Now something that is not about the plague or a meme

Last night, in between dashes to the bathroom, Keem and I were watching Whose Line is it Anyway? (Oh, my God, how I love that show, Colin Mochrie, if you ever decide to leave your wife and come see me, I'm in Minnesota), the British version. We have this recorded on our pretty shiny DVR and Keem was fast forwarding through the commercials when we saw yet another commercial for Doctor Who. I used to love the show when I was 16 but haven't seen any of the recent epsidoes. Pretty shiny Doctor Who who is played by the really hot guy who played Raymond Calitri in Gone in 60 Seconds.

Anyway, in this commercial, he is staring directly at you (well, the camera but you know what I mean).

DW: Do you want to come with me?

Keem and I have had responses to this, usually along the lines of "Yes, please" and "Oh, you are so very pretty" but Keem topped them all last night.

Keem: You can Doctor my Who anytime.
DM (falling over with laughter): What?
Keem: You heard me.
DM: I am so blogging that.
Keem: No! You can't!
DM: Oh, yes. Yes, I will.

You would think that, with all of the enjoyment we get out of watching the commercial, we'd actually watch the show but not yet. Maybe when our 453 episodes of Whose Line have all been watched (this is what you get when you do a series record).

Oh, and proof positive that my happy pills are working, the other day I had to take a bus. I got on the bus and the three or four men in the back of the bus started making comments about how I was a big woman and also "El Grande." Now, instead of focusing on the fact that they were criticizing my weight and how I must climb into a hole because I'm just a big fat cow that doesn't deserve to walk the planet, instead I thought "Hmm. Technically, when you call me 'El Grande,' you're calling me 'The Big.'" Of course, they weren't Hispanic but still, dudes. If you're going to insult me, get it right.

I may adopt that as my new title. Instead of the Queen of the Universe, you may find me signing documents as The Big. It kind of has a nice ring to it.

And I decided on a New Year's Resolution. The Mountain Dew has to go. I'm not so sure that I can continue to blame my recent weight gain on Seraquel and may need to focus on the four or five cans I manage to drink every other day or so. Stupid Mountain Dew. Why must you be so yummy?

Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse

I just want to let you all know that I am having a crappy day. And when I say crappy day, I mean literally.

Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to go to your boss and say "Hi, Cheryl. I need to run home and get a change of clothes because I didn't make it to the bathroom in time." It is highly embarrassing. It is beyond embarrassing. It is horrible and depressing and God, I just want to go home and cry. But I can't because I am a) out of vacation time and b) one illness away from going on a formal warning and losing all of my special projects and I'm sorry but you are not taking my special projects away. Fortunately, Cheryl (who I LOVE) drove me home so I didn't have to take the bus.

I am feeling like the proverbial camel who has had her back broken by one too many FREAKIN' proverbial straws. I have to eat. I am aware of this. Food is important because of the whole nutrition aspect and all. But the constant running back and forth to the bathroom every five minutes (that might be a slight exaggeration) is wearing on me.

Please God, could we start the New Year now? Maybe a do-over for me? How about a new Commandment - Dana shalt not be horrifically embarrassed by her bodily functions ever again? Is that too much to ask?

Beth, please forgive me but I will not be going to karaoke tonight. There's no way. I just can't handle this anymore. I am hoping against all hope to finally be over with this stupid freakin' plague I've been attacked with to be able to spend a worry-free evening on Sunday.

A Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
Fell in love. Really and truly. Not fake infatuation crap. The fact that it's unrequieted just makes it even more fun and exciting. I know. It's sad. But it works, in its own little twisted way. I adore him, he's a great friend and neither of us would have the slightest idea to make a relationship work.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year. I'm not planning on it for this year. Well, that's not true. I'm going to ask Deb about the lap band. I'm not sure that it'll go any farther than that but I'm going to ask.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth or adopt?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. However, Eric's aunt Jo died on Friday which is sad.

5. What countries did you visit?
Canada.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
A receipt from the IRS saying that I've paid them. It's not going to happen but one can dream, right?

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 15, 2006. The day that I told James how I felt about him. And compared him to Batman. Adam West Batman. Good Lord, what was I thinking? Oh, right. I was drunk.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Moving to the counter. Getting to be the back-up Quality Assurance Monitor.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Fail? Me? Please. I like to think of them as unexpected pit stops on the road of life. I would have to say that it would be completely screwing up my checkbook twice and ending up in major debt. Extreme debt. I'm sort of coming out of it but I'm still getting a lot of calls from creditors.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Oh, yeah. Bronchitis is not our friend.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Does my new apartment count? I didn't buy it, I'm renting it but I love it.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Beth and Keem. Two of the greatest people ever. If not for them, I wouldn't be here.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A former friend who decided that he was going to completely cut himself out of our lives by telling a whole bunch of lies. It didn't really depress me, it just pissed me off.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Um, overdraft fees.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to Canada with Beth. Road trips are so awesome.

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
Whatever song Bryan comes up with on the weird half drum/half guitar like instrument that Beth and I gave him for Christmas.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
happier
b) thinner or fatter?
fatter
c) richer or poorer?
poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I don't know, actually. Getting rid of stuff before I moved, I suppose.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Getting sick. I hate being sick.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Well, it's after Christmas. Mainly I spent Christmas Eve with Eric, Kari and Josh at Rob and Betty's. Christmas Day I spent at home. Listening to Eddy meow because I'm not Keem.

21. Did you fall in love in 2006?
I admited I was in love in 2006. That was hard.

22. How many one-night stands?
Excuse me while I laugh hysterically. That would be a big fat zero. Not that I wish I would have had a one-night stand, exactly, but you know what I mean.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
HEROES! Lost, How I Met Your Mother and The Class as well.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I try very hard not to hate anyone. I don't hate the former friend I mentioned, I'm just glad he's no longer in my life.

25. What was the best book you read?
Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman's Good Omens. Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper (even though it made me cry horribly). There are too many to list.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Ok Go. I love them.

27. What did you want and get?
To kiss James. Granted, I was really drunk at the time but I can still summon the tingle I felt in my lips.

28. What did you want and not get?
You know, I don't know. I don't think I really want for anything. I've got good friends, a great apartment, a good job and wonderful happy pills. Life is pretty great.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I can't say that I had a favorite. I really liked Superman Returns. I can't think of what else I saw, other than X-Men 3. I pretty much like every movie I've ever seen, except for two.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Spent it with Beth. Went to the Chalet. Got a card from James.

