Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I can't take the pressure anymore! - updated*

*Joe, you can't give me crap about updating the same post because it was done the same day. So there. *Sticks tongue out in a mature and adult like manner*

Okay, okay, I get the message. You want to know what happened at karaoke on Sunday night. Well, I'd be happy to help you with that (and this helps indulge me with the thinking about everything that was said and gosh, he's cute and so funny and my God, I am such a dork) but first I must tell you about Thanksgiving night.

Conversation had on Thursday with Rob (Eric's father).

R: Who goes to karaoke on Thanksgiving?
DM: Me. I am a true karaoke junkie.

Again, pictures of Thanksgiving night are here on Beth's blog. They are mainly about Reverend James (not to be confused with James) and his fiance Marion. Are they not adorable together? I consider their group to be the Thursday night cool table and it is just expected now that we will join them or they will join us if we get there first.

Creepy beret wearing guy was there*. This is the guy I mentioned that would walk by and rub my shoulder and went out of his way to touch every woman that was sitting at our table on Halloween karaoke night. I made a remark to Reverend James about this and we started this joking conversation about how my shoulders could drive men wild with passion. He encouraged me to flash a little bit of shoulder to the Chalet. I would do that at random times and he would pretend to be driven mad with passion. It was fun.

*Actually I don't think he's worn a beret before but there is a song on the soundtrack from King of the Hill where all of the characters are talking and Hank Hill says something about "Never trust a man who wears a beret." This is the 2nd guy we've seen at the Chalet wearing a beret and both of them are creepy. We were telling Reverend James (okay, I'm not going to continue referring to him as Reverend James. And calling him James is just confusing. So he has now been dubbed R James) about the first creepy beret guy and how he would refer to Beth as Elizabeth and stroke his moustache while he was staring at her chest. First of all, her name is not Elizabeth, it is legally Beth and second of all, dude, the moustache thing? That's just weird. Knock it off. The other thing that was annoying was the fake Scottish accent he used. Probably thinking that it might up his chances of getting laid because everyone knows that all you have to do is have a cute accent and women will fall at your feet.

It was pretty slow on Thursday but a lot of fun. Joe Funko came up with his wife. She normally starts work very early during the week and we've never met her. She is very nice and it was fun to watch the interaction between her and Joe. I had asked her "So, are you Mrs. Funko?" and she laughed and said "I guess so."

At one point, Beth and I had a conversation about how we now know lots of straight men (used to be that all of our male friends were gay) so why are we still single? Wasn't it their duty to set us up with other men? Isn't that their job? I turned and smacked R James on the arm.

RJ: Ow! What was that for?
DM: You're a man.
RJ: Yes.
DM: So why are Beth and I still single? Why aren't you setting us up with your friends?
RJ: You know all of my friends. You've met them. They're here on Thursdays.
DM: Oh. Yeah.

I turn to Beth.

DM: Well, I suppose you can always date Donny.
B: Who?
DM: You know. He sang "Beth" last week. He could sing "Beth" to you all the time.
B: Ah, no thanks.

Actually, I'm pretty sure all of R James and Marion's friends are either married or engaged so I suppose we can't blame him too much for our singlehood. But we seriously are going to need to have a talk with Bryan, Key, Benny and Andrew. They are neglecting us.

Liz and James came up later and, as always, Beth and I really enjoyed our conversation with them. It is surprising for me to look back at old posts and realize that a year ago, we were referring to them as "The Cool Table" and now we consider them our friends.

Okay. Now it is time for Sunday night.

As usual, Beth called me to wake me up. I had already showered and getting ready should have been a piece of cake but no, it was not. When I finally got down to the car, I explained to Beth that I had problems deciding what shirt to wear. One shirt I had worn on Thursday, one shirt exposed too much of my gut, another shirt looked better when I wore it with a skirt and I definitely did not have time to shave my legs and the fourth shirt had just been worn a week or two ago.

We arrived there later than usual so, of course, Beth just had to tell Bryan about the reason why I had been running late. I received a somewhat arch look from Bryan and the question "And why did you have to change so many times, Dana?" My response was "I'm scraping the bottom of the laundry barrel." Which is true, I only did one load of clothes this last week because I hate doing laundry. It had absolutely nothing to do with Gil. Like the fact that I had done my hair with my new curlers had nothing to do with Gil and everything to do with the fact that I want to look somewhat attractive for the world. I hope you appreciate it, world.

Okay, it's 4:30. Time to leave. It was busy today as well so I am sorry I didn't complete this. Hopefully I'll get some internet time tonight. Please don't kill me.

Ha! 9:39 and I am back! Sweet. Went to the pool and hot tub with Keem and am going to be sore tomorrow because I did water aerobics and then watched the Amazing Race with Keem so Jeff could be online.

Anyway, back to where I was. Hair/shirt (hair and shirt, not hair shirt) not because of Gil, blah blah (who is buying that anyway?), scraping the laundry barrel, etc.

I had mentioned in my last karaoke post about how Jason had said New Song Sunday should have a Weird Al Yankovich theme to it. When he arrived, we asked him to join us. This soon proved to be a mistake. It is one thing to exchange conversation across the room with another table. You can be friendly and entertaining when walking back and forth from the stage or when meeting up at the bar or even leaning over to have a brief conversation. However, when you are sitting at the same table, what once seemed like normal, goofy behavior turns out to be the result of drunken behavior.

Don't get me wrong, Jason wasn't that bad. Beth and I talked to him about his car (modeled after the car in Ghost Busters), he told us about a cable show he and his friends are putting together, we talked about his wife - all in all a nice, friendly, normal conversation. But then his friends started joining us. The guy whose name I couldn't remember is Ryan. He had the lyrics for the Weird Al songs. There really weren't any songs in my range to sing so Jason was the only one who tried a Weird Al song - You've Got the White Stuff. Which, of course, just happens to be based on a New Kids on the Block song. Great. Two Sundays in a row I have to listen to New Kids. Although I have to admit, I laughed a lot when Jason was singing this.

I guess the problem was when Nigel (fake name) showed up. We haven't seen him in a long time and I always thought he was funny and cute and really nice. Unfortunately, I ended up losing a lot of respect for him because, well, he reminded me of my ex-fiance. Likes to make fun of the handicapped (although, in his defense, I think he was just pretending to be drunk. Because, oh, yeah, that's so mature and sexy), not too bright and, although he didn't come out and say anything directly, we got the idea that he is extremely homophobic. He was also splashing beer around, always a turn on for me. On the way back to my apartment, Beth and I agreed that we were very glad that he and Angie never ended up dating (she gave him her phone number but he never called her. His loss, Steve's gain).

Anyway, despite Nigel, the evening went extremely well. I had lots of fun, my hair was bouncy, I was wearing my new bra (Chocolate colored, low cut AND also two sizes smaller than what I normally wear. Thought for sure it wasn't going to fit and I would have to buy extenders but no, it FITS, baby! That means pretty new bras for me instead of boring, plain white ones) and then Angie, Amy and Sarah all showed up. They had gone to the Big & Rich/Gretchen Wilson concert so they were all in a great mood and Beth and I both felt relieved to be able to have an adult conversation (well, I didn't ask Beth if she was relieved but I'm sure she was).

And then there was Dean and James and Matt, possibly earlier than usual? At first they weren't going to sit with us but then we made room because we like them and they must sit with us. It is a law.

Beth is evil. I hate to come out and break it to you because I know you all think she is sweet and innocent and oh so nice but she is not. Do you know what she did? Do you? She got Angie to sing "I Can't Fight This Feeling." I HATE this song (not as much as Picture but that's not the point). This stupid song is my theme song for life. Oh, yay. In order to find out what your theme song for life is, you go to this website and enter in the date of your 18th birthday. You can choose the number one song for either the UK or the USA. My theme song for life is from the USA list. However, Beth has it worse, I guess. Her theme song for life is the Macarena. She decided to try the date she graduated and that turned out to be Mmm Bop by Hanson (or the other way around. I can't remember. I'm not a detail person). As she puts it, her life has no meaning. My life just means that I am ruled by love (date of graduation is Everything She Wants by Wham, date of birth Love is Here and Now You're Gone by the Supremes). Stupid love. So we're talking about this and James asks me how we figured this out. I couldn't remember the website (because, yeah, thisdayinmusic.com is so hard to remember) but told him I would figure it out for him. His theme song for life is Sweet Child O'Mine by Guns 'N Roses. Ha. I think he should have to sing it next Sunday.

Speaking of love like, how do I do this with the Gil (which, again, stands for Guy I like) thing? Beth knows who he is and Johnny does as well, Teri does because I have emailed her and gave her clues and then she figured it out. I have become more and more obvious about relating what has happened when I see him so if he ever stumbled onto my blog, I'm sure he would figure it out. Okay, here's the deal, if you haven't been able to figure out who Gil is and you really, really want to know, email me (greenduckiesgirl AT gmail DOT com) and I will send you clues because that is more fun for me. If you have figured out who he is, please don't mention his real name in the comments because I'm trying to be somewhat secretive. But you can email me to confirm if you are right.

