Sad

We received an email today from our supreme commander (boss's boss's boss's boss) that one of my co-workers passed away. His name was Kelly and he was a sweet and funny man. I didn't know him that well (since he was up there in the high echelons of the company) but he always had a smile for me and would occasionally ask me if I was still going to karaoke (which was something that was brought up in my first "Welcome to NABABNA Stock Transfer" meeting four years ago).

I am leaving work early today because I started crying when talking to my boss (the awesome Cheryl). I'm crying now. I'm trying to stop but there's so many things piling up on me again. It's the end of the month so there was a lot of stress over getting all of my calls monitored. I updated 20 items in our Internal Library which took me all day. When I got the email, I started thinking about how I would feel if anything happened to Cheryl. And, of course, I keep forgetting to take my Effexor. Cheryl said she's going to add that to my job requirements. Maybe if my raise rides on it, I'll remember (yes, she's kidding).

Have a good night. Don't die. I hate it when people die.

On a lighter note, last night I opened up the mail box and was incredibly excited to see this:

I love www.despair.com with all my heart. Is that wrong?

Because it is important

I don't care who you vote for (well, okay, I do but I respect your right to make your own decision) but I do care that you vote.



Beth, I'm warning you right now Leonardo DeCaprio is in this video and he doesn't die. Don't watch the video. I know you're voting.

Would someone please tell me what the hell is up with Marshall's hair? Um, what's his real name? Uh, Jason Segal. That's it!

Found on the incomparable NPW's site.

Memey, memey meme

Found this here using the Little Black Box. I'm always in the mood for a new blog and a new meme! Thanks, Wanderlust Scarlett!

What are your initials? DMV

What is your favorite thing to wear? Well, I really hate clothing but recognize that it must be worn or I will get arrested so I'll say my red leather jacket.

Last thing you ate? Cold steak from Manny's. Best breakfast ever.

Name one thing that scares you: Clowns, vampires (except for Angel & Spike), escalators, glass elevators & President Palin

I say Shotgun, you say: Maybe you should drive since I don't have a license.

Who was the last person in your bed? I sleep alone, thank you very much.

What were you doing at 7:00 AM? Hitting the snooze alarm and petting Kalli.

Last person you hugged? Beth's mom last night.

Does anyone you know want to date you? Excuse me while I burst into hysterical laughter. That would be a no, in case you didn't get that.

When was your last encounter with the police? When Keem got a speeding ticket.

Have you ever driven without a license? Since I've never had one, I'd have to say yes.

The last place you went out to dinner? Manny's steakhouse to celebrate Beth's birthday. Yummy!

Do you like your name? I am not fond of Dana but I like the way Dana Marie Vittum sounds. That's why I'll either refer to myself as DM Vittum or Dana Marie Vittum.

What time of the day is it? Break time! 10:30.

Who/What made you angry today? What? Are you trying to insinuate that I can't control my temper? Who the heck do you think you are? Okay, sorry. Kidding.

Do you want anyone?: Other than friends, family and a decent president, no.

Do you like birds?: Yes! They hop! And are fun of watch.

Favorite Holiday?: Halloween. Christmas.

Do you download music? Yes. iTunes gives away free music every Tuesday.

Do you care if your socks are dirty? I really don't wear socks if I can help it.

Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos? Why not? But make sure the tattoo artist can spell.

What are you doing tonight? Chiropratic appointment at 5:45 and then home to watch The Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother and Worst Week.

Do you like to cuddle? Sure do.

Do you love anyone? Uh, yeah. Friends, family, small annoying cats.

Whose bed did you sleep in last night? Mine

Have you ever bungee jumped? I am afraid of heights so no way in hell.

Have you ever gone whitewater rafting? Does tubing down the Apple River count? There are some rapids. It was not my idea of fun.

Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? I can't remember the last time I've been hit on, let alone how old they were.

How many pets do you have? My roommate and I have joint custody of two of the most adorable cats in the world.

Have you met a real redneck? According to Jeff Foxworthy, I might just be one because I have worn knee-highs with a skirt before.

How is the weather right now? Not bad. Kind of cold but it's Minnesota.

What are you listening to right now? Christy typing.

What was the last movie you watched? South Park the Movie.

Do you wear contacts? It's been at least 15 years.

Where was the last place you went besides your house? Manny's Steakhouse. Before that, Beth's house for the weekend.

What are you wearing? Brown jeans that don't look like jeans (it's Business Casual today), pink and white top, my shoes are kicked off underneath my desk, the bracelet Beth got for me.

What's one thing you've learned this year? I'd like to say "Not to cut my own hair" but that would be a lie since I chopped off an annoying strand of hair this weekend.

What do you usually order from Starbucks? I don't like Starbucks. Their coffee always tastes burnt & they have really sucky tea choices. I prefer Caribou.

Ever have anyone sing to you? Yeah. His name was Quagna. And he would have been the perfect man for me if he hadn't tried to hit his friend over the head with a beer bottle.

Have you ever fired a gun: Not in this life time.

Are you missing someone? My grandmother.

Favorite TV show? Big Bang Theory, Psych, Heroes (although not so much this season).

What do you have an obsession with? Books. Magnets.

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb? A couple of times.

Who? Roseanne. The guy that played Bruno on Fame (the television show), Emma Samms

Who would you like to see right now? My grandmother. My mom (at least she's in Arizona).

Ever had a near death experience? Sort of. I didn't actually die though so I guess not. Oh wait, that's why it is called near death. I was in a head on collision and, at the point of impact, felt someone grab my shoulder and hold me back. It was weird. Probably saved my life because I was an idiot and not wearing a seatbelt.

Are you afraid of falling in love? Love stinks, yeah, yeah.

Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? I'm sure I have. I am positive I'm blogged about most of them.

Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently? No

Our Lady Peace or Nickelback? Never heard Our Lady Peace but I hate Nickelback with a radiant hot passion that burns with the ferocity of a thousand suns so they win by default.

What's something that really bugs you? Bugs. Winter.

Do you like Michael Jackson? Eh. His early music was okay.

Taco Bell or Burger King? Taco Bell. They have Pepsi products so there is Mountain Dew, the sweet, sweet ambrosia of the Gods.

