Friday, November 26, 2004

'Tis the Season to get drunk and threaten Security with a knife

I've been thinking about Thanksgiving and that makes me think about my first "real" job at the Kotton Kandy Shoppe (fake name but believe me when I tell you it is a "super cute" name, just like Kotton Kandy) and how my boss got drunk.

Consider the tracks of Dana's mind.

I've been thinking about giving thanks and Thanksgiving.
That makes me think about Christmas because it's the next major holiday.
That makes me think of "Hmm, what am I going to buy my family (both real & Sheepsheadian) for Christmas?"
That makes me think about how much I absolutely hate shopping (well, I love to shop. I just hate crowds. And MALLS (Blech. Sense the shuddering. Invented by the Devil, malls were. Well, that's my theory anyway)).
That makes me think of why I hate shopping and why I'm really glad that I answer the phone instead of working in a branch and having to deal with customers face to face.
That makes me think of when this all started, this love/hate relationship between customers and myself.
That makes me think about the Kotton Kandy Shoppe and the drunken boss.

Yeah. I get a little scared as well. Probably more than you because I have to live with this mind and you just get the occasional glimpse into it.

Anyway, my first "real" job (in other words, not babysitting and not just a summer job) was working for the Kotton Kandy Shoppe in Maplewood Mall. It was great. Yes, that is sarcasm. The owner of the company was a crabby, evil man named Darrin (again, fake name. All of the remaining names are fake names. Mainly because I don't remember most of the real names) but fortunately I didn't have to deal with him that much.

I got this job right around Christmas time. My friend Anya worked there as the assistant manager. The manager's name was Laurie or Sue or Carmelita. I don't remember. I'm pretty sure it wasn't Carmelita but for the fun of it, let's call her that.

Kotton Kandy was located in the food court, along with all of the other restaurants. On our left side was Taco Shoppe (where I later ended up working at) and on the right side was Pretzel Shoppe (could you imagine if I ever owned a mall? All the stores would be named like this. There would be Underwear Shoppe & Book Shoppe & Toy Shoppe. Short and simple and to the point). Also located in the same area was the Hamburger Shoppe (and they would let us steal pickle slices from them so I could eat ice cream and pickles (and yet, I've never been pregnant. Also, not so yummy sounding now) and the Hot Dog Shoppe and the Chinese Shoppe.

Carmelita had a feud going on with the manager of the Hot Dog Shoppe. I do not remember what the reason was but it had something to do with Johan (the manager. Male. Very short) and the assistant manager of the Hot Dog Shoppe (Don't remember her name but she was tall, had this perpetual "I Am A Bitch" look. Carmelita hated her. With a fiery passion. So we'll call her Meredith after Meredith Brooks and the "I'm a Bitch" song). According to Carmelita, Johan & Meredith were having an affair. This filled Carmelita with a loathing that was as deep and wide as the ocean. Other than the fact that Johan was married, I'm not sure what the problem was. Carmelita didn't seem to have a problem with anyone else having an affair, just Johan & Meredith.

The reasons for her hatred would vary in the few short days that I worked with Carmelita. One day it would be because of the alleged affair. Another day it was because Johan & Meredith allegedly asked her to join in a threesome. But then we came to the worst day of all, when Carmelita's rage boiled over & splashed over all in her path.

Signs leading to the Volcanic Eruption of Mount Carmelita:

Leaving for about an hour and bring back several large bottles of liquor. Informing all of the employees "We're going to have a party." Mixing alcohol with soft serve ice cream in an attempt to make Brandy Alexander’s without a blender. Drinking several mock Brandy Alexander’s.

Threatening an employee (me) who states, "I'm really not comfortable about drinking at work" with "Do it or don't come back to work tomorrow." Now, this was in 1985 & I was 18 so legal to drink (The law changed to 21 six months after my birthday) but there were some younger employees. She told me to make them drinks as well. If I remember correctly, Anya and I just mixed the ice cream with Coke so it looked like they were drinking mock Brandy Alexander’s.

Sending me on a mission to casually walk around to the Hot Dog Shoppe & see if Johan and/or Meredith were working up front. Leaving after I said that they were.

Slamming the door as she came running fifteen minutes later and starting on a vant about how Johan & Meredith cornered her in the back hallways and tried to push her down the elevator shaft. (Which was not true because Hello? I just saw them on my second walk-by. Ooh, how James Bondian I was with my casual "I'm just picking up some trays. For the 2nd time in ten minutes" stroll).

Vowing her revenge with a heated cry. Grabbing a knife from the back shelf when we weren't looking. Heading out into the parking lot with eyes stained red with rage.

Am I scaring you? Good. We were a little freaked out as well.

Anyway, some time goes by. We talk amongst ourselves about the oddness that is Carmelita and continue to work. We have no idea what she is actually doing as we slave over hot pans of caramel corn and make cotton candy (Cotton candy is the most evil thing in the world. I don’t get the whole point to it. It’s sugar. That’s it. With some food coloring. And if you make it, it flies up and gets into your hair and then cute boys you like ask you why your hair is gray and it’s not gray, it’s blue and pink and brown (I had yet to discover hair dye)).

Meanwhile, the camera cuts away to the parking lot. Your eyes follow the camera as it zooms down an aisle of parked cars. It stops suddenly. What was that? What was that hunched over figure between those two cars? Is that a person? The camera moves back slightly and there you see her. Carmelita. Respected Kotton Kandy manager. Gleefully stabbing and twisting the knife, ignoring the blood that runs down her hands. And she laughs. Hahaha. That’ll show Johan. That’ll show Meredith. Gouge and poke, twist and stab.

Apparently Carmelita stumbled her way up to Johan’s car and decided to slice his tires. But she wasn’t content with just poking a hole or two. No, she wanted to actually saw the tire apart so it couldn’t be fixed. Which is why she had blood all over her hands (hers) and why she only managed to damage one tire before security showed up.

Security wasn’t known for their brilliance. I know this because I, on several occasions, managed to avoid security and do two things verboten (Smoke in the back hallway. Get stoned with the cleaning crew (in case you’re wondering, it really wasn’t the cleaning crew that was the problem. I’m pretty sure that it was the getting stoned part they didn’t like). But even Dudley Do-Right and Barney Fife would be hard-pressed not to notice the crazy woman in the middle of a tire massacre.

Something tipped Carmelita off. She looked up and saw the two security officers and did what comes naturally to the crazy. She ran like the wind. If the wind was extremely drunk and bleeding and pissed off at the world. There was stumbling and cursing involved.

I sometimes like to imagine this in my mind. Picture it, if you will. A very slight woman in a bulky coat and blood dripping from her hands. She is running through hordes of Christmas shoppers, shoving people out of her way, as she tries to out-run the security guards. Who have walkie-talkies and know how to use them. They are chasing her, past the Shoe Shoppe, down the stairs and into the food court.

And here’s where Anya and I get to see the glorious conclusion to Blood on the Snow – The Kotton Kandy Story.

Carmelita tries to come over the counter where I am ringing up purchases but there are too many customers in the way. She runs down to the end of the store and flings herself over the counter, pushing the girl making cotton candy out of the way. We all stare at her dumbfounded. “Anya,” she snaps. “If Security shows up, you haven’t seen me.”

She runs into the back storage room. Anya looks up into the eyes of the head Security Guard. Who was within five steps of Carmelita when she made her dramatic announcement. Anya motions to the back. He nods. We all share a look of “Who the hell does she think she’s kidding?” Carmelita, meanwhile, flings open the door to the back hallway, ready to make her escape. She runs straight into the arms of Security Guard #2.

Later that evening, as Anya and I are leaving, after we’ve cleaned up and polished the store especially nice, she is freaking out about how she is going to lose her job. “Why would you lose your job?” I ask. She is worried that Darrin will fire her because Carmelita got drunk. I remind her that she is the assistant manager and not God. She is still freaked out and, when we reach the Security Desk to sign out, can’t find her keys.

“Where the hell did I put my keys?” she mutters, searching through her purse.
“Maybe Carmelita drank them,” the cute Security Guard says (friend of my first boyfriend. Sweet guy. I slept with him).

