B is for Broken

First - quick update on Cat Watch '07. Eddy and Sebastian are getting along now. There is carousing and frolicking throughout the apartment. Sebastian has toned down the yowling late at night and I am actually getting approximately 6 hours of sleep. Sebastian is a sweet and lovely cat (when he's not expressing everything at the top of his lungs) and quite cuddly. However, he does have a habit I'd like to break him of - that of the love bites. Picture it, if you will, our heroine picking up the grey cat and petting him. He starts purring, throws in a few head butts and then stops to look deeply into her eyes. Everything about him says "I adore you." And then he leans forward and bites the end of her nose.

May I just say ouch? Because seriously, that hurt. It was amusing, I'll give you that, but somewhat painful.

Anyway, on to our feature presentation:

B is for Broken

When I was 13, my parents got divorced (and, before you think, oh poor Dana, she came from a broken home, believe me, this was a good thing. My Dad, although I love him, was not a good husband or father when he was drinking (which was quite often)). When I was 14, Kari, my adorable but bratty little sister broke her foot.

Here's what happened. Dad has visitation and decides to take us camping. We go to William O'Brian State Park, a nice little campground we've been going to for years. It's between Stillwater and Taylor's Falls, right outside of Marine-on-Saint-Croix. Dad is dating a very nice woman at the time but I can't remember her name. She also has daughters (and why yes, I can't remember their names either. It was a long time ago, 27 years) who come along on the trip.

I had just learned how to ride a bike without training wheels either that summer or the summer before (or maybe the summer before the summer before) and so was very excited when Dad suggested we bring our bikes along. Kari and I, along with Other Daughters 1 & 2, start riding our bikes everywhere. William O'Brian is divided between the main campground (up the big hill) and the not-main campground (down the big hill and then the really biiiiiiggggg hill, by the lake) and we spend hours on our bikes, riding up and down the trails, having a great time.

One of the things I loved the most about this weekend was taking the bike trail - it was nicely paved and there were cute little signs that said stop and yield. Like regular stop signs and yield signs but much smaller. They were baby signs. And yes, I am amused easily.

Anyway, we told my dad and Dad's Girlfriend that we were going to go down to the beach. Kari, OD 1&2 and I took off, planning on traversing the biiiiigggg hill on bikes for the first time. This is a scary, scary hill. My mom always hated driving it because it seems like the road just drops away.

This was the summer of 1981 and it was normal to let your kids disappear for hours when camping. There was no fear of kidnappers or child molesters, people routinely left their doors unlocked. It was a simpler time and honestly, I really miss it. But the world has changed. And maybe, considering what ended up happening to Kari, we shouldn't have been off on our own.

If I remember correctly, I think OD#1 and I were closer in age and so we had left our annoying little sisters behind us. We weren't too far ahead of them but I couldn't see her. Kari and I did not get along when we were younger and I wanted to be the cool older sister. I remember OD#1 and I ran into these cute boys that were also at the campground. I'm not sure what happened but somehow we had alienated them or they had alienated us and I remember them biking past and making remarks about my weight.

OD#1 and I stopped by the non-swimming part of the lake and were admiring the scenery when OD#2 came screeching up to us.

OD#2: It's Kari! She's hurt!

The three of us rushed back up the road to Kari. She was not where OD#2 had left her. May I just state that I panicked? My little sister was missing. Somehow I did not think that my mother was going to accept the fact that Kari was a total brat as a good enough excuse.

We made it back to the campsite as I pondered the best way to tell my Dad that his baby girl had vanished. We got back and there, thank the Good Lord for all his mercy, was my sister. With a broken foot. Apparently a nurse just happened to be driving along, saw her and brought her back to the campsite.

We went to the Emergency Room and I remember asking OD#2 what had happened. She told us that the pack of boys had ridden by them, shouted some insults and then Kari had catapulted off of her bike onto the side of the road. Apparently one of the boys had used the "F" word.

DM: Oh no. Kari's never heard that word before. Maybe she was shocked and that's why she fell off her bike.
OD#2: Uh, no, she hit a rock.

Yes, I was concerned that my impressionable little sister had heard a bad word and got hurt because of it. Yes, I am aware that I was incredibly naive.

Kari's foot had been caught in the bike chain. She spent the rest of the summer in a cast and I spent the rest of the summer waiting on her hand and foot out of guilt. I'd like to say that this was when we became close and how she became one of my favorite people. I'd like to say that but I can't. She became even more of a pain in my ass than before. Not surprising, considering that we referred to her as Brat and she would respond to it.

The cast finally came off, Kari healed well and school started in September. I hated school. I was not a popular person, I was laughed at constantly and I just plain hated it. I didn't like any of my classes (not even English, which is surprising because I have had a love affair with books my entire life but not surprising because I had the worst teacher for 6th and 7th grade who made my life a living hell). But this was to change.

My English teacher was Mr. Wharton. He decided to have us write an essay on how we spent our summer vacation. Cheesy, of course. I wrote about Kari's accident but started out "In the Drama world, the term 'Break a leg' is used to wish actors good luck. Actually saying 'good luck' to someone is thought to bring bad luck. Unfortunately, for my sister, the term 'break a foot' was not good luck for her."

Mr. Wharton had handed back every one's papers except for mine. I was freaking out, wondering where my paper was. Did he hate it? Was he going to humiliate me in front of the entire class like evil teacher had? And then Mr. Wharton said "I'm going to read you an essay that I thought was the best out of this entire class."

And he started reading mine out loud.

And even better, someone laughed. And then someone else did. And then the entire class was roaring with laughter. And it was the most amazing experience of my life. I had made people laugh. Not at me. But because of something I had written. I was funny. And my teacher was telling everyone in the class.

And that, my dear friends, is why I blog. It all stems back to that class, to that realization that I had someone who believed in me. And it helped me begin to believe in myself. I write to make people laugh. That's my job. That's my purpose. That's my true love.

Thank you, Mr. Wharton. I have been truly lucky to have 4 great teachers I will never forget. You, Mr. O'Dean, Mrs. Roberts and Ms. Lambert.

A is for Adventure

So one of the great things about NaBloWhateverTheHellIt'sCalled was that I found a few new blogs to read. One of them is Sass Attack. Her name is Laurel and she's from Minnesota originally but now lives in New York. And she is funny and sweet and smart (but what do you expect from a Minnesotan? I mean, really, isn't it obvious?) so I've been enjoying this. Anyway, for NaBloThingNoOneCanPronounce, she came up with the Encyclopedia of Sass and I've enjoyed reading it. I especially loved her latest post - Y is for Young Love (although I almost typed Lounge. Not sure why).

And as we all know, if I enjoy something, I will gleefully steal the idea (but hey, not plagiarism if you credit your sources!) and post it myself. Since I'd like to write more, this is the perfect thing for me to work on doing just that.

Anyway, for our first entry in the Encyclopedia of Dana Marie, I bring you

A is for Adventure

I was talking to Beth last weekend about a song that we're both not very fond of. And, oddly enough, I can't remember what the song is. As we all know, Beth will comment sometime in the future and tell me what the song is. But for now, all you need to know is that it is kind of a remake of another song and it's about some guy who got killed, quite possibly because he was an idiot. And it may or may not have had something to do with drugs or gang warfare.

B: I hate this song.
DM: So do I. I think I first heard this song when I went to prison.
B: ... What?
DM: Didn't I ever tell you about that?
B: Uh, no. I think I would remember this.

So anyway, back, a really, really, really long time ago, I worked at a different bank, the bank I refer to as the Dark Side Bank. I worked with bonds (as opposed to stock now - funny how I ended up in the same industry, just on the different side). There was this woman that I worked with and we became friends.

As a friend, I was open for doing lots of fun stuff, including but not limited to, going to meet her father, step-mother and her half sisters, watching her daughter while she got a hair cut (this didn't work out well since the child decided to stick Tacy's (fake name) keys into an outlet when I glanced away for a moment (okay, yes, I was trying to read. Toddlers don't appreciate this!)) and last but not least, going to prison with her.

And no, I do not have a secret life of crime.

Tacy knew this guy that was in prison. I don't remember why. He did something stupid, which is, let's face it, what most people end up in prison for. Because breaking the law is wrong! Anyway, they had been communicating with each other and he wanted her to come visit him. Since this was a pretty long drive (about an hour and a half to two hours, it was near Hinckley (which is on the way to Duluth and no, I don't know how many miles that is)), Tacy asked if I would like to go with her. I am always in the mood for a road trip so sure.

We drove up there, laughing and singing along with the radio, talking, etc. It was a lot of fun. She would go inside for visiting hours and I would wait in the car, listening to the radio and reading. This may not sound like a lot of fun to you but I enjoyed it. My rule of thumb ever since I was very young was "Always have a book. If you have a book, you will never be bored." I can wait for hours for people if I am reading.

This came in handy one day when there was a lockdown at the prison. Apparently lockdowns were never scheduled and could take place at any time. I think this was a drill or something, not because someone had escaped. Everyone had to stay where they were so Tacy's hour of visiting turned into three hours. This wasn't exactly a problem except for the fact that I was wearing a sleeveless shirt, the window was down and my right arm became very, very burnt. I don't tan unless I burn and I had the weirdest farmer's tan for the entire summer. Plus it was incredibly gross with the peeling and all.

I eventually started overheating and wandered into the lobby where I struck up a conversation with the hottest prison guard ever (think Ving Rhames, big, black, bald and beautiful. Yummy) and he told me I could certainly wait in the lobby in the future. Which, hello, unlimited reading and air conditioning? I am all over that. Plus, he was a huge flirt so it was fun.

