The exception to the rule BUT still a stop on the WWIT? train

I have talked about a lot of the men I have dated before. I have given the impression that every single one of them was a jerk or a loser. This is not true. There was one. One that made my heart sing, one that could have been the one, one that if I have ever been in love in my entire life, it would have been with the one.

I guess, though, if you want to be technical about it, all of the men I have dated (and yes, in some cases this term is used loosely) have been jerks or losers or sometimes, ooh, how special of a man was he, both. The one I am talking about was not a man. No, he was a 17 year old boy I met when I was 24. The sad thing is, even though he was 17, he was so much more mature than any so-called man I have ever been involved with in a romantic manner (again, loosely using the word romantic).

His name was Dane (no, it wasn't but that's his fake name) and he was sweet and kind and wonderful in so many ways. He made me laugh and treated me with respect and cared about me. And I screwed it up. I not only lost him but I also lost my best friend.

This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to write because it is difficult for me to realize I was so selfish, so consumed with myself, so damn needy that I would allow this to happen. But I did. And it took many years for me to realize what had happened was my fault. Not anyone else's fault. My fault and mine alone.

It was 1991 (I know this because I figured out when a certain movie came out) and I was living in Madison with my friend Becky. This was long after our other two roommates ditched us (I can't remember what their code names are right now so I'll just ignore them. They were gone and it was Becky and I against the world). Becky and I were broke and trying to make ends meet so we took second jobs. I took one at a fast food restaurant called, oh, for fun we'll call it Fasties. And that's where I met Dane.

I did not start dating Dane immediately. In fact, when I first started at Fasties, I was involved with a musician who lived in Somerset (small Wisconsin town near the border of Minnesota). Then, when my relationship with the musician went bad, as my relationships are prone to do, I started dating a man named Andrew, who also worked at Fasties. I am saving the story of Andrew for another post. Really, all you need to know at this point is that I ended it for really good reasons, such as the fact that I did not want to die in a shootout.

I worked the counter with Dane’s younger brother, who was 15 (and, forgive me Lord for saying this, but gorgeous. Broad shoulders, chiseled nose, dark wavy hair, did not look 15, looked 25. But this is not important to the story) and another boy about 15. Very nice, lots of fun, we had a good time talking about anything. Add the fact that I was avoiding Andrew like the plague and you’ll see why I started having my breaks with Dane and his brother (who will now be known as Bo).

I’m not sure how Dane and I started flirting with each other. I do know that one of the girls that worked there, a little younger than myself, had said that she had gone out with him a couple times (but stopped because she was worried about that specter, statutory rape) and that he was a really nice guy. I had more than my share of not so nice guys in my past. I was intrigued.

I do know that there was a lot of laughter, there was some innuendo involving honey packets, there were exchanged glances through the window (the one that separated the counter from the food preparation place in the back). And one day, after hearing how both Bo and his friend both had dates that weekend, I had the following conversation with Dane at the fryer (oh, the romance of this moment!).

Me: Dane, I’m depressed.
D: Why?
Me: Both Bo and friend have dates this weekend and they are 15 and I am 24 and I do not have a date. It’s very sad.
D: Would you like to go to dinner tomorrow night?
Me: Uh (Quick pause while I think about this. He’s only 17. I am 7 years older than him. This is wrong. Wrong, I tell you. But he’s also the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. He’s really wonderful. What could possibly go wrong?). Okay.

Thus began the most idyllic period of my dating life. I am serious. How it is possible for a 17-year-old boy to be that wonderful still astounds me to this day and it is 13 years later. I have never met anyone who treated me as well as him. I probably never will.

If you were to ask me what the most romantic date I have ever been on was, I can honestly say that during the summer of 1991, I was escorted to a park where my boyfriend opened up the trunk of his car, pulled out a loaf of bread and we spent the afternoon feeding the ducks and talking. Just him and I and ducks (but they were not green. It is very sad). He laid his head in my lap and I have never felt so much tenderness or cared so much for any other man in my life.

The 2nd most romantic date I have ever been on was that same summer, we went to the zoo in Madison (for those of you in Minnesota, it is about the same size as the Como Zoo here). He bought me ice cream and a wax elephant (there was one of those machines that you put so much money in and it made a wax sculpture. I love those machines. Even more than the ones that make the souvenir pennies) and we walked through the park, holding hands.

So what happened? What went wrong? How did I screw up what I like to refer to as the Big Kiss?

Some of you have read the post I did on why I decided to start living Dew free and know that there are a lot of factors that contributed to my weight gain and self-esteem problems. I mentioned one part about how every time a guy showed any interest in me; I felt it was my responsibility to sleep with them. Dane was wonderful and sweet and caring and kind and liked me! Obviously it was my duty to put out. And this was during what I refer to as The Needy Years. Since I had no concept of what love was, since I thought that I had to reward someone for paying attention to me, since I could not express to Dane that I cared about him, all I knew was sex. With the way I felt for Dane, I was throwing myself at him all the time.

Imagine that you’re a 17-year-old guy and you’ve met an older woman who wants to have sex with you almost every waking minute. That would be most 17 year olds idea of the perfect woman. Now imagine that you are Dane who is sweeter and kinder and wiser beyond your years and you have met someone you really care about. And all she seems to want from you is your body.

I did to Dane what all the preceding (and post) men did to me. I used him for sex.

I can now look back at this and recognize my errors, of course. I now know that if I could do it all over again, I would still be a virgin and Dane and I would probably never have met since I moved to Madison to run away from my past. Funny thing about running away is that you might move but your past has a way of repeating itself. Funny that it took me so long to figure it out.

There are two reasons I’m writing this post. One is because I’m slowly learning to forgive myself for my past and this is, as Beth said, cleansing. I can literally feel weight lifting off of my shoulders and my heart as I write this. The other reason is, as I mentioned at the beginning of this post, that I lost my best friend because of a stupid mistake I made and I never once told her I was sorry. Here’s what happened.

Becky and I decided to move back home to Minnesota. Madison was not working out for us. Her father and stepmother came up to help her pack. I was suffering from the flu or bronchitis or something like that and was not thinking clearly. I came home with Dane, saw that Becky and her parents weren’t there, and wrote a note saying I’d gone over to Dane’s and to call me if they needed help.

Here’s the thing. Yes, I was sick. Yes, I was not thinking. But hello, her parents came all the way to Madison to help us and I wrote them off that easily? It was a selfish act on my part and I never once admitted it. And when Becky called me on it, I tried to rationalize my behavior by saying to myself that she was overreacting.

I think things would have worked out a lot better if I could just have looked Becky straight in the eyes and said “You’re right. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.” I didn’t do that. Now, it was 13 years ago and I don’t remember everything that I said to her but I think I tried to justify this by the fact that, when we went to the bars, she would leave me alone while she went and talked to other people. I was blaming my selfishness and laziness on the fact that she was popular.

I also did something I had sworn I would never do; I had chosen a boyfriend over my best friend. I wanted to spend time with Dane and moving would have cut into that.

I still see Becky now and then; she’s one of my sister’s closest friends. It’s been 13 years since this happened and I have to say, every time I see her, that I miss her so much. I know we will never have the connection we once did and I regret that more than anything. Even more than the fact that Dane and I didn’t work out. When I saw Becky last, I had mentioned that Beth reminded me a lot of her and that I usually gravitated towards people that remind me of her. It’s true. I find people that are vibrant and loyal and bright and dedicated. Keem also reminds me of Becky.

I think that there’s a reason why I let myself get into a so-called friendship with Jake after Becky because I didn’t believe I deserved any better. But I couldn’t admit it to myself and so I dragged myself down into the pits of despair even deeper. If I would admit that I didn’t deserve a good friend, that would mean that I hadn’t treated Becky right and that would mean I had screwed up. So, Becky, if you ever read this, I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry. You were a great friend and I will always remember the good times.

Over the past few years, I have discovered things about myself that I don’t like and am working on changing them and have also discovered things about myself that I do like. I have made stupid mistakes; I have had many a stop on the WWIT? Train but I am not a bad person. I appreciate you taking the time to read this and help me unburden my soul.

