Open Mouth. Insert Foot.

I went to karaoke last night (okay, on Thursday night. I started this on Friday). I know. You're all shocked. Dana? Went to karaoke? On a Thursday? What is the world coming to? But I did and it was, as usual, really freakin' cool.

I have been having some issues with getting up lately. Yesterday I woke up when my alarm went off and had the following things happen:

6:15 AM Woke up. Glared at alarm clock.
6:15:15 AM Slapped alarm clock in anger (well, actually hitting snooze alarm).
6:15:30 AM Climbed back into bed.
6:25 AM Alarm went off again! Dammit!
6:25:15 AM Turned alarm off.
6:25:30 AM Sat down at computer.
6:25:31 AM Thought "I'll just check my email."
6:50 AM After surfing a ton of blogs and my email, think "I should probably figure out what time the bus comes at."
6:51 AM Curse as I realize that the next bus that will get me to work at 7:25 will be arriving in ten minutes. This is not enough time to get ready.
6:52 AM Decide to take 7:45 bus that will get me to work at 8:10. 10 minutes isn't that horrible. I can make it up easily.
6:53 AM Decide to play Free Cell.
7:15 AM Tell myself to stop playing Free Cell. Self says back "Oh, I can play one more game."
7:25 AM One more game has, in fact, turned into ten more games. Must stop playing Free Cell. Must!
7:26 AM Pet Eddy when he comes whining at me. He misses his Keem (she is in Fargo for a long weekend (7 days! What the heck is that?)).
7:35 AM Crap. I only have ten minutes to get ready. That won't work.
7:36 AM Play some more Free Cell.
8:00 AM Call work. Talk to manager (not mine). Tell him I am running late and will be in as soon as possible.
8:05 AM Take shower.
8:15 AM Turn off shower.
8:15:15 AM Turn shower back on. I am cold! Dang it! Stupid Minnesota. It's not supposed to be this cold in October.
8:25 AM Get out of shower. Get dressed. Go to see what time the bus comes at.
8:26 AM Curse as I realize that the bus will be leaving, well, now. Dang it!
8:27 AM Talk to Jeff. He wants to go online. Okay.
8:27:15 AM Change shirts 3 times because I have to wear something pink because my stupid hair is too dang long and I have to wear a stupid headband and I only own one stupid headband and it is pink. Do not like anything I am wearing. Decide to wear black. Pink and black work together.
8:35 AM Talk to Jeff about why I don't want to go to work (it is cold and gloomy) but I am going to because I am a dedicated employee (who doesn't have any PTO left and can't afford to miss another day of work because I would end up on a warning and that would be bad).
8:45 AM Jeff leaves. Say goodbye.
8:46 AM Go back to room. Play Free Cell.
8:55 AM Go to store in building. Buy breakfast (Bagelwurst. Yum).
9:00 AM Heat breakfast in microwave.
9:01 AM Tell store owner (Scott) that yes, he can lock me in while he runs an errand.
9:02 AM Breakfast is done. Yes. Yummy Bagelwurst. It is hot. Blow on it. That is not effective.
9:05 AM Breakfast eaten. Mouth burning.
9:06 AM Scott has returned. Say goodbye.
9:07 AM Walk down to bus stop. Turn on iPod.
9:07:15 AM Go to sit down in bus shelter. Smell horrible smell. What is that? What? Ew! Did someone actually defecate in the bus shelter? Oh, my God! That is pathetic.
9:07:25 AM Hurry away from smell.
9:07:30 AM Get bored with standing. Start walking to sign halfway down block. Turn around and walk back to street corner. Repeat many times. Hmm. Perhaps I would walk more if I continued to listen to music. This is an interesting concept.
9:15 AM Board bus. Ignore ache in back from excessive walking. Walking is our friend. We like to walk. Walkity walk walk.
9:40 AM Arrive at work. Tell manager (not my own) that I was having problems getting motivated because I wasn't feeling good. Yeah. Like you'd tell them you were playing Free Cell.
9:42 AM While waiting for computer to boot up, I take electrical tape from drawer and repair jacket. There is not enough electrical tape in the world to fix my coat. I am going to have to get rid of it. Dammit!

I deal with work, ask Matt (the boss) if I can make up my time today, he is okay with that. Work is over. Now the plan is, I will go home and take a nap. Because I need to rest for karaoke. So I check the bus schedule. Bus comes at 5:05. Cool. I ask Laurie (co-worker) to tell me to leave at 4:50 because I have to go get money for a cab. She does.

I am outside at 5:00. Walking to the bus, I feel my right shoe suddenly become looser. I look down and see that the strap on my sandle (I know. It's 45 degrees and I'm wearing sandles. What am I thinking?) is flapping. Huh. I go to fix it and realize that the strap didn't just detach itself, it broke. My favorite pair of sandals are broken. This is not good. This also means that I can't walk while I wait for the bus because the shoe keeps threatening to fall off and I am not walking barefoot.

I wait, reading my Perry Mason casebook (I love Perry Mason). Time goes by. I am very cold. I put gloves on (rarely wear) because my hands are turning white. Glance at watch. It is 5:10. Hmm. The bus seems to be running late. That's all right, I'll wait some more. Finally, at 5:20, I realize that the bus is not coming.

