I am house-sitting

I never really understood that term because, really it is not like you are actually sitting on the house. And you do other things besides sitting. You walk around and you sleep* and you eat stuff and you pet the smushy kitties and the 13 year old puppy and you enjoy the view of the gorgeous backyard (you don't actually go into the gorgeous backyard yet because secretly, Nature kind of scares you a little. But maybe later).

*I don't think it can really be called sleeping because I forgot my CPAP and Keem made me set my alarm because we are going to go and explore stuff in the neighborhood so I couldn't have my radio on all night and then I had to hit the slumber button to get music (can't sleep without it) and so I would wake up every hour when the music would stop and then sleep again for about an hour and so on. Finally I was done with it at 4:30 and I just played Alchemy obsessively. And put the clothes in the dryer. And fed the kitties and let Arthur outside (Arthur is the dog) and gave him his pill. And let Arthur back inside when he felt he had peed on Nature enough.

So anyway, the point to this post was to let you know that I am house-sitting for Keem's friends Bob and Paul (well, technically she's doing it, I'm just along for the ride) while they are out camping (scary Nature lovers) and I created a song about the smushy kitties. That I have decided to share with you. The smushy kitties are named Butch and Sissy, they are brother and sister. Butch is a fraidy cat. Sissy is the brave one. It's kind of funny, when you think about it.

Anyway, without further ado, my smushy kitty song.

Smushy faced kitties!!!!
I love the smushy faced kitties!
They are cute!
Sometimes they cuddle with me!
Smushy faced, smushy faced kitties!!!!*

*The last note of kitties is held for a really long time and is completely off key. Because that's how I roll. Plus it makes Keem laugh and call me a dork.

I hope you enjoyed this morning's Song Styles by Dana. I'll be here all weekend. Enjoy the pork. Do not eat the kitties!

Work, work, work

Well, I didn't get the position. I finally found out yesterday. I was told that the only reason I didn't get it was because I didn't have as much experience as the person they hired. Since we just found out the person who did get the job is the manager of the Lost Securities department, I guess I really can't complain that much.

It's super busy here at work. It's not tax season so if you imagine I am less than thrilled about this, you'd be right about that.

I am very behind on blogging, the reading and writing of...if I haven't been by, sorry. No time.

Right now there's 65 people holding. This is an improvement. That thudding sound you hear? Me pounding my head on my desk. Hope you're all doing well.

The most common "funny" response we get here when we ask "Is there anything else I can help with?" is "How about the winning Lotto numbers?" Anyone know what they might be? I'd like to retire now.

Okay, enough complaining. Have a great day. I might have actual funny stuff to write about soon.

Happy 5th!

No, I am not leaving NABABNA. I interviewed for another position within the company, one that works more directly with the companies that we are agent for. There's research involved & working with other departments. It's the other spectrum of what I do now.

Yesterday Keem and I had off of work so the day was spent lounging around the apartment doing nothing. Well, okay, we did more than nothing. I actually did clean the kitchen (I know! Amazing! But Keem bribed me with computer time) and made supper (corn dogs. Very complicated. Although I was amused by the label. Apparently what we ate last night was a batter covered hot dog on a stick made from pork and turkey. Here I always thought the stick was made out of wood. Silly me). I also watched several episodes of "What Not To Wear" and played with beads (I've been making necklaces and anklets. I haven't worn any yet, of course, because I keep forgetting about them or none of the necklaces match what I want to wear that day. I really want to learn more about this because I would love to try and create a necklace I saw years ago, a replica of a flapper's necklace that was multi-colored beads on a long strand. It was only 20 dollars and I still keep kicking myself for not buying it).

The fireworks started going off around 10:15 and the lovely thing about our apartment is that, because we're on the 27th floor, we can see the fireworks for approximately 7-10 cities. They were quite pretty and I wish I would have been able to get a good picture of them, it would have been a lovely panoramic view. Eddy was seated on his cat tower, staring out the window at the fireworks. It's quite funny to watch his reactions to certain things. For example, he loves the spiders that hang out on our window* (which is completely gross and I wish they would go away) and will paw at them, trying to reach them through the window. He also will watch television with us, sometimes. He'll be on the couch and stare at the television. Mainly just cooking shows but he did enjoy a nature program about dolphins and whales once.

*The spiders are all on all of the floors. The 3rd floor laundry room windows will be covered completely with their webs. It is so disgusting. But the other day, the coolest thing happened. I was on the computer and I caught this fluttering out of the corner of my eye. Here this bird had swooped down and was treading air until he grabbed one of the spiders. It was awesome to watch. I wish he'd come back and get the rest of them.

Hope you all had a good 4th. I should know more about the job either tomorrow or next week. If I get it, great, if not, I'll be okay - I still like what I'm doing now.

Karaoke Rage & everything else that is going on

Okay, so I spent the weekend over at my sister's. She picked me up on Friday and we went & purchased me a very nice interview outfit. It was the first outfit she picked out but I had to try on the other 3 she chose, two which were 3 piece suits. I demonstrate the suit for her & her question is "What do you think?" My words "Football player. In drag." My shoulders were HUGE! Scary. The 3rd outfit was a dress that looked okay but was one of those layered dresses that looks like a two piece but is actually attached together. I had to ask Kari to help me get out of the dress. Obviously Keem is not going to assist me in getting undressed (this is something only a sister will do) so we said no.

The last outfit was an ankle-length skirt, loose and flowy (which I love) and a print blouse that was low cut enough that I didn't feel like I was choking to death and was actually flattering. I did not think "Oh my God, you huge cow" when I looked in the mirror. This is an important requirement for clothing.

