Why? For the love of God why?

Why am I allowed to talk to men? Well, not all men. I'm usually good at having a conversation with co-workers that are male. I can talk to Bryan without embarrassing myself completely. My brother-in-law Eric and I can have great conversations about a lot of different topics (although he is confused and thinks that he is right most of the time. Then I correct him. I figure it is my duty). Dan Lang and I can spend a good twenty minutes talking about our favorite movies. No problem.

But let there be someone that I have just the slightest attraction towards show up and sit next to me and I turn into the biggest idiot arround. Or I say things before I think them through.

Here's the latest example. Sunday. Karaoke. We have decided to go to the wheel (otherwise known as karaoke roulette). Dan is singing "With A Little Help From My Friends." Here is where we run into trouble (and when I say we, I mean I).

Background Vocalists: Do you need anybody?
Dan: I need somebody to love.
DM: Tell me about it.
Beth and Angie: (Start laughing)
Liz: What did she say?
DM: Did I say that out loud?
Beth and Angie (through their laughter): Yes.

Great. Wonderful. ARGH!

Then it was my turn at the wheel. Guess what I got to sing? Because my mean friends decided that they wanted to know what the last song was (1-1 is "Like A Virgin") and asked for 99-18.

It's "Whip It." Just in case you were wondering. I had to sing "Whip It." That is quite possibly the dumbest song in the world.

After I finished, I was mentioning how much I sucked at the song.

DM: That was horrible.
James: You whipped it good.

Sudden inappropriate thoughts swirl through my brain. Fortunately I do not say any of them.

It is brought up that my schedule has changed and that I am now starting at 7:30. I am informed that I am insane.

James: I do not understand this 7:30 that you speak of.

He sounds exactly like William Shatner. I love William Shatner (I may have mentioned this before).

DM: Shut up!

He is puzzled. Of course. How would he possibly know that, when he talks like this, I want to scream "Take me, Captain Kirk!"*

*Okay, I don't think I would actually scream that but still...as I said to Beth the other day "Only I would fall for a guy that talks like Captain Kirk and thinks like Spock."

Sigh. I am such a dork.

Week 6

You'll notice I have a new ticker (Thanks, Teri!) up at the top. I was trying to come up with something that would help tracking my weight loss a bit easier and then I visited her site and there it was. She is so brilliant.

Anyway, today Keem and I went to Weight Watchers. I am down another pound. So this is eleven now. I am very happy about this. I've been trying to watch what I eat, got rid of those damn Girl Scout cookies and am trying to walk more. Hopefully next week, I'll be able to start the treadmill, my foot isn't hurting as much as it did earlier this week.

After Weight Watchers, we went to Fuddruckers. We have both noticed that we aren't able to eat as much food now as we once were able to do. This is a good thing, of course. I once ordered a pound burger at Fuddruckers. An entire pound of hamburger. And fries. And pop. And ate the entire damn thing. Amazing how I thought that was a good decision. Sheesh. We have been eating the 2/3 pound burger and getting fries and a pop but decided that this doesn't make sense. What is the point of stuffing yourself until you feel exhausted? Today we discovered that even a 1/2 pound burger with fries and a pop is getting to be too much.

I've always been the type of person who will eat everything on my plate if I like the way it tastes. It's nice to realize that I don't have to be that person anymore

Tomorrow Beth, Keem and I are going to see the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta Princess Ida. Beth's mom volunteers for the Gilbert and Sulivan very light something or another operetta company (I can't remember the entire title. I do this every year. (And apparently, Beth's mom has now become my mother because I started this sentence with Mom)) and Beth has been going to this for years. And she asked us to go one year and it started one of those great traditions we like to uphold. Last year we added to the tradition by deciding that we would go to Manny's (the best steakhouse in the world) and also drive around looking for Target and get lost (we had some time to kill and decided to go to Target. Three Targets later (or non-Targets because each one was gone (either closed or demolished to make way for a Super Target)), we were kind of lost). The plan this year is to keep Manny's but not get lost. But maybe go to Target. If we can find one.

Tomorrow I am going to have steak (or perhaps we should call it STEAK! because that how my stomach views it. This is the best STEAK! in the world) and a baked potato and some of the best damn bread in the world (seriously. There's this dark bread with raisins and this really great rye that is salty and has caraway seeds and if I could get the recipe I would bake them every day) and then I am going to go to karaoke and moan about the fact that I am never going to eat again. But I will be lying. Because there will be next year.

I guess my whole point to this is that I am going to have to be good next week because I am sure going to be bad tomorrow. But, dagnabit, it's going to be worth it.

Oh! And I am noticing results. I can actually zip my boots up all the way and my pants are feeling loose. Not fall down and embarrass me in front of all loose but in a discreetly tug them up every once in awhile loose. Yay!

Hoping you all have the opportunity to eat some really great STEAK! sometime soon. Unless, of course, you are a vegetarian. Because then I would feel bad for wishing you to do something you don't like so instead I hope you have some really great CELERY!

Open Mouth. Insert Heart.

So. You read the last post, right? You know that my body is divided up into four distinct parts, all with their own personality? Because, seriously, if you haven't, you're not going to have a clue about what I'm talking about (and it's a funny post. I promise. I spent lots of time working on it. Please go read it if you haven't. Yes, I'm begging. What's your point?).

So. Last night. Karaoke. Yeah. Where do I start?

First of all, Beth was taking notes last night so there will be a post about many odd things that happened and, believe you me, it will be amazing in its funniness. When one of us whips out the notebook, everyone around us asks "Are you going to blog this?" And we say "Oh, hell yeah."*

*Okay, we may not actually say "Oh, hell yeah" but I'm sure we say something very similar to that.

But I leave the telling of the craziness to Beth. Because, let's face it, the only thing I want to relate to you right now is that what happened between myself and the incredibly wondrous James. Whom I adore. In case you hadn't already figured that out.

So. Last night. Karaoke. He is there. Beth, Liz, James and I are talking. I have just provided him with a wallet insert that I bought for him when I was at Kmart (because he let me look through his wallet over, what, three months ago and I noticed that it was torn and picked up one for him and gave it to him as a token of my adoration (because nothing says "Hey, I like you a lot, please marry me now" than a wallet insert. I think it has something to do with being able to hold your business cards and not having them get all deformed that does it every time)). Last Sunday, on the crazy evening of karaoke (Beth wrote about it here), James was not there and I had given the wallet insert to Liz. She suggested that I give it to him last night and she then bet me five dollars that his response would be "Awesome" because that is a word he uses a lot.

His response was not "Awesome." He actually had switched the insert for one with another wallet. But he did thank me and then we laughed about how I was having financial difficulties and could I really afford this and does Kmart have a liberal return policy (Yeah, because now that I'm out that 78 cents, I'm really feeling the pinch)?

Beth then said something about how she really liked the word "Awesome" and that she uses it a lot. This would seem extremely random but Liz and I knew she was referring to the fact that Liz was convinced his response would be "Awesome." Liz said how she liked the word "Swell" and how she had a discussion with one of the dishwashers at the restaurant where she works about the difference between "Swell" and "Swell" (I'm doing just swell! My leg is starting to swell) and that English is a pretty tough language and how we're all glad that we grew up speaking it because, damn, it can get confusing.

This leads me to the part where James asked me another question and Heart, well, she wanted to respond a certain way.

James asked "Well, she (indicating Beth) loves the word awesome and she (indicating Liz) loves the word swell. What do you love?"

Fortunately, I had not been drinking* and Brain and Mouth were able to keep Heart from blurting out something she probably shouldn't.

*Joe, you asked about my declaring that "Oh my God, I am never drinking again." Yeah. I lied. As I said to James the Sunday of my semi-tipsy behavior, "I would never say no to...alcohol." I forgot to mention this in the last post. I came very close to saying "I would never say no to you." I should not be allowed to talk to him ever. EVER!

Guess what I wanted to say. Go on, guess. I bet you'll never figure it out.

Seriously. I think Shakespeare was right about this one

William Shakespeare (my favorite playwright, my 2nd favorite is Oscar Wilde for The Importance of Being Ernest) said in As You Like It that:

“All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players…” (You have to love it when spell check tries to correct Shakespeare. According to spell check, this should be “the entire world’s a stage” which just doesn’t sound right).

Anyway, my point to this is that, sometimes I feel like I am starring in this really insane sitcom that is about this woman and her body that has these different personalities and it might be something like Herman’s Head (which, damn, I loved that show and had the biggest crush on William Raggsdale after seeing him in Fright Night (Of course, I also had a crush on Roddy McDowall after seeing Fright Night so I’m not sure what that says about me)).

Did I say that I had a point in that last paragraph? I think I did. Let me think…hmm. Oh, yeah, so what happened last Sunday? Good question.

As you know, James was there. Here’s my recap of what happened (which can be viewed by looking at Beth’s pictures from the evening).

Amy brought Becky and me balloons! I like balloons! I may have attempted to wear them. I’m not telling.

Steve (Angie’s boyfriend Steve) was there and he asked me to make gestures while singing. This was to mock Amy’s performance during her show where they did the whole Ain’t No Mountain High Enough with gestures. Char also came up for a little while and she seconded that. So, during Change the World (my warm up song usually), I started doing what we sometimes refer to as “interactive karaoke.”