Then Tacy told Prison Boy about what had happened and he suggested that I start visiting with his friend or cell mate or random guy that was lonely. No biggie. I've corresponded with men in prison before. I thought of them as pen pals. They, unfortunately, usually started telling me about how we were going to have a wonderful life together when they finally got out of prison. Um, no. First of all, I am okay with the fact that people make mistakes and they pay the consequences for the mistakes but no, I am not going to date you. I do not know you. You are in prison. The only thing I know about you is what you have told me about yourself. Something tells me that you might be inclined to lie. Second of all, I don't date men who refer to me as woman and start telling me what to do.

Anyway, it was decided that sure, I would visit Prison Boy's friend. I filled out the application and presented it to Hot Security Guard. He, in turn, let me watch the video that probably wasn't titled "Why you should not be really, really, really stupid and smuggle drugs into a prison" but should have been. And this video was about (guess!) really, really, really stupid people who decided to smuggle drugs into prison. And it was divided up between the really, really stupid women and then the men who talked them into it.

One of the women put the drugs in her child's diaper. In the diaper! And then she was arrested in the prison and hey, surprise! She lost her kids! How did you think this would not happen?

Another woman talked about how the guy told her how much he loved her and how great this would be because he would get money and then they could be together, blah de blah blah. The very next scene is this guy who says "Yeah, I just tell them that I love them and they're stupid."
As I am watching this movie, I keep looking over at Hot Security Guard and saying "How? How can these people be so stupid? Don't they realize that this is against the law?" And he would laugh at me because, yes, I am somewhat naive and believe that people obey the law because it is a law and they should know better and what the hell were they thinking?*

*This, of course, was long after my rebellious, shop-lifting, drug using time. I have been bad.

Anyway, the time came when I had passed all the hoops with flying colors and was able to meet Prison Boy's Friend (or PBF, I guess we'll call him).

DM: Hi. I'm Dana.
PBF: I'm Prison Boy's Friend.

He smiles at me.

He is missing teeth. There is no chance of romance between us ever. He has a horrible gap/snaggly tooth and a mullet (while looks are not important to me, you should know that a mullet is not attractive. If you can't figure that out, well, dude, c'mon). Not gonna happen. Plus, he has terrible grammar and cannot spell. No sense of humor. Oh, and did I mention he was in prison? I may not have very high standards but I do have some.

Shortly after I met PBF, Prison Boy was released. He had told Tacy all the time she was coming up there how much he cared about her and loved her and wouldn't it be great when they were together? Oddly enough, he seemed to forget this when the time came for him to pay her back for some of the money she had lent to him. Or, you know, when he had the choice to sleep with another woman (or three).

I don't know what happened to PBF. I tried exchanging letters with him. I even gave him my phone call so he could call me on occasion. Then he started talking about our future relationship and how he would move in with me and life would be awesome. I stopped answering the phone and responding to his letters. I realize this was somewhat passive-aggressive but, hello, what part of "We will never be anything more than friends" did he not get?

Tacy and I drifted apart. I think some of it came from the fact that I just didn't get what she saw in Prison Boy or why she stuck by him for so long. Do I miss her? Not often. But when I think of her, I think of two women listening to the radio on a Spring day, singing at the top of their lungs, stopping at garage sales and craft shows and having a great time on an adventure. Not the most exciting adventure, perhaps, but how many times have you had the chance to go to prison?

Why am I up at 5:12 in the morning? That's a great question, do you mind holding while I check into that for you?

Why? I'll give you 3 guesses. Here's a couple of clues.

He's grey. He's a cat. His name is Sebastian.

AND HE NEVER SHUTS UP!

Anyway, since it's my shift now during Cat Watch '07, here's a meme that I gleefully stole from the lovely Miss Melissa.

Unnamed Meme

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?

It was actually yesterday morning. Keem and I had the following conversation after watching Eddy start throwing the smack down on Sebastian. Oh, I wish I would have had the camera nearby. Eddy rose up on his hind legs in a classic karate pose (well, classic cat karate pose, I guess) and started flailing his paw. He didn't actually connect with Sebastian's face but it was hilarious, 3 very well excuted slaps.


DM: It's Eddy and his paw of...paw of...

I try to think of something, anything, witty but I am so damn tired!

Keem: Justice.
DM: Hee! The paw of Justice!

This makes us laugh for approximately 15 minutes. All the way down to the car in the elevator. Into the car. On the way to work. It's not that funny but we are sleep deprived.

As Keem pulls out of the parking ramp, we are assaulted by the sunlight. You know, since we've been working this shift from November 1st, you'd think we'd be aware of the fact that the sun is gong to be out there, lurking, just waiting to catch us.

DM: Argh! Bright! Bright! Can't see!
Keem: Blind! Tears! Paw of Justice!

We dissolve into hysterical giggles again. Until I start coughing.

Keem: Don't die, Dana. I would be sad but I wouldn't be able to cry. Because of all the tears from laughing.

And that sets us off again.

2. What were you doing at 0800?

Well, since it is now 05:37, I'll have to say that yesterday at 8 AM, I was trying to sleep. And failing. Because of CATS!

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

Sleeping. The sleep of the just. Until Keem woke me up and told me it was my turn to deal with HIM (that would be Sebastian, just in case you've not noticed the running theme here).

4. What happened to you in 2006?

Um...let's see. Do I happen to have a handy post that talks about what happened in 2006? Why, yes, I do.

5. What was the last thing you said out loud?

SHUT UP, damn it! Do you understand that I have to sleep? Do you? Why are you torturing me like this? Why?*

*I bet you can't guess who I said it to.

6. How many beverages did you have today?

Lots of water. A can of Mountain Dew, a can of Diet Coke, a can of Squirt (I like to live on the edge). A thing of Mountain Dew with supper. Diet Coke would be a lot better if it tasted like Mountain Dew.* And before anyone tells me I shouldn't have Mountain Dew because I'm diabetic, let me just tell you this. I am too tired to not have lots and lots of caffiene. Caffiene is my friend right now.

*Don't recommend Diet Mountain Dew. It tastes horrible.

7. What colour is your hairbrush?

Yes, because my hairbrush color provides such deep and meaningful insight . But it's purple.

8. What was the last thing you paid for?

Dinner from Hot City Pizza. Yummy hoagies.

9. Where were you last night?

At home.

10. What colour is your front door?

It's door colored. Brown, I think.

11. Where do you keep your change?

In Pig. Or Pigette. Depending on whichever one of them looks the hungriest.

12. What’s the weather like today?

Dark. Cranky. Tired.

Oh, weather, not my mood. Um, dark? Cold. Possibly snowing today.

13. What’s the best ice-cream flavour?

Haagen Daz Light Mint Chocolate Chip. Yummy.

14. What excites you?

Right now, I would have to say sleep. Or it could be my upcoming marriage to Co-Worker Jaime.*

*I proposed to him yesterday. But he's allowed to date. I'm done with that stuff. And we're not going to live together. I just want to get married before I die.**

**Yes, it's a joke. Although he is amenable to Bryan marrying us.

DM: Bryan would have to marry us.
Jaime: Who's Bryan?
DM: My karaoke host. He's an athiest minister.
Amber: What exactly does an athiest minister talk about?
DM: Um, love? I guess?

Then I tried to explain about the Church of the Angry Frankensten Monsters. My co-workers think I'm weird now.

15. Do you want to cut your hair?

No. I already cut it. It looks okay.

16. Are you over the age of 25?

Uh, yeah. By 15 years.

17. Do you talk a lot?

Well, Keem tells me to use my inside my head voice a lot so I'd say yes.

18. Do you watch the O.C.?

No. I have enough shows to watch. Who else is excited that American Gladiators is coming back besides Keem and I?

19. Do you know anyone named Steven?

Not to my knowlege.

20. Do you make up your own words?

Yes. Mainly by combining words - shup (shut up), vant (vent/rant).

This amused me today.









21. Are you a jealous person?

Of what? People who are sleeping right now?

22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’

Amber.

23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’

Keem

24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?

Unknown Caller

25. What does the last text message you received say

It was from the cell phone company.

26. Do you chew on your straw?

Why would I chew on my straw when there are perfectly good pens around here.

27. Do you have curly hair?

No. My hair hates me.

28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?

Hopefully bed.

29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?

Probably me. I can be bitchy and have no filter sometimes.

30. What was the last thing you ate?

Hoagie from Hot City.

31. Will you get married in the future?

Unless it is to Co-worker Jaime, probably not.

32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?

Enchanted!

33. Is there anyone you like right now?

How to you mean this like? Is this friendship like because I have tons of those people. If it's romantic like, been there, done that.

34. When was the last time you did the dishes?

The dishes are not on my chore list. Unloading the dishasher is. I'm a little behind on that.

35. Are you currently depressed?

Yes. That's what Effexor is for.

36. Did you cry today?

Not yet. I will if Sebastian doesn't shut up soon.

37. Why did you answer and post this?

Needed something to do while I tried to convince Sebastian to be quiet.

Cat Side Story

You know how I said in my last post about how Enchanted was a great movie if you believed in fairy tales & that people should burst into song and dance at any provocation?

Last night that happened to me. Not exactly people but suddenly there was a production of West Side Story taking place in my living room. Starring cats (in case the title didn't give it away). Eddy defending his turf, taking the role of the Jets. And Sebastian (my sister Kari's cat who is staying with us while she, Eric & Josh are visiting our mother in San Diego) aptly playing the Sharks.

