Eh. It's a bullet point kind of day.

• Seriously I think there is nothing more annoying than listening to one of my co-workers talk about her grandchildren. Not so much because I don't like kids but she has to repeat, word for word, what they've said or done. And she uses baby-talk. Grr. After you hear, for the 30th time, that her grandson calls her granddaughter Haywee because he can't say Hayley, you tend to get a little frustrated. I mean, I know I talk about Eddy a lot and his tendency to mrow at us but I don't say it to everyone that passes by. I certainly don't go and seek people out and yammer at them in cat talk.
• I should be thrilled to death that it has been slow at work and, really, I am, but it's also so boring. I cannot wait until November 1st when the new job starts. Hopefully I will also get lots and lots of reports to do. Reports are fun. Especially when they involve Excel.
• Keem heard back about job number 3. She didn't even get an interview. However, job number 4 was the lucky number. She is now the newest member of the help desk, which helps customer service reps with calls and also takes escalated calls. They also do research so it is a job that is incredibly suited to her. She also starts on November 1st. Our hours will switch from 7-3:30 to 9:30-6. Not as thrilled about the later hours but it is going to be nice not dragging myself out of bed at 5:45 every morning.
• My desk is empty. Well, as empty as my desk can be. All my fun stuff is packed away, waiting to be rearranged on my new desk. I can't wait. New desks are fun and exciting and involve arranging things just so...plus I found my cubicle sweet cubicle sign. Yay!
• Pomegranate Green Tea is not as exciting as I thought it would be. Eric's right. Green tea does kind of taste like grass.
• I will miss not sitting in the same row as Co-worker Eric. I will also miss Co-worker John and Co-worker Rykken. It's not like I can't come up to the counter to see them but still, who will I talk to about Heroes? Who will laugh at me when I am being thwarted by my cork board? Who will refer to my desk as Fairy Land?
• I have cramps. I am not pleased. I suppose I could take some ibuprofen but that always seems to not help much. Plus my purse is too far away. Okay, it is only a foot but still...and yes, sometimes I really am that lazy. Rolling across floor in wheelie office chair is fun though so here I go...ibuprofen achieved. Retreat, cramps, retreat!
• Today is Beth's birthday. Happy birthday, Beth! Yay! To celebrate, we are going to the Best! Steakhouse! Ever! to have steak. Mmm. Steak. I will be partaking of the Bludgeon of Beef again. My mouth is starting to water already.
• We are also going to spend the entire weekend scrapbooking. This will be fun. It would be more fun if I would actually develop pictures but the pictures are on my computer and I can't get to them yet. My room is kind of messy and the path doesn't go that far.
• Do not, if you can at all avoid it, read the book "What came before he shot her" by Elizabeth George. It's so very sad. I will definitely recommend "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman. Just finished rereading it and am now working on "Anansi Boys" which is the sequel. I love Neil Gaiman.
• Break is over. Must work now. Yay, work. Have a good day. And a spectacular weekend.

Look! It's a new Meme!

Because I still have nothing to say. Except that "I got a new job! Yay me!" Oh, right, I mentioned that before. Keem, however, did not get job 2 of 4 jobs applied for. Keem is unhappy right now. Let's all pray/appeal to higher power/think happy, empowering thoughts that Keem does get a new job as well because right now it is very tough on her self-confidence to keep being told how great she is and then passed over for someone who has been here less time and has less qualifications. Poor Keem. It is very sad.

Anyway, enough about work. Here is a meme that Patti tagged me for, which I am grateful because, as I said, nothing really to talk about here that isn't about my shiny new job or the fact that I think bras are evil and should be outlawed. Ha! That was random, wasn't it? Weren't expecting that!

Yeah, I'm going to just bring you the meme and shut up now. I think of done this before but don't care. My answers always change and/or become longer. Because that is the power of Dana.*

*I may have overdosed on happy pills. I've been remembering to take them and, well, sometimes the power of happy pills can be a little frightening.

Four Jobs I’ve Held:

Orange Julius orange wrangler (Sounds exciting, doesn’t it? It’s not. And that wasn’t my official title; I can’t remember what we were called. Peons, perhaps?)

Customer Service Rep (many, many times, including now. It is odd that I like customer service when I really don’t like people that much (Okay, before you do the whole “but we’re people. If you don’t like people, you don’t like us” let me just explain to you what I have told Beth and Keem. You don’t count. You’re cool. I don’t like people as a whole but I like individual people. Persons if you will. And I have mentioned that I thought I’d make a great hermit before if it wasn’t for the fact that caves rarely have cable or internet (although Batman probably does. I could move in with Batman. I’ve always wanted to be a crime fighter)))

Office Manager (Worst job ever. I’ve posted about this before but my boss was a complete dictator who didn’t like it that I alphabetized. Excuse me? You’re upset because I’m efficient? WTF? Or, in alphabetical order, FTW?)

Cotton Candy maker (I hate cotton candy. I despise it. It tastes horrible, smells even worse when you’re making it and, when you give it to small children, makes them insane on a sugar high. Plus, when you’ve spent the entire day making it, you become covered with it. There is cotton candy in your hair. There is sugar in your pockets. When you step into the shower, you will start melting.

Four Films I Could Watch Over and Over:

The Imposters
So I Married an Axe Murderer
Big Trouble in Little China
Big Trouble (the movie based on the novel Dave Barry wrote)

If you got the idea that I prefer comedy, you would be correct.

Four TV Shows I Watch:

Burn Notice
Heroes
How I Met Your Mother
America’s Next Top Model (I have to get my drama somewhere. There is nothing more dramatic than a bunch of skinny girls who think they are the greatest thing in the world and it turns out, that uh, no you’re not. The one we’re rooting for this year is Heather who has a mild case of autism (there’s a fancy name for it but I can’t spell it and I’m too lazy to Google it). And Lisa who is an exotic dancer and all the other girls are “You know the Next Top Model isn’t going to be a stripper (Yeah, well, honey, she’s got way more poise and grace in her little toe than you do in your entire body). We’re so great, blah, blah, blah.” And Miss J both fascinates and repels me a little bit)

Four Places I’ve Lived:

Mahtomedi, MN
Saint Paul, MN
North Saint Paul, MN
Madison, WI

Four Favorite Foods:

Turkey burgers (I know. Who knew they could be so yummy?)
Real, juicy, made from a cow, hamburgers (I could kill for Fuddruckers. I won’t because that would be wrong and then I’d go to jail and I’m pretty sure they don’t have Fuddruckers in jail. Or Ruby Tuesdays)
Bread (not that I’ve had any lately. I haven’t had bread in weeks)
Au Gratin potatoes (sigh. Why are all my favorite foods starches? Why?)