“That’s not funny, Gunn (Security. Gun. It works)!” Anya shrieks. For a moment, I think she will punch him. She doesn’t. She finds her keys and we leave. For the record, I thought it was kind of funny. Also, she didn’t get fired, she got promoted to manager. Because Carmelita was so fired. Anya finally came to her senses and quit. She eventually started working for the Hot Dog Shoppe. Johan was her manager. Nice guy. Really short.

Gunn and I went to the same college. One day, between classes, on the bench nearest the library, we were talking and fell asleep. So we would joke about how we slept together until his girlfriend told him to knock it off. She broke up with him in an evil, cruel way. I didn't like the girlfriend much.


At 2:09 PM, Matt said...

Father,You so need to write a book, this was hysterical. I oloved it! Loved it! Remind me to ask you for names when I decide to write a book, the names that you chose were priceless. Priceless! Please continue to write more, I beg you, I implore you to conitnue, continue! That is all that I have to say. Your son (that you do not love),


P.S. For the record, Scott did backhand the back of my shoulder in your defense about the whole Jesus dealing the cards comment.

At 2:25 PM, brooksba said...


This was terrific! Really wonderfully written. You are amazing. Thanks for sharing.


At 11:31 PM, DeAnn said...

Sometimes I think, "This woman has such funny stories that they MUST be made up." But then I remember that you are the queen of everything and you don't need to lie: Your life is that fabulous.

Oh, and about the train of thought? I am exactly the same way.


At about 5:00 PM today, my boss asked if he could talk to me for a minute.

For some reason, having my boss (any boss, past or present) coming up to my desk and asking me if he/she could talk to me for a minute fills me with total fear. I don't know why that is. Mike F. used to go nuts because every time he asked to talk to me I would always ask him if he was firing me. No matter what. I don't know why, it is just a reflex.

So Mike N. asks me this and the first thing I say to him is "Are you firing me?"

He laughs and says no. Matt, who I know from my previous job at NABABNA, mock whispers "Mike, should I start cleaning out her desk?" We laugh. Hahaha. We're all so clever here at NABABNA.

Mike brings me into the conference room and we sit down. He then shows me a stack of papers stapled together that is about a half inch in thickness. It is a list of internet sites. Apparently, in one week, I visited over 500 web sites. 500. FIVE HUNDRED. How the hell did I do that?

Well, this report that they run, it only shows links that you click. So, for example, if I go to Beth's site and she has three new posts. So I want to leave comments on each one. That's a total of four links right there. Yikes. It seriously adds up when you think that I go through my entire blogroll list everyday at work. And if someone has linked to someone else or recommended visiting someone else's site, I'll click that. And so on and so on and so on. Yikes again. Mike did point out in my favor that I was only going on these links before and after work or during lunches and breaks. But still. 500 links is a lot. And one of these links garnered some extra attention because it was the post that Lioness had done about Samuel. So all they could see was one of the links had the word penis in it. I'm going to have to say it. Triple yikes. I did explain to Mike what that link was about and he was cool with it as well. But still.

While I haven't been grounded from the internet, I have been asked to tone it down just a tad. So that means I'll have to save my commenting and obsessive clicking (some of you people just don't post enough, dang it) for times like this. Hope you all understand.

Oh, and thanks, all of you, for being so interesting and funny and clever that you got me in hot water at work. Bunch of trouble makers.

You know I'm joking, right? You felt the love with the interesting and funny and clever part, right? You're not taking the trouble makers part seriously, right?

At 12:36 PM, The Lioness said...
I don't understand (and sorry abt the penis bit, I've been trying to change it to p*nis but Blogger won't let me into those posts). If you only do it bfr and after work, and during lunch hour, why is it bad? Does it cost them more? Also, there's a service that will tell you when blogs are updated: if you get a My Yahoo Page (free), you can set up RSS feeds so you receive the first few lines of any blog you choose and it shows the last time there were new posts; or try bloglines.
At 2:32 PM, brooksba said...
Poor Dana. =(I'm sorry you got busted. Does your work have a resource room? That would be nice, huh?I miss you already and we just played cards last night. Do I have to go to work? I want to go to a movie.
At 6:49 PM, Firebear said...
I hate when work gets in the way of blogging! Yes, I am fine, yes, I need to blog more. Yes I am trying my best. Yes I miss you guys! And don't give up on me yet!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Stories to come

A trip to Madison that involved a deer.
Stupid customer tricks from years ago (it'll be on Moron Mouth though).
Why Thanksgiving makes me think of my first "real" job and the manager who got drunk.

Hmm. I can't think of anything else. Anything you're dying to hear? Ask me questions. I will answer them.

How the Grinch Stole Marriage

Found this on frog's blog. Thought it was cute (until it made me cry, dang it. But the origional Grinch story gets me every time as well. It's the whole part where his heart and head starts swelling and he is all happy and everyone is happy and I start crying because I am a sap). Hopefully you will as well. Anyway, gay rights are very important to me because of the way I was brought up and also because I have many wonderful people in my life who are gay and they should have just as much right to get married as anyone else. Marriage should be defined as two people who love each other, not between a man and a woman.

How the Grinch Stole Marriage
by Mary Ann Horton, Lisa and Bill Koontz
(with apologies to Dr. Seuss.)

Every Gay down in Gayville liked Gay Marriage a lot...
But the Grinch, who lived just east of Gayville, did NOT!!
The Grinch hated happy Gays! The whole Marriage season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, his Florsheims were too tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all was
His heart and brain were two sizes too small.
"And they're buying their tuxes!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow's the first Gay Wedding! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Gay Marriage from coming!"
For, tomorrow, he knew... All the Gay girls and boys
would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their vows!
And then! Oh, the Joys! Oh, the Joys!
And THEN they'd do something he liked least of all!
Every Gay down in Gayville the tall and the small,
would stand close together, all happy and blissing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Gays would start kissing!
"I MUST stop Gay Marriage from coming! ...But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
"I know what to do!" The Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he went to his closet, grabbed his sheet and his hood.
And he chuckled, and clucked, with a great Grinchy word!
"With this beard and this cross, I look just like our Lord!"
"All I need is a Scripture..." The Grinch looked around.
But, true Scripture is scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch...? No! The Grinch simply said,
"With no Scripture on Marriage, I'll fake one instead!"
"It's one man and one woman," the Grinch falsely said.
Then he broke in the courthouse. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Georgie could do it, then so could the Grinch.
The little Gay benefits hung in a row.
"These bennies," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most uncanny,
around the whole room, and he took every benny!
Health care for partners! Doctors for kiddies!
Tax rights! Adoptions! Pensions and Wills!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, with a chill,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, in his bill.
Then he slunk to the kitchen, and stole Wedding Cake.
He cleaned out that icebox and made it look straight.
He took the Gay-bar keys! He took the Gay Flag.
Why, that Grinch even took their last Gay birdseed bag!
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will pocket their Rings."
And the Grinch grabbed the Rings, and he started to shove
when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and off flew his hood.
Little Lisa-Bi Gay behind him sadly stood.
The Grinch had been caught by small Lisa-Bi.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "My, oh, my, why?"
"Why are you taking our Wedding Rings? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Shepherd sneered,
"The judges are evil, the other states weird."
"I'll fix the rings there and I'll bring them back here."
It was quarter past dawn... All the Gays, still a-bed,
all the Gays still a-snooze when he packed up and fled.
"Pooh-Pooh to the Gays!" he was grinch-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out now no Gay Marriage is coming!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
then the Gays down in Gayville will all cry Boo-Hoo!"
He stared down at Gayville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Gay down in Gayville, the tall and the small,
was kissing! Without any bennies at all!
He HADN'T stopped Marriage from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came without lawyers, no papers to sort!"
"It came without licenses, came without courts!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Marriage," he thought, "doesn't come from the court.
Maybe Marriage...perhaps... comes right from the heart.
Maybe Marriage comes from all the words the Gays say.
Words like Husband, like Wedding, and Spouse who is Gay."
And what happened then...? Gayville they say
that the Grinch's small brain grew three sizes that day!
And the Gays had their Weddings. They promised for life.
They swore to be faithful, to Wife and her Wife.
The Husbands were happy, to each other they vowed
To be Out and be Honest, be Gay and be Proud.
They told all their neighbors and friends of their Spouse,
They told of their Marriage and sharing their house.
They said "We got Married." They shouted it loud.
Their marital status was "Married and Proud."
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light.
And he brought back the rings, cake and Gay birdseed bags!
And he... ...HE HIMSELF... hung the Gay Rainbow Flag!
The Lord looked down, at the proud and the tall,
and said "These are my children, and I love them all."