Anyway, here are some of the things we talked about (my mind is not a steel trap so I may be missing some things. However, we have Beth, who fortunately does normally remember stuff and will refresh our memories (my memory, your...oh, never mind. It works. Trust me)):

At one point, I had looked up at the television and recognized the movie playing.

DM: Oh. 8 Heads in a Duffle Bag.
Gil: (look of mock disdain)
DM: What? I like that movie.
Gil: No. No, you do not.

He then goes on this tirade about how some movie I have never heard of is the worst movie ever and 8 Heads in a Duffle Bag is right behind it because these movies have something to put it over the top.

Gil: And 8 Heads in a Duffle Bag has the...
Gil & DM: The 8 heads singing Mr. Sandman.
DM: (Snorts with laughter as she remembers this). That was funny.
Gil: You know what? It would be great if you just don't talk anymore tonight.

He laughs and then tells me he is kidding. My mature response is to hit him (not hard) and tell him he is a jackass. Or that he is evil. I don't remember. Beth?

Then, for some reason, I say this. Why?

DM: I am somewhat fond of you.

Liz leans forward and just looks at me. I know exactly what she is thinking. "Somewhat? Try a lot."

Man who is not Gil or Bryan: That is the best thing I have ever heard anyone say to (insert Gil's real name here).

We ended up talking about the test that Beth and I took awhile ago, about what the right religion would be for us. Mine ended up being Christianity but I have a better chance of being a Satanist than Jewish, which struck me as being odd.

DM: I don't worship Satan.
Gil: You don't have to worship me. As long as you like me.
DM: (Laughs) You know, it's odd that you said that because Satan is my fake boyfriend.
Gil: (Laughs as well) Oh?

Beth and I then explain about how I had to come up with a fake boyfriend and I said his name was Randall Flagg and Beth called Scott to ask either him or Matt to come up and save her from drunken idiots (and how is it possible that no one ever commented on this post? It is very funny).

Dean mentioned something about driving. Beth asked him if he had a car now or if he was using a friend's. It turned out to be the latter.

Gil: See? He has a driver's license.

I then tell him about Eric and his smart ass remark on Thanksgiving. Gil finds this funny. Of course. Everyone does.

Gil is going to be gone this next week and is flying to an unnamed city somewhere in the midwest that may or may not be very windy.

DM: If you die, I am not going to be pleased.
Gil: I'm sure you can just watch 8 Heads in a Duffle Bag and you'll be fine.
DM: Oh, no, I think if you died, it would take more than 8 Heads in a Duffle Bag to make it be okay.

Dramatic pause.

DM: I'd have to watch the Porky's trilogy at least.

He will be back on Sunday. Thank God. I had to go two weeks without seeing him last month and it was horrible. Why, oh, why must I be so in like? Dagnabit!

Honestly, I know that we said more to each other but mainly it was just a lot of laughing and talking and my telling him that he is evil and I like it. Or a jackass. Or both. I'm not sure. It was just nice to have his attention and have him say a couple of things that made me realize that he remembers stuff that I've said before. And he is so funny and cute and smart and did I mention the cute thing? Because he is.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Have I mentioned that I hate Mondays? Because I do.

I am working on a karaoke post to cover Thanksgiving night and also last night but I have to tell you about the auspicious start to my day.

Last night I mentioned that Keem is out of town and I would probably end up oversleeping since she wouldn't be telling me to wake up. Have I ever mentioned that sometimes I'm kind of superstitious and because of that, I should just keep my big, fat mouth shut? No? Well, I am. We have what we call the "work gods" at work and are very careful not to mention when it is slow because it then gets extremely busy. We refer to this as cursing ourselves and try to avoid it at all times.

So you just know that I'm going to oversleep, right? Yeah.

I got up when my alarm went off but decided to hit the snooze alarm. Once, twice - this worked fine. Third time, not so good. I woke up again at 8:23 (23 minutes late) with the next bus not coming until 9:21. Then I wasn't feeling good and missed the 2nd bus. I ended up taking a cab. On the plus side, the cab was probably the nicest I'd ever been in and the cab driver was not psychotic. On the minus side, it cost 15 bucks with tip and I had to ask him to go through the ATM lane because I had no cash.

Then, about forty minutes after making it to work, I look down and guess what? My shirt is inside out again. This is the 3rd time this month. Obviously I should not be allowed to dress myself.

Work was horribly busy, as you can see by the fact that there is not a karaoke post. Tomorrow? Maybe?

Just to let you know how last night went - My head is in the clouds and I want to run around hugging people tightly. There may or may not have been flirting with Gil last night. And have I mentioned how cute he is? And funny? And gosh, I like him an awful lot.

Anyway, my show is on in a few minutes so I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Yeah, I am kind of evil for just leaving you with that. Ciao!

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Karaoke & more karaoke & even more karaoke

I know, I know. I am way behind on the karaoke posts. Please see Beth's blog for her post on the last couple of times, it's mainly pictures. I swear she is just waiting for me to post so she can correct me on what I was wrong about. For example, Shawn? Yeah, he's not the drunkest man in the world, he's the drunkest man in puppet land (we had a minor disagreement about this and she had Bryan come over and tell me this. And then Marion & Reverend James both told me that this was right). Which, hello, what the hell does that mean? That makes about as much sense as, well, um, my being called Hurricane Dana. I'm actually quite glad that she corrects me. My hearing is not the greatest & sometimes I have to have people repeat things once or twice (or sometimes three times) before I get what they are saying. There have been times that I still don't know what was said but will nod and smile (usually these times are when Gil is in the vicinity & I am distracted by him).

Anyway, the last post about karaoke is here, this was Thursday night karaoke, November 17, 2005. On the following Sunday, November 20, we got there and saw Angie-Ang and Sarah. They had already pulled a table together and we laughed about how, even if it was dead, we'd probably have random strangers sitting with us. I was hungry and decided to order a taco salad. Seriously, if you're not a big karaoke fan, you should just come to the Chalet for the taco salad. It was delicious. Amy came in a little later.

It was New Song Sunday, always fun. In the spirit of the evening, some weird things were said to Bryan. In one case, Sarah was going up to sing and called Bryan "Big Papa Pump." We are just as confused as you. The other situation was when Bryan was supposed to be singing a new song and quit, claiming that it was too hard or that he didn't know it well enough or something lame like that. Angie yelled out "You booger!" Feeling that wasn't enough, she decided to add "You fucking fornicator."

Jason was there with some other people. I recognize one of them but can't think of what his name is. Jason owns a car that is modeled after the car in Ghost Busters. Because of this, Angie sang the theme song. Jason also got into the spirit of New Song Sunday and told us what he would like to do next week (tomorrow) is have us do a Weird Al Yankovich tribute. He said he would print the lyrics up and we would sing the songs from the lyrics. It would be fun to try so we'll see if he is there. It would be nice, he is very funny and not hard on the eyes.

For some reason, probably just to torture me, it was decided that "Hey, there's five New Kids on the Block songs. We should sing them all!" To say that I was less than pleased is a slight understatement. But this is what I get for being friends with people who from a different generation than me. I think I was about twenty or so when New Kids came out, the beginning of the horror known as the boy bands and I could never stand them. Rather listen to the Beatles, thanks.

Liz and James soon joined us. I think Matt might have been there but I'm not really sure. It was a great evening. Beth drove me home and we made plans for the third annual night before Thanksgiving karaoke to take place at Wild Tymes. This is the bar we had originally met Bryan and Dean at. I was given much crap over the fact that I missed last year's event by setting my alarm for 11 AM instead of 11 PM so Beth was waiting for me outside for quite a lot of time. I feel incredibly guilty about this. So I knew I had to make sure that I showed up.

We walked into the place and it was packed. Wild Tymes is set up where the karaoke area is in one part of the bar, the other area is mainly for food and drinking. The first person we saw was Denean (sp?), I hadn't seen her in two years so it was nice to see her. Although she called me Deanna. Oh, well. The next person we saw was Dean.

People I haven't seen since I left the main NABABNA center came up. There was Luke, Craig, his wife Carleen, Shawn and Patrick. When Beth and I found a table, I noticed a man and thought he looked familiar. My exact words were "I know him. Why do I know him? I know his name is Ramon. Where do I know him from?" Beth's response was "I don't know. Are you stalking him?"

When I went up to sing, he looked at me and waved. So obviously I wasn't hallucinating. I did know him. But where? Finally, Beth got frustrated with my asking myself outloud where I knew him from and waved him over. Turns out he used to work at NABABNA with me. As soon as he mentioned his supervisor, I placed him immediately. But what was even cooler was that he said, "Oh, yeah, Tiri's here." And Tiri turned around. Beth and I were both excited to see him as well. Ramon had worked days so Beth had never met him but Tiri worked a mid-shift so we both knew him.

It was very crowded and busy but we had a lot of fun singing. We only got to sing two songs each but you expect that when you are in a busy place. Neither Beth or I are prima donnas and are quite easy-going. You would be surprised at how many people in the karaoke world are high maintence and get mad at the host for imagined slights. It is kind of interesting listening to Angie and Bryan exchange horror stories.

But it is 5 PM and I need to take a brief nap and get ready for tonight. I will try to update more tomorrow if it is slow. Have a good evening!

