Joss Whedon is my master now

As mentioned earlier, Keem and I went to see Serenity. Might I just say that this was a complete and total kick ass movie? And that I adored it? And that I want to see it again? Many, many times.

I am so mad at myself, though. I had an opportunity to win the complete set of Serenity comics - offered to anyone who could sing a song from the musical episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Once More With Feeling. I own this soundtrack. I listen to several of the songs often (Mmm, Spike). So when the guy says sing a song, I stand up, confident that I can win. And then my brain freezes and some other person starts singing "Going Through the Motions." Dammit!

Anyway, we got there early and talked to James for a little bit and then he told me to stand in line with the rest of the nerds. Like he should talk. After standing in line forever (about 30-45 minutes and I really shouldn't complain, some people were there at 2:30), we finally get into the theater and then James did something that will endear him to me forever - he got us keychains. I love keychains. I have many of them. My one key is attached to 8 keychains (3 keychains advertising NABABNA, 1 advertising Beth's Dad's work (it is a poker chip. Very cute), 1 silver heart with pink jewels forming the breast cancer pink ribbon, 1 Rainbow U promise card, 1 SA Speedy Rewards card and my newest keychain) and it is slightly overwhelmed but hey, I can't help it. Keychains are a weakness.

I don't care if you never saw the series Firefly. If you ever watched Buffy or Angel, you will know that Joss Whedon is brilliant and wonderful and I love him with a fiery passion (well, like with a fiery passion, I guess, since I really don't know him). If you haven't watched Buffy or Angel, it doesn't matter, you still might enjoy this movie. It is like the Wild West meeting Space and it made my laugh and cry and clap my hands.

There is nothing like watching a movie with a bunch of other Whedon fans. There were people wearing t-shirts emblazoned with the title of my post. There were people singing songs from the Firefly series while we were waiting for the movie to start. It was a great experience.

I just spent the last two days reading the Firefly transcripts and it just made me fall in love with the movie even more. I went to the website cantstopthesignal.com and read about how people fought for this movie for the longest time and how if it hadn't been for the fans, this movie might never have been made.

I want to see this movie again. I want to see it every day. I want the DVD to be out now. I want to own the Firefly Series on DVD. I want the comic books. I want Joss Whedon to write a ton more series and movies and...and...well, be my friend because he's so damn cool.

Okay. James is right. I am a nerd. I figured it out when I asked my boss if he wanted to see the best keychain ever (Note to self: stop telling boss to "Bite me." That does not present a professional image). And my co-worker Matt? Yeah, I told him I went to see the movie and his first question was "Is The Rock in it? (He mocks my adoration of The Rock)" And I said "No, but I saw the preview for his newest movie (Doom and it looks gory and scary and I'm going to have to see it anyway because hello! It's The Rock and he is shiny).

I'm done now. Go see the movie. It opens today. It would make me happy.

This is so wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

But pretty gosh darn funny.

It is a week for Jesus.

First there was Pirate Jesus. Helping me to win Pirate Porn.

Then there was the Jesus billboard. This is a post that flea did about a post she read and it has resulted in much laughter.

Then there was Touchdown Jesus (found in the comments of flea's post).

And now here is a very interesting website, also found in the comments of flea's post. Jesus of the week.com featuring BALLOON! Jesus.

I am so going to hell. There is no doubt now. Jesus, why do you let people do this to your image? Why? You know we're going to laugh. We're weak. Well, at least I am.

It's the best birthday ever!

Today is Keem's birthday. Everyone, please wish Keem a happy birthday. Perhaps that will encourage her to start blogging again. Probably not, because she is evil and stubborn, but it is worth a shot.

For those of you not in the know, Keem is my roommate and one of the best friends ever. She is very cool and I adore her. I am at work on my categories and one of them is about Keem. And there will be fun stuff that you can go and read. And then you will say "Keem! Why do you not blog? You are so cool!" To give you an idea of how absolutely hilarious she is, I will provide you with an informal post that she wrote about me. Apparently, while I think I am the most charming person in the world and everything I say is gold, sometimes I can get a little annoying. Or so she says. I don't understand how that is possible at all.

This is what Keem wrote (my words are in italics):

It's now time for the post called "Bye bye $99."

The lost tales of Dana and her checkbook. Lost as in "I have no idea where the $99 went." Hee hee.

Perhaps this should be a daily journal of the trials and tribulations of balancing a checkbook. However, one must actually keep an active ledger for this to work.

Dana's daily affirmations.

1. I will keep a ledger and balance my account today (Balance schmalance).
2. I am aware that they are testing the fire alarms in my apartment so I will not be alarmed (Argh!!!!!!!).
3. I may be sick, however I am not dying. The prognosis is excellent (I don't deal with illness well. My favorite thing to say to Keem is "Keem. I am sick. I think I am dying).
4. I will not bug Keem by constantly speaking of a certain name not to be mentioned here (In other words, that would be Gil. As in "Keem? I like Gil." Another one of my favorite things to say to her. She refers to Gil as the evil name).

She didn't mention it but I'm sure she would also indicate that I no longer be able to hug trees. You know I still will though. It is fun.

Today we walked out of the building into the parking ramp and I saw the most beautiful car ever. It was a black and silver El Camino.

This is Keem's and my conversation:

DM: Keem! Keem! Look! It is an El Camino!
K: Yes, Dana. I see the El Camino.
DM: It is a birthday present for you!
K: Yes. That’s right. Ooh. What a present (She may have been sarcastic. I’m not sure).
DM: Can I go pet it?
K: No! Cars are not for petting.
DM: Fine (Sulking. For all of two seconds). There was an El Camino sighting and we are going to see Serenity tonight! It is the best birthday ever!
K: You are such a dork.

Anyway, Keem and I are going to the premiere of Serenity tonight at the theater that James manages. It will be very fun AND exciting.

I am now going to email this to Keem so that she may call me a dork yet again. I know how much she enjoys that. I am such a good friend.

Stumbling Through The Dark

Found through frog - it is a Fall meme that jo(e) created.

Favorite Fall dessert: Apple pie with Cinnamon ice cream

Holiday: Halloween

Best Fall memory: Going to karaoke as the Queen of the Universe last Halloween

Worst Fall memory: The day after the Halloween blizzard of 19 something or another, getting stuck in 3 snow drifts on the way to work & having to dig out the car with a flimsy shovel & wearing loafers & my feet were freezing by the end of the drive.

Most puzzling Fall memory: Why anyone would want to ruin Halloween by putting razor blades in apples or poison in candy? Not that this ever happened to me but I remember Mom & Dad having to go through our treat bags. And why did the “suspect” candy always end up being Dad’s favorite?

Best thing about Fall walks: The crunch of fallen leaves underneath your feet.

Favorite Fall chore: Raking (for being able to jump in leaf piles)

Least favorite Fall chore: Raking (blisters are not our friends)

Best change in the home: Decorating

Favorite flower: Daffodils (it didn’t specifically say Fall flower)

Best tree in the Fall: Huge oak trees that turn orange and red and yellow.

Fall ritual: The determination of the best costume for Halloween (well, best meaning what I think of two days before the day in question).

Most frustrating thing about Fall: The realization that Christmas is fast approaching. I like Christmas, don’t get me wrong. I do not like Christmas shopping.

Favorite childhood game: Creating plays and making the neighborhood kids put them on with me.