Obviously I was repressing about my age. I was 39. Sigh.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I don't think I really am lacking anything. Even my unrequieted love works for me. I'm not good at relationships at all and, as weird as it seems, it's nice to know that I love him. As frustrating as it may be to know that he's quite possibly the most perfect guy in the world for me, in the long run, I'm better off not dwelling over what might be and concentrating on what a great friend he is. Of course, this will change when I see him again and fall all over for that stupid goofy smile of his and then I will want to smack him across the forehead for not recognizing my greatness.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Fashion? What is this fashion you speak of? Right now I'm sitting here in my oversized linty black shirt that I managed to spill ketchup on, with my graying hair that I'm too lazy to dye myself and which I hacked my bangs off. I am a fashion nightmare. Not that I care. Oh. I guess that's my fashion concept. I don't care.

33. What kept you sane?
Beth. Keem. Effexor and Seraquel

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I fell half in love with Hiro on Heroes. More with the character than the guy that plays him but Masi Oka is pretty damn cute.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Stupid people voting against gay marriage. Again.

36. Who did you miss?
Johnny. I really want to see her again. I really want to be in Portugal.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Diana. Well, meeting her in real life.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006:
Don't stop taking your Happy Pills! They're there for a reason (yes, as I type this, I have run out of them but I see Deb on January 2nd and Effexor takes forever to leave your system).

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Either "It’s no dream; we can live the world anew" or "Invincible oh oh oh
So please use your powers for good. Please use your powers for good." The first song is by Jim Broggia - Live the Proof (discovered on Pandora). The second song is from Ok Go.

Merry Christmas

Hello, all. I hope you're all having Happy Holidays. I'm at home right now, listening to my cat meow like crazy because I am not Keem. He seems especially whiny now which I think is because of the move and that he's not feeling 100% like the cherished and adored cat he is. Oh, well, tomorrow Keem will return and he will relax and things will go back to normal. Meaning he will ignore me and follow her around as though she is his connection to oxygen.

Kari picked me up on Saturday and took me to Urgent Care where I learned that I had (surprise!) Bronchitis. I was given two prescriptions, one for Zithromax and another for Albuterol because my inhaler has pretty much died. I've not been able to fill the Albuterol prescription. Target wanted $25 for it because they didn't have my usual prescription. To this I said "No way!" and told Kari I would be fine as long as I didn't do anything strenuous. "What's strenuous?" she asked, watching me slump over the shopping cart, trying to concentrate on "Just put one foot in front of the other!" "I'll be fine," I said again. "As long as I don't walk. Or breathe too hard."

I was at her house since then, except for a trip to Rob and Betty's last night. I was supposed to go to Eric's mom's house today but I'm just feeling too weak and tired to really deal with people right now. Eddy and I are going to go and get something to eat and then I'm going to go take a nap before Eric has to come back tonight with my bag from SA that I left in the car. Whoops.

I hope you're all having fun. Love to all.

Oh my golly, have a holly jolly meme I've never seen before

Found this at Robert~Marlene's blog. Been too long since I've been over his way. So nice to have hi-speed Internet so I can visit more often!

Explain what ended your last relationship? Um. Let me think. Oh, I suppose it might have been him* saying to me, a week before we moved in together, that we should just be friends. And even though we still had a "relationship" (in other words, we had sex once a week on Sundays. I don't know why Sundays. I think it was because it was the only day off we had together) for awhile, it pretty much ended when he started dating this busty and incredibly stupid woman. She was welcome to him. He was a nice enough guy but he was extremely condescending at times.

*The link doesn't really have anything to do with him - it's just the only post I remember ever writing about the guy.

When was the last time you shaved? I think it was on Monday. Tuesday was a business casual day and I needed to wear a skirt.

What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? At work. Answering calls. Oh, the excitement.

What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Reading Robert~Marlene's blog. Were you not paying attention?

Are you any good at math? Pfft. No. I can add, sort of, I can even multiply (preferably with calculator. I'm better at subtraction and division (not long!) but fractions can throw me for a complete loop. Let's not talk about algebra, okay? I sometimes have nightmares about algebra.

Your prom night, what do you remember about it? Hmm. Let's see. I was dating Mark then (my first boyfriend, he of the comic book addiction and life of crime stealing road signs) and we decided not to go to Prom. Instead I had sex for the second time in my life, in the back seat of an Omni (NOT recommended. Omni's are horribly small little hatchbacks. The rest is detailed in the popular Green Duckies story - The Tale of the Blue Stiffy.

Do you have any famous ancestors? Yes, I do. There's an Edmund Vittum who wrote several books, including one called The Vittum Folks. There is also Harriet Vittum who was a famous lawyer. And there's some Belgium violinist with the last name Vieuxtemps who is also a relative (pretty much anyone with the last name Vittum or Vieuxtemps is related to me).

Have you had to take a loan out for school? No. I got a Pell Grant.

Last thing received in the mail? My cable bill. I'm really irritated with them because I still have not had my installation waived. And is it really worth it to have cable and hi-speed internet when it costs $120 a month? Possibly.

How many different beverages have you had today? Two. Water and Mountain Dew.

Do you ever leave messages on people’s answering machine? What would be the alternative? Whistling Dixie?

Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? Helen Reddy. I know. And, to quote Robert~Marlene "Oh, and by the way, it's 'To whom did you lose your concert virginity?'"

Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I just pretend I am making sand castles but really I'm just using it as an excuse to dig a lot of holes.

What’s the most painful dental procedure you’ve had? I have summed it up quite well here. The pain and horror of dealing with the UltraSonic Scaler. As a Pisces, I should have known anything to do with a scaler is bad.

What is out your back door? I don't have a back door. Unless you count the door leading to the parking ramp.

Any plans for Friday night? No. It's Friday right now. Mainly I'll be listening to my cat meow a lot because I'm not Keem. Perhaps I will have a cookie.

Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? I don't get this question. What makes the ocean so much different than swimming in a pool or a lake?

Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? I used to work for a Kandy Shoppe and may have even bought one of these tins. They are fairly annoying, actually.

Have you ever been to a planetarium? I believe so. I think there is one here in Minnesota. I seem to remember a lot of stars on the ceiling. I may have been rather young but I remember it was cool.

