Another Music Meme

Found this on frog’s blog.

Using only the music of one of your favorite musical artists, answer these questions:

1. Are you male or female?: Good Girls Go to Heaven (Bad Girls Go Everywhere)
2. Describe yourself: What You See is What You Get
3. How do some people feel about you?: Bad Attitude
4. How do you feel about yourself?: All Revved Up With Nowhere to Go
5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest: More Than You Deserve
6. Where would you rather be?: The Promised Land
7. Describe what you want to be: Dead Ringer For Love
8. Describe how you live: Running For the Red Light
9. Describe how you love: Standing On the Outside
10. Share a few words of wisdom: Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad

The artist (if you can’t guess) is Meat Loaf. I like a lot of different musicians but I’ve been listening to him the longest so he won.

Happy anniversary (ies) to me

Monday, May 23rd, is my 1 year anniversary for blogging. Wow. One full year of regaling you all with the insanity that makes me me. That's pretty damn cool, if you ask me.

Tuesday, May 31st, is my 20 year anniversary of graduating from high school. Wow. 20 years since I left high school, planning on conquering the world of something or another (I think I wanted to teach English but who remembers that long ago?). That's pretty damn depressing, if you ask me.

No, I am not going to my 20th year reunion. I am not fabulously thin, married to Keanu Reeves (or Rowan Atkinson for that matter) and world-famous. Maybe the 25th year reunion.

Five questions (and answers) about me!

Thank you, Carol, for recognizing my desperate cry for something to blog about. I appreciate it. I accept your 5 questions willingly.

1. If your house was burning down but you had time enough to take just three items with you (even if they're huge, but assume animals and people are already safely out), what would the items be?

Thank you for adding the animals and people are safely out. That would have been a tough one to answer. Okay. Three items.

Well, thankfully, most of my scrapbooking stuff is at Beth’s but I would need to grab my Vegas scrapbook album. It contains the pictures of my sister’s wedding and I would be horrified if that was destroyed. I would toss it into my wheelie tote with the rest of my scrapbooking stuff.

I would also need to take Hippo. As much as I would miss Frug (a frog) and Kit (newest addition to the Jones family, a pink and black cat shaped pillow bought in Portugal), Hippo has been part of my sleeping routine for years and I don’t think he could be replaced easily.

My purse. It has my identification, my banking paraphanelia, my make-up bag (which even has toothpaste and deodorant), a week’s supply of Effexor (thankfully, I keep my main supply at work), my blogger notebook, my karaoke list, and whatever book I am reading (currently Mary Higgins Clark’s newest, No Place Like Home). That way, while I’m waiting for the fire trucks, I could read.

I am assuming that the insurance company would replace my CPAP machine, otherwise I would have to include that on the list and forget about the scrapbooking stuff.

2. Think of the color you hate most. If you found an outfit that fit you perfectly and was way affordable, would you still purchase it if it was your most hated color?

There really aren’t any colors that I hate. Except maybe chartreuse which is, if I remember correctly, a yellowish-green color. If the outfit fit AND looked good on me, then yeah, I probably would purchase it. If it doesn’t look good against my skin and hair color, then there’s no point in buying it.

3. Have you ever done something extra special for someone but they never appreciated it one bit? (no fair using bosses)

Actually, yes. Probably about six or seven years ago, I decided to move in with a “friend” because she was having financial difficulties. I was going to help her get out of debt (which is pretty funny, actually, I’m not the best with a budget). I’m pretty sure I’ve posted the story before, I’ll have to find it.

4. Has a tree ever hugged you back?

Not literally. The trees don’t wrap their branches around me or anything. But there is such a peace that comes over you when you embrace Nature through a tree. And hugging makes you happy! It's a proven fact! Since the trees don't run away from me, I'm going to keep hugging them.

5. You suddenly find yourself having to totally change careers. You can't work in anything that is bank- or numbers-related. What path do you choose to pursue?

Oh, that’s easy. First of all, I hate math. I am in banking because I love customer service. I could easily find work in a large corporation as an administrative assistance or secretary since I have excellent phone skills, type approximately 80 words per minute and have 10,000 keystrokes per hour on a 10 key pad. As long as I work with Microsoft Word and Excel, I’ll be happy.

But if I suddenly won a ton of money and didn't have to work anymore, I'd try to finish my stupid novel.

Yes, that is a pork head. This picture was taken at the grocery store in Portugal (where I was being Bond, Dana Bond with my handy digital camera).  

Stuff

Bored. Bored, bored, bored. I am bored.

It is very slow at work today. I can’t think of anything to write about. Even the Star Trek: TNG scripts are less than exciting today.

So here is a brief litany of complaints:

This weather is driving me crazy. It makes me sleepy and also is causing my joints to ache. So it is constantly snap, crackle, pop in my cubicle. Makes me wonder what it’s going to be like when I hit 50 or 60 if 38 is so miserable due to the rain.

My stupid cold is driving me nuts. I keep sneezing through the day and then, at night, when wearing my CPAP machine, I’m having difficulties sleeping. The mask fits right over my nose so the air shoots up my nostrils and then meets an inpentreble barrier. It’s very uncomfortable and I’m not getting enough sleep because of it.

My hair is driving me insane. I am trying to grow it long and it is in the in between stage. Right now it flops. That’s it. The problem is that my hair doesn’t like to grow long, it likes to grow out. It’s very frustrating. I want to chop it off but that would defeat the whole growing it out purpose. Sigh.

You know, for someone who doesn’t drive, I’ve used the phrase “is driving me” 3 times. Hmm. Perhaps it is my subconscious speaking to me and telling me to get my liscense.

Anyway, things aren’t that bad. I did finally break down and take my 4 horse pills this morning to cure my embarrassing condition. After a few minutes of utter nausea and dizziness, I feel better knowing that I am working to resolve the situation. Even though I am bitterly protesting having this condition.

I am really having a problem coming up with anything to write about today, though. I have been reading frog’s blog on and off and she asked her readers to ask her five questions that they would like answered. She also gave them the option of having her ask them five questions.

So, anyone up for the challenge? It could be fun.

Oh, and to make up for the complaints, I bring you an email from my boss and a meme (of course).

-----Original Message-----
From: Matt (the boss)
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 11:13 AM
To: DM
Subject: Welcome back

Welcome back to the Internet Over Users Club. We were starting to wonder if you would ever come back to us. This email is to show our appreciation for renewing your membership.

All joking aside, last week was pretty bad. I can usually stick up for you when you are only on during your breaks and before/after work. Monday was our busiest day on the phones and I'm worried because it was your busiest day on the internet. There were four and a half pages of sites on Monday and you were on the internet at least one time for every hour that day.

You Romulan's (not sure of the spelling) are always trying to push my buttons with this stuff. It just isn't logical in my opinion.

-----Original Message-----
From: DM
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 11:36 AM
To: Matt (the boss)
Subject: RE: Welcome back

Wait. Aren't Romulans evil? I would think I'm more of a Betazed/Human mix.

Okay, I agree with that. I was clicking on a site that gives proceeds every time you click a link. It's for charity. I was not actually looking at any of the pages, just clicking them. But I am not doing that anymore, I just do it at home. I figured that would probably look bad if I kept it up. Wish I would have thought of that before I did it though.

Mainly the most you'll see me doing now is reading the occasional blog and commenting during my breaks and lunch or reading Star Trek transcripts in between calls.

I am sorry about this.

-----Original Message-----
From: Matt (the boss)
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 11:42 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Welcome back

No worries. Like I said before, I can usually pick out more defined time frames, but this was the first report where you actually looked like you were on all day.

We work later on trying to find your Star Trek ethnicity. I'm sure that there has to be some kind of Star Trek personality test that can tell you what race you are. I mean they have Klingon Dictionarys for crying out loud.


-----Original Message-----
From: DM
Sent: Tuesday, May 17, 2005 11:43 AM
To: Matt (the boss)
Subject: RE: Welcome back

I'm a slacker. The sooner you know it the better.

You know I'm going to obsessively search the internet until I find the Star Trek personality test. Fortunately I'm on lunch right now.


And, of course, I found one. It’s based on the Myers/Briggs test but it is in Star Trek Lingo! How fun is that? It is super fun!

Here's the link.