The moral of this story is that we don't need a piece of paper and the approval of the state to get married. We can just get married. Instead of having a committment ceremony, we can have a wedding. Instead of partners, we can have husbands and wives. Instead of calling our relationship a Domestic Partnership or a Civil Union, we can call it a Marriage. Whether any government recognizes it is separate from what we call it. It's a free country and we can call ourselves what we like. In 5 or 10 or 20 years, with plenty of visible same-sex married couples, the world won't see us as strange or scary, we're just the married couple down the street that happens to be gay. Eventually, the legal recognition of our marriages will follow. If we allow ourselves to voluntarily sit in the back of the bus, we'll never make any progress. Rosa Parks had to sit in the front of the bus to make a difference. We must as well.

Copyright (c) 2004 by Mary Ann Horton. Permission granted to copy in whole, with attribution. This is a parody of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas."

At 4:32 PM, The Lioness said...
This was lovely.
At 9:55 PM, brooksba said...
Dana,I liked this. Thanks for sharing it. =)Beth

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Things I Say In My Head

Sunday night, after karaoke had finished, Beth and I were sitting at our table, talking to Dean and Bryan. Just the normal few minutes to wind down from that karaoke high (Hey, we said we were junkies).

This last Sunday, these brief moments were interrupted.

Some guy, who I've never seen before and don't know, approached our table, apparently to speak to Bryan. His eyes were drawn to my notebook, prized for it's ability to take notes for blogging and also carry my list for karaoke. My notebook with the pretty colored pages and with Red M&M on the cover. His eyes light up.

"Man! M&M's! Can I sign it? I love M&M's!"

I look at Beth. She looks at me. In our minds, we burst into laughter because yeah, who are you? Are you famous? Are you the Red M&M?

I say, in a cool & slightly condescending fashion (because I'm kind of a bitch) "Well, I suppose if you feel you must."

His eyes fall on our drink glasses. His eyes light up (this may have been because he was drawn by the power of Beth's bosom).

"What are you all drinking?" This is directed to Beth.

"Coke," Beth says.

"Diet Coke," I say (I do not add the usual "With a slice of lime." My lime slices are too precious to me for them to be cheapened in bar small talk (Bobby and I may no longer have that connection but he still does have those glorious hands and he touched the lime slices with them)).

"Man! Coke? Is that it? Nothing in it?"

"No," we both tell him.

"Why not? Don't you want something alcoholic?"

"No," we both tell him. I add the simple sentence "I don't drink."

"You don't drink? Man! That sucks! Well, can I buy you ladies a Coke?"

Beth diplomatically tells him that we were just about to leave. I go to pay Bobby (if the tab comes to $7.50 and we give him a $20, how much of a percentage of a tip is that? I don't do math. It is hard).

Later, as Beth and I are in the car, headed back to my apartment, we are laughing over this guy's oddness (yeah, I'm still a bitch).

I tell Beth that the next time someone asks me why I don't drink I'm going to say the following:

"Well, the last time I got drunk, I killed a man. So the parole officer says I can't drink anymore. But if you want to buy me a drink, that'd be cool. You look like you've led a full life."

I know we're in a bar, people, but is it so odd that we don't drink alcohol? I'm sure there are other people that don't drink.

Seriously, think about this. I could not drink for a myriad of reasons. I could be a recovering alcoholic, I could be allergic to alcohol, I could just really love the taste of Diet Coke (with a slice of lime).

Or it could be that I discovered that I don't need to be drunk to have a good time.

So, you decide. The next time someone asks me this, should I say it? A smart man would back off. A clever man would rise to the challenge with an equally witty comment.

At 4:57 PM, Rev said...
Total for drinks: $7.50Amount paid: $20.00Difference (total tip): $12.5012.5 / 7.5 = 1.66666666666666666666666666666671.6666666666666666666666666666667 x 100 = 166.66666666666666666666666666667166%(and 2/3...that's two thirds)Nearly 167% which is a REALLY good tip!I know that I probably would have given him $10. Does that make me cheap? It's still a 33.3333333333333333333333333333333% tip.

At 7:27 PM, CarpeDM said...
33.33% is a good tip. I used to give him $10. Until I fell under the spell of the lime slices and the water and God, those hands. Okay, maybe there's still some lust there.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Life as we know it

Okay, this was my weekend.

Friday - play Zuma until it is time to wake Keem up. While it was a bit difficult to get her up, she did not hit me this time. She also commented on this.

K: Hey, at least I didn't hit you this time.
DM: Yeah, I know. That's because I'm over here (indicating a distance out of striking range).

Then it was off to Fridleykins (Perkins. In Fridley). It was a nice night, playing cards with Beth and Matt.

We had the worst waitress ever. She was even worse than the one who told Keem that her toast looked "Nummy (Yummy?)" and offered Beth ketchup for her open faced turkey sandwich served with mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing and cranberry sauce. Turkey and ketchup do not belong together. I'm just saying.

No, this waitress was worse. First of all, if I say to you, my food server, that you have the cappucino pie because I saw it in the display case and you don't believe me, hey, perhaps you could walk up to the front and see that I am right.

Second, when you bring the food out and drop some of my french fries on the ground, the thing to say is "Oh, I'm sorry about that." Not "You didn't want those fries." Because, while, yes, you're right, it's not a big deal to me that a few fries fell on the ground, it is a big deal that you made a comment that is really close to "You don't need those fries." Which makes me feel fat. And I'm already aware of the fact that I am fat, I just don't always want to feel that way.

Third, all you need to do is show up every once in awhile and make sure we have beverages. If you do that, you will be rewarded with one of the biggest tips you've ever seen from a group of four people. For good service, we have been known to tip 50-100%. You will never receive one of those tips because you never came back. Scott, who was not our waiter, did make sure we had drinks and good service, even though he was working very hard. He got the tip you did not earn.

Okay, enough vanting about food service. Yes, Beth, you were right. I thought I had saved this, not published it. Keem made me stop blogging last night and I wasn't quite done with the part about Fridleykins.

Saturday Keem and I were thinking about going to see a couple of movies but it was almost impossible to manage a double feature. We want to see National Treasure for sure (Oh, Nicolas Cage, how I adore you) and then either After The Sunset or The Incredibles. But the theater thwarted us. Either we would miss the first 15 minutes of the 2nd show or we would be waiting for well over an hour. So we decided to skip the movie and proceed to the 2nd item on the agenda. Christmas shopping (imagine that I have just said “Getting injected with ebola” and you’ll have an idea of how I feel about Christmas shopping. I hate it. It might have something to do with working in a freakin’ mall for ten years. 10 years of being pushed and shoved and having my ears assaulted by screaming children and being treated like pond scum. Yeah. Love Christmas. Don’t love shopping).

We went to Fleet Farm, Keem is looking for a car thing for her nephew. She did not find the car thing. However, I did find a present for someone who is not Keem and have decided what this year’s theme presents will be based on. I do theme gifts only for the Sheepsheadians. This year the theme is “What’s the most important thing to that person?” Is it wrong that I want to purchase a Narcisscus flower for one person? For those of you not aware of the myth behind the Narcisscus flower, Narcisscus was a young Greek man who became so enamored with his own reflection that he wasted away to nothing. So it’s a subtle way of saying to someone that “I know what the most important thing to you is. It’s you.” Okay, maybe that’s not so much a subtle way as it is a pretty one.

We then went to the grocery store. Ooh. How exciting. More pushing and shoving and screaming children. Shudder. But it is actually a little exciting. Neither Jeff or Keem are going home for Thanksgiving (Keem – Wisconsin. Jeff – Wyoming) so we are having our own Thanksgiving with lots of yummy food and watching Christmas movies and apparently they are decorating the Christmas tree. I do not decorate Christmas trees. I prefer to be surprised. Plus, Keem? Yeah, she’s extremely anal and everything has to be just so and I have more of a haphazard decorating style.

