Monday, March 03, 2008

Fun with sick people*

*Alternately titled Dana is on serious drugs (over the counter, people) and things are either confusing or amusing or both (and hey, confusing and amusing rhyme. confusing, amusing, confusing, amusing). It is a good thing Keem is in La Crosse or the whole little confusing/amusing dance number I just worked up would have put her over the edge on the Tolerating Dana Oddness scale.

Elvis hasn't left the building, he's still hanging around

Background - Beth went to Graceland and, knowing that I am a huge young Elvis fan, brought me back postcards with his glorious young image all plastered over them. I had been talking to Co-worker Rykken and Beau about something...

DM: Something, something, something. Rykken, you may notice that I am easily distracted sometimes by things...

Co-worker Rykken has worked with me since I started at this particular department of NABABNA and so has always been aware of how my mind works but, since he is somewhat diplomatic, doesn't start in with smart-ass sarcastic comments. Co-worker Beau, however, is not diplomatic and does. Co-worker Beau is not sufficiently frightened of the wrath that is Dana. Must work on this. Plus, I am quite sure Buddhists aren't supposed to be sarcastic. I am almost positive that this is a huge Buddhist rule. I think it is right up there with Thou shalt not mock Dana and make her cranky.

Beau: Sometimes something hanging on her wall is crooked.
DM: Hey! I am not!

Notices postcard of Elvis is askew and not charmingly so.

DM: Elvis is crooked. This will not do.

Starts straightening Elvis.

DM: Elvis is thwarting me!

Realizes Rykken and Beau are staring at her because she just got distracted by something she just said she didn't get distracted by.

DM: Oh, shut up.

Later, our heroine (that would be me) returns to her desk and sees that the postcard of Elvis is upside down. She realizes that this was done by Co-worker Rykken when she hadn't been looking. Our heroine (still me) sends Co-worker Rykken the following email:

From: DM
Sent: Thursday, February 28, 2008 12:24 PM
To: Co-worker Rykken
Subject: Elvis

Elvis is very cranky now. He doesn't like being upside down. The blood is rushing to his head.

Wooooooo. Wooooooo. Yoooooooou aaaaaain't noooooothin' buuuuut aaaaaa hooooound dooooog. Woooooo.

That is Elvis's ghost yelling at you. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Not aware of my own strength

Last Monday, when I was home sick, I wandered into the bathroom and found that I had some clorasceptic lozenges left from January. Yay! My throat is sore. I will take one of the lozenges.

I push on the lozenge, hoping to break it from its thin tinfoil prison. Apparently I push just a tad too hard because it shoots out the package and, with a perfect arch, lands in the toilet. Kerplunk. Dammit. Luckily Keem, who is always prepared, had Halls cough drops in her room.

Dreams that make you say WTF?

I don't remember much about this but apparently I had a dream in which that Wallace Langham (Hodges from CSI: And oh my GOD how I do love him), Tiffany-Amber Theissen (but she may just go by Tiffany Theissen now, I'm not really all that up on my Saved by the Bell star trivia) and Viggo Mortensen were in this new reality show called "Trapeze with the Stars" and they were doing this elaborate routine to Helter Skelter. And I was one of the judges. And Wallace Langham may have kissed me. But I'm not sure about that part, it might have something to do with wishful thinking.

I do know that when I woke up, Helter Skelter was playing on iTunes.

Is that it? How is that it?

I swear to God there were more Sick Dana stories but I can't remember them now. Perhaps later.

I am feeling better, thank you for all your well wishes. I am still stuffy and coughing on occasion but no longer convinced I'm going to break ribs. Tomorrow my vacation starts and I am free from work for 7 glorious days (work days, actually, I don't return until the 13th) and then I can start panicking all over again about "How will I ever get this all done?" All I can say is that it better never again involve working until 10:30 (Friday) and coming in on Saturday (2-7:45). I was going to come in on Sunday but hadn't been sleeping well this last week since I couldn't wear my CPAP so ended up taking some Tylenol PM and conked out for most of the day. And still managed to go to bed at 8:30 and sleep until 7 this morning. Glorious, glorious sleep.

I should be able to catch up on blog reading this week. I hope so anyway! And I am working on the next entry in the Encyclopedia of Dee Em but can't figure out what D should be about. Any suggestions?