone who was trying to protect Jesus.

Anyway, that’s my two cents. I’m not sure what my point was – maybe that I like Jesus? And feel that Judas wasn’t all that bad? I guess that’s it. And that while I don’t believe in organized religion, I do believe that there’s such a thing as faith. And it is important to me. Not important in a “I must shove my beliefs down your throat” but a “Hey, this is what I feel.”

Stressed. In need of ice cream. And possibly a cat exorcist.

2008-05-22T12:16:00.001-06:00

It’s time for another bullet-point day.

I am stressed out. Seriously. I come back from vacation to two Inboxes filled with a ton of stuff to do.
My Inbox had approximately 265 emails. I was gone for a week. Although why I’m surprised, I’m not sure. I once had 50 emails when I returned to the office after a doctor’s appointment.
While I am thankful that my co-workers handled the seriously urgent items, our online resource Inbox was stuffed to the gills and about ready to explode.
And then there was the email to take one of the documents and completely redo it. That’s only taken me about 3 days to come up with the rough draft.
Add my monitorings on top of that and I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised that I was headed towards a mini breakdown last Friday.
Oh, and guess who kind of forgot to take her Effexor while on vacation? That’s right. This girl.
Well, I remembered some of the days. I figured out on Friday that, out of 16 days of May, I had probably taken 7 doses. Oops.
Which meant that, while I wasn’t crying, about ready to jump out of the nearest 27th story window, I didn’t have my usual calm in the eye of the storm demeanor.
If I had been taking my pills as I was supposed to, as I explained to Co-Worker Jessica, I would still be overwhelmed but able to deal with it better.
Which, I guess, really isn’t the best way to handle things. I’ve had anxiety attacks in the past. I really want to avoid them.
Stop clenching, chest muscles! I’m not in the mood!
Yesterday I spent all day working on the online resource Inbox. I cleaned out the majority of the stuff from the beginning of the month, dealt with the seriously urgent and some not so urgent but while I’m working on this other stuff, I might as well get the rest of it done.
I turned my back for two minutes and suddenly there were 18 new emails. ARGH!
Cleaned those out last night and today there were another 18 new emails. Someone seriously hates me.
Okay, so I know this is not a heart attack and probably is heart burn but it’s a little amusing to hear William Shatner sing “Live life like you’re going to die. Because you are going to die.” when you have chest pains.
Maybe I don’t mean amusing. Maybe I mean seriously freaky.
If my regular duties weren’t enough (why, yes, I’m back to whining about work), I’ve answering approximately 20 questions a day. And while I get that is part of my job, um, hi, people, I have work of my own to do!
And could you not argue with me about my answer when I’m on lunch? If you don’t like my answer, go ask someone else.
If all this wasn’t enough, Kari, Eric and Josh are in Las Vegas right now.
Eric’s dad Rob and his girlfriend Betty got married yesterday.
Really wish I could have been there.
Because if I was there, I would not be in charge of the demon cat.
That’s right. Sebastian’s back.
And as loud as last time.
However, he and Eddy are getting along better. This is mainly because Eddy has learned to keep to high spots. Such as the buffet this morning when Sebastian was trying to “play” with him. Or, as we call it in the Keem/Dana household – violating my baby.
He’s not as frequently loud or maybe we’re learning to sleep through it but Oh my God, is it annoying.
We are also pet-sitting 3 gerbils – Oreo, Snickers and Stinky. Guess which one my nephew named. They are highly adorable and Keem is quite fond of them.
I really, really want ice cream right now. Ice cream is relaxing.
Pringles Extreme screamin’ dill pickle chips are not relaxing. I love dill pickle chips but only Old Dutch seems to get them right.
Why can’t we get Paprika Pringles in the US? It’s not fair. Beth and I had them in Portugal and they were very, very yummy.
Yay. Chest pains were heart burn. Well, that’s a relief.
I feel better now that I’ve vented. Thanks for reading.

Look! Reason number 454 why I shouldn't talk to men

2008-05-19T11:51:00.001-06:00

This is my life.

*************************
Our heroine, DM, has just been contacted by her friend, Beth. It is Thursday night and time for karaoke. Camera focuses on DM entering the elevator. She appears tired (that's because she IS tired) as she presses the button for the 1st floor.

Camera stays on DM as she leans her head against the elevator wall. She is not paying attention to the numbers flashing on the thing that flashes the floor numbers on the elevator. Camera tightens on the number 15. DM does not notice this and starts to head out as the doors open.