Oh, what happened with Dane and I? Well, as I said, Becky and I moved back to Minnesota. Dane and I lived 4 hours away from each other. He was still 17 years old. Our relationship did not last very long after I moved back because it is really hard to sustain a romance when your boyfriend’s mom won’t give him permission to come and visit you. Shortly after school started, Dane called and told me it was time we started seeing other people. I was devastated but now, looking back, I know it was the best thing for him.

I like to think that somewhere there is a guy for me that is as wonderful as Dane was. I also like to think that I’m ready for him now. That I’ve learned from my mistakes to realize that sex does not equal love. This has been a long journey on the WWIT? Train. I am really hoping we’re getting close to the station. Thanks for reading.

Previous Comments:

At 1:04 PM, Matt said...
Dana,I am still wiping away the tears as I type this so forgive me. First of all thank you so much for posting this beautiful piece. It really is touching. I know that there is a man out there for you Dana, how could there not be? We have all made stops on the WWIT Train, some of us (ok me) are lucky enough to have found friends along the way that stuck by us throguh thick and thin, but it does not always end up like that. Losing a friend is always so hard a loss, sometimes even greater than losing a love, I am sorry for your loss of Becky, I truly am. But I will say one thing to you right now Dana, no matter what you ever do for the rest of your life, you will never be alone. I swear this to you because I, and everyone else that is lucky enough to be called your friends, will always be there. No matter what. I'm sorry, but you're stuck with us, we're family, so I hope you can deal with that :) I truly am a lucky person because I can proudly say that I know you, Dana-Queen of the Universe, and that I consider you to be one of my best friends, along with being my Father. I love you Dana, and I know that I have sometimes said things that were inappropriate (you might be thinking, "Inappropriate? You? Impossible I say!" but sadly it's true) and sometimes have doine things that were mean, but you always knew that they were done in a teasing and joking manner. I hope that I have never done anything to hurt you, and if I did I will take the time right now to tell you that I am sorry. I am telling you right now Dana, you are stuck with me. So hope you enjoy that, because I know that I will. Every single step of the way I will enjoy it.Love,Matt
At 2:08 PM, The Lioness said...
I will sound arrogant and patronising but what the bloody hell, bear in mind I AM crazy about you, dahling: I believe words gave power. I believe words shape the world we choose to live in. I believe if you say “I probably never will”, you probably never will. I believe you could. I believe you are lovely. I believe you are tremendously brave. I believe the reason you find people that are vibrant and loyal and bright and dedicated because you are too, and not even you can self-boycott that effectively. And I believe it’s about time you got your remaning shit together and started believing it too, because I believe anything other than this would be a waste of such cosmic proportions I choose not to believe it at all.
At 6:28 PM, CarpeDM said...
"I am saving the story of Andrew for another post. Really, all you need to know at this point is that I ended it for really good reasons, such as the fact that I did not want to die in a shootout.""Our relationship did not last very long after I moved back because it is really hard to sustain a romance when your boyfriend’s mom won’t give him permission to come and visit you."Hello! Did no one notice these parts? There is funny stuff interspersed between the misery. Matt, you're a sweetheart and I love you dearly and believe me when I say you could never ever be as mean as the man whose name I do not mention for fear of the wrath of Beth descending upon his head.Lioness, I adore you. I also believe in the power of words and do think that there probably is a really great guy out there for me. I also know that each time I write one of these posts, my soul feels lighter. There's been a lot of crap repressed for many years and it's really only since I started blogging that I've been able to feel this free. So, even though it's depressing in some spots, telling the truth really does set you free. When I look back now, I feel sorry for the girl I used to be but I also want to smack her for being such a dunce sometimes. I really like me now and that's very important. It's taken a long time to get here.Anyway, if anyone is interested, I'd love to share with you the story of the two guys I was involved with before Dane. Believe me when I tell you there will be much more laughter than tears.
At 8:02 PM, The Lioness said...
I did chuckle reading those 2, yes! And I also believe blogging is therapeutical, yes! I even came out in my blog, pic-wise, so there - and trust me, that's a huge step for me.
At 8:25 PM, brooksba said...
Hello DM,Okay, I have a lot to comment on this one.First of all, SHARE THE STORY ABOUT ANDREW! And the story of the other two guys. Are they the same story? Maybe they are. I await, not so patiently, for the yarn.Yes, there were funny parts to this post, yet the overall theme was serious. That's not a bad thing. It is a cleansing and you deserve to be the strong, beautiful, wonderful, amazing, caring woman I know you are. I am so happy to see you liking yourself. Maybe I'm biased, but if I like you, shouldn't you like you?I didn't know you back when this story took place and I don't know if I would say you were a different person than you are today. No, don't take this as I think you're still on the WWIT train. I mean that the person you are was there, just hidden deep inside. You have gone through events in your life to bring out the person you want to be. There are lessons, no matter how difficult, that show us who we really are, deep down. Matt said it well, you are stuck with us. I don't care what you do (I'm sure you'll never do anything as bad as a certain woman who caused soda to fly around the room at the very mention of her name), I could never see myself giving up the friendship I have with you. I have gone through many friendships in my life to find the ones that I want to hold onto. Your friendship is one that I want for eternity. Matt is also correct, losing a friend is always a hard loss. Friendships, true friendships, that are based on being there for one another, on acceptance of the whole picture, are always harder than a loss of a boyfriend/girlfriend. There is a minute difference between true friendship love and "the big kiss" love. The only difference is that you usually don't have physical attraction as part of the friendship love. For a love to be "the big kiss" kind, the true friendship love needs to be there. Friendship is the basis of all lasting relationships, not just love. It is friendship, companionship, acceptance of people's differences, and caring for others that makes the world go round. You deserve the friendship love, you deserve "the big kiss" love, you deserve the world. I wouldn't call you one of my best friends if I did not believe this. You deserve to like yourself, you deserve to LOVE yourself. Hey, if there's anyone you have to live with for the rest of your life, it's yourself. You should at least enjoy the company. =)About the loss of your friend, Becky. I know how difficult it is to lose the friendship of someone you care about. I don't know how you feel about this and how comfortable you are about it, but I would recommend the next time you see her, you tell her what you told the world. She's still around, there may be a way to reform the bond you had before. It may not be the same, history and pasts do have ways of changing opinions, it is easier to forgive than it is to forget. If Becky is anything like you say she is, she will take the honesty from you to heart and give you another chance. Believe me, giving second chances are not as hard as one thinks, I've given enough of them out. Even if it doesn't work out, you at least know you tried. You didn't just drop it and I know I would appreciate someone taking the time and the effort to talk to me honestly about the past.Now, I enjoyed that you made his name Dane. I was thinking, "Dane and Dana!" It's just cute! Thank you for the post. I know it made you feel better, the cleansing does help. It's a release. I enjoyed the light comments to bring a deep subject up and the message was brought across beautifully.I love you. I admire you. I think the world of you. I will ALWAYS be there for you. If I ever do anything to hurt you, let me know immediately. I don't ever want to hurt my best friend. I know what it feels like.Beth

At 10:06 AM, Firebear said...
Thank you for again sharing with us. And yes, I noticed the funny parts!
At 2:06 AM, brooksba said...
Hello again,Please post the story about the previous boyfriends! I want this now too. =) Can't you post 24 hours a day? I mean, come on! I need more to do after midnight.

Oh, Republicans will you just wake up and smell the great big dork!

I watched part of the debate yesterday. Jeff wanted to watch it and so he and Keem watched the entire thing (or I'm assuming they did since I got fed up and went to bed at 8 or 8:30. Actually, probably not 8 since that's when it started. I did watch more than the introduction).
I already know who I am voting for so the debate wasn't going to make or break anything for me. But we are a family (well, in a weird, roommate, not related at all sort of way) and so, we spent family time together. It was very fun (in a weird, would someone shut that stupid president guy up sort of way).

Does anyone else think that President Bush looks like a trained monkey? I'm serious. He just sat there and grinned like an idiot throughout the entire debate (or at least what I saw). I was amused by that.

Anyway, I'm not big on politics. But I will be voting. Not for the trained monkey.

