I'm trying to come up with something to write about...

Hello, everybody (I cannot type that without thinking about the Simpsons. You can all chorus back with "Hi, Dr. Nick, okay?)!

So my life has been fairly uneventful since the Trifecta of WTF this weekend. I did go to the doctor on Tuesday and that was fun and exciting with all the new and exciting things that I get to do.

I did not lose one fricking pound. Not one. I gave up beef, people (well, for the most part). I am eating rice cakes! How can I not lose a pound? On the plus side, I didn't gain a pound either so that is good. However, I am choosing to blame the scale (the lovely nurse whose name I can not remember says she hates that scale as well so that's okay).

I must get an eye exam (yes, I know. I will. I promise. I'm thinking possibly red Buddy Holly glasses. What do you think? Any suggestions?).

I was offered the chance to get the blood sugar under control by using injectable insulin. Did I want to start that? If you think my response was a big HELL NO, you would be correct. I hate needles. The gluco stuff seems to be working and there is progress. My blood sugar level is slowly inching its way down (last night was 156. Can we all say wahoo! Yes, we can!) and the medicine isn't making me sick, which is good because I seem to be allergic to just about any other medicine there is.

I need to get a tetnaus shot (I just know that isn't spelled right. Tetenaus? Tetnes? What does spell check say? Oh. Tetanaus. I guess that makes sense).

I also need to get a flu shot. I've gone many years without a flu shot, thank you very much. But apparently it is very important that I get one. I looked at Deb and said to her "What is this fascination you have with jabbing me with needles?" She laughed.

But other than that, all is good. I am eating much better, I feel better, I took the advice on the finger poking and yesterday had a gusher (too much blood for me to even consider popping the finger into my mouth) so learned my lesson about doing the tricks on the fingers that work well. Won't do that again.

I had my monthly review today and you'll all be pleased to know that I am totally awesome. Even my ACW (after call work (I'm only listing this here because it will make Beth freak)) is good at an average of 55 seconds to 1:15 per call. My Quality is good, I do lots of projects, everyone loves me. We are going through some changes here because we recently received some major companies as clients so that could mean potential excellent jobs. Keeping my eyes open. Don't get me wrong, I love what I'm doing but I'm not really sure I can handle a 4th tax season.

Hope you're all well. I'll be making the rounds later, behind on my blog reading. Sorry! Much love!

Isn't there a curse about this?

I'm pretty sure there is an ancient Chinese curse that says "May you live in Interesting Times." Sheesh, I don't know who I ticked off lately but back off, already.


This was my weekend. In bullet points, because that just makes everything more exciting.

• Keem decides to leave me and head home to La Crosse for the weekend (it might be Lacrosse but I can never remember correctly). We had been talking about going to the Ren Fest but hey, no big. Maybe I'll call Beth and see if she wants to scrapbook Saturday night.


• Or not. Maybe instead I will break out in hives again. I think I might have grabbed a shirt that wasn't rewashed or maybe someone hates me. Fortunately I did take a Benadryl right away (bless you, makers of Benadryl) and the hives were stopped in their tracks. The itching wasn't but I didn't end up covered in big red and white blotches. I did learn an important fact. If you start bleeding, you are scratching too hard.


• I spent the evening eating a huge Caesar salad w/chicken breast from Quizno's (and yes, I do know that Caesar dressing is terribly fattening and not really good for you but I don't care. Their dressing is quite possibly the best dressing ever. It is peppercorn flavored crack. I would inhale it if, you know, it wasn't a liquid and would cause me to start choking) and playing Age of Empires III. When I wasn't watching the Burn Notice marathon on USA and wondering who is cuter, Michael who is played by some guy I don't know or Sam who is played by Bruce Campbell. Mmm, Bruce Campbell. Ahoy indeed (Old Spice commercial reference to those who think I may have gone insane). Oh and petting the cat and telling him that I'm sorry that Keem has abandoned him but Life will go on. He is not convinced.


