Seven. Lucky Seven.

Mark posted this and I enjoyed it and I do love a good meme/list so here goes. Oh, I posted a post a few days ago and only one person (Beth) commented on it so I am linking it as well. Go and read it because it is a lonely post and it is connected to past posts I wrote that are very funny and you will love them. Really. You will. It is here.

Seven things I plan on doing before I die:
1. Return to Las Vegas.
2. Return to Portugal.
3. Visit every place on my list of places to visit with Beth:

2005 – Portugal (Hey, I did that already. Cool)
2006 - New Orleans
2007 - Italy
2008 - Washington DC
2009 - Great Britain (Stratford on Avon! Woo-hoo! Among other spots)
2010 - New York
2011 - Southern Germany/France
2012 - Alaskan Cruise (when I was reading the list back, I read 2012 as Two Thousand Twen. Apparently it's a new word that I made up that makes no sense)
2013 - Moscow/Australia (No, not both of them together because that would never work. If we are married to big, strong, masculine men who can protect us, Moscow. If not, Australia. Where hopefully we will find big, strong, masculine men)
2014 - Hawaii
2015 – Egypt

4. Get my driver’s license.
5. Buy an El Camino.
6. Break the touch barrier with Gil. Convince him that I am The One for him.
7. Finish and publish a book. Any book. I don’t care anymore.

Seven things I can do:
1. Type over 70-80 words per minute.
2. Amuse the world with my charmingly askew point of view about life, love and other stuff (okay, so the world consists of you that read me but that’s not the point).
3. Logically explain how I am the Queen of the Universe and not get committed
4. Sing “Change the World” really, really well. I’m pretty good with “Give Me One Reason” as well. Oh, hell, let’s just admit it. I rock. My voice is mellifluous and all that hear me fall instantly in love with me (yes, yes, I am kidding. They do not. But they should. Dammit).
5. Keep my New Year’s Resolution to not kill anyone. Only a little bit over 4 months to go.
6. Read over 1800 words per minute. I don’t like to do it because that’s not the whole point to reading but I can. Isn’t it good to know that if the fate of the free world depended on this, I’d be able to step in and save us all?
7. Embrace Chaos. Adore Chaos. Give Chaos a big kiss on the mouth.

Seven things I can't do:
1. Eat tomatoes without gagging (yuck, yuck, yuck).
2. Clean up after myself without much complaining.
3. Watch previews of movies about horses and not cry (Stupid horses).
4. Live without my friends. Literally. If it wasn’t for them, I would be dead now.
5. Resist bread. Mmm. Bread AND butter.
6. Have a normal, healthy romantic relationship with a member of the opposite sex (so far. Hoping this will change in the near future).
7. Stop embellishing and exaggerating.

Seven things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. A sense of humor. Not afraid to laugh at themselves.
2. Intelligent but does not look down on others for not having the same or higher intelligence level or different opinions.
3. Confident but not arrogant.
4. I like big noses. Not sure why but I do. And mobile, expressive faces. No pretty boys for me. I’d rather be with someone who looks like Stanley Tucci or Rowan Atkinson.
5. Likes my friends AND my friends like him.
6. Likes or tolerates karaoke. I am not giving up Sunday nights at the Chalet.
7. As much as I hate to say this, he should be logical. But not so logical that he can’t enjoy my regularly scheduled flights of fancy. He should not exist only to harsh my buzz.

Seven things I say the most:
1. Eh.
2. What was I thinking (usually followed by the slapping of my forehead if I am remembering my misguided liking of Puffy)?
3. That is just wrong.
4. But Keem!
5. I cannot do (whatever I don’t want to do). There might be vampires.
6. Shut up (when someone points out something that is logical (such as that there are no vampires in the freezer) or truthful (such as I do like Gil even when I try to pretend I do not) or doesn’t say anything at all (but I know they are thinking it). It is not meant to be a rude shut up. It is meant to be a “Yes, yes, I know that I am being illogical or full of denial or a dork” shut up)
7. I am the Queen of the Universe.

Seven celebrity crushes (okay, I have to update this because this was my old list):
1. Johnny Knoxville replaces Seth Green
2. Will Smith
3. Jason Statham (Yes! Transporter 2 in one month!
4. Vince Vaugh replaces Mark Wahlberg
5. Matt Damon replaces Halle Berry (She's still gorgeous but hello! Matt Damon. Yum)
6. Rowan Atkinson
7. Stanley Tucci

A few people I want to take this quiz:
Anyone who wants. I am not demanding. Shut up, Keem.