Favorite childhood memory: Riding my bike down the hill, no hands.

Favorite decorations: Um, I’m not so good at the whole decoration thing. I always mean to buy little gourds and put them out but I never do. We live in an apartment building so there’s no point in carving pumpkins.

Favorite clothing: Tank tops, capris. I’m sad I’m not going to be able to wear them much longer. I like t-shirts and jeans mainly but occasionally I do like to dress up. I love to wear skirts in the Fall. No idea why.

Best scenery: I would have to say that Duluth is gorgeous in the Fall. One of our road trips was up there to take pictures to scrapbook. I am also going to enjoy taking pictures at some of the places that Keem and I went to this summer.

Best Fall travel tip: If you’re going to go to Duluth and stand by Lake Superior, a t-shirt and jeans are not warm enough!

Favorite drink: Hot chocolate with mini marshmallows or with butterscotch schnapps (yum).

Best method of transportation: I particularly like driving my non-existant El Camino in my mind.

Traditional Fall candy: I don’t have a particular favorite Fall candy unless you take into consideration that I hate candy corn.

Favorite sound: Eddy purring, Bryan singing, Gil’s laugh.

Best for Fall sex: Um. I don’t remember that far back.

Fall song: I have no clue.

Reliable prediction: I will continue to be a complete dork when talking to Gil.

Best Fall television show: CSI:

So the title comes from the fact that this is a Fall meme and falling and stumbling are very close and then the days start getting shorter in the Fall and it is darker. Okay, I like the song and I had to come up with an excuse to use it.

Stumbling Through The Dark - The Jayhawks

You're so in love little girl
So much in love little girl
Running around in circles, why?
You know it's a crime

No less no more than a rose
No less no more than a rose
Try to attach a meaning
To words that you've heard

Stumbling through the dark
Seems I'm stumbling through the dark
Eveybody's stumbling through the dark

The men who proceeded us here
Left only questions and fears
The vanity formed by beauty lies
You know it's a crime

Stumbling through the dark
Seems I'm stumbling through the dark
Everybody's stumbling through the dark

How did you celebrate National Talk Like A Pirate Day?

It was Larry who first introduced me to National Talk Like A Pirate Day. I remember that Beth and I laughed about the idea and maybe said a few "Arrrs" and "Shiver me timbers."

I am not a big pirate fan, per se. I certainly enjoyed Pirates of the Caribbean (Hello. Johnny Depp. Orlando Bloom. Sword fights. What's not to love?) and my favorite character in Dodgeball was Pirate Steve (Alan Tudyk. He's so pretty. Waiting anxiously to see Serenity).

When Beth and I were in Portugal, we went to a town called Evora. Beth became a huge fan of Rick Steve and his travel book (we started calling him Ricky Steve for some reason) and pretty much planned out where we were going, what we were doing, how to get there, etc throughout the whole trip. This works out well for us. A typical conversation while in Portugal would consist of Beth reading passages from the guide book to me and asking me what I thought. Did that sound like a good idea? My answer usually was "Cool. Sounds like fun."

I adore Beth. She is the perfect travel companion. She is organized and logical whereas I am messy and, well, we all know that logic is not one of my strong points. She actually likes planning things which is just bizarre to me. Believe me, if the planning of the trip was left up to me, we probably never would have actually gone anywhere, let alone to Evora.

The post Beth wrote about our trip to Evora is located here. You are probably wondering what this trip has to do with pirates and I am here to enlighten you.

When visiting the Chapel of Bones in Evora (gorgeous but kind of creepy what with the Chapel being made out of skulls and femurs), Beth and I noticed a statue of Jesus. We both had the exact same thought. Please view the picture and let's see if you have the same thought as well.



If you are blessed with the same bizarre (and inappropriate) sense of humor that Beth and I both have, you would have immediately thought "Why is Jesus dressed like a pirate?" If you are not blessed with a bizarre and inappropriate sense of humor, I apologize greatly for offending you and am now wondering why you even read my blog. And also telling you to skip the rest of the post because you're not going to like it one bit and I want to save you the trouble of sending me hate mail (Yes, Mom, this means you as well. Not that you read my blog. I give you the perfect opportunity to keep track of what is going on in my life and you ignore it. I am so unloved. I bet if Kari had a blog, you would read it because it would be filled with news of your grandson. You love Kari more because she had Josh, don't you? I knew it! Do I have to have a child to get some attention around here? Because that ain't happening (Yes, Mom, I am kidding. I do not feel unloved. I know you have limited internet access. I just like to play the martyr sometimes. And I was serious about not reading the rest of this post. You will not be pleased)).

I want to make one thing perfectly clear. I do believe in God and Jesus and consider myself to be a spiritual person. However, does being spiritual mean that I can't have a sense of humor? I don't think so. I think Jesus probably had a pretty wicked sense of humor as well, some of the stuff he said to the Romans was rather interesting. And the parables are rather amusing as well. My viewpoint is that Jesus was a righteous dude.

Okay, anyway, we took several pictures of Pirate Jesus and, when showing the pictures to our friends when we returned, everyone agreed that, yes, he did look like a pirate. Char (who still has not yet started a blog, that slacker) looked at it and said he was obviously saying "Arrrr, my child." I think it is "Bless you, my matey." We all had a good laugh over it.

Fast forward several months. As you may or may not know, one of the blogs I adore reading is flea's, One Good Thing. Flea, for a long time, owned a sex shop geared towards women in Chicago. The store has closed but she still runs her website out of her garage. She's also a mother of two boys, one with special needs. She is an amazing writer and awes me whenever I read something by her, regardless of what it is about - sex, children, politics, her childhood, whatever. Beth occasionally reads her as well and we find ourselves sometimes saying "Hey, didn't flea blog about this (how Cold Stone Creamery employees sing when they are tipped (weird and very annoying))?" Or trying an experiment on men we know based on a magazine article she had read in Oprah and really confusing them (that was fun). I also ordered my Harry Potter book from her this year because, while she charges full price, 15% of the proceeds are donated to local Chicago children charities. Which made me feel like I was doing a good deed and getting a great book at the same time.

Anyway, monthly, she runs a contest and the winner will get something from her website. This month, I was amused to see that the contest was to win a new pornographic DVD called Pirates by telling pirate jokes (Do NOT click on this link if you are faint of heart. The contest is included in with a regular feature she offers on the site which is answering questions about, well, sex and stuff like that. But she is, as I said, brilliant and there are some pretty good pirate jokes). When scrapbooking at Beth's that weekend, I told Beth about the contest and said "You know, I bet flea would appreciate the picture of Pirate Jesus." That Sunday at karaoke, we were talking to Bryan and the subject came up. Beth said "I cannot believe you are sending a picture of Jesus to win Pirate Porn." My response was "I don't think I'll win. I just think that flea would enjoy the picture." I sent it off to her in email and never heard anything about it.

So you can imagine my shock on Monday, when I pulled up flea's site and found this post. Pirate Jesus was a hit. I won the DVD. I have no idea what I'm going to do with it but I still find it rather cool that I won. I suppose it will sit on the shelf next to Jeff's copy of the Gay to Z of Sex. And maybe I can convince Jeff and Keem to watch it with me some night - it would be good family time (this is what we call watching Survivor or Top Model), it would be a good laugh. The comments left on the post were fairly hilarious so they'll make a good read. And seriously, I cannot wait to tell Bryan that Pirate Jesus was a winner. I know he will enjoy that.

