How to completely ignore all of the advice you have been given*

*Alternative title is "Why Beth is trying to kill me."

I am an advice ignorer. Just so you know. Except for all of the juice advice. I drank lots and lots of juice and still am. I am not a big fan of orange juice, just so you know. I don't like pulp. Also, V8 Splash Fruit Medley, while only 10% juice, is quite possibly the best juice ever. It is like liquid crack. I am also not fond of chicken soup. I am not sure why. I like chicken. I like soup. But I do not like them combined. Do you know what I had for lunch the last two days? I'll tell you. Cheez-its and cream cheese. It is the best snack ever. And so easy to prepare. Put cream cheese in a bowl. Pour Cheez-its into bowl. Drag Cheez-its through cream cheese. Devour. Drink more juice.

If you read the comments from my post where I whined about being sick, you will understand why I want Sheryl to be my mom. She would read Beatrix Potter books to me. I love Beatrix Potter books. They had rabbits and squirrels and didn't make me cry like The Velveteen Rabbit. Actually, I have decided that I want all of you to be my moms because I like the idea of having multiple moms and then I could wear a t-shirt that says "I love my multiple moms" and then I could get a bumper sticker that I like that says "Doing my best to piss off the religious right." Except I don't have a bumper to put the bumper sticker on. This presents a problem.

Okay. I became somewhat random there. The point to this post is that I ignored the very good advice that I received from not only all of you but my actual mother (who is back in Arizona). My mom sent me the following email advice, after I whined to her about not being here. I have highlighted the part that I laughed at when I read it. And not a "Oh, Mom, you're so funny" sort of way. No, it was "Woman, are you on crack?" type of laugh.

"Sounds like a head cold. Drink lots of hot fluids and soups and keep warm as possible, supposed to help chase away the virus. Also if you could purchase some of those Airborn losenges you fizz in water and drink that Kari uses - cheaper at Walgreens, called Walborne's, as they have auto immune fighters to shorten the length of the cold. Sorry I am not there to mother you, this is the best I can do. No going out on Sunday night, at least not staying out late. You need to be healthy for Monday morning so you don't lose your vacation/sick days, too early in the year!"

My response was short and to the point (they usually are when emailing my mother. She has a tendency to go off on tangents (I don't take after her at all. Shut up) and a two sentence email from me can and has garnered a three page reply.

You're kidding about not going out tomorrow, right? Because this is the chance to see James and see what his response is to my drunken pledge of adoration. I'll be fine. I spent $34 on juice. Juice is our friend.

What was I talking about again? Um, oh, yeah, ignoring advice.

So Beth called me tonight (last night? I get confused when I post early in the morning) and somehow convinced me that it would be a good idea to go out to eat and to see a movie. I am not sure what it is about Beth but she seems to have this way of convincing me to do things that I am not sure I really want to do. I wanted to stay in and stare at the television and bore myself to tears but this would not result in laughter. Laughter is bad. Well, no, laughter is good and I really, really like it but my lungs do not like it right now. They reject laughter. Part of the rejection process includes me coughing a lot and that kind of hurts.

But I am not immune to Beth's mystical powers and so I agreed that yes, hey, going to a movie would be a good plan. She picked me up and we headed to some place where there are restaurants. We were going to go to Axel's Bonfire (best Creme Brulee in the world. Trust me on this) because Jen, the best waitress in the world (no, I don't exagerrate at all. What are you talking about), works there on Friday nights. But Bonfires (our name for the place) was packed so we decided to go to the Green Mill. This place where the restaurants are is called "The Village" which seems somewhat pretentious for a bunch of eateries and shops clustered together. It is a mall without being a mall if that makes any sense.

Parking at "The Village" is bizarre. We ended up parking in front of Bonfires and walked around to the entrance and then had to walk around the other side to the Green Mill. When I am sick and my lungs hate me, they like to play tricks on me - such as fun games known "Hey! How long can you walk for without air?"

The food was very good. We ordered onion rings as an appetizer and then both had the Blackjack burger - Cajun style with bacon and pepper jack cheese. Very yummy. We followed up with turtle cheesecake (with the whipped cream and pecans on the side since Beth doesn't like either and I am fond of them). Then it was off to the movie.

Hey. I've got an idea. You're already having a hard time breathing. You find yourself coughing if you laugh too hard (which didn't help that Beth found out some more info about our night of craziness and we were laughing over that) so what better way to spend the evening then watching "The Producers."

It was Beth's idea to go so this is where our alternative title comes from. She is obviously trying to kill me. We laughed so hard during the movie and then afterwards, we were singing some of the songs and quoting from it. It's kind of a nice change from "Oh my God. I compared him to Batman. And not just any Batman. Noooooo. Adam West."

I think my favorite quote is this:

Leo Bloom (Matthew Broderick, right after Nathan Lane has dashed water in his face to try an d calm him down): I'm wet! I'm hysterical and I'm wet!

Max Bialystock (Nathan Lane) slaps him.

Leo Bloom: OW! I'm in pain! I'm in pain, and I'm wet, and I'm still hysterical!

Anyway, I had a great night. Took my mind off of my cold (except when I started coughing from all the dang laughter). I'm going to try sleeping again. I had to get up because I was, yes, you guessed it, coughing.

I am tentatively looking forward to tomorrow night. I am also a bit nervous. I'm pretty sure that James and I will have the "We're just going to be friends" talk which would be fine. Unless, of course, I tell him that none of it ever happened and ignore the topic completely. I don't think I'll get away with that, though. I have a feeling at least one person is going to be singing the Batman theme song. Dang it.