Four Websites I Visit Daily:
I really don’t visit websites daily but these are ones that I do when I’m at work, when I’m most on the internet.
Bloglines.com (and look! You’re all there!)
Popcap.com (Peggle is addicting and wrong. Even more so than Alchemy)
Google
Go Fug Yourself.com (they always have a post and I’m sorry but I enjoy their sense of humor and it is nice to look at both pretty and really scary clothing)

Four Favorite Colors:

Pink
Brown (with pink)
Blue and Purple plaid
Orange

Four Places I Would Love to be Right Now:

Portugal
China (They have Pandas! (plus Keem and I watch Survivor China and it is pretty)
Italy
Las Vegas

Four Names I Love, But Could/Would Not Use for My Children:

Henri (pronounced On-ri)
Dmitri Aloysius
Willow (Hi, honey, I named you after a tree! And a movie! And a witch on Buffy! What do you mean, you hate me?)
Adelaide

Halloween Meme and an exciting update

Nothing that exciting going on here except that I have been sick and by sick I mean suffering from some sort of plague that has turned my life into an adventure. Not Adventure In Babysitting but more of an adventure titled Will Dana Make It To The Bathroom In Time? And the answer is, for those of you dying to know, is No. Not always. That is all I am going to say about this except for the fact that you know, maybe Pepper Jack cheese is not the best breakfast choice.

Still waiting to hear about the QA position.* Keem did not get the Supervisor position (either one of them) but did have her interview for Training and that appeared to go well.

*No longer waiting to hear about the QA position. I got it!!!!!! Yay! I am very excited. I start officially on November 1st.

Anyway, stole this from Miss Melissa because it was fun and I needed something to do. I am bored, bored, bored because I don't have any new books to read. Well, that's not true, I do have some but they are not what I want to read. I want something witty and fun and joyful, not a depressing book about some 12 year old who had a really crappy life and then shot someone. I'm the type of person that has to finish a book once I start it but I am really tempted to stop before it gets any more soul-wrenching. It's well written but my God, I just want to scoop this poor kid up and save him.

What’s the scariest movie you’ve ever seen?

I don’t like gore so I very rarely ever watch it. Some of the ones that really have freaked me out were “Scary Movie 3 (I know it was a spoof on Scary Movies but it was still scary so shut up)”, “The Eyes of Laura Mars (saw it when I was 12, about a woman who can see through the eyes of a killer)”, “Stir of Echoes (my sister insisted on watching it and so I hung out in the bathroom and watched part of it through the crack in the door)” and “The Watcher in the Woods.” That one was very frightening. It had a very psychological feel to it and was spooky more than scary. I still can remember parts of it and it just creeped me out. Best scary movie ever? The Spiral Staircase. Black and white movie about a serial killer who is after women with deformities. The main character is a woman who can’t talk due to a traumatic event and he is after her as well.

What was your favorite Halloween costume as a child?

I don’t remember. My favorite costume as an adult was Queen of the Universe. Complete with stars velcroed onto my shirt, construction paper crown, etc.

Given enough money what would be your fantasy Halloween costume?

Queen of the Universe. But, you know, there would be the actual Queen of the Universe salary to go with the costume. And real stars. I would SPARKLE!

When was the last time you went trick-or-treating?

How am I expected to remember this? Um, yesterday when I hit up Keem’s candy dish?

What is your favorite Halloween candy?

I’m quite fond of the mini Reese’s peanut butter cups but I also like milk duds. Pretty much as long as the chocolate is covering something, I like it. Plain chocolate? Blech.

Tell us about a scary nightmare you once had?

Oh, there was the one where the neighbors had an evil old man living in their basement and he had a giant oven where he would cremate people. There was the evil woman who turned all of her rivals into statues (that was probably after seeing some stupid movie about Heracles and how this woman turned her lovers into statues after she was done with them but lost out on his love so she dove into the statue making stuff herself). There were the aliens. There was the serial killer…have I mentioned that I have an overactive imagination?

What is your supernatural fear?

I’m afraid of vampires. They’re out there. Lurking. But if the vampires happen to be Angel and/or Spike, I’m okay with them. And Henry from Blood Ties. He's kind of hot. I like the cop better though.

What is your ‘creepy-crawly’ fear?

Clowns. Insects. Republicans (oh, like you’d be able to resist listing that).

Tell us about a time when you saw a ghost, or heard something go bump in the night?

So my friend LeeAnn and I have this apartment in North Saint Paul. One night I’m in the living room and I see something out of the corner of my eye. Someone (I assume it is LeeAnn) is going to the bathroom. This happens on and off for a few hours. Either she is really thirsty or has the bladder the size of a pea. But for some reason, something compels me to stare straight at the television and not turn my head at all.

The next morning I ask her why she kept visiting the bathroom. The answer? “I didn’t leave my room once I went to bed.” Then she asks me why I came into her room and shut her window. Uh, I didn’t. Sure enough, the window over her bed is shut, the one across the room is still open. Odd. Plus, she said that when this person came into the room, LeeAnn found herself unable to open her eyes.

We figured out we had a ghost, not overly surprising, it is an apartment complex, I’m sure someone has died here. I name him Mr. Ghost. Sometimes I can see him out of the corner of my eye. Mainly he just hung around and rattles the door when he wanted to leave the room (Figures I have the only ghost in the history of ghosthood who cannot walk through walls). And before you say it’s the wind, all the windows were closed.

Would you stay overnight in a real haunted house?

Depends. Are the ghosts friendly? Or are they the type to fly around and try to scare you out of the house? Friendly I can handle. Scary and I do not mix well.

Are you a traditionalist or a creative carver of your Jack-O’Lantern?

I would like to say that I am creative and that my pumpkins are fantastic and you will see them on those emails that get forwarded around to everyone but the truth is that I’m not very artistic. My pumpkins, even the traditional ones, look like a slightly deranged 2 year old got a hold of a knife.

How much do you decorate your house at Halloween?

Don’t. I have a fake pumpkin somewhere. Keem decorates her desk. Does that count?

What do you want on your tombstone?

Pepperoni and Sausage. Yes, yes, dumb joke. Sorry.

No, actually I found this quote that I absolutely loved and I would like that on my tombstone.

Don't cry because it's over - smile because it happened. – Dr. Seuss.

Is that not the most fitting thing ever?

Anyway, if you want to do this, go ahead. Let me know because I like memes. I am a dork.

Good morning, starshine! AKA I am going to kill Sheryl because this song is still stuck in my head! After six days!

ogl


I think I will leave that there and you will all wonder what cryptic code I am leaving for you. Here's a hint. I was trying to access bloglines and blogger popper up at the same time so I ended up typing it here. But it could be spy lingo. Should I quote to you from Burn Notice which is becoming one of my Favorite! Shows! Ever! Yes, I should.


Michael Westen: I've found that if you ever need to make fake C4, cake icing, or fondant, as it is known in the baking world, works the best.


That might not be an exact quote but still, how can you not love this? Michael is the perfect man, handsome, deadly and with a good sense of humor. And then there is Sam, played by my beloved Bruce Campbell (I have many beloved actors. Deal with it). Keem says this show is like McGyver for spies because Michael is always doing this little voiceovers about how you can make powerful magnets to destroy an enemy's computer or make a listening device from a cell phone. Don't know whether it would work or not but still, lots of fun.


Anyway, let's move away from Burn Notice and concentrate on other stuff...

• I did not get the job I last applied for, as an Account Associate. This is okay. I had pretty much decided if I didn't get it, I would be fine. I love my department and really want to stick around and not move to another floor.
• My manager, new Cheryl, got the position. So she is a job thief and an abandoner! She giggles every time I tell her this. It is fun.
• NABABNA recently accquired some new business so we are growing as a Stock Transfer department. Because of that, there are tons of new positions opening up. Keem has applied for 3 of them, I have applied for one - Quality Assurance. I love QA. It is the most important part of customer service, as far as I'm concerned. If you aren't providing the right information, it doesn't really matter what you do. I had my interview today. Keem is going to have a casual interview for the Team Manager position today, I wish her much luck. There's also a training position she is interested in and one for another department but I don't understand what they do. Anyway, please send the bloggy mojo my way!
• I put my pills in front of my computer so now, when the little reminder goes off, I look at it and then at my pills. Now that they are not hiding it the drawer, it is easier to remember them.

