Thursday, April 24, 2008

E is for Eddy

I do not know why I've had so much difficulty coming up with a topic for E. I thought about Exes but that's just way too depressing to think about my past love life. I was going to write about a past employer that truly ticked me off but I found myself getting incredibly long-winded. And then it hit me. It's not like there isn't a 5 pound* squirming orange annoying pest cat named Eddy that is constantly under foot.*

*He may be closer to 10 pounds now. He's getting a pretty big belly.

E is for Eddy

Eddy entered my life many years ago. Anywhere between 1995-1998. Probably 1998 but I don't really remember (yet another reason not to have kids. "Mom, when was I born? How old am I?" "How the hell should I know? Ask your Aunt Kari"). My roommate at the time brought him home to add to her growing cat collection. Here was this tiny bundle of orange fur that fit into the palm of my hand and who had a tail that was so long, you could wrap it around him 3 times. I fell in complete and total love.

My roommate was going to name him Peaches and I rebelled. First of all, I hate peaches. They are a disgusting fruit and completely gross me out. In fact, I refuse to even say things are "just peachy" and will instead say "just orangy." Because I am weird. And also, he obviously wasn't a Peaches. He was an Edmund Orange.

Edmund Gray was the name of one of the characters on All My Children, a soap that my roommate watched and one that I had started watching with her (I am flexible that way. I don't particularly have a soap that I watch but will watch whatever my roommates are addicted to. Right now it's Guiding Light and As the World Turns). He was my favorite so I named Eddy after him.

Also, in high school, my nickname was Edmund Wayde the 2nd.* Or Eddy. So it was only natural that I name my cat after Edmund Gray and myself. Or natural in my world.

*Edmund Wayde the 1st was one of the 4 parrots in my stuffed animal collection. Edmund after my favorite song at the time "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" and Wayde after the really hot guy who worked at Donatelle's where my friends and I would hang out on the weekends.

Eddy was curious and intrigued by anything. His favorite things to do were to "help" Anya or myself with things. One of these times was when Anya was putting up Christmas lights. Eddy was absolutely fascinated with this. He would watch her put the light cord into the suction cup holder and stick it to the window. And then he would bat at it until it fell down. He could repeat this for hours. Even when she put him in another room so she could hang them, it was normal to find the lights hanging askew the next morning. It was hilarious. Anya wasn't as amused as I was but hey, to each their own.

As you can see, he still has a fascination with lights. This was taken about 3 years ago.

Let there be light strings

This was my Christmas card. Apparently I'm not the only one with Bright Shiny Object syndrome.

Ooh, pretty

Another time, I had fallen asleep on the couch. It was summer and my bedroom was incredibly hot since the air conditioning didn't reach much past the kitchen, let alone down the hallway. I woke up at about 3 AM by this strange ringing, jingling noise. What was it? Where was it coming from?

It was my cat. Anya had turned off the air and opened the patio door to allow fresh air to come in through the screen door. Since Eddy still had his claws, he had managed to open the door. Excited with his newfound freedom, he decided to run back and forth on the patio. Jingle, jingle. Jingle, jingle, jingle. Jingle. Smart enough to open the door, not smart enough to actually take off.

At the same time I discovered Eddy was outside, Nala had run into Anya's room and started meowing loudly to wake her up.* Anya came wandering into the living room and we then realized that not only had Eddy made a run for the border, so had Prowler and Swayze (yes, named after Patrick, because the cat was fairly graceful and the ladies loved him), a cat we were watching for a friend.

*We decided she was telling on the boys. It sounded exactly like a little girl running to her mother to tattle tale.

Thus began the Cat Wrangling event. I finally coaxed Eddy inside and Anya and I started looking through the parking lot, hoping to find the errant boys. I found Swayze, crouched underneath a neighbor's car. He wouldn't come to me so I had to lie on the ground and squirm under the car until I was able to grab him. I was just waiting for someone to ask me just what the hell I was doing with their car but managed to not completely embarrass myself. I did, however, have a ton of gravel embedded in my knees. Not fun.

I decided to continue the search for Prowler a block over at our old apartment building because he had loved to go outside and stare at the ducks that lived in the pool (the pool had been closed for years but had filled up with rain water). While looking for him, our old neighbor nearly gave me a heart attack by standing in the shadows. Since there were no lights in the parking lot, I didn't see him until he smiled and his gleaming teeth said hello. Freaked the heck out of me. Prowler was not to be found, not that an almost completely black cat would be easy to spot. Finally, at about 4:00, I headed for home, only to find out Prowler had returned about 15 minutes after I had brought Swayze back.

Eddy will no longer wear a collar and he really hates it when I try to put hats on him (but it's fun and I'm really mean so I'll keep trying) but he still loves to try and escape. There has been many times that I am chasing him down the hallway, hissing for him to stop running. He has walked into someone else's apartment before. That was fun, having to knock on their door and say "Hey, uh, my cat is in your apartment" wanting to say "Um, dude, why is your door open? Do you not understand the whole cats and curiosity thing?"

