How was your weekend?

Every once in awhile, I will come across something that strikes me as funny and think "Hmm, this is funny. I want to be able to read it again later. Or read something by this person again." And I'll make a copy of the link and save it as a draft. And then I'll completely forget about it. Until months later, when I'm wandering around, searching through my posts for something (if only I would finish my stupid categories) and I'll come across it again. And then I'll read it again and think "Hey, this is funny."

Instead of just leaving it in my drafts again, I've decided to post the link here because, seriously, this is funny. No clue how I found this and it really has nothing to do with the rest of this post which is about this weekend but hey, did I mention that it's funny? It's about what not to do on a first date and believe me, this is some good advice. Not that I think any of us would actually do this but I think I may have dated the guy that this guy who wrote it is giving the advice to. Well, maybe not. The guy who is getting the advice? He might be a bit more classy than most of the men I've dated.

Anyway, so I had a good weekend. Matt (the boss) gave me a ride home on Friday because I switched shifts with Jessica B and worked until 7 PM. I have mentioned that I have the best boss in the world, right? And you know it's true because he doesn't even read my blog so all of this sucking up is in vain (Johnny, I forgot how to do the whole strike out thing again, can you let me know? Because I wanted to put the slash through the sucking up and put praise. Or Joe? Maybe you know how to do it? And why haven't you had a post lately? You do hate me, don't you? No, I'm not paranoid at all).

So Friday I played online to all hours of the night (big shock), both reading blogs and playing that evil Free Cell. Saturday, Keem and I went to a store that I cannot mention because when you do talk about this store, James goes into cardiac arrest because they are apparently evil and shopping there is akin to killing small children (Hint: Starts with a W, ends with a Mart) but he's pretty damn funny when he starts vanting so sometimes I will bring up something just to listen to him climb up on his soapbox about the W store or why a certain movie mogul is also evil (Hint: has a empire based on some movies that rhymes with Car Floors (which, honestly, I have about as much interest in watching as I would watching a movie about car floors).

After shopping, we went to eat at a Chinese restaurant that we both really like and ran into Jeff and his cousin. We then had to stop at Hancock Fabrics on the way home because Keem, who is making her Halloween costume for the Halloween party work is having next Saturday (this Saturday?), had bought all of her fabric, patterns, straight pins, etc. except for thread. Unfortunately sewing machines kind of require that you put thread in them for them to work.

I wandered around the store for awhile, looking for a tiara for my costume (Queen of the Universe but I thought I'd go for an actual tiara this year than the construction paper one I made last year), and then wandered back up to the front of the store where Keem was checking out. I then entertained myself by annoying Keem.

Here is last year's picture.



There was a bin of fabric flowers (the small ones that you might sew onto something if you needed to sew small fabric flowers onto something) for 10 cents. While Keem was checking out, I would search through the flowers and pull one out that I thought looked interesting.

DM: Wordlessly holding up some fabric flowers for Keem to look at.
Keem: Yes.
DM: Putting the flowers back and holding up some other flowers.
Keem: I see the flowers, Dana.
DM: Putting the flowers back and holding up other flowers. This time kind of waving them in her face because she hates that.
Keem: Yes, Dana, those are pretty flowers.

I glance over at the woman standing behind Keem. She has a perplexed look on her face. It dawns on me that she might actually think that I am "special" in not the normal special way used to describe me (you know, incredibly fun and exciting and willing to turn pirouettes in a parking lot and a tree hugger) but in the mentally handicapped way. Which bothers me not at all because if you want to make snap judgements about someone just because they are having a good time driving their roommate crazy, well, that's your problem. I'm not trying to mock anyone, mentally handicapped or otherwise, I am just the type of person that enjoys doing things a little bit different than the rest of the world. Let's put it this way - I don't just march to the beat of a different drummer, I have my own percussion section.

Beth has training today and had to be in Minneapolis at 8 AM. This is obviously a cruel joke visited on her by a boss with a vendetta against her (not sure who but it sounds good). Beth is not a morning person at all and doesn't work on Mondays usually and when she does work, doesn't start until 3 PM. So this 8 AM thing for her is complete and total torture while for me it is just a slight annoyance since I start at 8 AM every morning.

Not wanting to miss karaoke (because that would just be wrong), she had the bold plan to stay up as long as possible on Saturday night/Sunday morning and sleep as long as possible on Sunday afternoon/night and then stay up through Monday night. Now I know that this is possible to do because I was once 26 myself and did manage to stay up 24 to 48 hours in a row. But those days are far behind me.

Beth asked me to help her stay up and I, as nicely as possible, laughed in her face. I have been known to fall asleep during movies, scrapbooking and actual conversations when I have stayed over at Beth's. Nothing can keep me awake after a certain point, not Mountain Dew, coffee, etc. My body says "Screw you, Vittum. I don't like you anymore" and will shut down. But Beth is a good friend and so I said I would try to stay up as late as possible. I took my nap at about 8:30 PM and Beth called me at about 11:45 PM.

I was a little tired when she called and was not expecting to be very helpful at all but Beth is a tricky Beth and found the one thing that could keep me awake. She had been playing around with iTunes and discovered that she could download TV shows. Now Beth has made it quite clear to myself and our friends from karaoke that she is not overly fond of television. The only shows that she will watch, occasionally, is Law & Order & CSI: Miami (Because of the hotness of David Caruso). She did tolerate, while we were Portugal, the occasional Buffy and Angel episode but I think that was mainly because she's polite and was humoring Johnny and I. So, when she told me that she had downloaded the entire first season of Lost, I was somewhat amazed.

James had been talking about it at karaoke about what an amazing show it was (but he used the words fucking amazing a lot (He's a very passionate man about things, it's quite funny)) and Beth, when she picked me up, started telling about how the show was great and wonderful and addicting and she picked up on some of his mannerisms. James kind of talks like William Shatner.

Anyway, I am here to report that the damn show is as wonderful as they both said and I am seriously addicted. And I did not fall asleep at all. At noon, I was seriously contemplating if we could watch a few more episodes. Because sleep? Who needs it? Fortunately, Beth is usually much more rational than me and it is decided that sleep is more important than the episodes because if we don't go to bed soon, we'll end up sleeping through karaoke. And that would be bad.

I try to fall asleep on the trundle bed in the living room but have extremely freaky dreams where all of the men from Lost start turning into monsters (did I mention Beth downloaded Thriller as well since I'd never seen it) and I keep waking up, playing a couple of games of Alchemy and then go back to bed.

At about 7:30, Beth walks into the living room. We talk a little bit, I go to shower. As I am getting dressed, I start having some problems.

My left bra strap comes loose as I am pulling it into place. No. It's broken. Great. Beth doesn't have a safety pin so I end up cutting off the strap (Keem asked me yesterday when I was telling about this "Why didn't you just tie it?" My answer. "Crap. Didn't think about that.") and going with the one strap look bra-wise. It was quite attractive.

DM: Dammit. My bra strap broke.
B: Oh. That's not good.
DM: Do you know what else is not good?
B: No.
DM: I forgot to bring a clean pair of underwear. So I'm going commando.
B: I'd ask you if you were free balling but you don't have balls.
DM: No, I do not.

Karaoke was a lot of fun even though Angie and Amy were not there (Angie was sick). Karaoke is always fun.

When James got there, we let him know about how we hated him (no, not really) for making us addicted to the show. He was quite pleased to find out that we were hooked and wants us to catch up so we can talk about it next week. I have (of course, because I am a dork) started reading the transcripts to catch up on the shows that I didn't watch with Beth. That will not stop me from reading the rest of them. If I love a show, I can watch it over and over and over again and read all the transcripts and buy novels based off the show (occasionally. I prefer the novelizations as to the novels based off (but I have a ton of Buffy books. Who is surprised by that?))) and really want to get the action figures but talk myself out of it and try to talk my sister into naming her son Joss instead of Josh (she obviously said no way in hell).

And last night I stayed up until 11:30 reading Lost transcripts and playing Free Cell. Hmm. I think I have a somewhat addictive personality. What do you think?

Looking forward to Thursday. Beth doesn't close and so we have extra karaoke time and possibly hanging out with Liz. How cool is that?

Another Google Meme

From: Oh, c'mon. Guess. Who could it be? Why, it's frog! Yay, frog, for always having the best memes (by the by, Beth and I were discussing, how do you pronounce meme? I think it is meem. She thought it was either mem me or me me. What do you think?). She got this from Pilgrim Heretic.

Anyway, the Google meme is that you take your first name and write needs after it. I started it with DM but DM apparently does not just stand for Dana Marie but Dungeon Master and let's face it, I am dorky enough without bringing up the whole D&D thing again.

Although, some of these are cute.

DM needs tips & advice (yeah, that's true)
DM needs characters
DM needs a break

Okay. Let's try to see what Dana needs.