Then Sunday, Keem did laundry, cooked pork chops and Mexican lasagna and cleaned the kitchen. I took the trash out. We watched the CSI: episode that we taped on Thursday. Or maybe that was Saturday. Actually, I think that was Saturday. Good episode.

Sunday is karaoke. I took my nap and got ready to go. I had a problem in which I tried to put on a front hook bra. Not used to the front hook bras. It was a little small for me so it was interesting trying to wrestle my breasts into submission while I struggled with the hooks. There were at least 20. Why would you need a bra with 20 hooks? That’s just stupid. I should mention that these are not bras I bought. These are bras that were given to me by a friend who told me I was stupid for wearing underwire bras and I was taking these bras. Since this friend once threw her lunch at me, I figured it wasn’t worth arguing about (long story).

The reason I was trying to wear this bra was because I am a one bra woman. I find one that works and I wear it all the time (except for laundry, of course). Since I was going to a bar, I knew that it would be smoky and I didn’t feel like smelling stale smoke the next day. I figured that I would wear one of my old bras. I ended up finding another one and wearing that instead. So today I am very tired but not smelling stale smoke. Mondays are bad enough.

Anyway, last night was fun. It was somewhat busy, there was a big group of people there celebrating Brenda’s birthday. I have no idea who Brenda is, I just know her name because two people sang happy birthday to her. It was a little frightening but sweet. Then it died down about 12:30 or so and so the rotation was as follows: Beth, Dana, Chris (woman who was sitting at the table next to me. Very nice. Sang Bobby McGee among other things) and, on occasion, Rick (man who was sitting with Chris. Sang something about someone strutting and King of the Road).

There was no THE BOY. Bobby was there. It was not memorable. He is as attractive and still has his Diet Coke pouring skills but the connection (connection sounds so much better than seething lust) seems to have faded. I am afraid that it is because he doesn’t have a beard and that worries me.

I do not want to be attracted to Data. He annoys me on many levels, the least level being he rarely ever makes eye contact (Or talks to anyone unless you initiate the conversation or a man (which means that he is either very shy or gay. Or both, with my luck)) and the most being that in some odd, nagging way, he reminds me of Cream Puff Man. I can’t put my finger on what it is, it may be what I am perceiving as arrogance and what might actually be shyness. I don’t know. I suppose it is harmless enough to be attracted to him, even if I am annoyed by it.

Why am I attracted to this android? I am a vibrant, dramatic, joyful, Queen of the Universe! Why am I attracted to this quiet, logical, irritating mortal who may or may not be an android? Is it just the beard? Am I actually attracted to logical people? Could I secretly be yearning for a Mr. Spock (Or Data) of my own?

No matter what, I know I will never act upon it, I have learned from previous mistakes. I think I have these flights of fancy because I am horribly, terribly alone (but also kind of like it. Yes, I know. I’m weird) and like to imagine what it would be like to be in a somewhat normal, non-WWIT? type of relationship.

I think, deep down, that I am waiting for that big kiss still. Looking for my frog prince to come and swoop me away. I am a romantic, I know it. And I know that this will probably never happen, the older I get, my chances of finding true love dimishes. But I like to dream about it. And obsess about what a random guy has said or done because it gives me something to do then obsess about whether or not I’m lonely.

This is more depressing than I meant it to be. It’s not supposed to be. I’m just slightly irritated with myself.

It’s just a beard, dammit! It’s not that big of deal! I am so weak.

At 2:03 AM, brooksba said...
Dana,You are funny. Admit it, you like him! Hee hee. Sorry, but I like seeing you giddy.Hey, is there a sentence or two missing about Scott at Fridleykins? It just ends without punctuaction and there's extra space. I'm sorry the connection wasn't there with Bobby this week at karaoke. I still had fun and we just got some good Dana and Beth time. That was cool. I liked it. But then, I always like karaoke. Who knew?I'm sorry I was so late to dinner tonight. I really didn't think it would take as long as it did.Talk to you later! Can't wait for Wednesday night!Beth
At 2:45 AM, DeAnn said...
OK, first, I also LOVE Zuma. And I HATE bad food service people.And we are ALL romantic. Or at least we think we are. But then too much romance can annoy. Not that I would know or anything.
At 9:16 AM, The Lioness said...
No no no no!!! Though I agree that the older we get the harder it is to find love, I believe that the older we get the easier it will be for life to find us a REAL love bcs we know better what we do not want and what we must have. For the past few years I had relationships that i KNEW were not going to the right place and I think that's why i chose to meet those men (that old theory of we attract a certain type according to what we're telling life at that time). It would prevent my growing up, kids, marriage - iaiks! So I'll go on having relationships even if they're not the ONE (*she says wishfully*) but I've decided i must open up a bright wide window so the right one can stumble in. Bcs we meet people in the most unexpected ways. And I've seen ugly people finding real love. I've seen people who are not so decent finding real love. That can't be it. Must be the vibes.The Boy - he tires me!!! How can someone give so much grief to a group of people he doesn't even know??? SHOW UP AND TALK ALREADY!!! Argh.
At 8:05 PM, Firebear said...
i am at a loss for words, so i will agree with what my friend lioness said. I beleave there is some real insight there

Friday, November 19, 2004

Doctor Who, Jesus Christ and Me

I heard this quote once (or I should say half-heard it because I’m not sure it was right) where someone said “The acting bug crawled under my skin and hatched some eggs.” Other than the automatic “Ewwwwwww!” that kindles in my heart, I get it. There is something about being on stage, being another person that I love.

When I was in 4th grade, I got my first part ever in a play. It was great. In fact, I had multiple parts! Obviously it was a sign of great things to come. The junior high in the town I grew up in decided to The Wizard of Oz and needed munchkins, trees & cornstalks. They found them in the 4th grade choir.

Believe me, it was an eye opener for me. Here I was, wearing this cardboard tree & my mom was in the audience snapping pictures like mad. Later that evening, I was told how wonderful my performance was. There was attention focused on me. And I liked it (This is, by the way, not an indication that I was neglected in any way. My mom was pretty awesome).

Yes, it’s shocking, I know, that I would like attention. A woman who refers to herself as the Queen of the Universe is an attention hog. Who would have thunk it?

When I was 13 or so, my mother, in search of guidance, brought us to a church called Saint Andrew’s, in Mahtomedi, MN (removing another layer of protective cloaking – not a very large city, Mahtomedi). I loved it there. One of the things I liked the best, they put on plays frequently. Mostly religious but not all of them.

When I was 16, I landed a part in Jesus Christ Superstar. Nothing major, just choral but the great thing about Saint Andrews is that they didn’t expect you to just stand somewhere & sing. No, we had choreography (Dancing? Yeah, so not my thing. But I did manage to do a step or two without killing myself) and marks and all sorts of technical dramatic terms. I was in my element & extremely happy.

If you have never seen a production of Jesus Christ Superstar, never heard the music, I am suggesting that you run out right now and buy a copy of the soundtrack. Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice are geniuses. The music is so moving and imaginative that it reaches out and grabs you. Plus, it’s funny. I like funny. Herod’s song, hilarious. Watch the movie if you don’t believe me. This reminds me, I so need to find out if it’s on DVD. Oh, look, it is.

The guy that played Judas was on a camping trip out west when we first started. I did not know him but I was hoping he might decide to not come back. I had fallen for Judas, his songs were the perfect range for me, I liked the way his character was portrayed – as someone who was trying to protect Jesus and hadn’t expected everything to go so wrong. But our 2nd male lead returned and I learned to appreciate him, Roy (all names except mine are fake names, not ready to strip all protective layers away) was really a nice guy.

There was also Roland. And I had it bad for him. He was 26 to my 16, a little taller than me (maybe 5’7), slight but muscular build, dark hair, dark eyes and beard (I realized that when I said I didn’t know I was attracted to men with beards that I was wrong. I’m not attracted to many men with beards. Roland was the first). This was about a year after everything that happened with Dean (this is actually his real name. I don’t protect him. Bastard) and I was confused about sex and emotions and was a complete wreck (not that I knew it then. Oh, no, I figured this all out what? 20 years later?) and thought I was in love with Roland. I wasn’t. Just totally infatuated.