Friday, November 25, 2005

Football & Family

Thanksgiving went quite well. As I had mentioned in my previous post, Kari had told me they were going to be picking me up early. Actually, they didn't show up until 1 PM, the time I had been told that we would be leaving the night before.

When we got to Rob and Betty's (Rob is Eric's father, Betty is Rob's girlfriend), Josh walked into the living room, saw what was on the television and said the most horrible words a child could say "Football! Football, Daddy!" He's two. That is just so very wrong. But I don't know why I was surprised. Eric is a big sports nut and Rob coaches soccer.

It was good to see Mom. I was laughing at her because of her winter coat, a very thin, sweatshirt material. The woman lived in Minnesota for all of her life except for the past four years and suddenly forgets what the weather is like here.

This is the conversation Kari and I had when she told me that she was picking me up early.

DM: Hello Kari or imposter Kari (with Mom, Eric & Kari all using the computer, it's hard to know who is who)
K: Hello Dana,
K: Are you getting ready? We are coming earlier than originally discussed.
DM: What? How early?
K: We will see you in 20 minutes. Early.
DM: What?
DM: Are you kidding me?
K: Nope.
DM: You are on crack. Seriously.
DM: I bought a pie.
K: What kind?
DM: What kind of crack are you on? I don't know. The pie is Ande's mint chocolate.

The pie was horrible. The crust was soggy, the filling was both too sweet & too rich. About the only thing that I liked was the whipped cream with the mint chocolate shavings. Fortunately Betty had made 3 pies and they were all very good (I tried a sliver of each one).

Most of the day was spent watching Josh play. He loves his SpongeBob SquarePants baseball bat and has created a new game. It involves hitting his football with the bat, either by having someone throwing it to him or golfing. I am also pleased to report that he loves to be read to and it was not uncommon to have him bring a book over & climb into someone's lap. It was a little surprising when he picked up the cookbook but Kari was game to read it to him. He got bored with it quickly.

I have a ton of pictures, of course. I am getting frustrated with my camera because it is so bulky & also not very high on the mega-pixels range. I think mine is a 3. Mom's camera was pretty cool. It's also kind of bulky but it is 5 mega-pixels & took very clear pictures. I really want a camera like Beth's or Keem's but mine will do for now. My goal is to buy a new one before Beth and I go to Italy in 2007.

On the way home, Eric was his usual funny self. Josh was saying something that to me was complete gibberish but Eric understood him completely.

DM: How do you know what he is saying?
E: You break your foot & stay home with him for 3 months and you too can speak 2 year old.
DM: Yeah, I'll pass.

We then had a brief discussion as to what the best way to take to the Chalet was.

DM: Take Roselawn.
E: Why? I can take Larpenteur.
DM: Roselawn's faster.
E: How do you know?
DM: Because I have taken many a cab & it is cheaper to take Roselawn.
E: I'm going to take Larpenteur.
DM: If you take Larpenteur, you're an idiot.
E: Yeah, but I'm an idiot with a driver's license.

Needless to say, he got flipped off for that one while Kari and Mom laughed.

I had a great Thanksgiving and was glad that I got to see my Mom. I was also glad to see Rob & Betty again. Betty also had a ton of books for me so that was very fun & exciting. We were only able to take one box & a bag. They are in Kari's trunk right now, unfortunately. I wasn't going to drag them into the Chalet.

I promise there will be a karaoke post soon. I am working on it. I have to get caught up - I have four nights to work on. And there is karaoke tomorrow night! Sheesh. I am really behind. Hope you all had a good Thanksgiving.

Posts to come later

I have posts in my mind right now but there's so much else going on in the world that I'm finding it hard to write them. I need to take today off and will be back posting this weekend.

I would like to bring your attention to some people that are dear to my heart right now (always are but even more so now):

My dahling, beautiful Johnny is struggling with evil donkeys and jugular weak sheep and also the anniversary of the loss of her best friend, Uzi.

Nancy, who is extremely positive in the face of adversity and so dang nice, is struggling with, in her words, a lot of fertilizer for her garden. There has been vandalism and an almost car accident and a layoff and now an allergic reaction to strawberries.

Funny & smart Teri and her children are sick so they missed Thanksgiving. Plus she is trying to study and write papers for college and they are hard and math related papers. Math is bad.

And Diana, sweet, wonderful Diana, has just lost a family member, the beauteous and loyal dog, Emma.

So if you could all take a moment and maybe mutter a brief prayer or think pleasant thoughts towards these 4 oh so wonderful women, I would really appreciate it.

I'm sure you can understand why I need to take a break for a day. As much as I love karaoke, sometimes it has to take a back seat.

Dudes. I adore you all. Beijos (Portuguese for kisses).

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Things I am thankful for

Well, it is Thanksgiving and I thought I would give a brief list of what I am thankful for (in case the title didn't give it away).

1. My family - although they have an awful sense of timing. I went online this morning and get an IM from Kari that asked me if I was ready. The problem with this was that she told me they were picking me up at 1 PM the day before and it was only 11 AM. Apparently dinner got bumped up a little. Great. But I'm glad that Mom is here from Arizona. It is the first time I have seen her in a little under two years.

2. My best friends. I can honestly say that if it wasn't for them, I would not be here. So thanks to Beth and Keem for keeping me from doing something stupid by being entertaining and fun and wise and great and making me want to stick around to see what would come next.

3. The blogging community. I have "met" so many great people online and have even met two people because of it, resulting in two wonderful trips - to Portugal to meet Johnny and to Tomah to meet Mark. And who knows what tomorrow will bring (crap. That song is going to be stuck in my head forever now)? There are a lot of people out there that I want to see and give big hugs to and laugh and chat for hours.

4. Effexor. Because, while Beth and Keem kept me around, the Effexor keeps me sane. And on an even keel. And not bursting into tears every five seconds because something horrible has happened (like breaking a finger nail).

5. My job. I make good money, I have a great boss and I can play online when I want (well, as long as there aren't calls in queue).

There are more things that I am thankful for but these are the top five. I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving.

Love you all,

Dana Marie Vittum

PS - I can't believe I didn't put karaoke on this list! What was I thinking? Although I suppose that falls under the category of friends.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

We interrupt our regularily scheduled program of karaoke pushing*

Hi. Just have to let you know that I have just read two of the funniest posts ever on something that I never would have thought would be funny.

I am referring to child birth. This post on finslippy and this post on Breed 'Em & Weep. Seriously funny. Here is testament to the funniness (not really sure that's a word, actually) - I was asked today "What are you snorting about, Dana?" Because sometimes I snort when amused.

*Keem calls me a book pusher whenever I tell her about a book I think she should read. I think everyone should go to karaoke. Which is why I post about it, hoping you will all be intrigued and show up some night.

Anyway, the update for Thursday's karaoke is here. The update for Sunday's will come in a day or two. And then there will be the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving karaoke (an annual event, in case the Thanksgiving part didn't give it away) and Thursday karaoke and Sunday karaoke again! Can you say yay? I knew you could!

The avidly awaited bi-weekly karaoke post

I know you're all seriously disappointed in me for not posting about the happenings that occured last Thursday. I apologize profusely. I have decided to make up for that lack by combining the two nights (Thursday and Sunday night) into one ultra-special karaoke post. Feel the excitement!

A little bit of information about Thursday nights. They are much busier than Sundays. Usually the Chalet-sponsored softball team is there (but not as much lately since the season is over). This is how we met Joe Funko, the Reverend James and his fiance Marion. This is also how we met Shawn (the world's drunkest man) and Donny (some random guy) - Beth is not overly fond of either of them right now. But more on this later.

There was a group of people up near the front of the stage. We determined, using our logic and powers of deduction, that these people were celebrating the 21st birthday of a young man named Brandon. Marvel at this conclusion (brought about by Bryan saying "This is Brandon. Today is his 21st birthday"). The two people that Beth and I noticed the most, besides Brandon, was his brother Joey and a girl named Emily. Both Beth and I agreed Emily looked familiar. I said I thought she might have been in a movie (Actually, I asked her. No, she has not but she has been told by people that they remind her of the best friend from the Princess Diaries. Which, yeah, she does but still, I swear I've seen her somewhere).

Joey was, in a word, hi-larious (Johnny coined this word when we were in Portugal. As she put it, hi-larious meant that it was even funnier then hilarious). He was probably about 22 or 23, cute in a dorky way and has a great career ahead of him as a karaoke host. He was dancing around on the stage, making funny comments (such as when he was singing this stupid song that I can't remember the name of, there was a part that talks about silk panties or red silk panties or something like that. He stops and says "I can't sing that, my mother is here." Very cute).

There were some other people at their table, the afforementioned mother, a man about her age (maybe the boyfriend/husband? Not sure and don't remember his name. Was it Lee?) who sang Celebration and completely rocked it, some other friends of Brandon, Emily and Joey. The whole table was very personable and friendly, making comments about how much we rocked and hooting and hollering whenever we got up to sing. Beth and I started picking songs we thought would appeal to them.

I decided to sing Stuck in the Middle With You. This went over very well, their table laughed appropriately at my remark about how they wouldn't let me use a knife when I sang the song and they inspired me to actually dance a little. Which is quite shocking, believe me, because I do not dance at all. Well, I chair dance but that is completely different from moving my body around on a stage.