On the other side of the door is an attractive man, possibly anywhere between 25 to 30. DM almost walks into him.

DM (visibly startled): Oh. Sorry.

DM steps back into the elevator.

Attractive Man (AM): That's okay.
DM: I guess I'm not used to people going out at this time of the night.

Close up on AM's watch. It is not quite midnight.

DM: But then I'm old.

There is a brief pause where it is apparent that DM is dying inside. Perhaps the words "But then I'm old" can echo throughout the elevator.

AM: Where are you going, if I may ask?
DM: The Chalet. A friend of mine is the karaoke host there. I go there every Thursday.

The elevator reaches the 1st floor. AM allows DM to exit in front of him. He smiles his brilliant smile (nice teeth!).

AM: Have a good time.
DM: Yes, you too.

The camera follows our heroine as she walks to the waiting car of her friend. She is shaking her head the entire time, dismayed over her ability to transform herself into a dork whenever talking to a member of the opposite sex.

*************************

Seriously. This actually happened. It's amazing I didn't say something about "You young kids today" or talk about "When I was your age, I used to walk to the bar 20 miles. Uphill both ways! In the snow."

I think we can pretty much guarantee that I will never ever have sex again. Well, at least if it involves talking to someone. Although, if I'd lower my standards a little bit, I'm thinking I probably could have got lucky* with the incredibly drunk man that kept wandering over to where Liz, Beth and I were talking about Beth's soon to be house. There's nothing that says sexy like having a complete stranger come up, put his arm around your shoulder and drag your head down until you are inches away from his armpit.

*And when I say lucky, I mean the exact opposite of lucky. Which I guess would be unlucky but that just doesn't seem strong enough of a word.

Pictures, Trip Details and Reason 453 why I should never be allowed to talk to men ever

2008-05-13T16:42:00.002-06:00

I think if you were to type 453 in the little search area on the top of the page, you would come up with a lot of hits. I don't know where this number came from but I've been using it for years, starting with the amount of pamphlets my mother brought home from the doctor when I was a teenager (quit smoking, don't have sex, don't ever do anything enjoyable ever because it's bad for you). I know this is going to come as a shock to you all but sometimes, every once in awhile, I exaggerate. Just a little.*

*Co-worker Christy would be rolling her eyes right now over that statement. I do love her so. Even though she is my exact opposite in many ways, my adoration for her is such that I tolerate her using the word "obvi" as an abbreviation for "obviously" (but only because she says it in a completely sarcastic, snotty way and it's funny) and actually walked into a Coach store. I know! Me! I who can't even imagine paying more than $20 for a purse and have resorted to putting my fingers in my ears (and also saying lalalala) when she mentions what she paid for a pair of shoes. I don't get designer fashion. But she does and I thought it would be cool to say "hey, I was thinking of you on my vacation." And I even ending up buying something for the both of us (cell phone charms. Although, since I don't have a cell phone, mine will go on Zoe (my camera)) because it was reasonably priced. I did resist the really cute key chain that was $50. I love key chains with a passion but had to pass it by. No one needs a $50 key chain. Especally someone who doesn't drive.

Anyway, I went back to work today and boy was it ever fun. No, not really. It wasn't horrible but it was the first day back after vacation and that's never something you really want to do. Last night I was trying to convince Keem we should tell Cheryl the car broke down and we were stranded in Wisconsin but then interrupted myself to say "No, that wouldn't work. Let's face it, Cheryl would just come and get us." And then we agreed that she's the best manager ever because she would do exactly that if we were in trouble. I told Cheryl that this morning and she laughed at me but was also pleased by the description.

Oh, I was going to say why I can't talk to men anymore. That would be because I, in another display of verbal diarrhea, decided to have the following conversation with Co-Worker Rykken.

DM: You did something different.

My eyes are narrowed and staring at his hair.

Rykken: I decided to brush it this way (indicates his left. Or right. He was facing me and it was my right so that would be his left? Right? I think?) this morning. Nothing else has changed.
DM: You need to let it grow again. And also grow the beard back.
Rykken: September isn't that far away.
DM: September? You can't make me wait until September!

Later. We have somehow got back on the beard topic again.

