Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Things I have learned - The Beverage Edition

AKA - Things I have learned, besides the fact that trying to do an outline in Blogger is pretty much a joke - The Beverage Edition (I knew this title sounded familiar. Sheryl did a kitchen edition recently).

1) Buying a bottle of water because you are strangely fascinated with the shape of the bottle is not exactly practical.
a) Oh, let’s be honest. I picked the bottle up because of the shape. I ended up buying it because it is OGO. Oxygen Water. Water with 35% more oxygen in it. And that fascinated me even more than the shape.
b)Telling your friend why you bought the bottle of water will provoke the comment “Dana. Water has oxygen in it. That’s why it’s called H2O.” And then you have to explain about the 35% more oxygen and get the look that says “My God, when PT Barnum said ‘There’s a sucker born every minute,’ he was talking about you.” Except PT Barnum actually never said that. So the look actually says “My God, when PT Barnum’s competitor said ‘There’s a sucker born every minute,’ he was talking about you.”
c) Beth’s looks are capable of saying a lot. I bet you didn’t know that.
d) Water with extra oxygen still just tastes like water. I am not exactly sure why I expected it to taste differently but it doesn’t.

2) Carbonated water tastes the same as mineral water. Not like regular water. Do not be fooled!
a) I don’t like mineral water. Therefore I do not like carbonated water.
b) There are not enough citruses doing the twist in the world to make me like this water. I want to like the water but I can’t. I think it might only be because the thought of citruses doing the twist amuses me.
c) Is the plural of citrus actually citruses? Or am I making that up? Spell check has not rejected it.

3) Sobe Elixir (Cranberry-Grapefruit flavored) is quite possibly the most perfect juice beverage ever. Even though it only actually has 3% juice and therefore is only a juice beverage by a small technicality.
a) It has carnitine, chromium & Vitamin C in it. The only thing I really recognize there is Vitamin C. Carnitine could be some horrible poison and I wouldn’t know. And is chromium related to chrome?
b) Last night I listened to a song called “Aluminum” and it amused me.
c) I only thought about that now because it kind of rhymes with chromium.
d) I am disturbed that the back of the Sobe bottle says “Shake the lizard. Refrigerate after opening. Recycle the lizard.” What does this mean? Why is the bottle called a lizard? Why? It is not lizard shaped!

4) While Mountain Dew is quite possibly the most perfect soda in the world, there is probably not enough caffeine in the world to make my brain work today. Well, at least in a logical manner.
a) I cannot believe I just used the word soda. It’s pop, damn it! It is obvious that I am hanging around Beth much too much.
b) I cannot believe I just used the word logical in conjunction with my brain. My brain doesn’t normally function in a logical manner. Why do I think caffeine would make any difference?

And, just because it is there and I have to wait for a stupid bus because I can't convince Keem to pick me up, I bring you this meme.

You Are From Pluto

You are a dark, mysterious soul, full of magic and the secrets of the universe.
You can get the scoop on anything, but you keep your own secrets locked in your heart.
You love change and you use it to your advantage, whether by choice or chance.
You don't like to compromise, to the point of being self-destructive with your stubborness.
Live life with love, and your deep powers will open the world to you.

Except, of course, according to this post Udge had last week, Pluto isn't a planet anymore. I am going to protest. Except that the post isn't there anymore. Did I imagine that Pluto is no longer a planet? I appear to have imagined that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes broke up. I swear to God someone was telling me that last week but, after extensive Googling, have determined it may actually have been a dream.