Sunday, May 22, 2005

Lists (Thanks Mark)

I asked Mark for something to blog about as well. I love the lists he comes up with; they are a lot of fun to read. I had left the following comment on his blog:

Mark, I'm bored. I have nothing to write about. Challenge me. Tell me to come up with a list. Anything. I have to come up with something or else I'm going to start a rumble in the parking lot just for a story.

Here is his response:

Dana - since you have the most urgent need, I offer the following suggestions for lists...
People you most want to rumble with in parking lot.
People who most irritate you.
Book Titles I would like to see.
If Pamela Anderson were President...: (think of the possibilities with that list!)

If any of you have anything you’d like to know, or lists you’d like to see, please leave me a comment or send me an email.

People I would most like to rumble with in the parking lot. I’m going to combine this with people who most irritate me as well.

Now I am assuming that this will be a Jets vs. the Sharks type rumble (plus I have The Songs of West Side Story on iTunes and randomly hear the rumble song (which is just fun to sing to yourself)) and that I will get to have my gang with me (Beth, Keem, Matt, did you know we were a gang?).

I can picture it now. Beth will kick people in the head (she can kick high), I will weight one of Eddy’s toys (the bungee toy that I am using as a headband in my new profile picture) and use it as a chain, Keem will send Eddy after them (he loves her so much that he will be an attack cat) and Matt will…well, Matt’s kind of crazy. I’m not sure what he’ll do. Quite possibly he will throw them into Jell-O.

Anyway, the people I would most like to rumble with are as follows:

Ann Coulter. I hate her. I hate her with a passion. If you have ever read her column or website or even one of the transcripts of speeches she has given, you will realize that she is a) completely insane, b) a total bitch and c) she obviously hates women since she insists on saying that women are stupid and need men.

George W. Bush. Do we even have to ask why? Seriously? I support gay rights, he doesn’t. I believe that being a Christian doesn’t mean you get to judge everyone different from you, he does. I believe that it’s ridiculous that people are dying in Iraq; he continues to lie about our reasons for being there.

Anyway, I did not plan in turning this in to a political rumble so let’s move on.

Jennifer Lopez. I think she would be able to bring a challenge to the rumble, what with all of her dance moves and everything. Maybe she could bring her gang of annoying celebrities, Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson. I can see the choreography now!

Internet trolls – Those who think it’s okay to call someone names just because they don’t like someone’s political beliefs or their lifestyle. If you don’t like someone’s blog, don’t read it. Since I’ve been blogging, I’ve seen people called names for mourning the loss of their best friend, for being a lesbian, for being pro-choice and in my case, for being fat (and stupid since I wrote a post about not liking George W. Bush)). However, since most of the trolls are cowards and hide behind their anonymity, I’m not sure that there would be many to rumble with.

Matt’s ex-girlfriend, affectionately known as "The Twat." Known child abuser, manipulative bitch, all around loser. She should be smushed. And smushed good.

Okay, let’s move on to a lighter subject:

Book titles I would like to see:

Dana, Queen of the Universe – How she rose to power.
Any volunteers to write it?

How to lose weight merely by watching TV and blogging – No exercise, dieting, surgery or pills involved (Wouldn’t that be nice?).

I don’t care what they name the books, I just want to read them:

Carol’s book
Mark’s book
Johnny’s book about Uzi
Beth’s murder mystery that she has not finished
Anything written by flea

And the last list, If Pamela Anderson were President:

Our national anthem would be changed to "I’m A Blonde" by Julie Brown.
Mandatory viewing of all of her movies and television shows would be required or we would be jailed for treason.

Oh, hell, I can’t think of anything else. Oh well. This helped break the slump though. Thanks again, Mark!