Do you re-use towels after you shower? I do. I hate laundry.

Some things you are excited about? Christmas. Going to karaoke on New Year's Eve. Having a 3 day weekend two weeks in a row.

What is your favorite flavor of JELL-O? I'm not overly fond of JELL-O. I suppose I like orange. I'm more of a fan of JELL-O pudding.

Describe your keychain(s)? One Batman figurine, one Serenity key-chain, two Sharpies that Beth's mom gave me (Beth's mom rocks). One key.

Where do you keep your change? In my purse until I feed it to Pig. Pig likes change. Then I rob Pig when I am tired and need Mountain Dew.

When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? Um, no clue. I sing in front of large groups of people (well, no, not really).

What kind of winter coat do you own? It is faux leather. It used to be Keem's. It has a hood and these weird hanging things that have, in less than 5 minutes, got stuck on the garbage bag thingy in Keem's car and then, after I finally released myself, got shut in the car door.

What was the weather like on your graduation day? That was in 1985. I'm pretty sure that it had to have been raining because graduation took place in the gym.

Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? Partially closed. I sleep in the nude but Eddy needs to get inside to use the litter box.

Wasn't that fun? I do love the memes. And here is a shiny blogthing for you all.

You Are a Yule Log

While you do have holiday spirit, you have a secret, heathen past.

What Holiday Food Are You?

This post is brought to you by the letter "Q"

I was reading Udge’s blog today and every time I left a comment, the word verification thingy would have “Q’s” in it. Now, you might be wondering why I would notice “Q’s” and it is very simple. I like them. They remind me of Star Trek: TNG and the nickname for myself that one of the managers at the NABABNA phone center came up for me – QotU (which is Queen of the Universe). “Q’s” are happy letters. At least they make me happy. They are sort of like BALLOONS! to me. They are vaguely BALLOONS! shaped when you think about it.

Because “Q’s” make me happy and I could use some happiness (nothing’s majorly* wrong, I’m just sick of being sick and almost hacked up a ton of Mountain Dew this morning because some moron decided today would be the perfect day to drill holes in the counter and the dust was horrible and I couldn’t breathe and my inhaler is pretty much empty and then I started thinking about The Hand That Rocks the Cradle and that really bad scene where that lady almost dies because Rebecca DeMornay has gone psycho and is blaming her for her husband’s death (who is played by John DeLancie by the way who played Q on Star Trek: TNG which is kind of cool when you think about it because my mind goes in these weird looping circles but always comes back together) and then I kind of freaked and I started coughing and then had to walk away from the counter and hide out in the bathroom for awhile), I’ve decided to bring you a list of some of my favorite “Q’s.”

*Did you know that majorly technically is not a word? Spell Check rejects it and I had to check Dictionary.com to make sure I wasn’t losing my mind. Apparently it is slang and got its start between 1980-1985. Boy, can I date myself. Between this and rockin’ I just scream “Hey, I graduated in ’85!”

Anyway, without further ado, I bring you a list of “Q” words that make me happy:

Actually, sorry, I need to let you know that today’s word of the day is “flibbertigibbet” and I love that word. It’s so cute. Okay. Let’s carry on. No more distractions. I promise.

Please. You believed me? No more distractions? No, I now bring you a conversation between Co-worker John, Co-worker Rykken and myself:

DM: We have a Thesaurus (up at the counter (which I just discovered this morning)). Do we have a dictionary?
Co-worker John: I don’t think so.
DM: But I need a dictionary. I need a list of “Q” words.
Co-worker Rykken: Why?
DM: Because I am doing a post on my favorite “Q” words.
Co-worker Rykken (Laughing): Well, if they’re your favorite “Q” words, why do you need a dictionary? Shouldn’t you know what they are?
DM: See, I knew you’d get logical on me. I need to look at them and be reminded which ones are my favorite.

Co-worker John does not try to be logical (he has learned it doesn’t work, especially since I just accused him of conspiring with Beth about chicken) but starts listing off “Q” words. Rykken does as well.

Co-worker Rykken: Queen.
DM: Well, of course I love that word.
Co-worker Rykken: Queue.
DM: I love that word. It is very cool.
Co-worker Rykken: Yes. It is one of my favorites as well. But you have to wonder why there is the extra “UE?” It doesn’t make any sense.
DM: I know! That’s part of the fun.
Co-worker Rykken: Exactly.

So there are times when Co-worker Rykken and I do see eye to eye. Well, not really, since he is very tall (and bearded. I love the beard. I refrain from telling him that, though. I don’t want to scare him. I already told him he was very rugged and lumber-jacky once) but close enough.

Okay. Favorite “Q” words. Here we go.

Quack – Well, of course. How could I not love it? Ducks quack. I like ducks. I like rubber duckies. And green duckies. And real ducks, of course. In fact, I’m pretty much fond of all birds. Except vultures. They’re not that cute. And I doubt very much that they chirp.

Quaint – It’s just a sweet way of saying odd, don’t you think?

Quite – I like it because adding it to a phrase makes you sound somewhat British. And we all know what an Anglophile I am.

Quartet – I am a secret fan of Barbershop Quartets. I love four part harmony. Oh, let’s face it; I love all harmony, mainly because I couldn’t harmonize if my life depended on it. It’s kind of like winking.

Quantum – Only because it reminds me of Quantum Leap and all that Scott Bakula/Dean Stockwell goodness.

Quash – Because it is like thwack – a word that sounds like what it means. Onomatopoeia is a stupid word for something I adore. Mainly because I don’t know how to spell it half the time.

Queer – But I only like it when it means bizarre or curious or eccentric or oddball or outlandish or peculiar (hmm, can you guess that I pressed the Thesaurus into duty?). I do not like any other meaning that people may have put upon it. Which is one of the reasons why I don’t use it very often.

Quell – CRUSH! Annihilate, squash, suppress! Onomatopoeia strikes again! I quell the forces of evil with just one look! My God, I am a dork.

Quick – For some reason, every time I have to do a rush, I also say “Quick like bunny (but more like “queek”). I do not know why this is. No one seems to know why this is. It drives me nuts but it is so much fun to say.

Quip – Because they are funny. I like the funny.

Quagna – Just because he was hot and it was a pretty damn funny story.

