Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I can't take the pressure anymore! - updated*

*Joe, you can't give me crap about updating the same post because it was done the same day. So there. *Sticks tongue out in a mature and adult like manner*

Okay, okay, I get the message. You want to know what happened at karaoke on Sunday night. Well, I'd be happy to help you with that (and this helps indulge me with the thinking about everything that was said and gosh, he's cute and so funny and my God, I am such a dork) but first I must tell you about Thanksgiving night.

Conversation had on Thursday with Rob (Eric's father).

R: Who goes to karaoke on Thanksgiving?
DM: Me. I am a true karaoke junkie.

Again, pictures of Thanksgiving night are here on Beth's blog. They are mainly about Reverend James (not to be confused with James) and his fiance Marion. Are they not adorable together? I consider their group to be the Thursday night cool table and it is just expected now that we will join them or they will join us if we get there first.

Creepy beret wearing guy was there*. This is the guy I mentioned that would walk by and rub my shoulder and went out of his way to touch every woman that was sitting at our table on Halloween karaoke night. I made a remark to Reverend James about this and we started this joking conversation about how my shoulders could drive men wild with passion. He encouraged me to flash a little bit of shoulder to the Chalet. I would do that at random times and he would pretend to be driven mad with passion. It was fun.

*Actually I don't think he's worn a beret before but there is a song on the soundtrack from King of the Hill where all of the characters are talking and Hank Hill says something about "Never trust a man who wears a beret." This is the 2nd guy we've seen at the Chalet wearing a beret and both of them are creepy. We were telling Reverend James (okay, I'm not going to continue referring to him as Reverend James. And calling him James is just confusing. So he has now been dubbed R James) about the first creepy beret guy and how he would refer to Beth as Elizabeth and stroke his moustache while he was staring at her chest. First of all, her name is not Elizabeth, it is legally Beth and second of all, dude, the moustache thing? That's just weird. Knock it off. The other thing that was annoying was the fake Scottish accent he used. Probably thinking that it might up his chances of getting laid because everyone knows that all you have to do is have a cute accent and women will fall at your feet.

It was pretty slow on Thursday but a lot of fun. Joe Funko came up with his wife. She normally starts work very early during the week and we've never met her. She is very nice and it was fun to watch the interaction between her and Joe. I had asked her "So, are you Mrs. Funko?" and she laughed and said "I guess so."

At one point, Beth and I had a conversation about how we now know lots of straight men (used to be that all of our male friends were gay) so why are we still single? Wasn't it their duty to set us up with other men? Isn't that their job? I turned and smacked R James on the arm.

RJ: Ow! What was that for?
DM: You're a man.
RJ: Yes.
DM: So why are Beth and I still single? Why aren't you setting us up with your friends?
RJ: You know all of my friends. You've met them. They're here on Thursdays.
DM: Oh. Yeah.

I turn to Beth.

DM: Well, I suppose you can always date Donny.
B: Who?
DM: You know. He sang "Beth" last week. He could sing "Beth" to you all the time.
B: Ah, no thanks.

Actually, I'm pretty sure all of R James and Marion's friends are either married or engaged so I suppose we can't blame him too much for our singlehood. But we seriously are going to need to have a talk with Bryan, Key, Benny and Andrew. They are neglecting us.

Liz and James came up later and, as always, Beth and I really enjoyed our conversation with them. It is surprising for me to look back at old posts and realize that a year ago, we were referring to them as "The Cool Table" and now we consider them our friends.

Okay. Now it is time for Sunday night.

As usual, Beth called me to wake me up. I had already showered and getting ready should have been a piece of cake but no, it was not. When I finally got down to the car, I explained to Beth that I had problems deciding what shirt to wear. One shirt I had worn on Thursday, one shirt exposed too much of my gut, another shirt looked better when I wore it with a skirt and I definitely did not have time to shave my legs and the fourth shirt had just been worn a week or two ago.