Myers-Briggs would say that you are an ENFP (Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver). In Star Trek language, you share a basic personality configuration with James Kirk and Julian Bashir.
People like you are generally great problem-solvers. You're highly innovative, creative and unique. You're optimistic by nature, which may make others believe you're naive, but actually you're full of energy, very clever, and determined not to be stopped. You're outgoing, curious, and extremely playful. Others are sometimes taken aback by your enthusiasm, but it keeps you going after others have dropped.

You're deeply caring, sensitive and gentle, which, combined with your need to solve problems, may make you a little too eager to give others advice. You also process information very quickly, which may make others believe you're not listening to them. Before you share your feelings, you have to have time to process them.

You're adaptive and resourceful, but sometimes highly disorganized. You dream of having the perfect assistant. You respond best to people who encourage your unique viewpoints and insights, help you maintain harmony, and want to play and explore with you. You don't respond well when you're overwhelmed with details or when you're in a rigid situation.

Your primary goal in life is freedom to see possibilities, make connections, and be with a variety of people. Your reward is having spontaneous adventures.

Good careers for your type include being an advertising account executive, starship captain, career counselor, developer of educational software, actor, graphics designer, corporate team trainer, psychologist, inventor, medical pioneer, and child welfare counselor.

Is anyone really surprised that I am like Captain Kirk? Not me!

Proof that Johnny is always right

Both Johnny and Beth left the comment that Johnny is right when she said I was delightfully and refreshingly mad. I think I might have some proof regarding that.

Tree Hugger Alert!

I have mentioned before that Spring and Fall are my favorite times of year. This is because I am not overly fond of either cold or hot weather and temperatures in Minnesota during these seasons are anywhere from 55 to 75 degrees. I love this. I am usually even okay if it rains during this time because I normally like rain. If it is warm rain, which we have not been having lately. Instead we are being drenched with cold, wet rain that hates me and is driving its icy fingers into my soul.

However, there are some days when we pull out of the parking lot or are on the road and I am overwhelmed with all of the beauty that is Spring. My eyes are constantly drawn to the greenness and the flowering trees and the smell of the newly blooming lilacs. I watch birds fly through the sky or squirrels scamper through the trees (and try very hard to restrain from crying “Bird!” or “Squirrel!” since apparently that’s kind of distracting). My mouth falls open in awe, that’s the only way I can explain it.

Last week, Keem and I were driving what we refer to as the “scenic route” (we avoid 94W or 94E (depending on which way we are going) by taking Mounds Boulevard. We drive by Mounds Park (it may not actually be called Mounds Park. It may be Indian Mound Park) in which there are (you guessed it) Indian Burial Mounds. There are also lots and lots of trees. Keem and I had the following conversation.

DM: Keem! Keem! There is a tree.
Keem (K): Yes, Dana. That is a tree.
DM: Pull over.
K: Why?
DM: The tree wants me to hug it.
K: No. I am not pulling over.
DM: But Keem! The tree is sad and needs me to hug it.
K: The tree is not sad. It is a happy tree.

We drive a little further. I see another tree, one that is small and looks like it has just been planted recently.

DM: Keem! That tree is small! It needs to be hugged. Let me hug the tree.
K: No.
DM: But Keem! Hugging is good for the tree!
K: You are not hugging the tree, Dana.
DM: You never let me do anything fun. Why won’t you let me hug the tree?
K: You are a dork.

Today I said hello to a tree on my way to work. Keem thinks I'm weird. I don't understand why. It's not like I hugged the tree (although I was very tempted because it was beautiful and green and I think it was smiling at me in its tree-like way).

Trying to rationalize this

DeAnn did a post about JournalCon which is taking place in October. I am seriously trying to convince myself not to ask for the time off right now. There is no way I can justify going. I’m down to a whopping 5 days of vacation, I am broke and will be broke for awhile while I try to adjust to a lessened income (long story involving taxes and how I made a slight error in judgement and owed the IRS some money (don’t ask)) and still owe my sister money and she is broke because Eric broke his foot so he will not be working for awhile, I don’t drive and don’t fly very well so I would have to somehow convince Beth to go and I can hear her laughing as I type this.

And then I pulled up the sightseeing link at JournalCon’s website and scared my co-workers with my cries of “They have pandas! They have pandas!” Since JournalCon is taking place in San Diego, they mentioned that the San Diego Zoo is nearby. The San Diego Zoo has pandas. I HEART PANDAS! Even more than I love frogs.

Pandas, Beth! Pandas! Please can we go? Please? And we could maybe meet DeAnn because she might go. The money situation will resolve itself because I will marry someone very rich and indulgent in the next few months. I mean, yeah, my love life is non-existant but now that there are pandas, I am sure that I could just snap my fingers and men will be running to date me because of the Panda Glow I will be emitting.

Okay, that last sentenence was just weird. Please strike that from the record.

Punch Drunk

Last night there was karaoke. And it was good. I love karaoke. I have mentioned this before.

I now know I am completely over my slight obsession for Bobby because, when he provided me with my Diet Coke with slice of lime and there was only one slice of lime, I said “Hey! Only one slice of lime? Do you hate me now?” And he laughed and told me to grab more lime. Bobby is still Bobby and still has great hands but he’s also the father of a small not yet born child that will be here in possibly 10 weeks if I did the calculations correctly. Isn’t that cute? He and his girlfriend are having a little girl. Isn’t that sweet? Awwwwww!

Anyway, Beth and I were kind of giggly last night. It could have been from the Buffalo Wings. I will blame them. I was terribly stuffy last night and thought “Hey, Buffalo wings! That will clean up my sinuses!” And it did! Beth had one wing and her sinuses cleared up and she didn’t even have a stuffy nose! Behold the power of Buffalo wings! I had three or four wings and then had the remaining wings boxed up and I would occasionally sniff the box when my nose started getting stuffy again and it would kind of work. But then the Buffalo wings decided that they hated me and got their revenge in a most disgusting way and I was in the bathroom for awhile (which there will not be any detail about because I am not that kind of girl) and missed part of karaoke. It was sad.

I told Liz that, when Beth had sent the picture of the pork head to Bryan when we were in Portugal (which I am surprised to realize that I don’t think we posted this. What was I thinking?) that we giggled a little because we were so excited that we had her and Bryan’s email. And that we’re not just stalking Bryan, we’re stalking her as well.

And last night, Liz brought me a book! A book to read! One from her personal collection! And she gave us her phone number! And she took Beth and my phone number! So that set off giggles on the way home because Beth and I are so part of the cool crowd now! Barry automatically comes and sits with us now when he gets to karaoke. We don’t even have to ask. And we have more people that sit at our table automatically now! There is Amy and Angie and Katie (who brought in a copy of her wedding album last night so there was karaoke and a scrapbook. Nothing could top that!). Last night, we were Dean and James free, however, so that was sad. But we did survive because Nate was there and I threatened to lick him and offered to pay money to watch him and Big Wayne mud wrestle. Or maybe it was Jello. I don’t remember now.
It was New Song Sunday, which is always both fun and terrifying. It was hard for me to tell how I really did since I couldn’t breathe through my nose and breathing through your mouth and singing at the same time is really, really hard. Beth tried new songs and so did Bryan. He also sang Short People which was hilarious. And Nate tried Free Fallin’ by Tom Petty. Which was really good except he was having problems with the Free part and Beth and I were talking about it on the way back to my place and I started laughing like I was stoned (this is my stoned laugh: heeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheeheehee (which is really hard to demonstrate in a blog but believe me, it is funny to hear)).

Okay, I am tired and am going out to eat with Keem and Katie (not Katie from karaoke Katie but Katie from work) and possibly Jeff. So I must leave you now. While you wonder if a) could I use anymore exclamation points (of course!!) and b) could I be even bigger of a dork (of course!!).

Good night all. May your days be full of trees and squirrels and beauty everywhere you turn. And may you find something you love as much as I love karaoke! And PANDAS!

Quite possibly the best description of me. Ever.

Talked to Johnny this morning on Windows Messenger (which I love because how great is it that I can talk to someone who lives in Portugal without it costing a ton of money?) . Anyway, she told me this:


Johnny says:
you are delightfuly and refreshingly mad
Johnny says:
but still mad

I think she may be right.

A post about life and death and comedy

If you are not familiar with Johnny's writing (aka The Lioness), you will not be aware of the pain she has been going through for quite some time. Her best friend, Uzi Saghi, was killed in the tsunami. Because of Johnny's writing and Uzi's character, Uzi became extremely real for me and many others. If you are interested in finding out more of this wonderful, beautiful man with an amazing sense of humor, I would suggest clicking on this link here. It leads you to the archive that she set up for all of her posts about him.