It could be that I was very tired, having been dropped off by Beth at 3 AM this morning. It could be because I ran out of Seroquel on Friday night and Saturday night (technically Sunday morning at 7 AM) I relied on Tylenol PM which meant that I was up at 1:30 PM on Sunday. It could be because that I'm slightly insane.

But there was Eddy, lying in the middle of the living room, allowing me to pet him until he stalked off through his brown tuby thing (with pink trim (I've mentioned that I'm really fond of the brown/pink combinations, right?)). Maybe he was trying to hide but the tuby thing also makes a lot of crackling noise and Sebastian came into the living room. Eddy's movements became more dramatic as he stalked through the tube. I seriously thought he was going to start doing the dance to the Jet song.

Eddy and Sebastian circled around each other. There was some hissing. There was spitting. There was the flailing of paws in each other's directions (they didn't actually touch each other). I was waiting for Sebastian to start singing "Keem!!! I just met a girl named Keem!!!" but then I remembered that Sebastian was supposed to be the Sharks and so he couldn't be Tony.

I mentioned that I was really tired, right? I would try to sleep and then there would be a crash or a hiss or something. And Keem kept sleeping through it. I'd get up, go and lecture them. Tell them that they were cousins and needed to start getting along. Pet them an equal amount of time so they didn't get jealous of each other (please. Like that worked). So it's not that weird that I would start imagining a bunch of orange cats singing "Gee, Officer Krupke." Right?

At about 5 AM, I probably had been asleep for about 15 minutes (only because I put a blanket over my head) when Keem called my name.

Keem: Dana! Go deal with Sebastian!
DM: What's he doing?
Keem: Jumping on my bed, meowing piteously and then jumping off and walking away.
DM: Oh, yeah. He does that apparently. I told you he was a talker.
Keem: That's fine but I need to sleep!
DM: Please. You completely missed Cat Side Story.

I then demostrated Eddy's odd ballet like stalking motions. Keem told me I was insane. Sebastian finally shut up at about 6 AM when he found his way into Keem's closet. He likes closets.

I talked to Kari today (after I realized I let my entire immediate family go off to San Diego without finding out where they were staying. Fortunately they all have cell phones) and she said that Josh is already saying he doesn't have a kitty anymore. Kari told him that no, that wasn't true. Eddy and Sebastian are cousins and so they're just having a sleep over. I think it is very amusing that we both refer to the cats as being cousins (and Mom loves it when I refer to Eddy as her grandcat (not that she acknowledges him in any way. He is bereft of grandmotherly love)).

I mentioned I was tired, right? This post may have not made any sense.

Holy WTF, Batman!

A few days ago, Keem and I were in Target. I needed to get socks. As I was in the socks area, I saw something that I thought was a cute patterned pair of socks. As I got closer, I realized that it wasn't a cute patterned pair of socks. It was something horrible and disgusting and just completely wrong.

What was it? THIS! This travesty!


Leg warmers! Leg WARMERS! Oh my God. Have we gone back to the 80's suddenly? Will I suddenly see people using an entire can of hair spray to make their hair as big as possible? I hated the big hair fad. It required actually having skill with using a curling iron.

Today I walked into my office, intent only on heating up my beloved Jimmy Dean breakfast buscuits for breakfast. One of my co-workers approached the area. I noticed her outfit. White t-shirt, denim mini-skirt, red high heel shoes and ACK!! Cringe!

Red freakin' leg warmers.

DM: What are you wearing? How can you be wearing leg warmers? How?
Co-worker: They're back. They're back in style.

No. No, they are not back. They never should have been here in the first place. And they're back? I'm sorry, but I associate those words with Poltergeist or the Terminator (although Arnold actually said "I'll be back" but that's not the point).

And this was an email that somehow got past my spam detector at work. I was somewhat amused.

"Bad enough," noise said harm jump degree he; "hard work and not a kind word spoken." sin Now, then, I was again happy; I nail now spit took current only 1000 drops of laudanum per day; and what was that? A l spilt Without glass buy balance a grave, unknelled, uncoffined, and unknown." "Dear me, how spade sad! Do you search mind theory division telling me your age?"

It's almost poetic.

Have a good weekend, my lovelies. I am going to go scrapbook with Beth Saturday night. It'll be very fun.

Oh! And I saw the best movie ever yesterday. If you believe in fairy tales and that dreams can come true and that there should be the possibility of people just breaking into song and dance at the slightest provocation, then you will love Enchanted. It was very, very, very cute. And there was a big dance number in Central Park!

Keem (after big dance number): I want to press rewind.
DM: Me too.

I love my job

I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.
I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.
I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.
I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.

I am not overwhelmed and pulling my hair out by the roots. Really. No, really. Cutting my bangs (again) doesn't count. And yes, I did use a mirror this time. Unfortunately, if you are leaning over the desk to look in the mirror, it means that your bangs do not get cut evenly at eyebrow level. Try jagged and about 1-2 inches above eyebrow level. Matt (old boss) suggested that perhaps I should have learned my lesson the last time I did this. Apparently I did not. Right now my hand is inching towards the scissors so I can just cut the back so I don't look like I have a mullet anymore. But I'm really afraid of what would happen. Maybe if I just put it in a pony tail and I'll forget it is there, thwarting me. Or maybe I could just cut off the pony tail...hmm.

I think my hair needs an intervention. And, oops. The hands won. It's a lot shorter in the back now. Keem is going to kill me.

But really, I love my job. I do.*

*Yes, I really do but co-worker Jessica just told me that she's going to be out of the office from end of day on Wednesday until December 7th! Oh my God. I'm in charge of everything!!!!!! GAH! Where the heck is my inhaler??? Or a paper bag?

How to torture a cat. A photo (and video!) essay.

A month or so, Keem and I were in Target. Super Target to be exact (cooler than regular Target, less evil than Wal-I don't get what happened to them, they used to be a decent company when I worked for them but then, apparently they became incredibly greedy-Mart (kind of a long name)). As we are wandering down the cat aisle (well, actually, I wander. Keem usually has a very specific agenda in mind. 8:15 PM Enter Target. 8:17 PM Drag Dana out of the scrapbook section. 8:19 PM Tell Dana that, no, she cannot buy a book. 8:20 PM Enter cat food aisle), something catches my eye.

DM: Keem! Keeeeeeem! Look!
Keem (long suffering tone): What?
DM: Look! It's a tie!

And it is. It's the most adorable collar ever, fashioned into the share of a tie.



Keem: Cute.

She is intrigued and decides to investigate the other great things in the cat aisle, the things that she misses because she's always in a hurry.

She finds the hat. It's fashioned like a lion's head. The perfect thing to make your cat wear on Halloween.



Yes, we bought them. What is the purpose of having a pet (or a small child for that matter) if you can't dress them up in stuff that they will hate?

We debate whether we should work up to the full torture (hat and tie on at the same time) slowly or do it all at once. After much decision (5 seconds), the unveiling ceremony takes place. This is done by convincing the cat to come and investigate the newest toy that has been bought for him (he is spoiled. But that could be because I can't actually walk down the cat aisle without buying him a new toy).

And then I grab him. Notice the laundry in the background of this picture. It was there for about a week.



First the hat must be applied.



Then the tie.



There! Doesn't he look absolutely adorable?



Video number 1. Keem is supposed to be taking his picture.

And now, the releasing of the lion kitty into the wild.







And the picture of how his collar and hat got completly reversed.



If you're wondering why my eyebrows are red and blue, it was because it was red and blue day during customer service week. Hey. There were prizes involved. I have no shame.


In other news, I found out my Uncle Jerry died on Monday morning. He was my mother's brother and I credit him for being partially responsible for my sense of humor. Between him and my father, I learned to really appreciate sarcasm. Rest in piece, Uncle Jerry. You were an awesome, awesome man and I'll always be thankful for knowing you. Apparently my Aunt Rita is not doing very well, she is ill and also just lost her husband of 53 years. Keem also has a friend of the family that was diagnosed with cancer recently. Any prayers or thoughts for them would be greatly appreciated.

I'm sorry. I couldn't resist

Your Native American Name Is...

Nukpana Chepi Your name means: Evil Fairy

What's Your Native American Name?

Sometimes Blogthings scares me. But, hey, an evil fairy has to be way cooler than an evil genius, right? Plus Beth has this crazy idea that evil geniuses have to understand how logic works in order to function.

Oh! And I love Overheard in the Office, especially for stuff like this.

Yeah, and Scrambling the Data. Nice Work!
By Djlindee on Dumb Employees

Sales rep #1: Here's that spreadsheet. I hid the columns you didn't need so it would fit on one page.
Sales rep #2: How did you do that? I have been cutting and pasting all this time!
Sales rep #1: Cutting and pasting?
Sales rep #2, pulling out three pieces of paper, cut and taped together to make one big spreadsheet: See? I cut and pasted!

Virginia

Overheard by: What!?

I have worked with people like this. Seriously. Excel isn't hard!

NABLOPOMO officially kicked my ass and my cat is a total dork

I tried. I really, really did. But what it all comes down to is that I started running out of things to say. And then the things that I were saying just weren't funny. And since my purpose in life is to be funny, I had to let it go.

And speaking of funny, here is a conversation had with Keem this weekend.

Scene: Laundry Room
Characters: Keem, Dana and Janitor Lady (JL)

Keem: Dana!
DM: Yes?
Keem: The random cat toys in my laundry cart have to stop!
JL: Bwahahaha!
DM: What? You're kidding.
Keem: No. No, I am not.
DM: But how does he get it into the laundry cart?
Keem: I have no idea.
DM: Weird.
Keem: Last time it was the white fluffy one that he loves. I found it after I washed the clothes so I had to throw it away.
DM: You threw away the white fluffy one? How could you? No wonder he's been so forlorn lately.