If I could reach the stars (hold one hand up towards the ceiling),
Pull one down for you (make a pulling gesture as if I had grabbed a star).
Shine it on my heart (bring non-existent star to my heart).

It is at this point that Bryan says “If you don’t stop that now, I’m going to stab you.” I stop momentarily, still singing. He walks away. Steve and Char are laughing. Beth, Amy and Angie seem to have disappeared.

I continue. Heck. I’ve got an audience. Is anyone surprised by this?

So you could see the truth (shade my eyes).

Bryan walks out with a fork. I stop with the gestures, looking vaguely guilty. He leaves again.

Ha. Like a mere fork could stop me. Except that Bryan turns around quickly and looks at me. I smile, pure innocence radiating from my face.

If I could be Queen (mock crown on my head)…

Oh, shit. Bryan’s got a knife. He walks toward me in a mock menacing manner. I start backing into the corner, trying to hide under the speakers. He laughs and walks away again. I finish the song without the gestures.

After I finish, Amy, Angie and Beth walk out, carrying a cake that is ablaze with candles (as one of them put it, “We were going to combine your age in candles but didn’t want to have the sprinklers go off.” Or something like that. Ha. Ha ha ha. Aren’t they funny? The correct answer is no). Cake is good. We all have some and then it leads to a cake fight between Steve and Angie (Becky somehow gets plastered with cake as well. Poor Becky).

Craig and Marissa were there. Marissa (still very young and now very drunk) was wishing me a happy birthday but accidentally called me Donna. The look of horror on her face when she realized that was somewhat amusing. It was even funnier when she started babbling to Beth about how much she liked us and now she insulted me by calling me Donna and was I just going to hate her and oh my goodness, let’s pinky swear about this that she won’t hate her. Beth and I have some sort of telepathic bond and are usually able to communicate exactly what we want to say in a look. Beth’s look communicated the following – “Oh my God. Can you believe I just pinky swore? How old is this girl?” Then Marissa leaned forward and said to me “I can’t believe I did this. I like Dana so much. Can you believe I called her Donna? Do you think she’ll hate me?” My look to Beth summed up “Oh, good Lord. How drunk is she? Does she not realize she’s talking to me about me?”

Craig gave me a batman decal. That was very exciting. He also promised to sing “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” with us the next Sunday. The plan is that he would sing the Meat Loaf part and we would sing the girl’s part. Except we would change the words to “Do you love us? Will you love us forever?” And mock make out with him during the instrumental break. Although, as I write this now, I must tell you that Craig chickened out and did not sing. I could not even convince him to lip sync while I sang the Meat Loaf part. When he said “Well, that wouldn’t be any fun for you guys,” I replied “Uh, yeah it would. Because we get to make out with you.” And then I realized that I said it out loud and was somewhat embarrassed. But damn, the guy is hot. Who can blame me (Although I am stating for the record that James is much cuter than Craig. James is cuter than everyone)?

I had two drinks and I’m not sure how many shots. So I was somewhat tipsy but not a repeat of the “Oh my God, I am never drinking again” night.

Anyway, Liz and James appeared. James (sigh) handed me a card. Here is what it says (It might help to know that there is a picture of Barbie in a pink dress (with dark hair, not that sleazy looking blonde hussy Barbie) on the cover and the card is purple with glitter flowers all over it):

Granddaughter,

Pretty as a picture,
Pretty in pink.
Barbie’s lovely,
Don’t you think?

(The inside continues the poem)

She also thinks
Your name should be
“Her Royal Highness Majesty,”
For after all,
You’re Princess for the Day!

Happy Birthday,
Your Sweetness!

(And he signed his name with an exclamation point and underlined his name. Obviously this means something. I’m not sure what but that’s not the point)

It is about here where the night took on the insane sitcom like quality.

So, let’s call this sitcom “Dana’s Body” and introduce you to the characters.

Humans:

Dana (That would be me)
Beth (That would be Beth)
James (Sigh. He’s so cute)
Liz (Friend of Dana, Beth and James)

Parts of Dana’s Body:

Brain (Condescending and yet panicky)
Mouth (Does not know when to keep her mouth shut)
Hand (Somewhat handy to have around)
Heart (Walks around in a constant James related haze. Imagine little hearts for eyes and you’ve got the idea)

Villain:

Alcohol (Has an evil laugh. Wears a lot of black. Twirls mustache on occasion)

Pilot Episode – why Dana should not drink

James hands Dana card. She reads it.

Dana: That card is fuckin’ awesome (when she gets drunk, she swears. She also has a tendency to drop her g’s and has even been known to refer to things as “rockin’”). Fuckin’ awesome (She may repeat these words several times).

Brain: Oh, for the love of God! Who told her she could talk?
Mouth: What are you talking about? It’s Dana. She is our Queen and we must obey her.
Brain: What? You’re kidding me, right? She obviously has no clue about what she is saying. The next time she tries to say something, you clear it through me first. Is that understood?
Alcohol: Heh heh heh heh. Watch Mouth get a little mouthy.
Mouth: You’re not the boss of me.
Brain: Excuse me? I am the brains of this operation, you know.
Mouth: You know, that was funny the first time you said it. Now? Not so much after the 757th time. God, you’re boring. I’m going to go talk to Heart now.

Meanwhile, Dana has shown James the Batman decal.

James: Hey. You can put it on your non-existent car.
Dana: Exactly! On my non-existent El Camino!

Heart: Sigh. He remembered the non-existent car. And he gave us a card about us being a Princess (She does a little dance of adoration).
Mouth: He’s pretty cool. Perhaps I should tell him that.
Heart: Oh, yes! Please do!
Brain (overhears conversation): Absolutely not! No unauthorized conversation! My God, people, do you have any idea how hard it is to maintain our reputation of coolness if you keep running off at the mouth?
Mouth: Excuse me? Running off at the mouth? What exactly is that supposed to mean?

Meanwhile, Dana has noticed that The New Twilight Zone is playing and it is an episode featuring Jeremy Piven.

Dana: Ooh. Look. It’s Jeremy Piven.
Beth: I like him.
Dana: Me too. Ooh. Look. He isn’t wearing a shirt.

Dana and Beth go on a little Jeremy Piven riff (Hey, we don’t always find the same men attractive so it’s kind of nice when we agree. Jeremy Piven, David Duchovny, Vince Vaugh…I’m not sure who else. I know she doesn’t agree with me about Rowan Atkinson).

James: Bryan likes him as well but probably not as much as you two do.

Heart: Oh, no! Dana keeps talking about Jeremy Piven. Mouth! We must let him know that he’s so much better looking than Jeremy Piven.
Mouth: Well, that’s easy.

Dana: Jeremy Piven is cute but he’s no Batman.
Beth: No, he’s not.
Dana: It takes a special man to be Batman (She stares vaguely off into space, a goofy smile on her face).

Brain: Oh my God! Not the Batman thing again!
Alcohol: Heh heh heh heh. This is fun.
Brain: Mouth, she promised she wouldn’t compare him to Batman again. Just last week.
Mouth: Oh, fine. You’re such a wimp.

Dana: Oh. I wasn’t going to talk about that. Oops.

James offers to buy Dana a drink.

James: What do you need?
Dana: Uh…um…

Mouth: I’m going to tell him what she needs. She needs him.
Brain: NO! Don’t you dare!
Mouth: Look, you’re really boring and I’m truly enjoying visiting with Alcohol and he’s a lot more fun than you and he says that it’ll be a good idea for her to tell him that. So there.
Brain: NO! Hand! Hand! I need you.
Hand: Here I come to save the day!

Dana slaps her hand over her mouth. The urge to tell James what she needs passes.

Dana: A buttery nipple would be nice.

Brain: Thank God. Crisis averted.
Alcohol: Heh heh heh heh. She's going to drink some more of me.

James goes to get the drink. Dana drinks the drink.

Hand: I'm just going to go sit over here.

Dana's hand, seemingly of it's own accord, sneaks over to rest, ever so gently, on the back of James' chair.

Brain: What are you doing? Stop that now!
Hand: What? I'm just sitting down.
Brain: Get out of there. Next thing you know, you'll start touching his back or something.
Hand: Oh, that's a good idea.
Brain: Hand, I command you to leave that chair right now!
Hand: No.
Brain: That's it. I can override you, you know.

Dana's hand suddenly leaps back to her own chair. This internal struggle is repeated at least one other time.

Some more time goes by. James offers to buy Dana another drink.

James: What do you need?
Dana: Uh. Beth? What do I need?
Beth: A buttery nipple. A double shot would be good.

Heart: A double shot of my baby's love.
Mouth: Oh, I like that.

Dana: A double shot of my baby's love (She pauses). Where the heck did that come from?

Brain: Oh, that is it. I am out of here. Let's see how well you people function without me.
Alcohol: Woo-hoo! Party at Dana's!


At the end of the evening (since, oddly enough, Dana doesn't seem to remember much more), James is standing by the door. He hugs Dana.

Dana: Thanks for the card.
James: You're welcome. Granddaughter.

Heart: Oh, God. He smells so good. I adore him. Can I just tell him that?
Mouth: I'm not sure that's such a good idea. What do you think, Brain?
Brain: I'm on strike. You do what you want.
Mouth: Heart, I think I'm going to have to say no to telling him about the adoration. This week. But we'll talk about him later.

