But I can only wear one pair of shoes at a time - what's the point?

I have a confession to make.  I am fashion challenged.  I don't get Prada.  I don't have a clue to what the difference is between Vogue or Cosmo.  I think that models really need to just eat something.  I love my job and the fact that I can easily come to work every day wearing jeans and a t-shirt.  I am wearing, right now, brown sandals, a red t-shirt and blue leggings.  I know, deep inside somewhere, that this is terribly wrong but I just don't care.  I wear these shoes with everything.  They are perfect.  Do you know how hard it is to find a pair of flat, closed toe sandals?  Do you?  I refuse to bare my toes.  They are ugly and deformed and topped with toenails from hell. 
 
The most money I have ever paid for a pair of shoes was $40.  This is an obscene amount of money to pay for shoes.  Do you know how many books I could get for that money?  But I was desperate.  The pair of cheap cotton sandals lost a vital part of their sole at work one day and were causing me horrendous pain with every step I took.  I ended up making an emergency trip through the skyway to Daytons to check out their shoe department.  Imagine my horror when I discovered that every single pair of sandals they had were open toe.  And these were the only attractive pair I found.  Steve Madden, on sale for $40.  On sale.  Meaning that people actually sometimes paid more than $40.  I still can't comprehend this.  I still have them somewhere, two years later, and they still are in good condition.  I could easily wear them tomorrow.  I just won't.
 
Reasons why I will not wear my perfectly good pair of Steve Madden shoes:

1. I would need to paint my toenails.  I am nail polish challenged as well.
2. I have extremely ugly toenails that polish cannot cover completely.
3. The shoes make this highly annoying slapping sound whenever I walk. 
4. Because there is not a strap to keep the shoes on, I have a tendency to walk out of them.  And then I fall down. 

I will admit to paying $30 apiece for two pairs of Converse High Tops.  But they were cute (and cover my toenails) and doesn't everyone need a pair of hot pink high top shoes? 

Oh, I have a brown purse and a black coat.  Don't you just want to send the fashion police after me?