Next time you will kiss someone? Do cats count? Probably not. Um, maybe 400 years from now.

Favorite baseball team? Um, the Twins, I guess. Not that I really care about baseball.

Ever call a 1-900 phone number? Why? What would be the point?

Nipple or Nose rings? Both but not anymore. I have thought of getting my nose pierced again.

What's the longest time you've gone without sleep? 36 hours I think? When I was really, really, really young (in my twenties).

Last time you went bowling? At least 2 or so years.

Where is the weirdest place you have slept? At Lakewood Community College in the hallway, head on the shoulder of a friend of mine. We told everyone we slept together until his girlfriend got really pissed off about it.

Who did you last speak with on the phone? Keem.

What does your last received text message say? I don't text.

What's the closest orange object to you? Besides the publish post button? The Outlook alert and my pencil sharpener. And a highlighter and the ring on my Target pharmacy bottles so I don't get them mixed up with anyone else in my home.

Kitten of the Corn - a photo essay

Hello! My name is Kalli and this is my big brother Eddy. I adore him and like to cuddle and spend lots of time with him because I am just the sweetest kitten in the world. Don't you just want to pick me up and kiss me over and over again? Of course you do.



Here I am delicately licking my paw. When I drink water, sometimes I drink it in a normal manner by applying my tongue directly to the water itself. But other times, to increase my absolute cuteness, I will dip my paw in the water and then lick it off. Aren't I angelic in nature? Yes, yes, I am.



Do you know why I do that? Because I am fascinated with water. I know I should be afraid of it like other cats. But I'm not like other cats. I'm different. I'm special. Sometimes I like to hop into the shower with Keem. It's fun.



I really like to snuggle with the humans. Humans are also fascinating. Like really large beings that I can walk all over and they don't even care.



They say "Oh, Kalli, please stop biting your brother."



Or "Kalli, please, for the love of God, leave my toes alone." But they don't do anything about it.

Do you know why? It is because I am their Kitten Overlord. They must obey. Resistance is futile.

Note from Dana:

So yesterday I was home sick (again. Enough with the cold already). Remember those episodes of the Road Runner when Wile E. Coyote would chase after the Road Runner and end up running off the side of the road? I heard this scrabbling noise yesterday and turned to see Kalli's head suspended over the counter, her paws flailing frantically. Then there is a crash and I run to the kitchen expecting to see my poor wounded baby bleeding and broken from the butter dish she managed to pull down with her. But she's not. Instead she's batting around the broken glass. Great. And when I try to sweep it up, she thinks that I'm playing with her. She is such a dork.

I ended up calling Kalli kitten of the corn because of the butter dish and then she tore the springy thing on the door off (what are those springy things on the door called? Door stops?) and batted it around the apartment for awhile. Plus there was the constant attacking of Eddy. How do you persuade a kitten that everything in the apartment is not a toy? The spray bottle works a little bit but I can't use it when she attacks Eddy. It's not fair to spray him as well.

Sigh. I love her. She's a sweet, sweet kitty when she wants to be. But I am really beginning to think she might be a tiny little bit evil.

I love me some TV

Found over at Sarcomical. Years ago. But I am out of posting ideas.

FAVORITE TV MOM: Marion Cunningham from Happy Days. She was a bit ditzy but so nice.

FAVORITE TV DAD: Brandon and Brenda's Dad from Beverly Hills, 90210. No clue what his name was.

FAVORITE ENDEARING NERD: Hodges on CSI: I love him.

RUNNER UP: A RUNNER UP in the NERD category?!? Hiro on Heroes. Or Leonard on the Big Bang Theory

FAVORITE SHOW, NOSTALGIC: Oh, boy, I have no clue. The Electric Company?

FAVORITE SHOW, EVER AND EVER, TLA: Buffy

VERY CLOSE RUNNER UP: Angel (and Firefly. I love Joss Whedon)

CHARACTER I KINDA WANTED TO BE: Sabrina from Charlie's Angels

CHARACTER I REALLY WANT TO BE: Kate from Lost - She's funny, pretty in the girl next door sort of way, independent, slender (not stick thin), smart and has some sort of thing going on with Sawyer. Mmm, Sawyer.

BEST TV HOUSE: It doesn't really count as a house but I love Inara's shuttle on Firefly.

BEST ROMANCE: Sun and Jin on Lost. I love the flashback episodes about them. And yeah, they have had some problems and she was going to leave him but once they started communicating, things are much better. Well, if you don't count the fact that they're on a deserted island. Boy this was awhile ago. Let's add and HE'S DEAD now.

BEST FINALE EPISODE I CAN REMEMBER: I don't like finales. I always have so many questions that I want answered and I hate saying goodbye to characters that I love.

FAVORITE EPISODE EVER: The episode on How I Met Your Mother when Barney made everyone tell their most embarrassing moments? I guess. I've watched a lot of TV throughout the years. Ooh! And every single one of the Treehouse of Horror episodes on the Simpsons.

RUNNER UP: I still think of it now. 21 Jump Street - the episode where they talked about the bullies that they had dealt with in their lives. I like flash back episodes.

FAVORITE RANDOM LINES: You are strange and offputting. Go now. Dracula to Xander on Buffy.

CHARACTER I WOULD MOST WANT TO BE STRANDED ON DESERT ISLAND WITH: Michael from Burn Notice. Or HRG from Heroes.

BEST CHEMISTRY: Leonard and Penny on The Big Bang Theory. Except it's an odd and twisted type of chemistry

BEST DREAM GUY: Michael from Burn Notice. He's a spy! He's the McGyver of the spy world! Plus he gets to hang out with Bruce Campbell.

BEST DREAM GIRL: Huh. I guess Buffy because she kicks ass and looks fabulous doing it

SUPER FANTASTIC BESTEST MOST GREATEST THING EVER: Leonard and Penny's kiss. Wow. Nerds are hot.

A Day in the Life - AM version

I haven't done one of these in a long time.  And I wasn't planning on it this morning.  But sometimes, life throws you a curveball.

Warning - this version of my morning has been rated R for the usage of really, really bad words.  However, since I am sending this from work, I will need to be creative to avoid the Spam censor.  I'm sure that isn't the right name for it but it works.