Previous Comments:

At 2:03 PM, frog said...
Excellent post title, that.
At 2:27 PM, CarpeDM said...
Glad you like it. He's such an idiot. Why can't they see it? Why?
At 2:36 PM, brooksba said...
DM,All I can say is that he's got some pretty good handlers. I don't think he can think for himself.I found a blog, I forgot where, that showed pictures of Bush having small things in his ears and a bulge under his jacket during the debates. I really wonder about this.
At 3:51 PM, The Lioness said...
The man is an idiot, an absolute imbecil! He was cheating somehow for sure bcs there's NO WAY IN HELL he'd be able to remember some of the things he actually said. He has about 2 neurons and they've both gone hunting years ago! I saw the pictures with the bulge too. Gorge yourself:http://www.lifeisajoke.com/pictures154_html.htm(though FYI chimps are NOT monkeys and look infinitely better!)
At 4:16 PM, DeAnn said...
I missed this last debate. It sounds like I didn't miss much?!
At 5:25 PM, Anonymous said...
Dana, let me start off by saying that I miss you and Keem very much and I wish you would come back. Secondly, and I will try to keep this brief as this is not exactly a political forum, to all of you hippy liberals who constantly put down Dubya's intelligence, just remember he scored higher on the SAT's than both Mr. Flip - Flop John Kerry and your posterboy, Paul Wellstone. Well, enough with the run on sentences and political vants. Hope to See You Soon,Troy
At 9:11 PM, The Lioness said...
"they've both gone hunting years ago"?????!!!!! I hold him personally responsible for creating the Grammatical Axis of Evil!
At 8:08 AM, CarpeDM said...
Troy, Blah blah blah, blah blah. In Dana speak that means "Whatever. I am discounting you." Ask Keem, she has been the victim of many a blah. I can't believe this is the post that got you to comment. I suppose Donovan's spinning in his chair as well. I'm not saying that Kerry is the answer to all of our prayers because, let's face it, he's against gay marriage as well (but at least he does believe civil unions should be legal and binding). All I'm saying is sometimes, you have to vote for the lesser of the two evils. I can't go another four years with Bush in office. Are you and Katie coming to karaoke on Sunday? I could say the blahs in person. It would be fun.
At 12:35 AM, The Lioness said...
DM, check this site out, I think you'll enjoy it (Troy, cover your eyes quickly!): http://www.youforgotpoland.com/
At 9:07 AM, Anonymous said...
Dana, I talked to Katie and we are going to karaokee tomorrow. See you there.Troy
At 6:22 PM, Anonymous said...
Well, you haven't convinced me that George Bush is an idiot.You have convinced me, quite elegantly, that someone else is...You.

Random Karaoke stuff

Have we mentioned that sometimes there are people that can't sing? I think we have (no, this is not the Royal We, this is Beth and I) but, hey, here's a refresher.

Joe (from Beer Goggles One) is on the stage and I can't remember what song he was singing but it started out "There's two things I know for certain." The first thought in my mind is

1. You can't sing.
2. Have I mentioned that you can't sing?

Here's an example, he sings "Angels Among Us" by Alabama. Not a bad song, right? You would think anyone could handle it. The first part of it is spoken, not that difficult. Yeah. You haven't met Joe. I am frightened by the fact that you can't understand him speaking because he puts the microphone right up to his mouth and then he mutters and mumbles. So what we hear is "Mmmm, I know mmmm angels mmm us."

Sunday, there weren't a lot of people so the rotation was very small. Joe got to sing a lot. You know, if he had a personality or was cute like THE BOY I wouldn't mind so much. But he's not.

Beth and I were watching the television over the karaoke machine (usually the lyrics are there so it is second nature to look at it). The West Wing is playing, no sound. Rob Lowe comes on screen. Beth and I look at each other and, in unison, say "That sure is a pretty man." It's nice having a friend who is on the same wavelength as you.

Beth and I ordered pizza again. The Chalet has good pizza and it's reasonably priced. Beth told me to eat the last two pieces so I did. I also made up a song.

Sung to the Last Train From Clarksville by the Monkees

It’s the last piece of pizza
And I’m going to eat it.
You made it in the oven
And I don’t know the rest.

I was standing up on the stage, waiting to sing and Beth told Bryan about my song. So I began to sing it, without thinking about the fact that I am singing into the microphone and Bryan is in control of turning up the volume and isn't afraid to let me make a fool out of myself. The Chalet got a lovely rendition of the song.

Ah, karaoke. It's always fun. You should come and see us.

Previous Comments:

At 4:33 PM, brooksba said...
Ah, karaoke.I love karaoke. I want it to be Sunday already so I can go to karaoke. Cowboy Joe can't sing. I'm sorry, but it's true. I enjoyed the pizza song. It was great.I want to see THE BOY! Sorry, I'm still obsessing. I miss you!
At 9:57 PM, Matt said...
Me Dad,I cannot wait utnil it is karoke again-I miss it. I do remember the people that thought they could sing, but it turned out that they really could not, oh the joys of Wyld Tymes. I hope to see you soon, along iwth Keem, and of course My Little Sister, Beth. Oh wait! Today is Wenesday, and it is almost done, that means that tomorrow is Thursday, and then, oh and then it is Friday and guess what? It is time for the queens to come out an dplay! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!I LIKE QUEENS!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Later
At 2:30 AM, brooksba said...
Why don't you post 24 hours a day??? I want more. I'm going to be annoying. I'm sorry. I need someone to talk to at 2:30 in the morning. I think the night shift is going to kill me one of these days.There was an announcement today at work. Your replacement starts next week and I get to help train him in quality disputes.I'm thinking of Jim and the parking ramp. And the random stranger wandering up the down ramp, calling, "Raaaaa-nnnnnnn-dddddddyyyy!"
At 5:27 AM, DeAnn said...
You would absolutely HATE doing karaoke with me. I CANNOT SING. I put the NOT in CANNOT SING. Seriously.
At 8:17 AM, CarpeDM said...
Finally the results of Decison '04 are in. If and when I ever get email again, I'll have to email him and congratulate him.DeAnn, we would not hate going to karaoke with you. We would enjoy it very much because a) you have a personality, b) you're smart so we could talk to you about stuff whenever we weren't singing and c) according to many commenters on your blog, you, much like THE BOY, are cute. One of the rules of karaoke are if you can't sing, at least pick something that people can sing along to and then it doesn't matter. Joe does not do that. He picks slow, country songs and mangles them, not upbeat, fun songs like "Cecelia" or "Build me up, Buttercup."

A message for Team Mike F

I miss the heck out of you guys.

I still do not have email yet at work and it is driving me crazy because there are things I want to know.

How is the new month going? Has anyone been monitored yet? Do I have to dye my hair purple?

Any new puppy or children stories?

You are all in my thoughts daily. If you read this, comment. You don't have to have a blog to do it, Beth can show you how in the resource room. I want to know what's going on!

Previous Comments:

At 2:21 AM, brooksba said...
Dana,I meant to tell you, I saw the stats, and you look like you made the closed percentage! Yippie!Mike F said an announcement would be coming soon. Everyone misses you. I've had more people on our team ask me about you every day. Corrie, Damon, Luke, Craig, Andy, and Barbara ask me all the time about you and Keem. You are both very much missed. COME BACK NOW!!! Please? Pretty please? You never loved me.
At 8:15 AM, CarpeDM said...
Um, no. Sorry, can't come back. I do miss the people but I am having fun learning new and exciting things. Perhaps you should all come here. That would be fun.Say hi to everyone for me. I miss your team as well, after all I was their default team lead.
At 2:47 PM, Firebear said...
Purple Hair? Rent SLC Punk. Very 80's feel to it. On my list of the best movies that no one has seen.

Frequently Asked Questions

Welcome to my blog! I thought it would be nice to have a local section to list previous (and future) posts about stuff - who am I, why do I think I'm the Queen of the Universe, my feelings on karaoke, etc. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. That way, if you haven't read my blog before and are wondering more about me (and really, why wouldn't you?), you can click on these links and read all about me! How fun is that? I've changed the color of the questions to blue. If the website is not mine, I have changed the link color to purple.

Your blog is called Green Duckies and Other Tales of Dana. What the heck does that mean?