• Saturday. Not so much itchy but feeling sick to my stomach, sniffly, coughing. Cancel the thought of going scrapbooking.


• You know what would be good at 8:45 PM? Parsnips! Parsnips sliced thinly and sauteed in a little butter. Yummy.


• Did I just hear a knock at the door?


• Yes, I did. Do I know this woman (as I peer out the peep hole)? I don't think I do but she just waved so maybe I do. I will open the door.


• Okay, don't know her. She is a low talker so I can't understand a single thing she is saying except "boyfriend" and "hiding." Is her boyfriend abusive? She needs a place to hide? I'm not sure I feel comfortable with this.


• Hey! Wait a second! I didn't invite you in. You can't just walk in! This is against all the rules! Well, you're not a vampire, at least.


• The next 15-20 minutes are spent figuring out that no, actually, she's not hiding from her boyfriend. She's hiding from the police! I am harboring a fugitive! Oh my GOD! Grab large knife to chop parsnips with. Stay in kitchen with hot saucepan and knife where I can beat the heck out of her if needed. She wanders around and talks about how she was a cheerleader at South Saint Paul High, her life took a downward spiral after her husband tried to kill her and suceeded in killing himself, her name is Gina, her boyfriend is 54 to her 32. She doesn't know how to sit properly in a chair and manages to fall out of it and knock it over. Eddy doesn't like her and takes off. She makes a few phone calls and then cries a lot after she talks to her mom.


• Okay, enough is enough. Get out. I tell her I am expecting someone to come over and need to start getting ready. You have to leave.


• She's gone. Parsnips are done. Eat parsnips.


• Don't call cops or building security because, hello, that would make sense.


• Go back and play Age of Empires. Die, you British scum! Die! You can't make me tell you where the Fountain of Youth is!


• Sunday. Eat more parsnips. Talk to Kari. Talk to Keem. Talk to my Mom. All are stunned that I didn't report crazy lady. Get lectured. Keem is on her way home. Yay!


• Keem is home. Lecture, lecture, lecture. Lecture. Lecture, lecture, lecture. Don't let strange people into the house, Dana. Got it.


• Don't feel good. Really don't feel good. What's wrong? Dizzy. Headachy. Nauseated. I'd check to see what my blood sugar level is but guess what? I forgot my monitor at work. I am an idiot.
• Call Beth. Can't go out. Really don't feel good. Is it a cold? I don't know.
• Eat something (turkey burgers with carrots). Feel somewhat better but still achey, sneezy, etc. Keem tells me I am probably getting sick combined with possible low blood sugar and hey, if I start feeling like this again, maybe I should eat something. Yes, ma'am.
• Go to bed. Sleep.

That was my weekend. Odd. Weird. Somewhat frightening at one point. Hope yours was less eventful OR was eventful in a good way.

And I called the apartment office and reported Crazy Lady. Apparently she has a habit of this. She doesn't live in the building but her boyfriend does. He's being evicted for reasons just like this, as Marcia put it "His life has taken a chemical turn." Hmm, can you say drugs? I can! And Marcia was on her way to go to court to get him out because he's fighting the eviction. AND! Get this. He lives on the 24th floor! What was she doing on my floor? Weirdness!

I've decided on a new category to explain stuff like this. Risky Business, one of the only movies I liked Tom Cruise in, has one of my favorite quotes. Miles, the guy who also played Booger in the Revenge of the Nerds movies, is freaking out just a tad about their adventure. Miles is also the guy who advises Tom Cruise's character that sometimes you just have to say What the F*ck. So this quote really sums up some of the things that happen to me. "I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp."

Whine, whine, whine

An open letter to my body:

Dear body,

I have the strips to monitor my glucose level now. This is good. What is not good is that you decide to release a very miserly amount of blood, not enough to fill up the strip and then I have to use a new one. Fortunately I have 100 strips and unlimited refills until next year. However, this is no excuse. I don't like needles. It takes awhile to get up the nerve to jab myself. Please start cooperating.

