Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Bring Me Some Water

Karaoke was good on Sunday night. It always is. There were some interesting high lights.

Beth calls me to make sure I am awake when she is leaving her Dad's. I was standing in the bathroom, trying to make sense of my hair, when the phone rang.

B: It's time to put on makeup. It's time to dress up right. It's time to get ready for the Bryan show tonight.
DM: Okay. Were you watching the Muppet Show?
B (Giggles): Yes!

I was glad to hear that. I had not planned on wearing makeup so when she first started singing it, I was a little confused.

Bobby doesn't even ask anymore what I want to drink. I used to be strict Diet Coke with slices of lime. Then it was water. Then it was back to the Diet Coke. Now I'm back on the water, with a ton of ice (makes it so much easier to drink if it is ice cold). I was shocked to see, when I did the Google Images meme, that water is now my favorite drink. I tried Mountain Dew but the images just didn't appeal to me. The same with the Buttery Nipple. They are both something that I allow for myself very seldom - as a treat. So water won. When you think of all the problems I had when I first gave up Mountain Dew. Sheesh.

Angie came in and was showing us her new t-shirt. It is a picture of two cows, wearing sunglasses and with boxer shorts around their ankles. The caption is "Full Moooooon in Wisconsin." I was not aware that cows typically wore sunglasses or boxer shorts but I am a city girl so what do I know? She also had a brochure from none other than the vacation spot we all have dreamt about visiting...Austin, Minnesota. Austin, Minnesota has the Spam Museum. Yeah. We were all a little afraid as well. Angie said she was going to give it to Steve and tell him that's where they can go on their next date. And, I have to say, after reading the brochure, I'm kind of intrigued. Because they have Spam Ballet.

Beth thought it was a good idea for me to tell the story of my romantic faux pas. Which I did, to great laughter. Which reminds me. Is Neil Patrick Harris gay? Because Jeff had friends over last night and I mentioned my love for him (NPH as Angie has started calling him (when I hurried to switch the channel from the quite appalling Wife Swap to How I Met Your Mother)). We had the following conversation.

DM (to Jeff): Are you leaving?
J: Yes.
DM: Oh, good. Now I can watch my show.
Jeff's Friend (I think his name is Derrick but I am horrible with names and I've only met him one other time): What show?
DM: How I Met Your Mother. It has Neil Patrick Harris on it and I love him. He is hot.
JF: He's a homo (the only reason he did not die for this statement is because he is gay).
DM: So? He's still hot.
JF: That's true. I used to have a crush on him. I'll fight you for him.
DM: Okay (No, we did not fight).

I have a confession to make. I am an olive thief. The Chalet has these gorgeous green olives in the drink tray thing and I steal them. Bobby is okay with this because he hates olives. Part of the fun of stealing the olives is stabbing at them with the little plastic swords. Beth decided to steal a pickle, also using a little plastic sword. For some reason, I thought it would be fun to sword fight with her. This was a mistake. The reason it is a mistake is that Beth has no qualms of poking me with the little sword. And plastic, even though not lethal, still hurts! After she got me several times, I told her I was telling Amy. When Amy came back to the table after , this is what she was greeted by.

DM: Amy, Beth poked me with the sword and it hurts!
B: She's the one that started it! She decided she wanted to sword fight!
DM: But she poked me!
Amy: Stop sword fighting, children.

She sounded really mom like and everything. I was scared (no, not really).

Beth and I actually danced. I can't remember what song it was to but we went up with Amy and Angie and other people and moved tables so we could form a dance floor and we danced. Badly but yet dancing was involved. And then we talked Bobby's dad, Tom Collins, into singing Build Me Up Buttercup so we could dance even more. We even danced to I Like Big Butts when Amy and Angie sang it. We are thinking that we were probably under an evil spell. Well, that's my theory. Beth might think something else.

It was busy and kind of crazy (see above paragraph about dancing) and Liz sat up at the bar when she came in. James joined her afterwards and we were pleasantly surprised to see Stephanie come in. We have not see her for quite some time. She even sang one of my favorite songs with Bryan (okay, favorite song that they sing together, not my favorite song), When the Stars Go Blue which is by the Corrs, featuring Bono. Which I really need to download from iTunes. I love it when they sing this song because Bryan imitates Bono and it is hilarious. And then Stephanie starts laughing and that is fun as well.