Sometimes I say or do things that are a little odd because I don’t always think before I speak. Green Duckies are frogs. To find out why I call them green duckies, click here. Then there’s “The guy who looks like Ray Romano but isn’t Ray Romano.” There are also stories of incredible stupidity as a child, The Fish Hook Saga and Staplers Are Not Our Friends. There are the posts about why I don’t drive, reasons one & two.

Do you really think you’re the Queen of the Universe?

What? Do you think I would make something like this up? Of course, I’m the Queen of the Universe…wait, why do you have that straightjacket? No, I am not a freak. I just march to the beat of a different drummer, so to speak. Plus, it’s really fun to see people’s reactions when you tell them that you are the Queen of the Universe. Here’s how this all started.

It seems like you really like karaoke a lot. Have you written about this before?

Have I ever! Karaoke’s one of my favorite things to do. I have written quite a few posts about karaoke, starting with this one about how karaoke is Beth and my drug of choice. Other posts of karaoke include the story of Big Wayne, my favorite song to sing at karaoke, Random Musings from an evening of karaoke, the rules of karaoke, why I hate the song Picture, etc.

You seem to enjoy movies. Any recommendations?

Mike F (my former boss) would laugh at me for referring to movies as the best ever. I have written a few posts on various movies. Here is the post on how I think we need a new awards program called “The Besties.” Here are my thoughts on the last Harry Potter movie. Around the World In 80 Days, Spiderman, a whole bunch of movies in one day, etc.

You seem to read a lot. Any particular authors you favor?

I am extremely fond of Mil Millington. He is an English author I discovered when I stumbled across his website. I’ve written about him here. I also really like Nora Roberts. Here are some other posts that I’ve written about books, one, two, three, four, etc.

I bet you have some fun emails you’d like to share with us.

Yes, I do. Take your pick. Here’s the one Keem started where she imagined I was arrested for being impractical. Here’s a glimpse into how my mind works. This one is about email names I’ve had in the past.

Do you have any beliefs you'd like to share with us?

Yes. I believe strongly in gay rights. I have written many posts about this, starting with this one. And then there’s also one, two, etc.

Previous Comments:

At 9:44 PM, The Lioness said...
This is fabulous, I'll open ALL links tomorrow after a few hours sleep! I wish i could do the same but no one asks me all any questions - and I wouldn't know how to do that kind of link on the side bar to general explaing post. Anyway, brillian! You just keep getting better and better! I only wish you'd linked to the blue stiffy bcs that's an unforgatable, brave post.
At 2:18 AM, brooksba said...
Dana,Love the FAQ post. This is fabulous and I will always have a quick reference to all those great posts!I agree with the Lioness. You need a post to link with the "What Was I Thinking" train posts. I like that idea. =)I miss you! I miss you! I realized today as I was singing (on the helpdesk, mind you), "Cute boy, cute boy, cutey cutey cute boy. Cute boy, cute boy, ..." that I was doing this to the melody of Fish Heads. The ... was in my head and I was thinking, "Eat him up, Yum!" I need to stop this RIGHT now.Bye!
At 4:22 AM, brooksba said...
Hey, I should probably use email to contact you or your blog. Leaving comments on my own blog probably doesn't work well does it? See, THE BOY has destroyed my sense of logic. Okay, maybe not destroyed, but I'm losing it. I am.He's sooooo cute! Sorry, I had to. By the way, I love this post again. I know I told you that already.I miss you!
At 8:20 AM, CarpeDM said...
I completely forgot to add the WWIT? train. What was I thinking? Goodness.I will add that soon. I'm not done going through the blog so there will be new additions very soon.Lioness, posting on the side is a lot easier than you would think and I would explain it to you but you would miss out on all of the hand waving and the curses because the page was thwarting me and that's the very best part. I figured out how to do it by reading blogger help. I don't know if that will help or not.
At 8:12 PM, Red Hot Monkey Lovin said...
I was enjoying reading your blog! you should read the sweet potato queen books by jill conner-browne i think you would find them hilarious!

Construction is going on

Okay, Beth did something that I really liked on her blog, a list of her favorite posts so far and I want to try something like that, but, as you know, I always have to go that one extra step towards crazyville than everyone else.

So here's my plan. I'm going to do post that are links of my favorite posts. And how they all tie in together. There would be a karaoke post off to the side so if you're, oh, I don't know, scrolling along and thinking "Y'know, that Dana sure is a funny person but I've just recently started reading her blog. I wonder if she's written about karaoke before. I bet it would be spectacular if she had." And you could look to the side and see an "All About Karaoke" post and click on it and then be treated to my wondrous words that were (dare I say it?) All About Karaoke.

Wouldn't that be great? Of course it would! I could do a crazy email post one as well with links to all the weird emails I have sent to my friends or received or anything like that and if you miss one, since I've been working on it forever and it'll probably never be done, you could just click on the link and there it would be! My words, laid out before you like jewels.

You would never believe that I can be quite insecure if you just knew me through this blog, would you? Anyway, that's what I've been thinking of doing. Do you totally hate the idea? I just want to be somewhat organized. Tell me that you love me. I just want to be acknowledged. Is that too much?

Yeah, sometimes I'm a little too weird for even me. Later.

Previous Comments:

At 8:10 PM, angelia said...
you are funny
At 8:38 PM, brooksba said...
Dana,Anything you do will be great! That's because you're the Queen of the Universe and everyone loves you. Hey, did you just love how THE BOY just accepted the fact you are the Queen of the Universe? That was a plus. =)Sorry, I'm still giddy. I love you. How's that for acknowledgment?
At 12:13 AM, DeAnn said...
That's a lot of work, lady. But I appreciate it!
At 8:14 AM, CarpeDM said...
Yes, I did notice how THE BOY was completely okay with my being the Queen of the Universe. I was also amused by the fact that when Joe got up to sing, THE BOY and I exchanged a glance that we both understood immediately, a glance that said "Oh for the love of God, here we go again." Or something like that. I liked the fact that THE BOY is on the same wavelength as you and I. This is good. And he's not a Republican!Be giddy, Beth. I will allow it. I owe you for months and months of Michael liking and then, the horrificness that was Cream Puff Man.
At 8:50 AM, Matt said...
I love you-you are the light at the end of the tunnel, you make the wind seem all the more sweeter when you are in the room, you are incredible, no one can compare to you. Not even a rose, and how could I compare thee to a summer's day? I cannot, for you are beyuond comapre. How was that for acknowledgement?

A couple things I forgot to mention

Josh was baptized yesterday. The baptismal took place at Saint Andrew's Lutheran Church, where I was confirmed many, many years ago. Saint Andrew's has grown from the small church I remember from my teenage years and now has a gigantic sanctuary. The service was very nice and the church is beautiful but a part of me longs for the small church of my youth.

The baptismal banner actually went quite well. I pretended it was a scrapbook page, just without pictures. I showed it to Eric, while saying "Let's hope your wife doesn't kill me" and his eyes were immediately drawn to the section that says "Go Vikes!" He, concerned for my well-being, said "You may want to remove that before she sees it." I explained that Kari knew it would have football on it, that's one of the things important to our family. Well, to Eric and his Dad anyway. I showed it to Kari and she started crying. This is a good thing. We are a sentimental bunch.

I'll post pictures once I figure out how to download them to the computer from the picture thing that fits into the camera.

After the ceremony we went to the Picadilly, a restaurant that's been in my home town forever but I've only been there twice. We had the brunch and they had the best prime rib/roasty thing I've ever had. Reminded me of my grandmother's pot roast. Yum.

I was able to reunite with old friends who are still Kari's friends that I don't see that often. Becky (you may know her as Barb from my tales of Madison stories) and Lisa were there, they are Josh's godmothers (Kari's friend Steve is his godfather). It was really nice seeing them both, they are great and a lot of fun and can always make me laugh. Which is a good thing. Laughter is always great. Lisa's mother, Elaine, was also there and she is just wonderful. I had a good time.

Beth and I went to karaoke last night. It was a lot of fun. You should really read Beth's post about karaoke because there were good and fun exciting things that happened.