On the way back to Beth's, thanks to the influence of Heart and Mouth, Dana babbled about James the entire time. It is amazing that Beth did not strangle her.

Anyway, that's it. That is the the tale of the birthday celebration. And if you think that the idea of my body parts having different personalities is far fetched, take this into consideration. I decided that, when I get home from work, I am going to spend at least ten minutes on the treadmill each night. Suddenly my foot has decided to start acting up and it hurts to walk (although this could have something to do with the fact that I did use the treadmill on Saturday and maybe I did something to it). Obviously it is a conspiracy.

With A Little Help From My Friends Lyrics

Joe Cocker
With A Little Help From My Friends

What would you think if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day,
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)

No, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I need somebody to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love.

Would you believe in a love at first sight
Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time
What do you see when you turn out the light
I can't tell you but I know it's mine,

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I just need someone to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
With a little help from my friends.

Week 5

Went to Weight Watchers yesterday. I was pretty sure that I had gained weight. You can't drink a ton of alcohol and eat cake and enjoy yourself immensely throughout the entire week without gaining weight.

And, when I stepped on the scale, I proved myself correct. I did gain some of the weight back. Exactly 2.2 pounds. I am at the ten pound mark right now.

You know what the great thing about this is? I wouldn't have changed anything that I did this week. It is amazing how much my attitude has changed. A few years ago I would have been beating myself up about what a stupid person I am for gaining the weight back. This time I smile and remember how much fun I had.

Yesterday Kari, Eric and Josh came over. They wanted to go swimming. We hung around the apartment for a little bit while Josh played with cat toys and tried to convince Eddy that he wanted to play with him. Eddy, however, is not used to small children and has a tendency to head very rapidly in the other direction when Josh comes over. There were a few moments when Eddy's sense of self-preservation deserted him and he approached Josh carefully, tempted by whatever toy Josh was flinging around at the time. Wish I would have had my camera on hand. Well, I have my camera but my battery charger seems to have disappeared and so the camera is empty of batteries (Did anyone else see "True Lies" and whenever your battery light starts flashing, think of that guy who is videotaping the crazy, fanatic guy and is scared to death when he has to tell crazy, fanatic guy that the batteries are dead? And, in your head, say "Batteries" in a quavery, Middle Eastern accent? Or is that just me?). Plus, my camera and I don't get along very well. It is bulky and does not have a stabilizer and I keep hoping that it will slim down and learn to deal with the fact that my hands shake whenever I take pictures. This never happens.

Anyway, we went swimming. Or, actually, Kari and Josh went swimming while I read my book (Birthday present to myself - Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett and how the hell did I miss this book because it is so damn funny) and take pictures of them with Kari's slim and stabilized camera. I would replace said camera with mine but I think she would notice the difference. And, since I wasn't able to swim (I'm sure you can all figure out why), I did spend the 10 longest minutes of my life on the treadmill. That was fun.

But where was Eric, you ask? Good question. Eric was upstairs watching "The Prince and I" with Keem. When they got there, she had only been watching it for a few minutes and he had to find out how it ended. He did come down later and was then lectured on all of the things that Kari had been telling Josh (No, Eric. There is no running. Take baby steps. No, Eric, you can't go into the hot tub. Josh wants to go into the hot tub and it is too hot for him). It was pretty funny.

We then went to Timber Lodge. It was my favorite restaurant and we always go there for my birthday. I say was my favorite restaurant because I think Manny's has spoiled me (for those of you who don't live in the area, Manny's is a restaurant in Minneapolis with fantastic food). I did enjoy the meal and the time spent with my family. I made good choices, no croutons on the salad, dressing on the side and I did the fork trick (dip your fork into the dressing and then stab your lettuce. You get the perfect amount of dressing each time and use a lot less). I asked for my butter and sour cream for the baked potato to be on the side as well and then added just what I needed to make it perfect, over half of the butter and sour cream remained in their containers. When I found that I was getting full, I asked for a box instead of continuing to eat what was in front of me. And then, I did get dessert but we shared it. And I only had enough of the dessert to satisfy my cravings (it helped that the oreo cheesecake was horribly bland, the apple crisp was fantastic).

All in all, it was a good day.

I promise I'll finish the birthday post soon. But I have to do five thousand loads of laundry right now.

Happy Birthday to Me - Part Two, Poetry Friday Week 2 and Week 4 (of the weight loss)

Okay, one thing I forgot to mention in my first post is how Beth, Craig and I were sitting at a table at karaoke on Saturday night and somehow we decided that we were all going to sing opera style instead of talking. This might have something to do with the fact that I occasionally will break out in what my former boss Mike would refer to as "random las (You know, la-la-la etc.)" and occasionally this will be in an operatic fashion. Some people might question this but others, like Beth and Craig, will decide "Hey, wouldn't it be fun if we all sang opera style instead of using actual words?" At least I think that's what happened. Beth will probably remember better.

Anyway, my point to all of this is that, while we're amusing each other by singing silly things like "Iiiiiii haaave aaaaa glass of WAH-ter" (this is an example. I'm not sure what we actually sang. As I've asked Beth lately "What's that stuff that I should take but I never remember to take?" And she laughed and said "Ginko." This may give you a clue about how great my memory is. And I'm one year older! Woo-hoo. I forsee many memory cells dying), Angie walks up. She is eating something.

Beth sings "Whhhaat aaaare yoooooooou eaating?"

Then Craig sings "Whaaaat are yoooooooouuuu eaaating?"

And I sing "Whaaaaaat are yoooouuuu eaaaatinnnng?" after Craig.

Angie replies "Griiiiilllllllled Cheeeeesse."

Do I not have the coolest group of friends ever? The idea that we would all start singing operatically (and yes, I'm sure that's not a word and no, I don't really care) and that Angie would answer us the same way? This just reinforces my belief that my life is completely awesome.

Anyway, there has been some concern about the fact that I have not yet posted about what happened on Sunday. So here goes.

I went to karaoke. I saw James. He gave me a card. My God, I adore him. He hugged me. The end.

Yes, there is more to it than that but I am very tired and I have to go to Weight Watchers very early and do lots of running around and then maybe do laundry (I hate laundry) and so I am going to go to bed very soon. Hopefully I will get a chance to post more tomorrow.

Anyway, our poem today is my favorite Robert Frost poem.

Nothing Gold Can Stay
Robert Frost

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

I was in Speech in High School and I did Extemperaneous Poetry (I think that's how its spelled. I have no clue and I'm too tired to go to dictionary.com right now) which mainly meant that I drew the name of a poem a half hour before I was supposed to go on stage and read it to a bunch of people. It was fun. This was my favorite poem to read. Mending Wall is great but takes forever.

Week 4.

I lost .6 pounds. I am pleased with this. I had made some not so wise decisions last week and my belief is that there is no "only" in weight loss.

Tomorrow I go back to Weight Watchers after my birthday week and I'm pretty sure that I've gained some of the weight back. But I'm okay with that. I had an absolutely awesome week surrounded by great friends and I will be back on track next week.

Hopefully you are all doing well. I will get around to your blogs soon. Miss you all.

We interrupt this tax season to bring you this special message

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I hate tax season. Hate it. Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. Hatie McHate Hate.

We are busy. I see no chance to finish my post about my birthday today. Please do not hate me.

I also see no chance to read any of the blogs I have neglected in the last week any time soon. Again, please do not hate me.

But I do bring you an exciting new quiz that reveals that I am, as we all knew, kind of a freak. Thanks to Beth for this (apparently she got this from Teri. Sorry, Teri. But really, do you expect me to remember these details? Don't answer that).

Mostly Calvin You are 80% Calvin and 20% Hobbes

Your inner Calvin often prevails, but, as in the image below, you have a significant Hobbesian component. I'm going to try to stretch the visual metaphor here: you have a good head on your shoulders, but when you don't use it, your crazy body gets you in trouble? Does that work? Odds are you're impulsive and imaginative, but it's possible you've collected just enough wisdom to hold your most anti-social urges in check. Most of the time. It's a precarious balance, like a boy on one foot with a tiger head.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 95% on calvin You scored higher than 1% on hobbes

Link: The Calvin Or Hobbes Test written by gwendolynbooks on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Happy Birthday to me!

Thank you all for your lovely comments on my last post. Wasn't that one from my mother just absolutely beautiful? I thought so. All your comments made me a little teary eyed.

Beth has pictures from the weekend located here. You can see me in my birthday glory!

My celebration began on Thursday. Jodi (co-worker) brought me in a balloon, some absolutely wonderful chocolate and a small frog statue. Because I like frogs and have a collection of them at my desk. No one at work, other than Keem, knows that I call frogs green duckies. This is okay because they all think that I'm a freak already. I don't need to give them more fuel for the "Dana is odd" fire.

Thursday night, I met Beth at the Chalet and we had a lot of fun. Steve (Beth's team lead) was there with his roommate Katie and Sarah (on Beth's team. Not to be confused with Sara) also was there. We had fun laughing, talking and trying to get Steve to sing songs that we picked out for him. Unfortunately, Bryan backed him up when we called out the number for "It's Raining Men" because Steve used the (lame) excuse that he doesn't know the song. Liz came up a little earlier and James was with her. It was nice to see them.