Angie, Amy and company (Sarah and Shannon came up for a little while as well) left fairly early. Both Sarah and Amy have to work early and Angie was driving her brother's truck with his "Whiskey" plates (apparently that's the nickname for drunk driver plates) so she was worried about possibly getting pulled over if she left at closing time. We eventually ended up at the bar with Liz, James and Stephanie.

Highlight of the Chalet experience: Listening to Liz tell us about how she absolutely loved the movie Annie as a child and her Mom was out of town one weekend and her Dad would do work around the house and let her watch the movie over and over again and so when her Mom got home, Liz knew all of the lines and the choreography for the songs. She can still do them now.

Lowlight of the Chalet experience: Watching this PERSON touch Gil. Repeatedly.
"Oh, you're so funny, Gil. Oh, let me scratch your back, Gil. Oh, let me drive Dana insane with jealously, Gil." I was complaining to Beth about it in the car and she said "Good thing you didn't see them kiss." ARGH!!!! She did explain that she thought it was just a friendly kiss but still...ARGH again! We have also determined that my love life, pathetic as it is, is still better than hers. Her reasoning is that, yes, I adore Gil and absolutely nothing is coming of it but at least I am not getting hit on by women, married men with children, drunkards, etc. Also, I at least get to see the guy that I like occasionally instead of every other month like Beth.

After karaoke, Beth and I decided to go to Krispy Kreme. Because donuts? They are good. And we're sick of Taco Bell, the only other restaurant open past 2 PM in the area. We each ordered six donuts (some for breakfast) and drove to my apartment to sit and talk for a little bit.

Beth should never be allowed to have sugar again. The last time I saw her this goofy was when she was on codeine. That was an experience. She had two donuts to my three and completely flipped out. She was giggly and, well, the best word to describe it would be insane.

An example:

B (touching my nose. She used to do this to Char all the time and it would completely throw Char off and we would laugh and laugh): Nose!
DM: Yes.
B: Nose! Chin! Nose!
DM: Dork.
B: Nose! Chin! Forehead! Nose!
DM: Ow! Zit (her finger missed and she poked the huge zit right underneath my nose)!
B: Zit! Zit!

She is trying to poke the zit again but I am keeping her hand away from me. So she starts tickling me. The one defense I have against Beth when she tickles me is that she is highly ticklish, even more than me, and she is also open to the suggestion of tickling. In other words, if you make a tickling gesture at her, she will start giggling. It's quite fun.

She tires of the tickling and goes for the zit again but I am now covering the lower half of my face with my hand.

Beth: Forehead! Nose! Chin! Forehead! Chin!
DM: That was my nose.
Beth: I know. I missed.
DM: Okaaaaay.
Beth: Cheen (as she touches my cheek)!
DM: What?
Beth: I meant Cheek! But hey, I was close. They both start with CH.
DM: That's true.
Beth: And I got the ee's in there. I was doing it for you. Because you like ee's.

I cannot guarantee that this is an exact transcript of our conversation but it's very close. And that will lead us all to the conclusion that Beth is a perfectly nice, normal person. Until she has sugar. And then she just gets bizarre. Unlike me, who is always bizarre and sugar has little or no effect on me.

Our title comes from the water reference. No other reason. I certainly didn't use it because I am jealous. So there.

Bring Me Some Water - Melissa Etheridge

Tonight I feel so weak
But all in love is fair
I turn the other cheek
And I feel the slap and the sting of the foul night air
And I know you’re only human
And I haven’t got talking room
But tonight while I’m making excuses
Some other woman is making love to you

Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see I’m burning alive
Can’t you see my baby’s got another lover
I don’t know how I’m gonna survive
Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see it’s out of control
Baby’s got my heart and my baby’s got my mind
But tonight the sweet devil’s got my soul

When will this aching pass
When will this night be through
I want to hear the breaking glass
I only feel the steel of the red hot truth
And I’d do anything to get it out of my mind
I need some insanity that temporary kind
Tell me how will I ever be the same
When I know that woman is whispering your name

Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see I’m burning alive
Can’t you see my baby’s got another lover
I don’t know how I’m gonna survive
Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see it’s out of control
Baby’s got my heart and my baby’s got my mind
But tonight the sweet devil’s got my soul

Oh, the devil’s got my soul

Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see I’m burning alive
Can’t you see my baby’s got another lover
I don’t know how I’m gonna survive
Somebody bring me some water
Can’t you see it’s out of control
Baby’s got my heart and my baby’s got my mind
But tonight the sweet devil’s got my soul