Dana needs a home (Got one, thanks).
Dana needs some breathing room (No, I'm cool).
Dana needs a friend (Got plenty).
Dana needs boards (Okaay. I think this is surfing related. Ha).
Dana needs to download slots (I have no clue).
Dana needs new headshots and monologues (Because I'm not dramatic enough, apparently).
Dana needs a lot of help (Hey!).
Dana needs to find another payment processor (or money. Money would be good).
Dana needs to tweak (Tweak what?).
Dana needs to get "Iran" and "Iraq" straightened out (Well, duh. Stupid Bush, messing with my universe. I would so make a better President).
Dana needs housekeepers (oh, God, yes).
Dana needs to serve all of these audiences well (Haven't heard any complaints yet).
Dana needs a career boost (Dana needs to marry a rich man who is indulgent and will let her blog full time).

I thought it was fun. You could try it. Memes are fun. We like them. And I don't tag, which makes me even cooler than ever, right? Right?

Wait. Am I supposed to be an octopus?

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Deer Animal You Were in a Past Life: Panda You are a fun-seeker - an adventurous, risk-taker. While you are spontaneous, you are not very rational.

The Animal Personality Test

I don't think I'm an octopus. And who needs to be rational? Rational is for suckers.

You Are Changing Leaves

Pretty, but soon dead.

What Part of Fall Are You?

Huh. Well, that's disturbing.

Your Birthdate: March 11

Your birth on the 11th day of the month makes you something of a dreamer and an idealist. You work well with people because you know how to use persuasion rather than force. There is a strong spiritual side to your nature, and you may have intuitive qualities inherent in your make up, too. You are very aware and sensitive, though often temperamental. Although you have a good mind and you are very analytical, you may not be comfortable in the business world. You are definitely creative and this influence tends to make you more of a dreamer than a doer.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Well, except for the analytical thing, it's pretty right on.

Your Monster Profile

Mad Goblin You Feast On: Armadillos You Lurk Around In: The Hearts of Men You Especially Like to Torment: Boys Who Wear Make-up

What's Your Monster Name?

Uh-oh. Mark, you better watch out. I did say the animal you reminded me of was an armadillo. And I have nothing against boys who wear make-up.

Kissing A Fool

On the confession meme I did the other day, I had checked the box "Kissed a stranger" and then said that maybe I would tell the stories. On my categories, this will fall under What Was I Thinking (WWIT)? I am not known for my brilliant decisions when it comes to romance.

Okay, the start of our tale takes place in the nineties. I think. Maybe the eighties. I was working for Major's at the time and this was before I had moved to Madison. Someday I am going to sit down and write a timeline for my life so I can figure out when all this stuff happened, instead of saying "Hmm, well, I think it was when I was 20 or 25? Maybe 30?"

Hey, look at that. I got distracted again. Big shock. Anyway, my friend Becky and I had gone bowling. Or dancing at the bowling alley. I'm not sure. And there was a bar. And there was alcohol. And there was Dana, feeling somewhat lonely and depressed and less than attractive. And there was a total scumbag who picked up on these feelings and swept in and started flirting with her.

Before I go farther, remember, I did say this was in the What Was I Thinking? category. This is probably one of the dumbest things I have ever done and it amazes me sometimes that I am a) not riddled with countless sexually transmitted diseases, b) the mother of many small children and c) dead because I was killed by some psycho.

So total scumbag (TS) was flirting with me, I had been drinking, I did not make a very wise decision. This decision was to leave with TS after making out with him in the bar. Because nothing says classy like public displays of affection with complete strangers. On our way to TS's apartment, he spun me a tale of finely crafted bullshit and I fell for it. According to TS, he shared his place with a somewhat psychotic woman who was extremely jealous of any woman that he brought home. So what he was going to do, for my protection, was leave me at the Embers near his place, while he went to make sure that she was gone.

Does your brain start ringing the alarm that something's just not right about this? That is good. That means that you're not an idiot. My brain's alarm obviously needed to have its batteries changed because nothing went through my mind that even slightly resembled the thought that "Hey! Moron! Maybe he's got a girlfriend? A wife? Maybe he's psychotic? Did you even think of that? How do you know you're not going to be chopped up into little pieces and fed to his man-eating dogs?"

I sit at Embers for awhile. And then he returns. He takes me to his apartment which is, quite frankly, a total pit (I know I shouldn't talk because honestly, I'm not the most clean person in the world, but even I don't have tater tots scattered on the floor). In his efforts to seduce me, he offers me some cocaine. I am about to turn him down because I never really saw the great pleasure of cocaine when I see, on the floor, a gun. My brain now decides to start flashing an alarm. "Hey! Did you see that? That's a gun! You can't turn him down! He might shoot you! Oh, my God! Just snort the damn cocaine. What's the worst that could happen?"

I'll tell you what the worst that could happen is...you snort, figuring that nothing will happen because coke never has any effect on you and then he laughs and says "You thought that was cocaine! It's not! It's crank! Hahahahaha!" Yeah. That's really funny. Thanks.

I am not going to go into much detail about my "relations" with TS, other than to say that we did not consumate our great love affair due to performance issues. Which is just as well.

So, you'd think that I would have learned from the crank incident, right? That I would have said "Hey, Dude, I need to go home now. Thanks, it's been ever so lovely. Hope I never see you again." No. Again, I was an idiot. So when he asked me to move in with him, I said sure. He was moving to a new place, away from his crazy psycho roommate and she didn't know where he lived.

Yes, I know. I'm sure you'll need time to shake your head in dismay. Perhaps slap your forehead in shock. It's nothing less than what I've done myself.

So I got some things together and brought them over to his new apartment. Like my TV, the book I was reading at the time, nothing major (fortunately I left my cat and Panda at my mom's house (which might have been why I wanted to move out so badly. I lived with my mom. (I've narrowed this down a bit, this was before I lived in Madison, so it was probably 1989-90))) and brought it over to his place. I also, in an act of sheer stupidity, gave him money. Because he knew a way that he could double my money. That night.

I know. If you want to come over here and slap me, it's okay. I'll be at the Chalet on Sunday. It'll be nice to see you even if you're beating me about the head.

So we're hanging around his new place, attempting to correct his previous performance problems (perhaps if he stopped using drugs and oh, maybe get an implant, he wouldn't have problems anymore (is that too much info?)), when there is a pounding on the door and screaming. A woman screaming. Huh. Looks like the psycho roommate figured out where his new place was. That's not good. Somehow he manages to calm her down (wait. Did he just mention a threesome? What? I don't think so) and tells me he is going to go back to his other apartment and get some stuff. He leaves me there.

A smart girl would have thought "Hmm. Here this guy has a psychotic roommate that seems very upset that he's brought a girl over to the apartment she knows nothing about. Plus, there was that whole threesome thing that he brought up. I'm not interested and he is having problems with just me, how is it going to work with two women? Ohhhh. I'm definately not interested. I wonder if there is more going on between them that he told me." A smart girl would have thought that. An idiot would decide to clean. Which, to this day, surprises me.

So I'm working in the kitchen, doing the dishes, wiping down the counters, etc., when I make a discovery. There is an apartment application on top of the fridge. I look at it (yes, I am nosy). Huh. Look at that. The application is for Total Scumbag and Total Scumbag's Wife.

WIFE! As in, he is married. And also, there's a child listed on the application. A child. I am horrified. When he returns, I do not confront him on this (still remembering the gun) and also avoid his attempts to continue where we left off before we were so rudely interrupted by his WIFE! The conversation (what little there was because he's not so brilliant (I may not have street smarts but dang it, I can discuss Shakespeare like no one's business)) has become stilted. TS and I really don't have anything in common except that I was drunk and stupid and he knew how to take advantage of that.

Soon after, he says it is time to make his transaction. He brings up the money thing again. I am still thinking of the gun so I give him some money (why I didn't use the money to take a cab, I do not know. I could have easily left when he was gallivanting around with his WIFE!), actually all of my money. My entire paycheck.

Yeah, we've been over this. I was an idiot, okay. I know it, you know it, half the Internet knows it. Why do you think I have a category called What Was I Thinking?

He drops me off at some bar in North Saint Paul. Cannot remember the name. I think it was Garrity's Lounge. He tells me he'll be back in an hour. And I wait. And wait some more. And wait even more. Hmm. What might have happened here? Has TS abandoned me? Is it possible that a man who lied to me about being married AND having a child may have taken off with my money as well? How could that be?

There is, across the bar, a man who has taken to smiling at me periodically. Perhaps he likes the somewhat panicked aura that I am giving off. I don't know. After about 3 hours, with no sign of TS, I look up to see the man standing there with a rose. He says something nice, something along the lines of "Hey, are you all right? You look somewhat upset."

He sits down and we start talking. He is the Lesser of the Two Evils but we'll just call him Les for short, okay? Les appears to be genuinely a nice guy. This is somewhat shocking to me because, and I think I've proven it by now, I don't have much luck with nice guys. I will give a bit more detail on why this is later.