And what is up with the gigantic cold sore? Or should I say 3 cold sores? All clustered in the same area? All red and puffy and glaringly obvious? Let's quote Mitch Hedberg here. "When I get a cold sore, I put Carmex on it, because Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores. I don't know if it does help, but it will make them more shiny and noticeable. It's like cold-sore-highlighter. Maybe they could come up with an arrow that heals cold sores."

I would also like to be more alert during the day. I'm not a big fan of coffee so if you could cooperate here, that would be great.

I do appreciate your decision to actually like the following healthy items - rice cakes, low-carb tortilla wraps (so good I may never eat bread again), ground turkey, fat free chocolate milk and etc. Now if we could work up a way to burn calories while blogging, that would be great. Get on that for me, okay?

Thanks for your time,

Dana

Monitorings are good - 208, 205, 177, 198 this morning. Sticking to the diet (wait! Don't use that word. You know how the body reacts to that word. It's a lifestyle change! Change! Not diet! Look body, here's something shiny!) for the most part. A slip or two but nothing major. Things are good. Well, except for this cold sore. And I have to do laundry tonight. Laundry sucks.

How are you all?

Thief! Thief! AKA as I stole a meme

Brought to you from the lovely and talented Miss Melissa who is my favorite word nerd ever (but still hasn't emailed me so I can give her the bookmarks I lovingly crafted for her. Sob!).

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)

Sassy. Or Susie Boy. Notice the lack of a last name. Non-existent El Caminos don't count.


2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)

Light Mint Chip Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip. Somehow I find it hard to believe anyone would be feel threatened by that.

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)

D-Vit. Yeah. That's exciting.

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)

Pink Kitty. Yay! Missy and I have the same name. But when we open up the detective agency, I figure we'll avoid confusion if I'm known as Hot Pink Cat.

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Marie Saint Paul - she just sounds so haughty, doesn't she? And rich. Rich is good.

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)

I should refuse to do this due to my hatred for Star Wars but maybe we'll pretend this is my Star Trek name.

Vitda. From the planet of Voluptuous Vixens (hey, I can dream).

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)

The Orange/Purple Water. Yes, not only am I confused and fluctuate between favorite colors, what is my super power? Getting the Super Villain's clothes really, really clean?

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)

Ralph Frederick. Oh, yeah. That just spells classy.

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)

Incognito Skor (they don't make Incognito anymore so I don't know if this counts but it is still my favorite). Haiku Skor (if we're going to be technical and demand my now favorite).

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )

Ann Earle. Yeah, you know what? I'll face the mob. That just sounds boring.

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)

I don't remember my 5th grade teacher's name. I'm old, people! How about my favorite high school teacher's name? Lambert Lisbon (yes, I could go with Los Angeles but that just sounds dumb. Like Lambert Lisbon sounds so much better).

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)

Spring Daisy. Missy's is Summer Daisy. Obviously we would work for the same organization.

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + "ie" or "y")

Boysenberry Skirtie. Well, okay, I don't actually eat Boysenberries but I like the jelly. So I suppose it would be Pineapple Skirtie. Because that sounds normal.

14. HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)

Cheese Willow. I think Missy might be my long-lost younger sister. Because her favorite tree is also the Willow. Although she gets the cool name Java Willow. I'm stuck with Cheese. Guess I won't be a hippie anytime soon.

15. YOUR ROCK STAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)

The Playing Computer Roleplaying Games Obsessively Lightning Tour. Yeah, I'm such a dork. Why I chose this over Scrapbooking or Reading, I don't know.

By the way, we're not going to discuss supper last night. It is possible I may have cheated a small bit. But! Instead of ordering 3 tacos and 2 steak taquitos and cheesy fiesta potatoes and a large Baja Blast, instead I only got 2 Cheesy Beefy Melts and a small Baja Blast. So it was a much better choice and I didn't feel like I was going to throw up from eating too much later.

