Friday, July 29, 2005

Thoughts From Karaoke

These are just random thoughts from karaoke that I had while waiting for Beth and Char to come up. Keem dropped me off at the Chalet at about 8:30 and I had a lot of time to listen to my iPod and read my new book (Count Down by Iris Johansen). And observe the oddness that surrounded me. I changed colors to demonstrate the difference between thought patterns.

Since when is eating cheese fries considered a sport? ESPN is broadcasting the Alka-Seltzer Open. Does anyone else find it amusing that Alka-Selter is sponsoring a food eating competition?

Bryan's shirt has a goat on it. It is very cool. Apparently it's for a rugby team.

DM: I like sheep.
Bryan: Yes, but a man wearing a shirt with a sheep on it would be considered suspicious. There would be raised eyebrows.*
DM: This is true.

*It was close to this but infintely more cooler than what I actually remember him saying. But I think he would think it weird if I pulled out a tape recorder and made him repeat everything brilliant that he says.**

**No, I do not yet have a tape recorder. But soon, my pretties, soon.

I got free cigarettes! Someone left a pack of Carlton Menthol 100s behind. Unopened. They are not bad but remind me of when I used to steal my grandmother's Carlton's and used to wonder why anyone would smoke cigarettes made out of air.

The first guy to sing tonight sang "Jenny" and it was odd and quite horrible. Not that he was a bad singer but he kept screaming at the audience ("Embrace the 80's!" "Ladies! Hello, ladies!" Stuff like that). I asked Mel (the bartender who gave me the pack of smokes. She is quite nice and not only because she's helping me foster my addiction to nicotine (I only smoke occasionally, people. No lectures allowed. It's mainly a karaoke thing and I smoke maybe a pack or two a week, much less than the pack or two a day from two or three years ago)) if she thinks he's probably single. Her response was "Oh, I'm quite sure of it." There was a hint of desperation in his performance.

Andrew is here! Yay! It is nice to see him.

I found greeting cards that I had bought about two months ago. Two of them are now earmarked for LIz because it was her birthday last week. One is for Beth. I'm giving one to Matt (the boss) because he is pretty cool (On the front it says "A short essay on why I work." On the inside it says "I like food. The End"). I think he'll be amused. I also bought a card for Rachel without really knowing her at the time (I just thought the card was funny and had no idea why I was buying it) but it is about shoes & therefore perfect.

If you are anorexic, you should not wear a spaghetti strapped tank top. Your shoulders are frightening me.

I honestly just heard a woman ask Mel "Are they doing karaoke here?"

No. It's a concert. C'mon, look at the Chalet shirts. "Karaoke gone wild", for God's sake. The sign outside says "Karaoke 7 nights a week!"

Here's a question. On the "Best Damn Sports Show Ever (or whatever it's name is because I'm not paying that much attention to it)," the male guests are escorted out by scantily clad women in bikinis. Do they have female guests and, if so, are they escorted by men wearing Speedos?

The really annoying girl from last Thursday is here. Now I'm not a violent person (stop laughing, people! Don't make me hurt you) but I wanted to bitch slap her so much last week. Especially when she kept hitting one of the Thursday regulars on the arm. I'm not sure if that was her way of flirting but personally, I've never won the affections of anyone by hauling off and pounding on them.

Of course, since I'm so very single, perhaps that would make the difference. Maybe I could get a club and drag Gil off to my cave after hitting him over the head. I'm sure he'd appreciate that!

It is very crowded tonight. I had a table earlier but was asked to switch with a bunch of people so they could move the tables together. I ended up at the bar for awhile (because the table I ended up sitting at was right next to the really loud drunk people and I couldn't hear my iPod over them) but moved to another table in the back since Beth and Char are going to be here soon.

The table I ended up at almost collapsed when I put my purse on it. Fortunately Andrew was very manly and was able to fix it. I like knowing men. They can be so very helpful.

Reverend James (I don't think he's a real reverend but I'm not sure. He is engaged to Marian or Mary Anne or something like that. Who can wear a midriff baring shirt with class and doesn't seem to find the need to pair it with low cut jeans (I hate it when you're walking along and get thong glimpses. I don't want to see your thong, people. That is a level of intimacy that I'm just not ready for) and I'm starting to become fond of her since she is very nice), Joe Funko (not sure that's his real name. Bryan calls him this) and Bryan are all singing Ceceila. I love this song.

Scary anorexic woman just grabbed Bryan. I am worried for him because she doesn't look like she's had anything to eat in months. Please don't eat Bryan, scary woman. We would miss him.

Yay! Beth and Char are here. We are going to play darts.

I have to feel so sorry for Andrew because I usually end up choosing him as my dart partner. I have this theory that we should be partners (just in darts. Anyone thinking he might be Gil would be wrong) because his name starts AND and mine starts DAN. So our names are closer and therefore I don't choose Bryan or Benny. I think he's going to kill me because I'm so very pathetic at darts.

I think Benny and Char won. I don't remember for sure.

We ended up back at the bar when Liz got here. I gave her the cards. She was amused (or quite frightened but hid it well).

We spent the last hour or so of the night talking to Liz and had a great time laughing about random things, including dead hamsters (Char and Liz told us about the funerals that they had for their pets. Maybe you had to be there but oh, my God, these are funny stories). I told Liz about my plan to drive my Mom insane if I ever get married by either having an Elvis impersonator or Bryan perform the ceremony and she said "Or you could have Bryan dress like Elvis. He could sing "Blue Suede Shoes!" Is she great or what?

I cannot wait for Sunday. Who knows what will happen? Tune in later for the continuing adventures of Dana, Queen of the Universe!