So you’re now thinking “Okay, Dana, we get the Jesus Christ part of the title but where does Doctor Who come in?” Well, I’m glad you asked.

Roland and another guy (Baron (it’s German and means Free Man. I love in the play were Doctor Who fanatics. I would hang out with them because I was obsessed with Roland and they were fun. Even though Roland treated me like his little sister instead of the object of his burning desire (you know, now that I look back at this, I laugh at myself. Roland was a great guy who dealt very well with my adoration by treating me like his little sister instead of doing something horrible and warping me even more and putting himself at risk for statutory rape) as I wanted. Baron was about a year or two younger than me and his dad looked like an older version of Michael DeLorenzo (does anyone remember him? He was hot!). It is amazing the things that I remember from 21 years ago and yet, I can’t remember the balance in my bank account half the time.

Anyway, back to Doctor Who. Roland and Baron would talk about Doctor Who and I would scoff. Why would anyone want to watch a show about some guy who travels along in a phone booth? I just didn’t get it. I thought they were crazy for liking it so much. Of course, I had never seen the show but that didn’t matter. I was skeptical that I would ever like a program like that.

You know what happened when you make a judgment without first checking it out? It’s the same thing that happens when you make an assumption. I found a copy of one of the Doctor Who books at the library one day (after the play was over and school had restarted). I thought “Oh, what the heck. I’ll read it.” Yeah. I got hooked. I was walking down the hallway with my nose buried in the book (which isn’t that surprising, actually, I will still do this). I had, at one point, almost every single Doctor Who book written (I moved a few times and have no idea what happened to them). I also saw an episode on PBS one time and loved the show; forcing my friends to watch it (they were not pleased). I would watch whenever I got the chance. My favorite Doctor was played by Tom Baker.

I don’t remember ever seeing Baron again after that summer. He may have moved. I did see Roland every once in awhile. I eventually got over my major crush and moved on to falling for someone else. But I will never forget that summer and how much fun I had being on stage.

Anyway, this is a long ramble about some happy memories for me and I hope you enjoyed it. Maybe next time I will tell you about some memorable experiences that took place during some of the plays I’ve been in. They were interesting. I miss acting. I think it’s one of the reasons I like blogging so much, I can be as silly or as dramatic as I want and get attention for it. I love attention. But I think we covered that.

At 8:52 PM, brooksba said...
Dana,I liked your post. It is very sweet and thank you for sharing the happy memories. They are good to hold onto and reflect with a smile. It's worth keeping the good memories and purging the not so good ones. On a side note, I misread the first quote because I'm strange. Instead of "acting bug" as in being on stage, I originally thought, "acting bug" as in acting president, or acting manager. Like someone stepping into the role, but not on stage. Yes, I'm strange.Beth
At 11:59 PM, Robert ~ Marlénè said...
There's nothing like attention... except a standing ovation, of course (I've gotten a couple of those, and had to walk sideways through doors to accomodate my swelled head). And how I wish I'd been involved in drama in school... last year I was in a musical, I didn't have any lines (I can't act for shit and have an impossible memory for dialog) and I sang soooo poorly (I always got thrown off by whoever was standing nearest me, so unless I was surrounded by other basses, I went off key), but I had so much fun in rehearsals that it was all worth it. I'm thinking about doing the musical again this year, it was strenuous and grueling and took over my life, but I felt so alive in that minute or two right before I made my entrance and actually felt nervous stepping onto the stage, something I hadn't felt in ages.I don't get Dr Who. Nobody cute on that show, and the story-lines were much too dense to just dip into them, you have to really commit to Dr Who before you can understand the series. I did like the scarf, though.
At 1:04 PM, Rev said...
You gotta love Jesus Christ Superstar. My grandparents saw it on Broadway years and years and years ago. They also own the LP as does my dad. I went out to purchase the CD a few years ago(actually it's a double CD thing...the LP is double as well but because of the whole side A and B thing it's like get the picture) and bought the one that most resembled the LP cover. I wanted the same recording as the LP because as it turned out there are several different versions with different singers and stuff. Well, I ended up with a different version. Oh well. Still good but not quite the same as the original. However, the funny thing is that Alice Cooper is Herod. How nuts is that?The movie is great. I've only seen it once but really should see it again.Dr Who? Who? What? Am I too young to know about this? I think I remember it being on TV but never watched it.Good post. I should blog about my good memories. Speaking of memories. Have you seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? If you have you'll know what I mean by "Speaking of memories" and if you don't know what I mean you'll have to see the movie. Anyhow, we rented it last night and I love it! I should blog about it. Ok, this comment is longer than most of my posts. Love your blog. Love your posts. Later!
At 4:40 PM, Matt said...
Incredible post Dad, I loved it. However I do not like being considered a loyal subject, I thought that I would at least be considered like a confidant, or something along those lines. You know my feelings about religion and such, so this might be a shock, but I also loved Jesus Christ Superstar it is a truly amazing movie. How could it not be directed by Norman Jewison (he also directed one of my all time favorite movies Moonstruck-sue me I'm Italian) and I remeber watching it and as I grew up on MTV and such I would look back at that movie and Tommy (which was released around the same time) as the first time I was ever introduced to videos. The songs are incredible, and I would like to hear Alice Cooper as Herod, that would be something I'm sure. Doctor Who, I watched him from time to time, I remember one episdoe that scared the bejesus out of me, a marionette doll with a big knife was chasing some woman around, it was kinda creepy. Oh well, gotta fly, talk to you later......Your Son
At 11:02 AM, The Lioness said...
I can definitely see you acting, I do! Wouldn't it be great? I'm just happy you blog now anyway, acting would go straight to your head you'rd be too busy snubbing us to deign to post. Maybe when you grow up.
At 6:42 PM, angelia said...
dana...ahhh good memories...thanks for reminding me of my fun musical/theatrical days! Just a random thought...I love scarf season, I make 'em, others wear em! How beautiful!
At 3:13 AM, DeAnn said...
Aw, I like hearing your tales. Maybe you should be an actress? Or does karaoke satisfy the performing bug in you?
At 6:54 AM, Rev said...
Hey, I love wearing scarfs. Would you make one for me?!?

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Things that Fill Me With Joy

I had mentioned on Living Dew Free that I was noticing that depression seemed to be approaching me and I've been trying to combat it without going to the doctor & getting a prescription for Effexor (not because I don't like the Effexor. Oh, no. It's because I don't want to take a day off of work & have to ride the bus. I hate the bus. And what am I going to do? Ask Keem to take the day off as well and give me a ride? That's just silly).

Anyway, I've been coming up with a mental checklist of things that make me happy or, in honor of Thanksgiving, things that make me give thanks. And, in order to provide you with some joy as well, here goes. A little list of pick-me-ups, Dana style.

1. Diet Coke with a lime slice, poured by Bobby. There is just something about Bobby that makes the Diet Coke taste that much better. It also might be because I'm at karaoke.

2. Spending time with Beth and Keem. Like last night. Yay!

3. A good book, even re-reading it for the sixth or seventh time. Just finished Birthright by Nora Roberts.

4. Comments on my blogs. I am a feedback junkie and a comment from someone sends a little joy shiver right through me. Which sounds a little odd but seriously, do you know how much I love hearing from you people (see this is proper usage of the phrase you people. There are many of you. Yet so few comments. Sigh).

5. This is weird but I was very excited to find out one of the people who works in my office is gay. I wanted to hug him and say "Good for you." Ask Beth. Occasionally I will clap for no reason and say "So-and-so is gay. Yay!" And she laughs at me. Yes, I am a dork. But, as Michael said, I'm a dork for a good cause.

6. Finding a frog magnet. Looking at it. Looking at my frog collection on my desk.

7. The picture of Ethan Erickson I have which is autographed. He is quite attractive. Look for yourself. For you Buffy fans, he played Percy. I received the picture from a friend, she knows him and mentioned it when I brought up Buffy. It was very exciting. People scream at me, I look at him. I smile.

8. Finding a new post from Beth. Or Firebear. Or DeAnn. Or Dooce. Or anyone that I have blogrolled (but these 4 are listed because they are the ones that I was able to read before I had to start taking calls this morning).

