Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Winner of the "best brother-in-law ever" award

Monday night, Keem and I were listening to our voice mail.  Keem put the phone on speaker (always fun).  There was one from my mother, asking me about the doctor's appointment (it was fine, they're running tests, I don't want to talk about what I had to do to get the tests run).

The 2nd one was amusing and also incredibly sweet. 

I knew that he had called because I had been speaking to Kari earlier and he had asked if I got his message.  I also knew what he had called about.  But hearing the call was quite the experience.

Eric:  Hi, Dana.  I know it's late.  I know it's 2 in the morning.  Anyway, I went to a bar in Mahtomedi, not sure which one.*

*I am assuming there are more than the 3 bars that I remember when growing up.  Oddly, I've never been in any of them (Well, unless you count the bowling alley.  I only went to the bowling alley to bowl or play video games (and yes, buy drugs in the parking lot on occasion but that was many, many years ago and now I am a sweet and angelic person who would never ever do that again.  Plus, is he ever lucky that I didn't hear the phone.

He goes on to tell me that he ran into some guy and they started talking.  Turns out that this guy went to high school with me.  He continues on with his story.  There is the slurring of words.

Keem:  Is he drunk?
DM:  Well, considering he called at 2 AM, I'd think so.

Eric then says that this guy told him to "Tell Dana I always liked her.  And I hope she understood that I wasn't making fun of her.  It was the group."

High School was not fun for me.  There was a lot of harassment, the incredibly clever fat jokes (and by incredibly clever I mean "Wow.  I'm fat?  You're kidding.  I guess I never figured that out.  How great it is that you called me a cow because that makes me to drop a whole bunch of weight right now!"  Um, try make me eat like crazy, folks), etc.  I hated getting up and going to school.

English made it worth while, I adored my English and Drama teacher Miss Lambert.  I also made friends on the newspaper and yearbook.  I was in a lot of plays and managed to skate under the Unpopular radar most of the time.  But yeah, there was a lot of the mocking and the laughing and the "gosh, we're better than you'll ever be."

I remember the guy that Eric ran into vaguely.  Not in a "Oh my God, I hate that person" way that I reserve for some of the people I knew.  I'd really have to look him up in my yearbook to be sure if it's the person I'm even thinking of.  I do not remember him as being one of the jerks that used to pester me constantly.

When I think about High School, I remember the good.  The fun that I had working on

And Eric's message continued, making me adore him so much more.

Eric:  If you want, I can kick his ass for you.

I don't want.  I don't need.  But it's nice to know that there's someone who would stand up for me over something that happened almost 25 years ago (sob.  I am so old).

Also, Co-Worker Christy and I were talking about another Co-Worker and her jerk of a fiancé and we decided we need to clone Co-Worker Rykken because he is so normal and nice and never does anything bad like cheat on people or make them feel bad about themselves.  And then we decided to include some of Christy's boyfriend's DNA with cloned Rykken because he is very sweet.  And then I said we needed to include Bryan (karaoke host Bryan) because he can sing and that's very important.

Christy:  We need someone with rock hard abs. 

She turns to Rykken.

Christy:  Women like that sort of thing.
DM:  Hmm.  Oh!  Jason Statham.
Christy:  Okay!  That works.  Could you imagine?  Rykken combined with Jason Statham?

Christy and I have a Jason Statham moment.  Rykken looks vaguely uncomfortable.  But he's so nice and normal that he later makes a suggestion that we inject some Sam Cook DNA into the mix (apparently that's Rykken's favorite singer).

So if we ever figure out how to clone someone and mess around with DNA and stuff, there are going to be some perfect men out there.  I look forward to this day.  I mean, granted, I'll probably be over 100 before science makes any sense to me but still, it would be worth it.