I am running out of transcripts and I am bored so I am inflicting a meme on you. So there.

Hi. I stole this from Diana awhile ago. I just never got around to posting it. Nothing overly exciting has been happening lately so here you go.

Three Things Meme:

Three People Who Make Me Laugh (besides anyone who writes a blog that I read (oh, I guess that would be all of you!):

Beth – When I was laughing hysterically, bent over wheezing, we had the following conversation.

DM: Oh, my God, you’re going to kill me.
Beth: Yes, that’s my plan. I’m a paid assassin hired by Jeff (my (sob) former roommate)).
DM: You are the slowest assassin in the world.
Beth: Yeah, but you’re having a good time, right?

Keem – especially when she confronted by my less than logical personality. We have had many an argument over things like blueberries or hair accessories. She usually wins.

Last night, as she was flipping back and forth through the channels:

DM: No! Flip back! Back!
Keem: I am the flipper. You are the flippee. See?

She flips me off.

DM: That is not funny.
Keem: You laughed! Therefore it is funny!

James, Liz and Bryan (technically, yes, you could counter with “But that’s three people. You can’t use one entry to describe three people” and I would reply with “Did you see the above about Keem where I mentioned my less than logical personality?” And if you think you can say “Well, you said Keem usually wins” let me remind you that you are not Keem and cannot threaten me with the horror of taking the bus to work) – They are hilarious separately but if you put the three together, they are Superheroes of Laughter. Add Beth and I’m sure to snort.

Three Things I Can Do:

Make people laugh. This is, incidentally, one of my favorite things to do in the entire world.

Suspend disbelief and enjoy just about every movie ever made without questioning. Yes, I may say “Hmm, I’m pretty sure I know what’s going to happen next” or “Hmm, this quite possibly may be the dumbest movie ever” but I’ll still probably enjoy it. Especially if it makes me laugh. Or there’s a car chase. Or a sword fight that may or may not involve stairs. And someone with an accent (preferably British) who may or may not be sword fighting while making snarky quips while driving either a getaway car or a pursuing car.

I should probably mention that this viewpoint is not applied towards books. I get really ticked off if books are predictable, stupid or written badly. I’m not sure why that is.

Collect things. I have the following collections – A&W mugs, green glass, pandas, 5,000,000 books and now the newest one which is frogs. I used to collect smiley faces but that got old fast. That many yellow smiley faces staring at you gets really kind of creepy after awhile. I still have a few of them (actually, I may have all of them. They might be in a box and one of these days I will open the box (since Keem and I are moving, we decided “Hey, why don’t we go through some of these boxes now that we’ve been living here for four years?”) and then scream loudly because they will be staring at me. With that look. You know, that blank smiley look that says “Hi, Dana. We’re going to get you now.”), including the small stuffed one that has approximately 30 t-pins stuck into it. My former boss looked at it and said “Dana. You are insane.” And I said “You’re just figuring this out now?” I kind of like that one.

Three Things I Can't Do:

Stop reading. I have found myself reading cereal boxes or sugar packets if I am desperate enough (Mom wouldn’t let me read at the table. Which is just cruel). I have also learned to read upside down from this same time period, when Dad would read the paper and I would keep my sanity by reading the folded over section. This has awed many a stock owner when I start reading their statements (and etc) upside down.

Be logical. I understand the concept of logic but if it doesn’t correspond with what I want, I will dismiss it. I can sometimes reach the same information as a logical person (such as Beth and Keem) but my brain takes a much different loop. It’s kind of like balancing a checkbook. I know how to do it and can explain it to someone else; I just can’t do it for myself.

Stop snorting. Oh, it is so irritating but if I laugh hard enough, I start snorting. Many conversations with the people that make me laugh will end with “Stop making me snort, dang it!”

Three Things I'm Doing Right Now:

Training someone on how to work the counter. Trying to keep from strangling her because she is an IDIOT! My God, you’ve been working here as long as I have. It’s just like processing a phone transaction, only face to face. Sheesh. The nice thing is, while she’s helping the stock holder, I’m working on this in Word (since I’m not allowed to be online during calls because of annoying people who decided to ruin the internet access for everyone because they suck (and this is why I’m going to be very slow catching up on blog reading because I can only do this on lunches and breaks)).