It is 2:40, I am very tired, and I'm talking phone calls. It's going good. I haven't accidently hung up on anyone or given them wrong information. Good Dana! Until tomorrow, my internet friends. Have a good day.

Oh, I have a new post on The Meaning of Life and also Is There Life After Mountain Dew? Just in case you're interested. And how could you not be?

Previous Comments:


At 3:31 PM, DeAnn said...
Wow, baptism AND karaoke?! I can see why you're tired!
At 3:40 PM, CarpeDM said...
I am a party animal. Yeah, I forgot to mention the 4 or 5 hour nap I took between these events.
At 4:00 PM, brooksba said...
Good Dana!I LOVE that you can blog while on calls. This is awesome. Yea! More for me to read!I saw the pictures of the banner and I was proud of you. I think it was great!I really like ! About karaoke, how many times can I say to myself, "He's sooooo cute!" It reminds me of when you had the thing for the certain Greek god. =)Tell me to shut up when I get annoying.
At 4:12 PM, CarpeDM said...
I can't tell you to shut up. Did you ever tell me to shut up? How weird that you did this? I just updated this to show the link for What is the meaning of life because I posted the poem I wrote about Michael. Somewhere the Twilight Zone theme is playing.
At 5:34 PM, The Lioness said...
What do you mean new post on Mountain Dew??? It's OLD!!! Old, you hear me! It's from the 3rd! Define "new". NOW.

My weekend

Just in case you're wondering why I haven't blogged lately, well, that would be because I am grounded from the computer.

Here's why:

Reason Number One: Friday, while Keem was trying to sleep, I made the mistake of reading Matt's blog. Now, I've read Matt's blog before. So I know that it makes me laugh. A lot. But I thought "Hey, I can be quiet and not disturb Keem (the (main) computer is in her room. There is one in mine but it doesn't like me that much (it's old)) while she is trying to sleep."

I have two words for that. And those words are "Yeah, right." I laughed, she got mad. I said I would be quiet and then I read something else and I lost it and started laughing and got kicked out. It's all Matt's fault, I told her but she wouldn't listen to me.

Reason Number Two: I am not the most organized person in the world. I hate to clean. I am looking forward to being rich someday so I can have a team of people follow me around and clean for me (and they will probably be very muscular and Greek but that's another story). Beth saw my room and was either frightened or felt that it was a challenge. She and Keem are going to do a "Clean Sweep" on my room so I've got some cleaning to do if I want to keep stuff before the deadline.

Anyway, I had mentioned to Keem that I wanted to go through my books on Saturday and she told me I had to do that before I was allowed to "play." This is what I call blogging and reading other blogs, playing. After some creative whining, I was able to play on the computer for awhile and then was kicked out. Yesterday I was informed that I was not allowed back on the computer until I took care of my books. I have probably close to 300 books in my bedroom. Drifting around, doing book things. I may not get back on the computer for a month. Thank God for internet access at work.

Well, I hope you all had a good weekend. I'm going to try and get caught up on some of my favorite blogs. Maybe I'll have time to post later today. Oh, and wish me luck. We're going on the phones this afternoon. I'm a little scared.

Previous Comments:

At 2:45 PM, brooksba said...
Dana,Good luck on the phones! I know you'll do fantastic. You always do. Your room, pretty much both theories are correct. I was a little scared and a little bit challenged. Also, I just have more fun cleaning up other people's stuff. This is a weird thing. I know. Again, first Sunday of November. We're going to tackle your room!

Why do I let my sister talk me into these things?

So my sister, Kari, who I love and adore (even when she is convincing me to do things I don't want to do), turns to me last Sunday and says "Josh needs a baptismal banner. Make it."

Yes, even though I am the Queen of the Universe, she is still that bossy to me. It is amazing that I continue to allow her to live in the Green Duckies Universe and not shipped her back to wherever you people come from. When I questioned her choice of me, I got "Well, you're creative." Yes. Yes, I am. With words. And the occasional scrapbook page. But I'm not artistic. Why would you pick me?

Anyway, my point is that tomorrow is the day of Josh's baptism. I still have no idea of what I am going to do with this. And whoever heard of baptismal banners anyway? When I was a baby, I didn't get a baptismal banner. The kid is obviously spoiled (yes, Kari, I am only kidding. Please don't hurt me).

When reading over the list of things that other people have put on their banners (doves, crosses, etc.), I read "Something important to your family." Beth looked up. "Well, that would be football," she said.

So Josh's banner? Will somehow be football related. Now if I could only draw. Believe me when I say there will someday be a picture of the banner and it will probably be the cheesiest thing you have ever seen. But I will persevere because, no matter how bossy she is, she's still my sister and I love her. And Josh, even though he cries every time he sees me, is a pretty gosh darn great kid.

Wish me luck.

Previous Comments:

At 1:33 AM, brooksba said...
Good luck! I know it will be perfect! It'll be made by the Queen of the Universe. How could it not be perfect?
At 9:17 AM, Matt said...
I am sure that no matter what you choose it will be good and perfect for Josh. Besides, how old is he right now? A year? I doubt he will have anything critical to say about it at this point. Don't worry about the whole crying every time he sees you thing, my kids still do that from time to time with me. Of course, that might have something to do with the way I have been so "kind" to them as they are growing up.matt

Stupid internet is broken

Okay, it's not the internet, obviously. What is ticking me off this week is that internet explorer has suddenly warped on Keem and I. It is now appearing as a full screen. There is no links bar, no address bar, no refresh or stop button bar (you know what I mean). We can't figure out how this happened or how to get it back.

I cannot handle this. I need to be able to type in the address. I need the back button to work. Argh!

So, if you have any suggestions as to how to get this back, I would really, really appreciate it. Really.

Thank you.

Update - You will be happy to know that I was able to figure out what was wrong with my browser. However, much to your disappointment, I did not take Matt's advice and dance naked in front of my computer. No, I tried something even crazier by going to Internet Explorer's home page and finding their help section. And it worked.

To Matt, I simply reply "Dude. The computer is in Keem's room. I think she might be just a tad upset if she walked in and I was dancing around her room naked." C'mon. How the hell would you explain that to your roommate?

Previous Comments:

At 9:14 AM, Matt said...
When all else fails, do what I do, strip naked and ance a lamabada with an imaginary stranger in front of your computer, then it should work. If ti does not, then I am at a loss for you. I guess you could try praying to the computer gods, but that could backfire and make your screen fill up with nothing but random thoughts on how to get Dubya re-elected. I suggest the naked dancing, it might help.Matt
At 2:35 PM, Firebear said...
So you are the one who broke the internet! and here I was dancing around the computer in the buff for and hour. All that did was scare the cat.

What is to come...

I am in training, on break. I could be roaming the halls right now but instead, my dear readers, I am here, racking my sleep-deprived brain, trying to come up with something funny.

There is no funny. There is only numbers, horrible numbers, flying at me. There is math - MATH - involved in this. I have to multiply and understand what happens when a stock splits and there is a reverse stock split or a merger or a tender or a reorganization. It is horrible. Who cares? Stop changing your name, companies! It's confusing me!

Stomach still hurts. I Am Not Pleased. I am no longer convinced I am dying, however, so, as those of you who know me are aware of, that means I'm feeling much better than I did on Tuesday. This is good.

Because you are my loyal subjects...sorry, I meant to type friends...and treasure every word that I write, I will let you in on a little secret or two. There is code involved in this blogging world. Secret code. And I'm going to let you know what it means. That way, when it comes up later, while other people will be going "WTF does that mean?" you can laugh at them.

The owl flies at midnight - Beth and I are going to karaoke. If the owl is tired or isn't feeling particularly well, that means we're not going to karaoke.

The queens are coming out to play - Beth, Keem, Matt and I are going to Perkins to play cards. Sheepshead to be exact. The queens are very important in Sheepshead because they are the highest trump to be found. However, they are not as important as I, Dana, Queen of the Universe. That is why they will never be capitalized.

Just so you know. And knowing is half the battle.

Ciao.