Breakfast was Cheese and Table Water Crackers. No lunch. Not hungry because of the big breakfast. Or not in the mood for soup. One of the two. Still no strips. Getting them tonight.

See you!

Wearing with pride

Beth came home yesterday after her trip with her mom (11 states in 8 days. Amazing) and we went to Perkins for a short time. She told me lots of stories and showed me some pictures. Really looking forward to seeing the rest of them. We also met up with Liz and James at Ol' Mexico last night.

Anyway, they were both thinking of me when they were at the Clinton Presidential Library and her mom, Laurie, bought me a polo shirt. It is a deep purple with the gold presidential seal and the number 42 over it. Other than being the meaning of life, 42 also refers to Bill Clinton being the 42nd president. I'm wearing it today and remembering when he was president and how much better everything was. I miss him. I wish he was still president. I remember when America was actually liked by other countries. He was just such a cool guy, still is, of course, but it was nice to be proud of your president. Unlike now.

Tomorrow I might wear my t-shirt Beth got me from Beale Street and then I will think about BBQ and how I would really like to have some brisket right now. Unless, of course, I've been arrested for saying something negative about George W. I saw a pretty cool bumper sticker today. It was a picture of a cell phone and underneath it, it said "One Nation Under Surveillance." I couldn't catch what the cell phone had in the text area but still, I was pretty psyched by it. It is almost as good as the other cell phone bumper sticker I saw about two or three weeks ago which said "Shh! Bush is listening! Use big words."

Sorry, didn't mean to turn this into politics.

No glucose level monitorings. My doctor forgot to fax the prescription for the test strips and they are incredibly expensive so I'd really like my insurance to pay for them. They should be available either tonight or tomorrow. You'll be happy to know that I'm still eating carefully and avoiding a lot of heavy starches. If I do eat a starch, I balance with protein. Lots of vegetables, not much butter (and I looooove butter so this is big for me), barely any bread (also big fan of bread so another sacrifice but hey, it is worth it).

I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach right now but I think it might be because I ate a Hershey's Kiss that was candy corn flavored. Note to self: You don't like candy corn. Why on Earth would you think "Hey! This is candy corn flavored. I should try it." No, you shouldn't. Candy corn is bad.

Plus, didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Really weird dream where Beth and Keem and I were adopted by this guy and his evil (possibly twin) brother was trying to take over and get us kicked out of the mansion and then I got frost-bite because our gay brother ditched me to hook up with this really hot guy who called me a fag hag and that was irritating (I do not like that word. And why can't you just say "Hey, this is my straight female friend." It's just insulting to both parties) but hey, hot, so more power to him. And, really, it was probably my fault for running through the snow barefoot. So Keem was lecturing me while she was rubbing snow on my foot. I think you're supposed to do that for frost-bite. Because otherwise, that just strikes me as weird and a little mean. And there was a Santa Claus with a Boston accent that was a doll and our younger brother would talk to the doll and tell us what he said and would do the accent. I kind of remember the rest but it is even weirder than this so I'm going to leave it alone before you all have me locked up.

I am now going to let you know how bad I am with Geography. Last night we were counting the amount of states we've been to (James has been to 49. Bastard. Everyone but Hawaii) and I was having some difficulty.

DM: Have we established where Michigan is yet?
Beth (after long silent pause): We know where Michigan is, Dana.
DM: Well, I know it's that way (pointed to my right) but do you go to Michigan to get to Chicago?
Beth: No.
DM: Okay, haven't been there. Is there anything between the Dakotas and Wyoming?
Beth: Oh, good Lord.

Yeah. I'm not proud. Amused but not proud. Hope you all had a good weekend. I also told James he was the most irritating man I ever had the displeasure to meet. He laughed. I'm not sure why he irritated me. It might have had something to do with movies.

Johnny, sorry I missed your call. I was in and out all weekend.

