DM, Queen of the Universe

Okay, I promised to explain what I meant when I referred to myself as DM, Queen of the Universe. Once upon a time, I worked for another bank in the Payments Department. There were a lot of women there and, as women tend to do, we enjoyed getting together and having a good time and, on occasion, we would work as well. We had great relationships and would joke around with each other. One of the women, Mermaid, would refer to me as a dork.

We were going to the coffee shop one day and I, being somewhat dramatic, made an announcement that would change my life forever. I obviously wasn't feeling I was getting enough attention because all eyes were focused on whomever was pregnant that week.

DM (with sweeping hand gestures to draw attention back to her): Hello? Hello? Pay attention to meeeeeeeeee. (She is ignored and gives a big sigh) You are all a bunch of dorks. I am surrounded by dorks. I am the Queen of Dorks and you are all my entourage.

Mermaid: DM, if you really want to be the Queen of the Dorks, I won't argue with you.

So, for a while, I was satisfied with the adulation of dorks everywhere, but eventually began to feel that this wasn't enough. I then conquered the world in a seamless coup (you didn't even notice, right?) but have decided that World Domination was just not enough for me. I declared myself as the Queen of the Universe approximately four years ago and have been very happy with my rule.

Oh, and to prove I'm not just another insane person with delusions of grandeur, I have proof that I'm the Queen of the Universe. Yes, I hold in my hands (okay, in with all the Christmas stuff) a Christmas ornament my sister bought for me that says "Queen of the Universe." See? Isn't it all clear?

The problem with this, of course, is that I do have to put up with the occasional subject that doesn't recognize my authority...this would pretty much be everybody. It is very sad. But I still carry on.