Reason #453 why I'm not having children

I was talking to my sister Kari on Windows Messenger a few weeks ago and was getting the scoop on her exciting life as a mother. We had made plans to see each other that day but she was forced to cancel because she was having car problems. And then she continued with the tale of her day.

Apparently, she had wanted to sleep in and Eric was supposed to watch Josh. But Eric had failed in his duties and my small, not quite two year old nephew with a serious Mama complex (cannot handle being separated from her and will scream, quite loudly, if she is not within eye sight. But apparently this is just on the weekends. Which I don’t get but I’m not a child or a parent (thank God)), kept running into the room.

Then Eric was going to take Josh to the store because they were out of milk and numerous other things. Josh wanted nanas (I am assuming this is Small Child for bananas (which is just wrong. Bananas are disgusting. So are tomatoes and yet, they feed them to my poor Josh. And he likes them! How is this possible? Although, while I’m writing this, I am enjoying some banana flavored Runts (which is kind of weird, don’t you think, that I like banana flavored candy but can’t stand actual bananas? I think it’s a texture thing))).

Then Eric was crabby and snapped at Kari. She got mad (this is so not surprising. This is a marriage between two of the most stubborn people in the world. Except Eric, when he gets mad, he’ll snap and it’s over. He’s vanted, problem solved. Kari, however, holds a grudge forever. And she is not opposed to throwing out, in arguments, something that happened 3 years ago (that might be a slight exaggeration (which I know is just shocking because I am NEVER dramatic at all. Never)).

So she got up and decided to take Josh to the store. She also was going to find the lawn mower manual so she should get a new spark plug and air filter (I was saddened to discover this weekend that the riding lawn mower exists no more) but couldn’t find it. Eric decided to go to the store but wasn’t able to start the car. Kari and Eric argued more and then Kari decided to take Josh for a walk.

She then tells me that she went to a park with Josh and she decided to slide down a slide that was wet and dirty, leaving her to walk home with a wet and dirty posterior. After lunch, she undressed Josh to give him a bath. At that point, after the completely crappy day she has had her young son (under 2 years old) pees on her.

As you can imagine, I, a mature adult, start laughing hysterically and try to convince Kari she needs a blog. She declines but gives me permission to post this.

DM says: See this is why you need a blog.
Kari says: No, thanks.
DM says: Okay, well, can I blog about this?
Kari says: Yes.
DM says: Sweet.
DM says: What else happened?
DM says: Keep the inspiration coming (and the cheap birth control).

Kari then went on to tell me that Eric had also played a little bit of a prank on our mother. Apparently my mother had gone online and seen Kari’s name on Instant Messenger. Kari and Eric use the same IM name so Mom sent a message assuming that it was Kari.

Kari says:
Last night Mom IM’d me and he was naughty and pretended to be me.
DM says:
Oh, no. What did he say to her?
Kari says:
That we had sex last night and I came 3 times.
DM says:
LOL! He did not!
Kari says:
Yes, he did.
DM says:
I love him.
DM says:
I’m sure mom was thrilled.
Kari says:
The conversation started out with Mom saying “Are you being sweet to each other”
Kari says:
She was jealous.
Kari says:
He said “No, Eric is an asshole”.
DM says:
Yeah. I don’t blame her. I’m jealous as well. But I think I have her beat with the celibacy.
Kari says:
Then she said “oh come on be sweet”.
Kari says:
Then he said “He is a lazy good for nothing son of a bitch”.
DM says:
He’s such a dork.
Kari says:
Mom wanted to talk to him.
Kari says:
Yes, he is. It went on for awhile and then I kicked him off the computer. I said to Mom
Kari says:
Hi Mom,
Kari says:
She said “Who’s this?”
DM says:
OH NO!
Kari says:
I said Eric has been pretending to be me.
Kari says:
She was fooled. I can’t believe she would think I would say that Eric and I had sex and I came 3 times to her.
Kari says:
She wanted to know if that was true as she was curious.
DM says:
I’m sorry but you’re killing me here. This is great stuff.
Kari says:
That is good. I’m going to go take a bath now. Eric got the car started. Josh is still sleeping.
DM says:
That’s very cool. Glad to hear it.
Kari says:
Have a good day!
DM says:
You too! Love you!

Huh. Kind of makes me glad that I'm extremely single sometimes. Jeff will at least tell people that it's not me if I get an IM when he's online. At least I think he does...