Her latest post is about him and her pets and about Israel. It makes you laugh and cry at the same time. While I was reading it and laughing about the antics of her pets, I could almost feel Uzi laughing with me. Johnny's been surrounded by butterflies lately and we believe that they are sent from Uzi to remind her that he still around, even though she can't see him, he's still there.

I've always believed that those we love continue to stay around to watch over us. I believe in angels. I believe that dying doesn't mean you lose your sense of humor. And I have two experiences that I'm going to share with you.

High School

Back in 1984-1985, when I was going to school in Mahtomedi, there was a young man who was in my class. His name was Doug. He killed himself. This was a shock to the entire school since Mahtomedi was very small and this was the 80's and stuff like this just didn't happen, even though the year before another student had killed himself. It was a devastating time for all of us, including me. Even though Doug and I were not close at all, a part of me felt that I should have known what was going on, should have been able to stop him, should have been able to help him find help, since I was also suicidal at the time.

After he died, I remembered seeing him walk by me in the hallway shortly before he killed himself. I berated myself for not saying hello to him or stopping to talk to him or doing something. I suppose this is not uncommon for people after a death. I became even more depressed and blamed myself for everything that went wrong.

Two things changed this. On the day of Doug's funeral, we were allowed to take the day off and attend the funeral if we chose. My friends and I (Kathy and Sue) piled into Kathy's car after the funeral to go to the gravesite. Those of you from America know that when a funeral procession goes by, it is customary to have the lights on during the middle of the day and drive extremely slow. I'm not sure if this custom is observed in any other countries. Well, apparently, someone decided that he didn't care that we were on our way to a gravesite and decided to cut in front of the car two cars before us.

Well, you guessed it. Car A cut in front of Car B, Car B tried to slam on their brakes, Car C ended up rear-ending Car B. Car DM (oh, like I could resist it) managed to stop in time. There were no injuries. However, the accident took some time, checking to make sure everyone was okay, was there any damage, etc. By the time we got back into the car and started driving again, we realized something...we had lost the funeral procession.

The next 15-20 minutes was a comedy of errors. Trying to find the grave yard (because no one paid attention when they told us where it was), driving through Lakewood Cemetary, losing Car B and Car C because they went the opposite way of us, catching up with Car B, exchanging glances of "How many cemetaries are there in this area anyway?" while we drove around. At one point, I started giggling uncontrollably and said I knew this had something to do with Doug. If he was watching, and I was sure he was, he was probably either laughing or had been responsible for the whole mix-up in the first place. Kathy and Sue agreed and we had a moment of laughter, as opposed to a moment of silence. It was nice.

Finally, finally, we ran (not literally) into one of the motorcycle cops on his way back from the graveyard. He stopped when he saw us and waved his hand, motioning for us to follow him as he turned around and led us to the cemetary. Where we had to explain to our teachers that, no, we did not ditch out of the funeral procession, we had been involved in an accident.

The next thing that happened that helped me break through the depression and realize that there was nothing I could have done to prevent Doug's suicide was a dream I had one night. I dreamt that I was walking through the cemetary where Doug was buried and came across his grave stone. There he was, sitting on top of it. We had a conversation about how I wasn't responsible for his death, it was his choice and I should go on with my life and that suicide was definitely not the answer. I woke up, feeling refreshed for the first time in a long time. I think that dream is one of the reasons why I am still here. There have been times when the depression overwhelms and I seriously think life is too hard and it would be better if it was all over. And then I remember this dream and decide to carry on. Which, now that I've found Effexor, is something I'm really glad for.

Dad

I've posted about this before. Here is the link about my memories of my Dad from last Father's Day. But, if you don't want to go there, here is the part I wanted to bring up, quoted exactly from my post.

Dad died on April 10, 1994. Exactly one month shy of his 70th birthday. He was cremated and my brothers, sisters, and I visited the park where his parents were married to release his ashes. As we said our goodbyes to him, we each took a handful of ashes and tossed him into the wind. Suddenly, this wind changed direction and Dad’s ashes came flying back into our faces! For a brief few moments, all you heard was the “ptoo-ptoo” sound as we tried to get the taste of our father out of our mouths. Then one of us (not sure who) said, “Dad always had a good sense of humor.” Another one said “Yes and he’s kind of salty.” Well, what are you going to do but laugh?

I know he was there. I know he was laughing. He had a bizarre sense of humor that he passed on to me. Here are some examples of how he warped...I mean molded me.

Anyway, my point to all of this is that I do believe in Life After Death. I do believe in Heaven. I also believe in Reincarnation (don't ask. I can't reconcile it with being a Christian but I do). And I believe that there are ways that those we love reach out to us to say "Hey! I'm not gone. I'm still here. I still love you."

Uzi, I'll never forget you. I regret that I never met you in real life. But I'm really glad that I know you now. You're pretty damn cool.

Okay, Jeff wants the computer. I am off to find some sort of food and read for awhile.

BJTM Update

Remember when I did the first post about bringing Johnny to America in August and how I said that we had $3.59 towards Bringing Johnny To Minnesota? That was on May 5th.

Today is May 15th (really, really early in the morning because I can't sleep and am sick and am hoping to wear myself out so I can freakin' sleep already!). Ten days since we started this whole thing (well, 10 days since I first posted about it, I think). Do you know what you people have done? Do you?

I just checked the report for Adsense. We are at $34.72. In 10 days. We are making an average of 3.113. This is very exciting!

Also, Beth now has the ads up as well on her blog so go and click on them as well. You know what's really fun? Open up her blog on two or three seperate web pages and then go through her past archives and click the ads that show up for each one. I have probably clicked over 50 ads tonight (this morning? Oh, I don't know). I would click on mine as well but unfortunately that won't count. Darn. But! I can click from work obsessively on my breaks and lunch!

In unrelated BJTM news, Jeff, Keem and I watched National Treasure tonight (last night?). I enjoyed it. There was a cute bad guy and henchmen with accents and history (possibly made up but who cares) and Jeff entertained us with his lust for the guy that played Riley, Nicolas Cage's sidekick. Which I totally get because the guy was pretty cute. But I liked the bad guy better (like that's a shock (like Dylan Sanders (Drew Barrymore) in Charlie's Angels, I always think the bad guy is hot)), even though he was blond.

Ooh, that was a yawn! I think it's time for bed. Good night all.

Kill time when you can't sleep

This is weird. I'm not sure how it does it but it's pretty cool. Virtual 20 questions.

http://20q.net/

Hmm

Okay, should I be frightened that I could be a Satanist before I could be Jewish? I don't know about you but I think I will be just a tad worried.

You scored as Christianity. Your views are most similar to those of Christianity. Do more research on Christianity and possibly consider being baptized and accepting Jesus, if you aren't already Christian. Christianity is the second of the Abrahamic faiths; it follows Judaism and is followed by Islam. It differs in its belief of Jesus, as not a prophet nor historical figure, but as God in human form. The Holy Trinity is the concept that God takes three forms: the Father, the Son (Jesus), and the Holy Ghost (sometimes called Holy Spirit). Jesus taught the idea of instead of seeking revenge, one should love his or her neighbors and enemies. Christians believe that Jesus died on the cross to save humankind and forgive people's sins. Christianity 75% Buddhism 67% Islam 58% Satanism 42% Judaism 38% Paganism 33% agnosticism 29% Hinduism 21% atheism 13% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

I'm bored and don't feel good. So I bring you memes

You scored as Loner. Loner 63% Drama nerd 56% Punk/Rebel 50% Stoner 31% Geek 31% Goth 25% Prep/Jock/Cheerleader 6% Ghetto gangsta 6% What's Your High School Stereotype? created with QuizFarm.com

What's your world view?

I found this very interesting. It is accurate. Surprisingly so. Found this at Bitch Ph.D who I found through flea.

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. Cultural Creative 69% Romanticist 56% Existentialist 44% Modernist 44% Postmodernist 44% Materialist 31% Idealist 25% Fundamentalist 25% What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com

Another meme.

Beth posted this meme that she found on a site, thedailymeme.com about movies. She also added to the end of it.

The first part is the movies listed on IMDB as the top 100 movies up through May 2004. All the movies I have seen are in bold.