We then headed over to the Perkins in Roseville so we could continue the laughter. Since I (wisely) took Friday and Monday off, I did not have to go home and try to cram eight hours of sleep into three hours. The waiter's name tag said David $$ and he was then given the new name of "D Money" because that is the nickname Beth's old boss gave me and it drives me insane when I am called that. Beth said that I couldn't get mad because they weren't calling me "D Money." This is good logic but there is something about the words "D Money" that just makes me cringe. It is akin to the way Beth feels about touching hologram material.

Friday, even though I had the day off, I headed into work. I had to make a deposit (long story short, my sister and brother-in-law came to my rescue when I made some very poor financial choices) and Keem and I were going to go to Target afterwards. I am working on my room still, mainly just organizing the chaos. It is much better than it used to be but now I'm actually putting things into a specific spot instead of just throwing it into a box. Well, sort of. I have gone through a lot of stuff and tossed things out - that is so not like me.

Friday night, Beth picked me up and we went to Wild Tymes to see Angie. Craig was also there, along with Marissa who he is dating. She is a very sweet girl (but young. Oh my God, she is young) and we like her. I was not feeling very well on Friday, not sure what was wrong but Beth and I turned down an invitation to come over to Craig's and sit outside by a fire. Beth ended up dropping me home.

Saturday I cleaned my room some more. Oh, the excitement. I also dyed my hair - very excited about finding Burgundy hair dye for $2.99 (I'm trying to budget. It is less than exciting but what are you going to do?), usually the cheaper hair dyes do not have the more exotic colors. Just because I'm a natural brunette (just don't ask me what shade) doesn't mean I have to dye my hair that color.

I tried to take a nap but received a phone call from Mom. We had a nice talk and then it was time for me to get ready. Beth and I were going to meet Angie, Steve (her boyfriend, not Beth's team lead), Craig and Becky up at Century College because Amy was participating in a show for her group, Harmonic Relief. It was great! I would find myself glancing over at Beth at times, wanting to share the excitement and fun that I was feeling with someone. She would grin back at me. Amy has a fantastic voice and it was nice seeing her showcased in several solos. And doing some basic dancing.

Such as the dance to "Ain't No Mountain High Enough."

Ain't no mountain high enough (right hand extended toward the ceiling),
Ain't no valley low enough (left hand extended toward the floor),
Ain't no river wide enough (hands cross and extend toward sides to indicate width)
To keep me away from you.

We had a great time teasing her about that. Because we are evil.

After the show, Beth and I met Craig and Becky up at Chipoltle. We then headed up to the Chalet because Angie was working there. I received many birthday wishes.

After the Chalet, Beth and I headed out to her apartment. I wasn't feeling good again and wasn't sure what the problem was. I soon figured out that it was an upset stomach. This discovery was made when I accidentally expelled air (some people would refer to this as a burp. But that is just not ladylike) and it helped relieve some of the uncomfortable feeling. I started drinking a Coke because that usually makes people expel air more rapidly.

DM: (Expels air) Oh, thank God.
B: Did you just thank God because you burped?
DM: I have got to be the only person in the world that gets excited when she burps. My life is so pathetic.

When Beth and I scrapbook, we get silly and giddy. Somewhere in her apartment is a piece of paper where I have written some of our conversation down.

Anyway, I have to go back to work so I'm going to publish this. I'll try to finish the rest of the weekend tomorrow.

Poetry Friday - Week 1

I am climbing on the bandwagon that is Poetry Friday. I'm not sure who started this but it is a good idea. Anyway, here is my selection for the week. I discovered this poem in High School and have always had a soft spot for it. I think it is beautiful. Matthew Arnold was able to make me hear the music that is the sea at night by his words. It reminds me of Monet and how he was able to take simple brush strokes and make you not only see but feel his paintings.


Dover Beach

by Matthew Arnold

The sea is calm to-night.
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits; -on the French coast the light
Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Come to the window, sweet is the night air!
Only, from the long line of spray
Where the sea meets the moon-blanch'd land,
Listen! you hear the grating roar
Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,
At their return, up the high strand,
Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
The eternal note of sadness in.

Sophocles long ago
Heard it on the Aegean, and it brought
Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow
Of human misery; we
Find also in the sound a thought,
Hearing it by this distant northern sea.

The Sea of Faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furl'd.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world.

Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,

Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.

[1867]

I don't think anyone's going to be overly surprised by the results

ORANGE:

At work or in school: I need to be
"hands on": I like to play games,
to compete, and to perform. I enjoy
flexibility, changes of pace, and variety. I
have difficulty with routine and structure.
My favorite subjects are music, art, theatre,
and crafts. I often excel in sports. I like
solving problems in active ways and
negotiating for what I want. I can be direct
and like immediate results.
With friends: Planning ahead bores me
because I never know what I want to do until
the moment arrives. I like to excite my
friends with new and different things, places
to go, and romantic moments.
With family: I need a lot of space and
freedom. I want everyone to have fun. It is
hard for me to follow rules, and I feel we
should all just enjoy one another.

What Color is Your Brain?
brought to you by Quizilla!

Week 3

There is no triumphant tale of weight loss for this last Saturday. Fortunately, there isn't a tale of woe instead. No, what happened was that Keem went out of town for the weekend and we did not go to Weight Watcher's. This is actually a good thing because it was a totally crappy week. I was stressed out over some financial difficulties (still am but not as much since I now have somewhat of a game plan), work has been extremely hectic and there is that dreaded birthday approaching. This may or may not have led to some creative calculating of calories (Mark, that alliteration is just for you). I am pretty sure that I may have gained some of the weight back.

We are going back this Saturday. I am not as stressed out, work is still hectic but Joe made me laugh about it with his comment about calculating his cost basis (Joe, I told Beth that if I ever meet you, I'm going to have to smack you for that. But gosh, it was funny) and the birthday blues seem to have passed on by. Amazing what actually taking my Effexor can do for me. Plus, Weight Watchers recommends that you take a multi-vitamin when dieting and I seem to have a bit more energy (case in point, maybe 3 hours of sleep last night but I have not yet fallen asleep on any of the stock owners). This is a good thing.

For those of you that are interested, here are the links to week one and week two. At last count, I have lost 11.6 pounds. In the spirit of complete and total honesty, which we all know that I am (except for the occasional exaggeration for comic effect), I will tell you that my goal is to get to 150 at the very least. That is exactly 209 pounds from my starting weight. Scary, huh? I have no idea how I managed to pack on 200+ pounds in 20+ years (my weight when I graduated from high school was 180) but I did and I have to deal with it.

I had mentioned to Beth that I wanted to do a scrapbook when this was all finished, documenting my weight loss and what I was feeling while it happened. This is one of the reasons for the blog posts. It's a great way to keep track of what is going on, what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling and it works so much better to do this than keeping a seperate blog did. Anyway, Beth has taken pictures of me each week.

Here is the picture taken right after I started Weight Watchers. When I learned that I weighed the most I ever had in my life (although this is the most that I ever knew about, Beth is pretty sure I was heavier in Portugal which is kind of scary).

Here is the picture from week one, after the 7 pound weight loss.

Here is the picture from week two, after the 4.6 pound weight loss - grand total 11.6 pounds! This is my favorite picture so far. I love the pig tails. Beth put them in for me at karaoke. She also gave herself braids and Bryan referred to her as the Swedish troublemaker (I think it was troublemaker. Now I don't remember).

Last night, Angie and James sang "Islands in the Stream." James had been picking songs for us last week and wanted Angie to try it. She informed him that she didn't know it very well and she would learn it but only if he sang it with her. We were very amused by this, especially at the look on his face when he realized that he had trapped himself. It may tell you about my incredible like for James when I say that I think he's a great singer. I know he really isn't but I'm biased. Apparently like is not only blind but tone deaf. Anyway, Beth took a picture of them and then realized that she didn't get one of me for this week.

I went up to the stage and asked Bryan for a microphone. He looked at me puzzled. "I just unplugged them," he said. "That's okay," I told him. "I just need to get my picture taken." He was even more puzzled and Beth explained we were documenting my weight loss. He thought that was a cool idea. So there will be a picture soon.

Anyway, after karaoke, while Beth and I were talking about the evening, I was yet again reminded of why I'm so glad that I didn't give into the suicidal impules from my past - I have a great bunch of friends. The people I hang out with in real life are so cool and fun and great to be around. They're very supportive of me and willing to listen to when I need someone to talk to. And the people that I have "met" through the blogging world are also cool and fun and great to be around on the internet. You guys all rock. Thank you for your support.

Counting down

I walked into work yesterday and overheard someone say to someone else "Today is March 1st."

What? Already? How is this possible?

I stopped in the middle of aisle and announced that I was going home. "In 11 days, I will be 39."

Everyone laughed, although there was one woman who was a bit symphathetic because she had been there.

This is probably the first year in a long time that I have not descended into a total and crippling depression right about the time of my birthday. It's been a crappy week for me, I've been extremely stressed out and I'm having a hard time getting up the energy to do anything (including going to work) but I am not just functioning, I'm living. Maybe not with my usual enthusiasm or the normal goofiness that seems to follow me around but I am alive.

Things I am looking forward to this week:

Watching Lost (taped last night so Kim and I could watch American Idol).

