Since today is Valentine’s Day, what better a day to finish a tale of betrayal and heartbreak? If you have not yet read part one, you may wish to do so. It’ll give you some background information. I’ll wait until you finish reading. That’s the kind of person I am. Patient and caring.
Okay. All caught up? Great. Let’s go delve into my psyche a bit more, shall we?
I left off with the fact that I was happy about being able to spend the snowy day with Rob. I imagined that we would spend time cuddling, followed by possible frolicking in the snow with my cocker spaniel and then drink hot chocolate with mini marshmallows. Oh, yeah, and have some sex as well.
But no, that was not meant to be. Soon after I called work, the phone rang. I was expecting it to be my boss, the jerk, and was dreading answering the phone. I was tempted to ignore it but then gave in. I was wrong. It wasn’t work. It was worse.
“Hello?” I ask politely.
“Let me talk to Rob,” Lily says. “His mother called me. She can’t get her car out so she can go to work.”
Well, hello to you, too, I think. I silently hand the phone to Rob. He answers. A few minutes later, I am watching him get dressed. I caution him about the weather. I tell him I have a bad feeling about him driving under these conditions. Wouldn’t it be a better idea if he just stayed with me?
Now I am not psychic, per se. Meaning that I don’t have visions or channel spirits or anything like that. But I have had dreams that have come true before, I used to be pretty good at reading tarot cards (gave it up for religious reasons) and sometimes I get gut feelings about people that are fairly accurate. Was I having a gut feeling then? Yeah. Was it the result of a psychic twinge? Um, no, I think it was more the result of “Hello! Have you seen what it looks like outside?”
But Rob was a manly man and had to be off to the rescue. Stupid berk (I have been watching Buffy episodes. I love Giles. If I start using a bunch of English phrases, it’s his fault and my good friend The Lioness). I watched from my window as he and the neighbor tried to dig his truck out of the driveway. I watched as he tried to back the truck out into the yet unplowed streets. I watched as his wheels spun once, twice, three times – I breathed a sigh of relief. That truck was going nowhere.
Wrong again, Dana! The fourth try Rob was able to back out and hit the road. And almost a parked car. He was on his way across the frozen tundra. The wanker.
Later that day I get a call from Loren. Rob was in a car accident. Nothing serious, she reassured me. He had hit a patch of ice and skidded into a stop sign. There was a little damage to the truck but nothing major. Oh, and his mother? By the time he got to her place, she had decided it just wasn’t worth going into work.
You remember me mentioning that I had a bad feeling about him driving, right? Well, he mentioned it to Lily. Lily grasped onto this with two desperate hands and did not let go. Since I had predicted his car accident, that meant I was evil.
Yeah. Take a moment to laugh hysterically over this. It gets better. Apparently, since I was so annoyed that he left when I had asked him not to, I cursed him and caused him to get into a car accident. Because apparently, I am a witch. Believe me, if I had that type of power, I wouldn’t waste my time cursing my boyfriend. I would be headed after…well, I don’t know who I would be headed after because I am a nice person and don’t believe in hurting people. Stop laughing, Beth. I have never actually used the fork on anyone. Just made vague stabbing motions.
So Lily, secure in her beliefs that I was Satan Incarnate, decided she needed to protect everyone from me. She bought Rob some sort of stone to wear on a necklace to keep him from my wicked ways. She brought a special oil for Jake and Loren to anoint their door frames and quite possibly themselves with because that would prevent my evil from leaching onto them. And, I don’t know, encouraging them to sin by slaughtering bunnies or something like that.
You would think, that if I was Lucy Fir (thanks, Matt! Great post!), Lily should be watching out for herself instead of everyone else, wouldn’t you?
Sometime after this, Jake, Loren, Rob, Lily and myself went to the bowling alley. I remember watching Jake sitting by Lily, wearing this stupid necklace and just getting totally pissed off. Lily was quite possibly making the sign of the cross at me behind my back, I’m not sure. Finally, I had reached my boiling point. Rob was getting up to bowl and I stood next to him. I stared pointedly at the necklace he was wearing.
“Is that what’s supposed to protect you from me?” I asked. He had the decency to look ashamed and take it off. Lily had been foiled in her plot to start the Maplewood Witch Trials.
Things went okay for us, after that. But Lily was always there. The more Rob and I started to get closer, the worse her and Loser’s relationship would get. Finally, she kicked him out. Then she started calling Rob. “Rob, I need help with this.” “Rob, I need help with that.” “Rob, will you leave Dana’s bed and come over to my sister’s? She needs help with this.” “Oh, Rob, you’re so big and strong. I should have kicked Loser out a long time ago. Maybe we were meant to be together.”
Bitch.
Suddenly, he was spending less and less time with me and more with her. It was getting to be quite painful to watch his adoration of her grow. It was even driving Jake crazy. As much as he liked to make fun of me, it was really annoying him that Rob and Lily were making a fool out of me. He told me this to appear symphathic to my concerns but now, years later, I pretty much figured out that he had the attitude that only he was allowed to make me miserable. He finally told me I had to make a stand and I agreed with him. It was getting very tiring to watch Lily manipulate him like that.
So one day, while over at Jake and Loren’s, coming back from an outing, I pulled him aside.
DM: We need to talk.
Rob: I know.