At one point, the artist now known as Lee got up to sing. I leaned over to Beth. "Ooh. He's got a (karaoke) disc. That's always exciting." This confirmed that I am seriously a karaoke junkie. Oh, speaking of that, I told Bryan about the dream I had about bringing the aliens to him as my leader and his response to that was "Yeah, and that prick Bryan will make you fill out a slip. If you don't fill out a slip, Zoltar, you can't sing."

We had a great time, as always, on Thursday. It's always fun when there is a good crowd of people that are filled with energy. You know that you've been accepted as a member of the Thursday cool table (Reverend James & Marion's table) when they start discussing how to irritate Beth and it is determined that Donny should sing the song "Beth" by KISS. Which is Beth's least favorite song. The last time it was sung by Shawn, she started yelling at the stage about how the Beth in the song was going to either leave or change all of the locks. She starts this again. The word git may have been used to describe the song writer. We enjoyed laughing at with her.

At one point, I saw Ryan (he is a pretty, pretty man) leaving and he kind of backed into the door. I sighed.

DM: I wish I was that door.
B: What? Did you just say you wished you were the door?
DM: Did I say that out loud (She nods)? Um, Ryan was leaving.
B: You're weird.

Liz and James came up with Matt, who works for James at the theater. Beth and I were excited to see James because we wanted to talk to him about Lost. Matt is also a fan so we had a great conversation about that while Liz gave us the "You are all a bunch of freaks" look. Matt seems nice enough but a little odd. He may or may not have been hitting on Beth. We're not sure.

Somehow, probably because I am an idiot, I ended up mentioning the whole Tale of the Blue Stiffy thing. This came up because Matt was talking about an awkward experience he had recently had and I proved that mine was probably more humiliating (why do I find the need to share these stories when Gil is around? Why?). Plus, I figured out that Matt could be my son. Sort of. Since I was 15 when he was born, it is stretching it a little but it was still kind of fun.

Anyway, I was going to try and finish telling you about Sunday but I am running short of time. Maybe tomorrow?

Okay, have a lovely evening. Oh, my Mom is here. Looking forward to seeing her on Thursday.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Reason 1 as to why I am never having children

You may have noticed that I like to exaggerate sometimes. Such as when I wrote the post called 453 reasons why I am never having children. I am sure there are not actually 453 reasons. But they all pale in comparison to reason #1.

Reason #1 - Sometimes the child is Satan in disguise.

Picture it. A young Dana tries to make some money. Since we lost our allowance when Kari decided she didn't want to take piano lessons anymore (although both she and Mom contend that the reason the piano lessons were cancelled was because the teacher was moving. Okay, if that's why, where's my $2 bucks a week? Huh?), really the only opportunities for a 13 (14?) year old girl is to babysit (or, hey, maybe she can get such great offers like call #1 that will warp her for life).

I did get a job working for several families in the neighborhood. Looking back, it amazes me as to how different things were then compared to now. Such as, the parents coming home at midnight and I walked the 8 blocks home. There's no way it's safe to do that now.

There was the family that had four children that were, well, to put it nicely, hellions. All I really remember about them was that they were loud and obnoxious. The parents were cheap. In fact, one night I came over and found out that I was not just watching their kids, I was also going to be watching three additional children. Oh, but don't worry. They would give me some extra money. Yeah. Oh, the generosity. I got three more bucks.

There was the night that it snowed. And snowed. And snowed some more. When the parents got home (different family), the father drove me home. We got about four blocks away from my house when he came upon a problem. The main drag in Mahtomedi (Mahtomedi Ave) was plowed but the side streets were not. So what does he do? He tells me he'll pay me more if I will walk the rest of the way. Ooh. More money. Okay.

I get home a half hour later, Mom is frantic and furious when she finds out that he just dropped me off. I try to calm her down with the fact that he paid me more. I pull out the money he gave me and started counting. Now I am very bad at math and am the first to admit it but even I could figure out that I got jipped. I worked for them for 8 hours. At 2 bucks an hour, I earned 16 dollars. The bastard gave me $17. My mom was on the phone with him in 2.5 seconds and cursed him out. I was never allowed to babysit for them again.

There was one family that I worked for, the Zebra family (fake name. In case you can't tell), that treated me much better. They had two boys and the mother was extremely cool. I rarely saw the father. When Mrs. Zebra asked me what kind of pop I liked to drink and started stocking it for me, that was when I knew this was a dream job.

I was soon proven wrong. The Zebras had two boys. Damien, who was seven, and Angel (hey, it worked for Buffy), who was the sweetest child ever and about five. At first, Damien wasn't all bad. He was a little mouthy and didn't listen well but other than that, he was okay. But then there was influence from a neighbor child and it was bad.

The neighbor's child was Joe and he was, in a word (or two), the biggest pain of the ass ever. He was 10 and kind of reminded me of Eddie Haskell. When Mrs. Zebra was there, he was the picture of charm. But when she left, he did everything he could to make me miserable.

An example? Oh, how about the time he walked in on me in the bathroom. No, let me rephrase that. He didn't so much walk in on me as he picked the lock and opened the door. Ten years old and a successful lock picker. I'm sure his parents would be proud. He always had something negative to say about my weight but this didn't stop me from finding his eyes on one particular part of my anatomy and, on one occasion, his hand ended up there. Nothing says creepy like having your breast groped by a ten year old.

His influence rubbed off on Damien so that, when Joe wasn't there, he would be defiant and mouthy. When Joe was there, Damien pretty much just followed him around and agreed with everything he said. You might ask why I never said anything to Mrs. Zebra but, to be completely honest, she kind of scared me a little. Yes, she was very nice and cool but she was also 50 feet tall and a bit strident. I was afraid I would lose my job. Because, no matter how bratty Damien was, Angel was, well, an angel and Mrs. Zebra paid extremely well. $2.50 an hour plus tip.

Anyway, as I mentioned in my ten firsts meme, I gave Damien a bloody nose. Here's how.

So I get over to the Zebra place to find Mrs. Zebra all flustered. Apparently, Mr. Zebra's mother is going to be coming over. I get submitted to a diatribe about how Grandma Zebra spoils the children and treats Mrs. Zebra like crap and is always criticizing her and if I could please clean up the kitchen, she would really appreciate it and make sure the kids are clean when Grandma Zebra gets there and oh my God, she's going to be late.

Damien is in a mood. I'm not sure if it's because he's all excited that Grandma is coming over or if he got up on the wrong side of the bed or what the deal is but he is completely getting on my last nerve. He wants to go outside and play in the mud. He wants to make his little brother cry. He wants to do this and that and this and that and why won't I let him? Why? Why am I so mean? I'm not the boss of him. He can do what he wants.

He grabs his coat and starts heading outside. I stop him. I firmly tell him no, he is not allowed to go outside.

His response? He looks at me, hatred steaming from his beady little eyes.

"You fucker," he calls me.

And I watch, in shock and horror, as my hand raises up on its own volition and slaps the little brat across the face.

Blood starts gushing from his nose. He starts screaming and crying and runs up to his room, locking the door. I am stuck on the outside, trying to get him to let me in the room so I can clean up his nose. What is going through my mind right now is oh my God, I am the worst babysitter in the world. I have broken his nose. I'm going to get fired (nowadays, I'd probably get sued. Or my mother would get sued since I was 13). I will be blackballed from babysitting. What am I going to do?

I am standing at the door, listening to Damien scream about how he is going to tell his mom and I'm in so much trouble, listening to Angel tell me that Damien's nose bleeds all the time, listening to myself beg him to open the door - when I hear something behind me.

"What's going on?"

I turn around, my face turning pale, to see Mrs. Zebra standing there.

I stammer something to the effect of "Slapped Damien...didn't mean to...please don't kill me...he called me a name...I am so very, very, very sorry...nose is bleeding..."

Mrs. Zebra raises herself to her full height and says calmly "What did he call you?"

I continue to stammer "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did...it wasn't that big of a deal...no one has ever called me that before..." She raises one eyebrow at me. "He called me a fucker."

Mrs. Zebra marches into the bathroom, I am right behind her, still apologizing. She grabs a wash cloth and runs it under the faucet. She adds liquid soap to it, squeezes it a few times and then walks to Damien's door.

"Damien. It's Mom. Open the door."

He does. Now I have thought she was going to clean up his nose with the wash cloth. Apparently this is not the case because when he sees the cloth, he starts screaming even more.

"She slapped me! It's her fault! No! Mom! No!"

"Hold still!" Mrs. Zebra snaps. I then watch, to my horror (and a lot of awe), as she starts squeezing the soapy water into his mouth. "I never want to hear you use that word again. You will apologize to Dana. Right now!"

"I'm sorry, Dana." Damien says to me. I manage to suppress a smile as I see the bubbles run out of his mouth.

Mrs. Zebra then compliments me on the kitchen and pays me, giving me a large tip. She tells me I can leave when Grandma Zebra gets there. She was only there long enough to pick up something for her next meeting. She writes a huge note and tapes it to the fridge.