Quizzical – It has a “Q” and a “Z.” Did I mention I like “Z’s?” Because I do. Not so much words that start with “Z’s” but words that have “Z’s” in them. Like quizzical and pizza and bizarre.

That is pretty much it. No, I’m not desperate for posting ideas at all. Why do you ask?

Do you have favorite “Q” words? Or is there a letter of the alphabet that you are fonder of then the others?

And just because it made me laugh:

Your Pickup Line Is

Do you have a Bandaid? Cos I just scraped my knee falling for you.

The Magical Pick Up Line Generator

No one asked me if I was dreaming about a White Christmas

ARGH! It's snowing! Big gigantic fluffy flakes that are really kind of cute but that is so not the point. The point is, I was enjoying our strangely warm Christmas season (well, 34 degrees is warm for this time of year). I liked the fact that I didn't have to tromp through snow or start wearing shoes with a better grip on the soles.

And the worst part of all is that I have a desk with a window now and we can't take pictures at work. It is killing me to watch the snow fall and not start snapping away.

Hey, when I promised a post about not being sick, no one said it couldn't be a meme

This is the one via Ruth which I gleefully stole from Beth:

Favorite seasonal movie? – How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the original one, mind you), It’s a Wonderful Life
Song you most enjoy this time of year? – O Holy Night (preferably NOT the Josh Groban one, he doesn’t do it justice), Silent Night and I’m also quite fond of the Heat Miser/Snow Miser songs
Decorate, inside? Outside? – I’m really not a decorator myself. We live in an apartment so it is a bit difficult to decorate outside. I have put my trio of holiday rubber duckies in my bathroom. Next to my Santa Frog.
Do you make a list? If so, how many people are on it? – A list would indicate that I am organized. I am not organized.
How up to the last minute do you shop? – I am sometimes still shopping after Christmas, depending on when the person and I get together to exchange gifts.
When do you open your gifts? – Whenever I get the chance. I can be sneaky. I used to open presents long before Christmas, being careful to not rip the paper. Mom caught on and started using way too much tape so I couldn’t open the presents.
Holiday food you most savor? – I would kill for Slacie Klace, if I knew how to spell it or make it. It is a very German recipe and I haven’t had it since my Grandmother died.
Favorite holiday book? – I could be really annoying and say it is the Bible but I would be lying (plus, in the move, I may have accidentally thrown my Bibles away (I am so going to Hell but they reminded me of unpleasant people and I don’t need the memories)). If pressed, I would probably say How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
New Year Resolutions? – Um, yeah. What’s the point? I’m going to break them. Although I did keep the following New Year’s Resolution – in 1990, I vowed to kiss every guy at the party I was at. In 2005, I vowed not to kill anyone.

Added questions:
Wrapping paper or gift bags? – Please. Gift bags. I am all about the convenience. One year I ended up doing decorative gift boxes because it was easier than gift bags.
Real tree or artificial? – I’m allergic to real.
When do you put up the tree? – Whenever Keem decides. This year we’re not putting one up. No biggie. She’s thinking we might go for a tabletop next year. Not a bad idea considering we don’t have any room for a tree.
Do you like eggnog? – Blech. I like the idea of eggnog. I just can’t stand the taste of it.
Favorite gift received as a child? – Books, books and more books. It was awesome. I don’t know where she got them but my Mom gave me something like 20 books, including the first Trixie Belden book.
Do you have a nativity scene? – Somewhere. It’s made out of Quartz. Or some sort of crystal thing. It’s kind of tacky but cute.
Hardest person to buy for? – Oh, that’s easy. Beth. We have completely different tastes and she is less likely to be fascinated by a pop-up map of the Twin Cities.
Easiest person to buy for? – Kari. She tells me what she wants, I give her money and she goes and picks it up.
Worst Christmas gift you ever received? – Last night, when shopping with Beth, we had the following conversation:

DM: I don’t think I can think of a Christmas present I ever received that I didn’t like.

Brief pause.

DM: Oh, wait, yes, I can.
Beth: Was it an El Camino model that you have to put together?
DM: Yes, it was. Please. Did the guy* know me at all? You know what the difference between him and you are? You would never buy me a model El Camino.
Beth: No, I’d probably drive you around and have your picture taken with various El Caminos.
DM: Yeah! That would be so cool. Or you would put the stupid model together for me and paint it orange, like you know I want my future one to be.

*Adam. And no, he didn’t know me at all. He also once gave me an urn. Granted, the urn has pandas on it and I like pandas but I still keep looking at it and wondering whose ashes I’m going to put into it.

Mail or email Christmas cards? – Um, yeah, I forget to do either. I’m thinking about doing a Christmas letter one of these years. Just for the heck of it. I promise not to be totally smarmy.
When do you start Christmas shopping? – Last paycheck before Christmas.
Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? – Not technically. Recycling indicates that the person doesn’t know it was given to you previously. I usually will say “Hey, I got this and I have no use for it. Want it?”
Clear lights or colored on the tree? – Don’t do the decoration but I am all about the colors. Multiple colors. Bright. Shiny. Yay!
Travel at Christmas or stay home? – Where would I go?
Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? – Um, you know Dasher and Dancer and Comet and Cupid. Somebody and somebody and Donner and somebody else. I think that would be a no. Wasn’t one of them named Bashful?
Angel or Star on the tree top? – You know, if I keep asking Keem these questions, she’s going to hurt me. The correct answer would be “How the heck do I know? I don’t pay attention to these things.”
Most annoying thing about this time of year? – People. People in their shoving, pushing, annoying, let’s forget the whole reason behind Christmas in our need to outdo everything we did last year, cranky, grumpy way. Did I ever mention that I spent 10 years working in the mall at Christmas? Yeah, not a big fan of the shopping this time of year.

There's nothing quite like that new desk smell

Do desks actually have a smell? If they did, would I be able to smell it? Probably not, a bit stuffy right now.

I am back at work. You can tell this because I was actually able to get into Blogger today without resorting to setting up a new blog just to get to the stupid dashboard. I don't know why it won't pull up the login screen.

I have moved desks. I moved very far, one whole desk. On Thursday, since I was busy hacking up a lung (or two), Cheryl (my incredibly wonderful and cool boss) let me pack up my old desk into 6 boxes (6! Six! How is it possible for me to have 6 boxes of stuff? That is just so wrong) so I'd be ready on Monday. Why I thought I would actually have time to work on a Monday is beyond me.