1. Godfather, The (1972)
2. Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)
3. Godfather: Part II, The (1974)
4. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003)
5. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
6. Schindler's List (1993)
7. Shichinin no samurai (1954)
8. Casablanca (1942)
9. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001)
10. Star Wars (1977)
11. Citizen Kane (1941)
12. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)
13. Dr. Strangelove (1964)
14. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
15. Rear Window (1954)
16. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
17. Pulp Fiction (1994)
18. Usual Suspects, The (1995)
19. Memento (2000)
20. North by Northwest (1959)
21. 12 Angry Men (1957)
22. Buono, il brutto, il cattivo, Il (1966)
23. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
24. Psycho (1960)
25. Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain, Le (2001)
26. Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)
27. It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
28. Goodfellas (1990)
29. American Beauty (1999)
30. Sunset Blvd. (1950)
31. Vertigo (1958)
32. Matrix, The (1999)
33. Cidade de Deus (2002)
34. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
35. C'era una volta il West (1968)
36. Apocalypse Now (1979)
37. Pianist, The (2002)
38. Third Man, The (1949)
39. Paths of Glory (1957)
40. Taxi Driver (1976)
41. Fight Club (1999)
42. Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001)
43. Some Like It Hot (1959)
44. Double Indemnity (1944)
45. Boot, Das (1981)
46. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
47. Singin' in the Rain (1952)
48. Chinatown (1974)
49. L.A. Confidential (1997)
50. Maltese Falcon, The (1941)
51. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
52. All About Eve (1950)
53. M (1931)
54. Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957)
55. Se7en (1995)
56. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
57. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
58. Rashômon (1950)
59. Raging Bull (1980)
60. Wizard of Oz, The (1939)
61. Alien (1979)
62. American History X (1998)
63. Sting, The (1973)
64. Léon (1994)
65. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
66. Manchurian Candidate, The (1962)
67. Vita è bella, La (1997)
68. Touch of Evil (1958)
69. Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948)
70. Finding Nemo (2003)
71. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
72. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
73. Great Escape, The (1963)
74. Modern Times (1936)
75. Clockwork Orange, A (1971)
76. Amadeus (1984)
77. On the Waterfront (1954)
78. Ran (1985)
79. Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
80. Annie Hall (1977)
81. Wo hu cang long (2000)
82. Jaws (1975)
83. Apartment, The (1960)
84. Braveheart (1995)
85. High Noon (1952)
86. Aliens (1986)
87. Fargo (1996)
88. Strangers on a Train (1951)
89. Shining, The (1980)
90. Metropolis (1927)
91. Blade Runner (1982)
92. Sixth Sense, The (1999)
93. City Lights (1931)
94. Donnie Darko (2001)
95. Duck Soup (1933)
96. Great Dictator, The (1940)
97. General, The (1927)
98. Sjunde inseglet, Det (1957)
99. Princess Bride, The (1987)
100. Dogville (2003)

I've seen 29 of the movies that IMDB lists as the Top 100. Here’s what I want to know – how come the stupid Star War movies are on here and there isn’t a single Star Trek movie? Hmm? What the heck is that? Stupid George Lucas.

Beth added the following, by picking her Top 50 Favorite Movies. As she put it in her own words “These may not all be the classics or fit every taste; they are the movies that I either felt left an impression on me (like Schindler's List, would I want to watch it every day? No. But did I think really hard during and after the movie? Yes. Do I feel like it was worth the emotions? Yes.) Or just made me feel good and I could watch over and over again. Sometimes the movies on my list are just ones that I felt pushed the boundaries of the silver screen. I do not, unfortunately, have enough energy to link to all the movies. If you want to know more about them, ask in the comments or check them out on IMDB. If you have a question about why I picked a certain movie, ask me. I don't mind.”

I, however, don’t care if they had a great meaning or pushed boundaries. These are just my favorite movies, ones that I can watch over and over. Which is weird that Hitchhiker’s is on here since I’ve only seen it once. But I just know I will see it a lot. They are not in any particular order.

1. The Imposters
2. So I Married An Axe Murderer
3. Torch Song Trilogy
4. About a Boy
5. The Ref
6. Operation Petticoat
7. The Dirty Dozen
8. With Six, You Get Eggroll
9. Yours, Mine and Ours
10. Singin’ In The Rain
11. Independence Day
12. The Princess Bride
13. Love, Actually
14. In & Out
15. O Brother, Where Art Thou?
16. Sleeping Beauty
17. Gentlemen Prefer Blondes
18. Midnight Lace
19. Hitch
20. Johnny English
21. Big Trouble
22. Undercover Blues (mainly because of Stanley Tucci)
23. My Cousin Vinny
24. Chocolat
25. Never Been Kissed
26. Married to the Mob
27. A Time to Kill (also my favorite novel by John Grisham)
28. Dangerous Beauty
29. The Truman Show
30. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe
31. Enemy of the State
32. I, Robot (did I mention I have a thing for Will Smith?)
33. The Italian Job (the remake)
34. Ocean’s 11 (remake)
35. Ella Enchanted
36. Bend It Like Beckham
37. Pirates of the Caribbean
38. Star Trek: Generations
39. Phenomenon
40. Conspiracy Theory
41. The Mummy
42. The Mummy Returns
43. The Rundown
44. Get Shorty
45. Die Hard
46. True Lies
47. The 5th Element
48. The Rock
49. Con Air
50. Bandits

If you haven’t guessed, I like comedy and action movies. In fact, I often judge how good a movie is by how many car chases or explosions there are.
Are any of my favorites on your list?

8 Mile? Try 8 Years!

Okay, I’m going to tell you something that you may not want to know. But, as we know, I am really open about my life* and only want to bring joy and laughter to your dreary days. This is my job as your Queen of the Universe. This following story will make you laugh. I promise. You wouldn’t think this would be funny but, unfortunately, it is.

*Except about my last name. My last name is not really Jones. But I am not quite ready to come out of the secret identity closet.

Anyway, you remember how I said I had gone to the doctor? So I come home on Wednesday and realize that there is a message for me. I play it and listen to my doctor tell me that she would like me to call her.

Hmm. Something tells me there might be a problem since, if your test results come back normal, you usually get something in the mail. It’s only when they want you to call them that there’s something to be concerned about.

On Thursday (yesterday), I call her. She is not available and I leave a message. She calls back while I am on the phone with a stock holder and leaves a message.

Deb: Hi. This is Deb. Please call me back as soon as possible. If I am with a patient, have me interrupted. I need to give you the results of your test.

Hmm. Again. Slight panic sets in. It is not good when the doctor says “If I am with a patient, have me interrupted.”

I call. I am placed on hold. A few minutes go by in which I decide to start biting my nails again (and I had been doing so well) since I’m a bit nervous.

This is our conversation:

Deb: Hi, Dana.
DM: Hi.
Deb: I got the results of your pap smear.

Let’s pause for a moment. At this point in time, I am freaked out. The last time I had a pap smear, over 2 years ago, it came back abnormal. This was during what I affectionately refer to as The Cancer Scare, Act Two. Act One was when, during the same physical that resulted in the abnormal pap smear, I heard Deb say “I found a lump.” So, having Deb say “I got the results of your pap smear” is a little frightening.

DM: Okay.
Deb: You have trichomonas. It’s a sexually transmitted disease.
DM: What?
Deb: It’s a sexually transmitted disease.
DM: I heard you! How? How is this even possible?
Deb: I don’t know.

Those of you who may not have read my blog very much may not be aware of the fact that I have been celibate for many years. Both my doctor and I are aware of this, however, so that’s why she said she didn’t know. Normally she would probably have said “It’s a sexually transmitted disease. That would mean it was transmitted by sex.”

Deb: I had to meet with my partners yesterday before I called you and asked them how it was possible that a woman who had not had sex for a long time…
DM (interrupting, a bit panicked): Eight years! Eight!
Deb: …Could have an STD. Apparently, this is very rare but there are cases of women in their 90’s getting this 20 years after their husbands died. It can take awhile to incubate.
DM (laughing hysterically): Well, I guess so. Eight years! Of course, there was the virgin birth.* Is it treatable?
Deb: Yes. Of course. You just take some antibiotics.
DM: Oh. Okay.

*Apparently God liked Mary better than me. She gets to carry his child. I get an STD. Gee, thanks, God. You shouldn’t have.

We spend the next few minutes talking about some other things, such as that I still have a mild case of anemia and then say goodbye.

I spend the rest of the day, shaking my head in disbelief and randomly saying “Eight! Eight years!”