And now, I would like to thank the following people for my victory (imagine me standing at the Oscars, clutching my Pirates DVD in my hand):

Thanks to Johnny - if it wasn't for her, we never would have gone to Portugal for the best vacation EVER.

Thank you to Beth - it was her idea to go to the Chapel of Bones and I never would have snapped that picture if we hadn't have gone.

I would like to thank flea for choosing me as Captain DM. This is so cool!

And of course, I would like to thank Jesus. Who works in mysterious ways.

Yeah, I'm so going to hell. But at least I'm having fun.

The Life and Times of Dana Marie - The Novel

We have a lot to cover, people of the Internet, get prepared for a long, disjointed list that will probably not make any sense to all of you as a whole but individual things might make you say "Ah" or "Oh" or "My God, that Dana is a freak."

I've decided that, since I never finished those novels I've wanted, that I'm going to pretend that this is a novel and it will have chapters and everything. Really short chapters because I want to keep my readers (that would be you all) riveted. I figure if it works for Dan Brown, it's good enough for me. Unfortunately, I can not promise you that a gunshot will ring out every 3rd chapter. There aren't any major corporations/religions conspiring together either. Or are there?

Chapter One - In which I discover that I do not have full authority over everything

So back pain is gone. Thank you for asking. I don't know what happened. I don't care. I think it might have something to do with the fact that it did rain last night and, so, there is no more barometic pressure in the air and I can get on with my life. Just wait until winter comes, people, I will be a cranky Queen. You would think, with this being my Universe and all, that I would have more control over the weather.

Chapter Two - In which I make fun of my weight

I was thinking about the one hate comment (well, more than one but it was from the same person) I got back in October. It was regarding my remark about my less than favorable reaction to George Bush in a debate again John Kerry. The person indicated that I was a) an idiot and b) fat. So I started doing some logical assuming and figured out that since I am an idiot and also fat because I do not believe that George Bush is the BEST PRESIDENT EVER!, if you take that one step further, it is obviously Bush's fault that I'm fat. I'm blaming him. Perfectly rational, don't you think? Yes, yes, people, I am kidding. It's obviously McDonald's fault for force feeding me fattening food (Mark, that alliteration is for you). And yes, I'm kidding about this again. I was just thinking about the blame game that gets played a lot and I know where this weight came from and what I have to do to get rid of it. This is why today's lunch consisted of one Twist-Um Cheese Thing, one Super Mom's Ham & Cheese Snacker and one tray of Super Mom's carrots and celery. Can you say yay? Can you say Dana is ignoring the Cheez-its that are calling to her from her drawer? I knew you could. Shut up, you damn Cheez-its (still resisting today on 9/20 but it is hard)!

Chapter Three - In which I babble about Effexor and why I have been sad lately

Okay, so even though I am on my beloved Effexor and it does quite well at dealing with the chemical imbalanced piece o'crap called my brain, occasionally I still get sad. I have been sad lately. Nothing major, just something I'm going through that I have absolutely no control over (men are stupid (okay, not all men, obviously. Just one man)) and another thing that I have nobody to blame for but myself (over-extended money wise and really trying to figure out how I'm going to get back on track) and another thing that has been bothering me for years and what am I going to do about it (Curse you, food makers for making food so dang tasty! Curse you)? I should state, for the record, that sad in this case does not mean suicidal which is what life was like Before Effexor. BE I would find myself weeping at odd moments of the day (and not about movies. Over stuff like "Oh, I broke my fingernail. Life is SO hard) and staring out my window wondering what would happen if I jumped? Yeah. I live on the 26th floor. I know what would happen. I would be smushed. That would not be good.

Chapter Four - In which I explain what my point was in Chapter Three

Went off on a tangent in number 3 and figured it be better to just start a new number. So I've been sad, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, yesterday, when Keem came back home from LaCrosse, she handed me a package. I was wondering what was in it because, hello, broke. Not spending money willy-nilly lately (ask Keem or Beth about my A&W mug addiction where I went a little crazy shopping on eBay (which, hey, I have a digital camera. I should start selling stuff on eBay. Where has my brain been? I have junk. The American public loves junk)). I open the box and there, peeking out at me, is this grinning accordion playing frog. Oh, my God. I can't believe it. I was stunned. I did (in my mind because I was in Keem's room) a happy dance.

The background about the frog is that frog had an auction and the highest bidder would gain possession of an authetic accordion playing frog signed by frog. As you know, I like frogs. Except that I call them green duckies. The really cool thing about the auction was that you left in the comments a bid and then would donate that money to the charity of your choice. I had bid $15 to donate to the HRC, an organization that works for the rights of gay, lesbian and transgendered individuals. I was, however, quickly outbid by many others and Sass was the winner. So why did I end up with the frog?

A quick email to frog and the mystery was solved. Sass wanted me to have the statue. And I adore it. I will have to bring it to work and add it to my green duckies collection (which I would photograph but we're not allowed to take pictures at work. Maybe I will bring them home someday and photograph them or beg to be able to take the picture).

Isn't it amazing how things so simple can just bring a smile to your face and help eliminate the gloomies?

Chapter Five - How not to get me to ever call you

Last Thursday, I took a cab to karaoke. The last time I had journeyed by taxi to the Chalet, I ended up with a cab driver I had before, through the yellow cab company. He is a nice guy, we've had good conversations and, a high qualification for a cab driver, he is not a psycho. So, because of this, I decided to call yellow cab. Did I get the nice guy? Of course not.

This guy was kind of annoying. I told him that I was going to the Chalet. He mentions that he likes that place. Well, that cool. I love the Chalet (obviously since I write about it every single week). He says that he has a club that meets up there. Hmm. What kind of club is that? He laughs. That kind of "Oh, I can't tell you. It is a shocking and secret club." When does it meet? He laughs again. Apparently he is signed up for a mailing list through Yahoo and gets a ton of messages so he never knows until about three weeks later. Do I care? No. Are you talking about something I want to talk about anymore? No. So shut up already.

BB (you'll get it in a moment): Here. Let me give you my card.
DM: That's okay. He gave me a card last week. I have one.
BB: He didn't give you THIS card (what? Is it gold plated?)

He hands me his card.

BB: Give me a call. The number comes right to here (he holds up his cell phone).
DM: Sure. Let me the hell out of the cab, you freak.

My customary response to the $10 bill is to hand over a $20 and ask for $5 back. If I like the person. This guy annoyed me so he got a $2 tip. He was excited about it. Makes you wonder if a) I'm not the only person he's annoyed in the past or b) I just tip really well. Or both, I guess.

I walk into the bar and then look at the card. It says, in bold black letters, "Bad Brad's Cab."

I see Bryan and ask him "So. What do you think the chances are that I will ever call you if you give me a card that says 'Bad Brad's Cab?'" Bryan laughs and tells me a story about a cab experience he had.

Chapter Six - Bryan's Cab Story

Bryan rarely takes cabs but had to one day. He is not one to talk to the cab drivers, preferring to ride in silence. This cab driver, however, kept talking to him.

CD (Cab driver): I almost hit someone. I'm not sure if it was a rabbit or a bunny.
Bryan (to himself): What is the difference? Does one wear a bow?

