Am I a disgrace to womanhood because I don't want a baby?

You may hear people refer to themselves as not a cat person or not a dog person. I'm not a child person. I don't like small children. They're messy, throw up, have disgusting diapers and you have to constantly follow them around to make sure they keep out of trouble. Give me a cat any day, a lot less maintenance.

Don't get me wrong; kids are okay, as long as they keep their distance. I adore my nephew (the most adorable child in the universe (and no, I am not biased)) and love spending time with him. I just don't want a child of my own. My biological clock is not ticking and is probably broken. I'm not financially (or emotionally) secure enough to bring a child into this world and I think there are enough children that don't have homes that if I ever found myself wanting a child, I could adopt.

Now, you would think, wouldn't you, that with the population exploding the way it is, I would be admired for saying this, right? Well, you'd be wrong. For some reason, whenever the topic of children has come when I am surrounded by a group of women, the fact that I don't want to physically bear children seems to be akin with admitting that in my spare time I like to bludgeon small furry animals to death.

Take the following conversation:

Group of women, all of whom have or are planning on having children, and myself are talking at work, in between calls at the Bank of DM. The topic of babies comes up. There is much oohing and ahhing about how wonderful children are and how everyone should have a small child.

DM (naively stating, hoping this time her opinion will be valued): "I don't want to have children."

Future Mother: "You don't? How can you not want to have children? Everyone should have children."

DM: "I don't like babies (see above reason why)." Gasps of horror abound. "What? I don't."

Mother of 3: "Oh, DM, it's different when you have your own. I used to feel the same way and then I popped out 3 annoying little rugrats and my whole brain exploded (okay, she probably didn't say that but hey, it's my blog)."

Future Mother: "Every woman should have a child. You're just not ready. Someday you'll realize you want to have babies."

DM (ticked off, especially when she considers how many children are abused by their parents daily): "I don't agree with you. I don't think I will ever be ready to have a baby. I've already decided that if I ever get financially secure enough, I will adopt an older child, one who may not have a chance to get adopted otherwise."

Future Mother: "Well, you can still have a baby."

DM: "But I don't want a baby. I would think that the fact that I realize I don't have the temperament to properly care for a baby would be a good thing. Why take the chance that I might be one of those women that can't handle it and then abandons her baby?"

Future Mother: "That's horrid. You wouldn't do that."

DM: "I don't know that. No one knows that. No one wakes up and says 'Hmm, when I have a baby, I'll abandon them.' I'm just saying I don't think I could handle a baby on a full time basis."

Wise Grandmother: "DM, if you don't feel you could handle a baby, don't have one."

DM: "Thank you." Yes! Finally someone understands!

The following day, I walk into work, I address the same group of and tell them the following story:

DM: "Last night I went home. One of my cats ran out into the hallway like he always does. Since I was in a hurry to answer the phone, I figured he would be okay in the hallway for a few minutes." The women look at me strangely, trying to figure out why I am telling them this. I continue. "This morning, when I was getting ready, I hear this loud meowing coming from the hallway. I realize that I never let Eddy back into the apartment last night. I left my cat outside all night. And you think I should have a child?"

Wise Grandmother: "Don't have children, DM."

Future Mother: "Well, that's just a cat. You wouldn't do that with a baby."

This conversation took place 3 years ago. Eddy is fine and well, still trying to run into the hallway (and yes, I have forgotten him again, fortunately the neighbor knocked on the door (but it was only 2 times in six years)). I still do not want babies of my own but I adore my nephew. I still think I may adopt someday but if I did, I would definitely want an older child, maybe 15 or 16.

So do you think it's wrong that I don't want my own child?

Previous comments

At 12:39 PM, Robert ~ Marlénè said...
I only wish more people didn't want children. There are far too many of them. And it's not just women, either... I've heard about men who go around purposely trying to impregnate their girlfriends ('losing' the rubber, etc) so they can have some more.

And those people are completely irrational. They can't think of anything more important in the world than to survive and reproduce, as if they were ibexes on the veldt. Such people have said the same thing to me... ME, a big old queen... that I would feel different once I had some (not IF, mind you, but WHEN), as if it were inevitable that one day I would suddenly be struck by the urge to reproduce biologically, and would start blindly groping about trying to stick my seed into some poor woman in order to keep my bloodline going. Eew.

But fear not, DM, you are not alone. I know of three other women right off the top of my head who don't want to reproduce, not now, not ever (of course, I also know a handful who keep spitting out babies they don't like and can't afford as if it were something they couldn't control). Sometimes they get that old biological urge, that weird melty feeling you get when you hold a baby, but they ignore it the same way we ignore the urge to kill things that get in our way. Ignoring our biological urges is what makes us human, you know?