The bar is about to close. There is no TS. Les asks me if I want to go and get breakfast. I have poured out my soul to him about how I have no money so he indicates that he will pay. I agree and we leave, I clutching my rose and his outstretched hand, looking through the parking lot to see if there is the faintest inkling that TS might be returning to rescue me from my self imposed boredom (Because, seriously, what was I thinking that I did not bring a book with me? C'mon).

Les takes me to some restaurant that I do not remember now but I was amused to see that it was across the street from the Embers I had been the previous night. We are talking and I suddenly start shaking. Uncontrollably. I am cold or shocked or both or something. Les comes to my side of the table and puts his arm around me. This is helpful. Our breakfast arrives and then Les makes fatal mistake number 1, he starts feeding me the sausage. This is wrong on two counts. First of all, I am quite capable of eating my own breakfast, thank you very much. Two, if you are doing this as a suggestive, "Hey, I have a sausage of my own, doesn't this just turn you on ever so much?" the correct answer would be no. If you are going to use a food to symbolize girth, I would suggest trying something a bit larger, say a bratwurst or maybe a large parsnip.

Anyway, as I'm sure you all know what is going to happen next, Les ends up bringing me to his apartment.

I know. My God, what was I thinking? Do I have any self-respect at all? Obviously not. Well, at the time. This is the only good thing about many years of celibacy, it makes you think about past "relationships" and why they were not so good. Oh, by the way, "relationship" is in quotes because what I really mean when I say relationship here is "laughingly pathetic attempt at a romantic encounter."

We then begin what has been one of my healthier "relationships" over the years. This is not my longest "relationship" (6 months), this is not my most romantic "relationship" (with a man 7 years younger than me, remember Dane?), this is not even the "relationship" where I got engaged. Les was a good guy. He was nice, treated me well and was pretty sweet.

So what happened? Why am I not still with Les?

That's a good question. I'd be happy to answer that for you.

I have this problem (or did. It's been so long since I've been in a "relationship" that I couldn't tell you if I still have the same problem). When I get involved with someone, I suddenly change from Dana, fun and exciting but a little flaky individual, into Dana, clinging woman who can't make a decision all on her own and must rely on her big strong man. In short, I become a woman that I absolutely hate. A woman who cannot exist without a man in her life. I become the opposite of me. And my whole reasoning for it is that I am becoming what I think the guy wants. Why I think they want this, I don't know. Because hey, how better than to keep a man than to completely bury the fun and exciting Dana that they met and bring out Clingy Dana? Gee, I'm amazed I'm not writing advice columns.

So Les and I simply didn't have a chance. He was not perfect either, I will never forget the time when he became very ill and I stayed home from work to take care of him. He sent me to the store to get some medicine for him and they did not have what he wanted. I made an educated guess and purchased something else (tablets instead of liquid) and came back home (we weren't technically living together but I did spend a lot of time over there). He was extremely cranky, somewhat understandable because he couldn't swallow very well, had cold sores all over and inside his mouth. He saw what I had bought and threw a complete hissy fit, how did I expect him to swallow the pills? Why didn't I get him the liquid? What was I thinking by buying orange juice? That would hurt his cold sores! Why was I so stupid? Um, excuse me? I tried being very supportive but calling me stupid does not go far towards winning my everlasting love.

The last time I saw Les, he had agreed to go to my friend Illya's party with me. Illya's first name was Louis but everyone called him Illya (cool name, huh?). He was born on New Year's Day at 12:10 and his parties were a blast. Some facts about Illya: He spoke Russian, used to have his own cable show (humor, his sense of humor was quite bizarre), liked the Beatles and, if I remember right, wanted to be a clown (I forgave him for that). He is the guy who told me once when we were playing a game we had kind of made up ourselves that if I was a movie, I would be a romantic porno and that when I found the right guy, I was going to explode with love all over him and he would be the luckiest guy in the world. Sweet, huh?

So I went all out, I had this really gorgeous dress that I was going to wear (olive green jumper with kind of a sexy overalls look), garter belt, thigh high nylons, new shoes, etc. I did my makeup perfectly and looked great. I had spoken to Les at about 6 PM and he told me he would be there to pick me up at 7 PM. And then I waited. And waited some more. I went outside and had a few cigarettes. My New Year's Resolution was to quit smoking and I wanted to get as many in as possible before I had to give them up. I should state right here that this wasn't my choice. Les hated the fact that I smoked and so I was quitting for him.

I know. Not for myself. Him.

7:30 came around. I tried calling. No answer. Well, obviously he's on his way and is just running late.

8:00. No Les. No answer.

9:00. WTF is going on here? Where is he?

Nineish. Call over to Illya's. Ask to talk to Becky. Tell Becky that I've obviously been stood up and that I'm going to bed. I am holding back the tears. Becky can tell.

Becky says "There is no way I am leaving you alone on New Year's Eve. I'm coming to get you."

She proceeds to drive from Minneapolis to Mahtomedi on New Year's Eve. Isn't that great? That was the perfect way to help me feel better, knowing that my friend cared enough to come and get me so I didn't have to be alone. I loved her for that.

When she picked me up, I was upset but, after talking to her on the car ride back to Illya's, decided that I was better off without Les. It didn't take very long for me to shed the Clinging Dana personality and go back to my normal personality, the Dana that did what she wanted and damn the consequences. This Dana is the one that decided that "Hey! Screw this quitting smoking thing. I have decided to make my New Year's resolution something fun and exciting."

I bet you'll never be able to guess what I chose. Go ahead. Try guessing.

I decided my New Year's resolution was to kiss every man in the apartment.

It was probably one of the best nights of my life. There is a video of the whole evening and you can see me, my face flushed, laughing with my friends and planning my next stage of attack. I sparkled, Les was forgotten and I had such a great time. I think I even kissed the really creepy guy that no one knew. Not positive.

I never did hear or see from Les again. I did, however, hear from TS. About a week or two after he abandoned me, I received a phone call at the bowling alley. He tried to weasel his way into seeing me again. I told him no way in hell. I should have said yes, shown up with a ton of my male friends and got my money and stuff back but I wrote him off as a learning experience. Learning experience would be "Don't trust everyone you meet, you door knob!"

Now that I've had the enforced years of celibacy (which may not actually be 8 years. I'm bad with the math and I think Beth and I figured it might only be six or seven. But I laugh at these numbers (MWAHAHAHAHA) and say six, seven or eight, it's still a really freakin' long time), I like to think that I've learned a lot and become someone who doesn't believe I need a man in my life to make me happy*. The What Was I Thinking? train has pulled into the station and I feel no need to board it again.

*That's not saying that it wouldn't be nice if Gil looked at me one day and was filled with an uncontrollable desire to freakin' kiss me already!

Title, of course, comes from George Michael. I'm not sure who the fool was in my tale, perhaps me, perhaps TS and Les. Maybe all three of us? You decide.

Kissing A Fool - George Michael

You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death, and from my heart
Strange that you were strong enough
To even make a start
But you'll never find
Peace of mind
Til you listen to your heart

People
You can never change the way they feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will
If you let them
Steal your heart from you

People
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all
We should have seen love through

Fooled me with the tears in your eyes
Covered me with kisses and lies
So goodbye
But please don't take my heart

You are far
I'm never gonna be your star
I'll pick up the pieces
And mend my heart
Maybe I'll be strong enough
I don't know where to start
But I'll never find
Peace of mind
While I listen to my heart

People
You can never change the way they feel
Better let them do just what they will
For they will
If you let them
Steal your heart

And people
Will always make a lover feel a fool
But you knew I loved you
We could have shown them all

But remember this
Every other kiss
That you ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man
One you really can surrender with
I will wait for you
Like I always do
There's something there
That can't compete with any other

You are far
When I could have been your star
You listened to people
Who scared you to death, and from my heart
Strange that I was wrong enough
To think you'd love me too
I guess you were kissing a fool
You must have been kissing a fool

Not really surprising, is it?

You are Kermit the Frog.
You are reliable, responsible and caring. And you
have a habit of waving your arms about
maniacally.

FAVORITE EXPRESSIONS:
"Hi ho!" "Yaaay!" and
"Sheesh!"
FAVORITE MOVIE:
"How Green Was My Mother"

LAST BOOK READ:
"Surfin' the Webfoot: A Frog's Guide to the
Internet"

HOBBIES:
Sitting in the swamp playing banjo.

QUOTE:
"Hmm, my banjo is wet."


What Muppet are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I thought she'd never ask

Diana posted this just recently and asked me to answer it for her. I am always willing to please but didn't want to bury it in my old post. So here goes.

Oh, anyone else that didn't respond the first time can leave their name in the comments and I'll be happy to answer it for you as well.

To refresh your memory, here's the meme.

Leave your name and...
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll try to say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your blog.

Here's what Diana said about me.