We arrived there later than usual so, of course, Beth just had to tell Bryan about the reason why I had been running late. I received a somewhat arch look from Bryan and the question "And why did you have to change so many times, Dana?" My response was "I'm scraping the bottom of the laundry barrel." Which is true, I only did one load of clothes this last week because I hate doing laundry. It had absolutely nothing to do with Gil. Like the fact that I had done my hair with my new curlers had nothing to do with Gil and everything to do with the fact that I want to look somewhat attractive for the world. I hope you appreciate it, world.

Okay, it's 4:30. Time to leave. It was busy today as well so I am sorry I didn't complete this. Hopefully I'll get some internet time tonight. Please don't kill me.

Ha! 9:39 and I am back! Sweet. Went to the pool and hot tub with Keem and am going to be sore tomorrow because I did water aerobics and then watched the Amazing Race with Keem so Jeff could be online.

Anyway, back to where I was. Hair/shirt (hair and shirt, not hair shirt) not because of Gil, blah blah (who is buying that anyway?), scraping the laundry barrel, etc.

I had mentioned in my last karaoke post about how Jason had said New Song Sunday should have a Weird Al Yankovich theme to it. When he arrived, we asked him to join us. This soon proved to be a mistake. It is one thing to exchange conversation across the room with another table. You can be friendly and entertaining when walking back and forth from the stage or when meeting up at the bar or even leaning over to have a brief conversation. However, when you are sitting at the same table, what once seemed like normal, goofy behavior turns out to be the result of drunken behavior.

Don't get me wrong, Jason wasn't that bad. Beth and I talked to him about his car (modeled after the car in Ghost Busters), he told us about a cable show he and his friends are putting together, we talked about his wife - all in all a nice, friendly, normal conversation. But then his friends started joining us. The guy whose name I couldn't remember is Ryan. He had the lyrics for the Weird Al songs. There really weren't any songs in my range to sing so Jason was the only one who tried a Weird Al song - You've Got the White Stuff. Which, of course, just happens to be based on a New Kids on the Block song. Great. Two Sundays in a row I have to listen to New Kids. Although I have to admit, I laughed a lot when Jason was singing this.

I guess the problem was when Nigel (fake name) showed up. We haven't seen him in a long time and I always thought he was funny and cute and really nice. Unfortunately, I ended up losing a lot of respect for him because, well, he reminded me of my ex-fiance. Likes to make fun of the handicapped (although, in his defense, I think he was just pretending to be drunk. Because, oh, yeah, that's so mature and sexy), not too bright and, although he didn't come out and say anything directly, we got the idea that he is extremely homophobic. He was also splashing beer around, always a turn on for me. On the way back to my apartment, Beth and I agreed that we were very glad that he and Angie never ended up dating (she gave him her phone number but he never called her. His loss, Steve's gain).

Anyway, despite Nigel, the evening went extremely well. I had lots of fun, my hair was bouncy, I was wearing my new bra (Chocolate colored, low cut AND also two sizes smaller than what I normally wear. Thought for sure it wasn't going to fit and I would have to buy extenders but no, it FITS, baby! That means pretty new bras for me instead of boring, plain white ones) and then Angie, Amy and Sarah all showed up. They had gone to the Big & Rich/Gretchen Wilson concert so they were all in a great mood and Beth and I both felt relieved to be able to have an adult conversation (well, I didn't ask Beth if she was relieved but I'm sure she was).

And then there was Dean and James and Matt, possibly earlier than usual? At first they weren't going to sit with us but then we made room because we like them and they must sit with us. It is a law.

Beth is evil. I hate to come out and break it to you because I know you all think she is sweet and innocent and oh so nice but she is not. Do you know what she did? Do you? She got Angie to sing "I Can't Fight This Feeling." I HATE this song (not as much as Picture but that's not the point). This stupid song is my theme song for life. Oh, yay. In order to find out what your theme song for life is, you go to this website and enter in the date of your 18th birthday. You can choose the number one song for either the UK or the USA. My theme song for life is from the USA list. However, Beth has it worse, I guess. Her theme song for life is the Macarena. She decided to try the date she graduated and that turned out to be Mmm Bop by Hanson (or the other way around. I can't remember. I'm not a detail person). As she puts it, her life has no meaning. My life just means that I am ruled by love (date of graduation is Everything She Wants by Wham, date of birth Love is Here and Now You're Gone by the Supremes). Stupid love. So we're talking about this and James asks me how we figured this out. I couldn't remember the website (because, yeah, thisdayinmusic.com is so hard to remember) but told him I would figure it out for him. His theme song for life is Sweet Child O'Mine by Guns 'N Roses. Ha. I think he should have to sing it next Sunday.