The note read "Under no circumstances is Damien allowed any candy or to watch television. He will stay in his room for the rest of the day. He called the babysitter a fucker." The rest of the afternoon goes smoothly. Damien is in his room and Angel and I have a wonderful day playing and reading together.

And then Grandma Zebra arrives. She appears to be sweet and cuddly. She has tons of gifts for the children. And then she reveals her true colors.

She walks around the kitchen and actually turns to me and apologizes for her daughter-in-law's horrible housekeeping. Since I had been the one who did the cleaning, this ticks me off to no end. She then sees the note.

"What is this?" she asks. I explain, briefly, that Damien is being punished and is to remain in his room for the rest of the day.

"Oh, really?" She calls Damien out to the kitchen. He and Angel hug her and she fusses over both of them. I then watch her go to her purse and take out two huge candy bars. She hands one to each child. She then looks at me and I swear her eyes flash red. "What Mrs. Zebra doesn't know won't hurt her. You won't say a word."

I soon found myself outside the front door, dazed and confused, headed home.

I still babysat for the Zebras the rest of the summer. Joe was soon banned from the house, Damien showed me a little bit more respect and Angel, well, he was an Angel. The next summer, I got a job working for the school district (it was a program to help children of low income families) at the elementary school as a janitor. My, that was fun. Oh, and I just realized, I must have been 14 when I babysat for the Zebras. Because the next summer was when I was 15 and met Dean of The Tale of the Blue Stiffy fame.

Anyway, while Angel was quite possibly the sweetest little boy in the world (example, I got a job working for OJT in high school at the elementary school library. Angel came in, recognized me and gave me a huge hug and begged me to come babysit him again because his new babysitter wasn't half as cool as I was), Damien was just the first of many reasons as to why I don't want children myself. And yet, I still love reading blogs written by mothers. I wonder why that is. Maybe to keep me from succumbing to cute baby syndrome?

Okay, Teri, long enough for you? It's finally Sunday so you know what that means - there will be a karaoke post tomorrow. Or Tuesday, depending on how busy it is at work tomorrow.

Oh, and I saw Chicken Little and Harry Potter yesterday. Chicken Little was really cute. Harry Potter rocked.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Have you seen it? Have you?

So I've been working on my archives, updating them, and you can just imagine my excitement when I pulled up my site yesterday and saw my shiny, new banner. I believe my exact words were (after the squeal) "Oh, my banner! Look, look at my banner!" This, for some reason, frightened my boss and co-workers. Which I really don't understand because, hello, I think we have already proven that I am a freak.

But isn't it the cutest thing ever? It was created by the very funny and versatile and most creative person I have ever "met," Sheryl of Paper Napkin. I say versatile because she very nicely dealt with my vague answers to her questions of "So what do you want for a banner." I think my response was something like "Um...I like frogs."

I think this banner completely explains why my blog is called Green Duckies. Which, if you've ever wondered why it's called that, here's the link.

If you like the banner, (and really, how could you not?) please stop by Sheryl's site and tell her how much she completely and totally rocks.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

10 firsts

Found on frog's blog.

First Best Friend: Linda
First Screen Name: badbadkittygirl (my Mom loved that email address, let me tell you)
First Piercing: ears (and I didn't get them until I was 18)
First Crush: I'm pretty sure his name was Peter and he was tall and cute and I was in 4th grade and we saw him somewhere and my Dad asked him what his intentions were towards me (Thanks, Dad. That went over well)
First Music: Uh, no clue. Maybe the ABC song? I sang it when I was 2.
First Car: Hahahahahahaha! An El Camino. I can dream, right?
First Stuffed Animal: The first one I remember is Panda. But I was 7 when I got him. I am sure there were others.
First love: Never been in love. And no, Beth, I am not in love now. I am in like.
First Time Being Drunk: When I was 14 or 15 years old, I was visiting a friend and her Dad gave me blackberry brandy.
First Job: Babysitting. Babysitting children from Hell. Reminds me, I should tell you all about the time I babysat for Damien and ended up giving him a bloody nose. Oops.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

iTunes doesn't lie

iTunes meme, via frog (Of course. Because she has the best memes) who got it from bread and roses

So you set your iTunes to shuffle and use each song that comes up to answer the question.

Question: What do you think of me, ITunes?
Answer: Control the Flame, The Lightning Seeds

Question: Will I have a happy life?
Answer: Crossroads, Cream

Question: What do my friends really think of me?
Answer: For You I Will, Monica (Who?)

Question: Do people secretly lust after me?
Answer: The Chase, Kane (Ooh. Does Christian Kane secretly lust after me? Because that would be cool)

Question: What should I do with my life?
Answer: Andante Con Moto, Beethoven (I have no idea what that means. Let's try Googling it. Canon of Twelve. Well, that's really helpful, iTunes. Thanks)

Question: Why must life be so full of pain?
Answer: Monkey, Counting Crows (Blame the monkeys. It's their fault)

Question: How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Answer: Grand Illusion, Styx (Oh, shut up, iTunes. It's got to happen someday)

Question: Will I ever have children?
Answer: Love & Happiness/Take Me To The River, Etta James

Question: Will I die happy?
Answer: When You Were Mine, Prince

Question: Can you give me some advice?
Answer: All You Want, Dido

Question: What do you think happiness is?
Answer: Walking On Sunshine, Jump 5 (cover of Katrina & Waves song, obviously. Very fitting)

Question: Am I complete freak?
Answer: The Rocky Horror Picture Show Trailer, Various Artists (I have no words)

Accurate? Completely out in left field? You decide.


Okay, weird emails again.

Asian Cutie sends you a virtual kiss (Wow. Thanks. I could care less).
Im single and looking for you (My first thought was "Sorry. You can't apostrophe correctly so you don't have a chance" so obviously that needs to be added to the list).
The CSI team needs your help (And my first thought was "Really? Does Grissom pine for me?" My love for Gil Grissom is one of the reasons that Gil is named Gil. And yes, Teri, you're right. I just can't go without talking about him. It has been over one week since I have seen him. I do not like having a Gil free week).
Who will each the oval office first (It's bad enough that the typo is there. What is worse is that I read it as "Who will eat the oval office first")?
My Friend, You are in Trouble (You threaten me and call me friend in the same subject line? (By the way, it's about software. Perhaps Bill Gates is mad at me)).
Lose several pounds before the holidays (Well, it's more honest than the usual claim of losing 50 pounds if you just take some pill that's horribly evil and will quite possibly kill you)
Dana! Its raining cash (No. It's raining rain. And possibly snow).

And the title comes from the fact that I've been Googling pictures for iTunes and entered in Tim Curry, who apparently is in Spamalot. And just so you all know, Tim Curry? Yeah, he's hot. I knew this already but it was just reinforced by the pictures of him in a tux.

Monday, November 14, 2005

You might be a karaoke junkie if:

The Top Ten Reasons to tell if you are a karaoke junkie.

10. Willingly and gladly sacrifice sleep to go to karaoke.

9. Think nothing of spending close to $15 a week just to get to karaoke by taxi (or in Beth's case, driving from Moundsville to Saint Paul to Roseville to Saint Paul to Moundsville on Sundays and the occasional Thursday (Thanks, by the way, for keeping me from going insane, Beth, on these last few Thursday nights when I was "broken." I appreciate it)).

8. Carry around a notebook with a list of your karaoke songs. Granted, it's also used for blogging but the karaoke songs are on the first 2 pages. And when I say 2 pages, I mean back to back so it's technically 4 pages. Well, technically it is technically 3 1/2 pages but it is growing.

7. Secretly be thrilled when you see other people start carrying around a notebook with their list of karaoke songs (yay! Angie-Ang is now doing it. Beth and I have started a trend).

6. Ask a complete stranger for his autograph and refer to him as a celebrity. A friend of Bryan's walked in the Chalet and Bryan introduced him as Dan Lang, who belonged to Bryan's band, Medium. He plays keyboards. Beth and I were all excited and Beth exclaimed "He's a celebrity! We know another celebrity!"

5. When asked by a co-worker if you have ever gone to karaoke at a particular location, scoff and say "I only go to karaoke if Bryan is the host. It would be cheating otherwise." Okay, that might prove that I'm a Bryan junkie but that's just wrong. Karaoke is my drug of choice and Bryan is my pusher. How's that? That sounds better, right?

4. Actually divide up karaoke into two sections. Karaoke and After Karaoke. Karaoke is the actual singing, of course. After Karaoke is the time spent talking to our friends and having great conversations that are not interrupted by off-key people butchering songs or singing LOUDLY.

3. On your check list of what you're looking for in a man, list must like karaoke right underneath must not be married and above not be a psycho or a complete jackass or a Republican (I am stating for the record that I do not think that all Republicans are psychos or jackasses. I have friends that are Republicans. I just don't want to be married to one).

2. Find yourself getting angry with someone because they are not following Rule #2 of the Rules of Karaoke.

2a. Come up with Rules for Karaoke.

And the number one reason that proves you are a karaoke junkie:

1. When you dream that aliens approach you and ask you to take you to your leader, you don't bring them to Washington DC and introduce them to W. No. You bring them to the Chalet and introduce them to Bryan.