Previous Comments:

At 2:23 PM, brooksba said...
Dana,Do you like the job or are you worried about it? I'm sure you can do it, you just need to learn the stuff they're teaching you. You are very smart and you'll get this. The queens come out to play tonight! Yea! I'm happy.
At 6:45 PM, CarpeDM said...
Yes, I like the job. I'm just learning and it's weird. I'm sure it'll get better as time goes by.Plus, I was trying to be funny. Obviously I failed. Back to square one.
At 9:49 PM, Matt said...
I laughed! I cried, and then I laughed again! How can you say that you failed? You will do it, for you are, DANA-QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!!(Echoing inserted here) I am glad that you did explain the "Queens come out ot play" however, not that I don't mind being called a queen, but ya know, that's cool. I will see you on the flipside, later.See Ya!Matt

Weekend Update

I'm sorry I haven't had time to blog lately. It's been crazy.

Josh turned a year old on Sunday. It was very exciting. Lots of people came over and gave him many presents (some of which were really cool and now I want a kid so I have an excuse to play). After the party, Beth, Heather, Keem and I scrapbooked (yes, I am one of those people that uses scrapbook as a verb - scrapbooked, scrapbooking. Deal with it. Better yet, start scrapbooking yourself. It's very fun). I was able to accomplish one page. I so need to get organized.

Then Beth and I went to karaoke. Karaoke is fun. You should do that as well. We're going to try and go every Sunday.

The new job is interesting. I'm in training right now. Learning a lot of new stuff. The first day was interesting, all of this reading. I was so tired (didn't help that I had gone to karaoke the night before) and wasn't feeling well.

Yesterday was horrible. I felt feverish, my stomach hurt and I was feeling nauseated all day. Towards the end of the day, I was chilled and pulled out my earmuffs and mittens. I watched Last Comic Standing (c'mon Alonzo! You can do it!) while cleaning out my purse (I'm really bad about emptying my purse of junk. Usually I won't do it until I've changed purses. So I bought a pink and black messenger bag last night for 9 bucks. I am all about the bargains). I watched a little bit of the debate last night which is always fun when you're in a room full of Democrats. Cheney was not getting any love from us.

Probably at about 8:30, I went to bed though. I spent the entire night shaking, putting as much covers on as possible. I am feeling better now though. Still a little sick to my stomach but not as bad as yesterday. Stupid stomach flu.

Anyway, hope your weekend was good. Chat with you later.

Previous Comments:

At 8:52 AM, Matt said...
Dana! Hope you are feeling better than ever and that you kicked the stomach flu's arse. I do not want you being sick, that is no fun. I have something wrong with me as well, I have a pulled muscle or something, and now the doctor (yes I went, I had to) has me on Prednisone and Vicadin (ahh vicadin, the wonder drug) if it is not better within ten days, I have to go get an x-ray (led aprons, I love led aprons) or get stuffed into an mri tube like a giant canoli. Oh well, I will talk to you later, hget better before Friday, it is our first Friday nght card game.Later,Your Son Who Is Crazy
At 2:08 PM, brooksba said...
Dana,I'm sorry to hear you don't feel well. Get better soon, this is not just a request. =) I dislike the little flu bug making my friend feel lousy. Do you like the new job? It sounds like you're just learning right now, but how is it? Inquiring minds want to know.Beth
At 3:05 AM, DeAnn said...
Your Son Who is Crazy? What?And karaoke? Is only fun for me when drunk!!
At 8:29 AM, CarpeDM said...
The job, at least what I know of it, is good. I'm going to be completely honest when I say that I am not overly fond of training. Not just training here, but all training. I am the type of person who wants to know everything but doesn't want other people to tell me how to know it. Does that sound weird? Yeah, probably a little. I'm a hands-on type of person. Look at how I learned the help desk, "Here's a packet, go take some calls." I loved it. So I'm adjusting to the learning. At least our trainer doesn't freak out if you start working ahead and she continues to talk about how everyone learns differently so she is aware that some of us are going to be faster than the others.DeAnn, I'll explain the comment Matt left in a later post. I think we have explained it before but it might be on Beth's blog so you may not have seen it.

Random Stuff

Okay, thanks to The Lioness for providing the tale of the cat and that the cat is well. And then for providing the link to Rabbitch which led to this link. Oh, my goodness, this is funny, funny stuff.

I especially liked this one. I'm a sick, sick girl.

Anyway, right now I'm suffering from writer's block. Nothing really exciting is going on in my life right now. Keem's gone, Jeff's on his way to Chicago with his folks. Kari may come over later.

So I'm going through old emails and condensing them and then I will eventually post them. Because, hey, let's be honest, Keem, Beth and I are some gosh-darn funny people. And everything we say is gold! Gold!

Yeah. I am a freak. The real reason is because it amuses me and also reminds me of how much fun I had working at the centralized call center. I know I'll still see Beth and we'll still have email but it was fun to have her only a row away, singing and dancing and occasionally fastening push pin tins to one of my favorite red shirts (I have many red shirts). So bear with me, internet world, I'm doing this in memory of a place I worked for almost five years, there was good and bad but mainly good and I'm going to miss it. A lot.

And hopefully, if you read it and you are not Beth or Keem or myself, you will find it funny as well. Oh, and here's a conversation Mike (former boss (for the sake of future posts about my new boss who is also named Mike, former boss Mike will now be known as Mike F and new boss Mike will be known as Mike N)) and I had on Thursday. It's not always a good idea for your boss to know your web address. But makes for interesting conversations.

Mike F: I was just reading your blog.
DM: Really? Which post?
Mike F: I am not going to say that at work.
DM: Ah. The Tale of the Blue Stiffy?
Mike F: Yes. Why would you put that on your site?

Good question. Why do I do anything? Because it's fun. Usually. And there is some funny stuff in that story. And it's good for me to unburden my soul.

Oh, and, in honor of the previous post about the undead, here's another one from asofterworld.

Have a good day. Buddy and Lady B, check out the top of my site, the masthead, I guess you'd call it. If the owl's flying, it'll be there. Hope to see you soon.

Oh, Beth and I are going to karaoke on Sunday. Hope to see you there.

Previous Comments:

At 8:02 PM, Matt said...
Beautiful One,Let me tell you something about missing the work place, it never goes away. Yes I had some good times, a lot of them actually, but I also had some bad ones (can you guess what they were?) and from time to time I think back to them, and I smile. That ismy favorite place that I ever workd, had I not I would never know the wonderfulness of you, Beth, Keem, Adam, and of course Scott. Nor would I have known what it was like to have Mike and you as bosses, and I would never ever of had the great times that I did have with you. One of my favorite things that ever happened at the phone bank Dana was when I made you cry. It is not my favorite time because I made you cry over something sad however, it was the fact that you cried because you read something that I wrote to you. It made me feel good to see that I wrote something that powerful it made actual emotion come out of you. Thank you for all that you have done for me when you were my boss, I really appreciate everything that you have done, and still do for me as my frined, and of course my dad.Love,Matthew-your crazy one that keeps you sane
At 9:34 PM, The Lioness said...
"And everything we say is gold! Gold!" DM, I am crazy about you! "Because it's fun." FunNY! "And there is some funny stuff in that story." HEAPS OF!!! "And it's good for me to unburden my soul." And we're listening and admiring you.(I thought you would appreciate the link, I'm happy to see you did!)
At 2:09 AM, CarpeDM said...
Thanks, you two. I had a fun little thought in my head as I was signing in tonight (now). If I hadn't been bored one night at work and searching on google for something (obviously work related because I am a good Dana), I never would have found blogger. And then I never would have "met" Larry, The Lioness, Serialangel, Robert-Marlene, Flea, Frog, DeAnn, Jay and let's not forget the Rubber Chicken. That would so totally suck. It's really cool to have the circle of friends that I already do but it's also cool to have "met" all of these people and introduced them to my friends. Oh, and I saw that stupid Breakfast with the King commercial today. That is seriously creepy.
At 2:51 AM, DeAnn said...
I cannot wait for your fun fun fun e-mails!And also, some people's obsession with cats is a little weird. I mean, some of the things that they post online, while they crack me up, are quite crazy!
At 8:10 AM, The Lioness said...
(I am sitting here hoping it's not me she's talking about. If it is, I'd have to hurt her. And that would be BAD.)Seriously, what people are these and what are their URLs?
At 4:20 AM, brooksba said...
I enjoyed the link. That was good. More posts about old emails please!Mike F. read your blog. He asked me before he read about what he said. Everyone at our call center misses you! I need to know how your new job is going, everyone keeps asking me! Tell me! Tell me now!Post more. I miss you and I'm crying. I looked at your empty desk today and was sad. Just thought you should know. I miss Keem at work too. Judy wishes you both the best and she's sad that you're both gone. Everyone misses you both. You are loved at the call center.