Anyway, that's pretty much it. I'll be making the blog rounds in the next day or so. Hope you're all well!

10 reasons why I want to go back to bed (and a few reasons why I'm staying up)

Numbers are why I'm in a mood. Letters are why my mood is lessening.

1. People are cranky. Yes, I understand we are busy. Yes, I understand that we made a mistake. How about you shut up long enough for me to do my job, bad word that starts with a b? Huh? You think you can do that? And offering to buy reading glasses for the Approval department is not making me want to help you.

2. Lady, I am sorry that you had to wait on the phone but no, there is not a way that we can get the automated system to recognize that you are calling from Ohio. The recording is going to give you the address. No one is saying you have to come here to get the direct deposit form. And, you know what? If you shut your trap, maybe I'll order it for you.

3. I want Mountain Dew. Eric was supposed to buy me Mountain Dew. He says he forgot but I am thinking he is one of those "Dana needs to eat/drink healthy" people. Grr. And, yes, I am too lazy to go and get it myself. What's your point?

A. Free breakfast today. There was bacon. I love bacon. Bacon is quite possibly the most perfect meat.

4. Just figured out that I forgot to take my pills for the last couple days. Hmm. Could be behind the crankiness. I really need to come up with a better system other than having people say "Oh my God, you're being such a bitch. Take your pills." You'd think the Outlook reminder I set up would be enough.

B. Josh is 4 today. I get to go to Chuckie Cheese and see my seriously excited nephew. This should be cool. I hope there are decent video games.

5. I haven't done laundry in approximately two weeks. I am not looking forward to it. I'm supposed to it tonight but Kari frowned on the thought of me missing Josh's birthday for laundry. I suppose I can do a load or two before she comes to pick me up.

C. Remember the crazy woman from a few weekends ago? Yeah, turns out that her boyfriend lives on the 24th floor, not the 27th and he's in the process of being evicted. So I got asked to go to court tomorrow with the office staff in case the judge has questions about what happened. I get off of work early AND get to see our justice system in process. This is awesome.

6. My lunch is almost over. I am less than pleased. Lunch should last forever. I need to find out a way to get paid for blogging and playing Age of Empires. Any suggestions?

D. I could only come up with 6 reasons for being cranky. This is good.

E. It's customer service week at work. Monday was Red and Blue day. I got bored holding for the help desk and decided to color my gray hair with a blue marker. And I colored one eyebrow red and one blue. And I drew little red and blue circles all over my hands. Yesterday was pajamas day so I wore pajamas and put my CO Bigelow Purifying Clay mask all over my face. Today is sports day. We were supposed to dress up and show our support for our favorite teams. My favorite team? The X-Men. Super Heroism can be considered a sport. I bought florescent hair color in yellow (looks more green) and did the X-Men logo in eyeliner on my cheeks. Apparently customer service week means Draw on Dana's face! Works for me.

Hope you're all having a better day than I am. Although I do feel better now. Venting really does work for me.

Saint Paul Ink

So last night Beth and I went to Octoberfest at the Happy Gnome and it was, in a word, awesome. There was roast pig and music (granted, it was Martin Zeller and while he appears to be very talented, he sounds like Bob Dylan. But in a less annoying way (I am not overly fond of Bob Dylan). However, this made him difficult to understand. The guitar playing was nice, though) and people watching. There was beef brisket as well. Yummy beef brisket. I did not eat a bun with my pork or brisket. I did have potato salad because, damn it, I like it.

Plus Bryan and Liz were there and we like them. The Happy Gnome is the restaurant that Liz works at and Bryan was helping out by selling beer. There was lots of beer. I don't understand the concept of beer but apparently it is important to have at Octoberfest. There were 4 beers that were called Something Octoberfest. That's just not very original, people. I was intrigued by the New Holland Pumpkin Ale but then I remembered that Ale, like Beer, is disgusting. Bryan had a pumpkin on his table that had a hole and the word Tips carved into it. Apparently people would walk by, see the pumpkin and decide to tip him, even if they didn't buy beer from him. He's quite ingenious. Beth and I also tipped him. Because he gave me milk duds (well, that's not why we tipped him but he is our friend and we would have bought beer from him except that it is disgusting).

We were supposed to hook up with Liz and James after Octoberfest so Beth and I decided to drive around, looking for something to do. Our something to do ended up that we drove around and looked at businesses (they fascinate me. It's so intriguing to look at a name of something and wonder why they do. I mean, the ones that aren't called such and such Chiropractic) and I babbled a lot and Beth laughed at me.

DM: We could go to Minneapolis and get our palms read.
B: We could.
DM: I'm sure they have a psychic somewhere.

Later...

DM: I really want to go get my palm read now.
B: Hmm. Let me see your palm.

I extend my hand.

B: I see you have a long life line and you would have more money if you stopped spending it on frivolous things.
DM: True.
B: Oh, and your love line starts later so that's why you haven't met the right guy yet. I'm pretty good at this.
DM: Yes, yes you are.

DM: Breadsmith. I bet they make bread there. Ooh. Pumpkin bread. That's the problem. I can't just walk in there and buy a loaf of pumpkin bread.
B: Because you would eat the entire loaf of bread?
DM: Yes.
B: Well, it could be worse. You could buy a loaf of pumpkin bread and then eat a loaf of onion bread. That would be disturbing (or confusing. I don't hear well).

DM: We could go to the tatto shop and I could pick out my next tattoo.
B: What about my next tattoo?
DM: Oh, your tattoo too.
B: Laughs.

We then start saying tattoo too, tattoo too over and over again. Because we are dorks.

And then we started playing 20 questions. After about 40 questions, I was about ready to hit her because I could not figure out who the person she was talking about was.

DM: Let's go stalk James. I bet he would know.

James calls. Beth is talking to him.

DM: Give me the phone.

Beth does.

DM: Okay, we're playing 20 questions and Beth is driving me crazy. I need a famous actress who is blonde, married to a famous actor and is on a cable television show.
James: Kyra Sedgewick. The Closer.
DM: Kyra Sedgewick? Kyra Sedgewick? She picks Kyra frickin' Sedgewick? Oh my God. Who is she married to?
James: Kevin Bacon.
DM: What? Kevin Bacon? I didn't know Kevin Bacon was married. No one told me.
James: I am sorry they did not announce their wedding to you.

I went on in this vein for quite some time. Beth giggled. James laughed at me. I might have sworn some more.

We did not meet up with James and Liz but instead drove around some and laughed and played more 20 questions and had a great time. It was a good night. Did you have a good weekend? Was Kyra Sedgewick involved? Did you know she was married to Kevin Bacon?

Updated:

Also, from co-worker Eric, the following conversation.

DM: Pig got married this morning.
Eric: Who?
DM: Pig!

Pig, for those of you not in the know, is my piggy bank. I wrote a haiku about him once. I bought him because I was going to use him to save up for my trip to Vegas for my sister's wedding. Haiku is as follows.