And this isn't related to anything at all but I'm obsessed with adding the artwork to iTunes and googled "Science Fiction Movie Themes" images and one of the pictures that pulled up was the soundtrack to Mariah Carey's Glitter. I think we all know that the science fiction there was that it would be a good movie to make. That might be better under Fantasy but it's still funny.

Beth did a post about Sunday night at karaoke. It can be found here. There was no Gil but there were hookers. Or possible hookers.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Things I need to do

Hi. Yes, I'm resorting to adding a checklist to my blog. I promise that it should be funny.

1. Buy a new bra - I had a perfectly good bra but then Keem mentioned that she was looking at the Just My Size catalog and was going to buy a few new bras and then I said maybe I will buy one and she said you should because you only wear the one and I said but I like it. And five minutes after that conversation, the damn underwire broke. So all last night at karaoke, I was being stabbed in the boob. That's always fun. Fortunately, I was able to find my backup bra this morning. Otherwise I would be a very cranky Queen of the Universe.

2. Learn to say no to Beth - This is much harder than you would think. Take yesterday. I had not been feeling good all week. I was achy and sneezy and had what I like to consider flu-like symptoms (pretty much just being achy and sneezy. I have mentioned that I'm kind of a wimp when it comes to being sick, right?) and told everyone that asked that, no, I was not going to karaoke. But Beth, she is persuasive. I called her at about 4:30 to let her know that I wouldn't be going.

DM: Hi. I wanted to let you know I won't be going to karaoke tonight.
B: Yes, you are.
DM: No, I've not been feeling good and I should stay home.
B: You're lame.
DM: No, I'm not.
B: Mike, tell Dana that she's lame (Mike is my former boss).
M: Lame-O.
DM: But I have flu-like symptoms.
M: So? You're still lame.

Beth gets back on the phone.

DM: But what about my flu-like symptoms?
B: I did a face-plant and I'm still going.
DM: Fine (tone of the martyr). I'll go.
B: Okay. I'll pick you up.

I had actually been feeling better by the end of the work day but I would like to know why, when I said to my co-workers that I was going to karaoke, how come everyone said "Well, we knew that." Am I that predictable?

Anyway, I'm glad I went to karaoke but that is not the point. Why is it that Beth can talk me into going to karaoke or singing songs that I don't even know that well (such as last night - "Mama Told Me Not To Come" which was horrible and then "Living On A Prayer" which wasn't so bad except for the horrible key change during the chorus. (Yet when I suggest that she sing something, it is rejected. But let Steve make a suggestion and she'll try it. No, I'm not bitter about that at all))?

Joe Funko is very funny. I watched him juggle popcorn at karaoke. Popcorn.

3. Clean my room. Maybe if I put it here it'll actually happen.

Yeah. I don't believe me either. But today (it's now Sunday morning, can't sleep, talking with Beth on IM) when I wake up again, I will clean the area in front of my bed. I will start small. It can happen. And maybe I'll make my bed. Yeah.

And actually, it's now Monday. Do you think I cleaned my room? The correct answer is no. Although I just found out that Jeff's been looking at a townhome and it would probably be a good idea to clean my room before I have to move because I have a feeling that Keem and Beth are not going to be so willing to assist me this time.

4. Stop getting dressed in the dark. Last week I had two incidents. One where I realized in the elevator that my shirt was backwards. Easy to fix, switched it around while Keem laughed at me. The 2nd incident was not noticed until I went to work and Rachel said "You know, I thought your shirt was inside out but then I realized it was the design" and Laurie said "No, actually her shirt is inside out."

Well, at least I can entertain my co-workers. That's a plus, right?

Thursday, November 10, 2005


I finally convinced Kari that I could post some pictures from our outing to the Children's Museum. I ended up sending her an email of carefully edited pictures. I think they are still pretty amusing and hope that you will enjoy them.


Okay, you can't really tell by looking at it but this sign drove me nuts. We ended up having to wait for awhile because Josh was asleep and Kari didn't want to wake him up right away because he apparently gets quite crabby. Anyway, the sign is crooked. Well, no, the sign is hung in a straight line but the wall angled and so there was this space that wasn't even above the sign and it just irritated me. But Kari refused to start the car and drive to another spot just because I was having sign issues. Which I think is very irrational and mean.


This is the fountain that Josh threw money into. Josh loves fountains. He had been somewhat crabby until he saw the fountain and then his face just lit up. I like to think he gets this from me because I, as a Pisces, am also quite fond of water.


Here we are waiting for Josh to decide if he wants to come with us or not. He was in somewhat of a mood (not that I'm insinuating that my nephew would be crabby. Because that is just not true (imagine me rolling my eyes right now)) and didn't want to walk or leave the fountain or something like that, can't quite remember.


We are on our way to McDonald's (ended up going to Subway). I am confused about the sign over Ronald's head. I was pretty sure this building was the World Trade Center but it now seems to be known as Wells Fargo Place. Odd. Perhaps it is to confuse terrorists. And why is it that, even though I hate clowns, Ronald McDonald doesn't creep me out that much?


I pointed out the birds to Josh and he wanted to go and watch them. Smart kid. Birds are fun. They were crossing the street until a car came along and scared them. Stupid car.


The skyway had these hanging from the ceiling. Cool. They were all different.


Here Josh shows us the color "Green." Is he not the most brilliant child you have ever seen? Or, well, the most brilliant hand?



I thought this was cool. It reminded me of that poem that Diana posted and then I decided to try.





Josh really liked the Raceways exhibit. I'm not overly surprised by this because he is Eric's son and thus is fascinated by all things that are ball related. I tried very hard to get a picture of the golf ball doing the loop but, as you can see, I failed.



This was my favorite in the Raceways exhibit. I am not sure why I am fascinated by the whole idea of the balls spinning around rapidly but I am. I may have even giggled. Maybe.


As you can see, my hair is much longer. And annoying. Rachel will still not let me get it cut, not even a trim. Rachel is mean. Here I am looking studious and busy. Much like I do every day (Yes, yes, laugh it up, people).


This is Kari. She got much cooler bubbles than I did.


This was probably Josh's favorite exhibit. It involved water and boats. We would bring him to the bubbles and then he would be back over at the boats again.


This is my favorite picture of Kari. I am not supposed to post it. Pretend you don't see it. But the reason I posted it is to demonstrate what the next picture is for. We were trying to get Josh to stand in the ticket office and give Kari a ticket (brochure). He wouldn't do it and kept running off to the boats. Finally, Kari went into the ticket office and Josh was supposed to take the ticket from her.


You can see how well that worked. Yes. He went back to the boats.



The museum had a little store and you could pretend that you were shopping. Josh appears to be fascinated with vegetables. This is good.


Here I have pulled my hair back with a stupid headband that irritates me. I am not overly fond of my forehead but I also hate having my hair in my eyes. If I could find a way to make my hair stay mid forehead and look somewhat attractive, I would do it. Rachel vetoed the glue idea.

Notice the museum sticker. This is where Josh decided to put it. You will also see the lovely necklace I am wearing. It was a gift from Josh, made with his own two little hands.


Just call me Shaggy.


The Lion is thirsty. Yes, I am a dork.


The Lioness is perturbed that she is not receiving any water.


It was story time. Josh sat still for a whole two minutes.


The museum had cool little sayings like this all over the place. This was by the book nook which is the coolest thing ever to have in a museum. A place where you can read. I love it.


Here is Josh and Kari, reading the book together.


This is the most popular children's television show in Japan. I don't get it either.


Like I would pass up taking a picture of a frog. Not very likely.


Sandra Boyton is one of my favorite authors for children. I just love the pictures. I think she still does greeting cards as well.




Trying to keep the kid from noticing that Kari went to the bathroom and therefore is NOT in the same room with him. Guess how long it took from happy playing to total meltdown? Yeah. 30 seconds would be the correct answer.


Beneath this lovely mural is a small child who has been momentarily distracted by a fountain. Amount of time the fountain distracted him? 20 seconds. Fortunately Kari returned before he climbed the clock tower and took out the whole crowd.


There was this pillow and Josh thought running and jumping on it was the funnest thing ever. And it was hilarious. The kid is such a clown. But not a scary Stephen King like clown.


Is he not the cutest thing that you have ever seen? He was hiding. And he is a good model and will gladly go and stand for Aunty Dana to take his picture because she missed this pose the first time.




And later it was time for karaoke. Where James was pressured into singing the last song of the night. It was a duet with Nate. Bryan decided that they would be singing "Strokin'" by Clarence Carter. It was great. I don't know why James tries to resist us when we urge him to sing, he's actually not bad.

Anyway, from left to right, there is Dean's head in the corner, James singing, Jay Tice after he did some weird chair dance and Nate.

Hope you enjoyed. I was going to stay home from karaoke tonight but Beth is quite persuasive. So it is time to take my nap. Have a lovely evening, y'all (just read Nancy's blog and I picked up the y'all. It's kind of fun. Especially when you imagine it with a Minnesota accent).

Monday, November 07, 2005

Insert title that sums up my complete and total embarrassment and will explain why I am never ever drinking again. Ever.

