Friday, August 13, 2004

An email about Josh and Godzilla

I don't usually work Saturday nights. When I do, it's usually very slow at NABABNA and Beth and I are somewhat bored. And we do odd things.

This last Saturday, we started talking about a banker who really annoys me (I'm working on a post about him for Out of the Mouths of Morons, his name has become Random Ma'am or RM (he calls me ma'am, it annoys me)) and, well, it got a little weird.

DM: I am tired. Let's go home. What's the worst that could happen?
B: Um, we'd get fired. We'd have no money and I'd have to move in with my mom, sell my car, and sell all my possessions. I couldn't blog since I'd have sold my new computer. And with no car and no money, we'd never hear Bryan McDonald sing again.

Time goes by. Beth asks me what she thinks the Big Boss (our managers' manager now known as BB) would think about the email she was writing to him.

DM: I don't know. Probably "Wow. That Beth is one smart cookie." Okay, probably not. But I'm sure he would think you were smart.
B: What do you think he'd say when I told him the email I was writing him made my computer crash?
DM: I think he would say "Oh, that computer. It's not a smart cookie." I seem to be obsessed with smart cookies tonight. As opposed to the dumb ones.
B: You are hilarious! I think it's just an anti-RM thing.
DM: He doesn't deserve to be a cookie. Smart or dumb. He's just a moron.
B: Maybe he is a Splenda cookie that is soggy (or something to that effect. Stupid me and my not copying the whole email...dang it).
DM: Splenda isn't all that bad. Maybe he is a icky Zwieback which my nephew will eat and it will get all soggy and then maybe Josh (my nephew, who is teething and not happy about it, apparently) would bite his head off. That would be fun. And I would laugh. Hahahahaha! My nephew bit your head off, you Moron Boy, you! Hmm, I think I might be slightly insane.
B: I love the fact you're now turning your sweet, little nephew into a hungry, teething monster who will kill by biting off people's heads. You might be slightly insane. Funny, but insane.
DM: Well, I was once sweet. And look how I turned out. I'm sure Josh is going to be turning to his friends when he's 37 and asking for the fork (long story, I will explain in a later post).
B: But will he be eating random people?
DM: No, I don't want to change him into a monster. I'm just imagining he would bite him. And it would be fun...hahahaha!
B: You might have been sweet, but you haven't turned yourself into a raving, monster who eats others. And biting RM so that his head falls off. That's no longer a sweet, teething nephew.
DM: Okay. How about Godzilla? He's already a monster. Can he bite RM's head off?
B: Godzilla would be really good to bite off RM's head.
DM: Yay! And he will jump up and down on him as well! Smush him! Smush! Crush him like the rodent he is!
B: Squish like a bug! The earth would shake if Godzilla jumped. It'd be fun.
DM: It's the big one! And then we would look out and see that it was Godzilla. And we would laugh. Because he was squishing RM.
B: We're horrible, horrible people. But I'm smiling at the image. RM actually managed to log out tonight. I'm stunned.
DM: Oh, my God! Maybe he learned through osmosis (I'm pretty sure I meant the process where you stick a book under your pillow and it seeps into your head overnight (which, now that I think of it, seems very strange and where would I come up with this? Oh, yeah, sarcastic English teacher in high school who asked someone if they studied for a test through osmosis))!
B: Did we immerse him in water?
DM: I'm not sure. Maybe Godzilla threw him in the water.
B: And then swam out to him to eat him?
DM: Could be. And then said "You're a moron. Log out of your damn phone!"

We spent a few moments reminiscing about one of our old co-workers who no longer works for NABABNA and we miss him.

DM: I miss that stupid co-worker who no longer works here.
B: I do too. That's why I watch Conan O'Brien so much. Now I'm sad that there's no former co-worker here.
DM: I know. That dork. How could he abandon us like this? Let's sick Godzilla on him as well...
You know, I typed that and then thought "Um, Dana, we don't have Godzilla's phone number."
B: Ha! You are correct. It might be easier to find Rodan's number. I don't think he's as popular and probably is still listed.

Then we had a discussion with one of Beth's bankers about Godzilla, Rodan and Mothra and who would be more formidable. And whether or not we should go to New Orleans next year on vacation.

Yes, it was a productive evening.

Previous comments
At 2:21 AM, angelia said...
you have some of the funnest, yet strangest conversations....why can't you be closer to me at Nababna? is just not fair!