1. You are the Queen of the Universe (obvious) and you don't mind being photographed with a cat toy on your head.
2. "It's The End Of The World As We Know It And I Feel Fine" (R.E.M.) I can't not sing and dance along with this song. It is optimistic, has you laughing as you try to get all the words out, and always makes me feel better. Effexor in a song.
3. 1-2-3 Jell-O, Orange flavored. It is most flamboyant and has layers.
4. I live vicariously through you.
5. You and the lovely Beth actually hopped a plane and journeyed to see Johnny in Portugal. You DID the dream!
6. An otter. Otters are happy, silly, and always make others laugh, plus, they are up for anything.
7. OK, I know WHY karaoke, but when did you first do it and who was with you. Also, was a dare involved?
8. You already did it, you started it in our little circle, trendsetter, you.

I love her. Does she know me or does she know me?

My answer to the karaoke question was "Karaoke. Hmm. It actually came up once because Matt said he was going and Beth and I went and it was okay. And then we went to another place and we met Bryan and we were hooked from song 1. The man can sing. And then we became friends with him and Liz and James and that was the best thing ever. No. There was no dare. I love singing. It reminds me of acting."

So here you go, Diana. Enjoy.

1. You write the most intriguing gardening posts that I have ever read.
2. Bohemian Like You by the Dandy Warhols. It is my favorite song from the Radio Sunnydale CD that I have (besides Pavlov's Bell by Aimee Mann). It is upbeat and weird and funny and every time I hear it (a lot since it is on my Confusion City playlist) I think of you. It is usually the thought "Stupid iTunes, why do you hate me and not let me burn a CD so I can send Diana really fun and exciting music? Why?" But iTunes does not respond. Which is probably a good thing. That and Crazy In Love by Kane (also on Confusion City playlist. Not that I'm in love. Because I'm not) for the same reason. And iTunes still does not respond to my pleas. Stupid iTunes.
3. The Cook and Serve Jell-O chocolate pudding that my grandmother used to make for me. With Cool Whip. We can make a huge pudding in a cloud. Mmm. Chocolate.
4. We have both made misguided hair styling decisions in cutting our own hair.
5. You left a comment about how you had clicked the links for the Bring Johnny to Minnesota fund because if anyone deserved to eat crap on a stick, it was Johnny. That made me laugh and go check out your blog where I promptly decided that you were ever so cool.
6. Okay, this is kind of weird. The first thing that popped into my head was not an animal. It was a nurse log. I remember reading about them in a Nora Roberts book (can't think of the name right now but it was excellent, as they always are. Oh! River's End) and thinking that was the coolest thing ever. And I like trees. A nurse log, for those not in the know, is a tree that, even after death continues to bring life forth, seedlings will sprout from it. And I thought that was cool. I think it is because you are a doctor and a gardener is the reason why I thought of it because you are continuously bringing forth life and that is cool. Am I making sense? If I was forced to choose an animal, I would have to say anteater - because I loved the anteater from the Pink Panther cartoons and hated that stupid smart aleck ant and since you have declared war on the bugs, it works.
7. Will you adopt me? I think you are quite possibly the coolest Mom ever (outside my own Mother. And my sister (crap! I'm going to get into so much trouble. (Nah. They don't read my blog. Dang them))). Some people would say that, at 38, I do not need to be adopted but they would be wrong. And Keem told me today that she is not my mother and I should learn to roll up my own sleeves. And she told me I couldn't hug Tree anymore. She is very mean. If adoption is not in the cards, how about coming out to Saint Paul and cleaning my room? It is taking far too long because I am a) lazy and b) a slob. I know you are not old enough to be my mother but since someone once referred to me as Beth's mom at karaoke, we could pretend that you had me when you were, what? Negative Five?
8. You've already done this! Yay!

This time I missed the bus - Updated

Mainly because I am lazy and didn't feel like going outside but that's not the point. So I bring you memes.

Update - Okay. After much struggling and hair pulling I think I have it. Blogger is still telling me that my html cannot be accepted but I am laughing at them! Laughing! HAHAHAHAHAHAHahaa...urg. Please let it work now. Please.

I discovered a wonderful new site called blogthings through Teri. It rocks because they do the html for you. I love them.

Your Hair Should Be Red

Passionate, fiery, and sassy.You're a total smart aleck who's got the biggest personality around.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

My hair is red. Sort of. It is time to dye it again.

I was also told I should get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts) but I didn't feel like posting that.

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system.And while this may not seem big, it can be.It's people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes.You're just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

They used one of my favorie words - thwart! Do I rock the boat? I wouldn't think that I am a boat rocker.

Your Daddy Is Patrick Stewart

What You Call Him: Dada Why You Love Him: He gives good spankings

Who's Your Daddy?

Oh dear. Well, he is kind of hot but that's just so wrong.

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead...But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself.You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place.You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

Hmm. Perhaps I need to work on my evil plan to take over the world. Other people might beat me to it.

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent.Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic DesignerIllustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

Huh. Perhaps it's time to look for a career change. Nah. Where else can I blog between calls?

You Are Chinese Food

Exotic yet ordinary.People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Sweet. I'm exotic. Hey! What's this ordinary crap?

Gummy Bears

You may be smooshie and taste unnatural, but you're so darn cute.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

Yep. That's me. Darn cute.

Your Personality Is

Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

The Three Question Personality Test

Whoa. They figured this out with 3 questions. Wow.

Bring Me Some Water

Karaoke was good on Sunday night. It always is. There were some interesting high lights.

Beth calls me to make sure I am awake when she is leaving her Dad's. I was standing in the bathroom, trying to make sense of my hair, when the phone rang.

B: It's time to put on makeup. It's time to dress up right. It's time to get ready for the Bryan show tonight.
DM: Okay. Were you watching the Muppet Show?
B (Giggles): Yes!

I was glad to hear that. I had not planned on wearing makeup so when she first started singing it, I was a little confused.

Bobby doesn't even ask anymore what I want to drink. I used to be strict Diet Coke with slices of lime. Then it was water. Then it was back to the Diet Coke. Now I'm back on the water, with a ton of ice (makes it so much easier to drink if it is ice cold). I was shocked to see, when I did the Google Images meme, that water is now my favorite drink. I tried Mountain Dew but the images just didn't appeal to me. The same with the Buttery Nipple. They are both something that I allow for myself very seldom - as a treat. So water won. When you think of all the problems I had when I first gave up Mountain Dew. Sheesh.

Angie came in and was showing us her new t-shirt. It is a picture of two cows, wearing sunglasses and with boxer shorts around their ankles. The caption is "Full Moooooon in Wisconsin." I was not aware that cows typically wore sunglasses or boxer shorts but I am a city girl so what do I know? She also had a brochure from none other than the vacation spot we all have dreamt about visiting...Austin, Minnesota. Austin, Minnesota has the Spam Museum. Yeah. We were all a little afraid as well. Angie said she was going to give it to Steve and tell him that's where they can go on their next date. And, I have to say, after reading the brochure, I'm kind of intrigued. Because they have Spam Ballet.

Beth thought it was a good idea for me to tell the story of my romantic faux pas. Which I did, to great laughter. Which reminds me. Is Neil Patrick Harris gay? Because Jeff had friends over last night and I mentioned my love for him (NPH as Angie has started calling him (when I hurried to switch the channel from the quite appalling Wife Swap to How I Met Your Mother)). We had the following conversation.

DM (to Jeff): Are you leaving?
J: Yes.
DM: Oh, good. Now I can watch my show.
Jeff's Friend (I think his name is Derrick but I am horrible with names and I've only met him one other time): What show?
DM: How I Met Your Mother. It has Neil Patrick Harris on it and I love him. He is hot.
JF: He's a homo (the only reason he did not die for this statement is because he is gay).
DM: So? He's still hot.
JF: That's true. I used to have a crush on him. I'll fight you for him.
DM: Okay (No, we did not fight).

I have a confession to make. I am an olive thief. The Chalet has these gorgeous green olives in the drink tray thing and I steal them. Bobby is okay with this because he hates olives. Part of the fun of stealing the olives is stabbing at them with the little plastic swords. Beth decided to steal a pickle, also using a little plastic sword. For some reason, I thought it would be fun to sword fight with her. This was a mistake. The reason it is a mistake is that Beth has no qualms of poking me with the little sword. And plastic, even though not lethal, still hurts! After she got me several times, I told her I was telling Amy. When Amy came back to the table after , this is what she was greeted by.

DM: Amy, Beth poked me with the sword and it hurts!
B: She's the one that started it! She decided she wanted to sword fight!
DM: But she poked me!
Amy: Stop sword fighting, children.

She sounded really mom like and everything. I was scared (no, not really).

Beth and I actually danced. I can't remember what song it was to but we went up with Amy and Angie and other people and moved tables so we could form a dance floor and we danced. Badly but yet dancing was involved. And then we talked Bobby's dad, Tom Collins, into singing Build Me Up Buttercup so we could dance even more. We even danced to I Like Big Butts when Amy and Angie sang it. We are thinking that we were probably under an evil spell. Well, that's my theory. Beth might think something else.