She also keeps saying, over and over, "I can't believe they did it. But they did it." Constantly. Obviously waiting for someone, possibly Bryan, possibly her invisible friends, to ask her who they are and what they did. Bryan resists until the end of his ride when she says it again. Finally he asks "What did they do?"

CD: They did it. They made a chicken Whopper.

Yes. She spent the entire cab drive all excited because Burger King made a chicken Whopper. That's just bizarre.

Chapter Seven - More stuff from the Chalet on Thursday

While waiting for Beth, I joined the Reverend James and finally found out how to spell his fiance's name. It is Marian, as in Maid Marian. When Beth arrived, she brought her team lead, Steve and we had a good time talking to him. Steve sang the Killers song "Mr. Brightside" and completely wowed us. That is a very complicated song to sing and he nailed it. Very impressive. We also spent some time talking to Guiseppe (sp?) and his friend Marcus. They entertained me by singing the "Kiss the Girl" from the Disney movie "The Little Mermaid." Which was stuck in my head for the entire night. Guiseppe had asked me what I was writing and I mentioned that I had a blog and then told him why it was named the way it was and some of the other stuff I am famous for saying. It was nice telling someone new my stories and hearing the laughter. I live to amuse.

Chapter Eight - In which there is not gunfire or romantic interludes

Beth wrote a post about Sunday night and how nothing particularly earth shattering took place but it was a lot of fun. We were in a goofy mood and so were Angie and Amy. We were very excited to see Nate and officially meet his girlfriend, Becky (well, apparently we have met her before but I don't remember being officially introduced).

I am not sure how this happened but Angie and I started discussing our nipples and what they looked like. The night also resulted in Bryan telling a story while he was introducing me and managed to only say one word directly into the microphone. That word was "Herpes." Thanks, Bryan. Everyone in the place immediately looks at me. I do not have herpes, thank you very much.

Somehow our minds became warped and everything turned sexual in nature. We decided it was not only New Song Sunday but it was New Sex Song Sunday. Beth sang "I Want Your Sex." Nate sang "Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy (and it rocked)." I sang "Physical" and "You Can Leave Your Hat On." Angie sang "I Touch Myself." We were having a great time laughing about everything and just being completely silly.

A new person, Anthony, had sang several times that night and he was very good. Apparently, when he took his glasses off during his first song, I made a noise. I do not remember making a noise but Beth claims that I did. He was fairly attractive and, well, let's face it, I'm a red-blooded woman who is deprived of kissing. It is very frustrating for me.

At one point, I, somewhat crudely (forgive me), when asked what I thought of Anthony, said "I'd do him (of course I only mean that I would kiss him. I would never ever do anything other than that. You believe me, right)." This amused my friends and Nate asked "Just him?" I said "Right now, anyone." As I said this, the door opened and Gil walked in. Nate asked "How about him?" Believe me when I say that if the floor could open up and swallow me, I would have been greatly relieved. Fortunately Gil did not hear any of this.

Liz and James joined us later that night and we had a great time talking to them. It was a wonderful time and I love, love LOVE going to the Chalet. I will probably not be able to go this Thursday because I have miniscule funds ($30) to last me until payday (the 30th) and cannot afford the cab ride. It is very sad.

Chapter Eleven - In which I answer questions that were left in the comments

Johnny, Beth and I love music a lot. And I love telling people about songs I love and writing the lyrics down so that if someone else likes the song, maybe they will buy it and then that way I have supported the singer. Plus, it is fun to find lyrics that fit the post. I like fun.

Joe, last Sunday (a week ago Sunday), the Hurricane Dana came up at karaoke because we are all horrible, evil people. Horrible. Evil. Mainly it's a way for me to meet guys and do good deeds by taking in refugees. Hot, muscular refugees. Here is the post. Yes. Evil.

Chapter Twelve - In which the heroine rides off into the sunset with the hero and lives happily ever after

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah. Like that'll happen.


Okay, hope you enjoyed the novel. I think I'll make millions off of it. What do you think?

Thank You

I want to thank all of you who commented on my last post. It seriously is people like you that keep me going each day - that and my happy pills. I'm hoping that with all of your support that I can finally do something about this damn weight that has plagued me for years. You guys are such a great group of people and I adore you all. Just so you know.

I am having a hard time typing this right now because I did something stupid to my back, don't know what, and I can barely sit up. My shoulders are very tense right now, my right arm feels swollen and my lower back is sending twinges of pain to my brain every five seconds, sort of a "Hey, don't forget about me! Remember me? Well, I hate you" message. I don't know what is wrong, I thought it might have been because it was going to rain or something since I've been in pain since Wednesday but I don't think that's it.

Was supposed to go out with Beth last night and ended up having to cancel which I absolutely positively hate to do. I spent most of the day lying in bed, feeling like I had been hit by a truck. One of the worst things about being in pain for me is that the really intense stuff makes me want to throw up. So all day yesterday I was wondering "If I get up, am I going to have to dash for the bathroom? Because I don't think I can dash. Let alone crawl."

Today, at least, I don't feel nauseous. That's a plus. I am going to go take a hot shower and go take a nap. Maybe go sit in the hot tub for awhile. Actually, that's a good idea. I'll go do that first.

Beth, if you read this, if you still want to go to karaoke, let me know. Since I don't feel like my head is going to explode every time I move, I would love to go.

And our title comes from:

Thank You - Dido

My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I
got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window,
And I can't see at all
And even if I could it'd all be grey
But your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad
It's not so bad

I drank too much last night, got bills to pay
My head just feels in pain
I missed the bus and there'll be hell today
I'm late for work again
And even if I'm there, they'll all imply
That I might not last the day
And then you call me and it's not so bad
It's not so bad

I want to thank you
For giving me the best day of my life
Oh, just to be with you
Is having the best day of my life

Push the door,I'm home at last
And I'm soaking through and through
Then you handed me a towel
And all I see is you
And even if my house falls down now
I wouldn't have a clue
Because you're near me

And I want to thank you
For giving me the best day of my life
Oh, just to be with you
Is having the best day of my life

And I want to thank you
For giving me the best day of my life
Oh, just to be with you
Is having the best day of my life

If I could turn back time

Twenty years ago (and 3 months), on May 31, 1985, Dana Marie Vittum walked across a stage, shook hands with a plethora of teachers and walked off to greet her future.

Dana had plans for her life. She was going to set the world on fire. She was going to write gripping novels, travel to exotic places and meet strange and interesting people.

I have been feeling sad lately when I look at this smiling girl because I lost her. Somewhere in the last twenty years, she disappeared. Where did it happen? When? Was it travelling the hills and valleys of manic depression? Was it during what I call "The Needy Years" when I would be with someone just because I didn't want to be alone? I don't know.

I have been thinking a lot about my weight. In 1985, I weighed 180 pounds. But I looked good. I had a classic hourglass figure, curvy in all the right places. I do not weigh 180 anymore. I would do anything to get back to that weight. The problem is, of course, that losing weight is never as easy as gaining it. This wasn't something that happened overnight. Although 40 pounds was gained in the two months after my high school boyfriend moved out of state. Usually it was something that would sneak up on me, I would notice that my pants were a little bit tighter and have to buy the next size.

The depression I suffer from has not helped. Even though I have finally learned to only eat when I am hungry, instead of when I am bored or depressed or sad or tired, it is difficult to relearn how to eat. I know what I need to do. I have to cut portions and exercise more. I do know it's not going to be easy but it's something that has be done.