The results show for American Idol tonight. I don't really care about the results as long as my favorites stay but it's a chance to see that they are going to stay. I never thought I would become an American Idol fan but I'm starting to enjoy the show. I like music. I like people who sing well. I even (and I can't believe I'm saying this) am starting to like Simon Cowell. Because, yeah, he's kind of an ass (case in point, at one time he told someone that their performance was pure karaoke. What's wrong with karaoke, hmm? Although I knew exactly what he meant - the person singing pretty much just emulated the song. There was nothing original about it at all) but he's not sitting there telling these people that they're superstars. When he compliments someone, it seems more real than when Paula gushes over mundane performences. I also did the karaoke power salute when Elliot was singing last night. Because, yes, I am a dork.

Going to karaoke tonight. Yay karaoke! Seeing Beth. Yay Beth!

I have a $25 gift certificate to Barnes and Noble. I am going to purchase myself a book. I think I deserve it. More than likely it will be something by Neil Gaiman because I finished American Gods last night and I want more. Really, really good book. Have I mentioned that? I might have. Okay. I have checked out Barnes and Noble. $25 is not enough for all that I want. Sigh. I don't think $250 would be enough for what I want. Why do books have to be so good? Fortunately, I do have some reward points that I can redeem for a $10 gift certificate. That will be $35 and I might even be able to get two books! Woo-hoo!

Tomorrow is Friday. Meaning that there is only one day away from the weekend and no one will ask me what their cost basis is for two whole days.

On Saturday, I am going over to Beth's after work and am going to scrapbook. And then there will be karaoke on Sunday. I love Sundays. They are the best day of the week.


You know, doing this made me perk up. Perhaps I should do this more often. I hope you all have something exciting to look forward to this week.

Now for something not weight or money related

So. Holly over at Nothing But Bonfires posted this wonderful survey thing (we're not calling it a meme, apparently) and I liked it lots and hopefully you will as well. It's a great way for us to get to know each other and will distract me from the ups (weight loss) and downs (financial fiasco) of my life.

In Holly's words "Here is what you have to do. You just have to answer five questions. They are easy questions and there is no math required and I will not ask you what color underwear you are wearing, and you can probably do them in ten seconds. And everyone likes answering questions! Right? Or is that just me? I always fill out the “How was your experience?” cards at hotels and restaurants. Sometimes twice." This is a girl after my own heart. No math and I also fill out the 'How was your experience' cards.

Okay. This is weird. My iTunes is playing "I'll Be There" by Hootie and the Blowfish and Hootie just sang something about being alone in Charleston. But I suppose that's probably only weird if you knew that Holly lives in Charleston. Which you probably didn't.

Again, in Holly's words "Anyway, here are your questions. You can be as brief in your answers as you like, or as long-winded. You can dot the “i”s with little hearts if you’d like, too."

1) What are you currently reading? Do you like it enough to tell me to use my $25 gift certificate to Barnes and Noble to purchase it? I would say check it out from the library as Holly did but I have not been able to convince Keem that going to the library would be a good thing. She calls me a book pusher.

2) If you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

3) "If no-one would ever know about it and you’d feel no raging guilt or remorse—and also if you could do it without splattering blood on yourself and totally ruining your shoes—who would you remove from the planet forever? (It can’t be me. What, you want me crying under my desk all afternoon?)" - Again, this was in Holly's words.

4) What is your favorite word? And what is your least favorite word?

5) Please describe your hair.

Here were my answers:

1. My purse book is American Gods - Neal Gaiman. I’m about five chapters in and I’m hooked. My home book is Whiteout by some Follett guy (can’t remember his first name) and I like him as well. He also wrote Night Over Water and that was excellent.*

*That Follett guy is actually Ken Follett and I just finished Whiteout tonight. Not as good as Night Over Water but still, pretty damn good.

2. Um, I’m assuming calories don’t count, right? Because I just joined Weight Watchers and have planned on never eating them again. The salty goodness that are French Fries. Or Garlic Roasted Mashed Potatoes. Or Ribs. Dang it. Now I’m hungry. And I can’t choose!

3. I try to ignore politics but I really, really, really dislike George Bush. But if I whack him, Cheney becomes president. I’m not sure what is worse. Maybe the guy who is running for gov of Minnesota that is a vampire. He irritates me. And people laughed at Jesse Ventura. Please. Jesse’s cool.

4. Favorites are thwack, thwart and segue. I hate the g-d dammit word. I’m not overly religious but that just strikes me as blasphemy. If I ever catch myself using it, I will apologize to God. Does that make me weird? It does, doesn’t it?

5. I have no idea what my natural hair color is - maybe black? Brown? I’ve been dying it forever. Right now it is dyed Cinnamon Stick from a box that has the highlights and regular dye together. Except that I got bored with the highlighting part, took the goop and just ran my hands through my hair. It’s interesting…kind of orangish brown. I’m also trying to grow it so I got a perm and I kind of look like a poodle.*

*And now the roots are gray. Stupid roots. Permanent color, my ass.

Doesn't this seem like fun?

When it's a good idea to listen to the little voices in your head

So lately I've been having some financial difficulties (also known as "Why on Earth am I allowed to have a checkbook?") and have been doing some major scrambling to be able to afford important things like hair dye and groceries and oh, rent. I am not going to tell you how I got into this trouble (not like the previous "Why on Earth am I allowed to have a checkbook?" remark is so cryptic that you'll never figure it out) because it is extremely embarrassing and stupid and sometimes I think that I really need to ask my doctor to up my dosage of Effexor because I do not think clearly in times of stress and make bad choices on how to solve problems. Except that I can't afford to go to the doctor or buy Effexor right now either.

Anyway, last night, as I sat in the bathroom of the Chinese restaurant crying* (My God, that sounds pathetic but I'll list the reasons why in a minute), I kept hearing a voice telling me to call your sister. Talk to your sister. I rejected this as an option, dashed the tears away and went and got delicious Mongolian barbecue (garlic is our friend). Why? Why would anyone sit in a bathroom crying, asking God for help and then reject the one thing that pops into their head as a result of a direct question? Because I am an idiot.

*Reasons why I broke down into tears:

1. It is Monday. I hate Mondays.
2. I had 3 hours of sleep because Sunday, the best day of the week, is karaoke day and I didn't get home until 3 AM.
3. I had the worst headache ever and my entire body hurt and I felt like all my bones were rubbing up against my other bones and there is something extremely painful about that. I don't know how to describe it other than that.
4. I hate overdraft fees with a passion. Unfortunately, I have no one else to blame for that but myself.
5. I can't afford Effexor right now so I didn't take any pills for the last 4 days (I only have two left) and I just might be going through withdrawl (withdrawal? Why do I not know how to spell this?) and this is probably not a good idea. Effexor is important.
6. Did I mention that I hate Mondays?
7. Why, why, why, why do people call on Mondays and then bitch about the fact that our hold time is so long? Did it ever occur to them that a) it is Monday and 40 other people decided to call us as well, b) it is tax season, c) maybe if you'd read the stupid letter explaining why we rejected your transfer, you would know why we rejected your transfer, you moron, d) what part of RETAIN YOUR STATEMENT FOR TAX INFORMATION do you not understand?
8. The whole financial fiasco (which is fun to say even though it completely sucks).

Anyway, I came home and saw there was a message flashing on the machine. It was from Kari (that would be my sister). I called her and ended up bursting into tears (yet again) and poured out everything about how I feel like a complete loser and I'm going to be 40 (well, I will be. Not for a little over a year but it's out there. Just waiting for me. You can insert the Jaws music here) and you'd think I'd be able to do just one thing right and why do overdraft fees come in packs of threes (seriously. Every time I overdraw my account, it's always 3 items. Can you say "Bye-bye 99 dollars?" I can) and what was I going to do and on and on and on.

Long story short, I feel much better. She's going to try and help me with part of my problem. It's going to require sitting down with her to come up with a budget (shudder) and spending will be curtailed (which is a good idea and something I've done for the most part) and I will probably need to learn to keep a ledger for my checkbook (does it amaze anyone else that I work for a bank and yet still do not know how to balance my checkbook?).

Anyway, tonight (yesterday technically but you know what I mean) I pulled up My Way and read this after telling Kari all:

Pisces - Somewhere between late this afternoon and early this evening, you'll need to make a decision: whether to let a secret finally see the light of day, or keep it under wraps. Use that famous intuition of yours to make your decision -- and consider the future of all parties concerned. Don't feel guilty if your ultimate decision is to open up and let the truth be told. Every now and then, clearing the air is really the best tactic. For all parties concerned.

It's kind of nice to know that God* will resort to anything to get His point across - even to use my horoscope. And it's really nice to know that I have family and friends who are there to stop me when my thoughts that I'm just a complete loser take over everything that is positive in my life.

*I know that not everyone has the same beliefs about God that I do. I don't expect you to think the same way that I do. This is the difference between me and oh, I don't know, the majority of the really irritating Fundamentalists. But I do believe in God and I do believe He does work in mysterious ways and I do believe that He does talk to us. Not literally. I don't think that the skies are going to open up and I'm going to hear Him say "So, Dana. How about those Vikings?" Does that make sense? I'm not really insane. I promise.