DM: You should grow the beard back.
Someone: But it's hot and humid, Dana. Too hot for the beard.
Co-Worker Beau: He should have the beard.
DM: That guy on "Lost" has the beard when it's hot!
Rykken: Who?
Beau: Maybe it's fake.
DM: Sawyer. Josh Holloway. No, it isn't. I read the article and he said he shaves it every hiatus and his wife says "Ooh,who are you?"
Rykken: That's just stubble.
DM: I would be accepting of stubble.
Rykken: Stubble isn't appropriate for work.
DM: Dang it! I have very specific criteria for my eye candy and you are failing!
Rykken: Eye candy? I've never been called eye candy before.
DM: Oh dear God, that was probably not appropriate for work.

And then I hid for the rest of the day until we forgot all about it.

Speaking of not appropriate for work, I made Beau the coolest thing this week. It was so easy and fun and it is the first cross stitch thing I have done that has not taken me years and caused me so much frustration that I set it aside and forgot all about it (sorry about that, Beth and Diana. Although, Diana, I did find the one I started for you last month when I was cleaning my room. Of course, now I can't find it again. And I was pretty much done. Except for the French knots. I hate French knots. They are evil and mean).

I found it on the Subversive Cross Stitch website and it was the easiest thing ever. No half stitches, no daisy stitches, just simple and cute and fun. I love to cross stitch but get cranky when I can't get it to work properly (I may have mentioned the French knots) or I screw up. But this was so simple that I even smiled when I realized I had put a heart in the wrong place and had to redo the whole thing. I smiled! Because I enjoyed it. I've already started stitching another one for old roommate Jeff because I think he'll get a kick out of it as well. And then it is back to the website for the Bite Me one. And then the WTF? Keem wants me to make the Happy Fucking Holidays quartet for next Christmas.

The creator, Julie, wrote on her instructions to enjoy the thrill of stitching snarky messages where people would least expect them. And she was so right!

Okay, now for some trip pictures:

There was a Cheese Shop across the street from the Ramada. On the 2nd floor, there were some clothes and hats. Including the CHICKEN! hat. Keem and I had to wear the hat for proof of the oddness. No, we did not buy the hat.

I took Hippo on the trip with me. After a long day out, we came home to find the room cleaned and Hippo awaiting on top of the bed. I loved staying at the Ramada.

Here is one of the pictures from the Mustard Museum. I love this type of print and so was pleased to capture it!

Look. It is a tractor. I am fascinated with farms. I don't know why.

This picture turned out much better than I thought it would. It's a turkey vulture.

This is one of the many cool rock sculptures on the Wisconsin River. This is called the Ink Pot.

This is the dam for the Wisconsin River. One of 27? Something like that. The Wisconsin is known as the hardest working river.

Keem's mom Kathy in the Witch's Gulch.

This was not from my vacation, it was on a trip to the happy place (casino) outside of Hastings. As you know, my cat's name is Eddy. I figure this will make a good scrapbook title for when I finally finish my Portugal album.

In LaCrosse, we drove by the River Walk or River View or something River. There was a prom. I love taking pictures of random people.

We went to the Isle of Capri on our first weekend in LaCrosse. It's a River Boat Casino in Marquette, Iowa. This is the city hall in Marquette. I thought it was cute. The 2nd picture was taken from the boat and is of a flag and bridge.

Here is a picture from the Minnesota Zoo. It is Katie, Jamie, Keem and me. And my new glasses!

It is irritating that Keem is always much more photogenic than me.

There will be more pictures to come. I only loaded these because I could actually figure out what they were when trying to load. I'm going to have to play around with the others.

Perhaps I am insane

2008-05-07T20:05:00.003-06:00

Or I'm not hearing things and the piped in music in the Ramada Inn lobby is actually some jazzy version of "The Little Drummer Boy."

Seriously. I just had to check the date. It is May 7th. Christmas is not for many, many months. Who plays Christmas music in May?

And then, I swear to all that is Holy (such as the night), it then turned into this jazzy rendition of "At Last." WTF? Are you kidding me? Not that it wasn't good but it was a duet. Very strange.

I also got to hear a conversation between some English guy and the male clerk at the front desk about how the English guy usually scores pretty well because he's English. Apparently we foolish American women are turned on by an accent and overlook the fact that he a) is married and b) seems to have no personality. Apparently both he and male clerk are on their 3rd wives. Male clerk looks to be about 35. Also, English guy got married for the 1st time when he was 16. Apparently that's legal in England.