DM: You need to make a decision, Rob. This isn’t working.
Rob: I know. I can’t choose.
Tears start running from his eyes.
DM: You don’t need to cry about it.
I suddenly was losing all symphathy for him. What the hell was he crying about? He was the one that was having his cake and eating it too. I hate that expression but it really does fit here. He got Lily to do all of the fun stuff with, like shopping and going to auctions and talking and spending time together. And then there was me for sex. Not that the sex wasn’t fun, it was, but dammit, I would have liked to have spent some time with him that was more about us and less about sex.
DM: Call me when you’ve made up your mind.
I was sure he was going to choose me. I was strong and resolute and knew it would happen. And I stood there, watching as he walked away with Lily.
You know what happened, of course. He never called.
I wondered what was wrong with me. Why couldn’t he see how much better I was for him? Why couldn’t he compare me, single and unencumbered, to Lily, married, going through a difficult divorce, with a child. Was I so repulsive that a married woman was preferable to me? I was reeling with self-doubt and insecurity.
Added to this, I hated my job. My boss and his wife had gone to see the Grand Canyon and I actually prayed that she would push him in. I would have testified on her behalf. Then my cat ran away. My sweet Thomas got out one day and never came home. I was devastated. I was turning 29 in a couple weeks and that wasn’t good because of the whole milestone thing. And you add the Rob thing to the mix and I was just waiting for a depression to come kick me while I was down.
This is how depressed I was. My apartment had a gas stove and I would stare at it, thinking about how it would be so much easier if I wasn’t around anymore. I thought about how all my problems would be gone. I wouldn’t have to deal with all of this damn pain.
I knew something had to be done. I couldn’t continue to live like this. I ended up calling the suicide hotline one night. I talked to one of the nicest women ever. It was so great to be able to talk to someone about my problems without being laughed at or being told that they were unimportant.
I told her everything. I completely unburdened my soul to her. And she got it. She understood it all. Even when, after I listed everything, I, with a wail, cried out "And I'm going to be 29!"
"Oh. Oh, that's bad. One year from 30. I've been there," she tells me.
We talked about the fact that I wanted to end it all and I told her I couldn't. Even though I had the opportunity of the stove, there were too many factors. She asked me what they were.
DM: Well, if I do this, there's the chance that my dog will die and that's not fair to him. Or he won't and who will take care of him? Or what if I don't turn off the pilot light and the place blows up? There's people who live on the first floor (I lived in a duplex). And what about my landlord?
Really nice suicide hotline lady: I think you're going to be okay. Most people who want to kill themselves don't think about the consequences their actions will have on others. They're selfish. You're thinking of others.
The depression still was there but at least I knew that I would get better. And I did. It just took a long time. I got my nose pierced for the first time, to try and break it up. I'm not sure what really did do the trick but finally it was gone.
Rob and Lily eventually got married. I haven't seen either of them in years. I did hear from Jake awhile ago that Rob did have a regret. Apparently I'm better in bed than Lily.
Considering that was his only regret, I am way better off without him.
After seeing Hitch last night (it's now Tuesday and I missed my bus so you get the update), I have renewed faith that there is someone out there for me that's going to like me for me, not what I look like or whether I'm good in bed. I thought Rob was that guy. I guess he wasn't. Well, that's what life is about. You learn from your mistakes and go on. I'm going to get going. Literally. My bus is going to be here in a few minutes.
Have a great day. Go see Hitch. It is quite probably the best romantic comedy I have ever seen. Seriously. It may even be better than Love Actually and that had Rowan Atkinson in it. So you know Hitch has to be good.
Previous Comments:
At 1:37 PM, Matt said...
Thank you thank you thank you for finishing the story. I truly did like that, and he is an idiot for not choosing you. However if he did, do you think that you would have met such wonderful people as Keem, Beth, and I? I am glad that you were able to talk to the hot line lady, I used to work on one of those and they are not always fun, but knowing that you had helped at least one person, was worth all the calls you got. Also thank you for the nod to my post you gave, that was great. I thought that you would appreciate Lucy's name. Hope to hear from you soon, I will talk to you later.He is a fool for not being with you for more than what he was, a big fool. You are such a wonderful person Dana, I am very glad that I have you as one of my friends.Matt
At 1:57 PM, brooksba said...
DM,Thank you for finishing this post. I know it had to be difficult to write it all out, but hopefully a way to release the emotions. Rod was an idiot. I'm glad I don't know him because I would kick him. And give you a fork. I am glad I know you DM. My life is fuller by knowing you. Thank you for all the fun times and being there when I needed you. Love,Beth
At 4:57 PM, Weary Hag said...
DM,I'm so glad you finished your story, but more than that I'm glad you finished with Rob. What a shame you had to go through all that! I'm betting you're a stronger and better person because of it. Thanks for finishing up your story ... good job! WearyHag
At 6:23 PM, Robert ~ Marlénè said...
Wow, what a story! It's so good to hear from other people who have stood up and been true to themselves, even if it means being alone afterward. I frequently find myself doubting that is IS better to be alone, even alone forever, than to sell yourself short and take what's offered the first time around. I just performed a song at my last show called "A Fine Fine Line" from the musical Avenue Q... you can read the lyrics here... that goes along with what you're saying and what I have been doubting lately. Thanks for the affirmation!
