So lately I've been having some financial difficulties (also known as "Why on Earth am I allowed to have a checkbook?") and have been doing some major scrambling to be able to afford important things like hair dye and groceries and oh, rent. I am not going to tell you how I got into this trouble (not like the previous "Why on Earth am I allowed to have a checkbook?" remark is so cryptic that you'll never figure it out) because it is extremely embarrassing and stupid and sometimes I think that I really need to ask my doctor to up my dosage of Effexor because I do not think clearly in times of stress and make bad choices on how to solve problems. Except that I can't afford to go to the doctor or buy Effexor right now either.
Anyway, last night, as I sat in the bathroom of the Chinese restaurant crying* (My God, that sounds pathetic but I'll list the reasons why in a minute), I kept hearing a voice telling me to call your sister. Talk to your sister. I rejected this as an option, dashed the tears away and went and got delicious Mongolian barbecue (garlic is our friend). Why? Why would anyone sit in a bathroom crying, asking God for help and then reject the one thing that pops into their head as a result of a direct question? Because I am an idiot.
*Reasons why I broke down into tears:
- It is Monday. I hate Mondays.
- I had 3 hours of sleep because Sunday, the best day of the week, is karaoke day and I didn't get home until 3 AM.
- I had the worst headache ever and my entire body hurt and I felt like all my bones were rubbing up against my other bones and there is something extremely painful about that. I don't know how to describe it other than that.
- I hate overdraft fees with a passion. Unfortunately, I have no one else to blame for that but myself.
- I can't afford Effexor right now so I didn't take any pills for the last 4 days (I only have two left) and I just might be going through withdrawl (withdrawal? Why do I not know how to spell this?) and this is probably not a good idea. Effexor is important.
- Did I mention that I hate Mondays?
- Why, why, why, why do people call on Mondays and then bitch about the fact that our hold time is so long? Did it ever occur to them that a) it is Monday and 40 other people decided to call us as well, b) it is tax season, c) maybe if you'd read the stupid letter explaining why we rejected your transfer, you would know why we rejected your transfer, you moron, d) what part of RETAIN YOUR STATEMENT FOR TAX INFORMATION do you not understand?
- The whole financial fiasco (which is fun to say even though it completely sucks).
Anyway, I came home and saw there was a message flashing on the machine. It was from Kari (that would be my sister). I called her and ended up bursting into tears (yet again) and poured out everything about how I feel like a complete loser and I'm going to be 40 (well, I will be. Not for a little over a year but it's out there. Just waiting for me. You can insert the Jaws music here) and you'd think I'd be able to do just one thing right and why do overdraft fees come in packs of threes (seriously. Every time I overdraw my account, it's always 3 items. Can you say "Bye-bye 99 dollars?" I can) and what was I going to do and on and on and on.
Long story short, I feel much better. She's going to try and help me with part of my problem. It's going to require sitting down with her to come up with a budget (shudder) and spending will be curtailed (which is a good idea and something I've done for the most part) and I will probably need to learn to keep a ledger for my checkbook (does it amaze anyone else that I work for a bank and yet still do not know how to balance my checkbook?).
Anyway, tonight (yesterday technically but you know what I mean) I pulled up My Way and read this after telling Kari all:Pisces - Somewhere between late this afternoon and early this evening, you'll need to make a decision: whether to let a secret finally see the light of day, or keep it under wraps. Use that famous intuition of yours to make your decision -- and consider the future of all parties concerned. Don't feel guilty if your ultimate decision is to open up and let the truth be told. Every now and then, clearing the air is really the best tactic. For all parties concerned.
It's kind of nice to know that God* will resort to anything to get His point across - even to use my horoscope. And it's really nice to know that I have family and friends who are there to stop me when my thoughts that I'm just a complete loser take over everything that is positive in my life.
*I know that not everyone has the same beliefs about God that I do. I don't expect you to think the same way that I do. This is the difference between me and oh, I don't know, the majority of the really irritating Fundamentalists. But I do believe in God and I do believe He does work in mysterious ways and I do believe that He does talk to us. Not literally. I don't think that the skies are going to open up and I'm going to hear Him say "So, Dana. How about those Vikings?" Does that make sense? I'm not really insane. I promise.