Oh Monday. Why do you hate me so?

Remember last week?  When I was pretty sure I was going to die?  Yeah.  Now I am almost twice as sure.

Thursday, for no apparent reason, my nose started to itch.  Did this mean I was going to come into money?  No.  It meant germs were descending upon me.  I don't know who to blame for this.  I am sure there are many sick people around the office but no one has recently coughed or sneezed in my direction. 

By Friday morning, I had the runny noise and drainage.  Always a bundle of laughs.  My chiropractor did some acupressure on my sinus trigger points and it was interesting to see how swollen my lymph nodes were under my jaw.  He also recommended some absolutely vile thing called Chinese Coptis which helps you fight infection.  Quite possibly the most disgusting thing I have ever had in my life.  But it helped.  The rest of the day was spent with me trying to breathe because my lungs would fill up with the crap.  I'd do the pressure points and then go and throw up a ton of phlegm BUT I'd be able to breathe again.  I did impress my boss with my dedication to work when she overheard me in the bathroom.  After she expressed concern, I reassured her that this was surprisingly a good thing because I like to breathe.  I come down very strongly on the side of breathing.

Saturday Keem and I went gallivanting because it was her birthday.  We went to the casino where Keem won $300.  I, unfortunately, was not as lucky as her but at least I broke even.  Then we went to play Bingo where I won $10 and Keem won $99.  We did not win the jackpot of $1,000 but were philosophical about it because (direct quote) "at least those annoying people didn't win."  The annoying people were a group of women sitting behind Keem who decided to talk about their turn-ons and also a man, his girlfriend and an older woman who sat there complaining about the fact that they weren't winning.  Loudly.  With lots of swear words.  Which, hey, normally I will swear with the best of them, but threatening the bingo caller with your dauber is not very nice.  And it's a game!  Not everyone wins!  That's why it's called gambling!

Sunday was spent lying about the apartment, whining to Keem about how I was dying (cold has descended into my lungs, I try to avoid coughing because it hurts my ribs so I end up trying to do something similar to Lamaze to stop the coughing.  It actually sounds like "Whoo-hooo-hoo" and then Keem hears it and yells at me because I have to get the crap out of my lungs).  This annoys her but she must have felt somewhat sorry for me because she dyed my hair (the box says it is pomegranate but I'm not so sure - it looks closer to black) and also turned on the subtitles when we watched The Bank Job (my hearing sucks and accents make it worse.  So while Jason Statham is very pretty, I'd actually like to know why he's being chased around by lots of people).  Subtitles are never allowed the first time we've watched a movie so I know that pity was involved (or she couldn't hear them either).

Today my morning pretty much sucked (cough, hack, spit, repeat ad nauseum) but then I went to the chiropractor.  After doing the whole pressure points thing again and cracking something called "the atlas", I went to work feeling much taller and, after about an hour, able to breathe again.  It's now about 4:30 and when I first started this post, it was about 9:30 and I did think I would never feel better again.  Plus, the best part of all of this?  I only took cold medicine on Friday and nothing since then.  Usually I swallow cold medicine like it's going out of style and spend the time floating around in a daze.  Maybe the plague is over?  Maybe Monday doesn't hate me after all?  I could almost believe that if it wasn't for all of the monitorings I have to finish by tomorrow.

How are you all doing?  Were you as sad as I was to hear about Paul Newman passing away?

And now for news of a happier (and mysterious) nature

In which she gushes on and on about the kitten, proving that she really needs a life.

Kalli has seemed to adjust well to living with us.  Her little face lights up whenever Eddy comes into a room and it is cute to see how she stops whatever she is doing and lunges at him.  Eddy has even started treating her less like a nuisance and more like a little sister.  He is initiating play and was caught licking her head the other night (although he stalked off the minute he realized we saw it).

One of the cutest things I have seen so far is Eddy sitting on top of the office chair, dangling his tail in Kalli's face and twitching it so she keeps leaping at it.  She is quite the leaper.  Last night, she saw Keem's bag handle was hanging down and she leapt at it until she was able to pull the bag down.  She is easily amused and is constantly running around, leaping and somersaulting and causing tons of trouble. 