Yes. Apparently the cat toys are not clean enough for his majesty, Edmund. It's bad enough that he demands the fresh ice water and the cat treats mixed properly but now the toys have a specific cleanliness standard.

Oh, and this morning? He was so trying to scam extra wet food from Keem by looking all sad and neglected by his dish (I feed him the wet food in the morning, Keem feeds him when we come home). Plus, he eats better than us because he gets Fancy Feast Elegant Medleys. Dang Cat.

Puzzle Updates

Last weekend wasn't overly exciting. Keem and I did make a trip to JoAnn's where I bought some scrapbooking paper and other crafty things. We were going to do laundry but both of us hate doing laundry and will usually put it off until the very last minute. Because, you know, if you hate doing something, you should just wait until you have a ton of it to do. That makes sense.

Sunday Beth picked me up and we tried to decide what we were going to do. Beth called James and he said he would call us if he and Liz decided they were going to go out. Meanwhile, Beth drove around and we talked. We decided to head to her apartment and scrapbook.

However, once we got there, the plans changed a little bit. Beth was drawn to an area in her apartment. An area so filled with trepidation and danger that I was a bit frightened. Yes, it was the card table and on the card table was a gigantic puzzle that Beth had been working on for awhile. She had made a lot of progress since I had been over the weekend before.

Unable to help herself, Beth took to moving the puzzle pieces around while I decided to go scrapbook. And that's when things got a little weird.

Beth: I found a piece.
DM: That's good.

Later.

Beth: Do you know how many pieces I've found since my last puzzle update?
DM: No.
Beth: One. One piece.

Later.

Beth: That's it. I've had it. Pieces, you will arrange yourself. I'm closing my eyes.

I look over. She has her eyes scrunched shut similar to Hiro on Heroes when he is trying to teleport.

DM: If the pieces start flying around in the air, I am going to be really freaked out.
Beth: I am opening my eyes.

The pieces, oddly enough, resisted Beth's exhortions and just laid there on the table.

Beth: Damn you!

The rest of the night was filled with laughter and many puzzle updates. I believe there may have been a total of 15. There was also the occasional curse.

Beth: So what did you do Sunday night? I worked on a puzzle. Wow.
DM: We have such exciting lives.

Disclaimer: This took place last Sunday and I have a hard enough time remembering what people said 5 minutes ago. I may not have quoted us properly. Sorry about that.

And you know, somehow this post is not as exciting as I thought it was going to be. Maybe you had to be there but the frustration in Beth's voice was hilarious. You know what else is hilarious? The fact that she organizes her puzzles pieces in little stacks based on color. Instead of just leaving them scatter all about the place like I do. Although that might explain why she actually finished the puzzle and I have yet to finish more than the border of one. Hmm. I may have to try this stacking thing.

You still have an opportunity to hit me up for a present this Holiday season.

Oh, Udge is doing this and I am all about peer pressure and giving things to people so
the first five commenters to sign up for the meme here and post the same promise on their blogs will receive a small present-like thing from me. It will help jumpstart the holiday spirit for me. You will have to provide me with your real name and address but please keep in mind that I don't drive and so probably would not be able to stalk you. Unless I am able to convince the Greyhound bus driver to circle around your house obsessively. I think that's unlikely. I have
no idea what the small present-like thing will be but I must warn you, there is the chance you could receive a monkey sitting in a chair. I can be very strange. Just ask Beth.

Leave me a comment. And you know, I think I'm okay if you've already done this with someone else. I like to give presents.

Oh, and if you are wondering just exactly a monkey sitting in a chair looks like, click here. I maintain that it was a highly creative, non-boring gift. Beth maintains that I obviously go shopping while indulging in lots and lots of crack.*

*Beth has never said this. I like to exaggerate. I know you are all shocked at this.

Yesterday I was overwhelmed, today I am sick

Well, I have learned something today. I learned that I accidentally doubled my dosage of glusophage and I was taking 4000 MG instead of the 2000 MG I was supposed to take. Also, I thought, hey, maybe I should check the side effects of this stuff because I haven't been feeling well lately.

Side effects:

Low blood sugar (um, isn't that what I'm trying to go for?). Signs include anger, shaking, fast heartbeat, confusion or sweating - well, other than the sweating, this doesn't seem to be a problem.
Belly pain - check (although it rather feels like someone is trying to cut my stomach out with a very dull spoon)
Nausea or vomiting - Nausea, yes. Vomiting, thank the good Lord no.
Diarrhea - check (lucky, lucky me! This is fun! Everyone wants this!!! Oh, wait, no, they really don't)
Not hungry (please. I wish).
Metallic taste (no, but I usually associate the metallic taste with blood and fortunately I don't have any of that in my mouth).

I really want to go home. Just so you know. I have figured that most of this didn't start until I, like the big idiot that I am, started doubling the dosage (and that was only because the pills I had before were 500 MG and Deb suggested I take 1000 MG. Do not ask me why I thought that the big pills and the little pills were the same size. I do not understand it either). So hopefully this means that going to the correct dosage will alleviate my symptoms. Hopefully.

Oh and someone just told me that our insurance company has decided to stop covering Effexor. They'll only cover generics. There is no generic for Effexor. So I can either work with my doctor to find some happy pill substitutes or I can start paying full price. That doesn't suck at all.

Anyway, to stop complaining, I want to mention the meme from yesterday is still continuing.

Oh, Udge is doing this and I am all about peer pressure and giving things to people so
the first five commenters to sign up for the meme here and post the same promise on their blogs will receive a small present-like thing from me. It will help jumpstart the holiday spirit for me. You will have to provide me with your real name and address but please keep in mind that I don't drive and so probably would not be able to stalk you. Unless I am able to convince the Greyhound bus driver to circle around your house obsessively. I think that's unlikely. I have
no idea what the small present-like thing will be but I must warn you, there is the chance you could receive a monkey sitting in a chair. I can be very strange. Just ask Beth.

Leave me a comment. And you know, I think I'm okay if you've already done this with someone else. I like to give presents.

Oh, and if you are wondering just exactly a monkey sitting in a chair looks like, click here. I maintain that it was a highly creative, non-boring gift. Beth maintains that I obviously go shopping while indulging in lots and lots of crack.*

*Beth has never said this. I like to exaggerate. I know you are all shocked at this.

I am slightly overwhelmed BUT! I bring you a meme

I just sat down with my new boss Cheryl (formerly my old boss Cheryl but new boss Cheryl left the department and then I got promoted and am working for old boss Cheryl again. Try to keep up, people) and the other QA monitor, co-worker Jessica, to discuss what my responsibilities will be with my brand new, exciting position. Apparently cloning myself is involved because the list of tasks that I have is, well, more than one person can do in a 40 hour work week. Which is why Jessica was telling us that she goes home and works for another two hours each night. Um, yikes.

I am sure that once I actually learn how to do all the tasks, I'll be able to calm down. And I am excited that I get to work on exciting projects, involving working with Excel and Word. This is good. I like both of these things. But for now, I'm unable to formulate sentences that actually make sense so I will not be telling you about my exciting weekend and Beth's puzzle updates*. That will have to wait for tomorrow.

*Don't you just love it when I leave you hanging like that? I know you are avidly waiting to know what this is all about.

Oh, Udge is doing this and I am all about peer pressure and giving things to people so the first five commenters to sign up for the meme here and post the same promise on their blogs will receive a small present-like thing from me. It will help jumpstart the holiday spirit for me. You will have to provide me with your real name and address but please keep in mind that I don't drive and so probably would not be able to stalk you. Unless I am able to convince the Greyhound bus driver to circle around your house obsessively. I think that's unlikely. I have no idea what the small present-like thing will be but I must warn you, there is the chance you could receive a monkey sitting in a chair. I can be very strange. Just ask Beth.

I cannot believe I never posted this - thank God I obsessively save everything I ever write in Word

This is from awhile ago, during Tax Season, to be exact. Ah, Tax Season. How I do not miss you, let me count the ways. One - you're really, really annoying. Two - I hate you. The End.

From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 9:45 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Argh!

Make the calls stop!

From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 10:02 AM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Argh!

I would like to do so but unfortunately, your request cannot be completed because it is Tax Season, also known as Hell.

From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 11:31 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Argh!

Make tax hell stop!

_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 11:33 AM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Argh!

Um, last I checked, I was not the Princess of Darkness so I can't. As Queen of the Universe, unfortunately, I do not have any dominion over the Underworld.

From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 11:46 AM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Argh!

You are not the queen of the universe. Never have been, never will be. So, you don't have any control whatsoever! :P

From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 12:33 PM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Argh!

You are mean. You won't let me throw my Ninja Cranberries at you.*

*Ocean Spray has these awesome commercials where there’s an older guy and a younger guy standing in a cranberry bog. The younger guy is kind of goofy and, in my favorite commercial, says “I think Cranberries are the Ninjas of the Fruit World.” And then he does this high kick and makes a martial art sort of sound. Cracks me up every time. Keem had come over when I was eating some Craisins and I wanted to throw them at her and make a martial art sort of sound. I am partial to “Wa!”

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 12:34 PM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Argh!

I repel your ninja requests. You are not Ninja, therefore, you are unable to repel the Ninja cranberries. Besides wiich*, an inanimate object cannot be animate. It is an Oxymoron. Part oxy, part moron….wonder where the moron part comes from….