7:15 AM Wake up because Kalli is currently waging war on my feet.  Apparently my feet have crossed her in some way and she must avenge herself.  This usually happens every morning, especially when she thinks I have slept long enough and need to get up and FEED her NOW!  I used to be able to hide my feet under the covers and this would thwart her but she is now too smart for that and will go under the covers to continue her attack.  Power to the Kitty! 

7:16 AM Stumble my way to the kitchen.  Pour myself another cup of ambition.  And yawn and stretch and try to come to life.

7:16 AM         Realize I am not Dolly Parton and don't particularly like coffee.  Plus, we don't actually have any coffee.  Go and take my shower.

7:17 AM Walk into the kitchen.  Stumble because Kalli is under foot because, in case you were not aware of it, walking into the kitchen means that it is food time.  She is disappointed because, just like every other morning, I am only putting the wet food into the dishes so Keem and I can leave without an exodus of kitties.  I no longer put the dishes on the counter immediately adjacent to the living room because Eddy has figured out how to get on that counter and set a bad example for his little sister one morning by eating his food ahead of time. 

7:18 AM Start coughing.  What the Fudge is this?  There is no coughing.  I just got over my stupid cold (and was out sick on Monday because of one last bout with vomiting.  Lucky me!) and I am not going to do this again.  Cough some more.  Realize that my throat is sore and my nose is stuffed up.

7:19 AM         Curse a lot!  Dagnabit!  Son of a Biscuit!  Fudge, fudge, fudge!

7:20 AM Realize I need to take the Chinese Coptis.  Dread this greatly.  Check the expiration date on the juice I bought the last time we went to the store.  It is expired.  DAGNABIT!  Dang that Keem for not letting me buy the Simply Orange with Pineapple Juice that I wanted desperately last night.  Mock her as I check the refrigerator for anything that couldn't be substituted as juice.  "You don't need juice, Dana.  You can get juice when we get paid." 

7:25 AM Stare at the Coptis with fear and loathing.  There is nothing juice like in the fridge.  I'm going to have to take it with water.  It is quite possibly the most disgusting substance in the entire world and tastes like burning.  I add the half dropper-full to the water and slam it down.

7:26 AM Tell Kalli if she doesn't move, I am going to throw up on her.  Rush to the sink and fill glass with more water.  Drink quickly.  Tell myself repeatedly that I am not going to throw up.  Do not throw up.  Life is good.

7:27 AM Go and wait in the living room for Keem to get ready.  Check the news about the debate last night (which I watched part of until Kari, Keem and I all got really annoyed with Senator McCain and decided we had enough.  Then we watched Project Runway.  Yay, Kenly didn't win (love her clothes but hate, hate, hate her attitude.  No one should ever talk like that to Tim Gunn (he's so sweet.  I love him)).  Sad that Korto didn't win because her clothes were beautiful and colorful and if she ever made anything in a plus size, I would snap it up in a heart beat.  LeeAnne won and her clothes were very beautiful and 60% of them were made with sustainable products which is very exciting). 

7:47 AM         Maybe.  I might have lost track.  Kim is ready.  I lean down to pick up my book (Certain Girls by Jennifer Wiener.  I love her as well) and start coughing again.  Keem says, in an annoying sing song voice "Someone's getting sick."  I explain about having to take the stupid Coptis with water.  Keem laughs and says "Oh.  I guess I should have let you have juice last night, huh?"  My answer is a resounding YES!

The rest of the day has been spent alternately coughing and cursing, blowing my nose repeatedly and deciding that regretfully, I will not be able to go to karaoke tonight.  I must rest and conserve my strength for this weekend because I am going to Beth's and we are going to scrapbook and I will destroy any FUDGING cold that dares to stand in my way! 

The End.  I apologize for my very bad language.  I must add that I actually do use the word dagnabit in real life.  It is fun to say.

Insanity, thy name is Keem

I am in the break room with Keem this morning.  She is filling her water container with ice (we have ice in our break room!  It's awesome!  Crushed ice even!).  I hear her softly singing.

DM:  What did you say?
Keem (sing song):  Ice is good.  Ice is great.  Unfortunately you can't take it out on a date.

In a normal tone she continues.

Keem:  Because it would melt.
DM:  What are you doing?
Keem:  Channeling you, apparently.

My world is askew when I'm the normal one.

Oh, Ralph Macchio, where are you now? (see bottom of post for answer)

Josh's birthday party was this weekend.  My nephew is now 5.  Five.  How does this happen?  Yes, yes, I know that time stops for no man (unless, of course, you're Hiro) and children do grow up (unless they are Peter Pan and then want to really tick off Beth (she preferred the movie Hook)). 

Josh has grown up into a small child with an addiction to a thing that I can not accept.  Namely Star Wars.  Blech.  I do not understand this obsession for Star Wars* but I know where it came from.  His father.  That rat bastard sat my impressionable nephew down in front of a television and said "Hey, watch this."  And the child did.  And it was bad!  Does Josh know how great Captain Kirk is?  No.  Does he understand my obsession with Data and my wish to have my very own android boyfriend?  No (but then no one really does).  And yet, my sister objected to me introducing Josh to Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Apparently Buffy's too violent for my gentle nephew (no problems with him playing with a light saber but let him even look at a piece of wood sharpened ever so slightly?  Sheesh (I asked Kari about this and apparently Josh has only seen two of the movies and some of the cartoons.  None of the violent ones.  So my chances of introducing Josh to Buffy have been thwarted once again)). 

*He did get a Star Wars Lego shirt that I thought was pretty cool (old school Star Wars with the beauteous Harrison Ford as Han Solo (Indiana Jones in space)).  His other obsession would be for Legos which I can get behind because there are Indiana Jones Legos and Batman Legos but no Star Trek Legos (which, by the way, is Eric's counter for my logically thought out argument that Star Wars is awful and Josh should be watching Star Trek.  Eric says (in the snottiest tone ever) "Are there Star Trek Legos?  No?  Sorry, you lose."**

*Okay, he may not actually have said that but the tone was awfully snotty.  Eric is the little brother I never wanted.***

***But I do adore him.  He is my favorite brother-in-law (mainly because I don't really know my half-sisters' husbands very well but I am pretty sure that Luther (Nancy's husband) would support my love of Star Trek (I actually don't have any clue but maybe I will check on that and then switch brother-in-law allegiance)) even though he is MEAN to me.

