Spam

Okay, this is not an earth shaking post but I've been kind of amused by some of the things that appear in my gmail spam box. In the last week, this is some of the subject lines I've seen:

Dear Dana, you've been approved for an auto loan (really. Are you aware that I don't drive).

Don't expose your intimate life (no, I have not been caught streaking. Apparently, it's about health products)!

Dear Beloved (you'd think this would be from some hot guy begging me to marry him, right? Wrong), I am the Credit Manager of a large Nigerian (Asian/African/Somewhere other than America) bank. Some really rich guy died and didn't have any heirs. So what I'm proposing, with my really bad grammar and spelling, is that I send you a wire for lots and lots of money when you claim to be one of his heirs. Because that's not illegal at all.

Your kids will look adorable this Halloween (oh, yeah, that's the perfect way to scare me! Give me children)!

Meggan22 would like to meet you (I'm sure she's very nice but she's really not my type).

Hair loss? Take charge with this laser brush (don't lasers destroy things).

Don't worry. Be happy (wow. Since you've told me to, I have no choice but to obey)!

Get soft skin on us (okay, I'm sure they didn't mean it the way I am taking this but still).

Thanks for being a friend (you're welcome. Who the hell are you?).

Update: If you could explain to me what the person who sent this one was thinking, I'd appreciate it.

Evil wishers are always around to spread rumors (this email is about health products. Health products! If I use their products, that's supposed to stop the evil wishers? WTF)!

And, because I can, I bring you a song that fits perfectly.

Spam by Save Ferris

Chorus]:
Spam
It's pink and it's oval
Spam
I buy it at the Mobil
Spam
It's made in Chernobyl
Spam

Now when I was a child
My family was so poor
They didn't have the finer things in life to eat
So we had a plan
In a big blue can
The government substitute for meat

(Repeat Chorus)

To get me to eat it at dinner
They said I'd grow up like Bruce Jenner
He was a winner that never knew defeat
And when he got hungry
When he got hungry
He cracked open that special treat
It was

(Repeat Chorus)

S-P-A-M
Don't you know it's my best friend
S-P-A-M
Again and again and again

S-P-A-M
Don't you know it's my best friend
S-P-A-M
Again and again and again and again

So go and forget your O-S-C-A-R
There's one meat by-product that's best by far
It's

(Repeat Chorus)