It was busy and kind of crazy (see above paragraph about dancing) and Liz sat up at the bar when she came in. James joined her afterwards and we were pleasantly surprised to see Stephanie come in. We have not see her for quite some time. She even sang one of my favorite songs with Bryan (okay, favorite song that they sing together, not my favorite song), When the Stars Go Blue which is by the Corrs, featuring Bono. Which I really need to download from iTunes. I love it when they sing this song because Bryan imitates Bono and it is hilarious. And then Stephanie starts laughing and that is fun as well.

Angie, Amy and company (Sarah and Shannon came up for a little while as well) left fairly early. Both Sarah and Amy have to work early and Angie was driving her brother's truck with his "Whiskey" plates (apparently that's the nickname for drunk driver plates) so she was worried about possibly getting pulled over if she left at closing time. We eventually ended up at the bar with Liz, James and Stephanie.

Highlight of the Chalet experience: Listening to Liz tell us about how she absolutely loved the movie Annie as a child and her Mom was out of town one weekend and her Dad would do work around the house and let her watch the movie over and over again and so when her Mom got home, Liz knew all of the lines and the choreography for the songs. She can still do them now.

Lowlight of the Chalet experience: Watching this PERSON touch Gil. Repeatedly.
"Oh, you're so funny, Gil. Oh, let me scratch your back, Gil. Oh, let me drive Dana insane with jealously, Gil." I was complaining to Beth about it in the car and she said "Good thing you didn't see them kiss." ARGH!!!! She did explain that she thought it was just a friendly kiss but still...ARGH again! We have also determined that my love life, pathetic as it is, is still better than hers. Her reasoning is that, yes, I adore Gil and absolutely nothing is coming of it but at least I am not getting hit on by women, married men with children, drunkards, etc. Also, I at least get to see the guy that I like occasionally instead of every other month like Beth.

After karaoke, Beth and I decided to go to Krispy Kreme. Because donuts? They are good. And we're sick of Taco Bell, the only other restaurant open past 2 PM in the area. We each ordered six donuts (some for breakfast) and drove to my apartment to sit and talk for a little bit.

Beth should never be allowed to have sugar again. The last time I saw her this goofy was when she was on codeine. That was an experience. She had two donuts to my three and completely flipped out. She was giggly and, well, the best word to describe it would be insane.

An example:

B (touching my nose. She used to do this to Char all the time and it would completely throw Char off and we would laugh and laugh): Nose!
DM: Yes.
B: Nose! Chin! Nose!
DM: Dork.
B: Nose! Chin! Forehead! Nose!
DM: Ow! Zit (her finger missed and she poked the huge zit right underneath my nose)!
B: Zit! Zit!

She is trying to poke the zit again but I am keeping her hand away from me. So she starts tickling me. The one defense I have against Beth when she tickles me is that she is highly ticklish, even more than me, and she is also open to the suggestion of tickling. In other words, if you make a tickling gesture at her, she will start giggling. It's quite fun.

She tires of the tickling and goes for the zit again but I am now covering the lower half of my face with my hand.

Beth: Forehead! Nose! Chin! Forehead! Chin!
DM: That was my nose.
Beth: I know. I missed.
DM: Okaaaaay.
Beth: Cheen (as she touches my cheek)!
DM: What?
Beth: I meant Cheek! But hey, I was close. They both start with CH.
DM: That's true.
Beth: And I got the ee's in there. I was doing it for you. Because you like ee's.

I cannot guarantee that this is an exact transcript of our conversation but it's very close. And that will lead us all to the conclusion that Beth is a perfectly nice, normal person. Until she has sugar. And then she just gets bizarre. Unlike me, who is always bizarre and sugar has little or no effect on me.

Our title comes from the water reference. No other reason. I certainly didn't use it because I am jealous. So there.

Bring Me Some Water - Melissa Etheridge

Tonight I feel so weak
But all in love is fair
I turn the other cheek
And I feel the slap and the sting of the foul night air
And I know you’re only human
And I haven’t got talking room
But tonight while I’m making excuses
Some other woman is making love to you

Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see I’m burning alive
Can’t you see my baby’s got another lover
I don’t know how I’m gonna survive
Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see it’s out of control
Baby’s got my heart and my baby’s got my mind
But tonight the sweet devil’s got my soul

When will this aching pass
When will this night be through
I want to hear the breaking glass
I only feel the steel of the red hot truth
And I’d do anything to get it out of my mind
I need some insanity that temporary kind
Tell me how will I ever be the same
When I know that woman is whispering your name

Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see I’m burning alive
Can’t you see my baby’s got another lover
I don’t know how I’m gonna survive
Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see it’s out of control
Baby’s got my heart and my baby’s got my mind
But tonight the sweet devil’s got my soul

Oh, the devil’s got my soul

Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see I’m burning alive
Can’t you see my baby’s got another lover
I don’t know how I’m gonna survive
Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see it’s out of control
Baby’s got my heart and my baby’s got my mind
But tonight the sweet devil’s got my soul

Stupid Bus! It did it to me again!

Argh. I am cranky. I hate the bus. This is the 2nd time it has not been there when it was supposed to be. When the stupid website said it was supposed to be. MTC lies!

So I bring you a meme because I will be here until 7 because once again my incredibly wonderful boss is going to give me a ride home. Which means I will miss Arrested Development but that is okay. As long as I get to watch How I Met Your Mother. Because I love Doogie Howser (am I even spelling Howser right? I have no clue).

Confessions Meme
X marks the confession.

Via Frog via delany.

----------------------------

[] I am bisexual.
[] I am homosexual.

[x] I've run away from home.

I was 5. I packed up Panda, some clothes and headed out the door. I got all of 2 feet before Mom told me to get back inside.

[x] I listen to political music.

If you count Bree Sharp and Melissa Etheridge, then yes, I do.

[] I collect(ed) comic books.

I own one. It doesn’t really count.

[] I shut others out when I'm sad.

[x] Open up to others easily.

[x] Keeping a secret from the world.

Not so much the world as keeping a secret from Gil.

[] I watch the news.
[] I own over 5 rap CDs.

[x] I own an iPod.

[x] I own something from Hot Topic.

I found this Saturday when I was cleaning. It is a “Bad Kitty” license plate holder. I offered it to Jeff but he turned me down. I guess I’ll have to hold out for my El Camino. I also have the “Bad Kitty” CD case and a “Bad Kitty” bumper sticker.

[x] I love Disney movies.

My favorite is Sleeping Beauty.

[x] I am a sucker for eyes.

[x] I don't kill bugs.

No. They freak me out. I do not touch them if I can help it.

[X] I curse regularly.

[] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.

[] I like Spam.

No. But Keem does. She’s a freak.

[x] I bake well.

I can bake. I just don’t do it very often.

[x] I would wear pajamas to school.

My plan, when I become President (or officially Queen of the Universe), is that we will all wear large pink nightgowns because clothes are evil.

[] I own something from Abercrombie.

[x] I have a job.

[] I love Martha Stewart.

[] I am in love with someone.

No! No, I am not. I am in like with someone.

[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.

I would be forced to beat myself repeatedly about the head if I ever did that.

[x] I am self conscious.

[x] I like to laugh.

[] I smoke a pack a day.
[] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[] I can't swallow pills.

[x] I have many scars.

Mainly on my hands.

[x] I've been out of this country.

[x] I believe in ghosts.

[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.

Do I know that there’s a spider? Why is there a spider? Oh, my God!

[x] I am really ticklish.

[x] I love chocolate.

[x] I bite my nails.

[x] I am comfortable with being me.

[x] I play computer games/video games when I'm bored.

[x] Gotten lost in the city.

[x] Saw a shooting star.

Well, I thought it was. It actually was a plane.

[] I had a serious Surgery.

[x] Gone out in public in your pajamas.

Yeah, they look like capris and a tank top.

[x] I have kissed a stranger.

Yes. Several times. I’ll tell the stories some other time.

[x] Hugged a stranger.

[] Been in a fist fight with the same sex.
[] Been arrested.

[x] Laughed and had your drink come out of your nose.

[] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[] Made out in an elevator.

[x] Swore at your parents.

[] Kicked a guy where it hurts.
[] Been skydiving.
[] Been bungee jumping.
[] Broken a bone.

[x] Played spin the bottle.

[] Gotten stitches.
[] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.

[x] Bit someone.

[] Been to Niagara Falls.

[x] Gotten the chicken pox.

[x] Crashed into a car.

[] Been to Japan.

[x] Ridden in a taxi.

[x] Been fired.

[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.

[x] Stole something from your job

[x] Gone on a blind date.

[] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.

[x] Been to Europe.

[x] Slept with a co-worker

[] Been married.
[] Gotten divorced.

[x] Saw someone dying.

[] Driven over 400 miles in one day.

[x] Been to Canada.

[x] Been on a plane.