I had a point.  I'm not sure what it was.  Um, Josh, birthday party, Star Wars…oh, yeah.  Okay.  Anyway, the party took place at USA Karate.  Josh is into karate now.  I am cool with that (Might be good to know some defense when attacked by those vampires.  You know, since he hasn't been able to watch Buffy!) and have always enjoyed martial arts movies (Big Trouble in Little China!  And Blade comes to mind.  Martial arts, vampires.  How could you possible go wrong?  (According to Kari, no way in hell am I allowed to introduce Josh to Blade)).  His instructor, Mr. Ranch, is about 25, dedicated, good with children and quite attractive.  Reminds me somewhat of Ralph Macchio in his prime (Mmm, Italiany goodness.  Favorite Ralph Macchio movie?  My Cousin Vinny of course.  He's just so pretty when he's cruising along the road with his friend.  And the Karate Kid movies are pretty good as well).  There was another man there, Mr. Sullivan, who was also good with the children but his relative attractiveness increased the more he started working with the pole (I do not know how to phrase this in a way that doesn't sound dirty).  And then decreased when he sided with Eric about Star Wars.  Mr. Ranch's attractiveness increased far more when my response was "Well, does Star Wars have Data?  R2D2 is just a giant salt shaker" and he agreed with me. 

On our way back to the homestead, Kari and I were discussing how the party was enjoyable (with just a brief moment of fear when I was in charge of documenting who the gifts were from and the children descended upon Josh with the cries of "Open my present first, Josh" and gnashing of their teeth when he opened another present instead of theirs and then they would all descend upon him again and there was the flying of the wrapping paper and made me remark to the pregnant woman next to me that children were creepy (I will state in her favor that she did laugh)) and how Josh got some great presents (including Batman Legos from yours truly.  Because they are AWESOME) and how it was fun watching Mr. Ranch and Mr. Sullivan interact with the kids and was I too old to start karate because I was kind of jealous of Josh.  And then I mentioned Mr. Sullivan working with the pole (what is that thing called?  Surely it can't be the pole?) and how I enjoyed that, she agreed.  And then I signed and perhaps said a little too loudly "Karate is hot."

Josh:  What?!!? (in that incredulous, what did you say, tone that young children get)
DM:  Karate is fun to watch.  Yes, that's it.
Kari (laughing at my furious back pedal because sometimes I forget Josh is getting older and is starting to understand things.  You should have seen the dirty look I got when I said "Hey, Mom, how old was I when I stopped believing in Santa Claus?"  Luckily he was only 2 and didn't catch it.  Otherwise I would be dead now):  Hahaha!

Kari came over Saturday night and we watched Bulletproof Monk because we were both in the mood for an action movie and the selection for On Demand was a little slim.  Plus Kari didn't think she had seen it before.  I prefer the alternate version on the DVD which has Mr. Funktastic and his crew helping Kar and Jade but it's still a good movie.  Kari spent the night because she was too tired to drive home.  I am quite fond of my sister (such a change from when we were growing up.  I have mentioned her nickname was Brat before, right?) and like the "Girl's Nights" that we spend (typically she comes over to watch America's Next Top Model and Project Runway and Kim cooks.  Since tomorrow's the finale of Project Runway, we may need to start watching Stylista which seems to be a reality show version of The Devil Wears Prada.  Scary but filled with Drama (which is fun if it's not your life).  We will not be watching Paris Hilton search for her new BFF, that's for damn sure.  I can only handle so much Drama.

Ralph Macchio, by the way, is 47, still pretty cute and has a movie in post production.  Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Undead.  Which is, apparently, about vampires.  So we come full circle.

Fear me, Tech People. I have a computer and I don't know how to use it.

This is actually from a few weeks ago (maybe a month?).  Hmm.  When did the new bridge open?  Okay.  It's from September 18th.

I've mentioned before that there are two main aspects to my job.  The first aspect is monitoring phone calls for representatives and scoring the calls.  This is huge for me because I absolutely adore customer service.  I think customer service is the most important thing that we can offer stock owners and dagnabit - people better be providing it. 

The other aspect is that I update our Electronic Resource (it's a library housed on our intranet site.  We call it Libby) - where the reps go to find information about companies that we work with or how to assist a stock holder that wants to sell their shares, etc.  This is also important because the reps really can't provide excellent customer service if they don't have the information they need.

So my day is divided up between these two tasks with distractions as I answer questions from just about everyone about how to score calls and where can I find this information in Libby and what should I do about this call that I'm on right now and everything else.  It can get a little hectic.

Now I, for some reason, thrive on stress.  I don't like to be bored, I like to have something to do at all times or I can find myself getting distracted and sneaking off to bloglines to find out what my favorite bloggers are writing about (that would be you, gentle reader) or reading the latest news (which is not like me at all because I typically avoid the news like the plague but the new home page that we use at NABABNA has MSN headlines every day so I'll find myself going "Oh, the new bridge opened today?" or "Good Lord, what was McCain thinking?" and then I have to read the article and will find myself reading other articles).  So hectic is a good thing - it keeps me going and I'm not bored so I am less likely to fall asleep at my desk. 

However, this Tuesday I had a little more stress than I wanted.

Here's some background.  Back when I worked for NABABNA's main call center, I was updating something in one of the shared drives.  I don't really know how a shared drive works but I have a vague idea that it is something that I can view on my computer and other people can view it on their computer.  And then I see something that I don't need in my folder (statistics from 2000 or something like that) and I delete it.  It doesn't dawn on me that this could cause a problem for everyone else until the following day when Main Tech Guy (we'll call him Bob Partridge) shows up at my desk.

I don't know Bob Partridge very well.  I've seen him around a few times and I have no idea what to do about the fact that he is glowering at me.  The following is a loosely based transcript of our conversation (because I don't really remember that far back).

