It's quite possible that I am a teenage boy

I'm not sure what to call this.

Creative hearing? Age regression? Complete and total goofiness? You decide.
Anyway, have you ever had one of those days where no matter what is said, everything sounds extremely perverted? And you laugh and laugh because you’re no longer an intelligent, mature woman of almost 38 but an immature, horny 15 year old boy. At least I wasn’t the only one. Beth got involved in the craziness as well.

Here is what happened on Sunday at karaoke. We had made arrangements to meet with Char. Char is great! And she is getting a blog soon (as I make vague threatening motions with a fork at the thought of her not getting a blog)!

Bryan had bought pull tabs and amused us greatly with the fortunes on them. They were called Fortune Cookie pull tabs and we ended up having to buy a few of our own but I think I’ll save that for another post.

No, I’m all about the sex talk during this post.

Cowboys and Karaoke Singers

The Boy showed up at karaoke. During his first song, he chose to sing Desperado. The lyrics show up on the television over the karaoke machine. Char reads the line while The Boy is singing “You’ve been out riding fences.” Char says “It looks like it says fexes.”

I start laughing hysterically. Char stares at me blankly.

Char (C): What? The “N” and “C” look like an “X”.
DM: Oh. Fexes? I thought you said faces.

Char looks at me for a moment and then she starts laughing.

I’m a sick girl. But dammit, I have a good time.

Can you advertise this on TV?

I am watching the big screen TV in the back of the room. A commercial starts playing for Car Soup (I think). Large white letters flash across the screen. It actually reads “Special Tax Time Deals” but I read it as, you guessed it, “Special Sex Time Deals.” Which makes the next line that more disturbing.

“Nobody works harder for you.”

It’s Not Just Me!

The Boy is talking to us about golf and mentions walking to the clubhouse with his rentals. Beth gets the oddest look on her face, not quite amused, not quite grossed out.

Beth (B): What did you just say?
The Boy (TB): What did you think I just said?
B: Rectals?
TB: You girls are sick!

The new way to encourage people to eat their fruits and vegetables

During the instrumental breaks, many of the songs have cartoon graphics. One of the songs that is playing shows a plate full of strawberries.

DM: Strawberries (in the same tone I use for BIRD! Or SQUIRREL! Or BALLOON!)! I don’t like them.
C: Dipped in chocolate and whipped cream and slowly dragged over your body is okay.
DM: Huh. That might change my mind.

Costume Confusion

Since Keem was doing laundry on Sunday, I was limited in my clothing choices. I ended up wearing a leopard printed top and a skirt. Beth and I had been joking about how I was in disguise as a big cat.

DM: I’m a tiger! Wait, no, not a tiger…
B: A leopard, Dana.
Bryan: That’s the worst tiger costume I’ve ever seen.

And just because he’s hot

Bobby is pouring Coke for Beth. As I’m trying desperately to keep my eyes off of the pop pouring into the glass, he distracts me.

Bobby: That’s a foamy one.

Dammit! Is he trying to kill me?

Anyway, that was my sick and disturbing evening. I had a great time laughing but am seriously beginning to think that just maybe seven years is too long to go without kissing or other activities. Hope you had a great weekend!

Previous Comments:

At 4:55 AM, brooksba said...
It was a fun evening. That's for sure.Did I really hear the word "rectals"? Oh God. I'm an idiot. But hey! At least no one ran away screaming from us!Love you,Beth
At 5:08 AM, Weary Hag said...
Oh this had to be one hell of an evening! Too funny. It reminds me of an incident in my early bartending days when there was a popular shot called a "blow job" (not kidding). First time I learned how to make this thing, a guy had walked up to my crowded bar and said "yeah, I'd like a blow job" to which I snapped "not in this lifetime bucko." I was pretty embarrassed to find out he was ordering a shot. Great post Dana!