Oh, Ralph Macchio, where are you now? (see bottom of post for answer)

Josh's birthday party was this weekend.  My nephew is now 5.  Five.  How does this happen?  Yes, yes, I know that time stops for no man (unless, of course, you're Hiro) and children do grow up (unless they are Peter Pan and then want to really tick off Beth (she preferred the movie Hook)). 

Josh has grown up into a small child with an addiction to a thing that I can not accept.  Namely Star Wars.  Blech.  I do not understand this obsession for Star Wars* but I know where it came from.  His father.  That rat bastard sat my impressionable nephew down in front of a television and said "Hey, watch this."  And the child did.  And it was bad!  Does Josh know how great Captain Kirk is?  No.  Does he understand my obsession with Data and my wish to have my very own android boyfriend?  No (but then no one really does).  And yet, my sister objected to me introducing Josh to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Apparently Buffy's too violent for my gentle nephew (no problems with him playing with a light saber but let him even look at a piece of wood sharpened ever so slightly?  Sheesh (I asked Kari about this and apparently Josh has only seen two of the movies and some of the cartoons.  None of the violent ones.  So my chances of introducing Josh to Buffy have been thwarted once again)). 

*He did get a Star Wars Lego shirt that I thought was pretty cool (old school Star Wars with the beauteous Harrison Ford as Han Solo (Indiana Jones in space)).  His other obsession would be for Legos which I can get behind because there are Indiana Jones Legos and Batman Legos but no Star Trek Legos (which, by the way, is Eric's counter for my logically thought out argument that Star Wars is awful and Josh should be watching Star Trek.  Eric says (in the snottiest tone ever) "Are there Star Trek Legos?  No?  Sorry, you lose."**

*Okay, he may not actually have said that but the tone was awfully snotty.  Eric is the little brother I never wanted.***

***But I do adore him.  He is my favorite brother-in-law (mainly because I don't really know my half-sisters' husbands very well but I am pretty sure that Luther (Nancy's husband) would support my love of Star Trek (I actually don't have any clue but maybe I will check on that and then switch brother-in-law allegiance)) even though he is MEAN to me.

I had a point.  I'm not sure what it was.  Um, Josh, birthday party, Star Wars…oh, yeah.  Okay.  Anyway, the party took place at USA Karate.  Josh is into karate now.  I am cool with that (Might be good to know some defense when attacked by those vampires.  You know, since he hasn't been able to watch Buffy!) and have always enjoyed martial arts movies (Big Trouble in Little China!  And Blade comes to mind.  Martial arts, vampires.  How could you possible go wrong?  (According to Kari, no way in hell am I allowed to introduce Josh to Blade)).  His instructor, Mr. Ranch, is about 25, dedicated, good with children and quite attractive.  Reminds me somewhat of Ralph Macchio in his prime (Mmm, Italiany goodness.  Favorite Ralph Macchio movie?  My Cousin Vinny of course.  He's just so pretty when he's cruising along the road with his friend.  And the Karate Kid movies are pretty good as well).  There was another man there, Mr. Sullivan, who was also good with the children but his relative attractiveness increased the more he started working with the pole (I do not know how to phrase this in a way that doesn't sound dirty).  And then decreased when he sided with Eric about Star Wars.  Mr. Ranch's attractiveness increased far more when my response was "Well, does Star Wars have Data?  R2D2 is just a giant salt shaker" and he agreed with me. 

On our way back to the homestead, Kari and I were discussing how the party was enjoyable (with just a brief moment of fear when I was in charge of documenting who the gifts were from and the children descended upon Josh with the cries of "Open my present first, Josh" and gnashing of their teeth when he opened another present instead of theirs and then they would all descend upon him again and there was the flying of the wrapping paper and made me remark to the pregnant woman next to me that children were creepy (I will state in her favor that she did laugh)) and how Josh got some great presents (including Batman Legos from yours truly.  Because they are AWESOME) and how it was fun watching Mr. Ranch and Mr. Sullivan interact with the kids and was I too old to start karate because I was kind of jealous of Josh.  And then I mentioned Mr. Sullivan working with the pole (what is that thing called?  Surely it can't be the pole?) and how I enjoyed that, she agreed.  And then I signed and perhaps said a little too loudly "Karate is hot."

Josh:  What?!!? (in that incredulous, what did you say, tone that young children get)
DM:  Karate is fun to watch.  Yes, that's it.
Kari (laughing at my furious back pedal because sometimes I forget Josh is getting older and is starting to understand things.  You should have seen the dirty look I got when I said "Hey, Mom, how old was I when I stopped believing in Santa Claus?"  Luckily he was only 2 and didn't catch it.  Otherwise I would be dead now):  Hahaha!

Kari came over Saturday night and we watched Bulletproof Monk because we were both in the mood for an action movie and the selection for On Demand was a little slim.  Plus Kari didn't think she had seen it before.  I prefer the alternate version on the DVD which has Mr. Funktastic and his crew helping Kar and Jade but it's still a good movie.  Kari spent the night because she was too tired to drive home.  I am quite fond of my sister (such a change from when we were growing up.  I have mentioned her nickname was Brat before, right?) and like the "Girl's Nights" that we spend (typically she comes over to watch America's Next Top Model and Project Runway and Kim cooks.  Since tomorrow's the finale of Project Runway, we may need to start watching Stylista which seems to be a reality show version of The Devil Wears Prada.  Scary but filled with Drama (which is fun if it's not your life).  We will not be watching Paris Hilton search for her new BFF, that's for damn sure.  I can only handle so much Drama.

Ralph Macchio, by the way, is 47, still pretty cute and has a movie in post production.  Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead.  Which is, apparently, about vampires.  So we come full circle.