BP:  You.
DM:  Me?
BP:  Did you delete Excel Program Blahdeblah?
DM:  Um.  Maybe.
BP:  Do you know what happens when you delete something from a shared drive?
DM:  Um.  It's not on my computer anymore?
BP:  It's not on anyone's computer anymore.  And then I have to fix it.  Don't do it again.
DM (meekly):  Okay.

I don't know how much time went by, maybe a couple of months, maybe a year but one day Bob shows up at my desk again.

BP:  You did it again.  ARGH!  You are so stupid!  You should never touch a computer again, you spawn of Satan!   (No, he did not actually say this part but I am pretty sure he was thinking it)

DM:  What?
BP:  You deleted something from the shared drive.
DM:  I did?
BP:  Yes! 

And then he goes into a long description about why I should never do this and how this caused a ton of work for him and he would break all of my fingers if I ever did it again (okay, he didn't say that either but if looks could kill, I would not be typing this right now).

I don't deal well with lectures.  I might have a small problem with authority.  Just a small one.  So I am not going to put up with this anymore.

DM (snippily):  Bob, I understand this.  You don't have to keep explaining it to me.
BP:  I don't think you do.  Because if you did understand it, you would stop doing it!

Needless to say, that shut me up.  I listened to the lecture quietly, knowing that my boss was sitting right there.  Laughing his fool head off.  Bob went on his way and our paths rarely crossed again.  Although he always seemed confused when I would greet him with "Hi.  Please don't yell at me."

So Tuesday.  I'm working on Libby.  I have to add some information about a new company.  Somehow and I am not quite sure how this happened because I'm not supposed to have delete capability in Front Page (Windows Application that lets you work on websites.  That's about as much as I know about it), I manage to delete an entire folder of updates.  This is the R folder.  I was working in the F folder to add the new company, Fairly Small Company.  How I managed to delete the R folder when working in the F folder, I don't know.  The only thing that I can think that might have happened is I was going to change the name of my document and instead of using rename, I used delete.  You know, because these commands are so similar.

We have a lot of companies that are housed in R.  A lot.  Tons.  Many large companies.  So you can imagine how I felt when I went to update some information about Really Large Company and saw that I had a Q folder and an S folder but no R folder.  There was a lot of cursing involved.

Fortunately I was able to call Jess (one of the Tech People).

Jess:  Hi, this is Jess.  How can I help you?
DM:  Help.  Oh, help.  I accidently deleted one of the folders in Front Page.  I don't know how.  Please, please, please tell me you can restore it.  Please.

Jess:  Well, I can't but I can have someone take care of it.  It should be fine.
DM:  I love you!
Jess:  Um.  Okay.

And then, of course, I had to send an email out to my entire phone center and explain that they wouldn't be able to access R because of a glitch (right, like I'm going to tell everyone that I deleted it).  I think it was figured it out anyway because after I send out the email telling them that it was fixed, I got several responses:

From Co-Worker Beau:   Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
From Co-Worker Annette:  Yeah… my truck was called T-OY while R was missing….
(Apparently her truck is named Troy after some guy from Montgomery Gentry.  I believe that is the name of a band but don't quote me on it).

From Co-Worker Christine:  Thank you for returning my R…R was so very missed.
(Accompanied by a picture of Ernie from Sesame Street pulling a rabbit out of a hat)

From Co-Worker Jessica after I said Dagnabit about something that was thwarting me:  Did you delete R again?

As I told Beth, I will never live this down.  And her response was "You'll never live it down unless you stop doing it!"

Good news!

Other than the fact that I've almost done a nose dive onto my keyboard because I cannot stay awake no matter what I do, today is a good day.

Today Keem and I got the results of our 2nd exam from the chiropractor - to find out how we are doing after seeing him for almost an entire month.  It was amazing.  I knew I was feeling better but to actually see the difference. 

Apparently when I first started going, I had the "Points" (something to do with range of movement or something.  A high point score is bad) of someone who had just been in a car accident.  It was at 350 or something like that.  A month later there is 47% change for the better.  I can almost touch my head to my left should (my left side is very weak.  If I didn't know better, I would have sworn I had a stroke (not storke which is what I typed)), my left arm is almost virtually pain free (used to feel like someone took my ligaments and twisted them up) and I wake up in the morning feeling almost energized.  Now my points are at 170. 

Not that I'm completive but am I annoyed that Keem's points were at 160 to begin with?  Uh, yes.  But this explains why I was always in pain when we went anywhere.  And she thought I was a whiner!  Hah!  Am I also annoyed that Keem weighs 20 pounds less than me?  Yes.  Am I going to do something about that?  I'm going to damn well try.

Today, in an effort to avoid the candy dish Keem has on her desk, I have taken to instead walking out the door on the East and walking through the parking lot to the West side.  Then I'll go to the bathroom or whatever and walk back outside again.  I've done this 3 times, it isn't causing horrific pain and I feel somewhat better.  Things are good.

Oh, and the rat bastard cold I've had for the last week or so is finally starting to go away.  About time.

We have to have a consultation about exercise one of these days.  I'm really, really excited about that (no, I'm not)!  I just love to exercise (no, I don't.  I hate it)!  I'm going to be happy and perky about this until it kills me (it probably will)!

Now I have to go to the break room and get some water.  Since that's on Keem's side of the building, it calls for more walking.  Am I actually looking forward to this?  A little.  Does that mean I'm insane?

So much for posting every day

But hey, when you're a high-flying social butterly living this whirlwind life, it's hard to find the time to post.

Yeah. The highlight of my weekend was doing 6 loads of laundry. The only reason it's a highlight is because I managed to get part of the way through the pile of clothes stacked high in the corner. I found shirts I didn't remember having. It was very exciting.

Now I am off to bed, hoping not to have horrible dreams now that Sookie's grandmother was murdered in such a horrible way (True Blood reference for those that don't follow the show (or ever read the books (which you should, because they are awesome))) and, since the show's on HBO, they don't have that much problem with showing a lot of blood. There may be a nightmare or two.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend and you weren't stalked by the papperazzi. I'm pretty sure I saw one lurking in the laundry room.

Birds are our friends

Let's travel back further in time and remember a day spent in a sunny, foreign country. A day where Beth and I didn't get lost (miracle), where we drank fake Coke (not all Cola products are the same!) and really delicious juice and I had a bird eat out of my hand. While all of my memories of Portugal are good (even getting lost because we got a great story out of it), this is one of my favorites.