I have a piggy.
His name is Elvis Vegas.
But I call him Pig.

Anyway, last night at Super Target, I saw Pigette (she is pink and is wearing a tiarra and a tutu (I can't find a picture of her online. Stupid Target)). Quite adorable.

Eric comes and looks at Pig and Pigette, standing proudly next to each other.

Eric: You know, sometimes I come here and I am in real world (walks towards where Co-worker John and Co-worker Rykken sit) and then Fairy World (walks towards my cubicle). Real world, Fairy World.
DM: You know I'm blogging this, right?
Eric. Figured.

I'm trying to come up with something to write about...

Hello, everybody (I cannot type that without thinking about the Simpsons. You can all chorus back with "Hi, Dr. Nick, okay?)!

So my life has been fairly uneventful since the Trifecta of WTF this weekend. I did go to the doctor on Tuesday and that was fun and exciting with all the new and exciting things that I get to do.

I did not lose one fricking pound. Not one. I gave up beef, people (well, for the most part). I am eating rice cakes! How can I not lose a pound? On the plus side, I didn't gain a pound either so that is good. However, I am choosing to blame the scale (the lovely nurse whose name I can not remember says she hates that scale as well so that's okay).

I must get an eye exam (yes, I know. I will. I promise. I'm thinking possibly red Buddy Holly glasses. What do you think? Any suggestions?).

I was offered the chance to get the blood sugar under control by using injectable insulin. Did I want to start that? If you think my response was a big HELL NO, you would be correct. I hate needles. The gluco stuff seems to be working and there is progress. My blood sugar level is slowly inching its way down (last night was 156. Can we all say wahoo! Yes, we can!) and the medicine isn't making me sick, which is good because I seem to be allergic to just about any other medicine there is.

I need to get a tetnaus shot (I just know that isn't spelled right. Tetenaus? Tetnes? What does spell check say? Oh. Tetanaus. I guess that makes sense).

I also need to get a flu shot. I've gone many years without a flu shot, thank you very much. But apparently it is very important that I get one. I looked at Deb and said to her "What is this fascination you have with jabbing me with needles?" She laughed.

But other than that, all is good. I am eating much better, I feel better, I took the advice on the finger poking and yesterday had a gusher (too much blood for me to even consider popping the finger into my mouth) so learned my lesson about doing the tricks on the fingers that work well. Won't do that again.

I had my monthly review today and you'll all be pleased to know that I am totally awesome. Even my ACW (after call work (I'm only listing this here because it will make Beth freak)) is good at an average of 55 seconds to 1:15 per call. My Quality is good, I do lots of projects, everyone loves me. We are going through some changes here because we recently received some major companies as clients so that could mean potential excellent jobs. Keeping my eyes open. Don't get me wrong, I love what I'm doing but I'm not really sure I can handle a 4th tax season.

Hope you're all well. I'll be making the rounds later, behind on my blog reading. Sorry! Much love!

Isn't there a curse about this?

I'm pretty sure there is an ancient Chinese curse that says "May you live in Interesting Times." Sheesh, I don't know who I ticked off lately but back off, already.


This was my weekend. In bullet points, because that just makes everything more exciting.

• Keem decides to leave me and head home to La Crosse for the weekend (it might be Lacrosse but I can never remember correctly). We had been talking about going to the Ren Fest but hey, no big. Maybe I'll call Beth and see if she wants to scrapbook Saturday night.


• Or not. Maybe instead I will break out in hives again. I think I might have grabbed a shirt that wasn't rewashed or maybe someone hates me. Fortunately I did take a Benadryl right away (bless you, makers of Benadryl) and the hives were stopped in their tracks. The itching wasn't but I didn't end up covered in big red and white blotches. I did learn an important fact. If you start bleeding, you are scratching too hard.


• I spent the evening eating a huge Caesar salad w/chicken breast from Quizno's (and yes, I do know that Caesar dressing is terribly fattening and not really good for you but I don't care. Their dressing is quite possibly the best dressing ever. It is peppercorn flavored crack. I would inhale it if, you know, it wasn't a liquid and would cause me to start choking) and playing Age of Empires III. When I wasn't watching the Burn Notice marathon on USA and wondering who is cuter, Michael who is played by some guy I don't know or Sam who is played by Bruce Campbell. Mmm, Bruce Campbell. Ahoy indeed (Old Spice commercial reference to those who think I may have gone insane). Oh and petting the cat and telling him that I'm sorry that Keem has abandoned him but Life will go on. He is not convinced.


• Saturday. Not so much itchy but feeling sick to my stomach, sniffly, coughing. Cancel the thought of going scrapbooking.


• You know what would be good at 8:45 PM? Parsnips! Parsnips sliced thinly and sauteed in a little butter. Yummy.


• Did I just hear a knock at the door?


• Yes, I did. Do I know this woman (as I peer out the peep hole)? I don't think I do but she just waved so maybe I do. I will open the door.


• Okay, don't know her. She is a low talker so I can't understand a single thing she is saying except "boyfriend" and "hiding." Is her boyfriend abusive? She needs a place to hide? I'm not sure I feel comfortable with this.


• Hey! Wait a second! I didn't invite you in. You can't just walk in! This is against all the rules! Well, you're not a vampire, at least.


• The next 15-20 minutes are spent figuring out that no, actually, she's not hiding from her boyfriend. She's hiding from the police! I am harboring a fugitive! Oh my GOD! Grab large knife to chop parsnips with. Stay in kitchen with hot saucepan and knife where I can beat the heck out of her if needed. She wanders around and talks about how she was a cheerleader at South Saint Paul High, her life took a downward spiral after her husband tried to kill her and suceeded in killing himself, her name is Gina, her boyfriend is 54 to her 32. She doesn't know how to sit properly in a chair and manages to fall out of it and knock it over. Eddy doesn't like her and takes off. She makes a few phone calls and then cries a lot after she talks to her mom.


• Okay, enough is enough. Get out. I tell her I am expecting someone to come over and need to start getting ready. You have to leave.


• She's gone. Parsnips are done. Eat parsnips.


• Don't call cops or building security because, hello, that would make sense.


• Go back and play Age of Empires. Die, you British scum! Die! You can't make me tell you where the Fountain of Youth is!


• Sunday. Eat more parsnips. Talk to Kari. Talk to Keem. Talk to my Mom. All are stunned that I didn't report crazy lady. Get lectured. Keem is on her way home. Yay!


• Keem is home. Lecture, lecture, lecture. Lecture. Lecture, lecture, lecture. Don't let strange people into the house, Dana. Got it.


• Don't feel good. Really don't feel good. What's wrong? Dizzy. Headachy. Nauseated. I'd check to see what my blood sugar level is but guess what? I forgot my monitor at work. I am an idiot.
• Call Beth. Can't go out. Really don't feel good. Is it a cold? I don't know.
• Eat something (turkey burgers with carrots). Feel somewhat better but still achey, sneezy, etc. Keem tells me I am probably getting sick combined with possible low blood sugar and hey, if I start feeling like this again, maybe I should eat something. Yes, ma'am.
• Go to bed. Sleep.

That was my weekend. Odd. Weird. Somewhat frightening at one point. Hope yours was less eventful OR was eventful in a good way.

