Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Alcohol is bad but I'm kind of grateful for it

Okay, if you would like to know what I'm talking about (if you didn't read the drunken postings), please click here for my post and Beth's post about what happens when we drink way too much. Oh and then click here for pictures of our adventures (The warning label is found here. Thanks, flea).

Are you back? Good.

For the record, I woke up at about noon on Monday with a seriously bad headache and sore muscles but took some ibuprofen and woke up just fine later that afternoon. No hangover. Just a lot of saying "Oh my God!" as I remembered what happened and alternating between laughter and cringing.

I want to emphasis that we did plan for this and had arranged that Char was going to drive us home before we started upon our carousing. We are responsible and would not drive while intoxicated. This is especially good since I still do not have a driver's license.

Here's what I remember of the evening that Beth didn't cover in the follow-up post (or the comment she left on her drunken post):

After about three drinks, Beth and I confided in each other that we really weren't drunk, we were just pretending to be more impaired than we actually were. But, hey, a few more drinks took care of that. I had seven of what is commonly known as a pineapple upside down cake (but it wasn't the normal shot, Bobby pours these for us in regular bar glasses) and two buttery nipples. Beth had nine and two. I was trying to catch up with her but never managed.

I'm not really sure when I lost control of my voice. What I mean by this is that I started saying things to people in what I thought was a whisper but apparently wasn't. This included telling the entire table (and some surrounding tables) that I was "fucking horny."

When Craig arrived and saw that we were drinking, we had the following conversation:

Craig (as a joke): You two are drinking? I'm going to get lucky tonight.
DM: Craig, we've already established that I would do you.
Craig: Do what to me?
DM: No. Not to you. Do you. You know.

This is because last Thursday Beth said to me "Admit it, if there were no consequences, you would sleep with Craig." And I said "Oh, yeah. Of course." I do find Craig is very attractive and like him a lot but I'm not in like with him. He is a good friend and would never take advantage of anyone when they are drunk. He did, however, spend a good part of the evening trying to get a paper airplane fly into my cleavage.

I'm not quite sure how he missed since there was a lot exposed. Enough that one of the guys at the neighboring table asked me about my dragon tattoo and I then showed that table the misspelled one.

Throughout the evening, different men would go up and sing and I would tell Amy that they were my future husband. At the end of the evening, I had five future husbands. Six, if you count Peyton Manning (he's a football player. I think). The five men could also sing well. I'm not sure if Peyton Manning can sing but he's cute.

DM (to Amy, when one of the guys from the neighboring table was talking to her): Is it appropriate to tell him that he's my 2nd husband.
2nd husband: I'm not ever getting married.
DM: That's okay. You can sing. That's all that matters.
2nd husband: Who's your first husband?
DM: Some guy. He sang "Me & Mrs. Jones."

Except I think I said something like "Mr. Jones. No, Mrs. Jones. You know. That song." Amy laughed at me. A lot. She has pretty hair. I told her that. And then I think I played with it. Because that's not weird at all.

Being prone to suggestion (damn it!), I was talked into singing "Strokin'" by Angie. This was my 2nd song that night. The first one was "Change the World" and I was somewhat sober at that time. I was not sober for "Strokin'" at all (no pun intended).

Bryan: What are you singing?
DM: (The number for "Strokin'" which I don't remember right now)
Bryan: Are you singing "Strokin'?"
DM: Yeah.
Bryan: I know they're trying to get you to sing it because you're drunk. But you don't have to sing it. I'll back you up. I'm on your side here.
DM: Thanks. But that's okay. I'll sing it.

I'm sure I wasn't that articulate.

Bryan: Okay.

I really appreciate Bryan trying to protect me. And I should probably have listened. But I didn't. Damn it. I don't really remember much of the song except that I was singing (except this song isn't really a singing song. It's more of a talking song except when you get to the chorus) about a half measure ahead of the prompter. Oops.

Beth came up and started dancing. But you would know that from the pictures. I am pretty sure I didn't dance. I started to with the ducks but Char reminded me that I had asked her to stop me if I started glow ducking (if Beth can figure out how to post it, there is actually a video of me glow ducking the following day at about 6 PM. In my pajamas. And completely sober. Great).

Fast forward to later on that evening. All of a sudden Char said "James is here."

Let me take a moment to remind you all that I have liked James forever. Okay, actually since last January when I first saw him. I was telling Beth yesterday that I noticed him before I even knew him. He had walked into the bar and something about him caught my attention. I don't know what it was but ever since then I was hooked. It took me a long time to admit that I liked him. Which Beth and Johnny can testify to since I dragged them into a shop in Portugal so I could buy him a moped I had seen in the window. This was in April. It took me until May 21st to actually admit to liking him. And that was under his code name Gil. That stands for Guy I like but is also a reference to Gil Grissom on CSI: because James reminds me of him. A lot.