Last night, Beth and I decided to go to karaoke. This is the first time that we’ve been able to go to karaoke on a night other than Sunday so it was very exciting (even though I am kicking myself this morning. Well, I would be kicking myself, if I wasn’t so damn tired). She had been having kind of a rough day so I told her my news in an attempt to cheer her up. It worked. She did laugh. Very hard. So did Bryan and Michael, when I told them.

This is my life, folks. Go ahead. Laugh. You know you want to. It is hard not to laugh over this and I guess I would rather laugh than cry. Because, honestly, the fact that I got an STD when I haven’t had sex in EIGHT YEARS could be extremely depressing, if it wasn’t so damn funny.*

*Or, as I told Johnny in an email yesterday, eight fucking years. Oh, wait, no, sorry. Eight NON fucking years!

Oh, heck. Cats are our friends.

Keem sent me an email with this link. It's very cute. Unless you don't like cats. And then you don't have to click on it but I will be very sad and cry and pout and you will be sorry.

Well, you probably won't be but could you just click on it anyway? That will make me happy! A happy DM is a happy Queen of the Universe and that's got to be in your favor.

http://www.bassfiles.net/cleanscreen.swf target=_blank

9 Layers of Me (because I'm an onion, apparently)

Found because of Beth

9 Layers of Me… (With appropriate links when I remember a post I've written about the relevant topic)

Layer One:

Name: Dana Marie Jones
Birth date: March 11, 1967
Birthplace: Mahtomedi, Minnesota
Current Location: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Um…this month it is supposed to be pomegranate, it is probably more of a burgundy
Height: 5 foot 4 inches (once it was 5’4” and ¾ of an inch but I shrunk)
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Pisces. I am wimp. Hear me roar.

Layer Two:

Heritage: Half French, Quarter German (or vice versa), 1/8 Dutch, English, etc. According to my Dad, I was also part black, part Polish and part jackass on my Mother’s side. Turns out he lied.
Shoes Worn Today: black sandals
Weaknesses: Books. I cannot resist them.
Fears: Heights, spiral staircases, elevators, vampires.
The Perfect Pizza: Sausage, Pepperoni, Black Olives, Green Olives, Extra Cheese. Thin crust, white sauce (garlic, butter and olive oil).
Desired Goal: I would say to be happy but I am happy now. I would say rich but money doesn’t buy happiness. I don’t think I really have a desired goal. I just want to live my life on my own terms.

Layer Three:

Most Overused Phrases: Okay. I’m sure Beth and Keem could come up with a few more for me but this is all I can think of.*

*Actually it was Johnny. How did I forget this? "That's just wrong!" I use that one a lot. Different variations. I also use "But Keem!" a lot.

First Waking Thoughts: “Why am I awake? Why? Who invented this stupid morning thing anyway?”
Best Physical Feature: I like my hair, usually. It’s very thick and holds color well. However, it hates me and does not allow me to style it. I also like my eyes, even though they are brown and boring.
Most Missed Memory: Um, isn’t the point to memories the fact that you remember them? If I missed the memory, it wouldn’t be a memory anymore.

Layer Four:

Pepsi or Coke: Diet Coke, preferably with a slice of lime.
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonald’s fries, Burger King’s hamburgers.
Single or Group Dates: Date? What’s that?
Adidas or Nike: I don’t like shoes. If it was up to me, we would all be barefoot. Hmm, another thing for me to enforce when I become president.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I guess I like Lipton Diet with Lemon the best. But I’d rather have hot tea. Preferably something spicy with milk and sugar.
Chocolate or Vanilla: I hate this question. Is this supposed to be ice cream? It never says. If it is ice cream, I have to say vanilla because I don’t like chocolate ice cream. But if it is just the flavor, then chocolate always wins.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Double Dutch Chocolate Cappuccino from Holiday with 5 shots of caramel and hazelnut creamer. Yum.

Layer Five:

Cuss: Swear? Me? Never. Please. The only word I won’t use is the G dammit word. However, I prefer to use words like gosh darnit and dagnabit because they are more fun.
Sing: Yes. At karaoke, in the car, in my room listening to iTunes, sometimes in the shower. Whenever I can.
Shower Everyday: Pretty much. Unless I am sick or running late.
Ever Been in Love: No. I have been in Like and in Lust and in Infatuation but I have never been in love.
Want to Go to College: Yes. I kind of miss it. But NABABNA will only pay for it if I take business classes and I could care less about business. I want to take Writing classes. Do not suggest Business Writing.
Liked High School: Not so much at the time. I do kind of miss it though. Mainly because I miss my English classes and being in the Drama Club.
Want to Get Married: I want to get married. I just don’t want to live with anyone. Unless he is rich and can afford to have a staff because I hate to cook and clean.
Believe in Self: Now I do. It’s amazing what getting rid of negative friends and surrounding yourself with positive people will do for you. And the Effexor helps a lot.
Get Motion Sickness: Yes. Unless I read (which is weird, I know) or fall asleep.
Think Yourself Attractive: Yes and no. I am not overly fond of my body but I do think I can be cute at times.
Think You’re a Health Nut: Uh, no.
Get Along with Parent(s): Well, I get along a lot better with my mother now that we don’t live in the same state. It’s hard to argue with my father since he’s dead. He won’t argue back.
Like Thunderstorms: Love them. Lightning is cool.
Play an Instrument: Kind of. Used to play the clarinet and the piano. I can still read music (barely) and could probably pick out a song on the piano now.

Layer Six:

In the Past Month…

Drank Alcohol: Yes. I In Lisbon, I had a Pina Colada and really horrible wine at a Seder.
Done a Drug: Nicotine. Effexor.
Made Out: Ooh! Ooh! I kissed a guy! Does that count? All I had to do was give him an empty beer bottle. He has nice lips.
Gone on a Date: Allow me to dissolve into laughter.
Visited the Mall: Yes, I was with Beth when she was power shopping.
Eaten an Entire Box of Oreos?: No.
Eaten Sushi: Eww. No.
Been on Stage: Yes. Every Sunday at karaoke.
Been Dumped: See the answer to the gone on a date question. One nice thing about being extremely single is that you don’t get dumped.
Gone Skating: Do people skate anymore? I haven’t skated since the 80’s.
Made Homemade Cookies: No.
Dyed your Hair: Yes. Last weekend.
Stolen Anything: Yes. A cloth on the train to Évora so I could scrapbook it. I am a hardened criminal.

Layer Seven:

Ever…

Played a Game that Required the Removal of Clothing: Yes. I played Strip Magic. I am so ashamed.
If So, Was it Mixed Company: Yes.
Been Trashed or Extremely Intoxicated: Yes.
Been Caught "Doing Something": Gee, I wonder what you could mean by “Doing Something?” How old is the author of this meme? Anyway, the answer is yes but only because someone walked into my room by mistake.
Been Called a Tease: No.
Gotten Beaten Up: No.
Shoplifted: Yes. Not proud of it.
Changed Who You Were to Fit In: Yes. When I used to date, I would change into what I thought the guy wanted so I could hold on to them. This person I thought they wanted was the exact opposite of me and clingy. I turned into the type of woman I hate. Took me a long time to realize I don’t need to be with a guy to justify my existence.

Layer Eight:

Age You Hope to be Married: Um, 42. Only because I watched recently watched The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (objective review here).
Numbers and Names of Children: I am not having children. Wait, let me rephrase that. I am not giving birth to children. I may adopt someday, a nice teenager or two. If, on the off chance that they hate their names and want to change them to something I want, I would choose the name True Frances for a girl and Matthew Eugene for a boy. Of course, there is always Dmitri Aloyious…
How Do You Want to Die: Die? Mwahahahaha! I shall live forever! Haven’t you been paying attention? I am the Queen of the Universe! Okay, in my sleep, when I’m 105, surrounded by my harem of younger men in their 50’s.
Where You Want to Go to College: The School of Hard Knocks. I don’t know. Somewhere that has a good writing program. A good Fiction writing program.
What Do You Want to Be When You Grow Up: I want to travel the world with Beth and take pictures and write fascinating guide books and novels.
What Country Would You Most Like to Visit: London.

I kid, I kid. I want to go to England. I will, however, be going to Italy in 2007.

Layer Nine:

Number of Drugs Taken Illegally: Five. I think.
Number of People I Could Trust with My Life: Five.
Number of CDs I Own: No clue. They’re all on iTunes so I don’t have to worry about this stuff anymore.
Number of Piercings: Five. My ears are double pierced. You get to guess where the fifth one is.
Number of Tattoos: Three. I want more.
Number of Times My Name Has Appeared in the Newspaper?: Outside of High School, I don’t think it has.
Number of Scars on My Body: Too many to count, most of them on my hands. I do have some chicken pox scars on my stomach.
Number of Things in My Past that I Regret: Losing my virginity. If I was to go back and repeat things, knowing what I know now, I would probably still be a virgin. I also regret letting my weight get out of control and allowing people to control me in the past under the guise of friendship.