Yesterday I went to the Minnesota Children's Museum with Kari and Josh (For those of you not in the know, Kari is my sister, Josh is my just-recently-turned-2 nephew). I have one thing to say to all of you with children, especially small children, especially toddler children. That one thing is "How the heck do you do it?" I spent a total of 4 hours with Josh and Kari and by the end of those 4 hours, I was walking as though I was 95, could have seriously used a cane or a walker and, if someone was to run over my feet with one of those road construction things that flatten stuff (don't ask me to tell you what that is called. I have no idea but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about), I probably would have thanked them.

I would post pictures of Kari and Josh (the world's cutest baby, oops, toddler) but Kari is convinced that all of you are just waiting to kidnap him (well, not you, the seven of you who read my blog, you're all fairly trustworthy but there are some weird people out there). I will post a few pictures of Kari because I don't think anyone is planning on kidnapping her and it will be my revenge for her not allowing me to share pictures of the most adorable toddler in the world and she is my sister so I think she is quite gorgeous. And there are some pictures of me. You will get to see how long my hair has become and perhaps can give me some advice on what I should do with it because it is driving me insane and I want to cut it off which would so defeat the purpose of growing it out for the last year.

Okay, where was I after the huge amount of run on sentences? Kari, Josh, museum, pictures, feet hurt, don't kidnap my nephew...um, got it.

Anyway, did I ever mention that Josh is the most brilliant child in the world as well? He just turned 2 last month and knows his primary colors (and purple and yellow which are not primary colors but Eric's a huge Vikings fan so are we really surprised by this?) and some sign language and lots of words and can count to 3 and knows how to read his name and loves to have you read to him and interacts with the book when you ask him questions about it.

I admit to be slightly biased and will concede that there are other children who are quite adorable as well but that is the whole point to being an aunt and the self-proclaimed Queen of the Universe, I can make sweeping judgements of this nature and no one can get mad at me. Or so I hope. Don't get mad at me, people, I am just a really proud aunt.

After I finally dragged myself back to the car (there are four floors in this museum. And the stairs. Oh, my God, the stairs. We're not talking about little tiny flights of stairs of maybe 5 or six or even 10 steps. Oh, no. We're talking about at least 20 steps from the 1st to the 2nd floor. If not more. And Josh just loves taking the stairs because he's a big boy now. And we walked up and down these four flights of stairs at least 5 or 6 times), Kari dropped me off and I slowly made my way to my apartment and to my bed and slept for several hours because Sunday night is karaoke night and is way, way, fun and I was looking forward to it. I remember having some really weird dreams but not what they were.

Anyway, I'm going to leave you with this for now. I have sent an email to Kari, asking for permission to post certain pictures (carefully edited to remove any identifying Josh features) and it is 10:24 PM and I have to get up early for work. So I will fill you in on the excitement that was karaoke last night at the Chalet tomorrow (which will be Tuesday. In case you aren't sure, or, like me, am secretly hoping that tomorrow is Wednesday because the new episode of Lost is on and then it is only one day away from Thursday which is karaoke).

Hi! I'm back. It is now 12:14 on Tuesday. I want you to realize the sacrifice that I am making for you, people of the Internet. I have the new Nora Roberts book, Blue Smoke, and am about a 1/3 of the way through it and it is really good and I actually would rather read my book instead of blog. This never happens! So that will tell you how good the book is.

Beth called me and we went to karaoke. We got there about 9:20 (more on that later) and decided we were hungry. We had an appetizer feast of mini tacos, egg rolls and a chicken wing sampler. There was some controversy sparked over what was in the mini tacos (some sort of meat substance topped with some sort of cheese substance). This conversation was started when Bryan was offered a mini taco and mentioned that they scared him a little but normally he would like to eat the mini tacos because that would make him feel like a giant. This just completely amused Beth and I and reinforced our belief that Bryan is one of the coolest people ever.

I am not sure how this was brought up but we were asked what time we get there for karaoke. Beth said it was usually about 9:20 and that Bryan normally arrived at 9:30. So someone (Nate?) said "So you get here at 10 minutes to Bryan?" We decided that would be our new way to tell time.

Angie, Amy, Sarah, Nate and Becky were all there. Angie pulled out her "Angie's Man Check List" and was showing it to us. We were laughing about it until she told us that she made the list and two days later met Steve. Steve meets 19 out of 20 of Angie's requirements. The only thing that he doesn't meet is that he's really not that into hockey. When she told us that, Beth and I immediately pulled out our notebooks and started coming up with our own lists. You can see Beth's check list and why she is never drinking again here.

Bryan, ever the jokester, told us that he had the perfect woman check list. His ideal woman would be tall, have long lustrous hair and have large hands. Because Liz is short, has short hair and, according to Bryan, has hands shaped similar to a raccoon and are only good for knocking over a garbage can.

I'm sorry, guys, it's been very busy here today and I am not feeling good. I am going to go home and sleep for as long as possible. Maybe I'll be able to finish this tomorrow. It's beginning to feel a lot like tax time and I'm way behind on my blogging and blog reading. I hope to get caught up tomorrow.

Okay, it's now Wednesday. And I'm back. Still don't feel good. It is still busy here. But I finished the Nora Roberts book last night and am sad that it is over. But at least I will not feel guilty for not reading blogs.

Beth decided we should have some of these really yummy drinks that we like. We don't know what to call them. The shot is called a pineapple upside down cake but we don't have it in a shot glass. It is pineapple juice, vanilla Stoli and grenadine. And cherries. Bobby is great, he has no problem when we raid the garnish tray.

We only had 3 of these drinks but they were much stronger than the last time (and Beth is right, it does help if you stir them first so you're not drinking straight vodka) and, well, they went straight to my head. This is not good. You see, I already am not a very inhibited person. You know this. And alcohol, well, it removes inhibitions. This isn't good.

Beth said that the boy, Pete and Guru showed up, along with two other men. One I started referring to (in my head) as Mullet Man. Why do men think this is a good look for them? It's not. The only man who looks good with a mullet is Kurt Russell. The other guy seemed somewhat normal. I am now referring to him as Eel because I couldn't come up with a good fake name. They all end up sitting at our table. The boy is next to me, across from Beth.

Guru is always drunk each time we see him. It's really annoying. For an amusing story of the last time we saw him, click here. Eel and he start wrestling and Guru is getting closer and closer to Beth. She is not thrilled about this and mentions to the boy that she is worried that she's going to get hurt.

The boy, coming to the rescue, asks Guru to move over so he's not so close to Beth. Guru doesn't like this and slurs at both Beth and I.

G: What did, well, what did I do?
DM: Other than breathing?

Guru looks upset over my harsh words (and all I can say to this is "Dude. You annoy me. Shut up.") and turns away. If I am remembering correctly, Beth gives me a high five for my oh so subtle insult. Or maybe it was "bumps." Don't remember now.

Liz comes in and sits next to me.

L: Hello.
DM: Hi! I made a man check list.

Liz starts inching away.

L: Beth, can I sit next to her? She's weird.
B: We both made a list. Here.
L: Oh! A check list for the type of man you want. Not the men you want to do.

Beth gives her list to Liz. Guru wants to read it.

G: What's that?
B: That's for Liz to read.
G: But what is it?
B: It's for her to read. Not you.

Liz is laughing over Beth's list and stats making some suggestions. I hand her mine.

L: Did you two write these together?
DM: You mean about the no Republicans?
L: Yeah.

Beth explains how we started writing them at the same time so we would exchange ideas. My list is not exactly like Beth's but there are somethings that we are both adamant on.

Dana's Man Check List

1. Must be funny.
2. Must like to read.
3. Intelligent but not snobby.
4. No drugs and no alcoholics (smoking does not count as a drug).
5. Not married (I'm older than Beth (read desperate) so I don't care if they've been married before (or have children (although I might care if they have custody of said children))).
6. Must like karaoke (doesn't have to sing).
7. Must like my friends and they like him.
8. Likes cats and dogs (but cats more).
9. Not a Republican.
10. Accepts the fact that I am a complete & total dork.
11. Not a total jackass.
12. Really likes to clean and accepts that I am domestically challenged.
13. Doesn't make fun of those who are mentally or physically handicapped and thinks that this makes him cool.
14. Not a psycho.
15. Doesn't live with his parents.
16. Has a job.
17. Know what catharsis means.
18. Would be someone I would like being married to if he teaches me to drive.
19. Likes movies, not sports.
20. Doesn't kiss like a Saint Bernard.

I will probably add to this list as time goes on. I would put no mullets on there but I really believe that a good healthy relationship is not about looks and if I meet someone who loves me despite the flab, I should be able to overlook the unfortunate hair.

Anyway, I know you've all been avidly waiting to hear why I am never drinking again.

Towards the end of the evening, James and Dean arrived (Dean would prefer that we not say James and Dean together like that but Dean and James just sounds silly) and joined us. Dean sat next to Beth, protecting her from Guru.

I'm not exactly sure what was said but Dean said something about how Beth was using him. I almost, but not quite, said "Well, I can think of other uses for you." I did not say this. I did manage to stop myself in time.