I am tired of being tired all the time. I am tired of being out of breath walking up a flight of stairs. I am tired of looking in the mirror and wondering where I went.

So. Here's the plan, folks. In the next day or two, I'm going to (yikes) measure myself. I'm going to keep track of the measurements weekly (joy). Please help me out by randomly yelling at me to put down that candy bar (actually, don't eat a lot of candy. Can even live without it). Oh, wait, the only one of you that lives near me is Beth. Darn. But seriously, I could use the encouragement. I sometimes want to go back in time and yell at my 18 year old self. And warn her about what a jackass Mark turned out to be. And Ray, my (snort) fiance. And tell her to stop being so damn proud and go to a shrink and get on antidepressants for the love of GOD.

And it's funny, I've been thinking about it and I realize that I'm still here. I may not write gripping novels but I've had over 6,000 hits on my blog since I started it. I have several loyal readers and have met some strange and interesting people because of it. I have gone to exotic places - last year I went to Las Vegas. This year I went to Portugal. Beth and I have decided that next year, in either March or April, we will go to Washington DC. In 2007, we are going to Italy.

The only thing I haven't done is set the world on fire. But you know what, what good Queen would want a charred and burnt world in her Universe? Not this one.

And, of course, the post title comes from Cher.

If I could turn back time - Cher

If I could turn back time
If I could find a way I'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay

I don't know why I did the things I did I don't know why I said the things I said
Pride's like a knife it can cut deep inside
Words are like weapons they wound sometimes.

I didn't really mean to hurt you I didn't wanna see you go I know I made you cry, but baby

[Chorus:]
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that hurt you
And you'd stay
If I could reach the stars
I'd give them all to you
Then you'd love me, love me
Like you used to do

If I could turn back time

My world was shattered I was torn apart
Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart
You walked out that door I swore that I didn't care
But I lost everything darling then and there

Too strong to tell you I was sorry
Too proud to tell you I was wrong
I know that I was blind, and ooh...

[Chorus]

Ooohh

If I could turn back time
If I could turn back time
If I could turn back time
ooh baby

I didn't really mean to hurt you
I didn't want to see you go
I know I made you cry
Ooohh

[Chorus #2]
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that hurt you
If I could reach the stars
I'd give them all to you
Then you'd love me, love me
Like you used to do

If I could turn back time (turn back time)
If I could find a way (find a way)
Then baby, maybe, maybe
You'd stay

[to fade]
Reach the stars
If I could reach the stars

Amazing - My weekend (AKA will the excitement ever stop?)

Do you know what I did this weekend, oh faithful readers of mine? Hold onto something solid because the shock might kill you.

I cleaned. Yes. I know. It is amazing, isn't it? I cleaned out my closet (and I came this close to using the Eminem song "Cleaning Out My Closet" as a title but I decided against it, mainly because it has absolutely no bearing on my weekend and I'm not a big fan of him either). Let me tell you, that was a load of fun. There is nothing like coming across a laundry basket full of clothes that you haven't worn in awhile and realizing that the faint odor you spell is none other than cat piss. Yummy (Keem had a cat named Bob who hated me for whatever reason and would take his revenge out on my clothing. I thought that we had got everything but WRONG! Stupid cat). Fortunately it wasn't that bad, just two shirts.

My theory for cleaning the closet was to make judgements on the clothing based on 3 categories. These were the "no longer fits me and I hate it," "fits me but looks absolutely horrible" and "no longer fits me but I adore it so I'm holding onto it until next year" categories. I was able to fill two bags of clothes for donation and can now see the floor in the closet. It is very exciting. I also found my shoe rack and, when I find my shoes (scattered around the bedroom), I will put them on said rack. And! I went through a box of things that were in my bathroom and ruthlessly threw stuff I do not need away. I was quite proud of myself. Jeff came in my room and asked if I was feeling well because he has rarely seen me clean my room. I tend to throw things in a pile and navigate treacherous paths throughout the room.

As a reward for my industry, I took a shower and a nap. This was on Sunday. I did absolutely nothing on Saturday. Well, laundry but that is boring, even though I got to hang out in the laundry room and work on a jigsaw puzzle. I should state, for the record (because I am always honest with you, dear Internet friends), that my idea of doing laundry may differ from all of yours. Here is what I did:

Put the remaining clean clothes away (I usually leave them in the wheelie cart and take clothes directly from there).
Gather the dirty clothes and put them into the wheelie cart.
Chase Eddy through the hallway when he escaped as Keem and I were leaving the apartment.
Put the dirty clothes into 5 washing machines willy-nilly (I do not sort. Sorting is for anal-retentive fools. Live free, people! Break the laundry chains! So what if you occasionally end up with pink socks! Pink is fun!).
Add laundry detergent.
Put quarters in my 5 machines and Keem's 6 machines (she sorts).
Tell Keem that I am a Helpful Dana because putting the quarters in the machines is the most difficult part.
Listen to Keem sputter with laughter. I am a Funny Dana.
Work on puzzle.
Take clothes out of washing machine.
Put clothes in 4 dryers.
Work on puzzle some more (Keem did the quarters this time).
Whine at Keem until she agrees to fold my clothes for me (I bribed her).
Get clothes out of dryers and pile them high. It is a mountain of clean and fluffy clothes.
Work on puzzle some more.
Whine when Keem says it is time to go back to the apartment because I have not finished the puzzle.
Wheel cart back into my room.
Tell Keem that I will put my clothes away like a Good Dana.
Don't put my clothes away.
Play on the computer.

I am sure that you will all agree that my version of doing laundry is probably much more exciting than yours.

Okay, anyway, back to Sunday. Beth called me to wake me up and it took a little while for me to a) hear the phone and b) get through to her. I called her back and then we had a "conversation."

B: Hello?
DM: Hi, I didn't get to the phone...
B: Hello?
DM: Beth?
B: Hello?
DM: Can you hear me now (I have a slight crush on the Verizon Wireless guy so I can never resist saying this)?
B: Hello?
DM: Beth?
B: Click (She did not actually say click. She did, however, hang up on me. I was shocked and/or stunned).

So I called her back and got her voicemail. And tried back again and it was busy. And tried back again and finally got through to her when she told me she was at Pennsylvania Avenue (which I have no clue where that is so, as usual, judged the time completely wrong and was late meeting her again).

Beth did a post on the oddness that was the night at karaoke - one of the semi-regulars was there, a man known on our blogs as the boy (it used to be THE BOY (with an implied exclamation point)), a man whose only mission in life appears to be to confuse the heck out of Beth and drive her insane. If Life was an SAT test, the question would be "the boy is to Beth what Gil is to ____." And the answer would be Dana.

It was an odd night but also a lot of fun. We were able to meet Angie's new beau, a man named Steve, who both Beth and I approved of greatly. We had met her previous beau and did like him but were also reserved because he always seemed to be drunk. Steve not only was able to hold a intelligent conversation but has a highly wicked and inappropriate sense of humor, just like ours! We had a great time talking to him and coming up with pickup lines for me to use after I started complaining about the 8 years of celibacy. Steve's suggestion (I think) was that I start taking in refugees from New Orleans (well-built, hot male refugees). Yes, we are all going to go to Hell so if you are easily offended, skip over this next part (in green). Otherwise, have fun reading it.