Here are some more recent pictures of Eddy and also the Demon Cat, Sebastian. I will be getting the Demon Cat again in May while Kari and Eric go to Las Vegas for Rob (Eric's Dad) and Betty's (Rob's long time girlfriend) wedding. I apparently will also be watching gerbils or hamsters...some sort of rodent. That should be fun.

This picture is when Eddy and Sebastian started playing together but before Sebastian decided to try and make Eddy his bitch.

Eddy and Sebastian

Eddy in a box. This is normal. The other day, Keem and I heard this strange thumping noise and discovered the cat with his head inside of the box her cell phone came in. The box barely came to his shoulders but he was trying like crazy to get all of himself inside of it. He's just slightly insane.

Box Kitty

Okay, when I said recent pictures, I meant around Christmas. It takes me a little time to load pictures. As you can see, Eddy's already trying to get rid of the hat.

Apparently Eddy doesn't understand what "Kitty!  Look here!" means

Here Eddy poses by the Christmas tree. The pink beaded ornament was created by yours truly. Enjoy my mad beading skills. It's amazing at how creative I am (wow! I can make a semi-spiral! Woo-hoo!).

Eddy and tree

Eddy is trying to attack the garland I am making for the tree. Shocking, isn't it, that a cat would try to attack a string?

Okay, now he's making his move

Eddy makes love to the camera. Well, actually it's the tripod but still...

Eddy makes love to the camera

Okay, that's it for now. Any suggestions for F? This encyclopedia thing is harder than I thought. I have no clue how Sass did it!

Monday, April 21, 2008

I have nothing to post about. It's very sad. So I bring you blogthings

Your Aura is Red
You have a high level of emotion. This can mean passion, but it can also mean rage.Usually, you don't take these emotions out on others. You just use them as motivation - and it works!
The purpose of your life: embracing all the wonders of the life, lots of travels, and tons of adventures
Famous reds include: Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez
Careers for you to try: Dancer, Boxer, Surgeon

You Are Batman
Billionaire playboy by day. Saving the world by night.And you're not even a true superhero. Just someone with a lot of expensive toys!

Yeah, are we really surprised by this?

Your Love Number is 7
When you fall in love, you experience it to the fullest.You are a cheerful, joyful soul - and you attract people easily.While you fall for people quickly, you also fall out of love quickly.It takes a dynamic, exciting lover to keep your attention long term!
You Are Most Like Bill Clinton
No doubt, your legacy may be a little seedier than you'd like.But even though you've done some questionable things, you're still loved by almost all.
The Recipe For Dana

3 parts Enchantment
2 parts Slyness
1 part Rebellion

Splash of Pizzazz

Finish off with a little umbrella and straw

The Recipe For Dana Marie

3 parts Desire
2 parts Brilliance
1 part Inspiration

Splash of Warmth

Limit yourself to one serving. This cocktail is strong!

You Are an Orange

You have a zest for life, especially for anything colorful, wild, or dramatic.
You have a unique take on the world, and you're not afraid to be a little funky.

You are a bit reserved toward people who don't know you well.
You have a thick skin, which can protect you from anything that goes wrong in your life.

Once someone does get to know you, they totally get and appreciate you.
Your friends see you as a bright person with a refreshing take on life.

What Your Taste in Chocolate Says About You

You are sweet, mellow, and easily satisfied. You don't like anything too intense and dramatic. Deep down, you're a kid at heart... and you're nostalgic for the past.

You are down to earth and lovable. A true friend, you're very tolerant and understanding.
In fact, your friends' biggest problem is that they don't like each other!

You love new adventures and activities. You enjoy living a full life, even if it is chaotic.
You feel lost when things are quiet. You rather not think... you prefer to just do!

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Would telling the IRS to bite me be considered a terrorist threat?

I hate them. I really, really do. I think they deliberately made the 1040 to be as complicated as possible to include all these freakin' numbers that I don't understand, because, let's face it, I don't understand math (even though I do accept it is the one true universal language (well, this one at least. My universe, the one I am Queen of, refuses to acknowledge it))) and so I had to pay Turbo Tax $64.90 to figure it out for me.

But! My taxes are filed and I am even getting a refund.

I still hate them though. My heart seethes with anger. Dang them! Dang them and their numbers!

And yes, all of my co-workers have laughed hysterically to hear me cursing to myself about a) taxes, b) where the heck is my 1099B and c) what the hell is my cost basis? There may have been the occasional comment of "Seriously? You're filing today? Dana, you know better." Okay. There were a lot of comments about that.

