The Fish Hook Saga

Just because I'm Queen of the Universe doesn't mean I don't do dumb things. I know, it is hard to believe that I could ever make a mistake but, yes, occasionally I do. Here is a classic Tale of Dana. I'm pretty sure I was either 9 or 11 so please, when you laugh, and you will, do not fall out of your chair. It wasn't that funny and I was young. To get an idea of how young I was, I had just lost a tooth that weekend because I ate a marathon bar (I miss those so much and, apparently, I'm not the only one. Here's a link for a substitute).

So, my sister (Kari) and I are on a camping trip with the parents and friends of the parents. We have gone for a walk through the park and are on our way back to the campsite when Dana sees something on the ground. What could it be?

It is a fish hook which is attached to some fishing line. How interesting (okay, not really but my Mom wouldn't let me bring any books along and I was bored. I was supposed to embrace Nature that weekend)! I immediately picked the fish hook up. Now, there are two elements that lead up to what happened.

1) I was bored
2) I am a Pisces
3) I have an overactive imagination (you would never guess, right?).

I decided it would be a scientific experiment to find out what it feels like to be a fish (this is where the Pisces part comes in). So I took the fish hook and put it into my mouth. Yes, I know. I can sense my mother cringing as she thinks about all the germs that were on that hook (And before anyone makes a comment about how is this scientific, I have mentioned repeatedly that I am not a logical person. I lack common sense. I make up for this lack by being ever so charming and imaginative).

The hook fit perfectly on the inside of my mouth. I could feel the barbed end up against my lip. There wasn't any pain and I could have easily taken the hook out of my mouth. Operative words in that sentence were "I could have."

As I mentioned, the fish hook was attached to fishing line. As I stood there, in the middle of the road with a fish hook in my mouth, I noticed that the end of the line had been made into a loop. I remember that it was fastened with tiny orange beads.

"Hmm," I thought to myself. "I wonder what would happen if I put my big toe inside of that loop." I slid my toe inside the loop and stood there a moment, my foot angled ever so slightly. "Hmm. I wonder what would happen if I put my foot down."

Well, I'll tell you what happened. Absolute pain! The hook sliced through the fleshy part of my inner lip (I can't remember if it went all the way through, I'll have to ask Mom) and horrific pain radiated through my mouth. I needed to find my Mom immediately and get her to fix this! There was one little problem though, the fishing line loop was still attached to my big toe. Kari tried to remove it but was unable to because every movement of the fishing line resulted in more pain. What to do, what to do?

I have to wonder how my mother ever kept her sanity with me as a daughter. How odd would it be to be sitting with all of your friends and seeing both of your daughters approach the campsite with tears running down their faces. Your youngest daughter is in the lead and your oldest daughter (the one who should know better) seems to be hobbling, almost as if there was an invisible string pulling her right foot into the air. And why is there blood coming from her mouth?

Needless to say, this day has gone down in ignominy for me. Not only did my parents get to see just how daft I truly was, so did all of their friends. Fortunately, one of my Dad's friends was a veterinarian and he was able to remove the hook from my mouth. And, as if that was not embarrassing enough, I had to go to the doctor to get a tetanus shot. I can still remember my Mom saying "Tell her, Dana" to the Nurse when she was asked why I needed the tetanus shot. I can still remember the look of disbelief on the Nurse's face and then the laughter...Oh the echoing laughter. It still haunts me to this day. Okay, obviously not or else I wouldn't publish this. This is all Keem's fault. She reminded me of it today.

Update - dang that Brooksba (Beth to the uninitiated), she has left a post that reminds me, once again, that I should always edit before I post...apparently I have neglected to realize that there are 3 elements to what caused me to mar myself for life (yes, I still have the scar). Of course, she would notice this because this is a woman who admits that she does algebra for fun. For fun! Does anyone else see how incredibly wrong that is?

Previous Comments

At 12:07 PM, brooksba said...
Hello DM!

I love how you consistently prove the lack of logic through your posts. I especially enjoyed "Now, there are two elements that lead up to what happened.

1) I was bored
2) I am a Pisces
3) I have an overactive imagination (you would never guess, right?)."

I guess math is not your forte, huh? I loved the post! It's a great story. =)