*that is an actual typo. It is not as fun as "You are igonring me" in which I replied "I do not know what an igon ring is or how to to igonring someone. As for ignoring you, no, I was in a call." Igonring is now in our weird Dana/Keem vocabulary (in which Keem (Kim) is a part of. And wuter (water). And many other words that come and go, mainly created by me because I am weird. In case you didn't know that.
_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 1:31 PM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Argh!

Ha. Ha. Ha to your moron part. I am not trying to repel the Ninja cranberries. And, according to your statement here, if I am not Ninja, you are also not Ninja so therefore YOU can't repel the Ninja cranberries! Ha!

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 1:36 PM
To: DM
Subject: RE: Argh!

What part in what I said states that I will repel the ninja cranberries using some sort of ninja move? I have a notebook. I can swat the ninja cranberries. You are reading more into what I said and it is not implied that I would use some sort of ninja tactic to repel said ninja cranberries. I am resourceful and do not need special ninja abilities to repel something unwanted. Ha!

_____________________________________________
From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 1:38 PM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: Argh!

You said and I quote "I repel your ninja requests. You are not Ninja, therefore, you are unable to repel the Ninja cranberries." This indicates that you are repelling my Ninja requests. And that since I cannot repel the Ninja cranberries, therefore you cannot repel the Ninja Cranberries. It is simple logic.

_____________________________________________
From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 1:59 PM
To: DM
Subject: HA!*

I can repel them if I wish. I have a protective, invisible force field that allows me to repel the ninja cranberries and any thing else ninjaish. So there!

*Notice how she changed the subject line? We do that a lot. We have been known to change the subject line five or six times in one email conversation. Sometimes we just send emails with no text, just subject lines. I do believe I mentioned we were weird, right?

From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 2:40 PM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: HA!

How did you get the protective, invisible force field? I don't have a force field. I want one.

Mr. Calitri* is not a ninja so you can not repel him.

Oh, I was thinking you should name your chicken Eggs and your pig Ham. So you would have Ham and Eggs. Or Hamon. I kind of like Hamon.

*Mr. Calitri is my chicken. In order to irritate Keem, sometimes I will thrust him at her and tell her that he wants to kees (kiss (I like ee's)) and peck at her. She hates that. If you were wondering just what exactly Mr. Calitri looks like, you can check my profile picture. And read this post, because it will explain a little more the oddness that is me.

From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 3:07 PM
To: DM
Subject: RE: HA!

I like Ham and Eggs. That's pretty good. I'll consider it.

From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 3:16 PM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: HA!

Oooh! To really change it up, you could name your pig Eggs and the chicken Ham! That would be funny.

Sarah named her fish Chicken*.

*She did. Can you believe the length my friends will do to keep up the chicken conspiracy?

From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 3:23 PM
To: DM
Subject: RE: HA!

That's funny too. How about fish and chips? Or white meat and the other white meat… hee hee.

From: DM
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 3:24 PM
To: Keem
Subject: RE: HA!

I want you to know that I had to miss a call because I was laughing over white meat and the other white meat. That is hilarious.

From: Keem
Sent: Monday, February 05, 2007 3:23 PM
To: DM
Subject: RE: HA!

Yeah, well I almost busted a gut in the call because of your email pop up about laughing.


It is good to have this type of insanity to take place during Tax Hell. Hopefully I won't have to actually take calls this year. New promotion and all and yet there's still that chance that it might be required. Grr.

Why I adore flea

As you may or may not know, I am not a parent. There's a really good reason for this. Namely, I'm not a kid person. Don't get me wrong, I can admire children from a distance. I find my nephew to be the most incredibly wonderful child in the Universe (I am only slightly biased). I even enjoy what is referred to as a "mommy blog" on occasion (which actually really drives me crazy. I read certain blogs because they are entertaining and edifying and enjoyable. The fact that the blogger also happens to have children doesn't mean they should be lumped into one category. Because believe me when I tell you that all "mommy blogs" are not created equally. If you're to go under that assumption, I should be lumped into the "cat owner blog" category. Which, actually, kind of sums it up but only if you put insane in from of cat).

Anyway, I actually had a point. Here is what it is.

This morning I pulled up a post written by flea at One Good Thing. Seeing a post by flea on bloglines is always very exciting for me. She's an incredibly talented author and can make anything interesting, including, but not limited to, a long battle between her and the most evil light bulb ever known to mankind.

Today's post made me cry. I'd like to suggest that you read this post because I feel that what she did was heroic. It also makes me want to travel to the Chicago area and kick some ass. I'd like to suggest that you read it because otherwise the rest of this post will make absolutely no sense.

I know there are people like this is the world. I know that there are bad parents and personally, I think that everyone should have to take a test before they are allowed to have children. There's a reason why I have chosen to be child-free and that is because I know my limitations. I know that I am impatient and moody and kind of a bitch sometimes. I know that I can lose my temper easily when I am tired and that I can get cranky. So it makes me angry to hear about these people who obviously didn't think the whole child thing through. If you don't want children, don't have them. If you get pregnant by accident, for God's sake, give the baby up for adoption. There are so many good people out there who want kids.

I hope that these people come across the post flea wrote and it makes them realize how pathetic they are. Maybe they'll learn to treat their child with respect. Or maybe, just maybe the system will work and he'll find a home where he is valued.

Okay, have to go back to work now. Sorry for venting but I just couldn't let this go by without saying something.

I am on the mailing list from hell

I have one credit card and one loan. Somehow this has prompted mailings from roughly 5,000 different creditors who all want me to open up a credit card with them. Including the people I have a credit card with already. I do not need any more credit, people! I am not a responsible adult! My sister is in charge of my paycheck and I have to clear purchases with her. In effect, this means I have an allowance. Stop sending me these things!


Although I was really tempted by the Barnes and Noble credit card. Because books are pretty. But I have remained strong.


Also I made a donation to the World Wildlife Fund. Because animals are also pretty (and I love pandas). I am now getting hit up for every single bleeding heart animal organization that exists. I like animals. I like them a lot. But I can't save them all. And then today, today I checked the mail (only check it every few days) and there was the letter from the Sierra Club. Who wants me to stop the Bush organization from destroying the Giant Sequoia trees.


Trees? I love trees! I adore them! I hug them every chance I get! Way to apply to my weakness, people!


God, I am such a sap. Next thing you'll know there'll be a Save the Books organization.


4 down, 26 to go. I'll try to come up with something more exciting tomorrow.

Not exactly what she had in mind

So my sister called the other night and left a message for me.

Kari: Hi. I just wanted to let you know that there's a diabetes fair on such and such date and you can find out more information on their website.

I know she means well, I know that Liz and Beth and everyone who nags yells expresses concern in a very nice way means well. And I appreciate that. But I have a very interesting (read sarcastic) sense of humor and this was my response to the message.


DM: Ooh! A fair! Maybe they'll have cotton candy!*


I haven't told Kari this. I'm quite sure she will hit me. Beth laughed when I told her about it on Thursday night.


*I hate cotton candy, by the way. I do not understand the point of taking sugar and making it fluffy and pastel colored and then giving it to small children and then wondering why they are bouncing off the walls. Because they are children and you gave them SUGAR ON A STICK! What were you thinking? Plus I used to make cotton candy at one of the most horrible jobs ever and I hate the smell of burnt sugar.


Day 3. It's a miracle. It really helps that this year I have computer access at home.

The weekend update - updated!

Can't come up with a creative title. This is very sad. I tried to find other creative church signs to use as a title but I kept running into the church sign generator which, while funny, is not what I was looking for.

Day 2 of NoBloPoMo. And the continuation of my weekend o'scrapbooking. I sense your excitement.

Sunday Beth and I went to her Dad's house for dinner. We enjoyed pizza and cheesecake (her's was topped with a birthday candle). We also watched several episodes of Law & Order and CSI:.

DM (about some guy (McCoy?) on Law & Order): That guy has very unfortunate eyebrows (they were horrible! They were almost squarish).

After this we met up with Dean and James at Brady's.

DM: I don't think I've ever been to Brady's.
Beth (laughing): Yes, you have.
DM: Oh. Is that where...?
Beth: Yep.
DM: Maybe I'll have to fake another asthma attack*.

*Background - back a long time ago, Beth and I ended up at Brady's to meet this guy that she really, really liked. Instead, we found Pete, his annoying friend. Pete makes no mention of the fact that THE BOY had to work early the next morning. He does proceed to hit on Beth all night. Because I hate to see my friend suffer, I decided to fake an asthma attack. Details are here. I still think I should win an Oscar for that performance.

Apparently the boy is there (In case you're wondering, he has been demoted in Beth's affections and that is why the font of his fake name has changed. They never did end up going out and Beth realized that he really wasn't the right guy for her). I do not notice him. I do see Pete later on in the evening and manage to avoid eye contact.

Dean and James arrive (do not refer to them as James and Dean. They hate that) and we spend some time talking about stuff, the usual stuff we always talk about. Which means everything and anything. There is also time spent by my telling James that I did not like him and especially do not like him (I wanted to say "the fact that you are scruffy and that makes me want to bite you" but refrained). I'm not sure why I was mad at him but it's James and he can be so irritating at times. It was probably when he got upset at me for saying that I thought Halle Berry was a good actress. Beth and Dean decided to hightail it for the bathroom then. This is the problem of being friends with a man who takes movies so seriously. He often gets upset over what I deem a good movie. We occasionally agree but a lot of time is spent with me saying "Oh, I liked that movie" and him saying such things as "No, you did not" or "Really? Really? You did not say that" or "Perhaps you should never talk again."