And I am seriously, seriously grateful to the NABABNA Investment Rep who faxed me my 1099B and only laughed at me a little bit when I said at the beginning of the call, and I quote, "You are going to laugh at me and I understand. I know better. But I had a 1099B and somehow I lost it and I know perfectly well that I'm going to find it in 3 weeks and I work for Stock Holder Services and know better than this because I deal with these people on a daily basis…" And he said "I can fax you your 1099B right now."

I may have told him I loved him.

Oh, and I really, really love Candorville by Darrin Bell. Especially today.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Have you seen this? Have you? Is there any wonder why I love him?

This is the first time I've seen the full version, thank God for YouTube.  Is it weird that I really want a Go Phone now?  Even though we've proven twice now that I don't use a cell phone when I have it and probably wouldn't use this one?  But it would be a good thing to have a cell phone.  I could call people.  When I'm on vacation.  Yes.  And other times.  Perhaps I will get a Go Phone.  This is the power of advertisement, people!  This is the power of Meat Loaf!

Anyway, back to the whole reason I linked this video.  Keem and I were watching the short version the other day.

Keem:  Meat Loaf's son is kind of hot.
DM:  Meat Loaf doesn't have a son.  He has…uh…a step daughter and a daughter.*
Keem:  Fine.  The guy who plays Meat Loaf's son is kind of hot.
DM:  Yes.  I would agree.  But Meat Loaf's hotter.

*If you're wondering how I am such an expert on Meat Loaf's parental status, that would be because I read his autobiography, To Hell and Back.  It was awesome.  That man has been through so much.**

**I've also read The Rock's autobiography.  One of these days I'm going to get Adam West's.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Okay, I know it doesn't count as a real post but it made me snort. Twice.

As a born again Christian, I find that I am in a small minority.  That minority is called "People that believe that Jesus is their savior but don't believe that means they should Lord (hee, pun intended) it over everyone because that's not what Jesus had in mind, you hypocritical jack ass.  And yes, George W. Bush, I'm talking to you."

It's a wordy name for a minority but I kind of like it. 

Anyway, I saw this on Overheard in New York and, as I said, it made me snort. 

Everybody's Saved. Now Could Somebody Buy Me Breakfast?
Uptight middle-aged evangelist woman: You are all sinners. Jesus Christ is coming and you are all going to be condemned to hell.
Toothless eighty-year-old hobo: I'm Jesus.
Uptight middle-aged evangelist woman: Jesus is coming and you all will be dining with Satan.
Toothless eighty-year-old hobo: I'm already here. I'm Jesus.
Uptight middle-aged evangelist woman: No you aren't.
Toothless eighty-year-old hobo: I'm telling you, I'm Jesus. How do you know I'm not Jesus?
NYU hipster: My lord! You have returned!       

Personally, I think Satan might be an interesting dining companion. 

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Want a cat? I've got one. Free to a good home.

Yes, Eddy's still the most adorable cat in the world. And I love the little brat, even though he is completely and totally Keem addicted. However, Keem was out of town this weekend so I was subjected to constant mrowing.

Eddy's complaints? While I don't speak cat, I'm pretty sure this is what he had to say:

  • You are not Keem.

  • Keem prepares my wet food in a much better manner.

  • Where is my ice water?

  • Where is Keem?

  • Why is Keem not here?

  • You. Person who I vaguely remember as being the one who has cherished me and loved me since I was six weeks old, what is your name again? I miss Keem who I have only known for approximately six years. How old am I anyway?

  • What do you mean you don't know? What kind of mother are you?

  • Did I mention that I missed Keem?

  • Hello! Play with me! I do not care that it is 2 in the morning. I am bored! Entertain me!

Monday night, after recovering from an absolute crappy day (and yes, I do mean that literally because I decided to ignore the fact that onions and I do not get along and had them for breakfast (on a sub. I don't just eat raw onions. I used to. God, I love onions. They are so yummy)), I needed my rest. I did not get rest. Instead, I got 5 pounds of squirming cat that wanted attention.

Now, keep in mind that Eddy, even though he is technically my cat, does not pay attention to me unless Keem is out of town. Then I, as his default person, become worthy of his notice.

He went a little overboard on Monday, though.

Every freaking 2 hours, he was on my bed. Looking at me. Or brushing up against me. Or walking all over me. And when I would wake up, I could actually see his little cat brain working.

This is what I swear to God he was saying.

"Oh! You're awake? What a happy coincidence! I'm awake as well! This is the perfect opportunity for you to play with me! Isn't it wonderful how that worked out?"

Fortunately Keem came home yesterday. However, I still was visited by Eddy last night. Only once. Luckily for him.

Also, want to see what my new glasses are going to look like? I love them. Patti, I was not able to find pink science nerd glasses which would have been awesome but I think these are pretty cool.

Here's the thing that scares me a little. This is who made the glasses.

Yes. You read that right. I am going to be wearing Hilary Duff glasses. Good Lord.