Neglect

It has dawned on me that I have neglected to give my objective review to the most recent movies that I have seen.

I know how much you look forward to these reviews, dear internet, so here goes:

Movie Number One:

Kingpin – Apparently, my taste has been considered questionable by both Johnny and Beth. Something to do with the fact that I liked the Porky’s trilogy so, according to them, I can not be trusted when it comes to reviewing a movie. To which I say “Bah.” Anyway, yes, there are some funny parts. But not many and I know the only reason Beth likes this movie is because it’s about bowling.

Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events – This was playing on our way back from Portugal, the Amsterdam to America leg. I had wanted to see this movie, especially after reading the first 3 books of the series (I would love to read the rest of them but they are pretty expensive, $10 a book, if not more). I also usually enjoy Jim Carrey movies. I was really surprised when Beth decided to watch the movie with me because she cannot stand Jim Carrey (although she did enjoy The Majestic). I really enjoyed this movie. I thought it was very similar to the books, the children were portrayed very well and Jim Carrey was excellent as Count Olaf. I love it when he plays over the top characters (Liar Liar springs to mind). Beth and I do not have the same taste in movies at all but she did appear to not hate this movie.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – I have been looking forward to this movie forever. I loved the books and always felt that Douglas Adams and I would have been kindred spirits, especially after I found out he once climbed a mountain dressed as a rhinoceros. Because that is so something I would do (Okay, except for climbing a mountain (Or dressing like a rhinoceros (because I like hippos better))). Imagine my surprise and delight to find out that we shared a birthday.

Beth and I were invited to go see this movie by Char and Tom shortly after we came back from Portugal (I would put a link for Char since she owes me a blog but she has not yet seen fit to start one. The slacker). Needless to say, I loved this movie. No, I adored it. One of the best parts was realizing that Arthur Dent’s character was being played by Martin Freeman, who had also appeared in Love Actually (a movie Beth, Keem and I all adore). He was fantastic. I could not imagine a better Arthur. Alan Rickman was Marvin’s voice. I love Alan Rickman with a fervent passion which grows each time I see him play Snape so I was pleased to have him in the movie as well, even if it was only as a voice. He was also in Love Actually. A third Love Actually cast member also cast in Hitchhiker was Bill Nighy, playing Slartibartfast. Each person did wonderful and it was great seeing them reunited.

Beth and I kept turning and grinning at each every few minutes. Whenever a Love Actually cast member was revealed, when Sam Rockwell did something particularly funny (Or sexy, which is difficult for a man with two heads), when we saw the Christo Rei in the film after just seeing it (from a distance) in Portugal a few days ago and when there were sheep (hello, we aren’t called the Sheepsheadian for nothing).

I really enjoyed this movie. I would recommend that you go and see it. I have talked to people that never read the books and they had no problem following the plot. Seeing this movie made me want to read the books again. And then go back and see the movie again.

Oh, there was a moment when I did tear up (and was laughed at, I might add). At the very end, there is a black screen and then the words “For Douglas” show up. I also was sad realizing that Uzi would never see this movie and then I thought that maybe he and Douglas are watching it together in Heaven. From what Johnny has told me about Uzi, I think he and Douglas would have been fast friends.

Go see this movie. Go see it tonight. Buy the DVD when it comes out. Read the books. Rejoice in the craziness that is Douglas Adams. The answer is 42.

Sahara – This was great! I have never read the Clive Cussler books so I have no idea how this movie compares to the books but I don’t care. I thought Sahara was a lot of fun. It had a fairly decent plot, a good looking leading man (Matthew McConaughey as Dirk Pitt (which is the dumbest name for a hero ever)), a good looking evil dude (Lambert Wilson, you may recognize him as Merovingian (the French man) from The Matrix Reloaded and Matrix Revolutions) and a great comic character (Steve Zahn. I love Steve Zahn).

If you’re looking for a good action adventure, I would recommend Sahara.

Okay, hopefully this post will change my Google Adsense links to something else besides ducks. Don’t get me wrong, I love ducks, but a change would be nice!

It's Up And Running

I am pleased to announce the grand opening of Cafe Press's newest store - The Johnny Fund.

Right now, the only thing we have is the cheesiest magnet ever. I'm serious. It's so pathetic. I am having the worst time trying to get the images to work and then Cafe Press limits the amount of the same type of product you can show (1 magnet per free store (Argh!)). I just might do multiple stores for different magnets (if I can get the stupid images to work! I am extremely frustrated. I could make better magnets at home by printing stuff off the computer).

Anyway, the base price for the magnet is $1.25. I set the price at $2.00, that would mean a whopping $0.75 profit that goes directly to bringing Johnny to Minnesota. I figured anything more would be way too much. I'm not even sure about the $2.00. I am still working with trying to get pictures from our trip to Portugal but, as I said, Cafe Press and I are having issues with what they will accept as an image. Apparently the images I do have do not fit so I'm working hard on getting this ready. Sigh. A Bloody Mad Anglo's work is never done.

Beth now has google adsense on her blog as well. So go on and click over there as well. As I was having the conversation with Johnny yesterday, she said she wouldn't be able to come over this year because she doesn't have the money to do it. I would really, really like to prove her wrong.

And hey, we're almost at $25 now! This is amazing. This all happened in a little over a week.

Behold - the power of our love for Johnny. Told you it was cheesy.

Okay, I'm kind of bored

I'm waiting for pictures to load onto www.flickr.com. They are being stubborn and taking a long time.

However, to release me from my boredom, I did have a lovely chat with Johnny. I also took this extremely odd quiz. But you know, mud sculpture? I could see it.

And somebody found my blog through the google search "Green duckies turn me on." I'm both frightened and intrigued by this.

When inspired, you can get enough ideas running through your head to keep you busy for hours. Your hobbies are sometimes a little different from other people's because you can't express yourself in the same ways everyone else does.

Our Potentially Ridiculous Hobby Suggestion For You: Mud sculpture Get some dirt and some water and make small creatures out of mud. It's fun for all the kids.

Your scores: Creative 22.89 Resourceful 19.86 Serious 18.3 Focused 16.89 Motivated 13.17

She's going to kill us

Johnny, remember that we love you. Okay? We do this out of love. Love, love, love, love, love!

We. Heart. You.

Because we love you, we are seriously serious about you coming to Minnesota in August. So serious that, last night at karaoke, Beth and I had a brilliant, brilliant idea. Why not make magnets and sell them in a blatant attempt to drive you crazy and get you to come to Minnesota?

And, as Beth said, when I told her that you were going to exact a horrible revenge, “Well, she’ll have to come to Minnesota to kill us.” So, let me put this as tactfully as possible…

Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!

So, what I ask of you, those of you that love Johnny, would you be interested in purchasing magnets from Beth and my trip to Portugal (unfortunately, no pictures of Johnny would be included in the offer (really don’t want her to kill us))? I’m trying to set up a shop on Café Press but right now it hates my images (I'll have to work on this at home). All profits to benefit the Johnny Fund, of course.

Oh, and guys, just so you know, we’re up to $22 from the Google Adsense program. That's almost 15 dollars in 3 days. Wow.

Johnny, do you see how people love you? Do you?

Oh, and just for the record, last night I had my first kiss in 7? 8? years (This is not counting Matt at the party. He's family). All I had to do is turn in an empty beer bottle to one of the bar backs. Gosh, my romantic life is great. Don't you wish you were me?

Just because

Found this on frog's blog.

Happy Mother's Day

Here's something I want to make perfectly clear. I do not want children. I have never wanted children (other than the occasional aw moment when I see an adorable baby and my brain melts). I'm not even overly fond of children (except, of course, for my nephew, Josh, who is the most wonderful child in the world). I do, however, for some odd reason, like teenagers and have thought about adopting one if I ever get my finances in order (this will not be for sometime, if ever).

I have a great respect for parents. I don't get how you do it. How you manage to get through the day without going nuts is beyond me.

Anyway, today being mother's day, I just wanted to say thanks to some of the mothers I know.