I walk back inside. I am greeted by Orrie (another co-worker). "You're back," he says. I tell him that the bus did not come. My co-workers, lovely people that they are, all laugh. In a "Gosh, we're sorry" sort of way. I ask Matt if he will give me a ride home since I am giving up on the stupid bus. I hate you, stupid bus.

While talking to Matt about how my ordeal, I mention that I will have to throw my coat away.

M: Why?
DM: There's not enough electric tape to make it look good.

He looks puzzled. I stand up and turn around. He convulses with laughter.

M: Is that leather?
DM: No. It's faux leather.
M: Well, maybe that's why it's fauxing apart.
DM: Ha. Haha. You're so funny.

I then spend the rest of the evening (until 7) surfing the web and working on memes. I love memes. Matt gives me a ride home and I then go and take a nap to prepare for karaoke.

Although I have set my alarm, I manage to sleep through it. Of course. Because that's the kind of day I am having. It is about 11:30 when I wake up and I hurriedly get dressed. I call Beth.

B: Hi.
DM: Hello. I'm running late.
B: Are you calling from the cab?
DM: No. I'm going to call one now.
B: Why don't I come and pick you up? I'm almost to Little Canada road right now.
DM: Oh. Okay.
B: See you in 7 minutes.
DM: Cool.

I go downstairs and wait, realizing that I have left my book at work. Dang it. That is 7 minutes of non-reading time. That's all right, though. I am tough. I will survive. Beth picks me up and our ride to the Chalet is filled with laughter as we catch up on each other's week. It is worth being extremely tired on Mondays and Fridays to be able to spend this time with her.

The Chalet is not as crowed as usual and there are tables open but Beth and I choose to sit at the bar. It's a little more quiet over there. We are not there very long when Liz walks in. We start talking about work and then I have to run to the bathroom. When I come back, I see that James is there. He's not usually there on Thursdays so it is a nice surpise.

James and Bryan start playing darts so Beth, Liz and I are talking. Some extremely drunk man comes and sits down next to me. He is a friend of the bartender, Jamie, and is kind of annoying. When someone starts singing something by Neil Diamond (can't remember what it was), he starts singing along, very loudly, interrupting our conversation several times when he tries to get us to sing with him. I don't know what it is about alcohol that immediately makes some people thing that they are the most fascinating people in the world. But they are wrong!

There was the following conversation about television. Beth does not normally watch television but she was flipping through the channels to watch CSI: Miami (My God, what's his name is hot. You know. The red haired guy that plays Horatio. I don't remember his name right now and I am too tired to Google it) and discovered that she has TNT so she can watch Law and Order episodes (this has nothing to do with this post but she was telling me last week about an episode of L&O that she saw and this guy was saying he wasn't a drug dealer and one of the cops said "No. You just collect rare cocaine." Hi-larious!) which is one of the few television shows she likes.

James (J): You should be watching Arrested Development (or something like that).
DM: I can't. I take naps on Sunday for karaoke.
J: It's on Mondays now.
DM: Oh. Yeah. But I can't. We watch How I Met Your Mother.
J: That's on at 7:30. Arrested Development is on at 7:00.
DM: Oh. Okay, I'll watch it.
J: Well, you've missed the two best episodes of the season.
B: How I Met Your Mother? Did they go to Philadelphia to lick the Liberty Bell?
DM: Yes! How did you know?
B: I was flipping through the channels and saw it. Something about going to Philadelphia to lick the crack and then I realized that they were talking about the Liberty Bell.
DM: I love that show.

I launch into a brief description of why I love the show which pretty much stems down to the fact that Neil Patrick Harris is hot and I love his character, Barney. Barney and Ted (in case you've not seen the show) are best friends and Barney is always getting Ted to do crazy things. Such as fly to Philadelphia on the spur of the moment. At one point, Keem turned to me and said "You do realize that you're Barney and I'm Ted, right?" Which was silly of her to say because Duh. That is obvious. I am Dory to her Marlon, Barney to her Ted, Jack Klugman to her Tony Randall (in the Odd Couple but I can only remember Tony Randall's character's name, Felix), Captain Kirk to her Bones (Dana, I'm your roommate, not your PDA (calendar, accountant, you name it, she's said it).

And here's where the open mouth, insert part of the title comes from. Somewhere during this rambling of how much I like this show, Gil walked past me. I look at Beth.

DM: I love him.
B: Wordless expression of laughter.
DM: I just said that out loud, didn't I?
B: Yes!
DM: Did he hear?
B: I don't know.
DM: I meant Doogie Howser! I love Doogie Howser!

Oh, dear God. Why am I even allowed to talk anymore? Why? Was I able to cover it up? I have no idea.

And yes, I do love him. I also love Beth, Bryan, Liz and James. As friends! Yes. That is it. I am not in love with him. I am just in massive like. That is all. Really! You believe me, right?

I am so becoming a nun. Or a hermit. Maybe a hermit would be better. I don't think hermits have the same restrictive rules that nuns do - because, as Liz put it, I want to become a nun but still drink, smoke and have sex. She seems to think the church might have a problem with that. What would the female version of hermit be?