Just one of the reasons why I love working here

Hello - DM's blog has been hijacked. Actually, this is Beth helping out. I am removing a portion of DM's post (below is her writing) because it might cost a job or something. I am helping DM. Have fun! Be good! Encourage her to be good about watching her food. It dances.

CHICKEN!

****

Thursday, September 13th
Dinner - 2 brats (no buns), carrots and onions lightly sauteed in butter (freaking awesome). I did not have the extra brat or any ice cream, although I really, really wanted some. I resisted the urge and it didn't kill me.
Glucose monitoring - 177 (which is awesome except I forgot to do the reading at 2 hours after eating and instead checked at 10 PM so it doesn't really count)

Friday, September 14th
Breakfast - 2 brats (no buns), cheese slices on table water crackers, two yogurts. For some reason I was extra hungry this morning so I just ate my lunch and breakfast together. I might regret this at lunch time but I guess we'll see.
No monitoring - ran out of test strips.

Nothing really new, unless you count the hail storm

Keem and I went to my doctor's office this morning for a class on dealing with Diabetes. It was interesting. Most of the stuff we talked about I already knew from Weight Watchers and it just convinced Keem and I that we either need to go back or start following the program on our own. The woman running the class, Janet, said that Weight Watchers is the only program she will recommend because it is based on the American Diabetes something something.

Got caught in a hail storm on the way back. Don't think there was any damage to the car. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

Anyway, hope you're all well. Have a great day.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Dinner - Lettuce, dressing, smattering of cheese and bacon, chicken, sausage
Snack - No snack! Yay! I was full!
Glucose levels - Evening 223 (serious drop! Yay)

Thursday, September 13, 2007
Breakfast - Yogurt (strawberry, blueberry)
Lunch 2 pieces of pizza (very small, just tiny squares), Weight Watchers Swedish meatballs (which were horrible, the meatballs were weird tasting and the noodles were mushy. Won't be buying that again. Lean Cusine's is so much better).
Glucose levels - Morning 236. WTF? Oh, wait, I took this after I already ate some of my yogurt. That makes sense.

Seriously, guys, I'm okay

Hi. Do not laugh but do you know what I'm doing between calls? Searching the Eating Well cookbook to find fun and exciting recipes for me! Because I'm diabetic! Yay! Okay, I know that sounds weird, really I do, but you will not believe how this has galvanized me into action. I had salad last night. And I liked it (although I do really like salad but normally we buy the bagged stuff and then it just sits there. This time we actually bought two different heads of lettuce (romaine and something else but it is a spring green and I love it. Endive? Possibly). Plus Keem made chicken breast to go over it. And tonight we will have salad again. Yay! Salad is good! Plus, instead of eating the entire pint of Haagen Daz's incredibly wonderful Light Mint Chocolate Chip as I am normally wont to do, I only had a 1/4. Save some for later, Dana! You're not going to get this every night as you have done in the past!

I am also aware of the whole carbohydrates = sugar = high blood sugar = BAD! So Keem and I working on cutting out a lot of carbs but not all of them because everyone has to eat carbs. I just can't have as many as I've ate in the past.

Anyway, have to keep track of what I eat and my monitor readings so guess what - you get to see them as well...

September 11, 2007
Brunch (fasting for doctor's appointment) - 3 brats, 1 1/2 buns, onions, mustard
Snack - 10 Juju coins, 1 mini Reese Peanut Butter cup (Elvis style - not bad, actually, considering that there is banana flavoring)
Dinner - Big salad, green onions, smattering of bacon and cheese, Light Done Right 3 Cheese Ranch (best ranch dressing ever), chicken breast
Snack - 1/4 pint of Haagen Daz Light Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream (you would never know that it has half the calories of regular ice cream. It is so good. I'm so used to diet/low fat/low calorie stuff tasting terrible but this is even better than the full-fat version)
Monitorings of glucose level - Morning 225. Evening 286.