I'm actually cheating - Beth took this picture but she used my camera. But still, it was a great day.

Kim and I were talking the other day about where we would live if we finally gave up on America (probably right after watching yet another horrible political ad) and I said Portugal. If I had the money, I would be there right now.

I don't know that I would ever actually leave America for good but with everything that is going on now - with the market dropping and the elections seeming to be more about popularity and less about the issues, I am both looking forward and dreading Election Tuesday. Looking forward because I can cast my vote with pride and be thankful that I live in a country where I can vote and dreading because I'm worried about another 4 years under Republican leadership (and I use that word loosely).

Saw a brilliant bumper sticker this morning - If you vote for McCain, you are insane. Awesome.

Still sick

I am really, really sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Blowing my nose has become an exercise in grossness because the force is so strong, I have managed to get mucus all over myself at least once a day this week. That's fantastic. Makes me feel really special.

My co-workers think I am nuts because I am draping a Puffs tissue with Vicks over my nose and (well, as much as I can) inhaling deeply. I'm used to them thinking I'm nuts. And I really love the smell.

A few minutes ago, a bull elephant mistook me for his mate. Or it could have been a gander. I'm so sick, I can't tell the difference.

I was supposed to go to a volunteer event tonight to "Feed My Children." We would have been putting together boxes of food to ship overseas to starving children. I will not be doing that because I really don't want to send my putrid, disease causing germs to them as well. Or infect anyone else.

I was looking forward to karaoke again tonight but will instead be doing the same thing I've done every night this week, curled up in bed, trying to breathe and cursing the rat bastard that got me sick.

Okay, enough whining. Here's a picture of absolute cuteness to make me feel better.



Kalli needs to be by Eddy. All the time. And this is not as cute as you would think. Typically she is trying to eat him. Poor Eddy. Hopefully she'll calm down soon.

And now for random pictures from the past!

I want to start posting more. But lately, I seem to be at a loss for words and after reading some past posts of mine (does anyone remember alien Jesus?), I have decided that I'm not as funny as I used to be. Or I just don't have a life anymore (damn you, Chalet for cancelling Karaoke Sundays! Damn you!). Something. Anyway, to sort of kick start my way towards NoBloPoMo (or whatever the heck it was), I thought I would vist the Flickr photostream of my past, pick some pictures I haven't posted before and remark on them. Maybe I will find the funny again.

Today I bring you candy bars from Canada. These were purchased at the tiny truck stop/convenience store where Beth and I stopped for breakfast (mainly because we had driven for miles and it was the only place we found. And, I'd like to add, one of the best fried egg sandwiches I've ever had was served there). These pictures were taken on May 17th, 2006. And no, I have not yet scrapbooked them. Why? Because I'm still working on Portugal from 2005. I'm a slow scrapbooker. I admit it.

These are pre-Zoe pictures. I kind of miss this camera because it had a heck of a zoom but everything else sucked. It was too big, too bulky and did not work well with my shaky, shaky hands.

Our first picture is a marvel with its subtle subliminal hints.



Why yes, I will Eat-More, candy bar! Thanks for suggesting it!

And then we have a Kit Kat. Why, we have these at home! Canada and Minnesota aren't too different. Viva la Kit Kat.



Oh, wait. This is an exotic Kit Kat. There's a new addition to it. Let's check it out. Mmm. Peanut Butter. How different!



Except doesn't arachnid mean spider? I'm eating butter made out of spiders? I'm seriously disturbed now.

And now for the piece de resistance - the Mirage bar!*

*Aren't you impressed with my French? So fitting when posting about Canada.



Featuring Bubbly milk chocolate!



If I remember correctly, the candy bars travelled back to Beth's apartment and sat there for about a year. And then when Beth found them, I tried to eat one (can't remember which one it was) and was seriously disgusted. Probably because the candy was stale. Not because I found any spiders.

There. A small snapshot (pun intended) of a great day where Beth and I proved once again that the smallest possible things are worth laughing over. The post from this day is located on Beth's blog, where there are more pictures and tales of nuttiness. Including pictures of me hugging a tree.

Oh Monday. Why do you hate me so?

Remember last week?  When I was pretty sure I was going to die?  Yeah.  Now I am almost twice as sure.

Thursday, for no apparent reason, my nose started to itch.  Did this mean I was going to come into money?  No.  It meant germs were descending upon me.  I don't know who to blame for this.  I am sure there are many sick people around the office but no one has recently coughed or sneezed in my direction. 

By Friday morning, I had the runny noise and drainage.  Always a bundle of laughs.  My chiropractor did some acupressure on my sinus trigger points and it was interesting to see how swollen my lymph nodes were under my jaw.  He also recommended some absolutely vile thing called Chinese Coptis which helps you fight infection.  Quite possibly the most disgusting thing I have ever had in my life.  But it helped.  The rest of the day was spent with me trying to breathe because my lungs would fill up with the crap.  I'd do the pressure points and then go and throw up a ton of phlegm BUT I'd be able to breathe again.  I did impress my boss with my dedication to work when she overheard me in the bathroom.  After she expressed concern, I reassured her that this was surprisingly a good thing because I like to breathe.  I come down very strongly on the side of breathing.

Saturday Keem and I went gallivanting because it was her birthday.  We went to the casino where Keem won $300.  I, unfortunately, was not as lucky as her but at least I broke even.  Then we went to play Bingo where I won $10 and Keem won $99.  We did not win the jackpot of $1,000 but were philosophical about it because (direct quote) "at least those annoying people didn't win."  The annoying people were a group of women sitting behind Keem who decided to talk about their turn-ons and also a man, his girlfriend and an older woman who sat there complaining about the fact that they weren't winning.  Loudly.  With lots of swear words.  Which, hey, normally I will swear with the best of them, but threatening the bingo caller with your dauber is not very nice.  And it's a game!  Not everyone wins!  That's why it's called gambling!