[x] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[] Thrown up in a bar.
[] Eaten Sushi.
[] Been snowboarding.

[x] Been skiing.

[x] Been ice skating.

[x] Met someone in person from the internet.

[] Been to a motocross show.

[x] Going to or have gone to college.

[x] Done hard drugs.

[x] Taken painkillers.

Open Mouth. Insert Foot.

I went to karaoke last night (okay, on Thursday night. I started this on Friday). I know. You're all shocked. Dana? Went to karaoke? On a Thursday? What is the world coming to? But I did and it was, as usual, really freakin' cool.

I have been having some issues with getting up lately. Yesterday I woke up when my alarm went off and had the following things happen:

6:15 AM Woke up. Glared at alarm clock.
6:15:15 AM Slapped alarm clock in anger (well, actually hitting snooze alarm).
6:15:30 AM Climbed back into bed.
6:25 AM Alarm went off again! Dammit!
6:25:15 AM Turned alarm off.
6:25:30 AM Sat down at computer.
6:25:31 AM Thought "I'll just check my email."
6:50 AM After surfing a ton of blogs and my email, think "I should probably figure out what time the bus comes at."
6:51 AM Curse as I realize that the next bus that will get me to work at 7:25 will be arriving in ten minutes. This is not enough time to get ready.
6:52 AM Decide to take 7:45 bus that will get me to work at 8:10. 10 minutes isn't that horrible. I can make it up easily.
6:53 AM Decide to play Free Cell.
7:15 AM Tell myself to stop playing Free Cell. Self says back "Oh, I can play one more game."
7:25 AM One more game has, in fact, turned into ten more games. Must stop playing Free Cell. Must!
7:26 AM Pet Eddy when he comes whining at me. He misses his Keem (she is in Fargo for a long weekend (7 days! What the heck is that?)).
7:35 AM Crap. I only have ten minutes to get ready. That won't work.
7:36 AM Play some more Free Cell.
8:00 AM Call work. Talk to manager (not mine). Tell him I am running late and will be in as soon as possible.
8:05 AM Take shower.
8:15 AM Turn off shower.
8:15:15 AM Turn shower back on. I am cold! Dang it! Stupid Minnesota. It's not supposed to be this cold in October.
8:25 AM Get out of shower. Get dressed. Go to see what time the bus comes at.
8:26 AM Curse as I realize that the bus will be leaving, well, now. Dang it!
8:27 AM Talk to Jeff. He wants to go online. Okay.
8:27:15 AM Change shirts 3 times because I have to wear something pink because my stupid hair is too dang long and I have to wear a stupid headband and I only own one stupid headband and it is pink. Do not like anything I am wearing. Decide to wear black. Pink and black work together.
8:35 AM Talk to Jeff about why I don't want to go to work (it is cold and gloomy) but I am going to because I am a dedicated employee (who doesn't have any PTO left and can't afford to miss another day of work because I would end up on a warning and that would be bad).
8:45 AM Jeff leaves. Say goodbye.
8:46 AM Go back to room. Play Free Cell.
8:55 AM Go to store in building. Buy breakfast (Bagelwurst. Yum).
9:00 AM Heat breakfast in microwave.
9:01 AM Tell store owner (Scott) that yes, he can lock me in while he runs an errand.
9:02 AM Breakfast is done. Yes. Yummy Bagelwurst. It is hot. Blow on it. That is not effective.
9:05 AM Breakfast eaten. Mouth burning.
9:06 AM Scott has returned. Say goodbye.
9:07 AM Walk down to bus stop. Turn on iPod.
9:07:15 AM Go to sit down in bus shelter. Smell horrible smell. What is that? What? Ew! Did someone actually defecate in the bus shelter? Oh, my God! That is pathetic.
9:07:25 AM Hurry away from smell.
9:07:30 AM Get bored with standing. Start walking to sign halfway down block. Turn around and walk back to street corner. Repeat many times. Hmm. Perhaps I would walk more if I continued to listen to music. This is an interesting concept.
9:15 AM Board bus. Ignore ache in back from excessive walking. Walking is our friend. We like to walk. Walkity walk walk.
9:40 AM Arrive at work. Tell manager (not my own) that I was having problems getting motivated because I wasn't feeling good. Yeah. Like you'd tell them you were playing Free Cell.
9:42 AM While waiting for computer to boot up, I take electrical tape from drawer and repair jacket. There is not enough electrical tape in the world to fix my coat. I am going to have to get rid of it. Dammit!

I deal with work, ask Matt (the boss) if I can make up my time today, he is okay with that. Work is over. Now the plan is, I will go home and take a nap. Because I need to rest for karaoke. So I check the bus schedule. Bus comes at 5:05. Cool. I ask Laurie (co-worker) to tell me to leave at 4:50 because I have to go get money for a cab. She does.

I am outside at 5:00. Walking to the bus, I feel my right shoe suddenly become looser. I look down and see that the strap on my sandle (I know. It's 45 degrees and I'm wearing sandles. What am I thinking?) is flapping. Huh. I go to fix it and realize that the strap didn't just detach itself, it broke. My favorite pair of sandals are broken. This is not good. This also means that I can't walk while I wait for the bus because the shoe keeps threatening to fall off and I am not walking barefoot.

I wait, reading my Perry Mason casebook (I love Perry Mason). Time goes by. I am very cold. I put gloves on (rarely wear) because my hands are turning white. Glance at watch. It is 5:10. Hmm. The bus seems to be running late. That's all right, I'll wait some more. Finally, at 5:20, I realize that the bus is not coming.

I walk back inside. I am greeted by Orrie (another co-worker). "You're back," he says. I tell him that the bus did not come. My co-workers, lovely people that they are, all laugh. In a "Gosh, we're sorry" sort of way. I ask Matt if he will give me a ride home since I am giving up on the stupid bus. I hate you, stupid bus.

While talking to Matt about how my ordeal, I mention that I will have to throw my coat away.

M: Why?
DM: There's not enough electric tape to make it look good.

He looks puzzled. I stand up and turn around. He convulses with laughter.

M: Is that leather?
DM: No. It's faux leather.
M: Well, maybe that's why it's fauxing apart.
DM: Ha. Haha. You're so funny.

I then spend the rest of the evening (until 7) surfing the web and working on memes. I love memes. Matt gives me a ride home and I then go and take a nap to prepare for karaoke.

Although I have set my alarm, I manage to sleep through it. Of course. Because that's the kind of day I am having. It is about 11:30 when I wake up and I hurriedly get dressed. I call Beth.

B: Hi.
DM: Hello. I'm running late.
B: Are you calling from the cab?
DM: No. I'm going to call one now.
B: Why don't I come and pick you up? I'm almost to Little Canada road right now.
DM: Oh. Okay.
B: See you in 7 minutes.
DM: Cool.

I go downstairs and wait, realizing that I have left my book at work. Dang it. That is 7 minutes of non-reading time. That's all right, though. I am tough. I will survive. Beth picks me up and our ride to the Chalet is filled with laughter as we catch up on each other's week. It is worth being extremely tired on Mondays and Fridays to be able to spend this time with her.

The Chalet is not as crowed as usual and there are tables open but Beth and I choose to sit at the bar. It's a little more quiet over there. We are not there very long when Liz walks in. We start talking about work and then I have to run to the bathroom. When I come back, I see that James is there. He's not usually there on Thursdays so it is a nice surpise.

James and Bryan start playing darts so Beth, Liz and I are talking. Some extremely drunk man comes and sits down next to me. He is a friend of the bartender, Jamie, and is kind of annoying. When someone starts singing something by Neil Diamond (can't remember what it was), he starts singing along, very loudly, interrupting our conversation several times when he tries to get us to sing with him. I don't know what it is about alcohol that immediately makes some people thing that they are the most fascinating people in the world. But they are wrong!

There was the following conversation about television. Beth does not normally watch television but she was flipping through the channels to watch CSI: Miami (My God, what's his name is hot. You know. The red haired guy that plays Horatio. I don't remember his name right now and I am too tired to Google it) and discovered that she has TNT so she can watch Law and Order episodes (this has nothing to do with this post but she was telling me last week about an episode of L&O that she saw and this guy was saying he wasn't a drug dealer and one of the cops said "No. You just collect rare cocaine." Hi-larious!) which is one of the few television shows she likes.

James (J): You should be watching Arrested Development (or something like that).
DM: I can't. I take naps on Sunday for karaoke.
J: It's on Mondays now.
DM: Oh. Yeah. But I can't. We watch How I Met Your Mother.
J: That's on at 7:30. Arrested Development is on at 7:00.
DM: Oh. Okay, I'll watch it.
J: Well, you've missed the two best episodes of the season.
B: How I Met Your Mother? Did they go to Philadelphia to lick the Liberty Bell?
DM: Yes! How did you know?
B: I was flipping through the channels and saw it. Something about going to Philadelphia to lick the crack and then I realized that they were talking about the Liberty Bell.
DM: I love that show.