We then journeyed to her house where I got to meet Keith, a friend of Eric's that has been staying with them because he needed to go to the VA for tests a month ago. Eric has been putting off driving Keith back to Iowa and so Keith has been staying in the breezeway (my future home if I ever end up having to live with my sister again) and fixing things around the house.

Keith and I started watching "Blood Diamond" a movie I would never think to watch on my own because it has a) Leonardo DiCaprio in it and b) is bloody and awful and people die and I hate that. I didn't finish the movie, choosing instead to play Mah Jong Quest on the computer but Eric told me how it ended, doing the accents for Leonardo and the other main guy while he did (he's not bad, actually, I never would have thought my brother-in-law could do a South African accent but this is apparently one of his talents). Beth, you would like this movie for the reason you did not like the Count of...sorry, the Man in the Iron Mask.

It was a weird weekend, all I'm going to say about it is that I did end up consoling Kari while she cried over a bad fight and I'm worried about the relationship. I also ended up missing karaoke so I could be with Kari during a difficult time. I am hoping that everything rights itself - I love that family together and when they are at their best, they are what I hope for in a marriage. When they're not, though, I am glad I am still single. Enough about that.

****

Oh, I got my hair cut as well. As I was standing in my bathroom this morning, brushing my hair, I had the following conversation with Keem.

DM: Oh my God, I am freakin' adorable.
Keem: Whatever.

Yes, I am quite modest.

****

Beth and I went to karaoke on Thursday. It was an interesting night, as evidenced in my last post. Apparently the lack of Effexor was having an adverse effect on my last nerve, which had been frayed years before. I am not known for my patience but I can usually keep from wanting to kill everyone I encounter. Usually. But this is not one of those nights. It is probably a good idea that I don't like guns and feel the need to carry one around.

First of all, Beth finds a table for us while I get our beverages (Coke no ice for Beth, water lots of ice for me). I join her. We start catching up. Various people come over to chat with us. This is okay. One of them is Stubes, one is Sexy Craig. Suddenly a hoarde of people descends upon our table. They start sitting at our table. Do we know any of them? Not really.

DM: Have you ever wanted to just pretend you are crazy and start trying to get the crazy bugs off of you in order to get people to leave your table?
B (looks around): Tonight.

Later.

DM: Oh, Beth, the crazy bugs are crawling all over me. Get them off. Get them off.
B: That is the worst crazy act I have ever seen.
DM: Yeah. I'm better at faking asthma attacks.

Beth does start talking to an invisible person in the chair next to her. It doesn't phase any of our univited guests.

And then the singing starts. Or, I should say, the really bad singing starts. I do not have a fork. I start clutching my hands together, digging the fingernails into my skin. After the 3rd or 4th horrible song of the evening, Beth did tell me to stop. I'm not sure if it was the fingernails or the weird faces of anger I'm sure I was making that worried her. I do have to remember to take my Effexor. It's a nice buffer between me and those other people who dare to inhabit my world. Unlike Beth and Keem and everyone else I like who are welcome (if you're reading this, you're welcome).

****

It takes a special sort of person to sing "Summer Nights." Unfortunately neither of the people on stage come close to that specialness. Believe me when I say that Beth stared up at the stage and says "I'm going to kill you" that she is completely justified.

Here's an example. At the end of the song, the guy singing ends his song like this. "Oh. Those. Summer. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhtttttttttttss." He has just sung this like William Shatner meets Wing. Please, please shoot him. Or me. I really don't care.

Have you heard of Wing? She is apparently an Internet singing sensation. On Saturday night, Beth was searching Rhapsody for really bad covers of songs. We found several but none of them prepared us for Wing. She is from Hong Kong & emigrated to New Zealand. She "sings" (and I am using that term loosely) Elvis, ACDC & Abba, songs you love. Until you hear your version. Go here. Listen. There are samples!

Here's an example. "Lushee in the scky wi dimonds (repeated)." Then there was the random high pitched "Ahhhhh" that was a note I've never heard before. The best part was Beth's reaction. Not so much the hysterical laughter but the suspense. Will she fall out of her chair? Will she knock over the computer? Will she make me start snorting with laughter? No, no, yes.

****

Some guy has actually started singing "Funky Comedina (or Cold Medina or whatever the heck it is. I don't care enough to Google it)". He is also wearing a beret. The only man who should sing this song is Ton Loc. He is not here.

****

Our table has been invaded by young people in their early 20's. Somehow they just thought "Hey! Let's just sit at this random table. That'll be cool. And then we'll giggle & squeal & make out with random guys & get very annoying. Yay!"

Let me put it this way. I'm not sure if what is rising in my throat is acid reflux or pure rage. I guess we'll know for sure when I climb the nearest clock tower with either antacid or an AK-47.

****

At the end of the evening, this woman came up and asked if she could use my lighter. It was very loud so I didn't really catch a lot of what she said. I later asked Beth for a translation.

DM (written): I know my hearing is bad but I only understood one out of every 8 words she said.
B (written): She first asked for your lighter. Then she asked why you don't sing because you have a good voice (You good singer) and asked why you don't sing on Thursday. Then she said she sucks it up but you're a good singer.

What's your name (she couldn't get my name. No one can, especially when they are drunk)?

She's the one who sang "Summer Niiiiiiiights."

****

I tell you, sometimes I wonder why I go to karaoke. Then I remember. It's not for the horrible singing or the incredibly drunken people. It's for the catching up with my friends that happens after karaoke. And the blogging material, of course.