Pickup Lines:

Baby, you don't have to be a refugee.
I'm a Class Five love hurricane.
No levee is going to keep my love back.
I'll rock you like a hurricane (Beth wanted me to sing this song but Bryan vetoed it. Thank God).
There were more but I can't remember all of them. My new nickname is Hurricane Dana, an approvement over Evil Dana, if you ask me. Bryan started blowing into the microphone whenever it was my turn to sing.

Apparently we now have fake names for two semi-regulars, Dave and Seth. Dave is, well, quite yummy, if you ask me. He is dark and handsome and has a very deep voice. He also has acted in a few plays so we've had fun talking about our theater experiences. Seth is tall and kind of gangly with red hair and black hornrimmed glasses, cute in a geeky way. He is very smart and was explaining to us that when he gets drunk, he starts talking about his senior thesis. We asked him about it and then were completely blown away when he started talking about something in the most technical language ever, God knows what he was saying. Dave translated for us, it was something to do with animation or photography or, oh, who am I kidding? I have no idea.

The boy arrived later on in the evening and came over to join us. He was there with Pete, as usual, and Guru (these are fake names, in case you can't tell) was a new addition to the boy/Pete mix. While Guru has been seen before, he has usually been with Pete. Guru and Pete were both rather drunk and also annoying and devoid of any personality whatsoever. The boy even asked us if Pete had a personality, which Beth and I found quite amusing since this has been a topic of discussion between us. We both explained our theory, which is that Pete quite possibly has multiple personalities but it would be nice if he would bring at least one of them along with him. The boy explained that he and Pete have been friends for a long time which indicates that he is loyal. I got the impression that he had outgrown Pete as a friend and wasn't sure what to do about the situation.

Guru decided to tell us all (Beth, Angie and myself) that he was not gay and offered to prove it. If I had been thinking, my response to this crude conversation starter would have been "Well, that's obvious. You are neither charming or witty enough to be gay." Which is a stereotype, I know, I have known gay men who are neither charming or witty but they are a rare breed. Instead, we let him know how disgusted we were with him. Did he get it? Probably not. He was too drunk to understand that 1 and 1 is 2, let alone that he was acting like an idiot.

After the boy dragged the inebriated Pete and Guru out, the intelligence level at our table shot up (this is in no way a suggestion that the boy had anything to do with lowering said intelligence level, he does strike me as being able to hold his own in a conversation. He was overly animated on Sunday but Angie summed it up pretty well when she said to Beth “Oh, that’s why he was like that. He’s trying to impress you.”)

Liz and James joined us shortly after and the best part of karaoke took place. As much as I love singing, I enjoy the conversations between my friends and I the best. We splintered into small groups of discussion - Angie, Beth and Dave began discussing the differences between Faith and Religion with a soupcon of Politics thrown in (or so I believe. I was involved in my own conversation and only picked up bits and pieces. Seth and Liz began debating the merits of the educational situation in Japan. James and I started talking about our respective jobs and dealing with the corporate mindset. It was a good end to a somewhat bizarre day.

As we were leaving, Dave made a comment to Angie about his marital status (He is married but is either legally seperated or in the middle of a divorce) - "I am technically married and have a child but I'm hot (something like that and he was kidding when he said it)." My response was "Yes. Yes, you are." Which is proof right there that, as funny and smart and attractive as Dave is, he is not Gil because I would never be able to say anything like that to Gil.

And Angie, who is my Avon Lady, also brought me my Avon order and I was excited to see my new ribbon watch - it is a silver watch face that fits on a long velvet ribbon with three silver snaps to hold it into place. I cannot normally wear watches, either I can't find a a watch band large enough to fit my wrist comfortably or it overbalances my wrist and causes my carpal tunnel to flare up. This watch, however, is very comfortable and lightweight. I am quite pleased. We also started referring it to my bondage watch because it is kind of strappy. Yes. We are a bunch of freaks.

Okay, anyway, I am sorry this took so long to write, it has been very busy at work and my computer at home is extremely slow so I am way behind on both posting and reading all your blogs. Sorry.

The title comes from a conversation Beth and I had on Instant Messenger the other day. We were discussing the songs that we were listening to on iTunes and I explained I had a playlist called Confusion City which has a ton of songs that I listen to over and over again because they remind me of Gil in some way. She had asked what songs were in the playlist and I gave her a partial listing and mentioned that Amazing by Josh Kelley was listed twice. It has quickly become one of my favorite songs to listen to and sing along with and I wish it was at karaoke because I would try singing it. And yeah, I think Gil is amazing and only wish he felt the same way about me.

Amazing - Josh Kelley

You paint a picture on the wall
Cause you've got a lot to tell me
But you don't think you could say it better oh baby

You're bringing up times I can't recall
And I'm sure they made your point
But I just can't seem to remember yeah

And I know you've got the feeling
And I can't say I'm agreeing
With your topic of conversation
So just listen to the reasons
And the hints I've been giving
To the thoughts of my imagination

[Chorus]
So come on let me see
I say baby you are amazing
I want to let you see
That you are everything and more to me
I will let you be I will I will

Cause I saw you walking down the hall
And I had a lot to tell you
But I didn't think you could say it better oh baby

You're good at making me feel so small
And I know you made your point
But I just don't want to remember yeah

And I know you've got the feeling
And I can't say I'm agreeing with your topic of conversation
So just listen to the reasons
And the hints that I've been giving
To the thoughts of my imagination

[Chorus]

Cause I'm dancing around
In your world of play
I'm taking my time to make sure you stay
I would give my life to make it okay yeah

So come on let me see...

[Chorus]

I am not stalling. Okay, maybe a little.

Here is a brief recap of my weekend (Beth also posted about this. You should go read her post as well. It would be very exciting) and also the karaoke experience from last night (Thursday):

Beth picked me up Saturday night and we scrapbooked. I might actually finish my Vegas album sometime this year. Which would be good, since I went to Vegas in March, 2004. We watched several movies, the aforementioned "The Magnificent Seven." I cried. Not surprisingly. We also watched Secondhand Lions. I cried again. The incredibly hot Christian Kane (Lindsey on Angel) was in the movie, playing the young Robert Duvall's character. Yummy. There was a 3rd movie, I think. But I can't remember what it was. I am sure I probably cried.

Char was at karaoke! Yay! It was great watching Bryan do the classic double take. He walks in, comes over to say hi, starts to walk away to talk to Bobby and then turns around, completely confused. Classic (oh, I said that already. Oops. Oh, well, I am still recovering from the oddness). We had a great time hanging out with her and catching up. And then she left us. Again. Dang it.

This woman (Tonya) who comes in occasionally was there again and she referred to Beth as Buffy again. After Beth corrected her, we have the following conversation:

B: Hey. Apparently I am a vampire slayer.
DM: Well, at least you get to have sex with two hot vampires.
B: Woo-hoo (it should be stated, for the record, that this was a sarcastic woo-hoo. Beth is not a fan of either Buffy or Angel, although she did watch a few episodes in Portugal with Johnny and I. Beth doesn't watch TV that often. She does, however, listen to me when I talk about Buffy and Angel and has a slight understanding of who the characters are. This is the kind of friendship that we have. I listen to her when she talks about The Dark Tower books by Stephen King and have a slight idea of who the characters are. It is nice that we support each other's obsessions).

