Saturday, September 18, 2004

Yet another reason to hate Rainbow

Those of you who have read my blog from the beginning may remember the two vants I had about Rainbow Foods, a grocery store in the Twin Cities area. Here, for your reading pleasure, is the experience I had when I ran in one day to get a pasta salad.

My friend Adam decided to have a dinner party to officially introduce us to his new boyfriend (it's been almost a year since they met! Congratulations to Adam and Rich). He invited Keem, Beth, Scott and Matt and me. I offered to bring something and he asked me to pick up a pasta salad. Keem stopped at Rainbow on our way. I ran inside to pick up the salad. Easy enough, right? Well, you obviously haven't spent enough time in my world to know that it's not easy.

I stand in line at the deli. There were several people behind the counter but I was ignored. Several customers are waited on and leave.

I stand there.

No one acknoweldges me. Which is, as we discovered in an earlier post, pretty much what I think Hell will be like for me.

The girl behind the counter picks up a spray bottle and starts cleaning. She looks straight at me. Or through me because apparently I am now invisible.

A guy behind the fried food counter sees me. "Have you been helped?" "No," I reply. Does he come up to help me? No, he does not. He says something to the sulky girl who is ignoring me. She looks up and I now register on her radar. I'll have to talk to my doctor about that pesky fading in and out I seem to be doing.

"Did you want to order something?"

I am tempted to reply "No. I come to delis and stand around for fun." Instead I smile politely and say yes.

She ever so graciously packs my order for me. Yes, that is sarcasm. What she actually does is slam a whole bunch of things together and almost snarls at me in disgust for my very existence is obviously destroying her soul.

I get into the car. Keem wonders what took me so long. I blame Martin Lawrence for what comes out of my mouth. When the show "Martin" was on, there was a annoying character named Shenaynay. This woman at the deli reminded me of her.

"Well, I had to wait for Shenaynay to realise I existed."


"Okay. Maybe her name was Shaniqua. I don't know or care. She was a bitch."

I am really, really sorry for calling her Shenaynay. I am not sorry for calling her a bitch.

At 12:37 AM, Matt said...
YES!!! I love that story! That is just awesome! I have been waiting to read this! I don't know if you heard or not, but Rainbow has decided to turn their billboards into a weekly animated show for kids. Isn't that great?Matt
At 6:03 AM, CarpeDM said...
No. No, no, no. That is just wrong. Wrong! Oh, my God, how could they do this to me? Why? What are they going to do?You better be making this up to tweak me out. I'm serious. Or there is going to be smashed fruit and vegetable hell to pay with the powers that be at Rainbow.