And I called the apartment office and reported Crazy Lady. Apparently she has a habit of this. She doesn't live in the building but her boyfriend does. He's being evicted for reasons just like this, as Marcia put it "His life has taken a chemical turn." Hmm, can you say drugs? I can! And Marcia was on her way to go to court to get him out because he's fighting the eviction. AND! Get this. He lives on the 24th floor! What was she doing on my floor? Weirdness!

I've decided on a new category to explain stuff like this. Risky Business, one of the only movies I liked Tom Cruise in, has one of my favorite quotes. Miles, the guy who also played Booger in the Revenge of the Nerds movies, is freaking out just a tad about their adventure. Miles is also the guy who advises Tom Cruise's character that sometimes you just have to say What the F*ck. So this quote really sums up some of the things that happen to me. "I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp."

Whine, whine, whine

An open letter to my body:

Dear body,

I have the strips to monitor my glucose level now. This is good. What is not good is that you decide to release a very miserly amount of blood, not enough to fill up the strip and then I have to use a new one. Fortunately I have 100 strips and unlimited refills until next year. However, this is no excuse. I don't like needles. It takes awhile to get up the nerve to jab myself. Please start cooperating.

And what is up with the gigantic cold sore? Or should I say 3 cold sores? All clustered in the same area? All red and puffy and glaringly obvious? Let's quote Mitch Hedberg here. "When I get a cold sore, I put Carmex on it, because Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores. I don't know if it does help, but it will make them more shiny and noticeable. It's like cold-sore-highlighter. Maybe they could come up with an arrow that heals cold sores."

I would also like to be more alert during the day. I'm not a big fan of coffee so if you could cooperate here, that would be great.

I do appreciate your decision to actually like the following healthy items - rice cakes, low-carb tortilla wraps (so good I may never eat bread again), ground turkey, fat free chocolate milk and etc. Now if we could work up a way to burn calories while blogging, that would be great. Get on that for me, okay?

Thanks for your time,

Dana

Monitorings are good - 208, 205, 177, 198 this morning. Sticking to the diet (wait! Don't use that word. You know how the body reacts to that word. It's a lifestyle change! Change! Not diet! Look body, here's something shiny!) for the most part. A slip or two but nothing major. Things are good. Well, except for this cold sore. And I have to do laundry tonight. Laundry sucks.

How are you all?

Thief! Thief! AKA as I stole a meme

Brought to you from the lovely and talented Miss Melissa who is my favorite word nerd ever (but still hasn't emailed me so I can give her the bookmarks I lovingly crafted for her. Sob!).

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)

Sassy. Or Susie Boy. Notice the lack of a last name. Non-existent El Caminos don't count.


2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)

Light Mint Chip Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip. Somehow I find it hard to believe anyone would be feel threatened by that.

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)

D-Vit. Yeah. That's exciting.

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)

Pink Kitty. Yay! Missy and I have the same name. But when we open up the detective agency, I figure we'll avoid confusion if I'm known as Hot Pink Cat.

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Marie Saint Paul - she just sounds so haughty, doesn't she? And rich. Rich is good.

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)

I should refuse to do this due to my hatred for Star Wars but maybe we'll pretend this is my Star Trek name.

Vitda. From the planet of Voluptuous Vixens (hey, I can dream).

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)

The Orange/Purple Water. Yes, not only am I confused and fluctuate between favorite colors, what is my super power? Getting the Super Villain's clothes really, really clean?

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)

Ralph Frederick. Oh, yeah. That just spells classy.

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)

Incognito Skor (they don't make Incognito anymore so I don't know if this counts but it is still my favorite). Haiku Skor (if we're going to be technical and demand my now favorite).

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )

Ann Earle. Yeah, you know what? I'll face the mob. That just sounds boring.

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)

I don't remember my 5th grade teacher's name. I'm old, people! How about my favorite high school teacher's name? Lambert Lisbon (yes, I could go with Los Angeles but that just sounds dumb. Like Lambert Lisbon sounds so much better).

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)

Spring Daisy. Missy's is Summer Daisy. Obviously we would work for the same organization.

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + "ie" or "y")

Boysenberry Skirtie. Well, okay, I don't actually eat Boysenberries but I like the jelly. So I suppose it would be Pineapple Skirtie. Because that sounds normal.

14. HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)

Cheese Willow. I think Missy might be my long-lost younger sister. Because her favorite tree is also the Willow. Although she gets the cool name Java Willow. I'm stuck with Cheese. Guess I won't be a hippie anytime soon.

15. YOUR ROCK STAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)

The Playing Computer Roleplaying Games Obsessively Lightning Tour. Yeah, I'm such a dork. Why I chose this over Scrapbooking or Reading, I don't know.

By the way, we're not going to discuss supper last night. It is possible I may have cheated a small bit. But! Instead of ordering 3 tacos and 2 steak taquitos and cheesy fiesta potatoes and a large Baja Blast, instead I only got 2 Cheesy Beefy Melts and a small Baja Blast. So it was a much better choice and I didn't feel like I was going to throw up from eating too much later.

Breakfast was Cheese and Table Water Crackers. No lunch. Not hungry because of the big breakfast. Or not in the mood for soup. One of the two. Still no strips. Getting them tonight.

See you!

Wearing with pride

Beth came home yesterday after her trip with her mom (11 states in 8 days. Amazing) and we went to Perkins for a short time. She told me lots of stories and showed me some pictures. Really looking forward to seeing the rest of them. We also met up with Liz and James at Ol' Mexico last night.

Anyway, they were both thinking of me when they were at the Clinton Presidential Library and her mom, Laurie, bought me a polo shirt. It is a deep purple with the gold presidential seal and the number 42 over it. Other than being the meaning of life, 42 also refers to Bill Clinton being the 42nd president. I'm wearing it today and remembering when he was president and how much better everything was. I miss him. I wish he was still president. I remember when America was actually liked by other countries. He was just such a cool guy, still is, of course, but it was nice to be proud of your president. Unlike now.

Tomorrow I might wear my t-shirt Beth got me from Beale Street and then I will think about BBQ and how I would really like to have some brisket right now. Unless, of course, I've been arrested for saying something negative about George W. I saw a pretty cool bumper sticker today. It was a picture of a cell phone and underneath it, it said "One Nation Under Surveillance." I couldn't catch what the cell phone had in the text area but still, I was pretty psyched by it. It is almost as good as the other cell phone bumper sticker I saw about two or three weeks ago which said "Shh! Bush is listening! Use big words."

Sorry, didn't mean to turn this into politics.

No glucose level monitorings. My doctor forgot to fax the prescription for the test strips and they are incredibly expensive so I'd really like my insurance to pay for them. They should be available either tonight or tomorrow. You'll be happy to know that I'm still eating carefully and avoiding a lot of heavy starches. If I do eat a starch, I balance with protein. Lots of vegetables, not much butter (and I looooove butter so this is big for me), barely any bread (also big fan of bread so another sacrifice but hey, it is worth it).

I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach right now but I think it might be because I ate a Hershey's Kiss that was candy corn flavored. Note to self: You don't like candy corn. Why on Earth would you think "Hey! This is candy corn flavored. I should try it." No, you shouldn't. Candy corn is bad.