The woman and her friend went to sing a song called "Baby Boy." Don't know it. Don't care to know it. It was an interesting performance, obviously the first time that they had ever tried it and they were having some problems but they were trying. And since Beth and I are firm believers in the Rules of Karaoke (which we created so we had better support them), we were extremely annoyed by the girl behind us who was talking to her friend about how she wanted to kick Tonya and Vanessa (Valerie?) in the ass for "ruining the song."

Okay, first of all, did you pay a cover? No. Did you sing anything? No. Are you annoying the fuck out of me? Yes. Do you want me to kick your ass? Obviously.

You'll be pleased to know that I responded only with a dirty look and a "They happen to be friends of mine." Which, no, they really aren't but I think if I started spouting off about the Rules of Karaoke, it would confuse the annoying girl so much that she might explode and that would so be against my New Year's Resolution to not kill anyone this year (here's a question, Beth says that since I stated that my New Year's Resolution was to not kill anyone, that means I can't wait until January and then take out the people that have seriously crossed me, I have to not kill anyone ever. I think that since I said "this year" that means these people are fair game. What do you all think).

There was a very odd man that sat at the end of our table without asking. Now it was very crowded and no one was sitting there at the time but Beth and I typically get a larger table because we have people that will come up and join us. Such as Liz and company or Angie, Amy and Sarah (who weren't there and it was sad). So just sitting down at the table without asking? That's kind of annoying.

We were trying to figure out why he looked familiar and then it dawned on us. There was a night that we had gone to Michael's (dive in East Saint Paul) to see our friend Michael who was working there as a karaoke host. This man was there that night. We were sure of it when he got up to sing and we got to experience his high pitched rendition of songs by Journey. Joy.

He also broke the Rules of Karaoke by not applauding when others sang. Excuse me? Are you this big superstar that doesn't have to show common courtesy? No, I didn't think so. The whole fun of the karaoke experience is communing with others and joining in the spirit of fun. Not being a jackass.

Later on that evening, this somewhat frightening looking individual joined High Pitch Man at our table. This was Obviously Drunken Man. HPM & ODM began a conversation about football (oh, yeah, because we are all such football fans) and I tuned out as much as possible. Beth, however, has much better hearing than me and could actually hear HPM making these odd noises under his breath. A high pitched "AHHHHHHHH." Okay. You're a freak.

At one point, towards the end of the evening, we looked over and realized that ODM had fallen asleep. How you fall asleep in a packed bar is beyond me. Apparently ODM was much drunker than we thought.

Thankfully, Liz and a whole group of people came in shortly after that. James turned 35 on Sunday and they were celebrating his birthday. James was rather drunk and, as always, very funny. Dean was also there so it was great to see him, it had been quite some time since his last appearance. We moved over to a table by Liz and Company and Barry and Dean joined us. So did Cassie and James (on occasion).

There is a man that comes up to karaoke on Thursdays and Sundays named Ryan who is, quite honestly, one of the best looking men I have ever seen, outside of the movies. He is tall and dark and handsome and very nice. Cassie was rather drunk and started telling him how hot he is which he replied with a polite "Thank you." As he turned away, I said to Cassie "Yeah, and the black eye makes him even hotter (He has been sporting a black eye recently because he was mugged a little over a week ago and it makes him look a little dangerous. Yummy)."

And then Ryan turns around and I realize that he had heard me. We have a good laugh over it and he leaves. Beth had missed the whole thing so I told her when she got back. She was amused over the fact that he caught me and Dean said "I think that was the best part."

James got called up to do the last song of the evening because it was his birthday. There was hooting and hollering and calls of "Take your pants off!" Which he did. He also took his sweater off, standing there in his t-shirt and boxer briefs. What a way to end the evening.

But wait. It wasn't over yet. Liz invited us over, we followed her there and then helped escort James into the house. It was quite amusing, watching him stumble back and forth and then stop when he saw the flute on top of the piano.

"I'm going to play the flute," he announced. He then picked up the flute and started blowing on it while Beth and I tried very hard not to burst into hysterical laughter. The look of concentration on his face was priceless, especially when he was not able to make a single note come out of the flute.

A few minutes later, Liz made the wise decision to take James home and let him sleep off the effects of his birthday. We remained and had a good time watching Liz and Bryan try to build a fire, playing with their adorable dog Theo and talking to the various other people at the gathering.

It was a good night. It was a bit odd because Barry decided to vanish for awhile and Beth and I later found him hiding behind the fence when we were leaving. Barry is a great guy but he does give off the occasional serial killer vibe. So having him walk up to us in the dark? A little freaky.

Beth and I returned to her apartment and watched some Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman episodes. I had never seen the show before so Beth was exposing me to it and I did enjoy it. It was kind of cheesy in some parts but Dean Cain is very attractive and more than makes up for it. I did find myself yelling at the television a few times, especially when Lois was thinking about marrying Lex Luthor. What was she thinking? We did this on Monday as well and then watched Evolution and scrapbooked some more.

It was a good weekend. Things didn't work out exactly the way that I wanted but you can't always get what you want, right?

Last night, I took my nap and woke up at a little bit after 11 PM, realizing that I had set the alarm clock for 10 AM instead of 10 PM. Fortunately Beth doesn't get off work until 11:30 so I had more than enough time to jump in a cab (nice guy, he's driven me before, we had a good discussion about Batman and how I once had a crush on Aquaman (don't laugh. It is the perfect match, he talks to fish, I am a Pisces) but the most horrific BO).

It is nice to be greeted with a "Oh, I'm glad it is you" when you walk into the bar. Bryan had been concerned when he saw the cab pull up because that means that either the person is going to get drunk or they are "pre-drunk" and sometimes spoiling for a fight.

I said hello to Andrew and Ryan, got to feel Andrew's hair (he has a sort of Mohawk, his hair is longer in the middle but his head is not shaved (thank goodness)) so I got to feel the Mohawk part. It was very soft. I practice flirt with Andrew so he knows not to take me seriously.

The Reverend James, Joe Funko and a group of their friends were there, including Marian (Mary Ann?), the good reverend's fiance. They were playing Russian Roulette which involved taking the list of songs you normally sing and putting it into a basket. Then, when it was your turn to sing, you would draw out someone else's list. I decided to play as well and it was a lot of fun, I ended up singing two of the Reverend's songs (Daniel by Elton John and Come a Little Bit Closer by someone other than Elton John) and one of Bryan's songs (Drift Away, the Uncle Kracker cover). I didn't suck horribly. Reverend James sang one of mine, Wicked Game, and I leaned over to Marion (MariAnn? I really need to learn how to spell her name) and told her I had never been jealous of her before until that moment because the Reverend was "freakin' hot." She told me they met when he sang karaoke at the bar she worked at. I'm getting to know that group a little bit better and it is nice to have them to talk to when I'm waiting for Beth.

Liz and James also came up, I was able to give James his birthday present and card. The present was a velvet Batman folder I found at Wal-Mart (shh! James hates Wal-Mart) and I had to buy it for him even though it was completely cheesy. Batman is my favorite super hero and I knew he would appreciate it. Liz and James tried some of Beth's sukudo puzzles which Beth is now completely addicted to. I will not touch them because they involve numbers. Numbers are not our friends.

Karaoke was, as always, a great experience. I am glad that I have this time to spend with Beth and our other friends.