Sunday was spent lying about the apartment, whining to Keem about how I was dying (cold has descended into my lungs, I try to avoid coughing because it hurts my ribs so I end up trying to do something similar to Lamaze to stop the coughing.  It actually sounds like "Whoo-hooo-hoo" and then Keem hears it and yells at me because I have to get the crap out of my lungs).  This annoys her but she must have felt somewhat sorry for me because she dyed my hair (the box says it is pomegranate but I'm not so sure - it looks closer to black) and also turned on the subtitles when we watched The Bank Job (my hearing sucks and accents make it worse.  So while Jason Statham is very pretty, I'd actually like to know why he's being chased around by lots of people).  Subtitles are never allowed the first time we've watched a movie so I know that pity was involved (or she couldn't hear them either).

Today my morning pretty much sucked (cough, hack, spit, repeat ad nauseum) but then I went to the chiropractor.  After doing the whole pressure points thing again and cracking something called "the atlas", I went to work feeling much taller and, after about an hour, able to breathe again.  It's now about 4:30 and when I first started this post, it was about 9:30 and I did think I would never feel better again.  Plus, the best part of all of this?  I only took cold medicine on Friday and nothing since then.  Usually I swallow cold medicine like it's going out of style and spend the time floating around in a daze.  Maybe the plague is over?  Maybe Monday doesn't hate me after all?  I could almost believe that if it wasn't for all of the monitorings I have to finish by tomorrow.

How are you all doing?  Were you as sad as I was to hear about Paul Newman passing away?

And now for news of a happier (and mysterious) nature

In which she gushes on and on about the kitten, proving that she really needs a life.

Kalli has seemed to adjust well to living with us.  Her little face lights up whenever Eddy comes into a room and it is cute to see how she stops whatever she is doing and lunges at him.  Eddy has even started treating her less like a nuisance and more like a little sister.  He is initiating play and was caught licking her head the other night (although he stalked off the minute he realized we saw it).

One of the cutest things I have seen so far is Eddy sitting on top of the office chair, dangling his tail in Kalli's face and twitching it so she keeps leaping at it.  She is quite the leaper.  Last night, she saw Keem's bag handle was hanging down and she leapt at it until she was able to pull the bag down.  She is easily amused and is constantly running around, leaping and somersaulting and causing tons of trouble. 

Even though she is technically Keem's kitten (just like Eddy is technically my cat), she has taken to sleeping with me.  Which, you know, is awesome.  Cuddly kitten who likes to purr in my ear.  Except that's not all she's doing.  Apparently I am her mother figure and she curls herself up into my arm, licking and kneading at it.  And sometimes biting.  I have tiny little scabs all over my right arm from where her tiny little claws are piercing my skin.  Somewhat painful.  I've tried to convince her that this really isn't necessary and then she cries so piteously that I give up. 

Someone asked me about her name today and I said it really depended - There was Kalli, of course.  And Kalypso Jean when she is being annoying.  And Little Miss Trouble.  Calamity Jean when she is whining.  Kalli Monster when she is attacking.  And then some of the others - such as "Shut up for the love of God!" and "Not the toes!" and "Stop it!" and "Kittens do not go into the stove!"

She's almost doubled in size.  I'll have to post more pictures.  It's just amazing how she went from this tiny little grey and white ball of fur and now she is grey and tan and white with black stripes.  Every day there's something different.

In which she talks about the mystery

The other day I came walking up to my desk and couldn't figure out who was sitting in my chair.  There was a person.  But then I realized that the person was green and kind of fuzzy.  Someone left me the gift of a giant frog.  I do not know who.  Keem knows.  Jess knows.  Christy knows.  Half of the center must know.  But I do not.  I sent this email out to the center and not a single person has stepped forward and said "It was me!"  Dang them all.

From:   DM
Sent:   Thursday, September 18, 2008 9:06 AM
To:     Everyone in my center
Subject:        To the anonymous frog gifter

Hi, everybody!

I came in this morning to find a giant frog sitting at my desk, in my chair.  After a brief moment where I thought I had been fired and replaced, I realized that this was a gift from someone.  But who?  Kim Schams knows but won't tell me.  So, because I don't know who to thank, I'm sending this to everyone.

Thank you, anonymous kind person.  The frog (who is now known as Laird) is sitting at the desk next to mine for now. 

Laird (I've thought it was a cool name ever since I once spoke to a guy named Laird that was actually the last Laird of his clan) has his own desk, someone made him a name plate and every day I come in to see another change.  He's got a coffee mug and a seat cushion (both for the Packers though.  I thought it was pretty obvious that Laird is Scottish and wouldn't be a football supporter.  But no one has dropped off a new golf set for him).  He's been set up with his feet up on the desk.  Or he's writing something.  Someone posed him so he looked like he was talking on the phone. 

He's been elected as our mascot.  And shall be the leader of my army when Co-Worker Vicki follows through with her threat to become Supreme Commander of the Universe.  I offered her all of the administrative jobs of running the Universe while everyone worshipped me but she wasn't going for that.  Apparently she's planning on setting up her own army that will consist of clowns throwing worms at me (this is the problem with trusting the people.  They learn your fears and exploit them).  But don't worry, my loyal subjects, I won't let her win.

I'm not sure how I started talking about the kitten and ended up with my imaginary frog/clown war with my newest arch-nemesis.  I guess that's just how I roll.

Bullet Point Monday

How I hate Mondays.  Let me count the ways.