Dean brings up the fact that he doesn't like scary movies and I mentioned that I was frightened by Scary Movie 3. Dean and James are highly amused by this. Beth is already aware of it. We tell them about the time we went to Vegas and stayed at the Luxor and watched this movie. And then I had nightmares. And then, the next morning, there was this scary, scraping noise on the windows.

DM: And it was awful! There was this scraping and then this filmy shadow and I was afraid of opening the window, especially because there was sunlight out there!
James: Why would you be afraid of opening the window?
DM: Because I was worried Beth would burst into flames.
Dean: Hahahahaha! Give me some.

He makes me do that weird bumps thing that I've never really understood.

DM: The only reason I know that Beth is not a vampire is because she eats garlic*.

*Well, I've never actually see her drain the blood of a human either but you never know...she was enthusiastic about seeing what her blood sugar level was this weekend. And couldn't believe that it took me forever to get up the nerve to poke myself.

We got to spend quality time in "the kennel." Since stupid people decided that smoking was bad and you can't do it indoors anymore, all smoking has to be outside. Dean and Beth were willing to join James and I outside so we could infect them with second hand smoke. They're cool like that. Brady's has rigged up this dog cage with heat lamps. It's actually kind of cool looking and it is comfortable, there are tables and chairs outside (of course they are metal so I imagine this will get pretty cold in a month or so). You can still smoke at casinos but that really could have a negative impact on my wallet so don't think that's going to be an option.

Monday, we went back to Beth's mom's house where we ate the best sloppy joes ever and watched Heroes. Finally Hiro kissed what's her name. About time.

While watching, Mohinder's boss came on the screen. Bob is kind of a schlumpy guy with a receding hairline.

DM: Unfortunately sometimes evil is not hot.
Beth: True.
DM (to Beth's mom who is looking perplexed): I have a thing for bad guys. Usually they're the most attractive*.

*Case in point - Sam Rockwell in Charlie's Angels. When he was the nice, kind of nerdy computer guy, I had absolutely no interest in him. The minute it was revealed that he was the evil mastermind and did that hot little spin while wearing the sunglasses, I was totally intrigued.

Afterwards, Beth drove me home and I tried to sneak into the apartment but Eddy made that very difficult with his trying to climb into the IKEA bag and my suitcase. Keem was not pleased to be woken up.

And that is it. The excitement of my weekend. I know you are all totally thrilled by this.

Don't take life so seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.

This is from a church sign Beth and I saw. A church sign. How awesome is that?

Today is day 1 of NaBloPoMo. Mainly what this means is that I am insane and decided to post every day this month. Every single day. Yes, I gave into peer pressure. Okay, no one actually pressured me but there were shiny banners and I succumbed to temptation.

Anyway, my weekend was awesome. I use the word awesome a lot. You may notice this. Do you know why that is? Because I grew up during the eighties and adore Barney on How I Met Your Mother. He uses the word awesome often. He also refers to things as being legendary but I'm trying to resist that one. Beth picks up mannerisms from our friends. I quote television. Sometimes I quote television shows that haven't been on for years. Such as Star Trek: TNG. It's very sad.

Beth picked me up Friday and we went to Minneapolis to the Best! Restaurant! Ever! I did have the Bludgeon of Beef. I also stole from the restaurant. I am so ashamed. For some reason I decided that I absolutely had to have the mini Coke and Diet Coke bottle that Beth and my refreshing beverages were served in. I am using them as small vases for my fake Gerbera daisies. They are quite cute, actually.

Beth (and Liz at one point (as I am sneaking the empty bottle into my purse)): Dana, I'm pretty sure you don't have to steal them. I'm sure they just recycle them.
DM: It's more fun this way.

I may not have actually said that but I was thinking it. And yes, I am a dork.

After Manny's, we went over to Beth's mom's house for a little while. Neither Beth or I are quite sure why but we did get to pet the dogs and cats and chat with her mom. Then it was off to Beth's for the begin of the exciting weekend o'scrapbooking.

Some notes about scrapbooking, for those of you not in the know. What you do is you take pictures and then apply them to albums. But not photo albums because those will ruin your pictures. No, you apply them to special albums which are archival safe. And you also can use stickers and embellishments and lots of other cool stuff to make your pictures look awesome and tell a story.

Do you know what the most important part of scrapbooking is? The pictures. And yet, I do not have any developed. I'm working on my Portugal album (note that I went to Portugal in 2005 and it is now 2007. Almost 2008). Not having pictures makes this a little difficult. But I did make some pages. They're pretty cool looking. They would probably look better with pictures.

Saturday Beth and I decided that we needed to go through a rite of passage that every one must experience at least once in their life. We went to IKEA. Beth needed frames (because she develops her pictures) and I had heard of the wonders of IKEA from Keem so we journeyed to Bloomington or wherever the Mall of America is located.

IKEA is roughly the same size of a small air terminal. And it is filled with stuff. Glorious stuff. Inexpensive stuff. Stuff as far as the eyes can see. This was probably the most fun I have ever had in a store in a long time (I worked 10 years in retail. In a mall. At Christmas time. I don't really like shopping that much. It stems with that whole not really liking people. Shopping is great but unfortunately you have to share the store with other people. That's annoying). We're not really sure how long we were there. It was sunny when we went in and dark when we left. They have these really cool shopping carts that have wheels that spin in all directions so the cart smoothly turns the way you want it to go, instead of locking its wheels and laughing as you try to push it along. It almost felt like I was dancing.

Later on, of course, when Beth and I were in IKEA overload and laughing at the silliest things, we began to feel that we were drunk. The cart helped to encourage that thought. When you find yourself spinning around in circles in the middle of a store, there is probably some sort of drug involved. Maybe they put something in the Swedish meatballs.

Eventually we found the sign for the checkout and headed that way, only to be confronted by a gigantic warehouse. And, fortunately, a bench.

Beth: How long are we going to sit here?
DM: Until my feet stop hurting. So maybe next year.

I bought several frames and a lamp and some other stuff. Beth also bought stuff. Stuff is good.

More on my exciting weekend tomorrow! I know you can hardly wait!

Eh. It's a bullet point kind of day.

• Seriously I think there is nothing more annoying than listening to one of my co-workers talk about her grandchildren. Not so much because I don't like kids but she has to repeat, word for word, what they've said or done. And she uses baby-talk. Grr. After you hear, for the 30th time, that her grandson calls her granddaughter Haywee because he can't say Hayley, you tend to get a little frustrated. I mean, I know I talk about Eddy a lot and his tendency to mrow at us but I don't say it to everyone that passes by. I certainly don't go and seek people out and yammer at them in cat talk.
• I should be thrilled to death that it has been slow at work and, really, I am, but it's also so boring. I cannot wait until November 1st when the new job starts. Hopefully I will also get lots and lots of reports to do. Reports are fun. Especially when they involve Excel.
• Keem heard back about job number 3. She didn't even get an interview. However, job number 4 was the lucky number. She is now the newest member of the help desk, which helps customer service reps with calls and also takes escalated calls. They also do research so it is a job that is incredibly suited to her. She also starts on November 1st. Our hours will switch from 7-3:30 to 9:30-6. Not as thrilled about the later hours but it is going to be nice not dragging myself out of bed at 5:45 every morning.
• My desk is empty. Well, as empty as my desk can be. All my fun stuff is packed away, waiting to be rearranged on my new desk. I can't wait. New desks are fun and exciting and involve arranging things just so...plus I found my cubicle sweet cubicle sign. Yay!
• Pomegranate Green Tea is not as exciting as I thought it would be. Eric's right. Green tea does kind of taste like grass.
• I will miss not sitting in the same row as Co-worker Eric. I will also miss Co-worker John and Co-worker Rykken. It's not like I can't come up to the counter to see them but still, who will I talk to about Heroes? Who will laugh at me when I am being thwarted by my cork board? Who will refer to my desk as Fairy Land?
• I have cramps. I am not pleased. I suppose I could take some ibuprofen but that always seems to not help much. Plus my purse is too far away. Okay, it is only a foot but still...and yes, sometimes I really am that lazy. Rolling across floor in wheelie office chair is fun though so here I go...ibuprofen achieved. Retreat, cramps, retreat!
• Today is Beth's birthday. Happy birthday, Beth! Yay! To celebrate, we are going to the Best! Steakhouse! Ever! to have steak. Mmm. Steak. I will be partaking of the Bludgeon of Beef again. My mouth is starting to water already.
• We are also going to spend the entire weekend scrapbooking. This will be fun. It would be more fun if I would actually develop pictures but the pictures are on my computer and I can't get to them yet. My room is kind of messy and the path doesn't go that far.
• Do not, if you can at all avoid it, read the book "What came before he shot her" by Elizabeth George. It's so very sad. I will definitely recommend "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman. Just finished rereading it and am now working on "Anansi Boys" which is the sequel. I love Neil Gaiman.
• Break is over. Must work now. Yay, work. Have a good day. And a spectacular weekend.

Look! It's a new Meme!

Because I still have nothing to say. Except that "I got a new job! Yay me!" Oh, right, I mentioned that before. Keem, however, did not get job 2 of 4 jobs applied for. Keem is unhappy right now. Let's all pray/appeal to higher power/think happy, empowering thoughts that Keem does get a new job as well because right now it is very tough on her self-confidence to keep being told how great she is and then passed over for someone who has been here less time and has less qualifications. Poor Keem. It is very sad.

