Monday, October 09, 2006

Karaoke Revisited - Part 2

The first part of this is here. I am now covering karaoke from more recent evenings:

Unknown Sunday

Craig is singing.

DM: It’s “Arthur’s Song!” Yay, Arthur!

Then I applaud in a most dorkish manner. There may have been an interpretive dance. I’m not saying.

The same night, we were discussing the Tomato conspiracy that took place. Beth and I were discussing how I could avoid the tomatoes. Beth feels that I should request a sandwich that doesn’t have tomato in the name. I could order a turkey sandwich, request bacon and no tomatoes. I feel that, since all I want on the sandwich is bacon, mayo and lettuce, I would have to order a turkey sandwich, add bacon, no tomatoes, no turkey. I think they would mess it up even more.

Craig: Why don’t you tell them that you don’t want any bloody tomahtoes?

I am not sure why I found that so amusing now.

Also, Craig is singing again. Beth has walked away. It’s a slow night, the only other person there is Random Guy (whose name is also Matt but that is too many bloody Matts so we’re sticking with Random Guy). Not wanting to make eye contact with Random Guy, all my attention is focused on Craig.

Craig: La. La. La.

He thinks the song is over and goes to put the microphone away. Then he sees more words on the screen and realizes that he’s not done yet. He grabs for the microphone but it has become tangled up in the stand. He ends up having to lean over to sing the last few lines of the song. I start laughing, of course, because it looks ridiculous and he knows it.

Craig: You! You hush now!
B (returning): What?

I explain what happened. Craig is making shushing noises at me.

Craig: You just had to tell her, didn’t you?
DM: Yeah. I’m blogging it.
Craig: ARGH!

He may not have actually said ARGH. I exaggerate on occasion. Not that anyone would notice.

Random Guy wanted to know if he could sit with us. Beth and I quickly explained we had friends sitting with us. And we did. Off playing darts. And then, not long after, they abandoned us. And we were afraid that Random Guy would return and want to sit with us. He did end up sitting at the end of the table, next to Craig. And then he proceeded to occupy Craig’s time with every possible thing he could ever tell anyone. And I, of course, listened to some of it for the purpose of blogging.

Random Guy had recently cut his hair so he went from having a mullet to short hair.

RG: No. Dude. Seriously. Three of my female friends hit on me today.

I find this very hard to believe. First of all, while his haircut has upped his potential attractive points, he only moved from “horribly scary” to “frightfully scary.” He is not an attractive man. He’s rude, annoying and also Beth overheard him telling Stubes about how his girlfriend left him and that’s why she deserves getting beat up by her new boyfriend. Yeah. I so want to date this guy.

RG is singing “The Dance.” Badly. Beth and I are trying very hard not to laugh at him.

B: This is a sad song.
DM: Yes. Yes, it is. As I laugh hysterically.

After Random Guy finishes singing, Craig turns to him.

Craig: Nicely done.
DM: Are you on crack?

I am surprised I said this out loud and where RG could overhear me. I will rarely ever say anything negative about someone’s singing. Oh! We interrupt this post to bring you an update on Random Guy. He's not only annoying to us. Bryan decided to tell him that he wouldn't be able to sing karaoke anymore unless he purchased something. Seems the guy only drinks water. It's okay for me to just drink water though, because Beth drinks Coke and we tip extremely well. It's one of the reasons why we get the special mugs and I am allowed to ransack the garnish tray for olives. Anyway, Random Guy got ticked off by this and has not been back. Darn.

We return to our regularly scheduled post.

I am singing the song “Wonder.” I’m not sure why I thought this would be a good choice. While I love the song, it’s a bit high for me. There’s a section where all you sing is “Mmm.”

DM: That makes my lips tingle. And not in a good way.

Another night, maybe the same one? Doesn’t really matter. There is a girl who decides she’s going to sing Melissa Etheridge’s “Come To My Window.” Damn good song.

Beth grabs my notebook and writes down the following:

I would crawl inside just to hear you breathe. Hold the hand of death.

Apparently, breathe and death now rhyme
(It’s supposed to be “your breath”).

I add the following:

And also, apparently, we chose this song just so she could scream – not because she knows it AT all.

Sunday, October 2nd

Saturday, I went over to Beth’s to scrapbook and spent the entire time organizing my stickers. This is amazing for me. I am not an organized person at all. Of course, if I hadn’t organized the stickers, Beth would have killed me. I did leave them scattered all over her table.

She is going through pictures of her family and holds up one. It’s of a handsome man who looks like a 40’s movie idol.

DM: Ooh. Who’s that?
B: My grandfather.
DM: Wow. Your grandfather was hot.

She shows me a few other pictures of him.

DM: I was so born in the wrong time zone. I mean time. Argh! Era!
B: Yeah. Just think of how much better your life would have been if you were born in Mountain Standard Time.

Other random Bethisms:

B: There’s my Mom. With a cracker. No. That’s Jesus’ flesh.

B: I think I’m going to title this page “The day my Godmother decided to take me out to get pictures of me that make me look like a whore.”
DM: What?
B: She took me to Glamour Shots.
DM: Oh. Okay.