Speaking of love like, how do I do this with the Gil (which, again, stands for Guy I like) thing? Beth knows who he is and Johnny does as well, Teri does because I have emailed her and gave her clues and then she figured it out. I have become more and more obvious about relating what has happened when I see him so if he ever stumbled onto my blog, I'm sure he would figure it out. Okay, here's the deal, if you haven't been able to figure out who Gil is and you really, really want to know, email me (greenduckiesgirl AT gmail DOT com) and I will send you clues because that is more fun for me. If you have figured out who he is, please don't mention his real name in the comments because I'm trying to be somewhat secretive. But you can email me to confirm if you are right.

Anyway, here are some of the things we talked about (my mind is not a steel trap so I may be missing some things. However, we have Beth, who fortunately does normally remember stuff and will refresh our memories (my memory, your...oh, never mind. It works. Trust me)):

At one point, I had looked up at the television and recognized the movie playing.

DM: Oh. 8 Heads in a Duffle Bag.
Gil: (look of mock disdain)
DM: What? I like that movie.
Gil: No. No, you do not.

He then goes on this tirade about how some movie I have never heard of is the worst movie ever and 8 Heads in a Duffle Bag is right behind it because these movies have something to put it over the top.

Gil: And 8 Heads in a Duffle Bag has the...
Gil & DM: The 8 heads singing Mr. Sandman.
DM: (Snorts with laughter as she remembers this). That was funny.
Gil: You know what? It would be great if you just don't talk anymore tonight.

He laughs and then tells me he is kidding. My mature response is to hit him (not hard) and tell him he is a jackass. Or that he is evil. I don't remember. Beth?

Then, for some reason, I say this. Why?

DM: I am somewhat fond of you.

Liz leans forward and just looks at me. I know exactly what she is thinking. "Somewhat? Try a lot."

Man who is not Gil or Bryan: That is the best thing I have ever heard anyone say to (insert Gil's real name here).

We ended up talking about the test that Beth and I took awhile ago, about what the right religion would be for us. Mine ended up being Christianity but I have a better chance of being a Satanist than Jewish, which struck me as being odd.

DM: I don't worship Satan.
Gil: You don't have to worship me. As long as you like me.
DM: (Laughs) You know, it's odd that you said that because Satan is my fake boyfriend.
Gil: (Laughs as well) Oh?

Beth and I then explain about how I had to come up with a fake boyfriend and I said his name was Randall Flagg and Beth called Scott to ask either him or Matt to come up and save her from drunken idiots (and how is it possible that no one ever commented on this post? It is very funny).

Dean mentioned something about driving. Beth asked him if he had a car now or if he was using a friend's. It turned out to be the latter.

Gil: See? He has a driver's license.

I then tell him about Eric and his smart ass remark on Thanksgiving. Gil finds this funny. Of course. Everyone does.

Gil is going to be gone this next week and is flying to an unnamed city somewhere in the midwest that may or may not be very windy.

DM: If you die, I am not going to be pleased.
Gil: I'm sure you can just watch 8 Heads in a Duffle Bag and you'll be fine.
DM: Oh, no, I think if you died, it would take more than 8 Heads in a Duffle Bag to make it be okay.

Dramatic pause.

DM: I'd have to watch the Porky's trilogy at least.

He will be back on Sunday. Thank God. I had to go two weeks without seeing him last month and it was horrible. Why, oh, why must I be so in like? Dagnabit!

Honestly, I know that we said more to each other but mainly it was just a lot of laughing and talking and my telling him that he is evil and I like it. Or a jackass. Or both. I'm not sure. It was just nice to have his attention and have him say a couple of things that made me realize that he remembers stuff that I've said before. And he is so funny and cute and smart and did I mention the cute thing? Because he is.