My new desk is right next to the window so I get to stare out at the Subway parking lot. Although I am right next to a tree and sometimes birds hang out in the tree and they chirp. A lot. Which makes me happy because I like birds. Especially those that chirp.

There's this product called Shower Soothers and it had this new exciting vanilla mint scent so I decided to buy it. Yeah. There's a problem with this. I can't smell the soothing vapors unless I hold the tablet right up to my nose. That would not work very well. Very difficult to shower that way, plus, according to the label, it heats up when it comes into contact with water. You know what my luck is like. I would end up with 3rd degree burns on my nose.

I have discovered another product that actually seems to work - Tylenol Severe Cold something or another and I love it. The only complaint that I might have is that it makes me a little goofy. Okay, okay, goofier. Several times Keem has said something that is slightly funny and I burst into this hysterical raspy laughter that almost has me falling over. Apparently I am scaring her.

Um, doctor. Yeah. I do have an appointment. Granted, it is for the 2nd but still, it is an appointment. Deb is on vacation and I also have to take an entire day off just to go to the doctor because of the stupid bus route. Otherwise, I talk Kari into taking me (which she is doing on the 2nd). I'm slightly paranoid about seeing doctors other than Deb, mainly because the other doctors in her office are trying to kill me. I'm serious. The last time I went to Urgent Care, I was given cough syrup with Codiene. I stopped breathing during the night. Not exactly what they had in mind. The other time, one of them gave me Biaxin which makes it feel as though someone is taking a very rusty spoon and using it to cut out my stomach. Very slowly.

I did manage to make the cookies. I found this awesome recipe for Israeli Rugelach which I adore. At least I'm pretty sure that I've had them before. I just want to let you know that, while it does say the cookies are supposed to be sliced into wedges and then rolled, this is impossible. The dough keeps breaking and then there is cinnamon and mini chocolate chips everywhere. It's quite sad, actually. There is probably some secret hand rolling technique passed down from generation to generation that I missed out on, quite possibly because I found this recipe on the web (my family doesn't have a cookie tradition. We have a really heavy potato stuffing-like thing tradition). The cookies are are little different looking. I finally gave up and said "Screw you, Cookies." I just laid the dough flat, tossed the filling over it and cut it into bars after they finished cooking. I am quite possibly the only person in this world who can be thwarted by cookies.

Anyway, I'm feeling somewhat better. Thanks for all of your well wishes, I appreciate it. I promise to do a post about something non-illness related soon.

There's no place like home for the holidays

And that's where I'm going to be staying for some time.

Not to completely gross you all out but I think I have moved from bronchitis to pneumonia to some form of the black plague.

Keem has been exorting me to "cough it out," to get rid of the crap that has invaded my lungs. She may have regretted this yesterday.

After she got home, we sat down in the living room to watch a show. She was telling me about her day and I wanted to spend sometime in a room that was not either my bedroom or the bathroom.

Keem: And then I got to be on the Help Desk...
DM: Hold that thought. I'll be right back.

Fifteen minutes later, I am back on the couch. Freshly showered (I'm not going into much detail here, okay? Figure out why I would have had to take a shower) and ready to hear the rest of her story.

DM: Okay.
Keem: Cheryl was asking me to help her out with a project.
DM: Um, yeah. I'll be back.

This repeated for about an hour.

The nice thing about having a DVR is it is really easy to pause things when the person you're viewing the show with has to keep running off to the bathroom every fifteen minutes or so.

Finally, we finished watching the show and it was time for bed. The only way I've been able to sleep is if I take a 100 mg tablet of Seroquel. It knocks me out for about four hours and then I cough.

As I was taking my pill, I had to go to the bathroom again. Oh, yay.

And then I started coughing.

Keem: Are you okay?
DM: Cough. Cough cough cough. Cough. Haaaaaaccck. Gaaaaaaaggggg.
Keem: That didn't sound good.
DM: Yeah. You know how you keep telling me to cough that crap up?
Keem: Yeah?
DM: I just did.
Keem: That's good.
DM: No. No, it's not. I coughed it up on me.
Keem: What? Oh. Eew.
DM: Uh, yeah.

There's a scene in Ghost Busters that quite perfectly sums up this entire moment for me. Peter Venkman (aptly played by Bill Murray) comes across the green ghost/slime creature thing. It gets him. As he's standing there, his co-workers show up and Peter says, in just the right tone, "He slimed me." If you haven't seen this movie, of course, this will make absolutely no sense to you. But I slimed myself. It was, in a word, horrific.

I am alternating between the slime, coughing up the mucus that has invaded my lungs (and quite possibly pieces of my lungs), running to the bathroom constantly with other issues (and having to shower a lot) and I didn't think it could get any worse. But it can. Oh, believe me, it can!

Today I coughed so hard that I ended up, um, how do I put this tactfully? Well, let's say this. I am considering wearing a diaper. Or maybe some Depends. They were good enough for June Allyson. The sad thing about this is that it happened more than once.

I'm supposed to do laundry, I have Christmas presents to buy and cookies to bake and I don't know when I'm going to accomplish this. If it gets any worse, I'm going to have to have Keem take me to the Emergency Room.

This is the worst that I have felt in a long time. The last time was probably after I got back from Mexico. That was fun, being out of work for three weeks.

Beth, I'm very sorry and I wish it could be different but I am not going to be able to go to karaoke tomorrow night. At this point, I don't know if I'm going to go anywhere again.

Anyway, if you could all say a prayer or light a candle or maybe think some kind thoughts or rub a Buddha's belly or the spiritual gesture of your choice, I would really, really appreciate it.

Got to go, Keem is getting tired of me coughing on the computer. I am supposed to go to bed like a good Dana. Love to you all.

Silent Night (hack, hack)

Yeah, I'm getting desperate for titles.

In the last few days, I've felt that my body suddenly decided to have a party and didn't tell me about it. I can almost hear the hilarious sitcom like activity.