Plus, didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Really weird dream where Beth and Keem and I were adopted by this guy and his evil (possibly twin) brother was trying to take over and get us kicked out of the mansion and then I got frost-bite because our gay brother ditched me to hook up with this really hot guy who called me a fag hag and that was irritating (I do not like that word. And why can't you just say "Hey, this is my straight female friend." It's just insulting to both parties) but hey, hot, so more power to him. And, really, it was probably my fault for running through the snow barefoot. So Keem was lecturing me while she was rubbing snow on my foot. I think you're supposed to do that for frost-bite. Because otherwise, that just strikes me as weird and a little mean. And there was a Santa Claus with a Boston accent that was a doll and our younger brother would talk to the doll and tell us what he said and would do the accent. I kind of remember the rest but it is even weirder than this so I'm going to leave it alone before you all have me locked up.

I am now going to let you know how bad I am with Geography. Last night we were counting the amount of states we've been to (James has been to 49. Bastard. Everyone but Hawaii) and I was having some difficulty.

DM: Have we established where Michigan is yet?
Beth (after long silent pause): We know where Michigan is, Dana.
DM: Well, I know it's that way (pointed to my right) but do you go to Michigan to get to Chicago?
Beth: No.
DM: Okay, haven't been there. Is there anything between the Dakotas and Wyoming?
Beth: Oh, good Lord.

Yeah. I'm not proud. Amused but not proud. Hope you all had a good weekend. I also told James he was the most irritating man I ever had the displeasure to meet. He laughed. I'm not sure why he irritated me. It might have had something to do with movies.

Johnny, sorry I missed your call. I was in and out all weekend.

Just one of the reasons why I love working here

Hello - DM's blog has been hijacked. Actually, this is Beth helping out. I am removing a portion of DM's post (below is her writing) because it might cost a job or something. I am helping DM. Have fun! Be good! Encourage her to be good about watching her food. It dances.

CHICKEN!

****

Thursday, September 13th
Dinner - 2 brats (no buns), carrots and onions lightly sauteed in butter (freaking awesome). I did not have the extra brat or any ice cream, although I really, really wanted some. I resisted the urge and it didn't kill me.
Glucose monitoring - 177 (which is awesome except I forgot to do the reading at 2 hours after eating and instead checked at 10 PM so it doesn't really count)

Friday, September 14th
Breakfast - 2 brats (no buns), cheese slices on table water crackers, two yogurts. For some reason I was extra hungry this morning so I just ate my lunch and breakfast together. I might regret this at lunch time but I guess we'll see.
No monitoring - ran out of test strips.

Nothing really new, unless you count the hail storm

Keem and I went to my doctor's office this morning for a class on dealing with Diabetes. It was interesting. Most of the stuff we talked about I already knew from Weight Watchers and it just convinced Keem and I that we either need to go back or start following the program on our own. The woman running the class, Janet, said that Weight Watchers is the only program she will recommend because it is based on the American Diabetes something something.

Got caught in a hail storm on the way back. Don't think there was any damage to the car. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

Anyway, hope you're all well. Have a great day.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Dinner - Lettuce, dressing, smattering of cheese and bacon, chicken, sausage
Snack - No snack! Yay! I was full!
Glucose levels - Evening 223 (serious drop! Yay)

Thursday, September 13, 2007
Breakfast - Yogurt (strawberry, blueberry)
Lunch 2 pieces of pizza (very small, just tiny squares), Weight Watchers Swedish meatballs (which were horrible, the meatballs were weird tasting and the noodles were mushy. Won't be buying that again. Lean Cusine's is so much better).
Glucose levels - Morning 236. WTF? Oh, wait, I took this after I already ate some of my yogurt. That makes sense.

Seriously, guys, I'm okay

Hi. Do not laugh but do you know what I'm doing between calls? Searching the Eating Well cookbook to find fun and exciting recipes for me! Because I'm diabetic! Yay! Okay, I know that sounds weird, really I do, but you will not believe how this has galvanized me into action. I had salad last night. And I liked it (although I do really like salad but normally we buy the bagged stuff and then it just sits there. This time we actually bought two different heads of lettuce (romaine and something else but it is a spring green and I love it. Endive? Possibly). Plus Keem made chicken breast to go over it. And tonight we will have salad again. Yay! Salad is good! Plus, instead of eating the entire pint of Haagen Daz's incredibly wonderful Light Mint Chocolate Chip as I am normally wont to do, I only had a 1/4. Save some for later, Dana! You're not going to get this every night as you have done in the past!

I am also aware of the whole carbohydrates = sugar = high blood sugar = BAD! So Keem and I working on cutting out a lot of carbs but not all of them because everyone has to eat carbs. I just can't have as many as I've ate in the past.

Anyway, have to keep track of what I eat and my monitor readings so guess what - you get to see them as well...

September 11, 2007
Brunch (fasting for doctor's appointment) - 3 brats, 1 1/2 buns, onions, mustard
Snack - 10 Juju coins, 1 mini Reese Peanut Butter cup (Elvis style - not bad, actually, considering that there is banana flavoring)
Dinner - Big salad, green onions, smattering of bacon and cheese, Light Done Right 3 Cheese Ranch (best ranch dressing ever), chicken breast
Snack - 1/4 pint of Haagen Daz Light Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream (you would never know that it has half the calories of regular ice cream. It is so good. I'm so used to diet/low fat/low calorie stuff tasting terrible but this is even better than the full-fat version)
Monitorings of glucose level - Morning 225. Evening 286.

September 12, 2007
Breakfast - 2 servings of Dannon Activa yogurt (1 strawberry, 1 blueberry)
Snack - 1 green apple, 1 dollop of caramel (small dollop. The container of caramel is a snack size, very hard to figure out sizes on Simon Delivers unless you know your ounces. I'm learning. I suppose the fact that it was 99 cents should have been a clue)
Lunch - Weight Watcher's Smart One: Creamy Rigatoni with Broccoli & Chicken
Monitorings of glucose level - Morning 258

I'm also on some new medication called glucosogage or something. Hopefully it will help.

Oh, and if you're not reading Geese Aplenty, you should be. He doesn't post often but when he does, oh my Lord, do I start laughing. Here is an example from today's post about giving blood:

Medical assistant who conducted my pre-interview: “Now, be sure to call this number if you get sick over the week and you want to warn us about a potential problem with your donation. For example, let us know if you come down with small pox, malaria, or republicanism.”

The co-workers think I'm insane again.

Well, it's official

I am diabetic. But you know what? I am choosing to think of this as a positive thing. Yes, clearly I have lost my mind but I have never taken my weight gain seriously. I have always thought "You know what? If people don't like me for who I am, they can just bite me (and c'mon, with all the butter and sugar I've eaten over the years, you know I'll be delicious!)." I did not take into consideration what I've been doing to my body. Let's think about this. I have asthma. I have sleep apnea. I have arthritis. I have a heel spur. I have diabetes. I am sure there are more things but let's face it, something has to be done. I know I've said this before but now I have to do something. So you all have permission to whack me on the back of my head if I don't start behaving.

But hey! I lost 5 pounds in the last week. So that's something, right?

You will be pleased to know that I am drinking diet Coke right now. Instead of the yummy Sierra Mist I so adore.

Thursday I get to go to a class on managing Diabetes. Keem is going with me. We placed an order with Simon's Delivers last night and there is lots of vegetables and very little bread/ice cream/fun stuff. Considering how much we hate to grocery shop and always get distracted in the ice cream aisle (okay, that would be me), this will be a good thing as well.