Dreams, Vampires and why I'm going to hell

From: DM
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 7:42 AM
To: Keem; Beth; Adam

Yesterday, all my troubles were so far away, now I need a place for me to stay. Ooh, I believe in Yesterday. Okay, sorry, couldn't help it. Anyway, yesterday was my 4 year anniversary with NABABNA. Long live NABABNA & Dana - a wondrous partnership.

From: Keem
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 8:03 AM
To: DM

Congrats! You're a dork, by the way.

From: DM
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 8:07 AM
To: Keem

Nooooo...not me. Barb says I should call the dream doctor to find out what my dreams mean (I had two dreams about Patrick Warburton (ah, Puddy, how I love thee. Even when you are blue. Even when you are a stupid cop (I don't think cops are stupid. The character is stupid. And a cop)). In one of them I was supposed to keep him from doing anything stupid because he was, apparently, a werewolf vampire mix and had a tendency to eat people that insulted me because he was hopelessly in love with me. The other dream, he kept asking me to marry him and I kept telling him he couldn’t be in love with me. And then his Dad proposed to Beth. Or Keem. Not sure anymore. Great dreams though, even with the whole he was eating people. Because, hey, Patrick Warburton was in love with me in two dreams. Obviously it’s coming true).

From: Keem
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 8:14 AM
To: DM

The dream doctor? I would say that you have this thing about Puddy right now.

From: DM
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 8:16 AM
To: Keem

I'm sure there's much more to it psychologically, perhaps my subconscious is telling me I am not sure of myself and I should recognize my inner beauty. Or that I think Puddy's hot.

From: Keem
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 8:20 AM
To: DM

I'd go with the Puddy's hot thing. I am saddened. They handed out the balloons for the annual sales conference. I was hoping that I would get to go...yes, it's a long shot, but it's fun to dream. Just once I would like to be able to go...

From: DM
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 8:35 AM
To: Keem

Oh, I know...I wish that I could go as well, it would be fun.

From: Keem
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 8:44 AM
To: DM

Oh well. Life goes on.

From: DM
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 8:48 AM
To: Keem

Yes, yes, it does. It is very good that it continues because otherwise, we would be dead and that would be sad.

From: Keem
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 8:51 AM
To: DM

It would be sad, but then we wouldn't have to work anymore.

From: DM
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 8:52 AM
To: Keem

Well, yes, maybe, unless we were the undead. Then we would still end up working and there's the whole brains as food issue. Yuck.

From: Keem
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 8:54 AM
To: DM

Just because we were the undead, doesn't mean we'd eat brains as food. We could be vampires, turn Beth and then we would all be together eternally. Think of it as an eternity of Sheepshead, stamping and scrapbooking.

From: DM
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 8:55 AM
To: Keem

Yeah, but then there's the whole blood thing...yuck. And you know Beth would be on some weird sleep schedule that was different then ours. Although the rest wouldn't be bad...could we turn Puddy?

From: Keem
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 8:58 AM
To: DM

Sure. You can have Puddy, I'll turn my Male Friend I've Had A Crush On Forever and Beth can have whomever she wants. Her sleep schedule probably wouldn't change that much to worry about it. We'd all get on the same schedule anyway. I can adapt. Blood schmood. Angel does it. It doesn't have to be from a person. Just think of the options. We could just knock off a blood bank every once in a while. If we live in The Apartment Building We Currently Reside In, the Red Cross isn't that far away. Just 3 blocks. We can get it there.

From: DM
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 9:01 AM
To: Keem

Ok. I guess I'll learn to deal with it. The English eat blood pudding and seem to like it.

From: Keem
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 9:16 AM
To: DM

Blood pudding??? Ick!!!


From: DM
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 9:18 AM
To: Keem

Well, yeah, I know. But hello, you're talking about drinking blood like it's no big deal and then there's the whole no more soul thing and it'll be awful because then I'll go to hell and I won't like that one bit and then God will be mad at me...sorry, a vampire's life is not for me. How about I'll be the vampire slayer that befriends you and you guys will work for good and that's why I'll complain about Beth's sleep schedule.

From: Keem
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 9:19 AM
To: DM

You can be the vampire with a soul. It just never left you. You can be a Holy Vampire.

From: DM
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 9:20 AM
To: Keem

Wait. How do you become a Holy Vampire? I suppose I could convert all the evil vampires.

From: Keem
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 9:23 AM
To: DM

Well, they do it in the Anita Blake novels...but then it's all about becoming a vampire. You can do it. As long as you ask for forgiveness, God will forgive you...

From: DM
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 9:25 AM
To: Keem

Um, I think God might seriously frown on me deliberately giving my soul away. I really think that might be a deal breaker on the whole forgiveness thing. I suppose I could ask a theologian what they think. Are there holy vampires in the novels? I don't remember that.

From: Keem
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 9:28 AM
To: DM

Technically, you don't have the choice. The vampire who turns you has to have the willpower to stop before they kill you. I think you'd still be forgiven on a technicality...hee hee
The books have the church of eternal life, but that's for those who want to become a vampire. Kinda weird. But you could be the first to start one...

From: DM
Sent: Sunday, January 11, 2004 9:32 AM
To: Keem

Hmm, we'll have to think about this. Eternal life, getting to keep my soul...well, gosh, that sounds just like accepting Jesus as your saviour. Oh, I just had a terrible thought, I was thinking there's no blood but then I thought about drink this wine, it is my blood...Jesus was a vampire! Oh, crap. I am so going to Hell for blasphemy.

Previous Comments:

At 12:35 PM, Firebear said...
Was that a goat? Ha ha ha! I love that movie. And as for the holy vampire, I would have to think on Lestat, from the Ann Rice novels. He meet, and tasted Jesus. That has to be considered a blessing of sort.

Old Email Week

On Monday, I'll have a new email address at NABABNA so I had to clean out my inbox of all these emails I've saved over the years. Italics are explanations of what Keem and I are talking about. If you're confused, leave a comment and I'll explain further.

From: DM
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 8:18 AM
To: Keem

It's 63 degrees in London (I love England. I’m even cool with the rain). Let’s move.

From: Keem
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 8:36 AM
To: DM

Nope. No move to London.

From: DM
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 8:44 AM
To: Keem

Plllllleeeeeeeeeeesssssse? They are laughing at me for liking Rowan Atkinson again (They would be Ben and Kirsten, two of my (former (sob)) bankers. Possibly Shannon as well but she normally doesn’t laugh at me because she’s afraid of hurting my feelings). Sigh.

From: Keem
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 9:48 AM
To: DM

Nope. You are stuck here in MN.

Did you tell Mike (my (former) boss) about Adam's mail...Adam YOUR LAST NAME (See Beth’s post for further explanation)? Did ya?? Huh huh, did ya??

From: DM
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 9:49 AM
To: Keem

Not yet. I will do so shortly. You can come to London with me.

From: Keem
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 9:54 AM
To: DM

Maybe I don't want to. There is the whole Mad Cow disease and stuff...no more beef...=(

From: DM
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 9:56 AM
To: Keem

Is that still going on (See the detail that I pay to current events)? We can come back to Minnesota for hamburgers...and think of the fact that you can go over to Ireland and Scotland, all those hot Celts.

From: Keem
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 10:07 AM
To: DM

You brat! You had to mention Scotland and Ireland...although, after seeing The Wickerman, I will not ever go to Ireland. It was a bad, bad horror flick that had some truth in it.

From: DM
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 10:09 AM
To: Keem

What was the wickerman about or don't I want to know? All horror movies have some truth to them...are you ever going to go to Texas (I think I meant to say are you never going to go to Texas)?

