Thursday 13 - #2

Okay, I’m a bit early but that’s okay. We’ll deal with it. I had to post this today because today is Keem’s birthday and we are awfully fond of her. Well, I’m assuming that all of you are fond of her as well. I’m really not using the royal “we” here. I try to avoid that. People think I am daft enough as it is. Someday, they’ll recognize me for my great and awesome powers but for now, I’m willing to just sit back and observe. Who of you will be in my court when I come into my powers? Who of you will be banned from my presence forever? I’m watching you. Mwahahaha.

It’s probably not a good idea to do the evil laugh when you’re trying to convince people that you’d be a good Queen of the Universe, huh? Pretend you didn’t see that.

Thirteen Reasons Why Keem is Great byDana, Queen of the Universe 1. She is very funny and makes me laugh. Lots. 2. She convinced me to apply for the job at Stock Owner Services and has agreed to have the same schedule as me so I don’t have to take the stupid bus. 3. She will (usually) listen to me whine (or, as I like to refer to it, creatively complain). She does draw the line at the following items – I am not allowed to say “Keem, I am dying” when I have a cold and I am not allowed to say that I am tired on Mondays and Fridays because I chose to go to karaoke and therefore did it to myself. 4. She will remind me when my shows come on and can even be persuaded to tape them for me. Plus, we watch a lot of the same shows and it is fun to discuss the outcome. 5. She is very helpful at reminding me that I have a budget and there are things I should not spend money on. She is the voice of reason. 6. If not for her (and Beth), my life would be Chaos. Instead it is organized Chaos. 7. She is the best cook ever. Even better is that she actually likes to cook and that is why I do not exist on an all Ramen noodles diet (I like Ramen noodles but 3 times a day would be excessive). Even better is that she understands that tomatoes are evil and I never end up having to worry about finding them scattered willy-nilly throughout my food. 8. She likes movies just as much as me and often suggests that we partake in double features. And the occasional triple feature. 9. We like to read a lot of the same authors so we’ll share books and avidly wait until the other person finishes to book so we can discuss it with each other. 10. She remembers the practical things like laundry detergent and dishwashing liquid and cat food when we go to the store (I remember the more fun things like ice cream. Ice cream is very important). She also understands that I cannot live in a mustard free household and reminds me when we are running low. Or reminds me that we already have mustard and I don’t need to buy a new bottle (Sometimes I panic over the possibility of being mustard free). She also understands that Plochman’s mustard is the best and French’s is a close second and that, under any circumstance, never will I eat Heinz’s mustard (although I prefer their ketchup). 11. She will share her ice cream with me when I only bought a pint of ice cream and she bought two boxes of ice cream bars and I am jealous over her plethora of frozen treats. 12. She loves my cat. My cat loves her. Maybe a little too much since he seems to spend more time with her. But it is fun having someone to discuss your cat with and all of his little idiosyncrasies (and understand when you panic because he is sitting in Jeff’s former room in the dark, silently mrowing to himself and will come to the room and talk to him with you about how it’ll all be okay). 13. She will humor me when I say things like “Keem! Keem! The birds! Did you see the birds, Keem? Did you? They were flying! (Or hopping or sitting around thinking bird thoughts)” Usually her response is “Yes, Dana, those were birds (or squirrels or BALLOONS!).” And when I say “I like birds” she will say “Really? I never would have known.” There are many other reasons why Keem is one of the best friends ever but these are the top 13. I could keep going but I’ll stop. Happy birthday, Keem! For your birthday, I will buy you Monk Season Two and you will receive it around the same time that you get Monk Season One which I am buying for your last birthday (yet another reason she is awesome. She won’t let me buy it for her because it’s not in my budget). Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

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Thursday 13 - #1

I have decided to jump on the bandwagon that is Thursday 13. Because I can. And, quite frankly, I am bored. Because lately work has been the opposite of incredibly busy and please, someone gauge out my eyes because I don't want to have to answer the phone anymore (although I suppose that would be gauge out my ears, really, for it to be practical).

