Saturday, December 11, 2004

The Wanderer

Some lyrics for you. And then I'll explain.

"The Wanderer" by Dion

Oh well I'm the type of guy who'll never settle down,
Where pretty girls are, well, you know that I'm around,
I kiss'em and I love'em 'cause to me they're all the same,
I hug'em and I squeeze'em, they don't even know my name,
They call me the wanderer - yeah the wanderer,
I roam around, around, around, around.

Oh, well there's Flo on my left, and there's Mary on my right,
And Janie is the girl that I'll be with tonight,
And when she asks me which one I love the best,
I'll tear open my shirt and show her Rosie on my chest,
'Cause I'm a wanderer - yeah a wanderer,
I roam around, around, around, around.

Oh, well I roam from town to town,
I go through life without a care,
And I'm as happy as a clown,
And with my two fists of iron but I'm going no way on.

Oh yeah, I'm the type of guy that likes to roam around,
I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town.
And when I find myself fallin' for some girl,
Yeah I hop right into that car of mine, drive around the world,
Yeah I'm a wanderer - yeah a wanderer
I roam around, around, around, around.

Oh yeah, I'm the type of guy that likes to roam around,
I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town.
And when I find myself fallin' for some girl,
I hop right into that car of mine... drive around the world,
'Cause I'm a wanderer - yeah a wanderer,
I roam around, around, around, around.
'Cause I'm a wanderer - yeah a wanderer,
I roam around, around, around, around.

Okay, so what's up with the lyrics? Am I attracted to a man who likes to wander? Is it I who is the wanderer? Although I currently am attracted to three different men (Spock (haven't really mentioned him before), Data and Bobby), no, I'm not juggling men. I am so not a player.

The wanderer in tonight's post is Eddy. Edmund Fitzgerald Orange, a small cat that weighs approximately 5-10 pounds. Eddy has issues. The major issue is that he's my freakin' cat and yet he worships the ground that Keem walks on. This has to do with the fact that she feeds him wet cat food and I won't. He's also quite neurotic. By this, I mean that he likes nothing better than to sit in the corner by the door and yowl. MRRRRRRROOOOOOWWWW. Which translates to several different things - sometimes it's "Keem! KEEEEEEMMMM! I have left a toy (usually a fake mouse. Or his favorite, the faux fur covered spider that has been played with so many times that all that remains is two pieces of fake fur and skin (not real skin but you know what I mean), one piece with eyes, one with out) on your bed and I expect you to come and play with me right now. Now, dang it! What do I have to do to get some attention around here!"

"I am all alone. NOOOO ONE loves me. Where is my KEEEEEEEM?" Usually when Keem is not home. Like this weekend. So I am feeling sorry for Jeff right now because he has to deal with it. Since apparently in the morning, when Keem and I have left for work, he will moan piteously (Eddy, not Jeff).

"Please let me run into the hallway. It would be very fun. I like nothing better than to run up and down the hallway like a freak."

Eddy has always had a thing for hallways. It started when he and I and Mac lived in an apartment on the outskirts of St. Paul (St. Paul but yet not). He would run out into the hallway and it wasn't that big of a deal because it was a very short hallway that was square. So it was more like a lobby than a hallway. Or maybe a foyer (which is a fun word to say. Try it. Foyer. Foyer. Foyer. Wasn't that fun?).

Anyway, Eddy would run out in to the hallway and I would laugh at him and he would roll around on the carpet being cute and adorable and we would have these wonderful bonding moments. And then one night I left him outside in the hallway all night and didn't notice it until the next morning. No wonder he hates me.

When Keem, Jeff and I moved to downtown Saint Paul, both Bob (Keem's former cat) and Eddy were in awe of the gigantic hallway that awaited them. They would dash out as often as they possibly could, running down to the end of the hall and back again. Eddy still does this. When he manages to get out into the hallway a 2nd time in the night since the first time is spent with him being Roly Poly kitty and propelling himself around the carpet with just his front paws.

It's pretty funny to see him do this. He kind of pads away from me, tail straight up in the air, with the slight curve at the top. He is Question Kitty, out on his quest to save the world. Or at least the hallway. He'll head down past the elevators, towards the garbage chute and about halfway down the right side of the hallway, he will turn around, see me following behind him and break into a run back towards me. And then Whoosh, he is past me, loping down the hall, the Born Free song playing through his little mind, his personal soundtrack.

He also likes to stop at the different doors and sniff them. Don't ask me why. He's a cat and he likes Keem better than me so we don't communicate telepathically. I think a couple of our neighbors have cats and he's trying to say hi. Or something.

Wednesday, I was playing on the computer and Eddy was sitting by the front door, yowling again. Mrrrrrooooooooww! MRRRRRROWWWWW! Over and over. Driving Keem crazy. She calls back to me and asks me to let him out into the hallway so he'll just SHUT UP already. Fine. I can do that. It's his second time into the hallway so he does all of the stuff I mentioned in the two paragraphs above this one.

But this night, he adds something to his repertoire (you have no idea how glad I am that Beth has a dictionary by her computer. is great but not if you don't know how to spell the damn word). After he's run past me and I'm slowly walking towards him, he pauses and starts sniffing at a door. From where I'm standing, it looks like he's put his front paws on the door and is standing up.

I get a little closer and I realize why his tail is changing angles.

The neighbor (who I don't know at all) left his door open. And Edmund Fitzgerald Orange has decided that "Hey, open door! Wow! I should totally walk into this complete stranger's apartment and start exploring!"

You haven't truly lived until you've stood outside some random person's apartment door and hissed threats to your cat. "Eddy. Eddy, get over here right now. Dammit, cat!"

Finally I am reduced to knocking on the door. The random person comes walking up, I can hear him talking to someone else in the background. And then I hear this. "What are you doing in here?"

Eddy walks out casually. I swoop him up. Look this man in the eye and say "He escaped. Sorry."

Yes, I lied. But what was I going to say? Hey, my cat was driving my roommate crazy so I let him run around the hallway. Hope he didn't bother you too much.

Damn cat. You've got to love the little orange bastard.

Previous Comments:

At 7:05 PM, The Lioness said...
I loved this. I love cats. I will have to re-read when i've regained my senses. help. v distracted, sorry. Emailed you an attachment, you will see, you will see how NASTY this is!
At 8:07 PM, brooksba said...
DM,I love this story. Too cute! And I love how Eddy likes to drive you crazy. He's just like a little kid (think Riley and the treats - I hope Matt posts this story soon - Matt if you're reading this, "POST SOON!")I want to get home and see the email Lioness is talking about. Serves you right for leaving him in the hallway all night long. ;)Beth
At 8:15 PM, brooksba said...
Hey! I commented. Where did it go?
At 8:37 PM, CarpeDM said...
It's right here. Silly. Actually, it's probably blogger that's silly. Sometimes it does that.