Stomach: Hey! Let's have a party!
Lungs: Okay. That sounds like fun.
Brain: Do you think we should let Dana know about this?
Stomach: No. You know how she gets. She's still mad at me for the time I was acting up and she had to drink that chalky antacid for a month. Remember how the doctor threatened to shove a camera down Throat? She was terrified. Hee!
Throat: Yeah, you laugh but believe me, I would have had my revenge.
Brain: Guys. That was 20 odd years ago. Let's not rehash this again.
Lungs: I'll send out the invitations.
Stomach: Oh, I got a better idea. Let's just post flyers all around town.
Brain: But, um, don't you think it might be a better idea to stick to a guest list?
Lungs: Brain, you're so boring. Guest lists are so 90's. Party hearty, dude.
Brain: Oh, yes, you're so hip. I wash my hands of you.
Hands: Don't tell us what to do, Brain. We'll wash ourselves when we are good and ready. And forget that antibacterial stuff you're always telling us to use. It's so boring.

A few minutes later.

Lungs: Hey, dudes, come on in. The party's just getting started. And I don't care that you're complete strangers and look a little shifty.
Airborne Germs: Don't mind if we do. Hey, get a good whiff of my new cologne.
Lungs: Oh, hey, that's really great...cough. Hack. Cough. What do you call that?
Airborne Germs: Oh, it's a knockoff version of the bubonic plague. It's called Minnesota Misery.
Lungs: It's nice...haaaaaaack. Cooooouuuugh. Oh, I'm sorry. That's just nasty. I wonder how that happened.
Airborne Germs: Don't ask us. We're going to go visit the rest of the body now.
Stomach: Woo-hoo! New party-goers! I'm so excited to see you!
Airborne Germs: Hey, we brought you a party gift.
Stomach: Oh, thanks! It's...lovely. What is it?
Airborne Germs: A ticket to non-stop partying action in the bathroom of your choice!
Stomach: Wow! That's awesome...um, excuse me, I need to just exit quickly here.
Airborne Germs: No problem! We'll just hang around and get to know everyone here! It's great!
Brain: Intruders! Intruders! OUT, you damn spots that I'm seeing flash before my eyes. Why am I so dizzy? I'm just spinning around and around and I can't focus on anything. Aren't I supposed to be doing a job right now? Maybe help these people who keep on calling me? I think I'm going to go take a nap for a couple of days.

If you haven't guessed, yes, the bronchitis is back. And it is in my lungs and stomach and my brain doesn't work anymore and my God, I hate this. No one should have to live like this. I can't even use my CPAP because my stupid nose is so clogged up that I can't breathe. Breathing is important. Just in case you were wondering.

I am waiting for the bus to come, another 20 minutes and I will be on my way home. And to my bed where I'm not leaving for the next few days. Thankfully, my wonderful awesome boss whom I adore figured out that I have a day of PTO left. I don't know where it was hiding but I am taking it. I had 3 hours of overtime that is now being put towards standard hours and I stayed from 7 to 12:20 today (it was going to be noon but a customer came in at the last minute and I had to help them).

I know I am not dying, not really, but it sure feels like it. I hate this. Adios, amigos. Know that I'll be thinking of you. I'll catch up on you all next week.

Memories of bronchitis past

In my last post, I mentioned in the comments that my recent nose bleed had triggered a few memories and I have a story to tell you.

Let's go back in time, my friends, to the late 1980's or early 1990's, when our heroine (that would be me, in case there are any doubts) worked in the Maplewood Mall (to be known as "the mall" from now on) for a company called Taco Bell. The mall had done some remodeling and the food court was being moved from the strange circular area in the middle of the mall to a new, state of the art food court off of one of the department store wings. The old food court, by the way, was mentioned in a post I did in December 2004 and it was very funny and it is somewhat Christmas related and yes, I am begging you all to read it. I have no shame.

Anyway, one of the absolutely spectacular things about living in Minnesota is the awesome bronchitis that I got every single year. And, no, it wasn't because I smoked approximately a pack of cigarettes a day, this was something I had been getting since I turned about 13. No clue why I was chosen to receive this wonderful gift but hey, who wants to look a gift bug in the mouth, right?

When you have bronchitis, one of the lovely benefits is that you can't sleep. This is because your lungs keep filling up with fluid and then you hack up a lung trying to get rid of the fluid. Believe me when I tell you it is gross. Plus you have to work because, hello, you work in fast food and fast food franchises are not exactly known for their wonderful health benefits and you have no time off so you are taking a lot of severe cold medicine (because you can't get the stuff you need because you don't have any health insurance as well) that makes you wired and a little goofy.

During this onset of bronchitis, I finally fell asleep at around midnight. And then I had this incredibly bizarre dream where my bedroom was in Taco Bell's store room and the owner of the restaurant was standing over my bed, yelling at me because I was daring to sleep instead of moving anything. And I looked at him and said "Dude. It's 3 in the morning. And you're in my bedroom. Back off." I wake up and look at the clock. It is 3 in the morning. I have to get up in 3 hours. Great. I manage to get maybe another hour of sleep.

The next night, I am sleeping. No odd dream this time. The odd dream would almost be welcomed because I would have been actually sleeping. But instead, the phone starts ringing. I stagger out to the living room, grab the phone and prepare for the worst. At 3 in the morning, phone calls do not usually bring good news.

Well, it's not bad news, exactly. What I am greeted with is the extremely drunk voice of my ex-boyfriend, Mark, who has called me to share some exciting information with me. Here is our call:

DM: Hello (groggy, sounding somewhat frog like)?
Mark: DANA! Hi!
DM: Hi (puzzled).
Mark: It's Mark! How are you doing?
DM: Uh, tired. Sick. Tired.
Mark: Guess what I did tonight?
DM: Uh...not sure I care.
Mark: I stole a stop sign!
DM: Really. How exciting (no inflection whatsoever here).
Mark: Yeah! It was great!
DM: Mark. Why are you calling me?
Mark: I thought you'd want to know.
DM: No. I want to go back to bed.
Mark: You don't want to hear about how I stole a stop sign and eluded capture from the police?
DM: Not really.
Mark: You’ve changed.
DM: If, by changed, you mean that, since I'm no longer dating you, I'm not pretending to be interested in everything you say, then yes, you're correct. I have changed. Good night.

Okay. I may not have said the last thing. I really don't remember anymore.

The third night, I woke up again at 3 in the morning. This time from the coughing. Oh, the coughing was so great. And my nose was stuffed up so I decided to blow it. This might have been a mistake. The next thing I know, I'm watching a ton of blood explode out of my nose. Not fun!