From: Keem
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 10:27 AM
To: DM

Why would I want to go to Texas???

As for the Wickerman, the idea was that this detective went to Ireland to work on some case of a missing girl. He goes to Ireland and finds her. She is going to be sacrificed to help their crops grow kinda thing...this is actually set in the late 70's-early 80's. After trying to rescue her, he realizes and is also told that they brought him there on purpose to be the sacrifice in the "wickerman." Basically the wicker man is filled with sacrificial animals...a chicken, cow, goat, etc and the head is the human sacrifice. Sorry, but it just scared me...

From: DM
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2003 11:07 AM
To: Keem

The first words out of his mouth are "He's your illegitimate love child."

Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

I have 3 stupid hours on the phones today and an hour of selling candy grams and Mike stole my Mountain Dew. He must die. Okay, he gave it back but he shook it up lots.

From: Keem
Sent: Wednesday, October 01, 2003 8:35 AM
To: DM

Did you think that he wouldn't shake it up??? That is normal for Mike. Just tap the bottle a little before you open it. Sorry about the 3 hrs on the phones. If it makes you feel any better, I have 8...=P

From: DM
Sent: Wednesday, October 01, 2003 8:46 AM
To: Keem

Yeah, yeah, good point. I complained about having no shoes until I met a man who has no feet and all...

From: Keem
Sent: Wednesday, October 01, 2003 9:10 AM
To: DM

Yeah, yeah. I just wanted to pick on you. I would love to only have 3 hours.

From: DM
Sent: Wednesday, October 01, 2003 9:26 AM
To: Keem

It was funny. Put my complaints into perspective. Of course, I'm also supposed to coach my team and do a side by side with one of my bankers. Eek. I am overburdened (My God. I figure out it was time for a change and it took me a year to do anything about it. Wow).

From: Keem
Sent: Wednesday, October 01, 2003 10:01 AM
To: DM

Poor Dana! I feel bad for you. I am still tired. I want to go home and sleep now. =(

From: DM
Sent: Wednesday, October 01, 2003 10:18 AM
To: Keem

Me too but I have cheese now. Happy, happy Cheese (I really like cheese, okay?)

Okay, so I'm half asleep, sitting in the computer room and I'm kind of dreaming or dreaming that I'm dreaming and I'm thinking about a person who is hearing voices (maybe me, maybe my character (characters I’ve created for future books)) and there are two voices. One says go ahead, take a nap...the other voice says you're going to be late and the person, who may or may not be me says shut up and then apologizes. So then I'm thinking, "When you start apologizing to the voices in your head, you know you're not having a good day."

Previous Comments:

At 4:58 AM, brooksba said...
This is just the perfect way to define you. The last part, "When you start apologizing to the voices in your head, you know you're not having a good day."Only you. I loved the post.
At 8:21 AM, The Lioness said...
Ditto. "When you start apologizing to the voices in your head, you know you're not having a good day." - a WINNER!!! You did it again!

Old Home Week

It is a weekend for parents.

Jeff's (My other roommate) parents are visiting this week. It is really nice to see them, I like his parents a lot. Although his dad always likes to tease me about stuff. Like tonight he said "How about we watch a commercial and you could cry at it?" Yes. I am a sap. I cry at certain commercials. I admit it.

My mom is in town and I'll be seeing her on Sunday (Josh's birthday. He is a year old. Where the heck did the time go?) for the big party. Expect interesting Mom stories. I love her. But she is weird. Anyone who just thought to themselves "Well, she'd have to be, she's your mother" is going to get smacked.

Keem is in Wisconsin with her family. She will be doing exciting things like going to Shopko. Without me. Which is so wrong.

Anyway, wish me luck. I am going to be at a child's birthday party. There will be children there. This could be bad. My sister is so touchy. I said to her that I don't like children and she snaps "Do you love your nephew?" Well, duh. But since he is my nephew and therefore perfect, he does not count as a child. Matt's kids, also family, so I love them as well. From a safe distance. If you've read Matt's blog, you'll understand the safe distance remark. If you haven't, start reading. The link's to the right. Go there now.

Another reason why I hate math

-----Original Message-----
From: Cream Puff Man
Sent: Saturday, May 18, 2002 2:30 PM
To: Queen of the Universe

Work Attachment.doc

-----Original Message-----
From: Queen of the Universe
Sent: Saturday, May 18, 2002 2:31 PM
To: Cream Puff Man

You changed it. Now I'm confused.

From: Cream Puff Man
Sent: Saturday, May 18, 2002 2:31 PM
To: Queen of the Universe

I just added the Low, High and Median scores - the bold one is the average

-----Original Message-----
From: Queen of the Universe
Sent: Saturday, May 18, 2002 2:32 PM
To: Cream Puff Man

What does low, high and median scores mean?

-----Original Message-----
From: Cream Puff Man
Sent: Saturday, May 18, 2002 2:32 PM
To: Queen of the Universe

Huh?

-----Original Message-----
From: Queen of the Universe
Sent: Saturday, May 18, 2002 2:32 PM
To: Cream Puff Man

I just added the Low, High and Median scores - the bold one is the average

I think my question should be huh?

-----Original Message-----
From: Cream Puff Man
Sent: Saturday, May 18, 2002 2:34 PM
To: Queen of the Universe

The low score is the lowest score for each team and the center. The high score is the high score for each team and the center. The median score is the score such that 50% of the results are above and 50% are below. Did you not take algebra?

-----Original Message-----
From: Queen of the Universe
Sent: Saturday, May 18, 2002 2:36 PM
To: Cream Puff Man

As a matter of fact, Mr. know-it-all, I did. In 9th grade. And halfway through the quarter they took several students aside and said "Hey, guess what, we're creating an Algebra class for just you!" And lo and behold, Anonymous Middle School said "Let there be Basic Algebra" and there was and it was still frightening but not as horrifying as Algebra.

-----Original Message-----
From: Cream Puff Man
Sent: Saturday, May 18, 2002 2:37 PM
To: Queen of the Universe

So you got put into the class for dumb kids? Did you need to ride the short bus?

-----Original Message-----
From: Queen of the Universe
Sent: Saturday, May 18, 2002 2:38 PM
To: Cream Puff Man

It was not a class for dumb kids...it was a class for those of us that couldn't figure out that X x 3 = Y. When will I ever use this crap anyway?

-----Original Message-----
From: Cream Puff Man
Sent: Saturday, May 18, 2002 2:58 PM
To: Queen of the Universe

As a supervisor

-----Original Message-----
From: Queen of the Universe
Sent: Saturday, May 18, 2002 2:58 PM
To: Cream Puff Man

What Ever.

Previous Comments:

At 5:14 PM, Anonymous said...
KatieHe is such a know it all. It irritates me.
At 9:28 PM, The Lioness said...
I read his lines and I INSTANTLY ovulate. Funny how that happens.
At 12:20 AM, brooksba said...
He's a dink. Yep, a dink. I enjoy math, I do, but this was stupid. You don't need to know the medians that much as a team lead. Give me a break.This was just an exercise of his to try and show that he knows big words. Could you imagine telling a banker, "You're the lower median for our center." The banker would have the same response you did. "Huh?"The better phrasing would be, "75% of the people here are better than you. Pick it up."Or the really blunt way of putting it, "You suck."But then, we need to be positive. Try, "You could be better. I believe that."
At 7:41 AM, Matt said...
DanaFirst of all, Mr Cream Puff Man is on crack. I went through all of Algebra and still am trying to figure out when I will be using that same equation that did bespake about (yes I know I typed the word "bespake" it is just fun that way). I make fun of the "short bus" that he referred to, but let me tell you something, at my work when I park in a certain ramp on certain days, I too have to ride a short bus, but yet I know more than him. He is an ass.To comment on some of Beth's remarks, another way to tell a banker that they are the lower median of the phone bank, was the way that Mike and you used to tell me when that would happen to me, which was Mike would say: "Other than the glaring obvious is there something else wrong with you that I should know about?" An you, Dana, my mother, would look at me and say, "Matt, you can do better". So no where in the math classes do they teach you that.Once again I reiterate, Cream Puff Man is an assinine butt.Matt