Memories, misty water-colored memories

There's another post below this, guys. It's lonely. Please read it as well. Please? You know I'm a comment junkie.

Ten Years Ago: Hmm. 1995. What was I doing then? Oh. I remember. Going to my ten year high school reunion which was a complete waste of time. Working for a small wire distribution center where I hated my boss with a passion and hoped, when he and his wife went to see the Grand Canyon, that she would push him off. I figured not a jury alive would convict her because he was such an ass. Living with a "friend" who thought making fun of me was his God given right and who used to tell people that he had to move to a new place because my ass had taken up all of the room in the old one and also would, right before my birthday, say "Dana, you're going to be 28. What have you accomplished in your life so far?" Which would make me completely analyze my life and think that I was a total loser and is one of the reasons that I used to get depressed right before my birthday. This is the same guy who decided to move and sell his trailer out from under both myself and my other roommate. I had two weeks to find a new place to live, if I remember right.

You know, now that I think of it, this was the summer right before I turned 29 in March and ended up calling the suicide hotline because I couldn't deal with everything going on in my life - with the depression and the hating of the job and the fact that Rob (posts 1, 2 and 3) couldn't make up his mind between me and that married bitch with the kid and my cat ran away and oh, my God, could my life have been anymore pathetic. Obviously, 28 was not my year. 38 is much better.

Five Years Ago: I would have been 33. It was the beginning of some major changes for me. First of all, I left the Dark Side Bank and came to NABABNA in 2000. This was at the suggestion of the former friend mentioned above and is quite possibly the best thing he ever did for me. The second best thing he ever did for me was when he finally crossed that last line, the line that I didn't even know I had drawn into the sand, and I was able to walk away from him without any regrets (I will do a post about this some day. Not today. Too tired). This is before I met Beth and Keem but I had met Matt because we were in the same training class.

I was living in my own apartment for the first time ever and loved it. Eddy and Mac were my cats. Buffy was on the air. Life was good and has only become better.

One Year Ago: On July 31, 2004, I wrote this post about my Dad. During this time frame, I was watching Last Comic Standing and had "met" Firebear for the first time. I believe he found my blog by searching for Tammy Pescatelli. I was still working in the call center at NABABNA and getting extremely burnt out. I was not yet on Effexor and felt like I was missing something. Like I was wrapped up in cotton wool and no real emotions were getting through to me. Sometime into August I wrote this post about my feelings about Public Displays of Affection. It is very funny, if I do say so myself. Oh, wait, I do. You should go read it. It will please me. And I wrote a post about what my dream lover would be like, the main point of the post is right here:

"My Mr. Right will have an odd sense of humor that I will get but others might not. He will like to read and watch movies. He will understand that sometimes I just don't want to talk to anyone. He will cook and clean and understand that I hate to do both and will not expect me to do so (or he'll be rich enough so that I can have that ultimate of luxuries, a staff). He is artistic and sensitive and loves my friends. And they love him. He will wear suits that are tailored to fit him. He will strut. He will be articulate. He may speak with an accent (preferably British). He will be bookish and charming. He will sing to me and occasionally dance in fountains. He will want to make love in the rain. He will be playful and fun and make me laugh. He will like movies with martial arts and car chases and buddy cops and will also appreciate romantic comedies and musicals."

Beth, am I wrong in thinking that this describes Gil extremely well (except for the tailored suits and English accent thing and I don't think I've ever seen him strut)? May I just scream in frustration? Thank you. ARGGGGGHHHH!

Yesterday: I got really cranky with stock holders. Not with them, I guess, but after I hung up the phone. I had a horrible headache and went home and slept until almost 3:30 AM. I figured out I really need to refill my Effexor prescription because, while I'm still pretty happy and enjoying my life more than I ever had before, I'm getting easily irritated and that's just never good. I said goodbye to Katie and cried.

5 Snacks I Enjoy: Don Pablo's queso blanco with chips. These cinnamon raisin bagel crisp things that I forget I like until I find them at the grocery store. Trail mix, preferably with cranberries and almonds. Mmm. Blue Bunny root beer float popsicles. Rye bread and butter. I love chocolate, don't get me wrong but these are things that I could sit down and binge on. Which is why I try to enjoy them in moderation.

5 Songs I Know The Words To: Change The World - Eric Clapton, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad - Meat Loaf, Nobody - Sylvia, Hit Me With Your Best Shot - Pat Benatar and Give Me One Reason - Tracy Chapman. It helps that these are all songs I sing at karaoke.

5 Things I Would Do With $100 Million: Pay off all of the debts of my family and myself. Buy a house. Give Kari and Eric money so that they tear down their house and build a new one. Give Liz the money she needs to start up her own restaurant and be a silent partner. Do the same for Beth and Keem in any business that they might be interested in. Surf the internet daily on exciting broadband (I hate dial-up!). Maybe open a book store (which would pretty much be an excuse to read all day). Bring Johnny and Loverboy to Minnesota so Johnny can go to the State Fair. Travel. Finish my stupid book. Let my sister invest my money so I can afford to become a silent partner for many people and never have to work again.

5 Places I Would Escape To: Great Britain (could spend years exploring England, Ireland and Scotland), Portugal, Italy, some place where the temperature never gets below 50 or above 80 degrees (does such a place exist? It has to be out there somewhere) and the Chalet (no one said they all had to be countries).

5 Bad Habits: Not exercising as I should, being cleaning challenged (God, I hate it), whining (although I prefer to think of it as creative complaining), biting my fingernails and interrupting people (mostly Keem. She hates it).

5 Things I Like Doing: Reading, eating, making anyone laugh (Diana's first three, obviously we have much in common. Until I read her next two: gardening, organizing closets), karaoke and watching movies. Dammit, I'm the Queen of the Universe. I'm adding scrapbooking to this.

5 Things I'd Never Wear: Anything that comes above the knee, really, really tight clothes (yeah, like I need more bulges than I already have), anything with a heel higher than one or two inches (can't walk in heels), my hair super short again (what was I thinking) and white (doesn't look good on me and I spill constantly. And yes, Mom, this does include a wedding dress. My wedding dress would be red (and no, I have no wedding plans. It's just fun to think about this stuff, especially with Rachel getting married and we discuss how different I am from her)).

5 TV Shows I Like: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Rock Star: INXS (it started out only because Jordis is on it but I am enjoying it but I only watch on Tuesday nights when the whole group is performing because I don't care about the clinics and as long as no one I like from the show is in danger, I don't care who gets voted off), CSI: and The Amazing Race (it has become family time since Jeff, Keem and I watch it together).

5 Biggest Joys Of The Moment: Karaoke (always), Spending time with my friends, Blogging and reading blogs, Effexor (got to love the stuff, it keeps me alive) and the pizza I'm going to order as soon as I finish this post (sausage, pepperoni, black and green olives with a white sauce (garlic & butter instead of stupid tomato sauce) - yummy).

5 Favorite Toys: Computer, iPod, my eyes (in the fact that I use them to read and watch movies), my digital camera and flickr.com, snapfish.com and iTunes (I couldn't think of a 5th toy and started grasping at straws).

From Diana.