Even though she is technically Keem's kitten (just like Eddy is technically my cat), she has taken to sleeping with me.  Which, you know, is awesome.  Cuddly kitten who likes to purr in my ear.  Except that's not all she's doing.  Apparently I am her mother figure and she curls herself up into my arm, licking and kneading at it.  And sometimes biting.  I have tiny little scabs all over my right arm from where her tiny little claws are piercing my skin.  Somewhat painful.  I've tried to convince her that this really isn't necessary and then she cries so piteously that I give up. 

Someone asked me about her name today and I said it really depended - There was Kalli, of course.  And Kalypso Jean when she is being annoying.  And Little Miss Trouble.  Calamity Jean when she is whining.  Kalli Monster when she is attacking.  And then some of the others - such as "Shut up for the love of God!" and "Not the toes!" and "Stop it!" and "Kittens do not go into the stove!"

She's almost doubled in size.  I'll have to post more pictures.  It's just amazing how she went from this tiny little grey and white ball of fur and now she is grey and tan and white with black stripes.  Every day there's something different.

In which she talks about the mystery

The other day I came walking up to my desk and couldn't figure out who was sitting in my chair.  There was a person.  But then I realized that the person was green and kind of fuzzy.  Someone left me the gift of a giant frog.  I do not know who.  Keem knows.  Jess knows.  Christy knows.  Half of the center must know.  But I do not.  I sent this email out to the center and not a single person has stepped forward and said "It was me!"  Dang them all.

From:   DM
Sent:   Thursday, September 18, 2008 9:06 AM
To:     Everyone in my center
Subject:        To the anonymous frog gifter

Hi, everybody!

I came in this morning to find a giant frog sitting at my desk, in my chair.  After a brief moment where I thought I had been fired and replaced, I realized that this was a gift from someone.  But who?  Kim Schams knows but won't tell me.  So, because I don't know who to thank, I'm sending this to everyone.

Thank you, anonymous kind person.  The frog (who is now known as Laird) is sitting at the desk next to mine for now. 

Laird (I've thought it was a cool name ever since I once spoke to a guy named Laird that was actually the last Laird of his clan) has his own desk, someone made him a name plate and every day I come in to see another change.  He's got a coffee mug and a seat cushion (both for the Packers though.  I thought it was pretty obvious that Laird is Scottish and wouldn't be a football supporter.  But no one has dropped off a new golf set for him).  He's been set up with his feet up on the desk.  Or he's writing something.  Someone posed him so he looked like he was talking on the phone. 

He's been elected as our mascot.  And shall be the leader of my army when Co-Worker Vicki follows through with her threat to become Supreme Commander of the Universe.  I offered her all of the administrative jobs of running the Universe while everyone worshipped me but she wasn't going for that.  Apparently she's planning on setting up her own army that will consist of clowns throwing worms at me (this is the problem with trusting the people.  They learn your fears and exploit them).  But don't worry, my loyal subjects, I won't let her win.

I'm not sure how I started talking about the kitten and ended up with my imaginary frog/clown war with my newest arch-nemesis.  I guess that's just how I roll.

Bullet Point Monday

How I hate Mondays.  Let me count the ways.