I launch into a brief description of why I love the show which pretty much stems down to the fact that Neil Patrick Harris is hot and I love his character, Barney. Barney and Ted (in case you've not seen the show) are best friends and Barney is always getting Ted to do crazy things. Such as fly to Philadelphia on the spur of the moment. At one point, Keem turned to me and said "You do realize that you're Barney and I'm Ted, right?" Which was silly of her to say because Duh. That is obvious. I am Dory to her Marlon, Barney to her Ted, Jack Klugman to her Tony Randall (in the Odd Couple but I can only remember Tony Randall's character's name, Felix), Captain Kirk to her Bones (Dana, I'm your roommate, not your PDA (calendar, accountant, you name it, she's said it).

And here's where the open mouth, insert part of the title comes from. Somewhere during this rambling of how much I like this show, Gil walked past me. I look at Beth.

DM: I love him.
B: Wordless expression of laughter.
DM: I just said that out loud, didn't I?
B: Yes!
DM: Did he hear?
B: I don't know.
DM: I meant Doogie Howser! I love Doogie Howser!

Oh, dear God. Why am I even allowed to talk anymore? Why? Was I able to cover it up? I have no idea.

And yes, I do love him. I also love Beth, Bryan, Liz and James. As friends! Yes. That is it. I am not in love with him. I am just in massive like. That is all. Really! You believe me, right?

I am so becoming a nun. Or a hermit. Maybe a hermit would be better. I don't think hermits have the same restrictive rules that nuns do - because, as Liz put it, I want to become a nun but still drink, smoke and have sex. She seems to think the church might have a problem with that. What would the female version of hermit be?

Half empty? Half full? You decide.

I am having a good and a bad day, depends on how you look at things.

I am working on a post about Thursday - karaoke and other things. It is moving somewhat slowly. Mainly the part about karaoke where I, well, said something I shouldn't have and am not sure if I was able to cover up. But it's difficult to post about it because I am trying to keep Gil's secret identity secret and I'm not sure how I can possibly do so. It's not that I worry about any of you finding out who he is...but there's always the off chance that he might stumble across my blog. Would that be so bad if he did find out that I am absolutely crazy about him? I don't know.

Keem (by the way, Keem is not her real name. It is Kim. But I like double ee's and so I started calling her Keem one day and it stuck) is on vacation and it kind of sucks. I am extremely bored and there is not enough posting going on in the blogoverse. People! I'm bored! Write something!

Eddy is following me around like crazy. If I leave the room, he is right behind me, waiting for me to stop so he can sit next to me and let me pet him. He slept with me last night, something that only happens when Keem is gone.

I called Kari today to talk to her for a bit.

DM: What are you doing?
K: Working.
DM: Working? At work?
K: Yes. What are you doing?
DM: Cleaning.
K: What (This doesn't happen often)?
DM: Keem's in Fargo. I'm bored.
K: So you're cleaning.
DM: Yeah.

I have been bored (I mentioned that, right?) so I decided cleaning was the thing to do. I've been meaning to move my bed up against the far wall of my room but hadn't done it because it was such a huge project. My bed was completely surrounded by stuff on 3 sides and a wall at the head. I had a small path to get to it. Well, tonight I cleaned around the bed, moved some boxes and got things where I wanted them to be. I have a whole crap load of stuff to move that is sitting in the middle of the floor but! There is a whole strip of floor that was not clean before. This is a big deal for me.

I was making the bed with brand new sheets and Eddy decided to "help". He flung himself onto the bed as I was wrestling with the fitted sheet. I was putting the sheet on wrong and didn't realize it at first. Not until the right lower corner came undone and Eddy attacked it. Then, as I was straightening the sheet, he laid down in the middle of the bed. The flat sheet came next and he continued to lay there as the sheet billowed around him. Then he made this yowling noise he only uses when he is either stoned on catnip or has "wild eyes" and raced from one end of the bed to the other, sticking his head out at the top. The cat is a dork.

The bad part of my day is something I discovered last night at work. I decided to check out my account and found out I have fraud on it. Someone has been taking money out of my account through debit ACH and when I try to contact the number listed, there is just a busy signal. So I am considerably broke right now. I filed a claim on it and the woman I was talking to decided to check if anything had been taken out before. Turns out this money was withdrawn last month as well. I had wondered about why I had been overdrawn but didn't think much about it since I'm not overly good at keeping track of my account. So the nice thing is that, once the claim is resolved, I should get that money back and two of the overdraft fees reversed as well.

The thing that really ticks me off about this is that I may have to open up a new account. The company putting this charge through has been changing the name and, even though the banker put stops on the debit ACH, if they change the name again, it won't stop a future charge. Can you say SACANA! I sure can. Rat bastards. You'd think I would have noticed this last month. How did I miss a charge for roadside service? I don't have a car!

But you know, it's going to be okay. I know it will be resolved, I know that I can open up a new account if I need to, I will be fine, if a little broke for the next few days.

Jeff said something to me tonight that was interesting.

J: Are you okay? Are you in a bad mood?
DM: What? No. I'm fine. I'm just cleaning.
J: Are you still taking those pills?
DM: Yes.
J: You don't get sad or upset anymore.
DM: No. Why bother? I have happy pills.
J: I need to get some of those.

I have to wonder what it would be like if I wasn't on Effexor and dealing with the whole fraud thing. I can guarantee that my response to being bored today would not have been to clean.

Okay. It's 2:42 AM and I really should go to bed. I hope you all have a good night/weekend.

Via Frog.

Remind me to tell you about playing Snoopy in high school. I keep promising to tell you about my acting "career," don't I? Maybe I'll follow through one day.


You are Schroeder!

?
Which Peanuts Character are You brought to you by
Quizilla

Blogging Meme

Found this on Mark's blog.

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog?

Please. I have a picture of myself with my hair wrapped up in a cat toy. I think if anyone was to see me, they might not recognize me because I wasn't wearing something dorky.

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered?

I don't have Photoshop but I do go through them and enhance a little through Picasa. Lighten the background, saturate, stuff like that.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you?

Hey, I'm a dork. I have no problem with dorks emailing me. Now the creeps on the other hand, I've probably dated them at least once or twice in my life so we have a great time catching up.

4. Do you lie in your blog?

No. I would say that I stretch the truth and embellish but I don't lie.

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog?

? How the heck would I know?

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop?

That's a bit odd, isn't it? I write because I like to write. This is really for my own enjoyment. If I bring some to other people, that's great.

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping?

No. No. I have happy pills. Who needs therapy?

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones?

No. I make fun of them. If I had to fake a nice comment, what would be the point of leaving it in the first place?

9. What should a "good blog" have?

Humor. Respect for others.

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less?

Well, Johnny and Mark still seem to like me so I'm thinking meeting more people would be cool.

11. Do you have a job?

Yes.

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it?

Of course I would.

13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life?

I've met Johnny and Mark which was seriously cool. I would really like to meet udge because that would mean a trip to Germany. I want to meet everyone on my list.

14. Which bloggers have you made out with? (a)In real life? (b)In fantasy?

Nobody. My life is devoid of making out.

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have?

I'm pretty honest about my lack of money.

16. Does your family read your blog?

No. Damn them.

17. How old is your blog?

1 year, 4 months, 13 days.

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care?

Do I look like Dooce to you? Of course not. I don't care about page views. I care about comments. Comment, people! I am a comment junkie. I admit it.

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar?

I have a couple other blogs but none of them are secret.

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing?

I gave flea a tip, does that count? I like to think of it as a reward for good service and advice, not as paying her for her writing (although it is superb). I also click on adsense links.

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes?

Haven't really earned anything yet.

22. Is blogging narcissistic?

Isn't anything somewhat narcissistic? I like to write. I like to amuse people. I like to read other blogs. Don't we have better things to worry about than this?

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time?

Sometimes. I usually try to post something every few days.

24. Do you like John Mayer?

Yes. Why?

25. Do you have enemies?

I am the Queen of the Universe. It stands to reason that I would have an enemy or two.

26. Are you lonely?

Yes and no. Romantic lonely - yes. Friend lonely - no.

27. Why bother?

Why not? The world is full of people who don't bother. I don't want to be one of those people.

I'm not tagging anyone. You can do this if you want. But just remember question #27.

Google Image Meme

Found on frog's blog (not overly surprised, she does have the best memes). She got it from Emilin and WannaBeMom

Image Google the town you were born in (I was born in the same town I live in now so I went with town I grew up in which was Mahtomedi):



The town you live in now:



Your name:



Your grandmother's name:



Your favorite food:



Your favorite drink:



Your favorite song:



And your favorite smell:

Quite possibly the longest 2 hours of my life

And a litany of other complaints. In no particular order.

I'm trying to download a iPod setup thing which is taking freakin' forever and so, hey, let's surf some blogs! Woo-hoo! Blogs are fun! We like them. But Blogger was down. That was horrible.