Week 2

Keem and I went to Weight Watchers again yesterday (Week One is here). We had decided to skip the meeting since we are not very fond of the leader. There are two of them, the one we like (whose name I cannot remember) and the other one. The other one did not win my heart when she stood in front of us on our first meeting during Orientation and said "I lost 25 pounds 17 years ago and have maintained that all this time." Both Keem and I know that the important part is not how much she has lost but the fact that she's managed to keep it off all of this time. We know that. No lectures necessary. But when you're sitting there, realizing that you weigh the most you have ever weighed in your entire life and while you know you're making a great change to your lifestyle, it is still a bit annoying to be confronted with a tall, slender woman who is waxing eloquently about her fricking 25 pound weight loss.

There are reasons we aren't fond of her, of course. This isn't the only one. She doesn't have the personality that our favorite leader has (yes. Our favorite. Whose name we can't remember. Actually, now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure it's Lisa) or lead a meeting very well. But that's the one that sticks out the most in my head. I know it's petty but still...a little part of me wants to say "Hey. Can you get a leader whose lost over a 100 pounds? Would that be too much to ask? Because it would be nice to see that kind of success story."

After weigh in, and the dance of joy to realize that I lost another 4.6 pounds (total so far is now 11.6 pounds. Woo-hoo!), Keem and I tried to decide what we were going to do for the rest of the afternoon. The discussion turned to food since we were both hungry. We talked about going to Don Pablos but reasonably decided that as much as the Queso Blanco sounded really frickin' good, it was not a wise choice to make. We ended up going back to the apartment and eating sandwiches. Not as exciting as Don Pablos but a much better decision.

Things that I have learned this week:

1. Ordering Girl Scout cookies back in January, knowing full well that I was going to join Weight Watchers, was not a wise choice. I was confronted by the absolute stupidity of this decision on Friday when the four boxes (I know! Four! What the hell was I thinking?) of Thin Mints was placed on my desk. I love the Thin Mints. They are evil little cookies with chocolate and mint and crunchy goodness. But you know what? Weight Watchers makes a two points bar that is also chocolate and mint and chewy goodness and they are actually better. Isn't that weird?
2. I have some of the greatest co-workers in the world. Jodi, bless her heart, when I was talking about the stupid Thin Mints and how I wanted more of them after eating two servings (6 points for 8 cookies. What a waste of points), asked me if I wanted her to stash them at her desk. Yes! I love her. She also works at a wine bar and brings me wine corks. Which is completely unrelated to weight loss but is one of the reasons I love her. Do you drink wine? You should save the wine corks for me so I can make a cool cork board. It would be fun. Well, for me. I'm not sure how much fun it would be for you. You should try it and we can find out how much fun it is for you. I am sure I will receive emails of glowing recommendations about how exciting saving wine corks is and how you just wish you had done it sooner.
3. Speaking of email, gmail will not load on my stupid, piece of crap computer that hates me so I have a new email address now. It is greenduckiesgirl AT myway DOT com. If you spam me, I will hurt you. I am overweight and will smush you when I sit on you. Trust me. I am a vengeful person.
4. One of the things that has helped with the weight loss is that I actually listened to my doctor when he said "Just try walking a little bit more each day. Every little bit helps." So, when I print a letter for a customer, I walk to the mail box thing that is farther away (about five cubicle rows) than the one that is right next to my desk. When I'm listening to music, I sort of chair dance. If I'm standing and there is music, I sort of bounce around in place. I once read that fidgeting can help you lose weight so I've become a great fidgeter (I am not sure if that is how you spell fidgeting or if fidgeter is even a word but I don't care. I am such a rebel). Another thing I will do now is, when putting the cart away at the grocery store parking lot, I will walk to the furthest away cart corral. Unless it's below zero. Then I figure I'm losing weight just by living in the stupid state of Minnesota and shivering incessantly.
5. Weight Watchers makes a Giant Cookies and Cream Ice Cream bar (well, technically I think it's ice milk but seriously, who cares? There's not that big of a difference) that is only 2 points. It is gigantic (probably why they named it the Giant bar) and one of the best things I have ever ate in my life.
6. Bacon is not 3 points a serving. This is very sad. It is actually 4 points for 3 slices and not 3 points for 4 slices. I somehow feel a little gypped by this. But it could be worse. It could be 17 points for a serving (Chicken Kiev. I have not had Chicken Kiev in years after finding that out. I used to eat two of the damn things at the same time. Oh, the horror when I figured out what I was doing to myself).
7. Thanks, Mark, I have now found out when I am going to die. So glad I took this stupid test. Okay, actually, it was fun.

Hope you're all having a great week.

Karaoke Junkies of the world unite!

So Keem, Jeff and I are watching American Idol on Tuesday. It's the guys night to sing. One of the singers, Elliot, is telling why he chose the song that he did (for the life of me, I can't remember what it was). He says something along the lines of "Whenever I sing this at karaoke, people seem to like it."

I do the commonly known Power Salute (fist raised in the air) at the mention of karaoke. Keem says, in her sarcastic and MEAN tone "Yes, Dana. And I'm sure your karaoke brethren all saw that."

She's such a bitch. But you got to love her.

Memories of Karaoke Past

Last night, I was visited by the ghost of Karaoke Past. It was a little frightening. The spirit appeared to me with microphones wrapped around it, a high-pitched wailing rendition of "Picture" emanating from its mouth. It was then I realized in horror that I've not done a karaoke update in quite some time. This is terrible. How would you possibly know what was going on at the Chalet? I promised to rectify the situation as soon as possible and the ghost went away, to my relief.

Unfortunately, I haven't been keeping very good track of what happened when so we'll have to rely on my memory (which is not the best) and comments from Beth to fill us in on anything I might have missed.

Several weeks ago, we arrived at karaoke and were pleased to see others of our group show up shortly after us. There was a man who was sitting near our table that kept walking back and forth to the pull tabs booth. When Sara decided to pull a couple of tables together, she enlisted his help. Sara is both blonde and buxom and the man was more than pleased to assist her. He also tried to engage us in conversation.

Man: I see you've got your communion together.
DM: Do you mean our commune?
Sara: It's our...um, what's the word? The word for a group of witches?
DM: Coven?
Man: Your covenant?

It amused me that not only did he not know what the correct words were but he kept using religious terms.

A week ago Sunday, our resident celebrity (besides Bryan) Dan Lang was there (he was in Bryan's band, Medium and Beth, Angie and I all have his autograph. He thinks we're weird). He decided to sing "When I'm 64" by the Beatles which is my favorite Beatles song ever. My next favorite is "PS I love you."*

*Beth once left a comment saying that she thought I was more of an Elvis girl than a Beatles girl and that is correct. I do prefer the sultry voice of Elvis over the Beatles. However, the post I was writing about was about how I asked a group of girls why they listened to New Kids on the Block. Hadn't they ever heard of the Beatles? Their response? "They're old!" Stupid kids. So I was comparing one male group to another.

Later on in the night, the decision was to go to the wheel. This is also referred to as karaoke roulette. It's played by Bryan asking for a number from 1-100 and that decides the disc. He'll then ask for a number of 1-18 and that decides the track number. We did have the option of tapping the person out if the song was something they had never heard of before.

I don't remember all of the songs but we did manage to maneuver (ever so cleverly) Dan into singing "I Touch Myself." That was hilarious. Our clever maneuvers included whispering "Hey, let's have Dan sing (whatever the number is for the song. Beth has it memorized. I don't (I should clarify that Beth loves numbers and has a tendency to memorize all of the song numbers that she sings and most of mine. Not because she sings "I Touch Myself" on a regular basis)). That would be funny." And then we would shout out the number. Bryan, in an attempt to thwart us, would ask a random person for the track number. He chose John (semi-singing regular) this time but fortunately (for us, not so fortunately for Dan), Dan didn't know the song and was tapped out. When Bryan asked John for a new number, John conceded to peer pressure.

Dan said, right before the song title came up "Hmm. I'm not sure this is good when all of you start shouting the same number." What can we say? We are evil.

Dean was also there and he participated in the wheel. I'm not sure what song he ended up with. Beth also participated. She was less than thrilled with her song "Baby Got Back." She did a pretty good job of it but it's a song Dean usually sings and we consider it sacrilege if someone else sings it. So she was having some issues with it. "But it's Dean's song!" she said.

I ended up with "White Rabbit." It's never a song I recognize the name when it appears on the screen but you know it the minute you hear the music. It immediately conjures up images of watching the movie "Go Ask Alice" (and apparently I'm going to have to watch it again because William Shatner was in it. How do I not remember this?) and remembering reading the book. There are two scenes I remember from the movie clearly - one was Alice and her friends stoned at her brother's birthday party and her parents had no clue but her brother knew. The other was when she went to treatment and one of the patients was talking about getting stoned. What she said to that always stuck with me - "He's getting high just talking about getting high, and you're getting high off of his high, and I'm getting high off of your high. And it's one big contact high."

Anyway, apparently I did a good job with the song so my memory finally worked and helped me out with something (finally). Dean told Beth it needed to be added to my list.

Bryan decided that we were going to form a new church. His opinion was that, since there apparently is a church of vampires somewhere in Minnesota, why couldn't we form our own church? We would become the Church of the Angry Frankenstein Monsters. We had a lot of fun pretending to be Angry Frankenstein Monsters. Rhianna (regular), Troy (recent regular) and their friend (small blonde woman whose name I have not yet learned, also a regular) are also going to join our church. Troy sang a song that Bryan introduced as the most homo-erotic song ever. We had a great time laughing over the lyrics and had to agree with Bryan's theory.