September 12, 2007
Breakfast - 2 servings of Dannon Activa yogurt (1 strawberry, 1 blueberry)
Snack - 1 green apple, 1 dollop of caramel (small dollop. The container of caramel is a snack size, very hard to figure out sizes on Simon Delivers unless you know your ounces. I'm learning. I suppose the fact that it was 99 cents should have been a clue)
Lunch - Weight Watcher's Smart One: Creamy Rigatoni with Broccoli & Chicken
Monitorings of glucose level - Morning 258

I'm also on some new medication called glucosogage or something. Hopefully it will help.

Oh, and if you're not reading Geese Aplenty, you should be. He doesn't post often but when he does, oh my Lord, do I start laughing. Here is an example from today's post about giving blood:

Medical assistant who conducted my pre-interview: “Now, be sure to call this number if you get sick over the week and you want to warn us about a potential problem with your donation. For example, let us know if you come down with small pox, malaria, or republicanism.”

The co-workers think I'm insane again.

Well, it's official

I am diabetic. But you know what? I am choosing to think of this as a positive thing. Yes, clearly I have lost my mind but I have never taken my weight gain seriously. I have always thought "You know what? If people don't like me for who I am, they can just bite me (and c'mon, with all the butter and sugar I've eaten over the years, you know I'll be delicious!)." I did not take into consideration what I've been doing to my body. Let's think about this. I have asthma. I have sleep apnea. I have arthritis. I have a heel spur. I have diabetes. I am sure there are more things but let's face it, something has to be done. I know I've said this before but now I have to do something. So you all have permission to whack me on the back of my head if I don't start behaving.

But hey! I lost 5 pounds in the last week. So that's something, right?

You will be pleased to know that I am drinking diet Coke right now. Instead of the yummy Sierra Mist I so adore.

Thursday I get to go to a class on managing Diabetes. Keem is going with me. We placed an order with Simon's Delivers last night and there is lots of vegetables and very little bread/ice cream/fun stuff. Considering how much we hate to grocery shop and always get distracted in the ice cream aisle (okay, that would be me), this will be a good thing as well.

And the thing that I thought would be the worst about this, the whole finger pricking to get blood for the monitor? Yeah, barely hurts at all. I can do this. I will triumph over the evil Sugar! Yummy, delicious sugar...no, no! Bad sugar! Bad

How much else could be wrong with me?

I'm sorry but this is going to be somewhat of a whiny post but I'm really kind of irritated with my body right now.



Friday - broke out into hives again. Realized it was from my evil posture bra which had been rewashed BUT has this weird material that possibly trapped the evil detergent inside and when I wore the bra because I was too lazy Friday morning to Febreeze my other one (it gets smoky at the Chalet), I ended up breaking out in horrific hives. They were gigantic. Keem, in a joking matter, pointed out a brick wall to me and told me I could itch there. Then she made me stop because my back was bleeding in some places. Grr.


Monday - played work voicemail. Why is Deb calling me at work (Deb is my doctor)? I had a physical on Wednesday. They drew 5 tubes of blood. Five. I have small veins that have a tendency to roll. Does the tech listen to me when I tell her the best place to draw the blood is from the side of my elbow? No. Instead I am poked about 500 times while she looks dumbfounded and says "Wow. They really do roll, don't they?" No. I was lying. Guess where they finally ended up getting the blood from? Yeah. The outside of my elbow.

Anyway, apparently my blood sugar was very high. So tomorrow I have to go back to the doctor, after fasting, and get more blood drawn. Oh my God, can you handle the excitement? I sure can't.

It's only 11:23 or so and I already want to go home. I was talking to my boss this morning and said the following to her:

DM: And I think I'm going to be come a nun.
Cheryl: Why a nun?
DM: Well, it won't stop my body from falling apart but at least I don't have to worry about being single on top of this.