I run to the bathroom, trying to get it to stop. I try tipping my head back. I try the ice cube across the bridge of the nose. I try stuffing a roll of toilet paper up my nose (slight exaggeration but not by much). Nothing works. And then I'm suddenly coughing up blood. I freaked out. I run into my roommate Anya's bedroom and tell her I need help. She takes one look at my blood streaked face and decides to take me to the Emergency Room. She calls our friend Becky as well, completely freaking Becky out because her mother is dying of cancer and she thought that was the call to say "Hey, sorry, your Mom's dead."

Becky and Anya bundle me off to the ER where I don't have to wait too long. A nice nurse helps me get the nose bleed under control but decides I still need to speak to a doctor. I am okay with this. Until, of course, I actually meet said doctor.

Bitch Doctor (BD): What seems to be the problem here?
DM: My nose started bleeding and then I was coughing up blood and I can’t sleep and oh my God, I’m so tired and please help me, oh kind lady.
BD: Well, when you have a bloody nose, the blood runs down the back of your throat and into your stomach. So you’re just coughing up that blood. It’s nothing serious. Didn’t you know that?

I do not respond for a moment since I am shocked at her tone. This woman needs to work on her bedside manner.

DM: Um, no.
BD: Well, it’s not serious. You just have bronchitis. I can’t believe you didn’t know that.
DM: I knew I had bronchitis…
BD: No. I mean about the blood. You need to take these pills and get some rest. Don’t go to work for 3 days.
DM: Okay.
BD: Now get out of my emergency room and let me help people who have serious problems.*

*Okay, no, she really didn’t say that but that is sure how she made me feel.

I meet Becky and Anya in the waiting room. It is now about 4:30. Both of them have to get up in less than two hours. I am feeling somewhat guilty about this. It’s decided that we should go get some breakfast. I’m supposed to take the pills on a full stomach but the doctor didn’t mention that. The nurse was the one that told me this and suggested I get something to eat right away.

Becky, Anya and I end up at Arby’s. They’re open 24 hours. Right now they are having a promotion – spend so much money and you can receive either a Pound Puppy or a Pound Purry. I think you can predict what happened next.

DM: I want a Pound Purry! I want a Pound Purry!
Anya: Okay, okay. Just calm down.

The Pound Purry is placed into my hands. He is orangeish and quite adorable.

DM: He needs to have a name. What should I name him? Hmm? Name, name, name. Oh! I know! I’ll name him Captain Kitty!
Becky: Captain Kitty? Why?
DM: Like Captain Caveman! I love Captain Caveman!

Captain Kitty is then propelled by me to swoop around the back seat.

DM: Swoop! Swoop! Captain Kitty to the rescue!
Becky: If Captain Kitty doesn’t sit down and shut up, he’s being tossed out the window.
DM: Gasp!

I’m not sure if it was the blood loss or the pills or maybe the combination of both but I started to get a little goofy. I think the expression “bouncing off the walls” would work well here.

DM: And then I did this and I did that and I have been so tired and I really feel quite well now and I like these pills a lot and isn’t my Pound Purry so cute and I can’t believe I have to take 3 days off and…
Anya: You. Shut up. Now. My God, do you ever quit talking?

Apparently my newfound energy was not welcome, especially since, when I was brought home, Anya’s alarm clock was ringing. I was told to stay in bed and there was to be no smoking! If I was very good, perhaps I could get up later and watch television.

It took forever for me to calm down enough to sleep but finally it happened. And then, there is a knock at the door. It's about noon, I've managed to get maybe two hours sleep, I've lost blood and I'm very sick and my brain is not working at all. What's the best thing that could possibly be waiting on my door step? Yes! A kid trying to sell magazine subscriptions. Great. I have a hard enough time resisting them when I'm on top of my game.

I try very hard to say no, the kid keeps pushing me. I even tell him that I really can't make a decision right now because I just came back from the hospital and need to recuperate. His response? I can read magazines while I get better. I came very close to giving in but then my hero showed up. Darrel, Becky's fiance, had been sent to check up on me. He quickly sent the kid on his way and ushered me inside where he broke Becky's no smoking rule and gave me a cigarette or two. Bless him.

Anyway, long story short (too late), I finally got better, the bronchitis returned every year until about 3 or 4 years ago, when my doctor Deb (not a Bitch Doctor at all) told me I needed to quit smoking or I was going to die very soon (asthma, cigarettes and bronchitis do not go together well). I managed to quit (what a horrible experience that was!) for about six months to a year and then started sneaking cigarettes again. Now I only smoke when I go to karaoke. Deb is okay with this as long as it doesn't start screwing with my lungs again (plus I was smoking over a pack a day and have gone to maybe a pack a week).

This story has been on my mind since Friday (what with the nose bleed and everything) but also because I can feel the dreaded bronchitis return. I wasn't able to go to karaoke on Sunday because of the coughing fit that turned into vomiting up lunch. I had to ask for projects today because I can't concentrate on the phone since I'm not sleeping (coughing through the night, of course) or I start coughing during the call and have to put people on mute. I'm alternating between too hot or too cold. Oh, and my ribs hurt. From the coughing. And I hate this. I hate being sick. I hate knowing that I have to get through this somehow because I definitely don't have any PTO left over and can't afford to take a few days off to recuperate. And do you know how sick I am of Orange Pineapple juice (64 ounces is a lot to drink in one morning)?

I think I am done whining now. I hope you're all having a better day than I am. Love to all.

Reason #453 why I hate winter

Dry air. Dry, freakin' air. And static caused by the dryness. I hate it. I hate the insides of my nose feeling like a Triscuit (thanks for the description, Beth!), I hate not being able to touch anything metal without getting shocked, I hate the fact that my cat is finally coming to me for attention in the morning and I keep getting little jolts every time I pet him.

But the worst thing about the dry air? Waking up this morning and getting a bloody nose. There's nothing like standing in your bathroom and watching the blood stream out of your nose, splash all over your neck and breasts* and plop, plop, plop in the sink. Looked like a CSI: episode by the time it was done.

*What? I sleep in the nude. Good thing too, otherwise that would result in additional laundry. After doing 5 loads last weekend, I'm avoiding it for a little while.

O Memey Meme, the memes were brightly memeing

Welcome to the 2006 Holiday* Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends! You know the drill. Don't be a Scrooge McDuck!!!

*Yeah, they say holiday but this is all about Christmas. Not a Hanakkuh or Kwaanza question in the bunch. I apologize for this meme's obvious bias. But I was bored.