Thirteen Things that confuse, puzzle or annoy Dana, Queen of the Universe Why isn't surprise spelled like surprize? It makes more sense. And, quite frankly, I like it better. Because usually surprises are like prizes. Working in the Stock Transfer department of NABABNA, we sometimes participate in what is called a reorganization when companies decide to merge, etc. So we send out forms for them to fill out, along with a list of instructions. What gets me is that the list of instructions will typically have a piece of paper that is completely blank except for a line of type through the middle that says "This page left intentionally blank." This bugs the heck out of me. Technically, if the line of type is there, the page isn't blank anymore so you can't say, in all honesty, that the page has been left intentionally blank. Shouldn't they write "We decided not to print anything on this page but realized that you're all a bunch of idiots and would call and pester the people working in the Stock Transfer department of NABABNA about why the page was blank so we're writing this statement here to help you figure it out." Do people not understand that the function of a turning lane is that you're supposed to turn from it instead of sort of straddling it so you're blocking everyone behind you from being able to pass you and get to their destination? Just who decided how we were going to pronounce words anyway? Why can't it be super-fluous and lay-pels if I want it to be that way? Why is it that, because some idiots decided to play on the internet while taking calls, I (well, the whole department now) have just been told that I can't blog in between calls. This bites. Big time. But it does inspire me to get my computer fixed very soon. Why has my TMJ picked now to start acting up? I go weeks, months, years, without any problems but this week (starting Saturday), it has been very painful. Stupid TMJ. I curse you with a thousand curses. There was a woman who came in today and got all mad at Co-worker John because the price of her stock went up and she received more money than she thought she would for her stock sale. Um, hello? Isn't that a good thing? Why doesn't Keem want to go to the library? Why? Books are our friends. Speaking of books, now that I have to pack things in preparation of the move, I have come to the realization that I may actually own too many books. Although that is somewhat sacrilegious so I take it back. I do not own too many books. I own too many stupid books that I will never read again and so I must weed through them in preparation of the day that I will have money again and can increase my beautiful book collection. I love books. They are our friends. I may have mentioned that. Why is it that I will avoid drama movies, the type that I refer to as tear jerkers, but find myself avidly seeing out an author that I know will make me cry? Her name is Jodi Picoult and she is trying to kill me (by making me cry myself to death (Beth is trying to kill me by making me laugh myself to death (She is the slowest assassin in the world) so they cancel each other out). So far I have read Vanishing Acts (about a woman who was kidnapped by her father when she was a child), My Sister's Keeper (about a 13 year old girl who was conceived to be a genetic match for her older sister and decides to sue her parents for medical emancipation) and The Pact (about a girl and her boyfriend who make a suicide pact (not exactly but I can't write more without giving away the entire plot (and I know it sounds incredibly dark and horrible but it was so very moving))) and I highly recommend that you check her out. When I tell you that I like her as much as I like Nora Roberts but for completely different ways, that is a huge compliment because Nora Roberts is my favorite author. But Jodi Picoult is on her way to second favorite. Why am I so tired? I'm taking my Seraquel and going to bed at a decent hour. Maybe I'm actually bored. But I am excited about karaoke tonight! Karaoke, karaoke, karaoke! How is it that I can't actually think of 13 things? I had a whole bunch of them yesterday. Sheesh. Why is it raining right now? Sheesh again. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! Lingerie Lady K Amy Brony (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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DM, Queen of the Universe

Okay, I promised to explain what I meant when I referred to myself as DM, Queen of the Universe. Once upon a time, I worked for another bank in the Payments Department. There were a lot of women there and, as women tend to do, we enjoyed getting together and having a good time and, on occasion, we would work as well. We had great relationships and would joke around with each other. One of the women, Mermaid, would refer to me as a dork.

We were going to the coffee shop one day and I, being somewhat dramatic, made an announcement that would change my life forever. I obviously wasn't feeling I was getting enough attention because all eyes were focused on whomever was pregnant that week.

DM (with sweeping hand gestures to draw attention back to her): Hello? Hello? Pay attention to meeeeeeeeee. (She is ignored and gives a big sigh) You are all a bunch of dorks. I am surrounded by dorks. I am the Queen of Dorks and you are all my entourage.

Mermaid: DM, if you really want to be the Queen of the Dorks, I won't argue with you.

So, for a while, I was satisfied with the adulation of dorks everywhere, but eventually began to feel that this wasn't enough. I then conquered the world in a seamless coup (you didn't even notice, right?) but have decided that World Domination was just not enough for me. I declared myself as the Queen of the Universe approximately four years ago and have been very happy with my rule.

Oh, and to prove I'm not just another insane person with delusions of grandeur, I have proof that I'm the Queen of the Universe. Yes, I hold in my hands (okay, in with all the Christmas stuff) a Christmas ornament my sister bought for me that says "Queen of the Universe." See? Isn't it all clear?

The problem with this, of course, is that I do have to put up with the occasional subject that doesn't recognize my authority...this would pretty much be everybody. It is very sad. But I still carry on.

Keem was not dead

I know you all read the post on June 5th and were horrified at the thought that Keem might be dead. You will be happy to know that she was alive. However, she was not properly grateful that I had suspended all of my personal enjoyment to make sure she was alive. I know, dear reader, I was shocked as well. Here is our conversation.

Keem is in the living room, sitting on the couch, watching TV.

DM (kind, caring tone): Keem, are you dead?
Keem (not so kind tone): Yes.

I don't remember what I said next but I'm sure I expressed deep sorrow that she was dead. I certainly did not ask her what she was making for supper. I would obviously prepare the food for my roommate if she was ill. And if she says otherwise, she is a liar! But you knew that, right? Because she told me she was dead and she wasn't. Of course, since she doesn't have a blog, you would have no idea what her opinion is, right? And no, Keem, this does not come under the category of nagging you to get a blog. This is just a simple comment to my loyal subjects, I mean readers.

I think I might have been a cat in a past life. Okay, I leave you with these thoughts, a glimpse into the random madness that is I, DM, Queen of the Universe.

Yes, I'll explain that later. Got to go back to work and get yelled at by more customers.