9. Data is growing a beard. For the winter. Because otherwise his skin gets too dry from shaving. Right now he's in that scruffy stage. So now I'm concerned because my head just automatically swivels when he walks by. And it's starting to fill in really nice. I was not aware of the fact that I like men with beards. I knew I liked the scruffy look but now I'm imagining what he's going to look like with the beard. And I am afraid I am going to tackle him and start running my fingers through his beard. I think he's been upgraded from "I may or may not want to lick him" to "Ooh." Which is not good. Not good at all.

10. Powerful voices. Beth & I listened to Janis Joplin sing "Take A Little Piece of My Heart" & Queen Latifah's version of "California Dreaming." If it was possible for music to give you an orgasm, I would be the world's happiest woman. Absolutely beautiful.

11. Listening to the harmony on Closer to Fine by the Indigo Girls. I know you know that I love music and I love to sing but I cannot harmonize. Unless it's a capella. Otherwise the music distracts me and I end up singing exactly what the other person is singing. I have been known, when singing with a choir, to stop paying attention and then be called on the fact that I was singing with the bass section.

Anyway, for you to share the joy, here is the lyrics to the song. I know you can't hear them but maybe the words will intrigue you to explore their music.

Closer To Fine

I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper
And I was free.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
I went in seeking clarity.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

We go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

Previous Comments:

At 8:33 PM, Rev said...
"If it was possible for music to give you an orgasm"Not only did this make me laugh (quite hard in fact) I think that it IS possible!I hope this is the start of many comments so you can check off #4 for today.By the way, thank you. For what? One word: dooce. You were right when you wrote: "Just go there. You'll thank me later." Thank you, thank you, thank you!
At 10:38 PM, The Lioness said...
I want me some Ethan. I hope the list is enough to stave it off a bit. Till Spring. And this song reminds me so much of israel I am homesicker now. Back to work now. My life is a bloody horror right now. If list fails come round and we can be depressed together. How abt that?
At 1:33 AM, brooksba said...
Dana,I love you. You are wonderful. I like your list of things that fill you with joy. It's a good list to hold onto. You know anytime you need me, I'm here for you. And hopefully I'll be able to drive and pick you up if you want to do something. Keep thinking good thoughts, they help you fly. (Okay, really dorky Peter Pan reference.)Does anyone have some fairy dust?Beth
At 9:56 AM, The Lioness said...
Alright, I'm a bit puzzled. I don't know how to phrase this so it doesn't sound weird or offending. So here goes: why are you happy to meet gay people or that some people are gay? A bit confused, I am. I'm not sleeping again so that could be it
At 12:41 PM, CarpeDM said...
It's a valid question, Lioness. I'm a big supporter of gay rights, a lot of it has to do with the way I was raised, to treat people the same - no matter what race, religion, gender, sexual preference they are. I'm not sure if it's so much that I'm happy that he's gay or if it's that I'm happy that I work for a company where someone can openly admit that he's gay, without fear of repercussions. There are companies where glbt people do run into problems, which is sad.It could also have something to do with the fact that I'm a dork. And that it really doesn't take a lot to make me happy, it just takes more time to look for reasons to be happy. Does this help?
At 2:14 PM, The Lioness said...
"I'm happy that I work for a company where someone can openly admit that he's gay" Ok, this makes more sense in terms of what i've seen of you so far. It just had that slight ring of "Oh you're gay??? That's SO GREAT, congrats!" and that i have a hard time understanding bcs i don't think it'd cross anyone's mind to congratulate me on my heterosexuality. And I couldn't picture you as a member of reverse racism (technical word for that) bcs I do know you don't care what people are as long as they're good. Anyway, why did i even bother asking? it's rather obvious who you are so the answer is implicit so i suppose it all boils down to being atthe end of my tether bcs of this proofing job which needs to be finished tomorrow and i didn't sleep much and didn't go to classes and still. I'll stop yapping now bcs I'm so sure i'm not making any sense.Anyway, my offer still stands. We're even having the sort of weather you enjoy.
At 6:49 PM, The Lioness said...
LOVE the new signature and comments! I hear and obey.
At 3:35 PM, annebrev said...
Wonderful list. And great choice of song lyrics. They're a good reminder. Thank you for a wonderfully written site that I enjoy on a (mostly) daily basis - you are funny and humane and I wish I knew you "in real life."
At 4:10 PM, Firebear said...
Now I have to be loyal to someone else! damn I don't handle commentment well!
At 5:43 PM, The Lioness said...
Alright, I've JUST finished the proof-editing thingy, YEY!!!, and hereby promise NOT to ask any more inane questions. Or at least try to. (SAY YOU'RE NOT PISSED OFF!)

Monday, November 15, 2004

Musical Soapboxes

Random stuff about this weekend & things I've been thinking about & there may be a soapbox or two that I climb upon.

Keem & I went to see The Incredibles this weekend & it so seriously rocked. Even though I was surrounded by small children, I didn't care. I also saw the preview for The Polar Express again and they changed it and I cried again. I am frightened about seeing this movie because I don't think the small children could handle me sobbing when the conductors do the dance with the hot chocolate.

I am seriously beginning to understand and appreciate why Keem always wants to go to the theater so early. We got there about 3:15 and it didn't start until 4 but there was seating. 45 minutes or so of listening to music & watching a lot of Coke commercials is a little wearing on a person. But I was glad we got there early when I started watching the theater fill up.

There was a little boy, maybe about ten, who found his way up to the top row where we were sitting. He was waiting for awhile, standing up and searching the crowd for someone. Finally he decided to run off to see if he could find his family & asked if I would save his seats - all five of them. Now, if I had been thinking, I would have put my purse & coat & bag over the seats, something to make them less inviting to everyone who waited until the last minute to get there. He had been gone for less than a minute when someone tried to sit there. I apologized & explained that the seats were saved. The woman was extremely gracious.

I turned to Keem for a moment & turned back to see that someone else was trying to sit there. Two seconds after watching me turn the other people away. I was torn between saying something and then going with my usual instinct to be polite & not make waves. I was just going to, at Keem's urging, to say something to the woman closest to me when the boy came back up. He said to this woman "I'm sorry but these seats are saved."

He was very polite, very nice to her, apologetic even. She, however, did not respond well. "Saved? Saved!" she screeched. "I don't think so." I was going to back him up and then rescue came in the form of his mother, who had found her way into the theater with her other children. Face to face with another mother, the woman backed down. But not gracefully, oh, no. She had to set a good example for her children by stomping down the stairs, cursing. Nice, huh? Now I understand why Keem likes to get to the theater so early. Now I will stop complaining about it.

I read a very disturbing post by The Lioness this weekend. I linked to it here but I recommend you visit her site & read what she wrote. It is very moving & had me crying when I read what had happened to this poor little boy. So soapbox #2 is over what the heck is wrong with people? But then also what is right with people when I read about all the help that is being provided to him as well.

Beth called me on Sunday because of karaoke & she told me that she had bought me a present & it was incredibly cool! She discovered itunes & the fact that she could purchase music online & is now hooked. I had mentioned to her once that I really liked the Indigo Girls but I hadn't heard anything by them in years. This is mainly because the radio station I used to listen to was wonderful & played alternative music & I adored it and then they sold out & started playing all 80's music. All the time (I grew up in the 80's. I don't want to revisit them all that often. So, yeah, like the music but hey, haven't the artists done anything lately?).

So I listen to KS95 & they have variety but they're really not alternative. In other words, they play Melissa Etheridge but nothing she's done since oh, the 80's. There's no Idigo Girls. There's lots and lots of Uncle Kracker (blech) & whiny girls that kind of annoy me but there's also Maroon 5 & Matchbox Twenty & BNL so I'm somewhat happy. I have tried switching to Drive 105 because they are awesome but I can't get it in my bedroom, where my radio is.

My vant #3 is why is it that you can't hear the Indigo Girls everywhere? Or Melissa Etheridge? Or Doughty? Why does there always have to be mainstream? Not that mainstream is bad, per se, but c'mon? Why are you playing Picture when you could be playing Closer to Fine? And how come I don't know who Ani DiFranco is?

Well, thank you for listening & climbing the soapboxes with me.