1. Eggnog or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate. Eggnog is disgusting. Although I do like the smell of it.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just put them under the tree? He wraps them.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? I don’t know. Keem does the decorating. I think it’s colored lights on the tree.

4. Do you hang mistletoe? No but hmm, maybe I should start doing that. Especially at the Chalet.

5. When do you put your decorations up? I don’t. I like to be surprised. Keem puts up the tree and I take pictures of Eddy helping her.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? I’m not sure of the spelling and I haven’t had it in years but it is Slacie Klase and it is this very heavy German dish made out of potatoes that sits at the bottom of your stomach like a rock but is so worth being really uncomfortable right after you eat.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Sneaking up on my mom in the basement and seeing her wrap tons and tons of books as a present for me. Going to my Grandmother’s house for Christmas.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? What are you insinuating here? What truth about Santa? He’s not an axe murderer, is he?

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? We always got to open one gift as kids. Now I go to two celebrations, Eric’s Dad’s house on Christmas Eve and Eric’s Mom’s house on Christmas Day.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? I don’t. Keem does. I think it has blue stuff on it. And lights. Maybe a garland or two.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? I have mixed feelings about snow. I can handle a little bit of it, especially if it is fluffy. But I can’t stand the really wet, thick stuff that makes everyone tense about driving.

12. Can you ice skate? I haven’t been on ice skates in at least 25 years. The correct answer is no.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? I’ve got some awesome gifts over the years – my barrister bookshelf from Mom and Kari, wonderful presents at the Sheepsheadian Gift Exchanges but the best present would be Panda. My Grandmother gave him to me when I was 7 and he’s going to be 32 this year. Right now he’s been skinned and is hanging in my shower, waiting for new stuffing and to be sewed in some places.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? I want to say presents but that’s just wrong (but I really like presents) so I’ll say getting together with family and friends and watching Josh’s excitement and interpretive dances (he’s so my nephew).

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? Pecan Pie, baby. Bring it on. I am also fond of Cinnamon ice cream with some sort of apple thing.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? I don’t really have one. Since Kari’s the only close relative I have here, I just go where she tells me I’m going. I will say that I’m very fond of the Swedish meatballs that Rob makes for Christmas Eve. Yum.

17. What tops your tree? Again with the tree questions? Do you not pay attention? I don’t do the decorating.

18. Which do you prefer - giving or receiving? I am equally fond of both. Receiving is awesome but it is also a lot of fun to come up with theme gifts for Beth and Keem. Not that I have any clue what my theme is this year.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Silent Night (Franz Gruber is my many great uncle by marriage), O Holy Night (but I’m getting sick of Kool 108 only playing the Josh Groban version) and Blue Christmas (Hey, I love Elvis. Shup).

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? It’s not so much yum as it is fun to suck on the candy cane and make it into a point and then stab your sister with it (okay, we were young. And yes, we got into a lot of trouble. But no one put out an eye). I do like candy canes with hot chocolate, preferably with some peppermint schnapps added. Or butterscotch schnapps but you really can't put candy canes in that, it just tastes funny then.

This was fun. If you’re interested, try it yourself. I needed a new post.

My reaction to this was "Oh, great. That's just awesome." Why, yes, I was being sarcastic. How'd you know?

Your Birthdate: March 11

You may watch someone from afar before you finally decide to make your move. It takes a long time for you to develop an attraction to someone. Generally, you prefer to pick who you love. Anyone who tries to rush you is in for some heartache. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 1 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1 You are most compatible with people born on the 2nd, 11th, 20th, and 29th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

Hey, take another piece of my heart, you rat bastard*

*What Janis really meant.

I haven't seen him in approximately two weeks. I've done okay. I've gone whole minutes where I haven't pictured him in my mind, that stupid half smile that makes me weak. I've thought "Hey, I'm over this. Unrequited love sucks and I want nothing more to do with it so I'm going to be strong and forget about him. We're friends. I can handle this."

Yeah. Right.

He walks in the door and my heart leaps.

I ended up saying to him last night "You know, I love you but you're really irritating sometimes." And then had to cover it up by saying it was one of his little indiosyncracies instead of what I wanted to say which was "Hello! I'm right here! We're supposed to be together, you idiot! And please stop touching me because it makes me crazy and I just want to grab you and kiss you! ARGH!"

I'm trying to decide which is worse - the minute possiblity that something might work out or knowing that it never will. I think sitting next to him, adoring him as much as I do and knowing that he doesn't see me the same way I see him, is quite possibly the most painful thing I've ever experienced. Of course, it could be worse. He could live 25,000 miles away from me.

God, I just want to punch him sometimes.

And yet again, technology escapes me

Hello! I have shiny happy internet service now! Whoo!

Keem and I had the following conversation this morning.

Keem: I was talking to this guy about signing up for NABABNAonline.com and he wasn't able to do it so I said he probably had a problem with his internet service. And he laughed and said yes, probably, he has dial up. And then I laughed and said I used to have dial up. He said it religiously connects at 43k each time.
DM: We had that. We did. But now we have 6! Six! I have no idea what that is but I like it!
Keem: That would be 6 megabytes per second, Dana.
DM: I still don't know what that means but I don't care! Six!

Do you know what this means now, dear Internet? Do you? It means I'm going to be doing some major blog surfing in the next few days to come. Well, as soon as I get a modem for my room (the guy installing didn't have the actual work order because the other guy was running late so he only had one modem but Keem's computer works after I called Comcast and said "hey, it doesn't work" and he said "it's a problem with your network interface card" and I said "huh?" and he said "Try a usb cord" and I said "huh?" again and he suggested I have my roommate call (But he was really impressed at how fast I navigated the system to try all of the different problem solving options he had for me. As I explained, if it's software, I'm okay. Hardware confuses me).

Fortunately Keem knows these technical things and was able to install the usb cord today and now we have internet!

Yeah, and in case you think, okay, well, Dana, these are rather technical terms, it's okay that you don't know what they are, let me tell you about the five minutes it took me to figure out that the reason I didn't have a dial tone this morning was because, when I switched phones to hook up the cordless phone (for some reason we have only found one phone jack in the entire apartment), I kind of forgot to put the little phone cord thingy into the phone base. And yes, I have been known to tell my boss that my monitor wasn't working and have him come over and have him plug it in. Sigh.