Practically devouring a bag of quite possibly the best granola ever. It includes dried cherries, cranberries, raisins, almonds and pecans. Oh, and some rolled oats as well. Because apparently you need that for the granola part.

Trying to figure out if I want to do the following – get my hair cut (I want to say chopped but that would defeat the purpose of growing it out for the last year), talk to my doctor about some lap band operation that is less invasive than gastric bypass, apply for an operations manager position (tempting but I’m not sure I meet enough of the qualifications), update my resume (because even if I don’t apply, it would be smart), come up with something for Thursday Thirteen and stage a revolt that would end up with my being proclaimed Queen of the Universe officially (except that I don’t really have that many followers and I’m not sure I can pull it off. Maybe we should start small, say President? It could be a write in vote. Except I’m really not sure I want to be President. I mean, I know I’d do a better job than Bush but the whole point is there’s a big difference between being the Queen of the Universe and the President). Maybe I’ll just stick with this meme and the Thursday Thirteen.

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

Go to the United Kingdom. Convince Rowan Atkinson that it would be in his best interest to marry me and then introduce Beth and Keem to Hugh Grant and Colin Firth and we would all live happily ever after and travel lots and take many pictures and go to many movie premieres. Or not. After all, Rowan Atkinson is married and I’m not a big fan of the breaking of marriages. Maybe he has an equally zany and rich brother. Or knows Stanley Tucci well. That’s a thought. Or maybe just go to the United Kingdom.

Get my driver’s license. I did say I wanted it before I was 40 but that’s less than 6 months away and I don’t think it’s going to happen any time soon.

Buy a frame for the cross stitch thing I made for Diana and mail it to her.

Three Things I Hate The Most:

Tomatoes. They are evil. And Raspberries and Peaches are equally evil. I am also not fond of kiwis but they are not as bad as tomatoes, raspberries and peaches. Tomatoes & company are the spawn of Satan. Kiwis are a distant cousin of Satan and only really just see him at the family reunions.

Stupid people that distract from the enjoyment of karaoke. These are, but not limited to, the Black Hat Mafia’s entourage that like to get into fights with people, extremely drunken people who are even past the “Hee! Let’s laugh at them a lot!” stage, weird people who are creepy, karaoke divas and also the occasional racist (they don’t last long. Bryan has no qualms about kicking them out right away).

Fundamentalists. They give born again Christians a bad name. Just because I am born again does not make me a freak that thinks I’m better than everyone else because they are different. George W Bush is really high up on this list but I hate him for other reasons.

Three Things That Scare Me:

The thought of Jeb Bush becoming our next President. Actually, the thought of anyone with the name of Bush becoming our next President. I’m all for another Clinton, though.

Vampires. They’re out there. Lurking. Quite possibly in my freezer.

Clowns. They are creepy. No one could ever be that happy. Well, other than me on happy pills.

Three Things That Stress Me Terribly:

Money and my lack of it. Trying to calculate how I’m going to get out of debt anytime soon.

Math. I just don’t understand (well, this would be more complicated math. Not basic math like 1+1 = 2. That I know). This might be related to my previous stress item somehow.

Having to wait somewhere without a book. I get twitchy.

Three Things I Don't Understand:

Parents who allow their pre-teen girls to dress like tramps (aka Paris Hilton). I’m sorry, but your little girl doesn’t need to be wearing a shirt that says “Foxy” or “I love boys” or something stupid like that. And she certainly shouldn’t be wearing a mini-skirt. Or massive amounts of makeup. I’m not saying she should have to dress like a nun but please, that’s just wrong. Actually, I’m against all women dressing like tramps. There’s nothing wrong with a little cleavage but control yourself a little, okay? No one wants to see your thong. There’s a huge difference between classy sexy and “Hi! I’m a whore!” And no, I do not believe if a woman dresses like this, she deserves what she gets, okay? I’m just saying let’s show a little restraint. Allow for a sense of mystery.