And the thing that I thought would be the worst about this, the whole finger pricking to get blood for the monitor? Yeah, barely hurts at all. I can do this. I will triumph over the evil Sugar! Yummy, delicious sugar...no, no! Bad sugar! Bad

How much else could be wrong with me?

I'm sorry but this is going to be somewhat of a whiny post but I'm really kind of irritated with my body right now.



Friday - broke out into hives again. Realized it was from my evil posture bra which had been rewashed BUT has this weird material that possibly trapped the evil detergent inside and when I wore the bra because I was too lazy Friday morning to Febreeze my other one (it gets smoky at the Chalet), I ended up breaking out in horrific hives. They were gigantic. Keem, in a joking matter, pointed out a brick wall to me and told me I could itch there. Then she made me stop because my back was bleeding in some places. Grr.


Monday - played work voicemail. Why is Deb calling me at work (Deb is my doctor)? I had a physical on Wednesday. They drew 5 tubes of blood. Five. I have small veins that have a tendency to roll. Does the tech listen to me when I tell her the best place to draw the blood is from the side of my elbow? No. Instead I am poked about 500 times while she looks dumbfounded and says "Wow. They really do roll, don't they?" No. I was lying. Guess where they finally ended up getting the blood from? Yeah. The outside of my elbow.

Anyway, apparently my blood sugar was very high. So tomorrow I have to go back to the doctor, after fasting, and get more blood drawn. Oh my God, can you handle the excitement? I sure can't.

It's only 11:23 or so and I already want to go home. I was talking to my boss this morning and said the following to her:

DM: And I think I'm going to be come a nun.
Cheryl: Why a nun?
DM: Well, it won't stop my body from falling apart but at least I don't have to worry about being single on top of this.

Did I mention that we also discovered I have arthritis in my left knee? It's not horrible but it's there. Lurking. Fortunately I did get the arch supports and my knees have been bothering me less since then. But still, I'm very annoyed and want to go back to bed.

Done whining. Carry on.

If there is a better breakfast than cold cheesy hashbrowns, I don't know what it is

Hi. I am alive. After my last post about the "manageable" hives, they all laughed hysterically and came back. By 12:30 I was in a cab on my way home. At about 3:30, the hives said "Hey, we've not done anything to really inconvenience her yet. Let's attack." That's when my lips started swelling. But only the left side. The right side was normal. At 6:30, I was at Urgent Care, waiting for my doctor.

A prescription of Predis something or another later (steroid. I don't now how to spell it. Predisone?) and a stop at Target where I apparently, in a pain-induced trance, managed to spend over 60 bucks on books (40 dollars on the nephew and Kari) and a $2 prescription, I spent the weekend itching. A lot. And redoing my laundry. No trip to LaCrosse for me. I also missed out on the party James threw Sunday but, quite frankly, I was not ready to be seen in public.

That's pretty much it. I am only itchy in some places but I'm back at work and alive so what more can you ask for, right?

Below is the post I started about Beth and my trip to Wisconsin. Enjoy.



Do Not Get Eaten By a Bear

Beth picked me up at work and we were on our way to Wisconsin (several Fridays ago). I was wearing my “Road Trip USA” shirt which I love (except for hating the collar. When will I learn that I should only wear v-neck and cowl-neck collars? Anything close to the neck feels like it is choking me) as I had promised her. The journey to Waupun was enjoyable. There was a lot of giggling, and, as normal for us, strange conversations. For your enjoyment (and my blogging pleasure) I list them as follows:

DM (after something hit me in the head (possibly a spark from my cigarette)): Ow! Are there pygmies with darts?
B: Possibly. In Wisconsin, unlikely.

I started digging through my purse to find my notebook and pen. Unfortunately, I was unable to find my pen. Beth pulled hers out with a flourish and made a Ninja noise.

One of us: It’s a Ninja pen!
***
DM: Snort, snort, snort. Hee, hee, hee!

I was amused by this very tiny little Cat machine. I don’t know what they do but I want one.
***
DM: This is the best road trip ever! There are cows & buffalos & horsies!

A flock of birds fly over us.

B: And birds.
DM: Yay!

I clap in enthusiasm.

B: You clapped.
DM: Yay!

I clap again.

DM: I just clapped for my claps.
***
Beth (to someone who is driving incredibly wrong in front of her): Why are you braking? Why?

We pass the car.

B: Oh. Because you’re old. Now I get it.

A few moments later, the old people decide to pass us.

B: Now the old people are passing me. You’re going to pass all the people who passed you. Ooooooh (makes scary hand motion as if she is a ghost).
DM (snorts): Stop it! I can’t write that fast!

A few moments later.

B: I passed the old people! Blllllhhhh! Raspberries to you!
***
We pass road work signs that have boards across them where there would normally be words explaining that there is road work.

B: There’s no road work. It bothers me that those aren’t absolutely symmetrical (the boards). If you’re going to do something, do it right! That’s what’s wrong with our infrastructure!
DM: Don’t look at my bookmarks (I have issues when it comes to cutting in a straight line. I’m working on it. But dang it, they are charmingly askew! Just like me). You would think they would just take the signs down.
***
Johnny Lang is playing. The song is either “School Girl” or “Hey, there, little School Girl” or something else. But it is hot.

B: If you’re bad in bed and you dress like a school girl, do they send you out into the hall? Do you have to go to the principal’s office?
DM: Wait! Wait!
***

DM: I want to play with the fire.
Laurie (Beth’s Mom): Okay.
B: After the food. You should eat before you get 3rd degree burns.
L: But we have aloe.

She gestures to the aloe plant sitting on the picnic table. I reach for my notebook.

B: Now she’s not going to let us talk until she writes this down.
***

Let's recap, shall we? Or Learning Experience 2

Let's talk about my week. It's been fun and exciting, let me tell you.

• Sunday. Started coughing ferociously in an attempt to either a) remove my lungs of all fluid and imagined fluid (there was drainage from my nose but not enough to make coughing comfortable (not that coughing ever is really comfortable but there's a big difference between a dry cough and a productive cough. Dry coughs hurt more)) or b) my body decided it no longer liked me and was attempting to shake me to death.
• Also on Sunday/Monday. Reached into my purse to pull out my keys and discovered that my keys and other key (hee. pardon the pun) items were now floating in Apricot syrup. Which is quite yummy but not a good substance to be coating your cell phone and camera and wallet. Fortunately, after much cursing and scrubbing, everything seems to be back to normal (well, other than the purse and any loose bits of paper. oh, and my brush. And the cheap piece of crap amplifier that I bought in an attempt to hear better. 15 bucks and all I got for my trouble was a headache. Sure, it made everything louder but that does not help you much in a bar), albeit a bit sticky still.
• Tuesday. Found out that I did not get either of the jobs I was incredibly excited about. The reasoning was that there were two people that were more qualified and I can't argue with that. The announcement email that was sent out listed the qualifications and I was impressed.
• Tuesday. Somehow I got a paper cut on my lip. How does this happen? Fortunately no one was throwing flaming lemons at me (long story. Maybe Beth will post about it).
• Wednesday. Did not get the MATH job. Didn't care. Really glad that they "chose someone whose experience is more suited to the position." Woo-hoo! Don't have to turn it down. Yay!
• Thursday. While at work, the area right between the underarm and my back starts itching. On both sides. What the heck is going on? Why am I so itchy? Argh! Fortunately dear sweet Co-worker Jackie comes to my rescue.
• Thursday night. At the Chalet. Itch. Itch. Itch. Itchy meets Scratchy. Large reddish blotches start appearing on my skin. What are these? Can it be? Yes, it can. Yay! I have hives! Wow. This is so awesome.
• Still Thursday night. Trying to scratch off all of my skin. Liz asks me if I've changed anything lately.