Friday night, Beth and I journeyed up to Wild Tymes to see Angie. That was fun. Dean was up there as well and I was going to sing "White Rabbit" for him. Unfortunately, I do not remember things very well and gave Angie the wrong number so I had to pick another song. I did end up singing it later and I gained an audience of several attractive males who were singing along with me and told me that I rocked and also, after I finished singing, some girl came up and hugged me and thanked me for singing the song because it was her favorite song ever (I am puzzled as to why her favorite song is about drug abuse but hey, to each their own).

Sunday, we were up at the Chalet again. It was an interesting night. I was in an incredibly great mood because of the whole weight loss and hugged Andrew in my enthusiasm. We (Sara, Beth, Amy, Angie and I) gave him a great deal of crap because he was dressed up (well, for Andrew), wearing khakis and a nice blue button up shirt. If you remember, a month or so ago, I mentioned that Nate had broken up with Becky. To fill you in on the recent Chalet gossip, Nate was actually seeing someone else and ended up marrying her. To the delight of Beth, Angie, Amy, Sara and I, Andrew and Becky have started to date. Possibly. We're not sure if it's official or not but we are all pleased with this. Andrew is a great guy and we all adore him and plus, he has hair so I very much approve. After all, one of my daily affirmations that I created for Becky was that she deserved a man with hair.

Dan was there again and he, Bryan and Angie sang something by Alabama. Rocky Mountain Music? I think that's right. Nice harmony between the three of them.

And, because I am a woman and it is my job to obsess about these things - a week ago Sunday, James sat next to me (after an effective strategy employed by Beth ("James! You should sit by us so we can talk about Lost")). Now, perhaps I am reading way too much into this but if you're not interested in a woman, would you continue to leave your knee/leg pressed up against hers? And when she moved her knee because she wasn't sure if you were doing it or if she's just so desperate for your touch that she subconsciously throws herself at you, would you move your knee back so you were touching her again?

And then, this last Sunday, he didn't sit by me but, when Beth asked him what song I should sing (we had decided it was New Song Sunday again and I was rejecting all of her choices) he said I should sing "Take On Me." This is one of the songs ever. You go from a normal range to high, ear-splitting notes that I couldn't reach if I climbed a ladder. But I tried it. It was horrible. I think I did okay with the normal part but couldn't get anywhere close to the really high note.

Anyway, at the end of the night, when we were all saying goodbye, I had walked past James to stand by the door. I was not touching him, there was a gap in between us, and he moved! Moved so that he was touching me, so that his arm and shoulder was behind me and I was somewhat leaning against him. Why? Why does he do that? Is he trying to drive me insane? I think so.

Tonight is karaoke again, a return to the Chalet. I am looking forward to it.

Week 1

Welcome to a new feature on my blog. I know you'll all be very excited to participate.*

*I can just hear people muttering "What is that freak Dana getting us into this time?" Well, you can just relax. This is something you will all be supportive of. I hope.

Anyway. Keem and I joined Weight Watchers. We started a week ago. I have returned from my meeting with fabulous news.

I lost 7 pounds. SEVEN! In one week! Woo-hoo!

As you can tell, I am somewhat excited about this.

Weight Watchers now has two programs that you can try - there is the flex points which I remember from the last time we went and the core plan. With flex points, you get a certain amount of points that you can use each day and all food has a points value. Once you have used all of your points, you're done eating for the day. This can really help you make a decision if you're really craving, oh, nachos with chicken (48 points. The maximum points you get per day is 34 (it's weight based) but you also get 35 bonus points for the week that you can use if you want) you may need to make a better choice. Or only eat half of it.

The core plan allows you to eat all the food you want, as long as it is certain foods. For example, I can have all of the chicken and vegetables I want. That's exciting, right? Yeah. Keem and I were on the core plan for this last week. Do you have any idea how boring chicken and vegetables get when you eat them every single day? Really, really, really boring. And I ended up cheating several times (damn Valentine's Day. The managers brought in a dessert buffet. I dare anyone to resist really good brownies. It can't be done (Unless you're Beth and Johnny who don't like chocolate)) but I'm actually okay with that - I cheated in moderation. Which sounds weird until you understand something about me.

See, I'm a binge eater. I have learned, throughout the years, to not eat when I'm depressed or bored or needy - only when I'm hungry. But, if I like the taste of something (and I often do because, hello, what would be the point of eating it if I didn't like it?), I will not stop eating whatever wonderful thing it is. Case in point, brownies. Last year, I probably ate about five or six. This is not healthy. I know it is not healthy. But, dagnabit, it was yummy. This year, I allowed myself one. Much better.

So Weight Watchers is a good choice to make. I know this. And there are a lot of good tasting foods that are one or two points only so if I do go on a binge, I'll have the points system to keep me in line (for example, root beer popsicles are only one point each. You can eat an entire box for six points. I know this because I've done it before. I'm not proud of it but it's a hell of a lot better than eating an entire box of fried chicken (been there, done that)).

This week we're going to use flex points. I think it's a better choice. Today we had a very delicious salad with chicken, bacon and romaine lettuce. I measured exactly 2 tablespoons of salad dressing and used the fork trick (learned the last time I went to WW. You get the dressing on the side and dip your fork into it and then spear the lettuce. It's the perfect way to get just enough dressing with each bite instead of clumps of dressing in some places and none in others). Ten points.

I know I can do this. I know Keem can do this. Wish us luck.

The truth shall set you free and also - please feed my ego

Thanks all for guessing on the lying meme I did - it was a lot of fun to see what you guys thought I would lie about.

And now, without further ado (crap, I just realized I used that exact phrase in the last post. I need to come up with other phrases, obviously), here are the answers and a bit more detail about the experiences:

1. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answers were: Writer, Gangster's Moll and Super Friend.

True! I was obsessed with the Super Friends and had a huge crush on Aquaman (He talks to fish. I'm a Pisces. Obviously we were meant for each other). This was before I realized that my true love was (and still is) Batman, especially when portrayed by Adam West. I'm not so sure why I wanted to be a Gangster's Moll but I think it had something to do with I love the music and fashion from the 1920's and the Molls were usually portrayed wearing polka dotted dresses. I like polka dotted dresses from the 20's. And we all know that I like bad boys but gangsters from the 20's were so much cooler than what we have today. They dressed in suits.

Isn't it nice to know that the only thing keeping me from becoming a hardened criminal is that I find gangsters today aren't fashionable enough? And that I don't look good in polka dots?

2. At the urging of a former boyfriend, I joined the Minnesota Naturists and participated in a swim event. The first time I met his sister was when she jumped out of the swimming pool, completely naked. I also watched nude volleyball. Although I wore a swimming suit, about halfway through the evening, I felt weird being the only one wearing clothes and finally went au naturel.

True! It was a very weird experience for me. I went there with my former boyfriend and his mother (which was weird enough, that he would be running around naked in front of his mother). When we first walked in the door, the people taking the money are clothed but then you walk into the next room (after entering the glass door completely covered with brown paper) and there are all these naked people walking around. Minnesota Naturists are clothing optional events so there was absolutely no pressure to take my clothes off. After awhile, I started becoming a little uncomfortable being one of two people still wearing clothes (former boyfriend's mother was also clothed) so I pulled my bathing suit down to my waist but I wasn't planning on going completely naked. Until I went to the bathroom and tried to get the wet bathing suit back on. That didn't work so well. I ended up walking back to the room naked.

It is very odd to realize that, if you are surrounded by naked people, you will feel completely out of place wearing clothing. And the really nice thing about this is that there wasn't any judgement or sideways glances or whispers about my weight. Every one there is treated like a person, not a potential sex partner. The Naturists were a great bunch of people and I enjoyed the evening. I think the funniest part was watching nude volleyball. Four men bouncing (literally) around a court. Hi-larious!

Johnny, for the record, I only went to the one event which was indoors. They did do a lot of outdoor functions, including canoeing (referred to as "canudeing") but it apparently difficult to find places that will allow people to be naked outdoors. And it would be insane during the winter.

3. I once met LaVyrle Spencer at Waldenbooks. When introduced to her, my mouth dropped open and I could not think of a single word to say to her, including how much I loved her writing. She laughed and hugged me. That was the best day I had working at the stupid Mall (which is pretty sad when you consider I worked there for ten years).

True! She was very nice. I usually found myself at Waldenbooks either on my lunch break or between my two jobs. I was trying to convince the manager to hire me but jobs there were filled up quickly and they didn't have a high turnover at all. Plus, and I'm sure you'll never believe this, but I love to read and can spend hours in a book store, just looking and touching books. I wrote a poem about what it was like for me once but I have no idea what I ever did with it.

Anyway, LaVyrle Spencer was talking to the manager and I overheard their conversation. It was about her newest book and she was describing the plot. From what I overheard, I thought they were talking about the movie "All I Want For Christmas" in which these children try to get their parents back together. LaVyrle (as I always think of her, don't know why) said "No, it's the plot of my newest book." The manager introduced me and that's where my mouth dropped open. I am sure I stood there like an idiot for a few minutes. So embarrassing.