I do remember that he sat next to Beth and she started talking to him. A lot. I was terrified that she was going to tell him that I liked him. But not Beth. She's way too subtle for that. No, instead she told him he was old. And then clarified it by saying old for her. But he needed the love of a good woman.

In her follow-up post to the drunken post (not the one with pictures), she wrote this:

I told James that my boobies, Angie's, Amy's, Liz's, Sarah's, and Char's boobies were off limits. I did not tell him DM's boobies were on limits, but it was implied. And he's not an idiot.

I remember turning to Amy and saying "Amy! Make Beth stop talking!" I also walked up to Bobby and pleaded with him.

DM: Bobby! Make Beth stop talking. Please!
Bobby: Why?
DM: Because she's going to tell James I like him.
Bobby (restrained laughter): She sure does seem to be talking a lot.

At one point, someone made a comment about oral sex. I do not remember who. I do remember James looking at me.

DM (casually): I swallow.

I can only imagine the look of horror on my face after I realized what I had just said. I do remember feeling my eyes get bigger in shock.

DM: Oh my GOD! I am never drinking again.
Dean (turning to James): Why is she never drinking again?
James: She swallows.

Angie, Amy & Liz heard that. Angie took the time to tell me a joke that I am not sure I can repeat. Oh, what the hell, it's not like I haven't embarrassed myself enough already.

Angie: Dana, how can you tell if a man has a high sperm count?
DM: I don't know.
Angie: You have to chew first.
DM: Ewww.

I remember looking at Liz and I am pretty sure that she told me to lick James. Or to tell him how I felt. Or something. When Beth had moved to tell someone else something, I got up and sat down next to him.

I do not remember exactly how the conversation started. I do know that I told him the following things:

I like him. A lot.

DM: Why do you think I was so terrified about Beth talking to you? I was afraid she was going to tell you.
James: That's what you were so worried about?
DM: Yeah.
James: Why?
DM: Because you're like the captain of the football team.

He laughs.

DM: Why does everyone laugh when I tell them that?

I also told him that I was jealous when Stephanie kisses him. I forgot to add that it was because I was jealous that she could just walk up to him and kiss him and I was too chicken to do it. I also told him that I thought it was hot when Barry kissed him.

I told him I wanted to lick him. And then, with his permission, I proceed to do so. He tastes very yummy.

He was singing something to Liz (don't remember what it was now).

Liz: You shouldn't sing.
DM: He sings really good.
Liz: He sings well. You feel really good.
DM: Yeah.

I remember telling him about the time that there was a cop and Beth, Char and I had a conversation about it. This is the part from the conversation that I told him about:

On the way home, Beth, Char and I (do you not just love the fact that our names are alphabetical? Isn't that cool? Or is it just me) were talking about the evening - playing darts, karaoke, Bryan and Liz and the rest of the cool table, Gil (guy I like), etc. Then a car passes by us and we have the following conversation.

Beth (B): That's a cop.
Char (C): He's going a bit fast, isn't he?
DM (D): Is it wrong that I want to lick his earlobe?

There is a dead silence. Both Beth and Char look at me.

B: Oh! You mean Gil.
C: Not the cop.
D: Well, yeah.

I told him he was the sexiest man in the universe. That he was quite possibly the most perfect man ever and I even liked it when he burped (which is obvious proof of my insanity). I compared him to Batman. The original Batman (that would be Adam West).

James: You're comparing me to Adam West?
DM: Are you kidding? He's hot. Especially when he was young.

Those of you who would doubt that should click on this link and go to photo number 30. Holy hotness, Batman!

I do not regret kissing him or telling him any of this. I'm glad I did it. I may never return to the Chalet but I don't regret Sunday night. At least it's out in the open. Oh, God, is it ever.

For the record, if nothing happens between us, I'm okay with that. When I told him that I didn't understand why he was single because he's the most handsome man in the universe, he said that he valued his friendships more than relationships. Which I think is cool.

Oh, and I told him he had the sexiest earlobes ever. And a great ass. And that his forearms were sexy. And I kissed him. He kissed me back. It was very nice. I like his lips. It was not a long kiss and no, there was not any tongue. No, that came later when I hugged him goodbye and licked him again.

Oh my God. I licked James. Twice.

And just for the hell of it.

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  1. Batman will always turn right when leaving a cave.
  2. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching Batman!
  3. The Batman-fighting market in the Philippines is huge - several thousand Batman-fights take place there every day!
  4. The Church of Scientology was founded in 1953, at Washington D.C., by Batman!
  5. Two thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in Batman!
  6. The original nineteenth-century Coca-Cola formula contained Batman!
  7. If you lie on your back with your legs stretched it is impossible to sink in Batman!
  8. Baskin Robbins once made Batman flavoured ice cream.
  9. When Batman is swallowed, he will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes.
  10. Apples are covered with a thin layer of Batman!
I am interested in - do tell me about