DM: Ah, yeah. I started using a new laundry detergent.
Liz: I was wondering if that was it. What kind of detergent?
DM: I don’t know. It was $2.50.
Liz: How big of a bottle?
DM: 32 loads of laundry.
Liz: Well, that would do it. $2.50 for 32 loads? What are you allergic to?
DM: Penicillin. Biaxin. Mold. The smell of paint. Apparently cheap laundry detergent.
Liz: Oh, yeah, you’re going to have to wash everything. Your sheets, clothes…
DM: I didn’t wash my sheets this time.
Liz: Oh, good. You can fashion yourself a toga.

Yes, I’m sure that my co-workers would love the sight of me in a toga made of brown sheets with little pink flowers (I love the colors brown and pink together. A few weeks ago, I bought pencils that are brown with little pink skulls. Don’t ask me why. I can’t explain these things) all over them.

Liz also caught me using the bar top to itch my hand.

Liz: Stop itching. Stop it. You'll just make it worse. You're like a cat! We'll buy you one of those cat scratchers.

Beth also caught me using her car door to itch my back.

Somehow I woke up Keem when I got home. Or Eddy did with his excessive need to meow at everything and everyone. Oh, and his need to get into the linen closet at 3 in the morning. The cat's a dork.

DM: Keem! Keem! I am itchy.
K: You're always itchy.
DM: Guess what happened to me. Guess.
K: What now?
DM: Apparently I am allergic to my laundry detergent.
K: You're kidding.
DM: No. Come see. I have hives. I have one the size of a quarter on my leg.
K: Yes, you sure do. And three on your knee.
DM: ARGH!!!!!!

I try to remove all skin from my body.

DM: Why me? Why?
K (trying very hard not to laugh. Failing): I'm sorry. Poor Dana. Well, I'm going back to bed.
DM: No! Itchy! Itchy back! Can't reach! Keem!
K: Keem is tired.
DM: But Keem! Itchy!
K: Poor Itchy Dana. Fine. This is going to be quick.
DM: Ah! Scratch harder! Rip the skin off!
K: Go to bed, you dork.

Thanks to Beth stopping at SA so I could buy Benadryl and the Aveeno ointment Keem gave me, I am less itchy today. I'm rather swollen and red in places but I am armed with a back scratcher, ointment and also my CO Bigelow Witch Hazel skin tonic that oddly seems to help. I'm going to La Crosse this weekend with Keem and I'll be spending some time in the basement rewashing clothes so that should be fun. Not exactly how I envisioned my Labor Day weekend. How about you? What plans do you have?

Yes, yes, go ahead and laugh. I know it's funny. Only me, right?

Not sulking. Well, not much

In a fit of frustration, I threw the purse away. Yes, I probably could have de-syruped (which is a fun word) but it would have taken too long and I am not known for my patience. Fortunately everything important made it out of the sticky sweet muck without ruin, such as Zoe and my wallet. AND! My blogging notebook had been left at work on Friday so that was awesome realizing I didn't destroy my main lifeline (not that I couldn't get another notebook but this also has all my karaoke songs in it and someday, when the Chalet owners realize that karaoke is important, I will sing again). I dragged out the old standard, my black briefcase. It will work just as well for now.

I am feeling better. Went to bed at 7:30 on Monday night and woke up with a clear head and no coughing at all! Awesome! What a great start to the day.

Until I got the phone call...I applied for two great, I would love to do this for a living, jobs a few weeks ago. I didn't get either one. Again, the only thing that could be said was that the other people had more experience. Which is great, I'm glad that I am such a great candidate and all but still...how can I get more experience if no one will hire me? I still haven't heard anything about the MATH job which is just as well because I would turn it down if it was offered to me. I think I would rather go through 400 tax seasons in a row than deal with math daily.

How did I get a paper cut on my mouth? This makes no sense. It's right on my scar as well so it looks weird and will probably scar even more and then the scar will be more noticable.

Owen Wilson tried to kill himself. I am really hoping that he finds his own happy pills and that things go better for him. He's not my absolutely favorite actor but anytime he is in a movie, he makes me laugh and my heart pitter-pat just a little bit. And I don't even like blonds so you know that's a major accomplishment on his part.

Anyway, to keep up with the randomness, I bring you random bloglines that I've been collecting in a Word document for awhile. Hope you all have a great day.

You Are Surrealism

Dreamy and idealistic, you've created a world that is all your own. It's very likely that you've either dabbled in drugs or are naturally trippy. You are always trying to push beyond the boundaries of your culture and society. You believe that art, love, and freedom can change the world.

What Art Movement Are You?

Well, yeah. I like the "naturally trippy" part myself.

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits. Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle. Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it. You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Hmm. A little eccentric. That's me. And the hermit thing! Yikes. This is right on.

Your True Love Is a Capricorn

Why you'll love a Capricorn: Hard working and driven, a Capricorn will work overtime to win your heart. Be prepared to get wined and dined, even once you're convinced that your Capricorn is the one! Why a Capricorn will love you: You don't rush things. You know it will take a while for a Capricorn to trust you, and you can wait. Social and outgoing, you can introduce normally shy Capricorn to a great circle of friends.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

I don't think I've ever even met a Capricorn.

You Are a Carousel

You are young at heart and a truly playful person. No one would ever accuse you of taking life too seriously. You are definitely in things for the fun. You find joy easily, and you are often building up anticipation for your next adventure. In relationships, you tend to want to be babied and taken care of. And while you may be a bit high maintenance, you are incredibly loyal. Your life is simple and satisfying. Each day you treat yourself to something you enjoy. You have a lot of emotional attachments, and experiences are extra vivid to you. You tend to be nostalgic and sentimental. The past is important to you. Comfortable around all living things, you have a special connection to animals and children. At your best, you are whimsical, free spirited, and creative. Even if your schemes seem a bit strange, they usually work out wonderfully. At your worst, you are spoiled, demanding, and impossible to satisfy. You've been known to act like a brat if you aren't getting your way!

What Carnival Ride Are You?

Sometimes these things scare me with how close they are.

Learning Experience

Last night Beth and I went to Perkins. Fortunately we were Craig Free. As we were leaving the restuarant, I saw a bottle of Apricot Syrup. I absolutely love the syrup on pancakes and waffles so I decided to buy the bottle.

Good idea, right? Sure it was. What was probably not a good idea was putting the bottle in my purse.

You guessed it. At about 2:15 this morning, as I was digging in my purse for my keys, I found them. In the puddle of syrup that was collecting.

I so look forward to the experience of cleaning my purse out after work today. I bet it will be Super Fun! It is the first time I've ever been glad that I didn't have a book with me.

Oh. And I'm getting sick. Life is so good right now. Don't you wish you were me?