I cringe to think what it would be like if I ever met Nora Roberts. I think that I wouldn't embarrass myself terribly with Mil Millington because I have exchanged emails with him and he also sent me a scene that had been cut from "A Certain Chemistry" (which I lost, damn it. The email, not the book). I am sure that if I ever met him, we would get along fine. And then I would embarrass myself when I started talking in an English accent which I seem to pick up whenever I read his books.

4. Many years ago, when I was younger and much more firm, I was dared to stand on a bridge over Highway 94 and flash my chest. I accepted the dare. I did not stop traffic, although there was one guy that pulled over and tried to get my phone number. I declined.

False. I was trying to come up with a good lie and Jodi suggested this. Sad, isn't it, that I couldn't think of anything myself?

5. I have had prophetic dreams come true, including one the day my uncle's body was found in which I knew he had died. I also dreamt that a guy in one of my classes would be in a car accident on the day of our choir concert. He would end up in the hospital in a coma and his cousin Robin would visit him there. The next day I asked him if he had a cousin named Robin and he didn't believe so. He wanted to know why I asked and I told him about the dream, asking him to not drive the day of the choir trip. Two weeks later, he tells me that his brakes went out on his car, the day before the concert. A week after that, he tells me that apparently he did have a cousin named Robin...two cousins named Robin, one born the night I had the dream.

True! There's nothing more interesting than having your entire class look at you as though you are a total freak when you tell someone they shouldn't drive their car. I don't remember my dreams that much anymore but there were a lot of times I found myself feeling complete deja vu and then remember that I dreamed about the situation.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of To Tell the Truth. I am looking forward to seeing if anyone else will do this.

Updated:

Hey! There's this thing that Beth and Teri and Johnny did. It's this box thing and you say stuff to describe me and you should probably click it and tell me stuff about myself because that would be cool. This is the link to my unique Johari thingamabob.

If you're the type of person who needs actual descriptions of what you're going to go and click on, please read what Beth had to say. Or actually what someone wrote and Beth copied.

"The Johari Window was invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingram in the 1950s as a model for mapping personality awareness. By describing yourself from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to describe you from the same list, a grid of overlap and the difference can be built up."

To tell the truth, I'm probably lying

Okay, Susan posted this meme that she found at Daring Young Mom's site. I have decided that I'm going to try it.

DYM posted five items about herself and asked you to discover which one was true. Susan posted five items about her husband and asked you to discover which one was a lie. They are both creative writers and their items are funny to read, I'd suggest you check them out if you have time.

Somehow I am going to come up with five items and have you guess what is a lie. This is going to be difficult because I tell you guys pretty much everything. And Beth, I'm thinking you probably know all of this so to play fair, you may not want to guess.

Okay, without further ado, here I go:

When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answers were: Writer, Gangster's Moll and Super Friend.

At the urging of a former boyfriend, I joined the Minnesota Naturists and participated in a swim event. The first time I met his sister was when she jumped out of the swimming pool, completely naked. I also watched nude volleyball. Although I wore a swimming suit, about halfway through the evening, I felt weird being the only one wearing clothes and finally went au naturel.

I once met LaVyrle Spencer at Waldenbooks. When introduced to her, my mouth dropped open and I could not think of a single word to say to her, including how much I loved her writing. She laughed and hugged me. That was the best day I had working at the stupid Mall (which is pretty sad when you consider I worked there for ten years).

Many years ago, when I was younger and much more firm, I was dared to stand on a bridge over Highway 94 and flash my chest. I accepted the dare. I did not stop traffic, although there was one guy that pulled over and tried to get my phone number. I declined.

I have had prophetic dreams come true, including one the day my uncle's body was found in which I knew he had died. I also dreamt that a guy in one of my classes would be in a car accident on the day of our choir concert. He would end up in the hospital in a coma and his cousin Robin would visit him there. The next day I asked him if he had a cousin named Robin and he didn't believe so. He wanted to know why I asked and I told him about the dream, asking him to not drive the day of the choir trip. Two weeks later, he tells me that his brakes went out on his car, the day before the concert. A week after that, he tells me that apparently he did have a cousin named Robin...two cousins named Robin, one born the night I had the dream.

Okay, which one of these is the lie? I'm not tagging anyone but I think it would be fun.

People say I'm obsessed

Is it sad that I decided to not apply for a job because I wouldn't be able to blog in between calls?

I mean, granted, it's only a lateral move (no increase in pay) and I'd have to remain in the position for an entire year which would mean I would not be able to apply for anything exciting if it came along but, when it comes down to it, the main reason is because I wouldn't be able to blog anymore. Except for lunch and breaks. And let's face it, that's just not enough time to catch up on my blog reading or posting.

Is there a 12 step program for blog addiction?

Greetings, Earthling...I mean Alien

So if you're stumbling onto my blog from Blog in Space, you might have some questions about me (I apologize to the seven or eight of you that already read my blog because you know most of this stuff).

Here are the basics.

1. My name is Dana Marie Vittum. If you know someone with that last name, they are related to me. Somehow.
2. I'm 38. I'm going to be 39 in (gasp) 26 days. I am less than thrilled about this.
3. I am very, very, very single. However, I have the distinct pleasure of being absolutely, totally, crazy in like with a comic book geek who may or may not have OCD. His name is James but he was previously referred to as Gil which stood for Guy I like and was also an homage to Gil Grissom from CSI:. I love a creative fake name.
4. Said comic book geek is not absolutely, totally, crazy in like with me. He is, however, aware of how I feel about him because I got incredibly drunk and decided to tell him this.
5. I also compared him to Batman. Adam West Batman. Because I am a complete and total dork and think that Adam West is hot. And Batman is the coolest super hero ever.
6. My profile picture was taken when I was completely sober. I am easy to amuse (It was, however, taken the night after the incredibly drunken blabbing my innermost thoughts to the entire bar (and oh, do they love to ask me when I'm going to drink again) so it is quite possible that I was still drunk. Probably not, since there are pictures of me wearing seven or eight birthday hats all over my face and another picture of me holding a squeeze ball to my nose and saying "Look! I'm a clown!" and there was no alcohol involved on either of these occasions).
7. You might be able to tell from the picture and the title of my blog that I like ducks.
8. You may be confused by my banner and wonder why there is a frog being hatched from a duck egg when I have said that I like ducks. For the record, Green Duckies are frogs. The reason why they are called Green Duckies is here.
9. I am the self-proclaimed Queen of the Universe.
10. My roommate, Keem, will tell you that she is the real Queen of the Universe but she is lying. She only says it to irritate me.
11. I am a tree hugger.
12. When I say that I am a tree hugger, I mean that I literally hug trees. Which irritates Keem but fills me with a sense of well being.
13. Keem and I have an odd relationship in which we seem to exist only to irritate each other. It's kind of fun.
14. No, we are not a lesbian couple (someone always asks). Not that there's anything wrong with that.
15. Considering I rarely ever watched Seinfeld, I know way too many quotes from that damn show. I blame Puddy. He's hot. I watched it for him.
16. I have a tendency to be somewhat random and can scare people if they try to follow my train of thought.
17. If I was a Star Trek character, it would be James T Kirk. My two best friends would be (decided after hours of discussion (okay, maybe 5 minutes) Spock (Beth) and Bones (Keem). However, my favorite Star Trek show is Star Trek: TNG.
18. I happen to enjoy William Shatner's singing. Shut up.
19. I love, love, love, love to read. I cannot get enough of reading. I was forbidden to read at the table as a child and it warped me, I think. I was probably the only child in the world who ever got yelled at for reading cereal boxes. And seriously, how often can you read monosodium glusomate without going a little insane?
20. I believe in aliens. Obviously.
21. I believe in vampires but not really. I don't know how to explain that. For example, I will use the phrase "But what if there are vampires?" any time I am asked to do something I don't want to do. Such as take the bus. Because you never know when those bus vampires are going to be roaming around in the middle of the day. Also, I am a big Buffy and Angel fan and enjoy some books written about vampires (MaryJanice Davidson is hilarious. You should read her now). However, do I think that guy who is running for govenor is actually a vampire? No. I think he is a great big freak and anyone who said anything bad about Jesse Ventura should take it back right now.
22. I believe that's about all the random facts about me that you can take for now. Plus, I'm getting kicked off the internet. More to come later.

Hmm. I'm afraid this is more accurate than I would like this to be.

Found this on Teri's site.

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

I sense your jealousy

So. I opened my gmail account today to find a lovely email from the folks at Blog In Space. You may or may not be aware of the fact that the whole premise behind this website is to send blogs into space with the express purpose of reaching aliens. For those who are wondering, I found out about this website when Beth found them and sent me the link. Knowing me as well as she does, she knew this was something right up my alley. Especially since my belief is that it is very conceited of us as a world to think that we are the only intelligent life in the universe. They are out there somewhere.

On February 14, 2006, I will be the blog with the coveted title of most likely to be contacted. It makes up for never placing in one of those stupid high school contests as most likely to succeed (the fact that I think the possibility of being contacted by aliens is much cooler kind of explains why I wasn't voted most likely to succeed, doesn't it? I'm just a giant dork).

When you take into consideration that this is happening on Valentine's Day, it is just the icing on the cake (or, to be more Valentiney, the caramely goodness in the filled chocolate). I'm sure that my future boyfriend, Zoltar, and I will be very happy together.