• My lower back is tied up in knots and I come very close to screaming if it is touched.  Let me just suggest that you don't do this if your chiropractor is trying to adjust you.  It can frighten him.
• I had a crappy work week and my weekend, which I thought was going to be fun and exciting, ended up trying to kill me.
• I first figured there was a problem on Saturday when I was having the worst time trying to catch my breath after finishing mowing Beth's yard.
• Then my heart started racing and I thought for a moment it would break from my chest, like a bat out of hell (if you can catch the two songs I am referencing here, I will be very impressed).
• The world's worst headache ever decided we should wrestle with each other.
• Took a nap and 4 ibuprofen tablets and nothing touched it.
• When I was standing at the top step of her basement stairs, got incredibly dizzy and almost fell backwards, that was a pretty good indication that something was wrong.
• Throwing up kind of drove the message home.
• My cell phone was dead and I couldn't call anyone but fortunately Keem was online.  I told her the problem and she said I should come home.  Since Beth was at work, Keem offered to come get me.
• After almost throwing up twice more on the way home, I was ordered to bed by Keem.
• Kalli expressed her joy to see me by trying to chew off my toes and fingers.  Although the gnawing did help on one of the mosquito bites.
• Sunday was spent drinking a lot of water and staying in bed.  My lower back hates my bed.  Very, very much so.  Which is why it hurts so much today.
• Both Keem and the chiropractor think I was probably dehydrated. 
• The headache is finally gone, lost the rematch when my neck was adjusted.
• Today I do not feel like throwing up.  Which is a good thing.  I just hurt.  Not as badly as I did yesterday but still, would rather be home in bed.
• I am to warm up in the morning and cool down in the evening (heating pad on lower back in morning, ice pack at night).
• Incredibly busy today with a ton of stuff in our virtual library Inbox.  I'll be updating most of the morning.  Then I get to listen to some calls that went horribly, horribly awry and had to be "pulled" for training purposes.  If I'm lucky, I'll get to spend some time catching up on my monitorings.
• Must get back to work.  Hope you all had a good weekend and a much better Monday morning then I am.

Yet another reason why I should get my hearing checked

I am sitting over at Beth's house right now. We are both on our respective laptops (she is loading pictures from her recent trip to Chicago, I am checking Bloglines to see who has updated lately).

The television is on but we're not really paying that much attention to it.

Some lady is blabbing in the background about the wine country or something. She says something that strikes me as odd. I turn to Beth.

"Did she just say they planted hand grenades in their yard for landscaping?"

Beth starts laughing.

Apparently they planted grapes. Possibly Concord grapes. Not hand grenades.

We also are kind of flipping through the channels and have landed on something called "Sex Talk." Four women are being interviewed about something called ExtenZe. It's a male enhancement that will apparently increase a man from smaller to "double barrelled."

If you get the free trial, they'll send you two cans of the ExtenZe drink.

Beth - It's penis in a can! What do you think would happen if you mix that with Red Bull?

Then this complete bimbo is interviewing random couples on the street and amazingly enough, all the men use ExtenZe. And wow! It's so great!

Apparently this is a cleverly disguised infomercial. And when I say cleverly, I mean completely disturbing.

This is a weird, weird world we live in.

Saved by the Paper Napkin

Sheryl from Paper Napkin is awesome because she posted a meme and that made me be able to breathe a sigh of relief that I will be able to post something besides an essay of what my cats have been doing this week. Seriously. I was sitting there thinking "Don't I have anything else to say besides 'Kalli is cute and Eddy is adorable'?" Apparently not. Well, there is the fact that I am seriously starting to think about investing in a suit of armor. Kalli's teeth and claws are very sharp and she likes to use them. We also changed her middle name to Jean so now she is named after Jean Grey from the X-Men. She also has a new nickname - Calamity Jean.

Anyway, here is the meme.

Things I love:

Song you love: I love a ton of music but my absolutely favorite one ever (this week) is "Pieces on the Ground" by The Nadas. Awesome.

Word you love: Besides Awesome? Thwart. I love the way it sounds.

Academic subject you love: Greek Mythology

Hobby you love: Scrapbooking, Blogging

Type of baked good you love: The one thing I can never resist - 7 Layer Bars

Type of sky you love: Blue with big puffy clouds

Beverage you love: Mountain Dew. I am weak.

Vacation you love: I am quite fond of the road trip.

Restaurant you love: Manny's. Mmm. Steak.

Way of getting around that you love: I think I would really enjoy using a Segway. Other than that, it would be in a car with a friend with the tunes blasting and the windows open.

Person you love: Kari

Room in your home (or ideal home) you love: The living room. My shiny computer is there.

Movie you love: The Imposters is my favorite movie of all time.