Anyway, enough about work. Here is a meme that Patti tagged me for, which I am grateful because, as I said, nothing really to talk about here that isn't about my shiny new job or the fact that I think bras are evil and should be outlawed. Ha! That was random, wasn't it? Weren't expecting that!

Yeah, I'm going to just bring you the meme and shut up now. I think of done this before but don't care. My answers always change and/or become longer. Because that is the power of Dana.*

*I may have overdosed on happy pills. I've been remembering to take them and, well, sometimes the power of happy pills can be a little frightening.

Four Jobs I’ve Held:

Orange Julius orange wrangler (Sounds exciting, doesn’t it? It’s not. And that wasn’t my official title; I can’t remember what we were called. Peons, perhaps?)

Customer Service Rep (many, many times, including now. It is odd that I like customer service when I really don’t like people that much (Okay, before you do the whole “but we’re people. If you don’t like people, you don’t like us” let me just explain to you what I have told Beth and Keem. You don’t count. You’re cool. I don’t like people as a whole but I like individual people. Persons if you will. And I have mentioned that I thought I’d make a great hermit before if it wasn’t for the fact that caves rarely have cable or internet (although Batman probably does. I could move in with Batman. I’ve always wanted to be a crime fighter)))

Office Manager (Worst job ever. I’ve posted about this before but my boss was a complete dictator who didn’t like it that I alphabetized. Excuse me? You’re upset because I’m efficient? WTF? Or, in alphabetical order, FTW?)

Cotton Candy maker (I hate cotton candy. I despise it. It tastes horrible, smells even worse when you’re making it and, when you give it to small children, makes them insane on a sugar high. Plus, when you’ve spent the entire day making it, you become covered with it. There is cotton candy in your hair. There is sugar in your pockets. When you step into the shower, you will start melting.

Four Films I Could Watch Over and Over:

The Imposters
So I Married an Axe Murderer
Big Trouble in Little China
Big Trouble (the movie based on the novel Dave Barry wrote)

If you got the idea that I prefer comedy, you would be correct.

Four TV Shows I Watch:

Burn Notice
Heroes
How I Met Your Mother
America’s Next Top Model (I have to get my drama somewhere. There is nothing more dramatic than a bunch of skinny girls who think they are the greatest thing in the world and it turns out, that uh, no you’re not. The one we’re rooting for this year is Heather who has a mild case of autism (there’s a fancy name for it but I can’t spell it and I’m too lazy to Google it). And Lisa who is an exotic dancer and all the other girls are “You know the Next Top Model isn’t going to be a stripper (Yeah, well, honey, she’s got way more poise and grace in her little toe than you do in your entire body). We’re so great, blah, blah, blah.” And Miss J both fascinates and repels me a little bit)

Four Places I’ve Lived:

Mahtomedi, MN
Saint Paul, MN
North Saint Paul, MN
Madison, WI

Four Favorite Foods:

Turkey burgers (I know. Who knew they could be so yummy?)
Real, juicy, made from a cow, hamburgers (I could kill for Fuddruckers. I won’t because that would be wrong and then I’d go to jail and I’m pretty sure they don’t have Fuddruckers in jail. Or Ruby Tuesdays)
Bread (not that I’ve had any lately. I haven’t had bread in weeks)
Au Gratin potatoes (sigh. Why are all my favorite foods starches? Why?)

Four Websites I Visit Daily:
I really don’t visit websites daily but these are ones that I do when I’m at work, when I’m most on the internet.
Bloglines.com (and look! You’re all there!)
Popcap.com (Peggle is addicting and wrong. Even more so than Alchemy)
Google
Go Fug Yourself.com (they always have a post and I’m sorry but I enjoy their sense of humor and it is nice to look at both pretty and really scary clothing)

Four Favorite Colors:

Pink
Brown (with pink)
Blue and Purple plaid
Orange

Four Places I Would Love to be Right Now:

Portugal
China (They have Pandas! (plus Keem and I watch Survivor China and it is pretty)
Italy
Las Vegas

Four Names I Love, But Could/Would Not Use for My Children:

Henri (pronounced On-ri)
Dmitri Aloysius
Willow (Hi, honey, I named you after a tree! And a movie! And a witch on Buffy! What do you mean, you hate me?)
Adelaide

Halloween Meme and an exciting update

Nothing that exciting going on here except that I have been sick and by sick I mean suffering from some sort of plague that has turned my life into an adventure. Not Adventure In Babysitting but more of an adventure titled Will Dana Make It To The Bathroom In Time? And the answer is, for those of you dying to know, is No. Not always. That is all I am going to say about this except for the fact that you know, maybe Pepper Jack cheese is not the best breakfast choice.

Still waiting to hear about the QA position.* Keem did not get the Supervisor position (either one of them) but did have her interview for Training and that appeared to go well.

*No longer waiting to hear about the QA position. I got it!!!!!! Yay! I am very excited. I start officially on November 1st.

Anyway, stole this from Miss Melissa because it was fun and I needed something to do. I am bored, bored, bored because I don't have any new books to read. Well, that's not true, I do have some but they are not what I want to read. I want something witty and fun and joyful, not a depressing book about some 12 year old who had a really crappy life and then shot someone. I'm the type of person that has to finish a book once I start it but I am really tempted to stop before it gets any more soul-wrenching. It's well written but my God, I just want to scoop this poor kid up and save him.

What’s the scariest movie you’ve ever seen?

I don’t like gore so I very rarely ever watch it. Some of the ones that really have freaked me out were “Scary Movie 3 (I know it was a spoof on Scary Movies but it was still scary so shut up)”, “The Eyes of Laura Mars (saw it when I was 12, about a woman who can see through the eyes of a killer)”, “Stir of Echoes (my sister insisted on watching it and so I hung out in the bathroom and watched part of it through the crack in the door)” and “The Watcher in the Woods.” That one was very frightening. It had a very psychological feel to it and was spooky more than scary. I still can remember parts of it and it just creeped me out. Best scary movie ever? The Spiral Staircase. Black and white movie about a serial killer who is after women with deformities. The main character is a woman who can’t talk due to a traumatic event and he is after her as well.

What was your favorite Halloween costume as a child?

I don’t remember. My favorite costume as an adult was Queen of the Universe. Complete with stars velcroed onto my shirt, construction paper crown, etc.

Given enough money what would be your fantasy Halloween costume?

Queen of the Universe. But, you know, there would be the actual Queen of the Universe salary to go with the costume. And real stars. I would SPARKLE!

When was the last time you went trick-or-treating?

How am I expected to remember this? Um, yesterday when I hit up Keem’s candy dish?

What is your favorite Halloween candy?

I’m quite fond of the mini Reese’s peanut butter cups but I also like milk duds. Pretty much as long as the chocolate is covering something, I like it. Plain chocolate? Blech.

Tell us about a scary nightmare you once had?

Oh, there was the one where the neighbors had an evil old man living in their basement and he had a giant oven where he would cremate people. There was the evil woman who turned all of her rivals into statues (that was probably after seeing some stupid movie about Heracles and how this woman turned her lovers into statues after she was done with them but lost out on his love so she dove into the statue making stuff herself). There were the aliens. There was the serial killer…have I mentioned that I have an overactive imagination?

What is your supernatural fear?

I’m afraid of vampires. They’re out there. Lurking. But if the vampires happen to be Angel and/or Spike, I’m okay with them. And Henry from Blood Ties. He's kind of hot. I like the cop better though.

What is your ‘creepy-crawly’ fear?

Clowns. Insects. Republicans (oh, like you’d be able to resist listing that).

Tell us about a time when you saw a ghost, or heard something go bump in the night?

So my friend LeeAnn and I have this apartment in North Saint Paul. One night I’m in the living room and I see something out of the corner of my eye. Someone (I assume it is LeeAnn) is going to the bathroom. This happens on and off for a few hours. Either she is really thirsty or has the bladder the size of a pea. But for some reason, something compels me to stare straight at the television and not turn my head at all.

The next morning I ask her why she kept visiting the bathroom. The answer? “I didn’t leave my room once I went to bed.” Then she asks me why I came into her room and shut her window. Uh, I didn’t. Sure enough, the window over her bed is shut, the one across the room is still open. Odd. Plus, she said that when this person came into the room, LeeAnn found herself unable to open her eyes.

We figured out we had a ghost, not overly surprising, it is an apartment complex, I’m sure someone has died here. I name him Mr. Ghost. Sometimes I can see him out of the corner of my eye. Mainly he just hung around and rattles the door when he wanted to leave the room (Figures I have the only ghost in the history of ghosthood who cannot walk through walls). And before you say it’s the wind, all the windows were closed.

Would you stay overnight in a real haunted house?

Depends. Are the ghosts friendly? Or are they the type to fly around and try to scare you out of the house? Friendly I can handle. Scary and I do not mix well.

Are you a traditionalist or a creative carver of your Jack-O’Lantern?

I would like to say that I am creative and that my pumpkins are fantastic and you will see them on those emails that get forwarded around to everyone but the truth is that I’m not very artistic. My pumpkins, even the traditional ones, look like a slightly deranged 2 year old got a hold of a knife.

How much do you decorate your house at Halloween?

Don’t. I have a fake pumpkin somewhere. Keem decorates her desk. Does that count?

What do you want on your tombstone?

Pepperoni and Sausage. Yes, yes, dumb joke. Sorry.

No, actually I found this quote that I absolutely loved and I would like that on my tombstone.

Don't cry because it's over - smile because it happened. – Dr. Seuss.