Previous Comments:

At 1:37 AM, brooksba said...
Again Dana,You are awesome. Fun post. I'm glad you like the CD. I'm having fun with it too. =)
At 4:39 PM, Robert ~ Marlénè said...
I have long had the same gripe with radio, that they are all pandering to the same "mainstream" audience and leaving those of us whose tastes run to the obscure and wonderful out in the silent snowy cold. There used to be several independent radio stations in the SF Bay Area where you could hear all sorts of interesting music, B-sides and new bands and ancient oldies (like pre-stereo ancient), but now they've all either been bought up by the media giants, or turned into talk stations, or their bandwidth is so feeble that I can't receive it on anything I own. It's too sad. Thank the goddess for iTunes, though... I'm a bit of an addict myself and am going to have to upgrade my hard drive someday soon to store more of it.And coming to movies early, I always like to be the first person into a theater so I can get my favorite seat: the one where I am in the exact middle of the row and just close enough that the screen fills my field of vision. That spot always fills up fast. But then, I usually don't go to a movie until its been running for a few weeks and the children have already seen it.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Why does something like this happen?

Please, please, please visit The Lioness's blog and read this story. It is heart-wrenching. It is about a little boy (10) & how two adults cut off his penis. He is still alive but he needs our help.

Look, I know it seems weird, asking for donations for a 10 year old boy that I don't know & that you don't know but this is The Lioness & I trust her implicitly. There is information at the bottom for mailing a check (checque) to the bank directly. At this point, she hasn't heard anything from PayPal.

I'm hoping that enough people will see this & will link to it & more word gets out. It's pretty damn amazing that this kid survived but he's got a lot of problems because of what happened to him. Hopefully we'll be able to convince him that the world is a good place, despite the violence that surrounds us.

Thank you for reading.

Previous Comments:

At 12:19 PM, The Lioness said...
DM Dahling, you're amazing. Words fail me. Thank you so much. He's doing v well in the hospital but there are still no exam results.

Friday, November 12, 2004


Frog posted this and I thought I'd give it a shot. I had to go back and adjust an answer or two because it said before I was yellow crocus and that's so not me at all.

blue periwinkle
Blue is the color of intelligence and
faithfulness, but also of infinity and dreams.
Periwinkles represent friendship, memory
and gratefulness. You must be a very clever
person, a little clumsy or shy, and in spite of
your intellect, you are very dreamy.

What flower - color association are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Previous Comments:

At 5:58 PM, The Lioness said...
YOU KNEW ABT finslippy AND DIDN'T TELL ME???? Come round if you dare!!! BAH. (Wasn't it hilarious how i happened to post right after you and thus saw your name? I'm still in shock. You secretive cow!)

The Bus & Me

I rode the bus today. And I lived!

No, it's not usually a dangerous expedition, to ride the bus (although one of the news stations did a report on dangerous bus rides last night. I didn't watch it). But I hate riding the bus. With a small and fiery passion.

Keem (she's posted recently) woke me up this morning at 5:30 to tell me she was sick and wasn't going to work. I really wasn't surprised because she had told me yesterday that she wasn't feeling good and went to bed early. This meant that I had to get up and check online for the bus information. There is something completely surreal about doing this at 5:30 in the morning, when you're still half asleep and staring at the computer screen, trying to make sense of the numbers. I think I had to enter in my address 3 times before it would register.

Then I went off to bed, after verifying that Keem had change since I, like usual, am extremely broke. And I lay there, staring at the ceiling, thinking about how would I know that I would get up for work on time. Maybe I should just get up now and get ready. What? Am I crazy? It's almost 6 AM. GO TO SLEEP! And it worked, eventually. Until my alarm clock started going off at 7:30 (technically, it's 7:20 because it's supposed to trick me into looking at the clock and going OH MY GOD, it's 7:30 but I always look at it and I know it's really 7:20 and then I hit the snooze button).

I got up, I did my usual getting ready things (except for make-up. Today was not a make-up day) and I went to the store because, even though I am broke, payday is only 1 business day away. Yes. I am one of those people who calculates how quickly the check will come through the bank. Except when I get overdrawn, and I do on occasion, I don't complain about it. I know it's my own fault for not actually keeping a register.

I walked outside the building and waited for the bus for a total of two minutes. Which was nice. I'm used to standing outside for hours. I knew it was going to be cold today so I wore the scarf that Angi crocheted for me. It is a replica of one of the scarfs Tom Baker wore when he portrayed the 4th Doctor on Doctor Who (the picture isn't the exact color but it's a good picture of him). I have wanted one of these scarfs since I was 16 (and had a huge crush on a guy who was 8 years older than me (which actually might be a good post someday. If you're interested, let me know. I only work for your amusement, of course)) and I finally found someone who not only crocheted but was willing to make it for me.

The problem, of course, is that Tom Baker is at least 6 feet tall. I am 5'5" (give or take a 1/4 inch) so this scarf? Yeah, it's huge. I usually have to wrap it around my neck about two or three times in order to keep it from falling off or tripping over it. But I love it.

The bus was pretty full with a bunch of teenagers but they were polite and, while talking amongst themselves, weren't really annoying as teenagers can be. After the entire bus (except myself) got off the bus to go to school, I had a nice conversation with the bus driver about how they all used to be a pain but how he offered them respect and they now treat him with respect. We had fun talking about kids today and laughing over how we used to do the things they think are so rebellious, getting drunk, doing drugs, skipping school, etc. He said "Yeah, I did all of that. That's why I'm driving a bus now." I said "Yeah, that's why I'm going to go listen to old people yell at me." So, if any teenagers read my blog, stay in school, don't drop out of college, don't do drugs and if you're going to have sex, make sure it's protected. This is the Queen of the Universe talking to you so you better damn well pay attention.

So that's my day, so far. It's about 2 PM and I am exhausted. My lunch is almost over. I'm going to ride the bus home, call Beth and tell her I won't be able to make it tonight to our Friday night Sheepsheadian get-together. I'm sad about this but I know I'll see her on Sunday and Monday. Plus, I'm not feeling so good myself so maybe I'm coming down with whatever Keem has.

Hope your day is going well. Oh, if you don't watch Without A Trace, I would like to tell you that you missed something pretty amazing last night. I was seriously impressed with Poppy Montgomery's portrayal of Samantha Spade & was freaking out when she was kidnapped by the bad drug runners & the bad guy was beating the crap out of her. Jeff came and watched a little with me and kept telling me that it would be okay, she was a main character & she wouldn't die but television has burned me before with the death of main characters. Anyway, it was a very good episode and I was so impressed with Poppy's acting & Samantha's character that I've finally come up with the name of my main character in my book. Her name is Samantha True Montgomery. And God, does her life suck. But she will overcome it.

Previous Comments:

At 5:58 PM, Firebear said...
Tom Baker scarfs rule! Especially when they are too long!

Thursday, November 11, 2004


From DeAnn who got it from Rick (I am too tired to do the links that DeAnn did, she is amazing in her dedication for the movies and her clothing. Wow)

Ten movies I'd watch over and over (I like action & comedy. Yes, I’m shallow. So sue me):

1. So I Married An Axe Murderer
2. The Imposters
3. Big Trouble
4. Love Actually
5. The Fifth Element
6. Stargate
7. Rat Race
8. Gone In 60 Seconds
9. Ocean’s 11 (and soon Ocean’s 12 (yay!))
10. The Rock (Or Con-Air (as long as I get my Nicholas Cage fix, I’m good))

Nine people I enjoy the company of (If you want to know the people I would love to spend time with, if they actually lived in the same state as me (and if it wouldn’t be considered stalking), check out my blogroll list):

1. Keem
2. Beth
3. Matt
4. Jeff (my other roommate)
5. Kari (my sister) and her husband, Eric, and their baby, Josh (this is not cheating because I don’t see them that often and it is usually all 3 of them at once)
6. Katie (and Troy but I see Katie much more)
7. Bryan (jovial karaoke host)
8. Michael (karaoke regular. I would have put Bobby but since our encounters really only include me drooling while he pours beverages, it doesn’t really count. Now if this was nine people I enjoy looking at and making a fool of myself in front of, he’d be #1)
9. Scott (who I also don’t see often)

Eight things I'm wearing:

1. glasses (most important because otherwise, I am very blind)
2. striped top from Wal-Mart
3. pants
4. socks
5. bouncy shoes
6. bra
7. underwear
8. three tattoos (I’m grasping at straws here)

Seven things on my mind:

1. Stupid, evil depression which is not here yet but is lurking in the background of my mind saying "Hey, Dana, remember me? I'm on my way back."
2. Stupid people (I am not plural. Stop calling me “You People!”).
3. Working on my novel (of which I have written one whole page. But! I have a plot and characters which is a start. And if you wanted to know the plot, I would tell you. Because I am a feedback junkie).
4. Blogging time and Sheepshead tomorrow.
5. Thanksgiving
6. The Thursday night line-up (Survivor, CSI:, Without A Trace).
7. To lick or not to lick Data

Six objects I touch every day:

1. At least one book a day
2. Light switchs
3. Eddy (my cat who thinks he's Keem's cat)
4. The Floor
5. Bathroom products
6. Hippo

Five things I do every day:

1. Read
2. Sleep
3. Eat
4. Annoy Keem
5. Listen to the radio (it’s always on)

Four bands or musicians that you couldn't live without (I find it interesting that these are all bands/musicians that Beth introduced me to. It’s not fair that I only get four. Where is the room for Maroon 5 or Five For Fighting?):

1. BNL
2. Matchbox 20
3. Melissa Etheridge
4. Cowboy Mouth/Bree Sharp (okay, I love them equally, so yes, I am sort of cheating)

Three of your favorite songs at this moment:

1. Change The World – Eric Clapton
2. Jenny Says – Cowboy Mouth
3. It's Not Easy (Superman) - Five For Fighting (Shup, Beth & Matt. I love this song)

Two people who have influenced your life the most (I went with people I know IRL. Internet people would be frog, The Lioness, DeAnn, flea. Oh, and Beth and Keem):

1. Beth
2. Keem

One person who you love more than anyone in the world:

1. My Mom. Followed very closely by Kari and Josh, if not on the same level. Because we may not always get along but she’s my mom and raised us on her own and sacrificed a lot for me and I was an ungrateful little brat. So yeah, Mom.

Previous Comments:

At 1:00 AM, brooksba said...
Hi Dana,I liked this! DeAnn finds the coolest stuff. I'm stealing it from you (shamelessly pilfering actually). As for music, I'm glad to see you open to listening to new bands. I got to find a couple more for you now. =)Beth
At 1:01 AM, brooksba said...
Oh yeah,Forgot to mention in previous comment:I like the new template. You rock! (I liked the old one though too. Hmmm, maybe you just rock no matter what. I think that's right.)
At 4:04 AM, DeAnn said...
Aw, so much love flowing my way. You are TOO kind to me.I loved reading this, though, and I LOVE the redecorating you're doing around here. It's lovely!!
At 8:21 AM, The Lioness said...
1 - EMAIL ME THAT PLOT THIS MINUTE!!!2 - My ignorance of movies and music is obvioulsy appaling.3 - Me likey you
At 11:43 AM, Firebear said...
I love this, I usually don't care for the quizes, but this one rocks. I like the new lay out except it is too dark. I don't think of you as dark

Monday, November 08, 2004

Movies and Karaoke - Could life be better than this?

DeAnn keeps putting these subtle little hints on her blog about television shows that I (well, it's more like a hint to everyone. She doesn't just single me out) should watch. I have to say that I'm glad I listen to her, I watched one episode of Veronica Mars and am hooked, even though I'm also completely lost as well.

But I keep forgetting to set the vcr for Joan of Arcadia. And I have a karaoke conflict on Sundays so I don't have a chance to watch Arrested Development & I think my roommate is taping something else on Sunday nights.

Anyway, Friday night, I could have watched Joan of Arcadia but this is the night that Keem and I meet Beth and Matt at Fridleykins so I took as much computer time as I could and then had to go and take a nap. Because I am old and no longer party like a rock star, I cannot get up at 6:45 AM, go to work, come home, play on the computer and then go to Fridleykins (Perkins) until 3 or 4 in the morning.

I remember being in my 20's and going out to the bars every night and drinking and laughing and dancing (yes, dancing but it was weird late 80's early 90's dancing which would frighten you all) and then dragging myself out of bed in the morning and going to work. Without even a hangover. And now, when I don't drink and haven't had a drink in over a year, can't even fathom how I did that. What happened? When did I get so old? I'm only freakin' 37. I can not imagine what it's going to be like when I'm 50.

So we had a great time Friday night/Saturday morning, playing Sheepshead and laughing and talking and catching up. Then Keem and I went home and crashed in our respective beds while Eddy (my cat but he thinks he's Keem's) did his patented "Where the hell have you been? I am needy and all alone" yowls.

Saturday was movie day. Keem and I vegged and watched movies all day, not that I can remember what they were.

Sunday, I woke up early and started to watch Heathers but there are no subtitles which is wrong on so many levels. What the hell is the point in making a DVD if you're not going to put subtitles on it? Damn Hollywood. Damn them! I got about 10 minutes into and gave up. Keem woke up and we watched more movies. I made a pork roast with potatoes and carrots. I don't cook often but when I do, I like to go all out.

Then, around 4 or 5, I headed off to bed. Time for a nap before karaoke. Beth picked me up at around 9 and we were off to The Chalet. It was a slow night, Bryan (the jovial karaoke host) didn't start the show right away so Beth, Michael (a regular) and myself had a lovely conversation about politics, movies and music. Since we all agree with one another, it was a lot of fun. It was Michael's birthday. Happy Birthday, Michael.

At one point, Bryan, Michael, Bobby, Beth and myself headed outside. The Northern Lights were out and we all stared at the sky in awe for a few minutes and then realized it was fairly cold outside and headed back in. Here in the cities, they only show up as white lines against the dark sky. I have heard that they are blue and purple and gold and red in Alaska and a part of me wants to go there someday. I blame Nora Roberts' latest book Northern Lights and the movie Mystery, Alaska for this.

I had a great evening, singing and listening and clapping and trying new songs. I will not be trying Elton John's Your Song again, thank you very much.

Bobby was there. And this time there was foam cascading down the side of the glass. And 3! lime slices! We are obviously engaged.

Hope your weekend was great. Love ya!

Previous Comments:

At 10:10 PM, brooksba said...
Dana!Wonderful engagement announcement! =)Will you be having Bryan sing at the reception? Would you allow him to perform the ceremony? Can I come to the wedding?I agree, movies and karaoke, and just hanging out with friends is a great thing. I don't really watch any TV and I don't think I even have tapes for a VCR anymore. Oh well. I'm missing out.Beth
At 3:01 AM, DeAnn said...
You know what? While I'm watching AWESOME TV, you're actually living life. Please, by all means, continue.But you could totally record Joan of Arcadia. And Veronica Mars. And ...I'll stop now.(And you know I'm writing to only you, because YOU are the Queen of the Universe.)
At 8:54 AM, CarpeDM said...
Hmm, I could have either Bryan or Michael perform the ceremony, since they are both ordained. Someday, Bobby's going to do a search on google for something about The Chalet and he's going to find my blog and then I'm so going to be in trouble when he gets the restraining order against me. What would I do if I couldn't go to karaoke? How would I explain to him that I'm really not a freak, I'm just fascinated by his big, masculine, diet coke & water pouring hands?
At 10:23 PM, Matt said...
Father,I don't think that he would have a restraining order against you since you have not leaped over the bar and into his large water and diet coke pouring hands, yet. I may drink water one night that I am up there just so you can go and get a refill or three, and then we can see what the limit is for you before you do take that leap of faith and pour yourself into his hands, that would be great.Congratulations on getting engaged! I am thrilled for you. I just want to know, do you want me to wear a dress for the reception? Please let me knwo in advance, because then I will have time to creatively shave the leg hair into something fashionable.Matt
At 8:41 AM, CarpeDM said...
No, Matt, no dress. That would be bad. I have an image of you in a nicely flowered frock with the bald head and the leg hair. Yeah. No dress. Please, for the love of God.
At 4:24 PM, The Lioness said...
Am swamped in work and good causes but I have time to tell you, dahling, that your new template ROCKS!!!! Fit for a Queen. Which you are - obviously.