Book you love: Please. Like I can settle for just one. Anything by Nora Roberts. I read a brilliant one this summer called The Bright Side of Disaster by Katherine Center. Kane and Abel & The Prodigal Daughter by Jeffrey Archer.

City you love: Lisbon

Future plan you love: Moving to Lisbon

Form of communication you love: Email. I'm not fond of talking on the phone.

Junk food you love: Cheez-its. Even better - Cheez-its and Cream Cheese covered with Jalapeno Jelly. Yum.

To do this yourself, just copy and paste into your own blog!

Song you love:
Word you love:
Academic subject you love:
Hobby you love:
Type of baked good you love:
Type of sky you love:
Beverage you love:
Vacation you love:
Restaurant you love:
Way of getting around that you love:
Person you love:
Room in your home (or ideal home) you love:
Movie you love:
Book you love:
City you love:
Future plan you love:
Form of communication you love:
Junk food you love:

Motherhood kind of sucks

It's 2:30 in the morning and I am exhausted. Why? Because the newest addition to our household thinks I'm her mother. And needs me to show her where everything is. Hungry? Let's mew in Dana's ear. Have to go to the bathroom? Another mew. Don't want to sleep right now? Well, that's an exceptionally loud mew.

Right now she is running around like a furry top on speed.

Eddy seems to be coming around. At first there was a lot of hissing and the paw of justice came out a lot. But now he seems to be getting used to her. Last night he even laid in front of her and was "flippy kitty" (rolling back and forth on his back). What's a lot of fun is watching this little tiny ball of gray and white (and some tan) fur chase this gigantic cat down the hallway.

Anyway, we took her to the vet on Friday and, in case you did not guess, it's a girl. Pink bubble gum cigars to all of you (if I had pink bubble gum cigars, of course).

After a lot of decisions (she was Isis for about two hours), we decided on Kalypso (Melissa, it was funny to see you mentioned that as a possibility). Kalypso Jane Gray to be exact. Kalli for short. Or Little Miss Trouble. Or 3wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Get off the keyboard, cat! Or Shut up! Or Not the toes! Leave the toes alone!

But she is adorable. Take a look.

On the way to Kari's after first picking her up (she discovered the camera cord).

Causing a ton of trouble when she knocked every single remote down.

Right before she decided the newest place to hang out was the computer.

You should see her attacking the cursor. That is hilarious.

And she is exhausted after running around causing trouble.

It's 2:50. Hopefully she's ready to sleep now. Doubt it but worth a shot.

Name that Kitten!

Meet Keem's new kitten. We don't know if the kitten is male or female (Quoting Kari - "They think he is a male but they're not 100% sure). We do know that someone abandoned the kitten outside of my sister's boss's house. Kari called me today and asked me if I wanted him. Keem has always wanted a kitten (Eddy is kittenlike but also set in his ways) - especially a fluffy kitten so I called her. After much persuasion on my part (well, not much. Actually more "Keem. Fluffy gray kitten." And she said "I know. Shut up!"

We have to come up with a $300 pet deposit and take him/her to the vet on Friday to make sure there are no nasty diseases to be passed on to Eddy. Kari, Josh and I are going to pick him up tonight and Kari will probably keep him/her for a few days in her breezeway.

But he/she is fluffy. And gray. And quite adorable looking. And also nameless. We are thinking something Greek. Possibly after a Greek God or Goddess. I am kind of leaning towards Ares but that might be because the guy who played Ares on Xena the Warrior Princess was hot. Would it be wrong to name a cat after the God of War? I've been compiling a list of male/female names so we're prepared.

Beth put in a vote for Kurka. It means Chicken in Ukrainian.

Eddy was named after Edmund Gray on All My Children since he was my favorite soap character. I added Fitzgerald as a middle name because The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald is one of my favorite songs. So that's how I came up with Edmund Fitzgerald Orange. New kitten (or TBD as I've taken to thinking of him/her) has to have something good. We are not naming him/her FLUFFY KITTY! (Keem's suggestion when she saw his/her picture)

What do you think?