I grab for a piece of paper.

DM: What was that again?
B: I can't repeat it. It was fun and spontaneous and you have ruined it, man.

She shows me that iTunes is now letting people purchase movies. This is evil of them but, fortunately, none of the movies are ones that she just has to have. One of the movie titles intrigues us enough to watch the preview. It is called "Scorpius Gigantus" and it frightens us. Not because the movie appears to be scary at all but because it is quite possibly the dumbest idea for a movie. We decide to watch part of the preview. It is beyond cheesy.

We journeyed up to the Chalet and, while waiting for karaoke to get started, heard this on the juke box.

“Stop the senseless killing. Can’t you hear the roses cry? How many flowers have to die?”

I am confused and a little frightened but amused enough to Google the lyrics. Have I mentioned that this was definitely a country song? It's by some guy named Brad Paisley? Pailey? Something or another?

Long stem things of beauty
Created by the good Lord
Cut down in the prime of their lives
Boxed up, wrapped in paper
Delivered to your front door
Just to wind up in your garbage can outside

Tell me how many flowers have to die
Before you give this love another try
I've asked you to forgive me at least 9 dozen times
Tell me how many flowers have to die

I'm crazy and I'm desperate
I had you and I blew it
And right now I've got nothing left to lose
I've got a Visa in my wallet
And I'm not afraid to use it
How long the needless violence lasts
Is really up to you


Stop the senseless killing
Can't you hear the roses cry
Baby, how many flowers have to die
Tell me how many flowers have to die

I may have to analyze the lyrics of this song someday. Not today. This post is long enough.

Bryan enjoys bad movies and we were sure to tell him about Scorpius Gigantus.

DM: Yeah, we watched the preview. You have this scorpion that looks like it was made out of papier-mache scurrying around. Completely cheesy.
Bryan: Do you know how to defeat a papier-mache scorpion?
Beth: Fire.
Bryan: No. It takes a stick and a blindfold and someone has to spin around 3 times. Turns out papier-mache scorpions? Filled with candy.

Last night, Beth brought up a DVD for Bryan. Her dad found out that Bryan likes to watch bad movies and thought he might enjoy it. The DVD is filled with 4 horror "classics" and Beth read the synopsis of them to me in her Horror Movie Announcer voice (which she's quite good at, by the way. If she ever gives up her career at NABABNA, she could make a killing (pun intended)).

B: There's "Attack of the Giant Leeches," "She-Demons," "Bride of the Gorilla" and "The Sound of Terror."
DM: Can you really call them horror classics if I've never heard of a single one?

She shows the DVD to Bryan and his eyes light up while he is looking it over.

Bryan: Well, as a karaoke host, I am quite familliar with the sound of terror.

It was a good night. There were some new people there last night, two girls (Somorae and Treasure (and neither of these names are made up, apparently) and their friends. Somorae became a bit intoxicated and was very amusing, with the dancing and the excited clapping. There was also the start of a running joke involving Treasure and Bryan.

Treasure: I was born in 1985.
DM: Shut up. I graduated in '85.
Bryan: I lost my virginity in 1985 (pause). What's your mother's name?
Somorae: He boned your mom.

Treasure: You have a gap tooth.
Bryan: Yes, I do.
Treasure: I have one as well. Daddy!

Treasure: Daddy? Why didn't I get a present for my birthday this year?
Bryan: I named you Treasure. That's enough.

After the bar closed, Somorae was talking to us while her friends waited by the door. It was pretty funny watching them wait as she was telling us everything about her fiance Tim once being a rescue swimmer for the Coast Guard to her job for the government. She's very animated and I really enjoyed her antics last night. We hope they come back.

Also, I went to Josh's birthday party on Sunday. Once again, my sister has done her part to make sure I never want to have children. 1 child (if Josh), enjoyable and amusing. 2 children (Josh and other child), tolerable. 14 children (Josh and 13 of his friends/classmates), terrifying. It wasn't too bad until it was time to open the presents. I was supposed to document who each present came from. Fine. I can handle this.

Josh sits in the middle of the floor. Kari sits next to him to hand him the presents. Josh goes to open the first present. And then the swarm of children attack. Ripping at paper and shoving and screaming and making me cower in fear.

DM: Yeah, children, you're all freaking out Auntie Dana a little bit.

Josh is somewhat shy and I don't see him that often. It usually takes a little while for him to warm up to me. I found it amusing that, after the party was over and we were waiting for Daddy to show up with the car, Josh comes over to me and grabs my hand.

DM: Hi, Josh.
Josh: Come here.

He drags me over to a machine where you can make a souvenier quarter.

Josh: Money.

Yeah. He is so his mother's child. Suckered me out of a buck 25. And then I had to make one for myself so I can scrapbook it, of course.

Afterwards, there was the playing on the sidewalk while Daddy and Mommy loaded the car. Josh was walking up and down the bench and posing like a monster and also showing off his muscles. I might be slightly biased when I say that he is the most adorable child in the entire universe but I think that's okay.

Hope you all had a good weekend! I did but I am exhausted.