Is that not the most fitting thing ever?

Anyway, if you want to do this, go ahead. Let me know because I like memes. I am a dork.

Good morning, starshine! AKA I am going to kill Sheryl because this song is still stuck in my head! After six days!

ogl


I think I will leave that there and you will all wonder what cryptic code I am leaving for you. Here's a hint. I was trying to access bloglines and blogger popper up at the same time so I ended up typing it here. But it could be spy lingo. Should I quote to you from Burn Notice which is becoming one of my Favorite! Shows! Ever! Yes, I should.


Michael Westen: I've found that if you ever need to make fake C4, cake icing, or fondant, as it is known in the baking world, works the best.


That might not be an exact quote but still, how can you not love this? Michael is the perfect man, handsome, deadly and with a good sense of humor. And then there is Sam, played by my beloved Bruce Campbell (I have many beloved actors. Deal with it). Keem says this show is like McGyver for spies because Michael is always doing this little voiceovers about how you can make powerful magnets to destroy an enemy's computer or make a listening device from a cell phone. Don't know whether it would work or not but still, lots of fun.


Anyway, let's move away from Burn Notice and concentrate on other stuff...

• I did not get the job I last applied for, as an Account Associate. This is okay. I had pretty much decided if I didn't get it, I would be fine. I love my department and really want to stick around and not move to another floor.
• My manager, new Cheryl, got the position. So she is a job thief and an abandoner! She giggles every time I tell her this. It is fun.
• NABABNA recently accquired some new business so we are growing as a Stock Transfer department. Because of that, there are tons of new positions opening up. Keem has applied for 3 of them, I have applied for one - Quality Assurance. I love QA. It is the most important part of customer service, as far as I'm concerned. If you aren't providing the right information, it doesn't really matter what you do. I had my interview today. Keem is going to have a casual interview for the Team Manager position today, I wish her much luck. There's also a training position she is interested in and one for another department but I don't understand what they do. Anyway, please send the bloggy mojo my way!
• I put my pills in front of my computer so now, when the little reminder goes off, I look at it and then at my pills. Now that they are not hiding it the drawer, it is easier to remember them.

Anyway, that's pretty much it. I'll be making the blog rounds in the next day or so. Hope you're all well!

10 reasons why I want to go back to bed (and a few reasons why I'm staying up)

Numbers are why I'm in a mood. Letters are why my mood is lessening.

1. People are cranky. Yes, I understand we are busy. Yes, I understand that we made a mistake. How about you shut up long enough for me to do my job, bad word that starts with a b? Huh? You think you can do that? And offering to buy reading glasses for the Approval department is not making me want to help you.

2. Lady, I am sorry that you had to wait on the phone but no, there is not a way that we can get the automated system to recognize that you are calling from Ohio. The recording is going to give you the address. No one is saying you have to come here to get the direct deposit form. And, you know what? If you shut your trap, maybe I'll order it for you.

3. I want Mountain Dew. Eric was supposed to buy me Mountain Dew. He says he forgot but I am thinking he is one of those "Dana needs to eat/drink healthy" people. Grr. And, yes, I am too lazy to go and get it myself. What's your point?

A. Free breakfast today. There was bacon. I love bacon. Bacon is quite possibly the most perfect meat.

4. Just figured out that I forgot to take my pills for the last couple days. Hmm. Could be behind the crankiness. I really need to come up with a better system other than having people say "Oh my God, you're being such a bitch. Take your pills." You'd think the Outlook reminder I set up would be enough.

B. Josh is 4 today. I get to go to Chuckie Cheese and see my seriously excited nephew. This should be cool. I hope there are decent video games.

5. I haven't done laundry in approximately two weeks. I am not looking forward to it. I'm supposed to it tonight but Kari frowned on the thought of me missing Josh's birthday for laundry. I suppose I can do a load or two before she comes to pick me up.

C. Remember the crazy woman from a few weekends ago? Yeah, turns out that her boyfriend lives on the 24th floor, not the 27th and he's in the process of being evicted. So I got asked to go to court tomorrow with the office staff in case the judge has questions about what happened. I get off of work early AND get to see our justice system in process. This is awesome.

6. My lunch is almost over. I am less than pleased. Lunch should last forever. I need to find out a way to get paid for blogging and playing Age of Empires. Any suggestions?

D. I could only come up with 6 reasons for being cranky. This is good.

E. It's customer service week at work. Monday was Red and Blue day. I got bored holding for the help desk and decided to color my gray hair with a blue marker. And I colored one eyebrow red and one blue. And I drew little red and blue circles all over my hands. Yesterday was pajamas day so I wore pajamas and put my CO Bigelow Purifying Clay mask all over my face. Today is sports day. We were supposed to dress up and show our support for our favorite teams. My favorite team? The X-Men. Super Heroism can be considered a sport. I bought florescent hair color in yellow (looks more green) and did the X-Men logo in eyeliner on my cheeks. Apparently customer service week means Draw on Dana's face! Works for me.

Hope you're all having a better day than I am. Although I do feel better now. Venting really does work for me.

Saint Paul Ink

So last night Beth and I went to Octoberfest at the Happy Gnome and it was, in a word, awesome. There was roast pig and music (granted, it was Martin Zeller and while he appears to be very talented, he sounds like Bob Dylan. But in a less annoying way (I am not overly fond of Bob Dylan). However, this made him difficult to understand. The guitar playing was nice, though) and people watching. There was beef brisket as well. Yummy beef brisket. I did not eat a bun with my pork or brisket. I did have potato salad because, damn it, I like it.

Plus Bryan and Liz were there and we like them. The Happy Gnome is the restaurant that Liz works at and Bryan was helping out by selling beer. There was lots of beer. I don't understand the concept of beer but apparently it is important to have at Octoberfest. There were 4 beers that were called Something Octoberfest. That's just not very original, people. I was intrigued by the New Holland Pumpkin Ale but then I remembered that Ale, like Beer, is disgusting. Bryan had a pumpkin on his table that had a hole and the word Tips carved into it. Apparently people would walk by, see the pumpkin and decide to tip him, even if they didn't buy beer from him. He's quite ingenious. Beth and I also tipped him. Because he gave me milk duds (well, that's not why we tipped him but he is our friend and we would have bought beer from him except that it is disgusting).

We were supposed to hook up with Liz and James after Octoberfest so Beth and I decided to drive around, looking for something to do. Our something to do ended up that we drove around and looked at businesses (they fascinate me. It's so intriguing to look at a name of something and wonder why they do. I mean, the ones that aren't called such and such Chiropractic) and I babbled a lot and Beth laughed at me.

DM: We could go to Minneapolis and get our palms read.
B: We could.
DM: I'm sure they have a psychic somewhere.

Later...

DM: I really want to go get my palm read now.
B: Hmm. Let me see your palm.

I extend my hand.

B: I see you have a long life line and you would have more money if you stopped spending it on frivolous things.
DM: True.
B: Oh, and your love line starts later so that's why you haven't met the right guy yet. I'm pretty good at this.
DM: Yes, yes you are.

DM: Breadsmith. I bet they make bread there. Ooh. Pumpkin bread. That's the problem. I can't just walk in there and buy a loaf of pumpkin bread.
B: Because you would eat the entire loaf of bread?
DM: Yes.
B: Well, it could be worse. You could buy a loaf of pumpkin bread and then eat a loaf of onion bread. That would be disturbing (or confusing. I don't hear well).

DM: We could go to the tatto shop and I could pick out my next tattoo.
B: What about my next tattoo?
DM: Oh, your tattoo too.
B: Laughs.

We then start saying tattoo too, tattoo too over and over again. Because we are dorks.

And then we started playing 20 questions. After about 40 questions, I was about ready to hit her because I could not figure out who the person she was talking about was.

DM: Let's go stalk James. I bet he would know.

James calls. Beth is talking to him.

DM: Give me the phone.

Beth does.

DM: Okay, we're playing 20 questions and Beth is driving me crazy. I need a famous actress who is blonde, married to a famous actor and is on a cable television show.
James: Kyra Sedgewick. The Closer.
DM: Kyra Sedgewick? Kyra Sedgewick? She picks Kyra frickin' Sedgewick? Oh my God. Who is she married to?
James: Kevin Bacon.
DM: What? Kevin Bacon? I didn't know Kevin Bacon was married. No one told me.
James: I am sorry they did not announce their wedding to you.

I went on in this vein for quite some time. Beth giggled. James laughed at me. I might have sworn some more.

We did not meet up with James and Liz but instead drove around some and laughed and played more 20 questions and had a great time. It was a good night. Did you have a good weekend? Was Kyra Sedgewick involved? Did you know she was married to Kevin Bacon?

Updated:

Also, from co-worker Eric, the following conversation.

DM: Pig got married this morning.
Eric: Who?
DM: Pig!

Pig, for those of you not in the know, is my piggy bank. I wrote a haiku about him once. I bought him because I was going to use him to save up for my trip to Vegas for my sister's wedding. Haiku is as follows.

I have a piggy.
His name is Elvis Vegas.
But I call him Pig.

Anyway, last night at Super Target, I saw Pigette (she is pink and is wearing a tiarra and a tutu (I can't find a picture of her online. Stupid Target)). Quite adorable.

Eric comes and looks at Pig and Pigette, standing proudly next to each other.

Eric: You know, sometimes I come here and I am in real world (walks towards where Co-worker John and Co-worker Rykken sit) and then Fairy World (walks towards my cubicle). Real world, Fairy World.
DM: You know I'm blogging this, right?
Eric. Figured.