Waking Keem Devine

Okay, couldn't resist the title. I've never seen Waking Ned Devine but it always seemed like it would be a funny movie. If you've seen it, let me know what you think.

Anyway, last night was Friday so that meant a trip to Fridleykins to see Beth and Matt. The festivities don't start until about midnight, since Beth works until 11:30, so Keem likes to take a nap before we go (We had a bit of an adventure yesterday before she was able to take her nap and here's the story. In other words, Keem! Blogged! Yay!). This puts me in charge of waking her up.

I don't mind doing this because this gives me time on the computer. Of course, there have been some problems. There's the time when she kicked me out because I was reading Matt's blog and laughing hysterically, as I usually do when I read his blog. If you haven't read it yet, you are missing some scary, scary, scary and hysterical stuff (Especially the tales of his kids, my grandchildren. Here's a good one. I'm sure we've detailed how they are my grandchildren somewhere but I can't remember where. If I don't remember where it is, I promise to repost it soon).

There is also the times when she yells at me because "You're clicking! Stop clicking!" Um, hello. Typing here? Usually once she falls asleep though, it's all good. I can type as much as possible and laugh, as long as it's quiet. Because Keem? She can be grumpy if she gets woken up. Or if she's convinced you didn't try to wake her up. Which I so did try but she can be quite stubborn.

Case in point - Last night. A couple of Fridays ago, she was extremely difficult to wake up but she is convinced I didn't try very hard because I just wanted to play on the computer and I don't understand her compulsion to be everywhere at least a half hour ahead of time (seriously. Did you know that movie theaters play a whole bunch of Coke commercials and music and movie clips for a good 20 minutes before they start the previews? And if you're there long enough, you'll get to watch it start over again! Oh, the excitement. Of course, you also do get the best seats in the house but that's not the point! Oh, yeah, I guess it is). So I wanted to make sure I tried extra hard to wake her up.

Here's a little time line of the evening.

10:15 - Typing away in Word, trying to make sure that I finish my post for Moron Mouth in time so I can publish it. Doesn't look like I'm going to make it because I keep reading everyone else's blog on my blogrolling list. But I'll keep typing.

10:30 - It's time to wake up Keem. I haven't finished yet but I'll save the document once she's awake. She is lying on her stomach, her face towards the foot of the bed (near the computer desk since she was talking to me before she fell asleep), one hand stretched out towards the end of the bed in supplication (trying to convince Eddy he wanted to be petted but he was being stubborn. Like it's a surprise that a cat is stubborn).

I lean over and start gently tapping her hand. "Keem. Keem. Wake up, Keem," I say softly.

She yanks her hand away. "Mrowff," is all I hear.

I start tapping a little harder on the hand. "Keem! Keem, come on. It's 10:30. It's time to get up." Whack! I stare in shock as she hits my hand (still in her sleep). "I take it you want another 15 minutes?"

"Mrwfffowwff." I'm taking that as a yes.

10:45 - It's time. She is now lying on her hand so I can't tap it anymore. I call her name. "Keem. Keem, it is time to get up. Get up, Keem."

"Fuck off!"

Okay, then. Well, I'm just going to let you sleep for another 15 minutes. Bitch.

11:00 - I've finished my post on Moron Mouth. It's time to try to wake her up again.

"Keem. C'mon, Keem, it's time to get up. Let's go, now!" My Mom would be so proud. I sounded just like her. Apparently Keem thought so as well.

"Moooommm! 5 more minutes."

I laugh. Can't help it.

11:05 - Keem is still sleeping.

"Kim (I'm tired of her rebellion. She is no longer Keem). It's time to get up."

"SNNNNNNNNNORRRRRRREEEEE!"

11:15 - Okay, one more try.

"Kim. It is time to get up. Let's go. Now."

Kim looks up. She is wearing her "I am pissed off at you now and you're going to get it" look. "Dana. I know. I will get up. In 5 minutes. And then I will go to the bathroom and get ready."

"Okay. I have been trying to get you up since 10:30. It's now 11:15."

"I know. I will get up. I am awake."

"Fine." I get up, leave the room. Dave Barry's last book "Tricky Business" is waiting for me. I check my cell phone voice mail. There's a message from Matt. I call him. He left a message asking me what we were getting for Beth's birthday.

"Hey. What did you get for Beth's birthday?" He tells me. "Yeah, you so didn't get the same thing as us." I tell him what we got her. She doesn't have it yet. It's at her mom's.

"Where are you?" Matt asks?

"Home."

"Oh." I can tell he's about to ask me if we're going to Perkins tonight.

"Keem is awake now." I've just watched her walk from her room to the bathroom. "We should be there at 12 or 12:15."

"Cool."

And that, my friends, is why waking Keem up is no picnic. But definitely blog worthy.

Previous Comments:

At 6:48 PM, DeAnn said...
OK, are Beth, Matt and Keem your children? I'm confused about the relationships on your blog now!

And also, there are at least two people in my family who are like that when waking up. I'm the exact opposite.

At 8:09 PM, The Lioness said...

Very fun, as you'd say! Plus, I am EXACTLY like Keem. Shame.

At 8:58 PM, angelia said...

This is hilarious. Thanks for making me laugh!

At 12:46 PM, Firebear said...

It used Waking Ned Devine in a training session once. You should see it, there is a seen were one of the oldier gentlemen is trying to pass himself off as Ned. He is in the bathroom with all of Ned's info, like his birth cert and id. He is being asked questions as proof of identity. He is just reading the info off the paperwork. It is a great example as to why we can never know 100% who we are talking to on the phone.

damn, i switched into work mode there. Maybe I should type "and the blonde in the movie had nice cleavage" that way you know its me!

At 1:24 AM, brooksba said...

Thanks for sharing this story! It was great hearing it at Perkin's and reading it here. I laughed both times!

Keem is silly.