I was going to complain about the damn thunderstorm that's taking place right now but I just realized that it's actually fireworks. Just for the record, I can't see them, it's on Harriet Island (I think) which is on the other side of the building. We've had a lot of rain lately and that is the reason for complaint number 3 here.

Our power has been out twice this week at work. Which is great because hey, I get paid to answer the phone and tell customers to call back in a couple of hours because I can't access their information. But it also sucks because they call back. And they are pissed as heck. And the worst thing? The phones work but the computers don't so I can't blog or read blogs. Argh.

But! On the other hand, because some people told me I was cynical and I am proving them wrong. WRONG! I'm so optimistic, really, I am. Yes.

Today my boss had me off the phones for a half hour so I could learn more about Trogdor the Burninator. This came up because I asked him who Trogdor the Burninator is (I'm not sure why I asked him. I just figured he might know or think I was a dork. Whatever) and he was very excited and wanted to know why I was asking. I was asking because of this post on Geese Aplenty (this site amuses me muchly) where Greg writes about going to see Serenity (which, as you all know because you've seen the movie now, is the BEST MOVIE EVER! Read my post again if you doubt me) and he was wearing a "Sunnydale High School Dept. of Phys. Ed" shirt (which is so damn cool) and there was a girl wearing a Trogdor the Burninator shirt and he didn't know who Trogdor is. So I asked Matt who Trogdor was (in case you got confused because I ramble. I admit it. I am a rambler) and he had me come into his office so I could watch cartoons on the Internet. Because this is off his favorite website, homestarrunner.com. Yes. A 1/2 hour to watch cartoons. Which are extremely silly and made me giggle. And finally explained what all of those little plastic figures on his desk are from.

I have the best boss ever.

Big Red Boat

I know that you all live vicariously through the tales of Beth and my experiences at karaoke. I can't blame you, of course, my life is SOOOO exciting & abounds with high adventure and true love and, oh, who am I kidding?

Anyway, I know it's been awhile since I've done an update so I will let you know what's been going on the last few weeks.

Could her love life get any more bizarre?

Beth got hit on by a girl at work last week (post here). Now, as you know, Beth and I are very supportive of gay rights but we are not actually gay ourselves. So this came as a bit of a shock to her. So Sunday night, while waiting for karaoke to start, Beth would say some of the following things:

"A girl. Girrrrrrlll. The opposite of a boy."
"I wish the boy would show up. I wish the boy would ask me out. But he's not lesbian enough."

When talking to Bryan about the situation, he switched into his Uncle Bryan persona to help with the situation.

UB: Tell Uncle Bryan all.
B: I got hit on by a girl.
UB: Hmm. Well, the best way to figure out how you feel about this is what do you think of Portia De Rossi?
B: Who?
DM: Ooh. She's kind of hot.
UB: Yes.
DM: Is she a lesbian?
UB: Yes. She's with Ellen.

The conversation then turned towards how we liked Ellen and she was very funny. Later, we got back to Uncle Bryan and his helpful techniques.

B: A girl!
UB (walking by, overhears her. Laughs): So what is this person like?
B: She's nice. She's pretty. She's...
UB: She's pretty?
B: Yes, blonde, short hair...

Bryan gets a look in his eyes that needs no translating. His mind has drifted into Guy Territory. He realizes it.

UB: Uncle Bryan's not really helping here, is he?

Gil Sightings

I haven't been talking about him lately because a) think he might have a girlfriend and b) nothing major has really happened. I still like him. I still see him. I still occasionally have bad thoughts about him. Bad, bad thoughts. Thoughts that pretty much mean that, even though I talk about becoming a nun, it would not be a good idea.

Take this conversation, for example.

Gil gets up and walks over to the bar. I angle my body somewhat.

B: You're checking out his ass.
DM: No. I'm just trying to see the television.

She gives me a look of total disbelief. Which is not surprising because the television is mounted to the wall overhead and I was not looking up.

DM: I'm just trying to read what the (censored because it could reveal too much about Gil's secret identity) says.

Another look from the all knowing Beth. Dang her!

New Sex Song Sunday Returns!

The choices this week was Beth singing "I Touch Myself." She did really good at it. Angie sang a duet with Bryan "I'll Make Love To You." It's apparently a Boyz to Men song. Angie has just become a part time karaoke host so it is very exciting and there is another person that we can go sing karaoke at another bar and not feel like we are cheating on Bryan. We are very loyal karaoke junkies.

I sang "I Want Your Sex" because, as Bryan put it, apparently I'm kind of a whore (yes, he was kidding). I also tried a new song, "Bring Me Some Water" by Melissa Etheridge. Beth sings it every once in awhile and I love the song but I'd never heard it sung by anyone other than Beth. So I was a little off in some places. Liz suggested that we try singing it together next week.


Yeah. So I just realized that, while karaoke is always a blast and lots of fun, all of this is from Sunday. Which either means that Sunday was the most exciting night ever or I have a really bad memory. It's probably the latter.

The title is nothing karaoke related but the song has been stuck in my head all day and it has been pouring here lately. There have been flash flood warnings and the road in front of my apartment is covered with water. Looking down from the 26th floor, it looked as though it is a lake and the cars have been transformed into boats. I don't think it's all that deep but it's got to be at least 2-3 inches of standing water.

Big Red Boat by Grey Eye Glances

When I go walking,
I hear them talking all over town
They say I’m gone;
I’ve lost my mind
Well maybe I have,
And maybe that’s the point now

I’m building a big red boat
Building a big red boat
With full intentions to set sail
And one day I’ll leave this all behind
And with your help, I’m certain not to fail

Tell me are you still with me?
Remember this was our great plan?
We’d build a boat, and sail away
We’d leave them all back on dry land

I’ve been building a big red boat
Been building a big red boat
Between my meetings and at night
I’m tired, but I stay inspired
By listening to the beach boys tape
You made for me when we were nine

Darling, you seem uneasy,
I know this is a tad bizarre
But out here on the plains of Nebraska
I swear I smell the ocean, can you
Every time you look up to the stars?

I’m been building a big red boat
In my back yard building a big red boat
No one can tell me what to do
Send doctors, send preachers, send lawyers,
They have their boats to build,
This boat’s a boat that’s built for two

I’ve been building a big red boat
In my back yard building a big red boat
With full intentions to set sail
And one day I’ll leave this all behind
One day, before I lose my mind

Meet me when you’re ready
Meet me when you’ve lost your head
You can meet me, I’ll be waiting
Meet me by the water’s edge

This is extremely fun!

Found at frog's blog who got it from Dana, Shameless Agitator (Got to love her name, don't you?)

Leave your name and...

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll try to say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST.

If you were wondering, this is what she wrote about me:

1. You live in one of my favorite places.
2. Have Mercy, Judds (because that's what I'd sing at karaoke, I think)
3. Doesn't matter, but it would have mini-marshmallows.
4. The glitter flies right off that things, doesn't it?
5. I love it that you found me via flea, and that you were one of my earliest "unknown" commenters.
6. duck, naturally
7. Did you grow up in the Cities?

Books I read in September

I got this idea from Udge.

Mystery Novels

Dean Koontz - Mr. Murder (I've read this book several times and enjoy it every time. Dean Koontz does have a pretty good sense of humor and this is one of his less scarier books)

Harlan Coben (thanks to Beth's mom for pointing me in his direction, very good and suspenseful, really enjoyed his writing)
No Second Chance
Gone For Good
The Innocent
Just One Look

Nevada Barr - Hard Truth (not bad. Never read anything by Nevada Barr before, the book ended with me wanting to know more about the characters)

Sidney Sheldon - Nothing Lasts Forever (read it before, takes place in a hospital. You cannot beat Sidney Sheldon for a good read)

Regency Romances (I like Regency Romances more than modern, mainly because people aren't jumping into bed all the time)

Valentine Wishes Anthology (I love anthologies, short stories are fun because you get introduced to more characters)
3 short stories:
Lady Diana's courtship - Mona Gedney (Eh)
A Valentine From Venus - Cindy Holbrook (Not overly believable)
Cupid's Ace - Jeanne Savery (Not bad at all)

Marion Chesney - The Sins of Lady Dacey (Marion Chesney is without a doubt my favorite Regency Romance writer)

Julia Parks - A Gift For A Rogue (Eh)

April Kihlstrom - The Wily Wastrel (Too many references to other books she had written so I was kind of lost)

Supernatural Novels

Bite: An Anthology:
Laurel K Hamilton - The Girl Who Was Infatuated With Death (Too short!)
Charlaine Harris - One Word Answer (Too short but not bad)
MaryJanice Davidson - Biting In Plain Sight (Really cute. Loved it)
Angela Knight - Galahad (Not bad but way too much sex)
Vickie Taylor - Blood Lust (Not bad)

James Laurence - Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Faith Trials (Novelisation of 3 of the shows featuring Faith. We all know how much I love Buffy, right?)