First off, we have mom. Carol Jones (yes, Jones is my fake name for the family. Haven't come out of the internet closet yet) raised both my sister Kari and I by herself after she divorced my father when I was 13. Single mothers were not common in my home town and I know it was tough for her. Especially since I became the daughter from hell. Mood swings and drug use does not the sweetest child make. It took awhile but I have realized what a wonderful person my mom is. We don't always see eye to eye but I appreciate her for all the sacrifices she made and think she is wonderful. I made a tribute patch for her yesterday on American Greetings. Here is the link to the site.

There is my sister, Kari. My nephew Josh is a wonderful, joyful child of 18 months (I think. I am very bad at calculating months. He was born in October. You figure it out). Kari and Eric are wonderful parents and I love watching them with Josh. As the proud aunt (and owner of this blog), I now bring you pictures of my nephew. Enjoy.

I love this picture. Isn't it great? I had planned on putting these pictures in the post but blogger is being stubborn. Or I'm doing something wrong. In this picture, Josh stares pensively outside. Apparently one of his favorite pasttimes is to run outside with a glass of water and pour said water on the ground. Which is weird so proof that he is my nephew. I'm not sure about this picture but it's cute. Josh looks so much like his dad.

I also want to wish Suz and Nan, my older sisters, a happy Mother's Day as well. Thanks for reading and I love you. Suz, we will have to get together one of these days and I did not know you lived that close to me. Applebees would be a great plan...once I get paid again. Kind of broke right now.

Anyway, I'm going to go read a few more blogs and then maybe go back to bed. I was sick all day yesterday and am still feeling some residual effects. Gosh, it would be nice if my mom would bring me some chicken soup...of course, with her living in Arizona, that might be a bit difficult.

She thinks I might be serious

Thank you to those of you that have clicked on the google adsense buttons. I've seen a few comments left by those wondering how to help bring Johnny to America in August. Allow me to assist you.

In my sidebar (to the right), you will see a narrow list of things - First you will see my profile where I ramble on about extremely witty things, because that's the type of person I am. There is my email address, greenduckiesgirl@gmail.com. There are my categories, in which there are links to things I've written in the past that are ever so brilliant and witty. Then you will see my blog rolling list, in which I have found people who say extremely witty things and linked to them. If I check out your website and you are extremely witty as well, you will probably end up there. Consider yourself warned.

Right under that is the google adsense ads. Here's how it works. There will be a link to a website. Click on that link. It will bring you to the website (which, hey, all you have to do is hit the back button on your browser and you're back to my site, filled with wittiness). My understanding is that you can click all 4 links and they do change throughout the day so feel free to come back and click some more. And tell your friends!

As for Johnny, who left the comment saying she thought I might be serious, um, yeah. Of course I am. You refused to even consider the idea of either Beth or I helping pay for a ticket to bring you here. We discussed the best time for you to come visit and you were excited about the thought of the State Fair because of all the cows and pigs (since you are insane) instead of the normal reason to get excited about the State Fair for all of the exciting foods on sticks.

So you are coming to Minnesota. Even if I have to go and drag you out here. And think of it this way, it doesn't cost anything for us to click. And you might find an exciting product (is it wrong that I want to buy the sailor rubber duck?) or two. This is fun and free! What more could you ask for?

Oh, thanks guys, we're up to $7.53. We doubled our amount in one day. You people rock AND roll.

I decide to pursue a career in photography

Ha-ha! No, seriously, I am trying to get better at photography. I still have a problem moving when I take a picture. I think I need a tripod. Or need to learn how to stand still for 30 seconds.

Anyway, Beth posted this awhile ago and I was fascinated with it so I just went through her archives (3 months) before it dawned on me that "Hey, she has categories. I bet it's there." And it was and all was good.

Here's the post that Beth did. She is a much more talented photographer than I am and fascinates me with the detail she can get with her camera. She also has a better camera than I do. I told her that if she decided to give up banking, she could probably do really good travelling the world and getting pics for postcards. Or, for that matter, writing a guide book.

I would have to come along though, because I catch things that she misses. She captures beauty, I capture the bizarre (the supermanos sign I saw that amused me (I know it doesn't mean a store where you can find a bunch of supermen but that's what I pretended. And I have the perfect paper to scrapbook it on)) and I also have absolutely no qualms about taking pictures of strangers while pretending I'm focusing on something in the distance. Hot guy at the train station taking his coat off? Got him. Beggar sitting on the church steps in Evora? Got her. Small children sniffing rocks? Got them.

Plus, what guide book would be complete without a multitude of bird pictures? I like birds. You can tell this because, usually, when I see a bird, I will say, loudly, "Bird!" I also say this when I see squirrels. There are not any squirrels in Portugal. At least I didn't see them. I would have been sad, if it hadn't been for all the birds.

Anyway, here are the items. I'm going to try and do this within the next couple of weeks. Since it's been so nice, I'm thinking about heading out on my lunch break and snapping pictures. Who knows what I will find?

Most of these pictures are from Portugal.

1. frame
2. glass
3. arrow
4. numbers
5. small
6. open
7. fruit
8. wheel
9. plastic
10. cover
11. natural
12. saturday
13. multi-coloured
14. home
15. shadow
16. sticky
17. clean
18. foot
19. sport
20. round
21. group
22. man made
23. half
24. path
25. full
26. the end

I think you should try it as well. It would be fun.

The Johnny Fund

You will be pleased to know that the Johnny fund is in effect and we have gained a total of $3.59 towards bringing Johnny to America to witness the Minnesota State Fair and spend quality time with Beth and I.

I can hear you thinking. "Yeah. That's impressive."

Oh ye of little faith, that is impressive. I've had the adsense program since January and $2.14 was earned yesterday. Just by a few people clicking on the little google ad buttons. Isn't that cool?

Anyway, tell your friends, neighbors, enemies and everyone you know to come and start clicking. $2.14 is a great start but really, we only have approximately 4 months for this. I am now going to do math (which is proof of just how much I want Johnny to come to Minnesota. I hate math).

Dana's Attempt at Math:

I am assuming 4 months at 30 days apiece. 4 times 30 equals 120. 120 days times $2.14 equals $256.80. This will not get Johnny to America. It may get her to Evora, which is the opposite way we want her to go.

Beth also talked about putting adsense on her blog but I'm not sure if she will do it or not. I really do appreciate all of your clicking! Perhaps I will do weekly updates. Oh, joy. Weekly math. Johnny, do you see how much I adore you? Do you?

Waiting for Keem

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Originally uploaded by carpedmblog.

Today Keem called and picked me up after she got done with work. I waited outside, near the sign for the now defunct restaurant (sadness. Best Patty Melt I've had in awhile) and decided to snap some pics. These are the trees across the street.

I love Spring. It is my favorite season and it is lovely seeing all of the leaves emerging and the bright colors.

Today was the first day I didn't complain about the weather being back. That's something, right?

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Originally uploaded by carpedmblog.

Same trees. Close up. This is as far as my camera will zoom.

Keem!
Originally uploaded by carpedmblog.

She is so going to kill me for posting this picture. But I was excited to see her.

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Originally uploaded by carpedmblog.

I liked this shot. The dolphin just likes to hang out.

Keem and I went to a new restaurant in our area. Applebee's has replaced the Ground Round on Robert Street. The house sirloin topped with bleu cheese is pretty good.

It was a nice day off. Hope you had a good day.

I visit the doctor

Today I went to the doctor for a physical. Joy. I got to lie on a table, covered in pieces of pretend "cloth" (thick paper), while I was subjected to the two most wonderful things about being a woman...a breast examination and Pap Smear. Can you say yay? I knew you could.

I love my doctor because she is very nice and introduced me to my happy pills (Not to interrupt my train of thought or anything but iTunes Party Shuffle is playing Air Supply's "Lost In Love" and my God, could it be any more annoying?). She rarely lectures and we have discussions about what I should do to make my life better. Today we discussed the possibility of my having a hysterectomy to correct something I affectionately refer to as "Bloody Hell." I'm not sure of the actual name of the horror but I hate it. And I have to take Provera, which I hate even more. That's all I'm saying about it. If you want to know more, there is always Google.

Do you know how nice it is to have a doctor who doesn't automatically say "But that would be a crime against humanity if you don't pop out a kid!"? It's very nice. She understands I have no desire to have children, there is a medical problem that could be solved easily, it's something to consider. We're going to talk about it again on the next visit.