Yes. I did see Gil. While I still think that he may be The Guy, there is a very good chance that he has found The Girl and her name is not Dana. I have nothing to base this on, other than a few brief overheard conversations. Anyway, I still really like him but, as I've said before, he's also my friend. If this person (said with gritted teeth) makes him happy, then I am all for that. Plus, this will help me relax when I talk to him and I will stop being such a dork around him. I really do believe that if it is meant to be, it will happen.

Oh, and just so you know, I'm going to either become a nun or find myself a nice mail order bridegroom. I'm leaning towards the mail order bridegroom, actually, because I miss kissing and I don't think nuns get much of that in the convent.

Gimme Some Lovin'

I started watching Rockstar: INXS because of Jordis Unga and the fact that I "knew" her (of her is more like it, the closest I've come to her is sitting about two feet away as she brought the house down at the Chalet by singing "Georgia"). I did not expect to like the show, mainly because I expected it to be similar to American Idol and, although I don't mind pop music, Simon Cowell annoys the heck out of me.

I was pleasantly surprised. First of all, Rockstar: INXS did not show you the people that applied before, the best and the worst. You started out with a group of people, all extremely talented, and watched them grow as musicians. I started out rooting for Jordis but I quickly became fond of both Mig and Marty as well.

Bryan, Liz and I have enjoyed having a conversation or two (or multiple) about the show - how people were doing, how much we can't stand JD Fortune (that was mainly me) and who we thought would win.

Last night, I watched Jordis get eliminated. I have mixed feelings about this. She is a fantastic performer and I agree with Dave Navarro when he said a few weeks ago that he was witnessing a star being born. Jordis will go far as a singer, I have no doubt about that. Was she right for INXS? I don't know. I think she would have been fabulous fronting for them but I don't know that it would have been the right move for her. So, while I'm sad I'm not going to be watching her every Tuesday night, I think this has been a good opportunity for her to show off her style.

As for Mig and Marty, I think I want Mig to win and Marty to...well, I really want Marty to come to Minnesota and marry me (sigh. The man reminds me of a young Tom Petty. He's pretty damn hot) but barring that, a fantastic career would be nice. I am avidly waiting for his first original single, Trees, to be released NOW.

Anyway, in honor of Jordis, I chose the title from the song she sang during Week 3, it is a great song and I'm fond of it. Besides, right now, it's time for the fans of Jordis to give her some lovin'. I know I will be following her career and rooting her on. Her blog, if you are interested in reading it and leaving her a comment, is located here.

Gimme Some Lovin' - The Spencer Davis Group

Well my temperature is rising got my feet on the floor
Crazy people rocking 'cause they want to go more
Let me in baby I don't know what you got
But you better take it easy 'cause this place is hot
And I'm so glad you made it, so glad you made it
You got to gimme some lovin', gimme gimme some lovin'

Well I feel so good, everybody's getting high
You better take it easy 'cause the place is on fire
Been a hard day and I don't know what to do
Wait a minute Baby, this could happen to you

Well I feel so good, everybody's getting high
You better take it easy 'cause the place is on fire
Been a hard day nothing went too good
Now we're gonna relax just like everybody should.

I have no idea how to post about this weekend at karaoke

It was confusing and I'm not sure how to interpret any of it and Gil was there and I can't talk about what happened because that would so reveal his secret identity and, well, suffice to say that I'm truly, truly baffled (Although, on a high note, Char was there! She had a wedding this weekend and surprised Beth and I and we had a great two hours talking with her).

So, instead, I bring you pictures.

This is a trip Keem and I took to the Gervais Mill Pond in Maplewood (Roseville? Some city in Minnesota). Keem bought a digital camera recently so we've been taking excursions out to various nature centers in the Twin Cities area. Looking forward to returning to some of these places during the Fall and getting pictures of the leaves changing color. I love Minnesota in the Spring and Fall. It is completely gorgeous and memories of it keep me from going insane during Summer and Winter.

Here is Keem on the bridge. What I love about my friends and myself is that none of us like to have our pictures taken but we love to take pictures of each other. I think that both Keem and Beth are extremely photogenic and each have a wonderful beauty all of their own but will look at pictures of myself and think "Eww." I guess beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.



This would be the mill pond. One of my favorite things to take pictures of would be the reflection of trees in water. I am not sure why. It might be because I love both trees (tree hugger) and water (Pisces).



Here is a bridge. I like taking pictures of bridges as well.



I love this house. How nice would it be to overlook this pond and see the constant changing seasons and the water? I wouldn't want to live off of a beach because that would be loud and annoying but this, this I would like.



Here are three of my favorite things in one picture - A bridge, a reflection and playing with the saturation effect on Picasa. I call this "Bridge Over Saturated Water." Yes. I am a dork. I took a test to prove it.



Tree! I took this picture mainly because of the red leaves and the constrast and why the heck is Fall coming so soon? It's kind of sad watching the leaves change so quickly. It's only August (okay, it was when I took the picture. I do know it's September, people).



Why, look. It's another bridge.



If you're interested, the rest of the pictures are here.

Saw The Magnificent Seven last night

I'd never seen it before. It is an excellent movie. And I learned something that I had never realized before.

Yul Brynner is freakin' hot.

So. What are you doing this weekend?

I sent this email to some of my co-workers yesterday but you know, this applies to all of you as well. If you just happen to be in the Saint Paul area, what better way then to celebrate the glory of the Twin Cities by stopping off at the Chalet? And, hey, if you're really lucky, maybe you will be able to join us when we are once again trapped in the bar while a police investigation takes place outside.

Yeah. I said again. Last night, right after the bar closed, 7 or 8 squad cars surrounded the Chalet and the police pulled some men out of a truck/SUV/something or other that had pulled into the parking lot. Bryan had gone outside to see what was going on, saw a cop with his gun drawn and the cop yelled "Get back inside." Which he did, because, hello, cop with gun. While we then waited for approximately 45 minutes before we could leave. But hey, at least Liz was there this time.

And, really, don't you like a little bit of excitement with your weekends?

From: DM
Sent: Thursday, September 01, 2005 11:47 AM
To: Lots of people that I work with
Subject: Karaoke - September 4, 2005

You've heard me talk about it enough. Now it's your chance to experience the joy that is karaoke at the Chalet on Sunday nights. We don't work on Monday so you wouldn't have to worry about being too tired to come into work. We usually get up to the Chalet at about 9-9:30. You are not required to sing. You are required to applaud massively whenever I sing, which you will want to do anyway because I am just so wonderful (yes, yes, I'm being sarcastic). If you do decide to sing, you are not allowed to sing Picture because that is the worst song in the entire world.

Please, please, please come? It will be lots and lots of fun. Bring friends! Bring family! Bring random strangers from the street! If I forgot anyone, please feel free to forward this email on to others.

Warning: The Chalet has been classified as a bar and so therefore, the area will contain tobacco smoke (thank God).

Here is a link to the Chalet on mapquest, where you can get driving instructions.

She must die!

If you haven't read this post yet, you're not going to understand why I want to kill my roommate. But you know, I'm thinking there isn't a jury alive that would convict me.

This, THIS, is the email she sent me today:


-----Original Message-----
From: Keem
Sent: Thursday, September 01, 2005 10:03 AM
To: DM

Subject: RE: You may be beyond their scope of expertise

We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.
We are testing the fire alarms in your apartment, so don't be alarmed.