People that get all snobby when you mention a television show or a certain author or a movie. I get that not everyone likes to watch TV. I get that not everyone is into Nora Roberts (or Sidney Sheldon or whomever). I even get that not everyone likes the same movies as I do. But c’mon. It’s one thing for Beth to say politely, when asked if she watches a certain television show, “You know, I really don’t watch a lot of TV.” But it’s another thing to give that “I’m so much better than you” look and say “Ha ha ha, silly mortal. I don’t even own a television.” Yeah. Bite me. Or “Oh, I don’t waste my time on books like that. I only read the classics.” You know what? Earnest Hemingway is considered a fantastic author and many of his books are referred to as “classics.” But I can’t stand reading anything written by him. It’s all a matter of taste.

Why all of my answers for this meme are 400 words long? Sheesh. Run on much, Dana?

Three Skills I'd Like To Learn:

How to pull my ideas for books out of my head and on to paper so I could finish a stupid book and then be rich and famous.

To be calm and collected, even when nervous. I have a tendency to babble.

To use my powers for good. It’s so rough being an evil genius.

Three Ways To Describe My Personality:

Dorky.

Goofy.

Adorable (you’ll notice that I left modest off of here, right?).


Three Things I Think You Should Listen To:

The musical stylings of Bryan McDonald. I realize that this will require a trip to Minnesota so you can come to the Chalet but I’m okay with that. It would be fun. Think of it as blogging material. And we could scrapbook!

The little voice in your head that tells you not to do bad things. I think it’s called your conscience.

Birds. I like birds. They chirp. You should go to a pet store and listen to them. It’s fun. And sometimes they will do tricks.

Three Things You Should Never Listen To:

The musical stylings of boy bands. I hate boy bands. Girl bands are kind of annoying as well. And no, the Beatles are not considered a boy band. This doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy the occasional karaoke rendition of “I Want It That Way” because usually the people singing are mocking the boy bands. And that, my friends, is a good thing.

The little voice in your head that tells you to do bad things. I’m not saying that I have a little voice in my head but there are some people who have come very close to getting pushed off a 50 story building (okay, no, I’m afraid of heights but my very favorite Gary Larson cartoon is the one with the guy who says to his friend something about do you ever have that thought about pushing someone and his friend looks a little scared and yes, I’m not very good at descriptions. I know this).

Crickets. They irritate me with their smug cricket sounds. Plus they will sometimes hide in boots and scare the crap out of people. That is wrong.


Three Favorite Foods:

Chocolate. But only milk chocolate. And only milk chocolate that has something in it, such as nuts or fruit. Or, even better, fruit and nuts. I loved the Chunky bar.

Bread. And butter. Or, even better, with garlic butter and cheese and maybe some green olives. Because bread by itself is kind of boring. The more exciting bread the better. Super Target actually has Portuguese artisan bread and that makes me happy because the bread is thick and crunchy but yet soft. Yum. It makes really excellent Supreeze Bread.

The baseball steak at Manny’s. Top sirloin, medium, with garlic butter over the top. Do you know how you can tell if a steak is really, really good? When you don’t need A1 or Heinz 57 sauce and can just close your eyes and savor the steaky goodness.

Three Beverages I Drink Regularly:

Water. Water is our friend. I have even got to the point where I have started to crave it. Which is disturbing.

Mountain Dew. It’s supposed to be just on Mondays and Fridays and whenever I am over at Beth’s but sometimes I will have it on a Wednesday. But only because I am really tired. Not because I crave the lovely ambrosia that it is. Really.

Diet Sobe Elixir. It’s not regular but only when I go to Quizno’s because they have it in the fountain and I will actually pass up Mountain Dew for this. It is a refreshing cranberry and grapefruit fruit beverage. The fact that I like the flavor of cranberry and grapefruit combined frightens me a little.

Three shows I watched as a kid:

Electric Company.

Superfriends. I was crazy about Aquaman. But despised those stupid Wonder Twins.

Batman. Adam West Batman. Sigh.

I also remember HR Puff N’ Stuff, The Bugaloos, Sigmund (?) and the Sea Monsters and Electra Woman and Dyna Girl.

Three People I'd Tag:

That blonde chick

The guy in the corner over there

That lady who cuts in front of me at the supermarket.

In other words, if you want to do it, do it. If not, hope you had fun reading. This has kept my sanity when not being able to go online.