Did I mention that we also discovered I have arthritis in my left knee? It's not horrible but it's there. Lurking. Fortunately I did get the arch supports and my knees have been bothering me less since then. But still, I'm very annoyed and want to go back to bed.

Done whining. Carry on.

If there is a better breakfast than cold cheesy hashbrowns, I don't know what it is

Hi. I am alive. After my last post about the "manageable" hives, they all laughed hysterically and came back. By 12:30 I was in a cab on my way home. At about 3:30, the hives said "Hey, we've not done anything to really inconvenience her yet. Let's attack." That's when my lips started swelling. But only the left side. The right side was normal. At 6:30, I was at Urgent Care, waiting for my doctor.

A prescription of Predis something or another later (steroid. I don't now how to spell it. Predisone?) and a stop at Target where I apparently, in a pain-induced trance, managed to spend over 60 bucks on books (40 dollars on the nephew and Kari) and a $2 prescription, I spent the weekend itching. A lot. And redoing my laundry. No trip to LaCrosse for me. I also missed out on the party James threw Sunday but, quite frankly, I was not ready to be seen in public.

That's pretty much it. I am only itchy in some places but I'm back at work and alive so what more can you ask for, right?

Below is the post I started about Beth and my trip to Wisconsin. Enjoy.



Do Not Get Eaten By a Bear

Beth picked me up at work and we were on our way to Wisconsin (several Fridays ago). I was wearing my “Road Trip USA” shirt which I love (except for hating the collar. When will I learn that I should only wear v-neck and cowl-neck collars? Anything close to the neck feels like it is choking me) as I had promised her. The journey to Waupun was enjoyable. There was a lot of giggling, and, as normal for us, strange conversations. For your enjoyment (and my blogging pleasure) I list them as follows:

DM (after something hit me in the head (possibly a spark from my cigarette)): Ow! Are there pygmies with darts?
B: Possibly. In Wisconsin, unlikely.

I started digging through my purse to find my notebook and pen. Unfortunately, I was unable to find my pen. Beth pulled hers out with a flourish and made a Ninja noise.

One of us: It’s a Ninja pen!
***
DM: Snort, snort, snort. Hee, hee, hee!

I was amused by this very tiny little Cat machine. I don’t know what they do but I want one.
***
DM: This is the best road trip ever! There are cows & buffalos & horsies!

A flock of birds fly over us.

B: And birds.
DM: Yay!

I clap in enthusiasm.

B: You clapped.
DM: Yay!

I clap again.

DM: I just clapped for my claps.
***
Beth (to someone who is driving incredibly wrong in front of her): Why are you braking? Why?

We pass the car.

B: Oh. Because you’re old. Now I get it.

A few moments later, the old people decide to pass us.

B: Now the old people are passing me. You’re going to pass all the people who passed you. Ooooooh (makes scary hand motion as if she is a ghost).
DM (snorts): Stop it! I can’t write that fast!

A few moments later.

B: I passed the old people! Blllllhhhh! Raspberries to you!
***
We pass road work signs that have boards across them where there would normally be words explaining that there is road work.

B: There’s no road work. It bothers me that those aren’t absolutely symmetrical (the boards). If you’re going to do something, do it right! That’s what’s wrong with our infrastructure!
DM: Don’t look at my bookmarks (I have issues when it comes to cutting in a straight line. I’m working on it. But dang it, they are charmingly askew! Just like me). You would think they would just take the signs down.
***
Johnny Lang is playing. The song is either “School Girl” or “Hey, there, little School Girl” or something else. But it is hot.

B: If you’re bad in bed and you dress like a school girl, do they send you out into the hall? Do you have to go to the principal’s office?
DM: Wait! Wait!
***

DM: I want to play with the fire.
Laurie (Beth’s Mom): Okay.
B: After the food. You should eat before you get 3rd degree burns.
L: But we have aloe.

She gestures to the aloe plant sitting on the picnic table. I reach for my notebook.

B: Now she’s not going to let us talk until she writes this down.
***