Drinking is not a good thing. I'm not sure why this happens but the more I drink, the more I lament my unfortunate celibacy. An example of this would be when Nate was singing "Bed of Roses" by Bon Jovi. There is a line in there about how the singer is lying on a bed of nails. I look at Beth and say "How about I just want to be nailed on a bed?" I know. I can't believe I said it either.

I had this desire to put my hair up in a pony tail on top of my head. This is an odd look, yes, but it does get the hair out of my eyes. Neither Beth or Keem seem to approve of this so a good sign that Beth is drunk is when she says "Sure. Go for it" when told I want to do this.

I then decided to take a small wreath of jingle bells and thread my pony tail through it. My wreath starts falling apart and Dean picks them up.

D: You could wear these as earrings.
DM: No, I couldn't. I'm allergic to most metal except for stainless steel.
D: So get them out of stainless steel.
DM: That would mean taking these earrings out (picture of said earrings is here).
D: Is that a problem?
DM: Do you have any idea how hard these are to put back in? When I had my mammogram, I had to remove the nipple rings and didn't even bother to put them back.

James has been listening to the conversation. This catches his attention.

J: Wait. You had your nipples pierced?
DM: Yes.

I wait patiently while both he and Dean cringe.

D: Guys have a hard time dealing with that idea.
DM: Well, remind me not to tell you where my other piercing is.
J: Where? Your nether regions (no, that's not what he said. It is a four letter word that starts with c, ends with t & rhymes with kit)?
DM: Yes.
J: Do you like it?
DM: I don't know. I haven't had sex since I got it done and that was 7 years ago.
J: You haven't had sex in 7 years?
DM: No. Oh my God. I am never drinking again.
D: Why not?
J: Because she wouldn't be telling us this if she hadn't been drinking.
DM: Exactly.

And yes, Gil was there. And yes, he did hear this. And yes, I wish that it makes him shove me up against a wall someday and ravish me. And no, I see no signs of that ever happening.

As Liz said, when I told her later about saying this, I need to either stop drinking or drink enough so that I don't say stuff like this anymore.

Okay, that's it. There will be pictures in the next day or two. I have permission to post some pictures.

Don't let me drink, people. Alcohol is bad.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Why I need Effexor OR Just call me Tragedy Girl

Went to karaoke last night with Beth and had a great time, as usual. Since I am somewhat broken (how I refer to being without money), Beth came to pick me up. When she called to wake me up, I answered the phone before I turned off the CPAP machine (I did take it off my face first).

DM: Hello.
B: Hi. What is that noise?
DM: Oh! I forgot to turn off the CPAP machine.
B: I just heard this (makes whoosing sound) noise.
DM: Well, they do call me Hurricane Dana.

Since Beth worked until 11:00 PM, we got up to the Chalet at about midnight? I think. I wasn't paying that much attention, having too much fun catching up with Beth on what happened in our week. It was dead.

We asked Joe Funko and the people at his table if there was anyone sitting at the table behind them. They said no and so we quickly cleared off the table in preparation to sit down. Alas, someone had been sitting there and I may have thrown away a beer that was about half full. Oh, well. I don't like beer. We moved to another table.

The rotation was very small. There was a woman there that Joe refers to as 12 Tooth, the woman that I referred to once as "Scary Anorexic Woman." She was butchering "Nobody" by Sylvia, a song I sometimes sing as my warm-up song. I, being a Bad Dana, wanted to sing it directly after her just to show her how it should be sung. I did not because that would be mean and I may be a Bad Dana but I am not an Evil Dana. I sung "Change The World" instead, as usual. Some guy with a mullet (the one whose beer I threw away (oops)) sang "Bed of Roses." It was, well, horrible.

Steve came up and we were exchanging stories while waiting for our turns to sing. He and Beth also talked about work (Steve is her team lead) and it is fun to watch how they interact with each other. They are both very excited about their team and it shows. I think they must be a fantastic supervisor and team lead to work for. Not that I could because they are my friends but still. Steve sang "Should I Stay or Should I Go" by The Clash and he rocked.

Beth and I proved to Steve that "Take On Me" by A-Ha is the hardest song in the book. He didn't believe us and decided to try singing it. We did not laugh at him when he struggled with the high notes. Much.

Joe was very amusing last night. When Mullet Man was singing, he started conducting an imaginary orchestra. It was hilarious. He was also attacked by a woman who could be 12 Tooth's mother but we're not sure. She heard Joe mention Neil Diamond (or I did, not sure) and she gravitated to Joe's table and wouldn't leave him alone. Finally, I called over to him and told him I needed to ask him a question. When he came over, I told him that I was rescuing him. He was quite grateful and ended up sitting by us for most of the night.

Liz came up and joined us for awhile. Keem had asked me why Beth and I were going to karaoke so late because we wouldn't have much time to sing. I explained to her that the most important part of karaoke isn't karaoke but the "After Karaoke." When we sit and talk about life and love and friendship and weird things that might have happened to us in our lives.

Which is where the title comes from. Somehow, I am not sure, we were talking and I mentioned something that has bothered me since I was a youngster. It was tragic.

DM: I had a pet rock.
B: Wait. Did you just say you had a pet rock?
DM: Yes. He ran away.
B (silently laughing at my pain): Did you set him on a hill?
DM: Yes. And there were a bunch of other rocks so I couldn't find him.
B: You didn't think of just picking up another rock?
DM: That wouldn't be the same. And it would be weird calling his name because it's not like he could answer me.
B: You so need to blog this.
DM: Yes. And I could say that this is why I need Effexor. Because of tragedies like this. Such as the time my pet Super Ball ran away.

I do not remember what my pet rock's name was. I bought him at a garage sale for a dollar. The Super Ball's name was Herman (this may have been after Herman Munster but I'm not sure). He ran away twice. The first time I was able to catch him but the 2nd time he bounced away into a storm train. Tragic.

Steve told us a story about how he was stalked by a white van when he was kid and it really freaked him out. It turned out that it was a newspaper reporter who saw Steve riding his bike to the baby-sitter's with a bunch of BALLOONS! tied to his bike and they took his picture and wanted to get his name.

Do you have any stories about weird/comic tragic events in your childhood? Please share.

Thursday, November 03, 2005


If your favorite cookie is those huge ginger snap cookies that are really crunchy and soft at the same time and only a few people can get them right, do not be fooled into thinking that a Archway's Molasses cookie will taste the same. Because they do not. And they are very soft and kind of weird texture wise and taste nothing like ginger at all. Which really shouldn't be that surprising because they are molasses, not ginger, and they really aren't the same thing at all.

And oh, when you tell Keem that you are eating pickles and molasses cookies together and she says "Ew. That's a weird combination" you should probably listen to her.

And also, for your reading pleasure, quite possibly the weirdest spam email I have ever got. No, seriously. I don't know if this person is a total freak or just really creative. You decide.

I've heard _all_ about you...

Nothing that was worthy in the past departs no truth or goodness realized by man ever dies, or can die.

You save: 80-85%

Microsoft OneNote 2003 Professional $29.95
Adobe After Effects V 6.5 Professional PC $49.95
Autodesk Architectural Studio 3.0 $39.95
Macromedia Fontographer 4 $19.95


I resent performing for frisking idiots who don't know anything.Poetry is the language of feeling.


So things are tough right now. Through my own damn fault, I have managed to dig myself a very deep hole financially. I have approximately three dollars to last me to payday. Payday, by the way, is on the 15th. That's a loooooooong way from today.

But, trying to look at things positively, I am thankful that Keem and I went grocery shopping before hand. I am thankful that I paid my rent and am not going to end up out on the street. I am thankful that today is November 3 and my stock options finally became available so that I can sell them and use the proceeds to get myself out of debt.

And, quite possibly the most important thing of all, right now I am eating meatballs that Keem made last night in a cream of mushroom/bacon & horseradish dip sauce and they are quite yummy.

So things aren't all bad if you have good food and a roof over your head, right?

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

More memes. It's that kind of day.

You are the Pirates of the Caribbean kiss!

Which Movie Kiss Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Fire Fairy
You are a Fire Queen. You are a Brave warroir and
you know how to fight for yourselve and your
kingdom. Your kingdom is very strong and
wealthy. You might get in some wars but mostly
you win and you fear nothing!

What kind of Queen are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well, that's just kind of cool. Don't you guys just love knowing how well I can take care of you all?

Loopy---You're fun. Have you been told that before?
You're not stressed out very often, and even if
you feel like you are, you can still trick
people into thinking you're having the time of
your life. You're concerned with making
yourself look good in the eyes of others, but
you don't freak out too much about personal
appearance. People want to be around you
because you will always lighten the mood in any

brought to you by Quizilla

Okay. That's a little frightening with how accurate it is.

You are Deb and you could drink whole milk if you

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Cool. I liked Deb.

Goofy Result

Which DISNEY character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Well, that's just perfect. Great. I'm Goofy. The most annoying of all Disney characters.

You're the Arrow Keys!
Totally unpredictable is your middle name. You're
wild and crazy, living from moment to moment
and going where the wind takes you. Some people
may call you eccentric, but you're just
following your heart and being true to

What computer key are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This is not overly surprising.

Okay. I can only take so many tests. What should I do now? I know. I'll set up a Frappr map. Thanks for the idea, Nancy.

Check out our Frappr!