• My lower back is tied up in knots and I come very close to screaming if it is touched.  Let me just suggest that you don't do this if your chiropractor is trying to adjust you.  It can frighten him.
• I had a crappy work week and my weekend, which I thought was going to be fun and exciting, ended up trying to kill me.
• I first figured there was a problem on Saturday when I was having the worst time trying to catch my breath after finishing mowing Beth's yard.
• Then my heart started racing and I thought for a moment it would break from my chest, like a bat out of hell (if you can catch the two songs I am referencing here, I will be very impressed).
• The world's worst headache ever decided we should wrestle with each other.
• Took a nap and 4 ibuprofen tablets and nothing touched it.
• When I was standing at the top step of her basement stairs, got incredibly dizzy and almost fell backwards, that was a pretty good indication that something was wrong.
• Throwing up kind of drove the message home.
• My cell phone was dead and I couldn't call anyone but fortunately Keem was online.  I told her the problem and she said I should come home.  Since Beth was at work, Keem offered to come get me.
• After almost throwing up twice more on the way home, I was ordered to bed by Keem.
• Kalli expressed her joy to see me by trying to chew off my toes and fingers.  Although the gnawing did help on one of the mosquito bites.
• Sunday was spent drinking a lot of water and staying in bed.  My lower back hates my bed.  Very, very much so.  Which is why it hurts so much today.
• Both Keem and the chiropractor think I was probably dehydrated. 
• The headache is finally gone, lost the rematch when my neck was adjusted.
• Today I do not feel like throwing up.  Which is a good thing.  I just hurt.  Not as badly as I did yesterday but still, would rather be home in bed.
• I am to warm up in the morning and cool down in the evening (heating pad on lower back in morning, ice pack at night).
• Incredibly busy today with a ton of stuff in our virtual library Inbox.  I'll be updating most of the morning.  Then I get to listen to some calls that went horribly, horribly awry and had to be "pulled" for training purposes.  If I'm lucky, I'll get to spend some time catching up on my monitorings.
• Must get back to work.  Hope you all had a good weekend and a much better Monday morning then I am.

Yet another reason why I should get my hearing checked

I am sitting over at Beth's house right now. We are both on our respective laptops (she is loading pictures from her recent trip to Chicago, I am checking Bloglines to see who has updated lately).

The television is on but we're not really paying that much attention to it.

Some lady is blabbing in the background about the wine country or something. She says something that strikes me as odd. I turn to Beth.

"Did she just say they planted hand grenades in their yard for landscaping?"

Beth starts laughing.

Apparently they planted grapes. Possibly Concord grapes. Not hand grenades.

We also are kind of flipping through the channels and have landed on something called "Sex Talk." Four women are being interviewed about something called ExtenZe. It's a male enhancement that will apparently increase a man from smaller to "double barrelled."

If you get the free trial, they'll send you two cans of the ExtenZe drink.

Beth - It's penis in a can! What do you think would happen if you mix that with Red Bull?

Then this complete bimbo is interviewing random couples on the street and amazingly enough, all the men use ExtenZe. And wow! It's so great!

Apparently this is a cleverly disguised infomercial. And when I say cleverly, I mean completely disturbing.

This is a weird, weird world we live in.

Saved by the Paper Napkin

Sheryl from Paper Napkin is awesome because she posted a meme and that made me be able to breathe a sigh of relief that I will be able to post something besides an essay of what my cats have been doing this week. Seriously. I was sitting there thinking "Don't I have anything else to say besides 'Kalli is cute and Eddy is adorable'?" Apparently not. Well, there is the fact that I am seriously starting to think about investing in a suit of armor. Kalli's teeth and claws are very sharp and she likes to use them. We also changed her middle name to Jean so now she is named after Jean Grey from the X-Men. She also has a new nickname - Calamity Jean.

Anyway, here is the meme.

Things I love:

Song you love: I love a ton of music but my absolutely favorite one ever (this week) is "Pieces on the Ground" by The Nadas. Awesome.

Word you love: Besides Awesome? Thwart. I love the way it sounds.

Academic subject you love: Greek Mythology

Hobby you love: Scrapbooking, Blogging

Type of baked good you love: The one thing I can never resist - 7 Layer Bars

Type of sky you love: Blue with big puffy clouds

Beverage you love: Mountain Dew. I am weak.

Vacation you love: I am quite fond of the road trip.

Restaurant you love: Manny's. Mmm. Steak.

Way of getting around that you love: I think I would really enjoy using a Segway. Other than that, it would be in a car with a friend with the tunes blasting and the windows open.

Person you love: Kari

Room in your home (or ideal home) you love: The living room. My shiny computer is there.

Movie you love: The Imposters is my favorite movie of all time.

Book you love: Please. Like I can settle for just one. Anything by Nora Roberts. I read a brilliant one this summer called The Bright Side of Disaster by Katherine Center. Kane and Abel & The Prodigal Daughter by Jeffrey Archer.

City you love: Lisbon

Future plan you love: Moving to Lisbon

Form of communication you love: Email. I'm not fond of talking on the phone.

Junk food you love: Cheez-its. Even better - Cheez-its and Cream Cheese covered with Jalapeno Jelly. Yum.

To do this yourself, just copy and paste into your own blog!

Song you love:
Word you love:
Academic subject you love:
Hobby you love:
Type of baked good you love:
Type of sky you love:
Beverage you love:
Vacation you love:
Restaurant you love:
Way of getting around that you love:
Person you love:
Room in your home (or ideal home) you love:
Movie you love:
Book you love:
City you love:
Future plan you love:
Form of communication you love:
Junk food you love:

Motherhood kind of sucks

It's 2:30 in the morning and I am exhausted. Why? Because the newest addition to our household thinks I'm her mother. And needs me to show her where everything is. Hungry? Let's mew in Dana's ear. Have to go to the bathroom? Another mew. Don't want to sleep right now? Well, that's an exceptionally loud mew.

Right now she is running around like a furry top on speed.

Eddy seems to be coming around. At first there was a lot of hissing and the paw of justice came out a lot. But now he seems to be getting used to her. Last night he even laid in front of her and was "flippy kitty" (rolling back and forth on his back). What's a lot of fun is watching this little tiny ball of gray and white (and some tan) fur chase this gigantic cat down the hallway.

Anyway, we took her to the vet on Friday and, in case you did not guess, it's a girl. Pink bubble gum cigars to all of you (if I had pink bubble gum cigars, of course).

After a lot of decisions (she was Isis for about two hours), we decided on Kalypso (Melissa, it was funny to see you mentioned that as a possibility). Kalypso Jane Gray to be exact. Kalli for short. Or Little Miss Trouble. Or 3wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Get off the keyboard, cat! Or Shut up! Or Not the toes! Leave the toes alone!

But she is adorable. Take a look.

On the way to Kari's after first picking her up (she discovered the camera cord).

Causing a ton of trouble when she knocked every single remote down.

Right before she decided the newest place to hang out was the computer.

You should see her attacking the cursor. That is hilarious.

And she is exhausted after running around causing trouble.

It's 2:50. Hopefully she's ready to sleep now. Doubt it but worth a shot.