Monday, October 18, 2004

The Seduction of Water

As we know, I am an avid reader. There is a really good author out there named Carol Goodman who has written two books that I have really enjoyed. The first one is called "The Lake of Dead Languages" which is about a Latin teacher and her past and there is mystery and intrigue and suicide which might actually be murder. The second one, which I have taken the title of my post from, is called "The Seduction of Water" which is about fairy tales (which I love) and a mysterious death that may be murder and finding out about your parent's past and falling in love with an ex-con. Her writing is extremely lyrical and I just realized her next book is already out. It is called "The Drowning Tree."

Her books seem to revolve around water. This is a good thing for me because I like water. Not so much to drink but, if it were up to me, I would live in the water. I am currently working on a post about called "The Vacation From Hell" which is about the time my mother and sister decided they wanted to kill me. Water is featured in that post. I have done a post previously called The Fish Hook Saga which mentions the fact that I am a Pisces. I have always felt an infinity for water. There is something about floating that really relieves all of your tensions, fears, aches and pain and makes you feel totally free. It is how I imagine flying would feel, floating through the clouds, soaring high above the earth.

So, is it any wonder, feeling the way I do about water, that I would have the following conversation at karaoke last night? No, don't think so.

Here goes. I have a thing for bartenders. I don't know what it is about them but to me, there is something extremely sexy about a bartender. This is male bartenders, by the way. I think it has something to do with the fact that they are in control of my drinking pleasure and are directly connected to a big sensory part of my life. "Cocktail" was an erotic movie for me, okay? (Well, at least until Bryan Brown died and I cried and wanted to beat Tom Cruise up for living. Damn him. He always survives and the characters I'm half in love with die. It's not fair. Sorry, you probably don't care about my issues with Tom Cruise right now. I digress. Back to bartenders).

I also have a thing for cops, men in suits (preferrably fitted suits (Warrick Brown from CSI pops into mind)), sailors, pirates and men that can sing. I am an equal opportunity luster.

Anyway, last night at karaoke, Troy and Katie and Matt were there and it was fun and exciting. At one point, I noticed that Beth's glass was empty and so was Troy's. Troy was drinking water. I have done posts about Bobby the bartender before so they are aware of my slight fascination for his extremely masterful hands. I come back to the table, turn to Matt and say "You know, you can tell that's it been awhile since I've had sex when I'm getting turned on by water."

Matt, Troy and Katie all start laughing. Troy says "I take it that he's just as good as pouring water as he is at pouring Diet Coke?" He was referring to this post. Matt says "I am hoping that it was actually the bartender and not the water."

I said "It was cascading over the glass and it was beautiful." There was a moment. Unfortunately, it was between me and the water and not actually Bobby. Bobby does not realize that I exist except for the fact that I drink Diet Coke with a slice of lime (which he puts two slices in which is obviously a sign of his deep and abiding love for me, right? Right?) and am a big tipper (which I just want to state I am always a big tipper, it has nothing to do with fevered imaginings in my mind and everything to do with good service. If you provide me with good service, you will receive 20-30% tip. Sometimes I go as far as 50%. So there. The fact that our bill came to $7 and I gave Bobby a $13 tip is only because I like to round up. Beth gave him a $12 tip last week and she is not attracted to him. At least she better not be or there will be a rumble (Yes, I am kidding. I would so not fight Beth)).

Anyway, I like water. I am mildly attracted to Bobby which might just be only because he is a bartender. Yes, I frequently laugh at myself as well.

Previous Comments:

At 2:08 PM, brooksba said...
I think it's cute that you're attracted to Bobby. He's a fun guy.So, I had a conversation with Bobby last night. I walked up to get a soda here's the conversation:Me: Football's over!!! <*Huge Smile>B (Bobby): <*Smile back> I was afraid you guys would leave because of the game.Me: Well, I don't enjoy football, but miss out on karaoke? We stuck it out.B: That's good. I love Dana.Oh, I added that last part. I don't know why. I think he's fun and you can have fun looking at his big, strong, useful hands.
At 8:21 AM, Firebear said...
Wow, I actually understand this post. Thanks for letting us into your world!
At 2:19 PM, Firebear said...
***I am an equal opportunity luster.***That is a good thing, I am glad to know that you are not lack luster. (ok was bad, but I had to do it)***I also have a thing for cops, men in suits (preferrably fitted suits (Warrick Brown from CSI pops into mind)), sailors, pirates and men that can sing.***just have to say: Where the hell were you when I was in high school and couldn't get a date? Well?
At 2:26 PM, CarpeDM said...
Hmm, where was I when you were in high school? I'm not sure. Minnesota? Aren't I tons older than you anyway? Although I think we have established that I like younger men so that wouldn't be a problemYou know, I couldn't get a date in high school either.
At 2:37 PM, Dana said...
Hey- just stumbled upon your blog, you are so throughly entertaining. And it's true Danas rule the world.
At 8:14 PM, DeAnn said...
I'm going to have to check out her books.I don't have the bartender thing so much, but I do think all men look sexier in a baseball uniform. How do you feel about that?
At 8:30 PM, CarpeDM said...
It depends. Are there pinstripes? I like pinstripes? Are they slightly disheveled with a scruffy not yet beard thing? Are they wearing sunglasses? Yeah, you know, I think I would be okay with baseball uniforms as well. Pretty much any uniform does it. Which, really, when you think about it, is kind of weird because bartenders? They don't wear uniforms. So what's with this Bobby fixtation I have? It's got to be the Diet Coke with the slice of lime.
At 9:49 AM, Firebear said...
two years is not tons older. Though i am still 15 at heart.