Monday, July 03, 2006

Trailer Park Queen? What happened to my Queen of the Universe title?

So last Thursday, a man that Beth and I are now referring to as Grizzly Adams, started talking to me.

GA: You're the karaoke girl.
DM: I suppose I am.
GA: You sing good.
DM (in my head: I sing well, not good): Thanks.
GA: You sound like Steve Perry. I think it's Steve Perry. Is it?
DM: Uh, sure.

I hightail back to my table to the relative safety of James, Bryan and Beth. I tell them about this.

DM: Do I sing like Steve Perry? Because, if I do, I really need to change my singing style.
Bryan: It's because you get so dramatic with your singing, Dana. You have to stop with the (makes dramatic gestures that some singers make when they get caught up in the moment (clenching his fists, etc)) gestures.
DM: Oh, yes, because I am all about the gestures (make some gestures of my own, in a "I am seriously mocking Celine Dion here" sort of way).

We have fun mocking different singers (Celine Dion, Steve Perry, John Bon Jovi) who do this. Apparently there are some, when using a hanging microphone, will actually cradle the mike with their hands and sing into it tenderly. See, for me, that's just kind of weird. When I sing, I lean up against the wall and that's about it. If I'm really into the song, I will kind of groove ("Give Me One Reason" by Tracy Chapman is a good example) a little. I usually sing with my eyes closed (If you have not yet seen "About A Boy" you need to go watch it right now. It's hilarious and the whole singing with my eyes closed will have no meaning to you until you watch this movie. Go. Right now. Then come back and read the post again and laugh at the above sentence because it'll make sense to you).

Occasionally I would look up and see Grizzly Adams staring at me. With that "Hey, baby" look. It was odd.

DM: Why? Why is it that the only men that acknowledge me are either scary or old? Why?
Beth (turns to James after a brief pause): This is directed towards you. You are supposed to acknowledge her.
James: Huh?
B: Because you are not scary or old. Well, you're old but not old old.
J: Does not compute. Electronic brain cannot make sense of this. Bloop beep sizzle.

With that, he falls forward onto the table and we realize that he's actually an android, incapable of human feelings at all.

Oh, wait. That didn't actually happen. I can't remember what he said exactly but it was not "They are attracted to your charm and great beauty, O Wondrous Queen of the Universe. Let me rejoice in the fact that I am the only man you adore."

Sunday night, I feel a presence near me at the end of the night and turn to look at the person standing near me.

DM: Ahhhhh!

Okay, I didn't actually scream. But I came close. It is a little odd to turn around and be staring up into the face of a tall man with an unkempt gray beard (and when I say unkempt, I mean think Mountain Man (hence the nickname Grizzly Adams)) who hasn't had a beard trim in years.

GA: Have you ever heard of a band called Trailer Park Queen?
DM: No.
GA: They're really good. They're a local band.
DM: Okay.
GA: Their lead singer is a woman and she could be your twin.
DM: Okay.
GA: She's a really good singer. So are you. You could be twins.
DM: Uh-huh.

There must have been some sort of desperate look in my eyes because Liz jumps in.

L: I have heard of them. They are good.
GA: Yes. So is she (indicates me).

He leaves.

DM: Okay. Why? Why, why, why, why?
L: Well, it is a compliment. They are really good.
DM: Yeah, there is that.
L: If he didn't have the beard and looked like James, would you be interested?
DM: Oh, yeah, I'd jump all over that.

Now, I was being somewhat sarcastic there because my attraction to James, even though I think he is the most attractive man in the universe, is not based on looks at all. But I'm not sure if Liz realized that.

L: Well, I suppose you could ask him to shave the beard and if he does, maybe it could work. If he cuts off the beard for you, it's a start.

Anyway, I suppose I'm going to have to check the band out. Their website is here.

And she may be my twin but let's just remember who the Queen of the Universe is, okay?