Also, no matter how long has gone between our visits (the last time I saw her previously to this year was back in 2003), she remembers everything about me without having to read the chart. Which led to this conversation:

Deb (my doctor, preparing for breast examination): Have you noticed any lumps?
DM (lying naked on examination table except for paper vest and paper drapes, breasts exposed to the world (okay, hiding off to either side of my body)): No.
Deb: Didn't you have some nipple rings once?
DM: Ah, yes, but I had to remove them when I had to have the mammogram.
Deb: And your mother had breast cancer in her 30's, right?
DM: Yes.
Deb: You need to go for another mammogram.
DM: DAMN YOU!

Okay, I rarely swear at her. She was amused to learn about the vast amount of Portuguese that Beth and I knew, including bacon and Sacana.

I had to take a cab to my appointment today since I had a choice between busses. I could take the one that left at 7:45 or the one that left at 2:15. Since I didn't wake up until 10:30 and my appointment was at noon, I didn't have much choice. In Portugal, the trip to the monastery was a longer distance than I traveled today and cost less, even with the conversion rate.

Eddy is still sneezing and I'm going to try calling vets tomorrow. We think it could be allergies, though, Jeff cleaned all of the carpets just recently. He does seem to be doing a little bit better. He came out of Keem's bedroom for a bit and climbed up to knead her chest and stomach (Did I mention that he adores her (Eddy, not Jeff)). Then he sprawled across her and purred very loudly. I do not have a picture of this, wish I did. I do have some pictures that I took today, after I got back from the doctor's and waited for Keem to come home and pick me up.

My day was not overly exciting. But it wasn't bad. I miss Portugal. But I'm also glad to be home because it is SPRING! Finally!

Paging Dr. Johnny Fever

Dear Johnny,

Eddy is sick. He keeps sneezing. A lot of sneezes, one right after the other. His whiskers are droopy and he wants to sleep all day and does not spend all of his time begging for Keem to pay attention to him.

What is wrong with him?

What's the point of knowing a vet student if she's not willing to hop on a plane, fly for oh, 15 hours or so, and diagnose my cat? Can you answer that?

I miss you. Just so you know.

Oh, the title is because I had written Paging Dr. Johnny and then I thought of Dr. Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinatti, which you may or may not have ever seen. I liked the show.

And also, we (Beth and I) are trying to bring Johnny to America in August. Since she is a struggling vet student, you may have noticed that I brought Google Ad Sense back. I am contributing all proceeds to the great task of showing Johnny the Minnesota State Fair. Because there are animals and crap on a stick! How could we lose?

If you love Johnny, and I know you do (how could you not), please click. Thanks.

Ways I've Been Found - List #2 or 3 or 500 - with Links!

Okay, Johnny, it’s not much but here you go. I promise more later this week.

Ways I’ve been found (the link is if the search pulled up a specific post) and what I have to say about the search:

Sheepheadian – Whoops! I spelled that wrong! It’s supposed to be Sheepsheadian!

Gymnastic jokes – Was I on crack, I thought, before I pulled up the link. And then I realized this was a post about Last Comic Standing.

A post Lioness did about spaying and castrating your animal friends – And again, I say welcome to my site. And again, I ask you couldn’t leave a comment? Why does everyone hate me? Why?

Jews – 88,940 posts about Jews on Technorati. Wow. My thought to the searcher, did you maybe want to try to narrow that search down just a tad?

Smiley face tattoo – I swear I will post my tattoos one of these days. But Beth already thinks I’m weird for walking up to her half-naked and asking her to give me a hand, how is she going to react to a request to photograph my breasts and back? Okay, you sick people. I removed my shirt to ask her to put aloe on my sunburn.

Pork roast with potatoes and carrots – Oh, nice. Make me hungry, why don’t you?

Greenduckies – And yet, they don’t comment either. This is like the 3rd time this person has looked me up through AOL’s search. How many green duckies are there?

harold and kumar doogie howser sunglasses – Mmm. Neil Patrick Harris is hot.

"Steve Madden on Sale" – My first thought, when I saw this, was who is Steve Madden? And why is he on sale? And then I realized he makes shoes. Do you see why I am fashion challenged?

Gary Dourdon – Again. Someone is obsessed. But hey, he is hot.

www. vampires stabbing 11 year old boys in the sto – Ohhhhkay. Why the specific 11 year old boys? Isn’t stabbing boys enough?

There's more but the internet is annoyed with me and Keem wants me to spend quality time with her. So I leave you with this:

Okay – maybe you’ve never checked out Mimi Smartypants. But that’s okay. I’ll forgive you. What I do think is you should check out this post though. Because it’s very funny post and has many elements you as “normal” people would not necessarily put together in one post but something about the insanity appeals to me. I love her. Where else could you read a post about her adorable 2 year old daughter, someone who needs to give a list on how to make, staple and distribute copies but never says how many to make, staple and distribute, firm Smurfs, how her iPod is communicating with her through the shuffle feature and bonding with your neighbor through public transportation and hating Michael Jackson. Do you see what I mean?

So you're back. From outer space.

Hello, internet. I am back in Minnesota. Be thrilled about it because I sure am not. Minnesota is bloody cold! Normally, I do not have a problem with the weather here but when you return from glorious, wonderful Portugal with temperatures of 50 or 60 degrees to 38 degrees in Minnesota, there is a lot of complaining on my part.

You may have noticed that I did not do a lot of blogging while we were gone. That is because Beth and I worked out a great system, while she blogged, I read my Iris Johansen books (love her. If you like thrillers, you should check her out). I was able to read approximately 12 books on holiday. This is one of the best things about being on holiday, the ability to kick back and read.

Beth figured out that we took over 4,200 pictures while gone. The majority of them are from her camera, I had some battery problems while away. We went through our combined masterpieces and managed to come up with 160 pictures which we have shown to her parents and her mom’s boyfriend, Char and Tom and also people at KARAOKE last night (did we mention that we missed karaoke? We did). I, being overly brilliant, appear to have left my pictures at Beth’s and am very sad about this. But I will survive.

This is going to be a short post because I am very tired. With jet lag and then going to karaoke last night, I am beat. Last night, after Beth dropped me off, I dragged up two bags of books, two suitcases, my CPAP machine, a bag of dirty clothes and my purse. By the time I maneuvered everything through the apartment, trying very hard not to wake up Jeff (his parents are in town and he is sleeping on the portable mattress in the living room while they sleep in his room) and set up the CPAP, it was 4 AM. Did I mention that I changed my schedule and now start at 8 AM? Can you say yuck? I can.

Plus, I got my order from flea’s shop and I had to open that right away. I ordered the coolest thing called Pussy Pucker Pots. It is vegan lip balm and I got areola apricot and it is yummy! Their tag line is “For the tastiest lips north of the hips!” You have to love it (I also ordered “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” from her as well. Its full price but she is donating 15% of the proceeds for the Harry Potter books to Chicago children’s charities). The best part of this was that there was a personal note from flea in the box (yes, I did order other stuff. No, I am not telling you) telling me she was sorry for the delay and to enjoy Portugal. It was like receiving a personal note from Shakespeare. Seriously. She’s an excellent writer and if you have never read flea, you are missing out. She is brilliant and you should so go check her out. Here is a link to something she wrote about “Gone With the Wind” that almost makes me want to see/read the movie/book again. Almost.

Today, before I broke down and got coffee (I did have cappuccino this morning but that’s different. I like cappuccino. Coffee sucks), I was having a difficult time staying awake and dealing with stock holders. Consider this example.

Stock Holder (SH): I would like to sell my shares.
DM (me. I am back to DM. Deya was my Portugal name): I’d be happy to help you with that. You could do the following. You can sell your shares over the phone by setting up a pin number or you could place them in the overhead compartments…
SH: What?
DM: No. Sorry. I mean you can sell them online.
SH: Oh. Okay. Freak.
DM: I’m sorry. I just got back from Portugal and I’m having a hard time getting back into the swing of things (translation: I stayed up way too late last night and am falling asleep as we speak).
SH: What is your fax machine number?
DM: It is (651) 555-1234. Wait. No, it’s not. Its (651) 555-0987 (Realizes that she had given SH the phone number for the job she had before this one).

And also, I may or may not have told a shareholder she had to sell her shares through the invisible fence. What really worries me about this is that she didn’t question me. So now I’m wondering, what if this woman is wandering around the city, with one of those collars on, looking for the invisible fence?

Hopefully tomorrow, I will be normal again (normal for me) and will be able to tell you all about the exciting stuff that happens in my world.

Beijos.