In case you are wondering, the lobby has computers with free internet so I can catch up on my blogs and email. And eavesdrop on interesting conversations between the clerk and random people. The Ramada Inn, by the way, features a Belgium waffle breakfast. I've heard that approximately 6 times. I have also heard "Rockin' Robin" and "Little Bitty Pretty One" twice within the last hour so apparently the music played here is odder than I thought.

The vacation is going well. On Friday Keem and I went to the zoo (the Minnesota Zoo, it's bigger than the Como Zoo in Saint Paul but the Como Zoo will always be my favorite) and the worst Mexican restaurant in the world (Tequila's in LaCrosse with Keem's mom Kathy and her niece Kylee (a mini version of Keem - silly and sarcastic. At the age of 9. I thought sarcasm wasn't something you learned until you were a teenager)).

We spent two nights in LaCrosse and went to visit my favorite store in the world, Shopko. I don't know why Shopko is my favorite. I have loved it ever since I lived in Madison, many, many years ago. Perhaps because it was cheap but also had cool stuff. Saturday, Keem, Kathy and I drove to Marquette, Iowa to the Isle of Capri (a river boat casino. Not as exciting as I thought but I did manage to walk out with money left in my pocket and only lost 5 dollars. In my book, that counts as winning). The drive was very pretty and I have many pictures.

Keem, Kathy and I drove to Wisconsin Dells on Sunday (after I called my sister and wished her a happy Mother's Day. And then everyone laughed at me because apparently Mother's Day is this Sunday, not last Sunday). We stayed at the Ho-Chunk Casino because Keem and I stayed there last year and enjoyed it. The hotel is very nice. We decided to only stay there for two days because it is expensive and also, the temptation to gamble is removed if you're not actually staying in the casino.

On Monday, we took the upper Dells boat trip. Very fun, would have been better if not for the two screaming little girls that sat in front of us. Apparently they were tired, which you would think the parents would notice before taking the kids on a two hour boat ride. After awhile, you could just turn them out and they did stop the screaming for most of the trip. Their older brother was a perfect angel during the entire trip and amused me greatly when he turned to his dad and asked "Can't we just throw them off the boat?" His dad responded with "I think I'm going to jump off the boat."

Keem and I got rather sunburned so we decided to take another boat trip the other day and compound the sunburn. This was on the lower Dells and was only an hour.

Today was kind of rainy. Kathy left earlier this morning and it is now just Keem and I. So we decided to go to the movies. We saw "Made of Honor" with Patrick Dempsey (I've liked him ever since "Can't Buy Me Love" and "Lover Boy" and that other one he was in where he was a pizza delivery boy who began to supplement his income by providing other services besides pizza (can't remember the name, too tired to go to IMDB) and "Iron Man" with Robert Downey Jr.

Liked them both. For different reasons, of course. "Made of Honor" was cute, funny and had some gorgeous scenery (parts of it is filmed in the UK). "Iron Man" had things that blew up, an awesome plane chase and Robert Downey Jr.

Tomorrow we are off to Mount Horeb for the second annual visit to the Mustard Museum. So looking forward to that. NPW, not sure if they have post cards but if they do, you will receive one. If not, I'll find another one for you somewhere.

Pictures when we get home. Have a great week, guys!

This is it

2008-05-01T14:25:00.001-06:00

For some reason, I have the theme song for One Day at a Time in my head and that's how it starts so that's what I'm titling this post.

Anyway, posting and commenting will be intermittent for the next eleven days (11! Count them! It is awesome). Tomorrow starts the "2nd annual Keem and Dana go drive around Wisconsin aimlessly" road trip. We have a better idea of where we're going this year, last year we planned our trip by going to the Rest Top at the Wisconsin border and grabbing brochures of whatever sounds good.

Our plans include going to the Minnesota Zoo with our friends Katie and Jamie (you may remember him as my future fake husband. Although our fake marriage is off again. I'm not sure what he did but he annoyed me somehow. It might have been because he said we couldn't have a pink flamingo lawn ornament at our future home) tomorrow.

And then we are off. Off to La Crosse, to pick up Keem's mom. Then we will go to many places. I am very excited.

Some of the highlights of our trip will be visiting the Dells Mining Company, the Mustard Museum, a train museum which has an ACTUAL TRAIN that WE CAN RIDE ON! (Why, yes, I am excited & I’m not sure what the link is), and also the Flamingo hotel where I will take a picture of what might actually be the largest Pink Flamingo sign in America.

I like flamingos. They are pretty and pink and make me happy.

Hope you all have a great week or so!